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Dr. Walther O.  was a Jewish gentleman in Berlin during the Nazi regime. In 1942, he was arrested by the Gestapo. A year later, on September 9, 1943, he was shipped  off to Auschwitz. He was never heard from again. Ironically, this was the same day Italy had capitulated. ....

Dr. O. was a close friend of my grandmother’s, who had hidden him for a while until both of their arrests on October 29, 1942. My grandmother was released unexpectedly in January 1943 while Dr. O was not so lucky. Letters that the two wrote to each other were smuggled in and out of jail and are now in the Jewish Museum in Berlin. However, copies of those letters were left to me by my mother. ....

The last letter Dr. O. was able to send was written on September 8, 1943, 66 years ago today. I am publishing this letter in memory of Dr. O. and the millions of Jews , homosexuals, communists, gypsies and all the others who were killed between 1933 and 1945.....

For the ease of the reader, I decided not to mess with footnotes, but instead I inserted necessary clarifications in brackets.....

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                                                                                                                                                Wednesday,  lunch time

My beloved,

The letter is gone. I am starting a new one immediately. What I had written briefly this morning, I can write more at length now.  It eases my mind to know that you were not caught in between last week. At night, when the bombs flew, I thought to myself: Lucky that they are outside (note: this is in reference to property the family had owned outside of Berlin). In the distance, it won’t be felt quite so bad. When you hear the scream of the bombs before they hit, you have an uneasy feeling. You don’t know where the thing is going to hit. In close vicinity, such a hit is terrible, because it could be in your own building and the chunks could fall down any second. This second lasts an eternity. Then a sigh of relief follows. Until next time (see above).  It is a little more comfortable in the “Juwihouse”. A little further away!  Too bad about the apartment (my grandmother had lost her apartment in Berlin to the bombs)! Such a shame! That hurts me, too! But if you had been there, I can’t even imagine it!! When I saw you in good health, nothing else mattered to me anymore. You can replace everything except your health and your life.  What good does a steak do a dead dog? That says it all.

It’s just too bad that you had so much work with that! However, don’t overdo it! It’s too late to save anything now anyway.

You have to stay you, remember! For me, you have to stay my girl forever! For your beloved kids, you always have to be the mommy. We all need you, probably more afterward than now! You always have to consider that! Don’t forget, like I won’t forget you, won’t forget everything you have done for me.

                                                                                                                                Wednesday, evening

I just got news, not officially yet, but most likely accurate.  I will be transported to Auschwitz tomorrow or the day after.  The time has come. Inside, I am at ease. I will go with my usual fatalism. I will go with the hopes to see my beloved ones again once more. It is not easy for me to leave you two (my mother and grandmother) behind. Be good, think of me and, like me, hope for a happy future. It is getting dark. I have to finish for now.

Thank you, thank you so much for everything you gave me, everything you were to me. It cannot be expressed in many words nor in just one.  What would I have done, how would I have made it through these bad times if I hadn’t had you. A last friendly greeting, a last loving word, a passionate kiss and many embraces

Forever your Walther

Dear Ingelein (my mother), I will not have the privilege stay here until the end.  I have to make one final journey , which leaves everyone with dubious feelings. I have no option!  I will go on this journey as one has to.  Composed and prepared! Certainly not happy. There is no reason for that. But I hope to see you all again in good health! Our last meeting made me very happy, and I hope you as well.

Remember that I won’t forget you, that I hope you are working and that you make mommy, our beloved mommy and me very happy! You will promise this, you already did, and I know you will keep your promise. Hard work is the basis for a good life. You have an entire, long life ahead of you! Remember me, receive a last greeting with loyalty!

Walther

I hope to have time to write some more tomorrow.

Your somewhat sad Walther

I need a new door. A back door, to be exact. The old one fell off the hinges, totally by accident of course, and the fact that we didn't bother to replace the screws as they fell out one by one has absolutely nothing to do with this. NOTHING!

This is the door from the laundry room to the dog run. We use it to let the dogs in and out, but we still have a door from the hallway to said laundry room. It really is not important to have a door there at all; it only covers the room with our washer/dryer and other junk. Who needs washers, after all that's what they make laundromats for, right? Oh wait, not in our little town... We don't have laundromats. Even if we did, they would be used by so many people and I really don't care to share my cooties with others.

Anyway, one day last week, I had the door propped up against the frame while the pups were outside. When I went to let them in and I opened the door from the hallway to the laundry room, the door just fell over. "BANG" ... Like that, it fell over, hit the shelf behind it and split in half. As it turned out, it was a homemade door made of plywood or some cheap material like that.

Now I have half a door covering the doorway to the dog run. I tried to get it replaced, but as it turns out, it is such an odd size (like all the other doorways in this house), that I can't get a pre-made door. I will have to get someone to come out, measure it, make it and get it installed professionally. Well, professionally is good, but it is also pricey. Both major home improvement stores have the same prices: 299.00 to come out and measure the door and then install it, 100.00 for the door itself. Disgusting!

We have now decided to glue this blasted door back together. This should be funny! A GLUED door in the laundry room... We have a plan and will probably work on that later this afternoon. Or next week, who knows. I am in no particular hurry, Lady B is, though, because she believes that something keeps crawling into the laundry room just in time to hiss  at her and scare the living daylights out of her when she has to let the dogs in or out. Oy...

Well, happy july 4th, door glueing day!

OK, I slept in and I HAVE to go to work, so I somewhat decided to blow off chores and such... However, I did get busy. I got in the POOL! YAY! The first time in - what - 6 years? - that I actually went in the pool during the month of May. I'm such a baby! Today I made it, the earliest EVER, got in, swam around, saved a bee and had a blast.

After the swim I went on to wash my car and do the dishes. All done. Now the only two things on my list are a trip to the gym and a haircut (for today, not for this week). The haircut can wait till tomorrow and the gym I can still catch if even for half an hour. Better than nothing. On the other hand, it would be smarter to do the haircut today and gym tomorrow AFTER work instead of showing up at work all stinky and sweaty.... Oh wait, it's 105 out there, I'll be sweaty anyway!

Plans for the trip to the Petrified Forest are also coming along nicely, camera is ready, car will be filled up tomorrow!

Yep, life is good.

Last week I got to work a special detail: A car show! They had a 2 million dollar Bugatti there! WoW!!! I must say, though, some of the classics were more my thing. They had about 3 Shelby's, 2 Ford GTs, a Dodge Viper, lots of Vettes and Ferraris and the 1930s, 40s and 60s cars. It was cool!

On Saturday, it was off to Tuscon with my bud and hys lady. We had a blast and I got some boitime in. Yay, what a weekend!

On Monday - oh horrors - I had to work a double. We had a Hollywood movie premiere at one of our properties, the first time Hollywood left Hollywood for such an event. It was awesome! I got to turn back celebrities who showed up too late and I got to see Hugh Jackman up close. Well, the bike he was riding was awesome!

All in all, it was an exciting week. Today, I have free tickets to see the premiere of the new Star Trek movie! Tomorrow, we are invited to dinner by a couple of friends and all in all I am almost done with school. Yessssssss!!!!!!!!!!! Life is good!

There is nothing like a good freebie. Free food always tastes better. I'd eat almost anything if it was free! Free Starbucks is so much more enjoyable than the pricey kind - and thank goodness I get my share of free coffee at work!

Yesterday I had an awesome Monday experience. I had a "5 Dollar off" coupon for Famous Footwear. I went into the store just for the heck of it to check their sales rack. Usually this is how those visits go: I find nothing in my size at all. I find something that I like at a great price, but it's too big. Or I find something I really really like, but it's 3 sizes too big. I have small feet and I usually can't find men's shoes in my size at all while I don't wear women's shoes.

This time, my visit went as follows: I found a pair of nice looking Doc Martin's that just fit me. They felt a tad tight, but nothing that I can't break in. They were priced at $ 10.00. I had the coupon, so I figured I could afford a pair of shoes that would cost me less than lunch at Fatburger.
I stepped up to the register and the girl told me "those cost $ 5.00". Of course, they cost 5 bucks after my coupon, after all they were priced at 10.
She "rang" me up and told me "good bye, have a nice day". I looked at her all confoozed like as I had not even pulled out my credit card...

Wow, those Doc Martin's apparently were marked down to $ 5.00, regardless of their price tag. And with my $ 5.00 coupon, I got them for free! Dang!!! I have never seen that before!!! What a nice experience!!!

It's amazing how things fall into place when they absolutely have to. The moment I really freak out over not having any money for bills, when I am 5 minutes away from calling the sleazy lawyers to declare bankruptcy, something happens and my bills get paid. Some unexpected money appears from somewhere, sometimes the weirdest places, and I can breathe again, keep my house and don't have to worry about the size of my belly shrinking down.

Last week I spent a whopping TWO days brooding over this blasted research paper. I had started to worry about before then, even, but really put it off due to "lack of writer's brain" and "research format ignorance", both very common phenomena in our society I am sure...
On Sunday, as I was totally freaking out, after all, the assignment is due TODAY, I got a few hints from Lady B and all of a sudden, it came together and I came up with a rough draft. Yesterday, I basically wrote the entire paper in just a couple of hours and today I really didn't work on it that much yet, that was my assignment for tonight. I am looking at the blasted thing now and think I can finish it easily in an hour. In the meantime, I did get an extension from my teacher, but I am really ready to be done with this, so I may not use the extension....
Things like that keep happening. I am walking in circles, ready to pile in a heap like the charred leftovers of last year's Christmas tree after the bonfire and all of a sudden - BOOM - here comes the revelation, inspiration, live-saving experience/donation whatever. I know my mother is behind all this up there on her cloud taking care of me; letting me sweat it just enough to re-think my life, my actions or whatever brought me to that point, when there really are no more options and I repent and just KNOW I have learned from this.... THEN she does her magic and all is well again! Yeah, that's got to be it. My life is quite interesting, indeed.

1989 was a whopping 20 years ago! I just realized that this morning. I was watching a movie about the fall of the (Berlin) wall. I remember where I was that day, but I don't remember the exact details leading up to it. I do remember TV reports about the demonstrations that led to this significant event, but never thought much about it. The movie depicted the struggle of two guys in East Berlin who had a network of friends help them smuggle video recordings of the demonstrations in East Germany to a news station in West Berlin. It showed the abuse of those who tried to peacefully fight the system of the GDR by East German police. It showed the fear to be betrayed; only one "bad apple" was sufficient. One person betraying the group would result in arrests of them all and the following beatings and interrogations by the STASI (state police).
I moved away from Berlin in 1986. I remember  the day I made that decision. I stood at the checkpoint for three hours on a hot July day. All I tried to do was get to West Germany to a rodeo. Every person traveling to and from Berlin by ground transportation had to spend considerable time at those checkpoints to show their passports, explain to the border guards where they were going and why before they were issues a "temporary visa" with stamp and time of entry, which was used at the other end to trace the travel time. After all, it was forbidden to make any stops or detours, other than the duty free shops along the Autobahn. I remember those days, they were annoying but we were used to it. However, that one summer day, I had had enough. I came back from the rodeo and started making plans. I moved later that year, just three years before those demonstrations in East Germany and Czechoslovakia caused the East German leader to resign, citing health issues. Just three years and I could have been dancing on top of that wall that was a part of life in West Berlin and a death trap to East Germans who tried to get past it. I am still thinking about how much of all this I missed. My cousin's kids were on top of the wall with hundreds of other people while I got up in the morning and turned on the TV - like always - to watch the news and was greeted by pictures of the events of the night before. This was November 9, 1989, almost 20 years ago now. It is hard to believe that 20 years went by so fast! I am thinking of all the things I have done in those 20 years, realizing how long ago all this really happened. Yes, I wish I had been there, but this is not something I can change, so why think about it? When I turned on the TV that day and saw those pictures, I was totally confused. I was thinking this was all a bad joke! After all, there is NO way they would really open up the borders! No way at all!! They were set in their ways, they had been guarding that border intensively for decades! This wall had been built a year before I was born and had always been there in my memory. I couldn't grasp the thought of all this changing in one night! Of course, it was not just one night, it was a long struggle of the East German people that had climaxed a few weeks before the event: People seeking asylum in the West German embassy in Czechoslovakia, thousands of people demonstrating in East German cities like Leipzig and the videos of those events making the West German news. This was especially devastating for the East German government as they were very strict about what was sanctioned to be shown to the public. Are those stories depicted in that particular show I saw true? I don't know. I don't think so, as there was no reference to the real people. However, I do remember newscasts of the protests. They did make the news certainly without the approval of the GDR Government. Yes, those were interesting times and I am glad I had a chance to see this huge event in history close up, even if I was not as close as I would have liked to have been. I moved away from Germany five years later, but I really didn't go back to Berlin as much as I should have during that time. I am planning on going to visit soon, though, and really take a trip around town without being stopped by the "fascist safety wall".

Last night, we went to see CATS. Again for the first time after years. It was great. The show was different. The orchestra was slow as molasses, but some of the vocal arrangements were really good. Most of the cast were great!
This brought back memories. I remember the times when I traveled all over the place to see the show, when I mingled with the actors and knew everybody. I have a box of little souvenirs that I collected, Bustopher's roses, beads that had fallen off costumes (most likely Mistoffelees) and other stuff. I remember watching shows from seats right on stage and seats at the aisle, because that's where they come by. I remember the dancers "flirting" with me during the show or staring at me during "The Naming of Cats", trying to "outstare" me. And I remember "Jellicle Balls" in Hamburg, those annual parties that were thrown by the company for the actors. I was invited to a few. They put on a little show where each actor performed something or broke into the "Les Miz" dance in the middle of a conversation with a glass of champagne in hand. I still have pictures hanging on the wall that were taken backstage during a performance with all sorts of dressed up "two-legged cats" posing. I am not in touch with any of them anymore now, even though I emailed a couple of them in recent years, but those days are definitely over. It was a great time in my life and I love to reflect back on it. However, I admit that I really miss it when I watch the show now and don't hang out by the stage door to meet up with them after the show. I miss hanging with the actors, the dinners at Asian restuarants custom ordered by an actor who spoke chinese dialects and took care of all of us while to this day I have no clue what I really ate that night.
Oh well, I will always have my "Memories" and I will still go to see the touring productions when they come to town.

Another one of the "Only in America" musings...
I cracked up a cashier at a fast food joint today. As I drove up to the window to pick up my food, I noticed the big sign advertising their latest "raffle" type promotion. "You could win...." if you use your VISA card. Every entry is elligible for the $ 1000.00 gift card for amazon.com or something like that. The small print (I know, it's required by law to have disclaimers that are sometimes longer than the entire advertisement) started with big, fat letters: NO PURCHASE NECESSARY... Yes this actually happened. I asked the cashier about this and she got so confused, the poor girl, it was funny to watch her face going from blank to blanker! So, let's summarize: We can win something if we use our VISA card (as opposed to cash, AMEX, MC, Discover and so on), but yet, we don't have to purchase anything. Wonder if I can have the girl swipe my card for $ 0.00??? What would she do? How would her register react if I tried to pay for nothing??? LOL