Together and Apart! Tour! Exclamation!

The highly? anticipated “Two Minutes in Heaven Together and Apart!
Tour!” is finally here!

Each of the four members – Kookie Clementine, Sugar Kaine, Ziggystar, and Coco Cabana - will be playing together separately all around the country after their pretty long hiatus! Yes that’s right! Want to see
each of the ladies perform alone, but together ? Yes, there might even 
be tapes.We hear that there's less stage presence, but they sure are
compact!  Even though we won’t really be playing any of our greatest hits, or songs you like, or really any kind of a song that resembles a
song, how could you miss this once in a lifetime opportunity to see
the ladies perform live at a concert that’s not a concert?

Get your tickets now,  and come out and support the band,  separately 
but together!

Sugar Kaine, overwhelmed with the desire to have the most concerts out
of the group. will be performing live at all these dates and
locations:-

April 10th -            Ryman Auditorium

                                Nashville, TN

April 25th -            IU Auditorium

                                Bloomington, IN

April 30th -            Fox Theatre

                                St. Louis, MO

May 23rd -              The Joint

                                Las Vegas, NV 
Overachiever, eh? Don’t miss out on some sweet sugar from Sugar!

Kookie Clementine, now famous with those great looking cookies, will
be performing for one night only, so be sure to catch her on:-

April 18th -            Tower Theatre

                                Philadelphia, PA

Be sure to say hi to her and give her all the love you can!

Ziggystar will be showcasing her vocal stylings for one night only

on:-

April 24th -            Fox Theatre

                               Detroit, MI

Don’t hestitate to hug her! (But not too hard, or girl, you’ll get

cut. By sporks. With love.)

And last but not least, Coco Cabana, jealous that everyone is touring 
in the States, will be be performing at the band’s first international 
location on:-

May 32nd -              The Container Store Theatre

                                15 Yemen Road, Yemen

That’s right, Coco is bringing TMiH to the international stage. On and 
upward! And downward again!

So, see you all at the tour, bitches!

^Disclaimer: The fact that our tour coincides with several dates,

times and venues of Flight of the Conchords shows* is purely

coincidental.

* Well, except for Coco’s. You know why.

"Okay ladies.  I call to order the first dress rehearsal of the newly reformed Two Minutes in Heaven!"  I clapped my hands
together sharply.  Man, it felt good to be in charge again.

Coco, Sugar and Ziggy grinned back at me.  I could tell they were truly pumped to be back in the sparkly tights we'd turned
into a fashion DO not so long ago.

"Band roll call," I thought it appropriate to make it as official as possible,  "Coco?"

"Present."

"Ziggy?"

"Here."

"Sugar?"

...

"Sugar?"

I looked up from my yellow legal pad.  Sugar as present...at least physically.

"Something's missing," she said, staring hard at Coco and Ziggy.

I looked again, trying to see what wasn't there.

"BOAS!" We all said in unison.

I went to the costume rack and brought out four feather boas and passed one to each girl.

"Wait!" Ziggy said loudly, "I want the red one."

I sighed.  "Zig.  You know I always get the red one.  It's my signature color."

"You just want the red so Jemaine will notice you if he happens to be in the audience,"Ziggy said bitterly.

"I don't need a red boa to get Jemaine to notice me, girl!" I snapped back sassily.

"Well, then, give someone else a chance with it," Sugar jumped in.

"Et tu, Sug?"

"Ladies!" Coco stepped in.  "This is a stupid thing to fight about. Let's just drop it!"

"What do YOU care?" Ziggy spit.  "It doesn't matter to YOU what color boa to take, so butt out!"

As per usual in situations such as these, we chose to solve our dispute at sporkpoint.

The four of us circled each other, sporks drawn, Ziggy and Coco wielding sleek metallic models, while I chose old school white
 plastic.  Sugar's appeared to be constructed from some sort of space age polymer.  I made a mental note to ask her about it later.

Suddenly, I heard a strange, mechanical 'whir' and I gasped as the handle of Coco's spork started to stretch out.

"Coco!" I marveled.  I'd heard of such a thing, but I never hoped to see one.  "Is that...?"

"Yeah.  It's a telescopic spork."

"Oooh, that's the latest in spork technology," Ziggy cooed, somewhat enviously.

All at once, I felt a heaviness in my bosom as I looked around the room.

"Girls," I sighed, "this isn't going to work.  Look.  We all have sporks, but they are all different.  We've changed.  I don't think
we can go back to the way it used to be."

I could see the other ladies felt the truthiness of my words.  Sporks were returned to their concealed positions.

"What do we do now?"  Sugar asked morosely.

We stood in silence for a long moment...and then another.

"I have an idea..."

...to be continued.

~Kookie Clementine

Reunion!

(Coco) Thank you for coming ladies and gentleman, after a decade-long hiatus, we’re baaaaack, Two Minutes in Heaven!

(Ziggy)  Ahem, Coco it’s only been a few years since we last performed.

(Sugar)  No, no, it’s been about 1 year, I think….

(Kookie) Actually it’s been exactly 11 months, 2 weeks, 5 days and 2 hours, but who’s counting?

(All together in perfect harmony)  Reunion!!!!!!!!!

Two decades, two months, two minutes doesn’t matter.
Fans of hot folkin’ have missed us and now we’re back together.

Oh, Oh, Ow, reunions….they don’t have to take long
Better play close attention…ours might be over by the end of this song.
Because short bursts of togetherness is the only way to keep the love strong.
Four crazy women on tour something’s bound to go wrong.

Reunion!!!!

Hugs, kisses, gifts, memories, so much verve!
Three days later you’re getting on everyone’s nerve.
‘Cause reunions can be fun, but playing nice is lots of work.
Four days after that, everyone’s pulling out sporks.

Reunion!!!!!

Make up, to break up, only to make up again.
We’re only doing this tour for the lady band friends
Did you think we were doing this for sales of our fourth greatest hits?
Unthinkable!  We’re back together because you guys are the shiii….

(softly) Reunion...…all the memories that you love
Bedazzled Coco, hopped up on “Rub"

Reunion...…all the classics you want the most
There’s Ziggy walkin’ round dumb as some toast

Reunion...…reminiscing from the end and back to the start
Ahhh, is that Sugar barely clothed looking like a tart?

Reunion…....love among the ladies was and always will be true
Kookie, the freaky member is the Two Minute glue

So here we are girls and guy, we’re back out of the closest
And very relieved we won’t lose our venue deposit
Don’t worry we’ll back with another reunion in a jiffy
Until then relax and enjoy this fun quickie

Ooooooooh, oooooooh, reunion……..

© Two Minutes in Heaven 2009

It was a dark and stormy night.

“You know, we didn’t think this through properly.”

“You think?”

It was around 11pm, on one  cold Sunday night. The dark night was filled with an air of mystique and melancholy.
I wiped away my tears. It was all over. At least, as far as we know it.

“Get your ass over here and help us, Coco!” Ziggy yelled.

I ran up. Ahead of me, three creatures of excruciating beauty, all dressed in solemn black, dragging the lifeless corpse
that made a haunting screech across the hard unforgiving cement floor.

“How far away is the cemetery?” Sugar piped up.

“Around 2 hours away. So, it seems I’ve been the only one working out.  I’m doing all the work here!” Kookie grunted.

“I’m helping!” Ziggy, Sugar and I retorted, barely hanging on while

Kookie dragged it, and us, up a steep slope.

“Whose idea was it to dress up and wear heels?” They all looked at  me.

“Well, it is a funeral! We have got to pay our respects by dressing  appropriately.” I paused to take a breath and looked
up. We have a long way to go. Then, something caught my eye.

“Hey, why don’t we plot the grave over there?”

“Where?” Sugar and Ziggy sighed with relief.

I pointed over to the playground.

“Over there. See, there’s a sandpit. That’ll be easy to dig –“

“GREAT IDEA! Yes, let’s do that!” I have never seen either of them move so quickly.

- Five minutes later -

Our shadows loomed over a square-ish sandpit in the middle of a children’s  playground in the park. Ziggy wiped the
tears off her face, while Sugar sniffed softly on her hankerchief. Kookie’s eyes were completely bloodshot, and I felt like
someone’d punched me in the stomach. It is not easy to cope with such a huge loss. Finally, Kookie broke the silence.

“Did anyone bring a spade?”

We all looked at each other.

“How about some sporks?” Ziggy asked while whipping out a bunch of sporks from her bosom.

“Why not?” We got to work, spooning and stabbing at the sand.

- Another five minutes later -

“Hm. It appears that the fork portion of a spork makes for a rather poor digging device.” I announced.

“Imagine that!” Sugar replied,  and sat down on the floor, defeated.

“No, no! It’s working! Come, feast your eyes on my hole!” Ziggy announced. We all peered over her shoulder.
There’s hardly a dent in the sand. Ziggy looked back at us with a sheepish grin.

“I don’t think I can do any better than this.”

We all nodded. Diggers, we are not. Plus, really, how deep can a sandpit be?

Ziggy drew a circle around on the sand, and we all placed some firewood around it. We then set our beloved
in the middle of it all. Huddling close together in a group hug, we bid farewell to our fond friend. The life it carried!
The happiness it has brought us every Sunday night! Oh, the memories!

After a most fiery and inappropriate dance around our makeshift graveplot, we all took turns to bid farewell to our
wonderful friend with some parting gifts for the occasion.  A sideburn from Kookie, a spork from Ziggy, the other
sideburn from Sugar, and a feather boa from me. Then, finally, we took out a crudely made Playdoh Maori Love God
and his pal, Curly Hair Unicorn and placed them gently onto the ground to mark the spot. They smiled serenely at us,
as if to say everything will be all right. Will it?

“Ready?” Kookie asked. We all nodded. I flicked the lighted match onto the pile, and we let our grief wash over us.

- Fifteen minutes later-

“Dearly beloved, we, the ladies of TMiH, are here today to lament the loss of one of the funniest, hottest, cutest,
best written and acted, best directed comedy of our time. We shed our tears, for we don’t know if there will ever be
another season of this magical show, and we shed them here tonight. Oh, why must you leave us so soon, only after
two seasons?” Kookie's voice tightened, and Ziggy handed her a fist full of tissues.

"Goodbye, Bret, and goodbye Jemaine! Please come back to us!" Sugar and I cried. Then Ziggy spoke up.

“But if you must leave, we will never forget you. You are an inspiration to all parody folk bands in the world,
and no one could ever look as good in those tiny, tiny pants. Amen.”  And with that, the end.

We all blew on our noses, Sugar blew on her harmonica, and we did the only thing we know how to – make sweet,
sweet music:-

Through the good times and bad
Through the laughs and the tears
Through the big brown eyes of a weedy lad
Through the black rimmed specs atop two manly ears

We saw our future
We saw our destiny
To sing songs of revere, it was a pleasure
To be in a band of four ladies

Is this the end?
Is this the last of their journey, together?
Tonight, alone together we stand
In a sandpit made up of sand and feather?

Goodbye, FoTC!
We will always love you
So, if you’re not too busy -
oh, pretty, pretty please?
A season three, sometime in the distant future?

Apart from the stench that is melting plastic, all was good. The fire danced in the dark, making a lovely mesh of reds,
oranges and yellows across the pale blue sky. Warming our hands in the fire, we stared at our reflections on our
burning television set for the last time.

It was a dark and stormy night.

~Coco Cabana

I met up with the diminutive Coco Cabana in her spacious New York City apartment that has long served as home base
for Two Minutes in Heaven.  Of course, regular readers of Folk World Monthly will recall that soon after the
announcement of  TMiH's hiatus, Miss Cabana joined the Online International Ukulele Orchestra at their super secret
studio, The Marmalade Forest.

Miss Cabana's departure from that group remained a mystery...until today..

FWM: Coco, could you tell us about how you got involved with the OIUO?

Coco: Gladly.  As you know, after I actually met Bret and Jemaine my core belief that Bret was the only one for me was
so shaken that I thought it would be good to get back to basics and spend some quality time around my kind of people. 
Most members of the OIUO are Bretaholics, so I figured I'd fit right in.  Which I did! I mean, their band mascot is a
rainbow excreting unicorn...and I actually OWN a  unicorn!  It was meant to be!  They helped me see that these
feelings I had for  Jemaine were but a passing fancy.  Things got a little crazy after a while what with the rampant
VapoRub abuse within the group, and the well publicized Pixie Stick Incident...not to mention the jealousy
surrounding the ukies...

FWM: I'm sorry...I'm not familiar with the term...ukies?

Coco: Oh, ukele orchestra groupies.  And then the final straw came when I caught SarBear Extraordinaire with MY
Bret blow up doll.  I mean, come on!  Some things should remain sacred...even amongst uke sisters.

FWM: Oh dear!  Was there a sporking?

Oh no...I could never spork dear SarBear.  But I did get a little loud and words were exchanged.  I felt bad about it
and I tried to atone by knitting pink tights for all the members.

FWM: That's a lot of tights!

Coco: Tell me about it!  I ended up with carpal tunnel syndrome.  Why, for the last month I was with them,
I could only hold my uke and hum along...it was sad!  Then I got the call about reuniting with Two Minutes in Heaven, 
and...I don't know, it just feels like the time is right.  Those ladies know that when the sporks come out,
it's nothing personal.  I'm so looking forward to it.  It'll be just like coming home.

We, at Folk World Monthly, couldn't have put it better ourselves.

My personal TMiH tour ends with a visit to beautiful and exotic Cincinnati, where I sat down with Miss Sugar Kaine
at a local coffee shop.

FWM: Sugar, it seems like you've fallen completely off the radar. What have you been up to since TMiH went on hiatus?

Sugar: Well, I spent a lot of time riding the rails.  I wanted to get back in touch with my vagabond roots.

FWM:  Did it work?

Sugar: I think so.  However, I knew it was time to come home when some bum broke the Hobo Code and stole
my giant polka dot handkerchief.

FWM: That's terrible.  Any idea who did it?

Sugar: I suspect it was Sausage Patty.  She always coveted that handkerchief.   Anyway, that's life on the road for you. 
Anyway, shortly after I got home, I had 8 little additions to the Kaine Klan, so I've been quite busy.

FWM: 8??  Octuplets?

Sugar:  Yes, they were all born on the same day.

FWM:  Wow!  That really IS news!  Do you have pictures?

Sugar: Oh, I have better than that.  (Miss Kaine reached into her large leather sachel and pulled out a lap top)
...I'll show you our webcam.

FWM:  Webcam?

Sugar:  Sure. I'm very protective of them, as you can well imagine, so I like to be able to look in on them all the time. 
This will come in quite handy when TMiH hit the road, too.

She opened the webcam, and I grinned to see eight darling puppies squirming around in a large indoor pen.

FWM:  OH!  Do they have names?

Sugar: (pointing to each one in turn)...This is Honey.  Then we have Jemma, Jemima, Jemmica, Jasmaine,
Jemmifer and Jemaidan. FWM: And the tiny dark one in the corner?

Sugar: Isn't she the sweetest thing?  She's the runt.  I call her Bretina.

So, it would appear that the gorgeous ladies of TMiH have continued to lead unconventional lifestyles, even away from
the folk parody scene (and would we have expected anything less?).  As they busily prepare to hit the stage again in all
their sparkly unitarded, feather boa-ed glory, we can oly wish them well, and wait (along with the rest of the folking world)
in breathless anticipation for whatever they decide to do next.

Folk World Monthly--April 2009

by Teeny Isringhausen

Folk parody super group Two Minutes in Heaven went on hiatus last
spring, leaving their fanbase to quietly  contemplate what would
become of the lovely ladies now that their musical careers had to take
a backseat to the more mundane concerns of everyday life. Well,
wonder no more.  We, at Folk World Monthly received word of a possible
reunion of our favorite FOTC tribute band, so we sent intrepid
reporter Teeny Isringhausen to catch up  with the queens of the folk
parody world. 
........................

I traveled to the heart of the heartland to find the leader of TMiH,
Kookie Clementine, in her hometown of Omaha,  Nebraska. 
She wasn't hard to locate.  Nearly everyone I asked said I could find Kookie at the gym. 
When I sat  down with her, I was immediately struck by how much thinner and more muscular
she was than last time I'd seen her.  Her trademark tresses were pulled back in a tight ponytail,
the ends drenched in sweat.  She'd obviously devoted her free time to getting into shape.

FWM: Kookie, you look great!  How'd you do it?

Kookie: Oh, just clean living.  Eating right and lots and lots of
exercise.

FWM: How do you stay motivated?

Kookie:  (sighing heavily) You know, you just have to dig deep and find the inner fighter in you...the inner warrior...the
soldier that tells you to never say die...never surrender...be all you can be...

At that point, a tall, dark, handsome, and extremely muscular man came up to Kookie and whispered something
in her ear.  This reporter felt a hot rush flood her cheeks as she noticed the bulging biceps and sculpted cheekbones
of this bronze Adonis.  A huge smile broke across Kookie's face as she in turn whispered something back to this
God among men.  He chuckled, a charming dimple showed when he smiled, and he lightly ran a finger down Kookie's
cheek.  She and I both watched as he walked away...this reporter couldn't help noticing, the view was spectacular.

FWM: You were saying about motivation?

Kookie: *ahem*  Well, it also helps if you find a gym partner who
shares your goals and is willing to help you  along.  Someone like
Jesus there.

FWM: Hmm, I see.

Kookie: ... (blushes even more)

FWM: Now then, about this Two Minutes in Heaven reunion..

Kookie: ...um, I hate to do this, but I have to go...I...uh...think
Jesus needs me to spot for him.  I'm sure you can get the details of
the reunion from Ziggy, right?  Thanks for coming!

I lingered in the gym for a few moments watching Kookie and Jesus lift weights.   I wondered how Kookie
would find the strength to tear herself away from all that to get back on the tour bus.  I'm not sure I could.

Next stop...Detroit!

I found my way to the spacious but spartanly decorated home of
Ziggystar.  I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't the plain, modest furniture and stark
white walls devoid of any art.  That led to my first question...

FWM: Thank you for seeing me, Ziggy.  Your home is so...so...not what I expected.

Ziggy: (laughs) I imagine that is true, considering my onstage persona's love of sparkles and color and feathers. 
But since I returned from the monastery, I've found this blank space to be very...I don't know...soothing.

FWM: Excuse me...did you say monastery?

Ziggy: Oh, you didn't know?  I studied to become a nun.

FWM: (unconcealed shock)

Ziggy: Once I met Bret and Jemaine, I knew that I wanted to thank the good Lord above for creating such wonderful
creatures.  And the only way I could think to do that was to devote my life to His service.

FWM: Wow.  I can see how you would be inspired to do that.  But you are no longer there?

Ziggy: No.  There was a hilarious misunderstanding that led to me
being thrown out of the cloister.

FWM:  And that was?

Ziggy: I was simply trying to translate the scripts for Season One of
Flight of  the Conchords into Klingon...so the universe could share in the wonders of the boys!

FWM: You speak Klingon?

Ziggy:  Well, you know...Klingon is like Spanish..everyone knows a
smattering.  It's really the language of the future.

FWM: hmmm...

Ziggy: Anyway, some of the other nuns got the wrong idea when they heard me quietly singing "Faux du Fa Fa"
in Klingon.

FWM: The wrong idea?

Ziggy: Yeah, they kept yelling about me 'speaking in tongues'.  I
don't know what they meant by that, but the upshot is that I had to
leave.  Which was a real shame because I was really waiting for Kookie to show up there.

FWM: Kookie?  At the monastery? (this reporter could barely contain her laughter at the thought)  Why did you
think she would show up?

Ziggy: Well, in all her e-mails she kept talking about her new found
close, personal relationship with Jesus.  She said she spoke to Him
everyday and she kept talking about the Rapture and everything!  I
thought she was about ready to join the sisterhood.

FWM: Uh...hmmm.  The reunion tour!  How is that coming along?

Ziggy: I, for one, am very excited!  I can't wait to get back on the
bus and dust off my boas.  We've got some new songs and new
inspirations and I think once we all get together in the same room
things will just naturally fall into place, like they always have.

FWM: So, you don't expect any strife?  No ego situations...no
sporkings?

Ziggy: Naw...I'm sure we've all matured since our last tour...we can
handle our difference like adults now.

Time will tell...time will tell.

..to be continued tomorrow

And now, birthday cheers from all over:-


From the lovely Luli:

From the charismatic Chiara:




All from the luscious Little Piece of Bret-y:

From the dashing David 'Big D'Adams:

From the enigmatic Euridice:

From the Awesome Amanda:

From the tenacious Top Gun Sara:

From the super Shaune:

From the Awesome Amanda (again):

From the Juicy Lucy Loo:

From the kind Katie is Hanging on a Star

From the toothy Two Minutes in Heaven:

From the starry Skmaximus:

From the rad Roxy:

From the Magnificent MEG:

From the marvelous Mandy...Just Mandy:

From the Crafty Cary:

From TMiH's own sweet Sugar Kaine:

>



And finally, the FAs might have went a little overboard...forming a band in honour of Bret's big Three Two:-

Some Band history:

Big Band Photo:

And finally a CD:

And the liner notes inside:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRET!!!and thanks to all who's coming to this party! :)

The editorial staff of  Folk World Daily was dismayed, (but not particularly shocked) when we received a press statement from parody folk parody supergroup Two Minutes in Heaven announcing their eminent extended (and possibly permanent) hiatus. Of course, we had to get the real story so we sat down with all four girls (and their man Friday, Shad) for a farewell interview.

FWD: Tell us it's not so.
Ziggystar: It's not so.
Kookie: Ziggy's just joking. It IS so. We've run out of steam and the only way to replenish our reserves is to take an extended break from the music scene.
Sugar: What Kookie is trying to say is: we're broke.

FWD: You say 'extended break'...so you ladies aren't retiring or breaking up?
Coco: No! Not at all. We just need some time away from the glitz and glamour of life on the road to renew our passion for the folk.
Sugar: She means, we are tired of living on the bus and we are going to get real jobs for a while.

FWD: Really? What kind of jobs are you looking at?
Coco: I am working on the final draft of my newest romance novel.

FWD: What is it about?
Coco: Well, I don't want to reveal too much, of course, but it's semi- autobiographical. It is called "Love on a Bus".

FWD: Scintillating. And you ladies?
Ziggy: I got an offer to rejoin my former group The Apple Brown Betties.
Kookie: I'm going to join the staff of Kinky Cakes Unlimited. We bake erotic pastries.
Sugar: Since I had a semi-profitable career with Get Bent Featuring Sugar Kaine, I might go back to that...although I've discovered a new found love of puppetry that looks like it could open some doors for me.  And of course, I still have my side business...foot portraits.

FWD: And you Shad?
Shad: I've actually fallen in love with one of our fans and I'll be moving to Texas to be with her.

At this announcement all four girls turn in unison and stare, open mouthed at Shad. Shad has the good grace to blush, at least.

Kookie: What the flup, Shad? Who is it?
Ziggy: Uh, yeah, Shad. Way to keep us informed.
Shad: I'm in love with Zeze the X.

The ladies look around puzzled.

Sugar: From our MySpace page???

Shad nods.

The girls are quietly contemplative for quite some time.

FWD: Well, then, you are leaving the door open for a triumphant return?
Kookie: We can't do anything without Shad. He's part of our family. So, if when the time comes, he is willing to go on the road with us...we will be back.
Ziggy: With a vengeance.

And we at Folk World Daily will be there to cover every feather flying moment, when that grand day arrives. Until then, we wish Kookie Clementine, Ziggystar, Coco Cabana, Sugar Kaine and Shad Westinghouse all the best luck and success in whatever endeavour they endeavour.

The ladies called at roughly the same time saying they would meet me at Coco's apartment to compare notes. I got there first, fed the cat, and opened a few windows. It had gotten a little stuffy in there since the girls left on their whirlwind string of personal appearances across the country. I really missed them and couldn't wait to hear their stories.

Ziggy was the first to arrive, but it wasn't long before I was once again surrounded by my lovely ladies...all sitting quietly, hands folded in their laps, not making eye contact with me or each other. It was almost eerie.

"What's wrong with you girls? Normally when you've been away from one another, I can't shut you up."

They all shifted their gazes to me but remained silent. Were these women actually... lost in thought?

Ziggy, barely whispering, said, "A lot has changed, Shad."

The others nodded.

"Okay, ladies," I said, "let's hear it. Sug, you start."

Coco, Ziggy and Kookie looked at Sugar expectantly. I had a feeling that I was in for quite a tale. "Well," she started, "Ziggy and I were able to get together to see a Flight of the Conchords concert while we were away. And the show was everything we'd hoped for and more! Then as luck would have it, we got to meet the boys after the show!"

I gasped. I didn't even know they'd gotten to see a show. I'd been completely out of contact with all the girls for quite some time. I felt so out of the loop.

Sugar continued, "Jemaine was lovely. Just as wonderful, warm and kind as you would suspect he is...uh."

Kookie piped up. "Tell him the rest, Sugar."

Sugar looked a little sheepish. "Um, when Ziggy and I met Bret, he was so funny, and cute and sweet! He talked to us for AGES, and he played a ukulele that someone had brought and he flirted shamelessly with us. His eyes, Shad!! His eyes are mesmerizing!! I couldn't help it!"

"What? Couldn't help what?"

"Go on, Sugar...tell him," Ziggy placed a comforting hand on Sugar's arm.

"Ziggy and I have switched teams. We fell in love with Bret. I called Kookie as soon as I realized what had happened. In fact, Bret was right there between us when I told her. See? Here's the picture of me on the phone with Kookie. Ziggy and I are Bret-girls now."

I was surprised, but not all that shocked. Sugar and Ziggy always did have bi-Conchordian leanings. Their pictures turned out nice, though. I looked at Kookie. "Wow. That's quite a story. What did you do while you were away, Kookz?"

Kookie looked down at her hands and started to mumble. I grew alarmed.

Sugar snapped, "Come on, Kookie! Tell him!"

Kookie yelled, "OKAY!! It happened to me too! I met the boys and while I'll always love Jemaine, I have to admit...I fell totally in love with Bret that night. Those damn, deep, soulful eyes! Why does he have to be so adorable??" Our normally stoic leader broke down and sobbed. Clearly the foundation of her whole world had been shaken.

I was a little taken aback. "Ladies, we can't have a Flight of the Conchords tribute band where all the girls are Breterosexuals. At least ONE of you must be a passionate Jemainiac, or this won't work at all!"

Coco slowly raised her hand.

My eyes crossed a little. "Don't tell me."

Coco nodded her head. "I met the boys and fell head over heels in love with Jemaine. I could feel his voice in my womb, Shad...my WOMB!! I've never been that close to a man who exuded so much sexiness...oh, sorry."

I shook my head as I looked over the pictures the girls had taken.  "Why is Jemaine making that face in your picture, Coco?"

"Well, we were talking and I told him who I was and he was like 'Oh, I know you. You are the only true Bret-girl in Two Minutes in Heaven! I've heard about you.' And I told him then and there that after that night I was a Jemainiac. Um, I guess he was surprised."

I sighed. "Yeah, well, Jemaine's not the only one."

~Shad

FLIP

You and your friend are mugged with a knife
You run away in fear from the strife
You go home to the safety of your bed
While your best mate may be dead

What are you gonna do?

You go on a date with a young lady
After dinner she gives you LSD
You try a decoy to fake her out
Before you know it things are whirling about

What are you gonna do?

Your manager hires a new guy named Todd
He's annoying and rude and very odd
Before you know it he's replaced you in the band
You want to angry dance across the land

What are you gonna do?

Call 911 (oh no)
Get a friend to help (oh please)
Just say 'flip'
And your mind is at ease

© Two Minutes in Heaven 2008