THE QUIBBLER

(January Cover Story)

 NIFFLERS ROB GRINGOTT'S!

(What the Ministry is trying to hide!)

        Recently, our inside source into the Ministry of Magic, (who shall remain nameless by her own request,) have notified us of the latest Ministry cover-up. Last Tuesday, A band of Nifflers in league with You-Know-Who stormed the stronghold of Gringott's in the dead of night, accompanied by several angry Gnomes. Breaching Goblin Security, they took a cart and sniffed out the desired vaults, forcing one of the Goblins to open the door, stealing gold as well as items of the highest value.

        'By the time they [The ministry] reacted,' Our source says, 'The Nifflers and Gnomes had left with the stolen things. They threatened cursing me with Gum Disease. Of course, as a faithful reader [of 'The Quibbler'] I knew right away he was speaking of when the Rotfang Conspiracy plans are to be executed.'

        The witness in question, who happened to be strolling by the bank at the time of the disruption, has also informed us that each of the Nifflers and Gnomes bore the brand of The Dark Lord, and were in fact acting in his name.

        'The brought it all back to You-Know-Who. He probably was running short on gold, and so had his Niffler and Gnome minions attack Gringott's. I also believe he was mocking the Ministry by robbing a place of extremely High-Security.'

        Prior to the cover-up, investigators at 'The Quibbler' have found no signs that any further precautions have been taken against these vicious creatures. It is as though, in fact, the attack never happened. What means to fool the public shall Minister Scrimgeour stoop to next? Is he really any better than Ex-Minister Fudge?

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           Disclaimer: This cover page is owned by "The Quibbler". It's use has been authourized by the editour, Mr. Lovegood, and shan't be reproduced for any commercial purposes.

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Authouress Disclaimer (Luna Lovegood): This is an entirely made-up piece of fiction meant for entertainment/RPing purposes only. Any stories contained in these fictional excerpts from "The Quibbler" are just that: Fictional. All creatures contained here and within, unless stated otherwise, belong to J.K. Rowling. All accounts, descriptions, and all other "Facts" are also entirely fictional, made up by Me to (hopefully) get a rise out of you people. No, there aren't any Gnomes or Nifflers in league with Voldemort, (Much to my displeasure.) I would also like to take the opportunity to apologize for my lateness, however, School has been quite hectic and I have been unable to take the time to write! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed my rendition of "The Quibbler"!

THE QUIBBLER

(December Cover Story)

Nargles: That Which Lurks Behind the Mistletoe  

          The Holiday season is about, and we know that most will take this as the opportunity to hang mistletoe above the doorway. This, as Quibbler readers know, is a health risk, as the quaint sprigs often hold an infestation of Nargles.

          So, for our concerned mistletoe-lovers, we dedicate this issue to detailing the intricacies of the vicious creatures, as well as ways to defend your mistletoe from infestation.

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Profile of the Nargle

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THE QUIBBLER

(November Cover Story)

Lord Voldemort: The Past

In light of recent tragedies, "The Quibbler" has decided to move the spotlight onto Lord Voldemort's past, so as to explain to people why he turned out the way he is.

The truth that our researchers at "The Quibbler" uncovered was shocking. It seems that when Lord Voldemort (a.k.a "You-Know-Who," "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named," and the teasing nickname adopted by several students who are now under The Fidealous charm for their own protection, "The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live,") was young, records show that he was inflicted with a strange bite while he was sleeping. Experts were unable to determine what the bite was, and soon it disappeared. This was shortly before Voldemort began making his rise to power.

"We see now that letting that bite go was a mistake," said Emily Sanderson, 80. "We know now that the bite inflicted upon him was that of a Crumplehorned Snorkack. Such a bite, when left untreated, can cause several stages of illness, eventually leading up to a gruesome fate for the victim (See description of these symptoms as well as a description of the Crumplehorned Snorkack below.)"

Experts, now armed with the knowledge of the Crumplehorned Snorkack all agree that had the bite been treated, the horrid events of the wizarding worlds' darkest times may never have occured, and there would be no "Boy-Who-Lived" or "You-Know-Who (Lord Voldemort)".

An attempt to get an interview with Lord Voldemort was made, however, it is impossible to determine his whereabouts, and no comment was made by him.

- Reporter Lovegood

          (Editour)

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About the Crumplehorned Snorkack

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Name: Crumplehorned Snorkack

Description: Quite elusive creature, non-flying, has curled horns.

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Bite Symptoms (In Stages)

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Stage 1:     A bite appears mysteriously; slightly reddish around the

                   bite area. Person will become slightly irratable

Stage 2:     Person becomes increasingly more irratable and suffers

                   many sleepless nights

Stage 3:     Person will cut off most contact with any human beings,

                   dissappearing for long stretches of time

Stage 4 :    Final stage. Total bodily infection, beyond all help from

                   antidote. Person becomes violent and uncaring towards

                   everything, hating the world as it is. In some cases, such as

                   the one featured in this article, the person will suffer

                   various forms of insanity accompanied by severe

                   Schizophrenia.

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Disclaimer:

This cover page is owned by "The Quibbler". It's use has been authourized by the editour, Mr. Lovegood, and shan't be reproduced for any commercial purposes.

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Authouress Disclaimer (Luna Lovegood):

This is an entirely made-up piece of fiction meant for entertainment/RPing purposes only. Any stories contained in these fictional excerpts from "The Quibbler" are just that: Fictional. All creatures contained here and within, unless stated otherwise, belong to J.K. Rowling. The stages of infection and the idea of Crumplehorned Snorkack bites causing a type of insanity or anger is also entirely fictional, made up by Me to (hopefully) get a rise out of you people. Thankyou for reading, I hope you enjoy my rendition of "The Quibbler"! ^.^ (If you happen to be Role Playing as Tom Riddle or Lord Voldemort... Well... I hope you have a sense of humour...

Out Of Character Roleplayer Disclaimer

Le 16 Mars 2006

I didn't really think that I would have to do this, but I really feel lately that it is necessary. I ask you to please note that:

A. I am not Evanna Lynch, I am in no way famous. I'm just a roleplayer. If you want to find me, I'm on my friend list (on the top 8). Good luck trying to find me! ::laughs::

B. No, I do not want to chat with you through MSN or on the telephone, but if you are a roleplayer (or person not wishing to display horribly rude conduct to me over the internet) and wish to speak to me on AIM, I would gladly oblige you!

C. Please, I beg of you, stop hitting on me. If you really wish to 'date me' please do me a favour and talk to me for a while first. Don't request my friendship and immediately ask for my 'digits'.

D. I hate the phrase 'Can I have your digits.' It's a horrid peice of slang and it makes my eye twitch every time I hear it.

E. I love those of you who are reading this and plan to respect my wishes! ::smiles::

I thank you kindly for bearing with me, I bid you adieu!

My Regards,

Just Another Luna Lovegood