The truth has come from behind and accosted my existence. My life is now in clean hands..... uh oh. Hehehehe I hope I wake up soon... too much... these things are not supposed to happen in reality.... right thats why we have books and movies...... but I bet that they are based on truish stories in some realm. xoxoxo

I love it even during reconstruction

Monday, July 19, 2004

Temptation Dangerous Adventurous thrill seeking and mischievous I'm cracked strapped I'm Tapped like a rat in a cage, I'm trapped One look at him and I'll laugh Stroke him I'm broken but still I'm looking smoking living life everyday, temptation Lucid I'm Wicked some mutha fucker told me bitch, your a wizard Every time I turn around I feel strip-ed Walk off Drop out you better watch out I see my future mainly chaos and doubt Questions No answers Death consuming me it's called cancer My unfinished Rap song :) xo

Living in London for a bit now.... back to LA soon for a stint, then doing a world tour... miss all of my friends..... xoxoxoxoxo

I woke up early today, only slept for 2 and a half hours.
Sadness is beating on my door.
I have a cancer growing inside of me, infecting me one cell at a time.
The cancer is called complacency.*Burke ROberts)
Boredom is eating away at my soul.
I have been running at top speeds, trying to get away from myself.
7 months left, my date with destiny is fast approaching.
I have felt these feelings before,
I can't seem to place them in my tattered memory.
Escapism, as fun as it may be, is exhausting.
I remember numbness being an easy feeling to acheive.
Lonely nights keep me, I am paralyzed, phantom pains.
I am a bull dozer, accelerator stuck in drive.
Moving, running things over that are in my path.
Don't look back.
Whispers are coming from every corner, making out every 5th word.
Who is the one that has the answers to my questions?
I feel like a caged animal, but who is watching whom?
Today I will get some answers.
I have been feeling 16 again, 16 on my own
and completely, totally lost and scared.
Never let them see it, they will eat you alive.
Stop it, before it begins.
I wear my heart on my chest, burning, bleeding and blue.
I woke up very sad today.
Maybe it's PMS!

tyranny feeds a sick attractrion fiery events insighted anything for attention but like mick said, I can't get no satsifaction....

I am not well today :( I have not been well for the last year. I never thought it would last this long. I can't wait to get the hell out of this fucking town. Reminders are everywhere.

Dangerous Adventurous Turn your head and you're engaged with this I'm strapped Tapped One look at him and I'll laugh Stroke him I'm broken Can I get away from temptation? Lucid Wicked Every time I turn around I feel strip-ed Walk off Drop out I see my future and it's full of doubt Questions No answers Death consuming me it's called cancer My unfinished Rap song :) xo

Yeah, ewe. You know who ewe are. I saw ewe last night over at Spaceland or the Silverlake Lounge or the Derby or the Short Stop. Or maybe even it was someplace in Hollywood -- lately you've been expanding your empire in that direction, too. And maybe ewe weren't wearing a white belt, maybe it was just bellbottoms or a black T-shirt, possibly even with glitter on it, but, definitely, your hair was dyed black and cut in an ironic-type shag and in general we can all tell just by looking at ewe you're a seventies rock kind of person, the type that really would've dug the Stooges or the Ramones back when there's no way ewe would've EVER dug them since that was a real small scene, even smaller than this facsimile of that scene all these years later. I mean, nowadays, nobody's going to kick your ass for being into that shit the way they used to! And since there ARE a lot of other people into the same thing, real kewl people like ewe, we all know you're not a geek, either. You're, like, the happening thing, man. You're not into the Strokes -- God forbid, there's no way you're into the Strokes -- they're way WAY too popular for the likes of ewe! But ewe probably dig Acid Mothers Temple, right? They're, like, Japanese and stuff. And Bangs -- I mean who's heard of Bangs except for ewe? They're from Olympia, man! Hey, pop quiz: who started the scene in Olympia? Damn, that's right! Calvin Johnson! There's no way anybody's going to put one over on ewe! Ewe you really know your underground music! So, anyway, I saw ewe you last night. It's real funny because a few years ago I never saw ewe you anywhere and now you're everywhere I go, just like that song by Madonna. Oh, shit, did I say that? I guess I'm not kewl like ewe are! That must be why ewe always snub me. Which is kind of one of the things I want to talk to ewe about. Like, I don't get why you're always so snotty! Maybe it's shyness in disguise. Maybe you've got painful memories of nobody liking ewe in high school. But, see, that's why I think maybe ewe should be nicer than the people who were mean to ewe -- because EWE should know how it FEELS to be get snubbed. But it looks like you've forgotten all about that now that you're surrounded by lots of other people wearing white belts, too. Ewe guys have turned into regular little fascists! Yeah, I guess that must hurt. But I'm, like, trying real hard to be your friend so I've got to be honest and stuff. And not only are you real snotty but, to be kind of honest, the few times ewe HAVE talked to me, I kind of got the idea you're just a little bit stupid. Maybe that's why you're also so snotty -- ewe don't want anyone to figure out how dumb ewe really are! But couldn't ewe talk about something without it sounding like: "So, like, Scott comes over and he's, like, real drunk, and we're all, like, 'Whoa, Scott, why are you, like, SO drunk?' and Scott's like, "Dude, you're, like, SO nosey!'" Of course, ewe were never friendly enough to share Scott's alcoholism with me -- I don't even know the guy! -- but when I overhear ewe talking to your "friends" -- and I'm using quotation marks because I suspect ewe don't really have any! -- that's kind of the way ewe sound. And, yeah, I know I sound the same way but that's because I'm trying to get on your level. I mean what exactly did ewe do in college for four years? Didn't ewe ever read those books your professors assigned ewe? Ewe didn't? Oh, okay. That's one mystery cleared up! But there's still a few others. For instance, where did ewe come from? I mean where were ewe five years ago -- were ewe wearing completely different clothes back then or what? And why are ewe trying so hard to look and act like ewe live in New York when that's three thousand miles away? I mean you're not fooling anybody, ewe know. And what's going to happen after you've succeeded in driving up all the rents in LA, too? And what will become of ewe after it becomes unfashionable to wear white belts and dye your hair black? Will I still see ewe around then, too? So what should I look for? But I can see you're not going to answer. You're back to acting all snotty again. Was I too forward or what? Well, anyway, thanks for talking just a little bit. Ewe can get back to the Moving Units show now. Pop quiz: which two bands do Moving Units most imitate? Oh, shit, ewe failed this time. But that's okay. I won't say a word and I know ewe won't say one, either. Stay kewl, hear?

Don't be a pussy, tip your bartenders dammit, keep your parking mojo in check, get Lost in The Supermarket or at least listen to the Clash version 27 times, stop to smell the helicopters swirling over head, keep flask filled with premium vodka, don't drop any pepperoni pizza on your sh'nizzle, get out of the sun, make new friends, make new bartender friends, tell Jason Falkner what you think, remember your car is parked on Laurel Terrace but fucking yell at the valet attendant anyway, close down Mel's Diner, sleep one hour, be pretty in pink, be too trashed for El Cid, hug your partner in crime, don't be paranoid, listen, Drink, buy shades, see Heidi Fleiss after just mentioning her, sweat, dance, bob & weave, order the next round, buckle up & hold on cause the tires, shit they're going bald. My friend Jared wrote this about our vicodin Sunday.... what fun it was. We will have to do it again as soon as I recover, I am still shaking.... damn vicodin hangover!