It is unimaginable how difficult it is to leave family, friends, boyfriend, and people I care about all at the same time. You really don't realize how hard stepping out of your comfort zone is until you actually experience it first hand. To move somewhere where you don't know ANYONE and experience diversity that you would never experience on your own is emotionally exhausting. Being the Tough Girl Trisha that I am and not being a sensitive or emotional person led me to believe that I could conquer anything without letting my emotions get the best of me, and trust me when I say I was definitely wrong.
Today God gave me a wake up call. Basically he told me that I need to remember who I am, where I came from, and what I believe. As I was walking through the harbour, surrounded by a crowd of people and mini bands and diggeree-doo-playing guys, I heard about two strums of a guitar and immediately recognized the song being played. It was "Here I Am To Worship", one of my favorite church songs. How I heard those two guitar strums out of everything that was going on boggles my mind, but I started to walk in the direction of the music. Two brothers were sitting down on the cement and playing for a crowd of maybe 8-10 people in the middle of the harbour. As soon as I walked up and heard one of their voices singing the song, I instantly started crying... a lot. And if you know me at all you definitely know that I do not cry.
Something came over me that unexpectedly hit me on the head and made me look at myself in the mirror. On the day that I'm getting ready to go to a huge Mardi Gras parade for homosexuals and party it up like there's no tomorrow, God works in a mysterious way to remind me who I am and who created me. My priorities have been so mixed up that all I've been thinking about is which club I'm going to and what I'm wearing that night. I haven't thought about what is really important in my life. Hearing songs today that bring out a part of me that I haven't paid attention to since I've moved showed me that I'm not alone. Seeing two brothers sit in the middle of a harbour and expressing their love for God touched my heart so deeply that it made me sit back and look at the big picture. It's hard to be at a vulnerable age (college years and shortly following that), leave everything and everyone you know, and think about the big picture. God touched me today and reminded me that he is still there and always will be. He made me think about what I'm doing and made me realize that it's not me. He had a roommate that I've only known for two weeks give me words of wisdom after my breakdown that I had already been saying in my head but needed to hear just as bad. I was reminded today by God that I am not on my own. It was a breath of fresh air and a relieving feeling in my heart to hear familiar songs that I sing that give me that amazing feeling of having God in my heart. I asked Him to please give me someone to talk to, to relate to and who can be my backbone when I need one, and immediately he showed himself through one of my roommates. My feelings have been so discumbobulated today. On the one hand, I felt a sense of comfort in finally seeing that I am not alone and God is everywhere and that I don't need to be in my comfort zone, surrounded by familiar faces to remember He's there. He can hold my hand without me having to have anyone else there to physically do it for Him. On the other hand, I realized how bad I need to sort out my priorities and ALLOW Him to be there for me and it killed me to think that I have been straying away from that.
I thank Him everyday for giving me the life I have. My biological mother could have easily had an abortion and I wouldn't be here. An atheist family could have easily adopted me and it would be harder for me to find God, instead He blessed me with a family that showed me Him from the beginning. I cannot describe how thankful I always have been that God blessed me with amazing people in my life that have taught me right from wrong, good from evil, and the most important things in life.. but ever since I've been here and out of my comfort zone I've only been MORE appreciative and thankful. It's one thing to thank God for giving me my family, friends, boyfriend, and the knowledge of his presence when I'm surrounded by loved ones that feel the same way but it's another to be reminded of that when I'm on my own..... It makes me realize even more how lucky I am.
I really think God turned up my hearing today to hear the familiar melody of that song. He knew it was just about that time that I needed Him to remind me that He loves me and that He is always there for me. I might not be physically able to have my friends or family hold and comfort me right now, but I was reminded today of the one person who always is.
My Dad sent me an e-mail a couple of days ago that really began to trigger my thoughts, and his words were so wise that I feel the need to share them:
"Reach your hand out to those who you don't agree with. Be a friend to the friendless. Celebrate the diversity of the world. If you feel that your peers are doing things that will come back to haunt them, tell them. Hopefully they will do the same. People don't have to get drunk to have a good time and it's expensive not in the monetary but in the physical. Christians can have fun without altering their minds through chemicals. Remember, hate the sin but love the sinner."
Now that all of this is off my chest, I feel even more of a breath of fresh air. I think we all need a little reminder from time to time of how amazing God truly is. Pray, ask for comfort, ask for direction, ask for faith and ask for knowledge. (Matthew 7:7-8) Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. I hope you all read this and get a smile on your face, or at least take the time to remind yourselves why we're here. I love you all.
God Bless,
Trisha