Ah, Battlestar Galactica. I could (and probably will) write many an essay on the power, scope, and impact of the recently finished series...but for now, I'm here to revel in the afterglow of television's finest hour with something far more appropriate: Forehead-slapping, head-shaking nerdiness. It is a bold new world, friends, and it calls for a new breed of Trekkie. My name is Mike, and I'm a frakkin' toaster lover. 

A year ago, I went to the Emerald City ComiCon to meet Jamie Bamber - BSG's Lee "Apollo" Adama. It was a cool experience, but it taught me a few things:

1. Meeting celebrities can be expensive, especially when you mistake the autograph line for the photograph line
   
   
2. It is easy to make an ass of yourself when you don't have much to say beyond "Uh...hey, you rock!"
   
   
3. Asking "How was your lunch?" is much a simpler way to save face than becoming a filmmaker...

Just a quick distilling of my thoughts on WATCHMEN. We all know the score by this point anyway. Note: This is a SPOILER FREE zone.

The Good
- The opening sequence rocked. Cut to a brilliantly placed Bob Dylan tune, it managed to knock out a full 20% of the graphic novel and set a pretty solid tone for the picture. The editing was very good, made better by the careful syncing that bestowed upon Dylan's lyrics an almost narrative feel.

- In fact, much of the music of WATCHMEN was used wonderfully. The one glaring exception here is Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah", which was dropped with all the grace of an open-faced peanut butter sandwich.

- Patrick Wilson pulled off one hell of a good Dan Dreiberg. Not one of my favorite characters from the graphic novel, here he was easily the most relatable of the pack and his time on the screen lent genuine gravity to otherwise ambiguous threats. Ditto Jeffery Dean Morgan's Edward Blake, even if the guy looks too much like Robert Downey Jr. for his own good.

- The departures/omissions from the novel were wise, especially in light of the already massive runtime. This is most clear with the modified ending sequence. It accomplishes the exact same setup as the novel without the need for two additional plot threads, 15 new characters, and a mask for the already-present sense of doom. I mean, given a choice between a dollar bill and 20 nickels, wouldn't you choose the dollar too?

The Bad
- Any hope of the awesome pacing established with the opening was squashed before Dylan's last chords faded to memory. If I hadn't just read the graphic novel and been keen to the painstaking reproduction, I'd have been bored out of my fucking mind. The flick could have been condensed into 70% of that length and probably would have ended up pretty exciting. Take a cue from Adrian Veidt and save all the details for the high-dollar director's cut merchandising phase.

- Rorschach had Batman voice. Hrmph.

- Dr. Manhattan had Russell Hammond voice - completely unprocessed Russell Hammond voice. Not to sleight the talented Billy Crudup, but it really crushed the imposing figure of the most powerful being in the universe. To illustrate, just imagine Darth Vader voiced by Crispin Glover. See? No good.

- And while we're on the subject: If you're going to go the full-CGI route to animate one of your most critical characters, at very least take the time to ensure that the lip-sync animation is spot on. Nothing says "bad call" quite like an effects-based flick that uses the same animation engine as Myst 3.

The Comments
- Zack Snyder has a definite style, rooted in slow-motion action sequences rewarded with excessive violent gore and gratuitous nudity. In short, he's a badass pop director with his finger square on the pulse of America's diminishing attention span. He's also caught in a bit of a conundrum in that he's attaching himself to projects with which he's too enamored to adapt into functional cinema. WATCHMEN, like 300, was crushed under the weight of its own devotion. I would love to see what Zack Snyder does with an original screenplay. If nothing else, it'd be pretty and fun.

- Rorschach is still the hardest badass ever to grace the paneled page. My kudos go to Jackie Earle Haley for not fucking it up. The presence, if not the voice, was a pleasure to behold.

- Walking out of the theater to the buzzing of offended nerds chattering about misquotes and blue Bubastis made the whole 4-hour event worthwhile. The Comedian was right: They'd all be laughing too, if only they got the joke.

What'd you think?

Greetings friends!

First off, thank you for all of the positive feedback regarding the WRIGHT STREET trailer. I'm currently up to my neck in the editing process, after which I still have to do all of the visual effects work, video post filters, a few dialog dubs, and all of the post audio work. So, to answer a question that many of you have asked:

We're planning a tentative release date for the film of January 2010. That'll give us plenty of time to get all of the bugs out, and line us up nicely for the 2010 festival circuit. We'd have to rush things a bit too much to make the 2009 deadlines. Sorry for the wait; I'll do my best to make it worth it :-)

In the meantime, I'll be releasing whatever fun little projects we undertake in the process. First up: The Scisspenn - An intentionally ultra-cheesey mock commercial we put together for a friend's class project. This version was written by and stars "Charmless" Joel O'Connor, and was shot/edited/directed by me. Enjoy!

And a proud pile of kudos to Sharon Martin, who in spite of grave technical difficulties that ultimately delayed her winter break, still rallied to create and turn in her own version of the film rather than succumb to the temptation of stealing mine ;-)

Cheers!

Behold, at long last, the first official unveiling of the project that has been keeping me so scarce in both web-land and the world at large. Enjoy!

The Official WRIGHT STREET Trailer

That's right: A full-length independent feature film financed and directed by yours truly, hopefully coming to a festival circuit near you in early 2010. Other noteworthy credits:

Written by and starring Dr. Royce Clemens

Produced by and co-starring Joel "Charmless" O'Connor

Featuring: Shawna Saffle, Evan Kubena, Kelsey Rider, Heather Cook, and the non-MySpacing elite of Anna Townes and Scott Waddell

Indispensible, multi-talented crew: Tim Riney, Leo Jackson, Sarah Rorvig, Summer Warren, and Chuck DeLuca

And an army of special thanks without whom this could not have happened, who will be lauded in the highest style I can provide in the film's end credits. You guys rock!

So...I'm dyin' to know: How's it look?

"What are your ten favorite movies?"

It is the oldest question in the book. Amazingly, it is also one of the most difficult ever put to the film critic. We talk about movies all the time, culling the weak and raising our noses high enough to keep the bar just out of reach of the average summer blockbuster. But beneath all the high-brow half-stars and popcans lurks nothing more than a child enamored by the magic of the silver screen. We've been jaded by remakes, shallow agendas, and Michael Bay, but we charge back to the frontlines time and again because we have tasted the food of the gods and know, beyond any doubt, that the tree will bear fruit once more.

And what is the source of this faith? The ten big ones. While the commandments vary among us, the product is the same: A system of sacred examples through which we learn to distinguish the right from the very, very wrong; a collection that defines our outlook on the world and sheds irrefutable insight into our own unique experience. Yet in spite of this importance, we let them drift, subconscious and ethereal; unspoken. To utter all ten is an exercise in humility, a naked and vulnerable window into the secrets behind our most guarded layers of enigma. But then, here we are...

Sure, it might be a tag...but it is also a cornerstone of Ægirspace and the medium through which I have come to count many of you among my friends. So without further ado, I present my own holy list of top-ten films. Enjoy!

10) THE GOONIES

Director: Richard Donner
Release Year: 1985

"Heyyy Youuu Guyyys!" It was a fine summer evening in 1985 when ol' Ægir strolled into an indoor cinema for the very first time. And folks, I can tell you from the deepest corners of experience that the most surefire way on the planet to convert a six-year-old kid into a film junkie is to throw in a scene with a dude getting hit in the nuts with projectile dentures. While it is undoubtedly one of the crowning achievements of the 1980s - and just ask Cindi Lauper if you don't think it's good enough - THE GOONIES is far more than a product of its time. It is time. Time for kids to realize that they aren't powerless when grown-up circumstance comes to piss in their pool. Time for adults to recognize that sports cars and lingerie are a small condolence when we've outgrown the great adventures of our lives. Time for a Baby Ruth, a few good friends, and just enough rich stuff to stay where we all belong. Damn it feels good to be a Goonie.

9) JAWS

Director: Steven Spielberg
Release Year: 1975

"Farewell and adieu to ye fair Spanish ladies..." Alright, let's just pretend for a moment that we aren't talking about one of the greatest films in motion picture history. Set aside its tremendous impact on both filmmakers and recreational swimmers alike; overlook the soundtrack that has transcended the medium to become an icon of our greater American culture; ignore the brilliance and spontaneity of a cast and crew that redefined the standards of the modern Blockbuster; just dismiss it all. What we're left with is an incredibly timeless story that is as genuine, entertaining, and downright terrifying today as it was in awestruck cinemas over 30 years ago. JAWS is a blast, pure and simple. Oh, and did I mention that it also happens to be one of the greatest films in motion picture history? Word.

8) STAY

Director: Marc Forster
Release Year: 2005

"I thought you read the file." It wasn't all that long ago that the very concept of a column like P2C was foreign to me. Film reviews? Fuck no! I mean, we're talking about the people who give a film like THE ENGLISH PATIENT four stars and then turn around and trash STARSHIP TROOPERS. Perhaps the only thing more counterproductive than public opinion is a published opinion. I owe my critic origins to a dude named "xxTw33kl33txx" who, on a forgotten movie forum some years ago, saw fit to pan Marc Forster's STAY with a sophistication that only a dude calling himself "xxTw33kl33txx" could muster. Choice phrases like "SIXTH SENSE knockoff" blended with the lines "If you can't make any sense then stay teh [sic] fuck home. Why should I pay you to think when I can do it for free?" to create a popular review that 169/181 people found helpful. Really? STAY is an absolutely brilliant film featuring some of the most amazing, subtle cinematography ever set to motion. It is a feature-length examination of the instantaneous notion of "life flashing before our eyes", and it flawlessly layers the disorientation of a traumatic situation with the sweeter recesses of memory. Well, I stated as much on the forum, and as I was sifting through the resultant chain of woefully uneducated rebuttals, something donned on me: I had become the very pompous ass I set out to spite, defending genius against the numbing schlock of lazy American pop. But the shoe fits, so here I am. Maybe I should watch THE ENGLISH PATIENT again one of these days...

7) FALLING DOWN

Director: Joel Schumacher
Release Year: 1993

"I don't think she likes the special sauce, Rick." People are a lot like colostomy bags: The more you need 'em, the more full of shit they become. The good ones can help you out of a tight spot, but if you shit on them for too long, they're liable to explode. Now, while I love the smell of napalm in the morning as much as the next guy, for my dollar there is no more satisfying crazy-in-the-jungle rampage than Michael Douglas against the whole of commercial urban civilization in Joel Schumacher's FALLING DOWN. It is an exercise in social commentary and consequence delivered via the only universal fantasy more indulgent than sex: Justice. How many times have you wanted to demand progress from the bureaucracy? Challenge blatantly false advertising or ridiculously high prices? Step up to the Man and over the dregs? Choke bigotry with hatred, hatred with apathy, apathy with ignorance, ignorance with truth? Yet we don't; we suck it up and endure. Restraint is the bitchiest part of common sense. But then, I'm thankful for it. I just happen to be equally thankful for the escapist interlude that is FALLING DOWN.

6) OLDBOY

Director: Chan-wook Park
Release Year: 2003

"I want to eat something alive." The second of three stand-alone films representing Korean director Chan-wook Park's definitive treatise on revenge, OLDBOY knows a thing or two about holding a grudge. It will sit on the shelf of your local video shop, quietly watching you pass it by night after night despite the emphatic recommendation of your friends. It'll smile politely on those evenings when you just aren't in the mood for subtitles. But just because it won't say a word when at last you toss it into a bag alongside FOOLS GOLD, don't delude yourself: OLDBOY hates you. Oh, it'll dance with you for a while. It might even let you choose the music. You'll find the groove, tap some mojo, and bust your move...only to watch this movie kick your ass so hard that your proctologist will need a D.D.S. to assess the damage. OLDBOY is callous, relentless, and already knows the next five moves you're going to make. Too much to handle? Go ahead and live your life in blissful unawares. It will wait. Oh yes...it'll wait.

5) DUNE

Director: David Lynch
Release Year: 1984

"A beginning is a very delicate time." That's right: I took it there. The first of many big-screen adaptations of Frank Herbert's legendary science fiction masterpiece, this controversial film draws a great deal of critical scorn from both diehard Lynch-heads, who view it as caged and pedestrian, as well as contemporary audiences who find the film too...well, David Lynch-y. In reality, DUNE is a fascinating sociological experiment wherein one man's outrageous sense of scale combines with another's overbearing eccentricity to create something wonderful: Balance. Arrakis turns in Lynch's hands, and in return, it keeps him honest. But the messianic influence of this film extends well beyond the confines of our world, as it is quite literally a one-stop encapsulation of fantasy filmmaking. During its modest 137 runtime, DUNE covers more ground than the entire LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy; it plays with deeper philosophical entendre than the whole of THE MATRIX; it stands toe-to-toe with the STAR WARS saga in terms of choice quotables; It has a stellar cast featuring no less than one Cylon, one Replicant, one denizen of Middle Earth, and one bona fide captain of the Starship Enterprise. To watch DUNE is to travel, without moving, to the very center of the universe and taste at long last the spice of life. Damn, it's tasty!

4) ALMOST FAMOUS

Director: Cameron Crowe
Release Year: 2000

"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're un-cool." Screenwriting simply does not get any better than ALMOST FAMOUS. Towering above convention and disingenuousness with an authority that reeks of providence, only Charlie Kaufman's ADAPTATION stands as tall. To say that Cameron Crowe is in his element with this film is a bit unfair, for while it is true that he lives and breathes the undiluted essence of music, his real medium is, and has always been, people. It is not surprising then that, through this largely autobiographical work, Crowe manages to say so much about us all. ALMOST FAMOUS is a golden god.

3) REQUIEM FOR A DREAM

Director: Darren Aronofsky
Release Year: 2000

"But I'm gonna be on television!" To know Darren Aronofsky is to know addiction. It bleeds through his every pore to saturate each frame, from the vaulted heights of his flawless technique to the abysmal depths of his subject matter. With PI, we had to know. Through THE FOUNTAIN, we couldn't let go. But REQUIEM FOR A DREAM brands itself into our memories as Aronofsky's definitive and most sincere work: Addiction to addiction itself. Here he passes hope through a prism of reality to create a dismal array of tragedy. He shines these fractured rays through his characters who, like some antique contraption of lenses and mirrors, struggle in their own way to bend the light back to hopeful, forgiving purity. But somewhere along the way, too much is lost. The desire to make things right becomes a mocking, distorted reflection of the desires which ultimately frayed the beam, revealing the most compelling addiction of all to be a taste of the way things used to be. And like a kid cooking ants with a magnifying glass, Aronofsky finally focuses these fragments into a beauty too intense for our jaded eyes, stunning even as it burns us to the ground. REQUIEM FOR A DREAM is a dangerous drug peddled by the sinister mastermind of obsession himself. Don't watch it unless you can afford to be hooked.

2) IKIRU

Director: Akira Kurosawa
Release Year: 1952

"I can't afford to hate people...I don't have that kind of time." I have seen IKIRU once. Just once, yet it sits comfortably in the 2 slot of the most prestigious ranking system available to me. I say this now so that you will fully appreciate a phenomenon tragically uncommon in this age of enlightenment at twenty-four frames per second: IKIRU will change your life. No gimmicks, no exceptions. I want so badly to paraphrase the profundity of this timid colossus, but to do so is to express grandeur as a function of humility; to relate gravity in scales beyond the supermassive black hole; to fart in an elevator and not laugh. I am a mortal man subject to mortal limitations, and therefore I can do this film no greater service than to let it speak for itself. In turn, you should do yourself the service of letting it speak to you.

1) BRAVEHEART


Director: Mel Gibson
Release Year: 1995

"Well, at least we didn't get all dressed up for nothin'..." A man needs to remember his origins, to protect those things within him which resonate as home. And so I shall tell you of Mike Watne. Historians from Warner Brothers will say I am a liar, but history is written by $$$. Friday, June 9, 1995 - A group of friends and I stand outside the local cineplex torn between the latest summer blockbuster CONGO and an independent epic called BRAVEHEART. A coin was flipped. One-hundred and seventy-seven minutes later, I emerged from the theater with a stupid grin, a bad Scottish accent, and the first crystal-clear idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I often wonder had the coin gone the other way, had I not been exposed to James Horner's score under those ideal circumstances, where my motivations might have taken me. But it is moot; my fascination with film began on that night. And while my path may not be the most orthodox, everything I have done since has been, in one way or another, to position myself to fulfill the vow I made all those years ago: That I would compose the score to at least one feature film. It'll happen, friends. But BRAVEHEART is far more than the poster child for personal bias; it truly is a juggernaut in its own right. It blends history, character, scale, intimacy, comedy, death, love, martyrdom, leprosy, bagpipes, and full-frontal nudity to form the great miracle of modern alchemy. Given this, Mel Gibson could have cured cancer ten times over by now, were he but a little less fixated on the blood of Christ. Maybe someone should tell him that it's only wine...

From the evidence vault: BRAVEHEART left such an impression on me that I still maintain, alongside such critical identification documents as my Birth Certificate, Immunization records, and Passport, my original ticket stub.

And there you have it. Your turn.

Blogging is a strange new beast. It essentially gives anyone and everyone an outlet to "publish" and distribute practically any content imaginable. Blogs can contain photographs, videos, music, propaganda - a dedicated blogger is the ultimate guerilla media superpower. And as is expected in such a vast and unchecked medium, there are as many outlooks and "blog creeds" as there are bloggers. Some of the more popular schools of thought include:

• "It is my blog, and I'll post whatever the fuck I want."
• "The blog is a public forum, and therefore should only contain content and language appropriate for all audiences."
• "Blogging is like a business, my readers are my customers. I should tailor my content to meet their needs, whatever they may be."
• "Blogging is my LIFE!"
• "Whatever. I never take any of it too seriously."
• "Bl0gz r so gh3y!!1! Get an life u stupid idiut! <3<3"

I've recently seen a lot of discussion popping up concerning "appropriate" blog conduct. From the issues raised in Jon S. Bangs' Last Annual Almost Famous blog contest, to Dolly's open discussion about Blog Bulletins, to Robert's A Blog is/is not... list, the matter is very much alive and affects each of us in some way or another. So let's open up the floor and get all of these ideas into the same place:

WSP 06: Blog Conduct - Your Thoughts
I will raise six popular issues in the blogging debate. Please detail your thoughts on each issue below, and feel free to question/discuss others' ideas. The world might just be better for it...

NOTE: I have only one concrete rule here on my blog, and given that it may come into play here, I'll state it up front: Discussion is great; attacks are not. I don't care what language you use, nor the aggressive passion of your argument - so long as it remains focused on an issue. The moment you attack another commenter by slinging character shots or insults: "Game over, man! Game over." Thank you for your concern. Cheers!

6) Blog Promotion: Blogs grow through self promotion, word of mouth, and happenstance. How do you feel about the following?

• Posting Blog Bulletins to inform your friends of a new blog post
• Promoting/linking ("pimping") another person's blog within your own blog
• Posting links to your blog within the comments of another's blog
• Blog invites

5) Quid Pro Quo: If someone subscribes to your blog, do you believe you should also subscribe to theirs? If you subscribe to another's blog, do you feel insulted if they do not subscribe to yours? Do you give comments/kudos based on genuine enjoyment of a post, or do you simply "return the favor"?

4) Blog Involvement/Stats: Are you concerned with the number of views/kudos/subscribers you receive? Which statistics mean more to you? Why? Also, what is your preferred degree of involvement with your readers? How do you feel about "blog skimming"? Should your readers comment, give kudos, or just read in silence? Do you respond to every reader comment, some of them, or none? What are your thoughts on the "most popular blog" lists?

3) Comment Law: Consider the following questions from the perspective of both the receiver and the giver of a comment:

• General: When do you comment on blogs? What makes a good comment?
• Disagreements: How do you feel about dissenting comments? Do you like to see arguments spring up in blogs, or do you find them disrespectful? How do you respond to negative comments (rebuttal, ignore, delete/block, etc)?
• Approval: Is a "You rock!" comment necessary? Do you think it helps validate a good blog effort, or is it better just to drop some kudos and wait until you have something more meaningful to contribute before commenting?
• Content/Tone: Should comments be respectful of the tone of the blog itself (profanity, language, etc)? What constitutes an inappropriate comment?

2) Blog Content: What should you post to your blog? What shouldn't you post? How much consideration do you pay to your audience when composing a post? How do you feel about blog censorship? Self-censorship? To what extent should social responsibility govern bloggers?

1) Overall: Why do you blog? What do you get out of all of this? Also, what is your blogging philosophy? What should all bloggers/readers keep in mind while going about their business in this mad, mad, mad blogverse?

Alright. Your turn.

This week's Six-Pack discussion was recommended by Almighty Ryan. As most of you know, yesterday saw the deadliest mass-shooting in U.S. history at the Virginia Tech campus, leaving 33 people dead. For more information, check out This Article. Naturally, events such as this bring under sharp scrutiny the system that could allow such a thing to happen. Who do we blame? How do we prevent this in the future? Does the system still work, or is it outdated? There is a lot of coulda-woulda-shoulda floating around as our hindsight comes into focus, and it will be very interesting to see what grows out of this atrocity. This week, let's talk about…

WSP 04: School Violence
Now, this is a huge and complicated issue. It is difficult to talk about one aspect without reference to another, so I will structure this WSP a little differently. Rather than isolate a specific issue like "Gun Safety Issues", I will use my six points to identify some of the poignant facets of this discussion. Feel free to expand on any and all points that you wish, and we'll see where this one goes. Cheers!

6) Causal Factors: Why do kids shoot up their schools these days? This is always a fun debate, particularly when you introduce the "What should be done about it?" angle. It still cracks me up to this day when I hear people recall tales of Columbine and bring up the fact that the shooters were Marilyn Manson fans. Citing this taste as an underlying cause of the violence is social ignorance and scapegoatery at its highest. Angry mothers scour websites for lyrics, highlighting specific lines that have obscure references to unsavory deeds and immediately raise the alarm. But to what end? If the scope of the inquisition was just a little wider, it would become apparent that these lyrics very rarely try to inspire violence or hate - they are expressions, releases, recollections, and a general platform for people to come together and relate to one another over an otherwise unspeakable issue. There are exceptions to every rule, but in general: Metal fans do not 'slit their parents throats to fuck the wound', nor do rap fans 'bust caps on da po-po fo shizzle'. I can dig that you don't like the music. I can even appreciate that you disapprove of your kids listening to it. But I take issue with people nailing shit to crosses just because it mocks your intolerance. So if not music, what else could drive our kids to kill? Let's consider video games. Some of the most popular games in history are vicious and highly realistic first-person gun combat games. They teach us the terminology, give us the skills, and fuel our egos until we are convinced that we are invincible badasses. They also teach us that violence is ok, wounds are temporary, and guns are cool, right? Or are they just games that we play to boost our hand-eye coordination and quick-thinking skills made popular because friends can compete and converse in a medium more exciting than chess and more accessible than sports? So then the question becomes: Ok, the games have good intentions, but why all the realistic violence? Because we like it - all of us. The games are an extension of our popular culture, which is fueled by glorified horrific violence and puritanical views on sex. We are taught that excitement lies in explosions, so naturally the games are full of 'em. Next we must back-pedal to television and cinema, and examine the judgment of organizations such as the MPAA, who allegedly safeguard our viewing morality. Is it their fault? One of the key points made is that children are impressionable - that violence and strong language affects them more potently. Rating systems are designed to prevent children from seeing this content. So if it doesn't work - and clearly it seems not to - do we point our fingers at the content itself or the rating system? And what of the parents' role in all of this; aren't they ultimately responsible? My personal belief is this: Parenting is the critical factor. I believe that the tendency to shield children from the world through censorship and blocked channels is at least as dangerous as parental neglect. In fact, censorship IS parental neglect! The world is what it is, and it takes a society to change it. Failure to educate your children about the ways of that world inflicts upon them naivety. They will see everything eventually, and they will be curious. If you place trust in the padded cell, you also place trust in the unknown source who will give them the answers when you're not there to hear the questions. Give the kids some credit, because they'll take it from wherever they can get it. Show them the world and equip them with the tools to make wise decisions, and something amazing happens: They make wise decisions!

5) The Fallout: What happens in the wake of the Virginia Tech massacre? It is a simple question, but it has a layered scope. Here we have a specific incident with specific participants. Mistakes were made, and faces can be linked to those mistakes. So who do we hold responsible, and how big is our pound of flesh? Clearly, we have the shooter, Cho Seung-hui. But he swallowed a bullet, thereby depriving us of our frenzied need for retribution. To whom do we turn? There is the president of the university, Charles Steger. He sent out cautionary emails to the student body after the first wave of shootings, but it was too little and way too late. Shouldn't he have done more? Perhaps we can string him up and put this issue behind us. Oh, and let us not forget the police chief, Wendell Flinchum, who showed up to investigate a double homicide at a college campus but did not order an immediate lockdown because it was a "domestic" issue. Weren't his by-the-book assumptions and procedures a major factor in the second wave of shootings? Maybe his head on a pike will calm us all down. We have a specific situation with specific names: 33 dead at Virginia Tech at the hands of Cho Seung-hui as empowered by the negligence of President Charles Steger and Police Chief Wendell Flinchum. So now we face the real question: Do we wave our torches and pitchforks and demand the quick-&-dirty lynching that allows us to sleep easy in the knowledge that the bad people paid the price, or do we all accept responsibility and move forward with our eyes on the issue? I mean, face it: Both the president and the chief addressed the situation with precisely the same degree of urgency and due professionalism that ANYONE else would have. People will huff and puff and say "I would have done things differently", but that is just hindsight idealism speaking. There was no reason to expect a double homicide involving an ex-girlfriend to explode into a full-on slaughterfest. Yes, it happened, but it wasn't the fault of these two guys. Preventative action could have perhaps been taken, but who could have foreseen this? If we lock down a university after every single homicide, it would be a costly monthly occurrence throughout the country, and would prove to be excessive paranoia 99% of the time. These guys did what they thought was right - the same thing anyone else in their position would have thought was right - and under normal circumstances it would have been. So do we punish them for being normal members of our society? As a people, what should our pound of flesh be?

4) Campus Security Measures: Metal detectors at all entrances, armed security staff, mandatory lockdown drills, uniforms - these are just a handful of the security measures being implemented at various schools in response to student violence. Which ones work? Which ones justify the costs? What else should we do? The Virginia Tech shootings have stirred up a lot of talk about systems that should have been in place including: Campus-wide intercom and telephone relay systems to be able to alert the entire school of trouble, keycard access to campus buildings issued only to students registered in classes within a specific building, and increased security staff. But what's to say they would weed out the bad seeds - students who'd likely have keycards and a friendly wave for the campus cops? Metal detectors would catch a lot of guns. They'd also catch a lot of boots and belts, making screening a full-time job at every entrance. Plus, the really determined kids are bright enough to find detector-proof weapons anyway. Strip searches would be better. Or would they? You'd get the weapons, but it would cost a ton to hire and train the screeners and deal with the inevitable harassment lawsuits. Plus, we'd be breeding a sense of paranoia and fear into our students - not to mention criminal masterminds as the aspiring seek their ways around bigger hurdles. So why not keep it simple and require lockdowns at every hint of foul play? Because it is a huge disruption that proves unnecessary almost every time, and would make for some legendary pranks. Do you call the lockdown at the discovery of a gun or wait until it is wielded? Do we lockdown only for guns, or shut out knives and fistfights as well? And when is it safe to play again? The police chief at Virginia Tech chose not to call a lockdown because he assumed the criminal fled. Two hours later, more killings happened. Would a lockdown have stopped it? Two hours is an awful long time to be hunched beneath your desk, and the sad thing is that it wouldn't have been enough. How long do you wait to declare "all clear"? The only way to be sure the danger is passed is to catch the criminal, and there is no way to prove such in an expedient fashion. If the shooter did flee, he could elude police indefinitely. There is a ton of variables, and no matter how you stack the dice, the result is the same: It is always too much precaution, except for the one horrible time. So how do you prevent the exception to the rule? That's the real question.

3) Gun Control: We have a constitutional right to bear arms in this country. It was written into our fundamental rights so that no government, including our own, could ever rise to oppress the people again. Contrary to popular opinion, it has nothing to do with self-defense, big-game hunting, or decorating big trucks. A great many regulations have formed over the years requiring background checks, gun safety classes, registration, and other safeguards. But guns in authorized hands still manage to do a lot of harm. Do we need more regulation to further weed out the bad guys? And what of all the guns that, time and again, find their ways around the red tape into illegal hands? Guns are an icon of American media, and as long as they are portrayed as tools of empowerment and high style, people will lust after them. Guns will continue to play a large role in this world, period. Any policy built on a gun-less society is both wishful and myopic. So for a policy to work, it must address the following facts: (1) Guns exist, (2) People want guns, and (3) People will get them. I do not believe that guns should be outlawed or declared unconstitutional. The right to bear arms is extremely important if ever we find ourselves in a position foreseen by our forefathers. However, education is MANDATORY! And one of the first lessons should be a clear explanation of why we have the right to own guns in the first place. It isn't to ward off burglars any more than it is a license to become one. My dad enrolled me into a gun safety class when I turned age eleven. It instilled within me a tremendous respect for guns, as well as practical knowledge on how to handle one. I am willing to bet that if we made such a course part of public junior-high curriculums, the number of gun-related accidents would decline sharply. I also think it would reduce gun-related violence, because it would strip much of the novelty from gun knowledge, level the power field somewhat, and provide a basis of gun respect that most children never encounter. Sure, it won't solve every problem, but I am a firm believer in exposure and education.

2) Other Alternatives: We could ramp up our preventative measures and regulatory fail-safes as outlined above, and it would probably have an impact. But it would also make going to school an experience not unlike martial law. Perhaps there are other things we could do to realign the way we address the issue. School violence in nearly every other country is practically unheard of, and their students are unburdened by armed guards and chickenwire. What do they do differently? Perhaps it is linked to our violent media and Marilyn Manson, but perhaps not. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Americans work harder and longer hours on average than every other nation in the world, and as such, we just don't have the time to give our kids the parental attention they require. We trust our blocked channels and ratings, and let TV fill in the blanks when careers complicate our good intentions. Is the value we place on productivity and individual success undermining our society at the family level? We laugh when we hear that French workers have a 4-day work week and get 5 weeks of paid vacation every year; we snicker at their "laziness". But they are home with their families, guiding their children to be equally "lazy". And statistically, they whoop our ass in terms of low crime and violence! So perhaps there are much better ways to address this school violence issue than to examine it at the school level. Perhaps increasing security at schools is little more than stuffing our finger into the proverbial dike, a temporary solution to a much broader problem. We hail from the most violent society history has ever seen. Maybe it is time we asked ourselves: Why?

1) The Bigger Picture: I brought up a lot of shit! But there is still a great deal more to consider. What issues am I missing? What else should we consider? I expect that, given children are our most valuable asset, there are some very strong opinions out there on these issues. I'd love to hear them!

Alright, your turn.

I have received a lot of inquiries about all of the fancy formatting stuff I do in my blogs, and it is time to spread the love. So, in the interest of promoting a much more blogalicious 2007, I put together this little collection of "HTML for Bloggers" that I hope you may find useful when drafting your own sexy posts into the new year.

I don't expect anyone to read all of this at once, as there is quite a bit here. Simply remember that it is here and return whenever you want to add a few new flourishes to your bag of tricks. Enjoy!

The first step in sexifying your blog is to take advantage of the features myspace makes readily available to you in the form of the "Customize my blog" link on your blog home page. This will let you set the background, text/comment field colors, headlines, and a host of other goodies that will quickly have your blog aesthetically reflecting your tastes without any additional HTML coaxing. But, if you want to get into some fancier stuff, read on.

When composing HTML blogs (or any long blog, for that matter), a very good habit to develop is to do all of your composition in an external word processor like MS Word. Myspace is notorious for making large passages disappear while posting, so always cover your ass. You'll need to disable the auto-correct features in Word, so that myspace doesn't delete all of your punctuation and such...but then you're good to go. At that point, it is just a matter of Copy & Paste to get your blog posted without fear of consumption or annihilation.

Important: Any time you post a blog with HTML in it, be sure to put the check in the "View Code Source" box directly under the main text field before you start typing. Otherwise, myspace will ignore the HTML and post it as text instead. That's all you need to know to start HTML blogging (aside from the actual HTML code, of course).

Ægir's Guide to HTML for Bloggers

Lesson 1: The Basics:
Note: HTML uses the little carrot brackets found on the keyboard by pressing ['SHIFT' + ','] and ['SHIFT' + '.']. I cannot post these brackets into the tutorial without myspace acting on the HTML, so I substitute them for "[" and "]" in my examples. When composing HTML, use the carrot brackets and not the "[ ]" brackets.

HTML is pretty simple, once you get to know some fundamentals. HTML commands are called "Tags", and almost every tag functions the same way. They begin like so: [tag], and end like so: [/tag]. Whatever falls between the beginning and end tags will be formatted according to the tag used. Here are some common HTML tags:

• [p]: Paragraph. This is the most common tag, and will supersede any other formatting tags. Anything typed between [p] and [/p] will be grouped into a paragraph with a large double-space between it and the next entity.
• [br]: Break. This begins a new line, much like pressing [enter] on a word processor. Unlike [p], [br] moves to the immediate next line, without creating a double-space. Note: [br] is one of the few HTML tags that does not require a close tag (that is, you'll never need to type [/br])
• [b]: Bold. Anything between the [b] and the [/b] will be bold.
• [i]: Italics. Works just like bold.
• [u]: Underline. Works just like bold.
• [big]: Big. Increases the font size of the text between tags by roughly 2pt.

Example: Lesson 1

This is a full paragraph, complete with bold, italicized, and underlined words.

In this paragraph, we'll spice things up in a Really big way by splitting up the action with a break tag:
This text is immediately below the above line, without the big space. Notice that there is no [/br] anywhere in this code.- End Example 1

So, how does it work? Here's the exact code for the example above:

[p][b][u]Example: Lesson 1[/u][/b][br]
[p]This is a full paragraph, complete with [b]bold[/b], [i]italicized[/i], and [u]underlined[/u] words.[/p]
[p]In this paragraph, we'll spice things up in a [big]Really big[/big] way by splitting up the action with a break tag:[br]
This text is immediately below the above line, without the big space. Notice that there is no [/br] anywhere in this code.[/p]

Rock on. Ready to move on to more exciting stuff? Me too.

Lesson 2: Lists
There are two types of lists in HTML: Ordered lists and unordered lists. Ordered lists are numerical, sequential lists while unordered lists are classic bullet-style lists. The basic list tags are as follows:

• [ol]: Ordered List. Begins an ordered list.
• [ul]: Unordered List. Begins an unordered list.
• [li]: List Item. Creates a new list line. Each [li] creates the next "number" or "bullet" in the list.

Example: Lesson 2
Here is an ordered list:

1. Put your right foot in
2. Put your right foot out
3. Put your right foot back in
4. Shake it all about
5. Do the Hokey Pokey
6. Turn yourself around

A few Movies Ægir wants you to see

• Oldboy
• Stay
• Adaptation
• Bubba Ho-tep
• Serenity
• Dragonhead

Now, here's the actual code used above:

[p][b][u]Example: Lesson 2[/u][/b][br]
Here is an ordered list:
[ol][li]Put your right foot in[/li]
[li]Put your right foot out[/li]
[li]Put your right foot back in[/li]
[li]Shake it all about[/li]
[li]Do the Hokey Pokey[/li]
[li]Turn yourself around[/li][/ol]
That's what an ordered list is all about. Let's try an unordered list:[/p]
[p][u]A few Movies Ægir wants you to see[/u][br]
[ul][li]Oldboy[/li]
[li]Stay[/li]
[li]Adaptation[/li]
[li]Bubba Ho-tep[/li]
[li]Serenity[/li]
[li]Dragonhead[/li][/ul]
Got it?[/p]

Lesson 3: Pictures
Inserting pictures into your blogs is pretty simple, but it does introduce us to the next dimension of HTML tags: Attributes. The first group of characters between the [] is the tag, which determines the type of formatting. Many tags can be expanded or refined through the use of attributes - little "subtags" that occupy the same []. All attributes work the same way, they look like this: attributename="value". I'll give you a list of common attributes, and then we'll see how it works.

• src: Source. Establishes the location (URL) of content to be imported into the tag.
• border: Border. Uses numerical values from 0 up. The larger the number, the larger the border around the tag object. The default value is "0" if left blank.
• height: Height. Redefines the size, in pixels, of the height dimension of the tag object. The default value, if left blank, is the actual size of the tag object.
• width: Width. Works like height, but for the width dimension.

The picture tag is [img], meaning "image". But to make a picture appear, you must first specify a URL within the tag so that the blog knows where to find the image. Therefore, the basic picture tag must incorporate the src attribute, like so: [img src="wherever"]. The src attribute is required to display photos, but there are many other optional attributes as well. With only the src attribute, the photo will appear at the full size and default appearance of the actual picture as it was uploaded. If you want to manipulate the way it appears (resizing and whatnot), attributes can be added to your heart's content, like so: [img src="wherever" height="number" width="number" alt="custom message" border="number"]. The options are limitless. Let's do a few photos to put everything into perspective.

Example: Lesson 3
This is a photoblog shot I never got around to posting, called "Fog at Cape Flattery". Here's what we get if I do a simple tag job:

Now, let's play with some attributes:

- End Example 3

Let's take a peek at the real code used above, so you can see how everything was put into action:

[p][b][u]Example: Lesson 3[/b][/u][br]
This is a photoblog shot I never got around to posting, called "Fog at Cape Flattery". Here's what we get if I do a simple tag job:[/p]
[p][img src="http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f139/thegreybetween/FogatCapeFlattery.jpg" border="0"][/p]
[p]Now, let's play with some attributes:[/p]
[p][img src="http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f139/thegreybetween/FogatCapeFlattery.jpg" border="4" height="120" width="180"][/p]

A few notes on pictures

• Note that, like [br], the [img] tag does not require a close tag (there is no [/img]).
• The URL of any picture can be found simply by right-clicking on the picture and looking at the "properties" for the "location". Simply copy/paste the URL into your tag, and bingo!
• A picture must be on the web somewhere to work. Even though pictures on your hard drive will have a URL, the pictures will not actually appear because the web server cannot access the pictures from a local location. You must get your pics uploaded to the web first. There are some excellent, FREE sites that will privately, safely host a ton of pics for you, so set up an account with one of these. My personal favorite is photobucket.com. Photobucket is great, because they compose all the code for you…all you gotta do is click a few times.
• Even though you can import a photo from anywhere on the web, you should avoid using pictures that someone else is hosting. It can really bog down their website, and may disappear randomly beyond your control. As a rule, I always copy cool pics I find, and upload them to my own photobucket account before I tag them. Common courtesy goes a long way sometimes.
• I usually use simple image tags. That is, I rarely specify the size in the tag. To get the most out of this strategy, your photos must be sized for the web prior to uploading. For my photos, I default to a "Web Large" size, or 640x480 pixels. I've found that it is the perfect size for a large photo that will not screw up the normal display size of myspace blogs.

Lesson 4: Links
Links are great. They allow you to pimp out your friends, redirect the coolness, and otherwise connect your world together. They are also a little easier than you may fear. Let the linking begin! The link tag is [a], which means "anchor". It is a multi-purpose tag that does a ton of stuff, but for our purposes just remember it is the link tag. Like [img], the [a] tag requires some attributes to work. Here they are:

• href: Hyper-reference: This is just like the src attribute for pictures. This is the URL of the webpage to which the link will send us.
• target: Target. This attribute is used to establish how the link opens. If left blank, the link will spawn in the current window. The target attribute is commonly used to make links open in a new window - a little bit of user-friendliness that prevents a lot of "back" button annoyances. The target code for a new window is always the same: target="_blank".
• alt: Alternate. Allows you to create a text message that will be displayed when the cursor is hovered above the tag object.

A link code looks like this:
[a href="wherever"]text to be displayed[/a].

Alternatively, a link that spawns in a new window looks like this:
[a href="wherever" target="_blank"]text to be displayed[/a]

You can also take things up a notch to use pictures as links. It seems nasty at first, but just think of it as a simple combination of lessons 3 & 4. Here's the basic code:
[a href="wherever" target="_blank"][img src="wherever" height="number" width="number"][/a]

Basically, the only difference is that instead of displaying text for the link, we pop in an image tag and a picture becomes the clickable link. Pretty cool! Let's do some examples.

Example: Lesson 4
For links, I'm going to use my friend Jenny because she's cool and her blog is something everyone should enjoy. Here are three ways to find her:

In a basic link: Jenny's Page
In a convenient new-window link: Jenny again
And as a picture link, complete with an "alt" hover text message:

- End Example 4

As always, here is the real code:

[p][b][u]Example: Lesson 4[/u][/b][br]
For links, I'm going to use my friend Jenny because she's cool and her blog is something everyone should enjoy. Here are three ways to find her:[/p]
[p]In a basic link: [a href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=16179396&MyToken=c1fc85a1-e6dc-41ee-8b79-f371b7af4757"]Jenny's Page[/a][br]
In a convenient new-window link: [a href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=16179396&MyToken=c1fc85a1-e6dc-41ee-8b79-f371b7af4757" target="_blank"]Jenny again[/a][br]
And as a picture link, complete with an "alt" hover text message:[br]
[a href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=16179396&MyToken=c1fc85a1-e6dc-41ee-8b79-f371b7af4757" target="_blank"][img src="http://myspace-482.vo.llnwd.net/01401/28/43/1401803482_l.jpg" height="120" width="90" alt="Meet Jenny"][/a][/p]

Lesson 5: Colors
Colors are a lot o' fun. Without them, there would be no nasty ochre rebuttals, no spoiler alley, and no real reason to watch THE WIZARD OF OZ. Adding color to your blogs is a little tricky, but can be easily integrated into your bag of tricks with a little practice. Colors derive from a new attribute called "style". The style attribute can be inserted into practically any tag, and has a ton of variables that it can manipulate. For our purposes, we will just look at the color variable…but know that there is much fun to be had with a deeper look into the style attribute.

Very simply, the style attribute works like this:
[tag style="variable: #value;"]Whatever[/tag]

Now, for colors, the first step is to become familiar with the values of the colors as recognized by HTML. Below is a typical "hex" color chart, wherein every shade is identified by a unique 6-digit value. These values are what you need to know to play with colors in your blogs.

Here are a few personal highlights:

• White = ffffff
• Black = 000000
• Nasty Ochre = ffcc00
• Ægir's Background/Spoiler Alley = 666666
• Ægirlink Green = 00ff00

So, let's examine a typical color alteration, using the [b] "bold" tag:
[b style="color: #value;"]text to be bold[/b]

That's it. However, there is an important hierarchal rule to keep in mind: The [p] tag is the big boss in any paragraph. You can change the color of a paragraph to determine the color of regular text throughout the entire paragraph, but you cannot change the color of regular text within the paragraph. Instead, you must use another formatting tag, like [b] or [i] to get other colors within a paragraph. Let's do some color examples to make everything more clear.

Example: Lesson 5

1) This is a normal paragraph. The text color is determined by the myspace defaults you established in your "customize my blog" link.

2) This is a normal paragraph with a big ochre highlight in it. I can still use regular-colored bolds within the same paragraph, as well as other-colored bolds. The same holds true for any of the formatting tags, like italicized words and underlined words. The global color for the paragraph is unchanged.

3) This is an example of a globally colored paragraph. The style attribute is within the actual [p] tag. All text, bold, italicized, or otherwise will default to the new color. These can be individually changed with their own style attributes like this, but the regular text color will remain unchanged until the next paragraph. If you want to revert to the general blog text color within this paragraph, you'll need to know its color code, and can only use within a formatting tag like this italicized white text. Note that the next paragraph will default to white without a new style attribute.

4) To do a spoiler alley, you need to know your background color. Knowing that my background color is #666666, I format my spoiler alley bits like this: The magic of invisible text allows you to type all sorts of stuff without fear of exposing the unwilling to your ravings. It can easily be seen via highlighting, but that extra step on the reader's part is all the peace of mind you need to toss up spoilers and other wicked prose. See. That's not so bad, is it? - End Example 5

And here's your code:

[p][b][u]Example: Lesson 5[/u][/b][br]
[p]1) This is a normal paragraph. The text color is determined by the myspace defaults you established in your "customize my blog" link.[/p]
[p]2) This is a normal paragraph with a [b style="color: #ffcc00;"]big ochre highlight[/b] in it. I can still use [b]regular-colored bolds[/b] within the same paragraph, as well as [b style="color: #00ff00;"]other-colored bolds[/b]. The same holds true for any of the formatting tags, like [i style="color: #00ffff;"]italicized words[/i] and [u style="color: #ff0000;"]underlined words[/u]. The global color for the paragraph is unchanged.[/p]
[p style="color: #ffcc00;"]3) This is an example of a globally colored paragraph. The style attribute is within the actual [p] tag. All text, [b]bold[/b], [i]italicized[/i], or otherwise will default to the new color. These can be individually changed with their own style attributes [b style="color: #00ffff;"]like this[/b], but the regular text color will remain unchanged until the next paragraph. If you want to revert to the general blog text color within this paragraph, you'll need to know its color code, and can only use within a formatting tag [i style="color: #ffffff;"]like this italicized white text.[/i] Note that the next paragraph will default to white without a new style attribute.[/p]
[p]4) To do a spoiler alley, you need to know your background color. Knowing that my background color is #666666, I format my spoiler alley bits like this: [i style="color: #666666;"]The magic of invisible text allows you to type all sorts of stuff without fear of exposing the unwilling to your ravings. It can easily be seen via highlighting, but that extra step on the reader's part is all the peace of mind you need to toss up spoilers and other wicked prose.[/i] See. That's not so bad, is it?[/p]

Lesson 6: Independent Study
HTML is semi-addicting once you realize how simple it is for you to come off like a web-designing badass. You'll want to start spicing up all sorts of stuff, and soon your reviews will be as crazy-looking as mine. This blog, however, is too long as it is. There are all sorts of cool HTML techniques that you can develop, like tables and other unique formatting devices. Being the swell guy that I am, I will point you in the right direction to take over the world on your own:

The Best HTML Tutorial Site You'll Ever Find

Check out the above link. There are simple lessons, tons of examples, and interactive HTML fields that allow you to try out your new skills so you can work out all of the kinks before you go live with it. For the really ambitious, there are also java, DOM, and other advanced web code tutorials as well (Note: Myspace does not allow java code, so don't waste your time if this is your only outlet). Good stuff!

So now you know the secrets to blogging with sex appeal. I really hope that this collection proves useful to you, and that 2007 is filled with enough personalized HTML blogs to make me feel a little less like that geek in the corner with the flashy page but no life to speak of. As always, feel free to hit me up with questions or discussions as you cross over to the "dork side". Glad to have you aboard. Cheers!