I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece.  I thought that
odd since they were normally a couple thousand each.  I decided not to
look a gift horse in the mouth.  I bought 200.  I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home.  I have a big car.  I let one drive.  His
name was Sigmund.  He was retarded.  In fact, none of them were really
bright.  They kept punching themselves in their genitals.  I laughed.
Then they punched my genitals.  I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room.  They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment.  They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
high speeds and slam into the wall.  Although humorous at first, the
spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
they all died.  No apparent reason.  They all just sorta' dropped dead.
Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.  Damn
cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do.  There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet.  It didn't work.  It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals.  That worked for
a while, that is until they began to decompose.  It started to smell real
bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want
to call the plumber.  I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.  Unfortunately
there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
them every 30 seconds.  I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them.  Little did I know my bed was flammable.  I had to
extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed.  The odor
wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
bathroom.  I severely beat one of my monkeys.  I felt better.

I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't
allowed to dispose of charred primates.  I told him that I had a wet
one.  He couldn't take that one either.  I didn't bother asking about the
frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution.  I gave them out as Christmas gifts.  My
friends didn't know quite what to say.  They pretended that they like
them but I could tell they were lying.  Ingrates.  So I punched them in
the genitals.

I like monkeys

BASICS:
Name:
Age:
Location:
Height:
Hair (color and style):
Eyes:
Piercings/tattoos:

OTHER:
1. Where would we go on dates?
2. Who are three (or more) of your favorite bands/artists?
3. Do you drink/smoke??
4. Do you like the rain?
5. If so...would you play or dance in it with me?
6. Do you like movies?
7. If so would you stay up and watch them with me all night?
8. Could we cuddle and just fall asleep together?
9. Would you kiss my forhead
10. Do you play an instrument?
11. If so...what and would u play it for me?
12. Would you call me right after we saw each other to make sure i made it home alright?
13. How would you rate your hugs from 1-10?
14. Favorite body part on a girl?
15. What would you say is the best thing about yourself?
16. Do you have any reps (ie: heartbreaker, player)?
17. Would you give me kisses just because?


What Would You do if...
I cried:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I wanted to cuddle:
I ran away from home:
We got in a fight:
I said i loved you:
I pissed you off:
I was all tied up:

What Do You Think Of My...
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Manners:
Friends:
Decisions:



Would You...
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Buy me a birthday gift:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Go out at 4am to get me chocolate:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Keep in touch:
Make me a snack:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Makeout with me:
Hold me in times of need:
Ditch me:
Use me:
ask me out:
Date me:
kiss with me whenever and where ever you had the chance?
Hold me and make my problems go away?

        001. What is Your Name? Morgan
002. How old are you? 19
004. Height: 5'4"
005. Where do you live? Atlanta
006. Do you wear a lot of makeup? no
007. Piercings? 5 (for now thinking about another but most likely will not end up getting it)

Your Perfect Date:
008. Age: around mine
009. His Body characteristics? athletic
010. Hair color: i like dark but whatever looks best on him
011. Where would you go? midnight picnic in some random place
012. Is he: outgoing or shy? both
013. Would you kiss on the first date? maybe
014. What about going farther than a kiss? no
015. Does he wear boxers or breifs? boxers

Which do you prefer?
016. Pizza or pasta? hummm hard, pizza i guess
017. Jeans or a dress? either, or, or both at the same time
018. Abercormbie and Fitch or Urban Outfitters? . . . . if i have to choose, urban outfitters, both are way too expensive
019. Be Rich or Be Happy? happy
020. Shower or a Bath? shower
021. Gym or music? both
022. Family or friends? . . . . both
023. Kiss or hug? both
024. Drugs or alcohol or none? i would say alcohol but i am trying to be a good girl now, so neither

Have you ever?
025. Failed a class? ya (damn calc 2 at Tech, fucking 4 hoursemen!)
026. Ran away from home? ya
027. Cursed at your parents? . . . dont think so
028. Taken a dare too far? what was the dare? no
029. Flashed someone? nope
030. Made out? ya
031. Had a sexual experience with the same sex? What was it? . . . does kissing in middle school count?

Your Favorite:
032. TV Show: dont have one, no time for TV
033. Clothes Store: cant say, i shop at alot of places
034. School subject: genetics (biology in general)
035. Music Artist: System of a Down if I have to pick
036. Song: there are too many
037. Food: . . . . i dont know

Other...
038. Body type (slim/medium/athletic/other) medium/athletic
039. bra size? . . . . wtf . . . . fine 34B
040. Whats on your dresser? lamp, clock, books, earings, . . . my speeding ticket
041. Do you have any siblings? How old are they? brother, 14 but he acts like his 6
042. What do you wear to bed? pajamas usually (since i share a room) but would most likely be nothing if that was not the case
043. How old were you when you first had Sex? 18
044. Do you beleive in ghosts? not really
045. Do you have your own pc? ya, have to for school
003. Eye color? mostly brown
004. Hair color? Red, mahogany, and copper
Favorites.....
006. Country? Ireland
008. Movie? Monty Python
009. Drink? strawberry kiwi juice
010. Animal? kitty
011. Color? most of them
013. Sport? Irish Step Dancing
014. Jewel? silver
015. Subject? genetics (biology in general)

Stuff......
016. Best thing that happened to you in the last few years? started college
017. Do you want to get married? yes
018. Kids? someday
019. Best place to go on a date? should not matter if your with someone you like
020. What is your dream? there are many
021. What do you want to do when you grow up? go into research at the CDC
022. Play an instrument? did, i'm a dancer
023. Ever danced barefoot in the rain? of course!

Friends....
024. Friend you have known the longest? . . . dont know, have not really kept up with people, anjali i guess
025. Best friend(s)? Alli, Adam, and Brad if i have to name the best
026. Friend that makes you laugh the most? too many to choose
027. Friend who you can talk to anything about? Alli, Adam, and Brad, have not really talked to them in a while though
028. Friend with the best personality? wtf! how can i choose!
029. Last friend to call you? brad . . . i was drunk
030. Last friend to talk to you? Ben
031. Last friend you hung out with? most of them! wonderful party at jon's
032. Last friend you went to a movie with? Ben
033. Last friend to make you laugh? cant remeber, they all make me laugh all the time
034. Most memorable experience with a friend? every day with them is memorable
035. Anything you plan to do with friends when you get older? travel
036. Any trips planned with friends? not real ones at the moment

Opinions/ Thoughts
037. Aborption? that is a personal decision, i will never truely know my answer until i am in the situation where i have to make that call, which will hopefully be never
038. Gay rights? let them do what they want, why should it matter, how are they really any different?
039. Violence in the media? people are not realistic enough, it would not be a issue if people actually parented their children
040. Micheal Jackson? . . . . fucking weird
041. Aids? as in HIV? its an unfurtuante thing (i have a relative suffering from it) but i see its need in the world

Travels
042. Ever travelled anywhere? Ireland :D
045. Do you want to live in a foriegn country? yup
046. Where do you want to live when you're older? Ireland

047. Do you remember your dreams? most of the time
048. Do you believe that there is such a thing as soulmates? maybe, i have not met mine so i dont know
049. Do you believe in love at first sight? would lilke to but "love at first sight" always seems to end in a purely physical relationship
050. What was your favorite childhood toy? a stuffed polar bear
051. Thoughts on life??? keep living it
052. If you were stuck on an island who would you want with you? do i only get one? the person i love most i guess
004. Your Hometown? Marietta
005. Where do you live now? same house, live in the ATL though for school
006. Birthday? March 21, first day of spring
008. What kind of car do you have? Volvo 940 . . . w00t
009. Your Style? i am me
011. Longest Relationship? 5 months i think
013. Who was the last person to call your cell phone? RJ
014. Your weakness? . . . too many
015. Your Fears? to be alone
016. What makes you happy? alot of things, the little things in life
018. Any tattoos? nope
019. Are you a virgin? no
020. Have you ever been caught doing something you shouldnt be doing? most likely
021. Whats the last movie you watched? Pirates of the Caribbean
024. What was the last thing you were doing before this? work :p
025. What were you doing at midnight last night? driving to a party
026. Who would you like to see right now? adam, alli, and brad
027. Whats your most missed memory? just messing around campus with the people i love
030. Where do you work? Publix
031. What do you want to be when you get older? dont know
032. What was the last compliment you recieved? . . . . not telling
034. Have you picked out names for your children? . . . ya, Quinn (has to have 2 n's)
035. Are you satisfied with your life? right now, i guess so

      006. Your Crushes First Name: not telling!
008. Have You Ever Sat on your rooftop? yup, all the time
009. Have You Ever Kissed someone in the rain? yup ^___^ i loves to
010. Have You Ever Talked to someone you don't know? yup, that is how you meet people
011. Have You Ever Gone out of your way to befriend someone? ya
012. Have You Ever Made out in a theatre? yup!
013. Who was the last person to Tell you, I love you? dont know, i think someone came really close last night
014. Who was the last person to Kiss you? Ben
015. Who was the last person to Call your cell phone? RJ
016. Who was the last person to Go with you to the movies? Ben and my brother (saw Alex ther but that does not count)
017. Who was the last person to Touch you? Jim
020. Can You Stay up a whole night without sleep? ya
021. Can You Speak a different language? not really
027. Have You Ever Skinny Dipped hehehehe yup
030. Do you wear glasses or contacts? mostly contacts but i do wear glasses some time
035. How much cash do you have on you? $15 i think, may have spent it
036. What did your last text message say? Come save me from myself!
038. What's a word that you say a lot? changes about once a month
039. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? eyes
040. Are you too shy to ask someone out? no
041. Who would you like to see right now? they know who they are
042. Would you go on a date with someone on MySpace? not that i met through myspace
043. The first time You had sex? last day of summer before i left for Tech
044. The first time You had oral sex? early last summer
045. The last time You saw someone else naked? who? today, we showered together
051. Have you ever had a one night stand? yes, i dont plan on doing it ever again!
052. Did it involve sex? ya
054. Do you beleive you should be in love to have sex? i would like to say yes
055. Right at this moment Where are you? dinning room
056. Have you ever been to NYC? nope
057. Have u ever pulled an all nighter? where? ya, at Tech
059. Would you ever date someone younger than you? ya (2 years younger)
060. Would you ever date someone older than you? ya (. . . . 5 years older)
061. Are you the romantic type? yes, very much so
062. Is your best friend a virgin? no
063. Has there ever been a rumor spread about you? yes, so much gossip at work
064. What did you do last night? went to a party and saw people i miss very much

It has come to my attention that some people do not realize that 2>1 so I am going to fix that by comparing two competitive grocery stores.

To start off Publix has much cleaner stores than kroger. Publix is always well lit and inviting. 

I have seen the deli personally at kroger picking their nose and wiping it on their clothing before helping a customer with their meat selection. Yummy.

Publix is all about its customer service. If an item is marked on sale but it rings up the wrong you get the item free and any additionally items at the lower price, Publix promise. You also do not need a silly card to get the advertised sale price at Publix like you do kroger.

Every Sunday and Monday Publix as an item that you can purchase for a penny with a coupon that can be found in the Sunday paper (but do not worry if you dont have the coupon, just ask the cashier and they will give you the item for a penny anyway). These penny items can be anything such as a half gallon of milk, apple juice, a dozen eggs, etc.

If an item is marked buy-one-get-one-free at Publix and you get only one of these items then it will ring up at half price were as at kroger you have to buy two to get the deal.

kroger has a "picnic" section which is the sole location of napkins. This "picnic" section is totally separate form the paper aisle where paper plates and cups are located, thus showing that kroger has no rime or reason to where items are located in the store.

While walking around in kroger you will randomly hear a cow mowing and a chicken clucking. These annoying sounds are meant to draw customers to the milk and eggs. Personally I just want to shoot them.

Publix allows customers to get up to $25 back then they write a check and $50 back when they use a debit card.

Although kroger also has items set out to be tasted (even if they usually are empty), Publix offers free cookies in the bakery. There is also an area in Publix where an employee makes a entire meal and prepares samples to be handed out.

To top it off, Publix actually pays their employees well above minim wage which brings in a more enjoyable, higher caliber employee.

I interviewed a customer who shops at both kroger and Publix regularly. Her response was "Publix has class!"

Publix > kroger

random things to do when you are bored in the EC:

get a job working for a cooperation and single handedly sabotage them form the inside out

pimp the people at local grocery story for free food

play chicken in your car with the neighbors cat who refuses to get out of the road

take up a deadly sport such as archery or swordsmanship and hunt creatures in your backyard or practice on a younger brother

secretly sabotage a relationship between your friend and a girl you know he should not be dating

go to a doctor with a fake illness that could easily be feasible but they never can quite figure out what is wrong with you

play at the local school play ground at night until the cobs come and kick you out

win $25 form one of the guys who frequents the new local hookah bar by playing him in poker

plan a trip to six flags and invite everyone you know

straighten your brothers curly hair until he looks like a little emo boy

make every attempt you can to escape back to tech

so i've decided to do an experiment

in a months time i'm either going to be happy i didn't waste $40 or be in an extrem amount of pain

which will it be?

has totally fucked up his life, is dealing drugs, and will be going to jail in two weeks?

1. Refuse anything he offers you

2. Don't get in his car when he says he has to go pick something up form a friends house at 1:00 in the morning!

3. Answer him truthfully because he always knows when you are lieing to him

4. Let him vent, there are so many times when he has put up with your bullshit, you can put up with some of his

5. Make sure he gets you home on time!

6. He realizes his fucked up, is scared, and is trying to change things, you dont need to tell him anything, just be there for him

7. Dont judge

Why guys suck:

1. They make you feel used.

2. They smell. You are sitting in chemistry lecture minding your own business and then you catch the air of the CS major sitting 3 rows in front of you and it is so bad you start to get a headache. It also turns out that he is in you lab!

3. They are far too libidinous. They want you to suck so in turn they suck . . . enough said.

4. They think they can fix all your problems. As you stand in front of them crying, they think that by preaching to you all of your problems will be fixed when, in reality, all you need is for them to hold you close.

5. Most support male dominance. Stop living in a dieing age where you have total control over your woman. God I have to get out of the south!

6. They never understand why what they do is wrong. They think that it's perfectly natural for them to "sew their wild oats" and "give advice" and tell you to obey them because "God told us that in the Bible", and then they can't understand why we cry and leave them. (brought to you by Alexandra)

7. we're just plain dysfunctional, and only some of us can admit it (thanks to Renaud, even though he its a guy)

8. . . . the main reason for why guys suck is a very long story, but trust me it tops them all

 List to be continued, unless I decide to totally eradicate the male species (which you know very well I am quite capable of doing).