i moved into a house that was apparently lived in by fugazi at some point. new roommate showed me old home movies of fugazi circa '92 or so giving joe lally the hardest time about his necklace. anyway, the new roommates were heroin fiend types. no big deal. i had a huge mixing board/keyboard/kickass music set up and the guys loved my sounds, so i thought it would be cool. before too long, they gave me a bit of the brown stuff to try and i guess i liked it. the next day, my stash and needle went missing and many, many old friends came by utterly ignoring my pleas to help me find my shit while they all got wasted right in front of me. assholes!! there was a brief scene of letterman or leno doing a show in the house and telling me to put a shirt on or something. everyone ignoring me, i discovered (as in many of my dreams) a drawer full of records that either do not exist, or are high on my want list. a very old acquaintance named nick s. told me that they were the property of the brother of my other friend nick, so i said i won't fuck with them 'cause if i even look at them wanymore, i'll have to steal them. there was more that was much more entertaining but it's gone now. thanks dina, beth, katy, pierre for not helping me and being jerks. i don't use heroin in real life, but i'm still mad.

in no particular order...

-TORNADO TOURISM - these storm chaser dicks who cart fat old broads from the coasts around the midwest to show them tornadoes. fuck these ambulance chasers and the horse they rode in on. let one of these asshats with too much money to waste spend the spring in the fucking basement and see how 'magical' a tornado seems then. where do they go for their winter vacation, fucking darfur or auschwitz or something? assholes!

-BEARDS- these band guys with beards. i think they see their beard as some kind of certificate of authenticity or sincerity. what they fail to remember is that a beard is just a big goatee.

a knock on the door of the basement of one half of the valley view drive duplex. it is susian shunk and susie squier arrived to inform me that beth sauers' parents have it out for me for getting their young son (?!) drunk. i realize that i, being very drunk with rodney at some point, had allowed the boy to drink. it is too late in the evening to call and apologize to the sauers', so i throw my phone in frustration. it flies over a shrub out of which pops some kind of zombie. on the other side of the shrub, a bench with a woman on it. underneath, the carcasses of many cell phones and a shitload of quarters. i try to take the quarters, but a female custodian arrives and collects them. i return to the duplex, inside the bedroom of which, jeffery jones (ferris bueller's day off, deadwood) is trying to land the plane (?!) in inclement weather. i wake somehow relieved that i don't have to apologize to beth's dad.

i'll make it brief. my parent's house. i'm housesitting or something. of course, my parents house contains a full shopping mall. lee (i think) shows up with a bunch of jock douchebags and some strippers. also LOTS of people. i'm freaking out trying to get a mall's worth of people out of my folks' housemall. i go into the kitchen and shaquille o'neal is in there eating strawberries from my folks' fridge. he's also apparently about to steal a leash. it's like a small dog leash, but i believe it to be a cat leash. he is amused at my dismay and i swipe the leash from him and proceed to whip him with the metal end of it crying out "you-don't-steal-from-my-parents-you-fucking-douche!" then i wake up. nervous and confused.

there was the horror of me having hot water dripping on me from the ceiling only to find out my grandparents had been electrocuted in the bathtub upstairs. there was the comedy of a movie theater in which hooks came down from the ceiling and pulled obnoxious moviegoers up out of their seats and into tubes in the ceiling. the hooks, dull not sharp, hooked the cheek or roof of the mouth of the offender. funny. weird.

goddamit why does the cable have to be so problematic when i want to remember a dream. so josie and i were getting ready for her brother's wedding and apparently we were doing so in some large Sam's club type of warehouse. i guess because it was filled with supplies. we were sort of moving in to get ready for the journey. a good friend from high school was set to join us. josie ran home to get me shoes and brought back my nastiest sneakers. then some douchebag who looked just like Edgar from 24 (also the fat cop from sopranos) made some snide comment about my intelligence. he turned out to be somehow connected with the english dept. i threatened him with extreme violence and encouraged him to check my grades if he had issues. i recall informing josie that the next time i attended a family event it would be a funeral, and nothing else. I THEN ASCENDED TO THE HEIGHTS OF THE UNIVERSE WHERE I LEARNED THAT LANGUAGE AND SOCIETY WERE ONE. LANGUAGE, ESPECIALLY THE CHINESE LANGUAGE WAS SHAPED LIKE A DROP OF STICKY LIQUID AND I SPAT IT OUT. I FOLLOWED THE DROPLET IN ITS DESCENT TOWARDS EARTH WHERE WE BOTH HIT THE WATERS OF PRIMORDIAL SEAS. THE DROPLET SPREAD LIKE SPERM AND I SANK THROUGH THE WATERS ENCOUNTERING THE SPECIES THAT SURVIVE A CERTAIN DEPTHS ACCORDINGLY. AFTER I REALIZED THAT NO VOICE OVER ACCOMPANIED ME, I FINALLY MADE IT BACK TO THE TOP. I SAW THAT THIS SEA OF LIFE AND LANGUAGE HAD BEEN CONTAINED BY THE WALLS OF THE WAREHOUSE. AS I CALLED OUT TO ANYONE, I AWOKE. HOLY FUCK. IF THE QUIT SMOKING DRUGS I WAS JUST PRESCRIBED HAVE THE SIDE EFFECT OF VIVID DREAMS HOW AM I GOING TO SLEEP AT NIGHT. I HAVEN'T STARTED TAKING THEM YET.

the shittiness of being awake is making it fade so i must remember quickly. i was in dekalb with my stepdad dan i think and i wanted to walk....scratch that i was in chicago with aaron and tobit and we were up all night shit faced then drove to batavia where we showed up unannounced at my dad's house and it was christmas morning. no presents in hand, we weren't very popular there. so then i guess i decided to walk to dekalb and had to pass through this huge white rundown building that was like an endless boarding house for scuzzbags. there was no light and as the windows began to disappear, perhaps i was underground, it was totally black and fucking nightmare. there were creepy dudes and freaks in the shadows who wouldn't respond to me.i somehow ended up in dekalb and wanted to cut through the main park. it wqs late and all these couples kept lookong at me funnt as i made my way through the college neighborhoods to the park. i figured out why when i got to the park, it was a fucking creepy shanty town ghetto with weird tents and shabby duplexes and shit. i was getting totally freaked out when my deceased grampa george's voice came from one of the duplexes. inside was my gramma betty! the duplex was half furnished and real looking, the other half looked like a cave, all rock high walls and shit. then out the window it was day and huge billows of smoke or ash or something were visible on the horizon. it was either a volcano or the nuclear plant in byron. i left to find that my car had been stolen by the scum in the shanty town. even though i walked there. actually i think my uncle mike stole the car.

previous blog deleted due to perspective. but just a little. call it limited edition blog whining.