A member of my immediate family suddenly died today, and we have cancelled our appearances at tonights show in Bath and tomorrow's show in Coventry.

Right now I plan to continue the tour from Sunday onwards as it would have been the wish of the deceased for me to do so.

No queries or messages of condolence please, unless it is a private message, and from a close personal friend of mine.  Please respect this request.

Dan x

Tour begins today!!  I haven't been to bed yet but I'm going to hit the hay shortly, and get a good 9 hours in before we head off to Cardiff, the first time we have actually rented a van, and hit the road with another band for (almost) every show!

Once again, the tour calls at :

5th : Cardiff Buffalo Bar
6th : Bath Moles
7th : Coventry Taylor John's House (afternoon show - on at 3:40pm)
8th : Camden The Flowerpot
9th : Portsmouth Cellars
10th : Brighton Hobgoblin
11th : Southampton Hamptons
12th : Bristol Start The Bus
13th : Newport Le Pub
14th : Oxford The Cellar
15th : Reading Oakford Social Club

All shows are with The Muscle Club, except Coventry and Reading, and all shows are headlined by either us or The Muscle Club, apart from Coventry which is an all dayer, Bath which is headlined by Cold Cave who are an American electro band (gonna be a bit odd that one!), and Reading which is headlined by Violet Violet - a band whose drummer once screamed "AMERICAN HI-FI!!!" at me at a show we did in Norwich, quite unexpectedly.

I highly recommend the show at The Flowerpot in Camden, which is a free entry show, from 6:00pm to 10:30pm, featuring a brilliant bill I have myself curated - Us, The Muscle Club, Stagecoach, Lola And The Clic, and Eelectricity and Lust (their debut gig!).

I'm also putting on the Brighton show which is also free (though we are heavily suggesting a £2 donation to cover tour expenses) with the totally rocking Everyone To The Anderson, and the splendidly spooky Spacenoid.

Lets hope we make it round in one piece eh?  I've got a Blue Roses gig to get back for on the 16th!

In other news, we have received some awesome coverage in Rock Sound magazine this month, which I believe came out today.

Not only are we the top band in editor Darren Taylor's 'Decks Of Death' (hehe!), there is also a little feature on us, with spliced bits of an interview I did, and 'Forever On The Edge' is featured on the covermount CD.

The main news though is that they awarded 'Empty, Derivative Pop Songs' a grand score of 8/10, and a nice write up.  Hopefully the first of a string of good reports!

To read all this, go and buy a copy, or if you can't wait to see what they wrote, there are cuttings of the article hosted here : http://smalltownamericarecords.blogspot.com/2009/11/4-or-5-magicians-let-our-enemies-beware.html at the smalltown america blog.

See you on tour,

Dan xx

Feels weird but we finally almost have an album coming out!

Thing is, due to various things happening behind the scenes that are totally out of the hands of the band, the album actually won't be available anywhere in physical form on its day of release.  Ho hum!

Here are details of why :

- I think I have already mentioned this, but the label and distributor decided it would be best to delay the physical release to shops for a week due to heavy competition with other releases on the 26th or something or other.  So the album will not be available in shops until next Monday, 2nd November.  You can of course head down to your local HMV / Dave's Records or whatever and persuade them to stock it / order it in for you though!

- Due to a lethal mix of the postal strike, and a slight delay at the manufacturing plant, as far as I am aware, pre-orders will not be dropping on to your doormats tomorrow.  Big apologies to anyone who has pre-ordered and was looking forward to it, but like I say, this is totally out of the hands of the band, and is a completely unforeseen situation.  They will almost certainly be with you within a couple of days of release though, and I assume you will also be receiving a copy of the rather hilarious (but rather rocking) Live In Bristol bonus CD, if you were in the first 25 pre-orders, so you have that little exclusive gem to look forward to!

As far as I am aware, the album will still be available digitally tomorrow from all the usual outlets of where you'd find stuff like this.

Also anyone coming down to our album launch show on Tuesday can buy a copy direct from us !!

Here are details of the launch party :

We are playing at the rather wonderful White Heat club night, which is at Madame JoJos, on Brewer Street in the heart of Soho.  The venue is a short walk from either Picadilly Circus, Oxford Circus, or Tottenham Court Road tube stations.

We have positioned ourselves in the middle of two awesome bands - Japandroids from Vancouver, Canada - www.myspace.com/japandroids - and our friends William - www.mysace.com/williamtheband

Advance tickets are sold out (thanks to those who have purchased in advance!), but I have been informed by the guy in charge, Mr. Matty, that there will be 50 tickets on the door.  So if you want to come, then get down for, or ideally BEFORE doors open at 8pm to ensure you get in.  We will be on at 9:00ish I reckon.  It is £7 on the door I think, and this entitles you to stay on at the mega-incredible club night after until 3:00am, and you get to see three top quality super bands!

Thanks to everyone who has supported us in any way to this point, I hope you all enjoy the album (when you get hold of it!!).

Dan x

Yep, you can download our track Nice Little Earner for free as of today!

It is currently available from ...

Music Glue : https://fan.musicglue.com/sale/promoproducts.aspx?productid=6cac5886-f60c-4cbe-844d-b0c319f998bb

and...

Band Camp : http://4or5magicians.bandcamp.com/track/nice-little-earner

It is also available on a massively limited CD (only 50 copies) with an exclusive b-side not available anywhere else - an alternate take of album track Out Of My Hands.  This will only be available from us at shows for the sum of £1.50, so if you want one, you better come and see us play!

And here is the video we shot in a couple of warm afternoons in Brighton a couple of months back ...



Talking of Brighton, anyone in our lovely city can come to our single launch tonight, Monday 12th October at Hectors House.  Again it is free entry and we are joined by our friends Man Ray Sky, Stagecoach, and Duke Raoul.  Opens at 7:30pm, starts at 8:00pm, we are on about 10:00pm, or shortly after.  Yes!

Also remember you can pre-order our album at www.smalltownamerica.co.uk and receive a Live in Bristol bonus CD if you are one of the first 25.  I know for a fact a few have already been pre-ordered as I have received a number of messages telling me (thanks to those of you that have contacted me!).  So you better hurry up if you want the bonus CD!

Get downloading, and if you're in Brighton, see you later!

Dan x

OK here's an update on some stuff!

ALBUM PRE-ORDER !!

Firstly you can now pre-order our debut album 'Empty, Derivative Pop Songs' from the Smalltown America website by going to www.smalltownamerica.co.uk , finding it, and ordering it (couldn't get the cocking direct link to work - myspace BASTARDS!).  Apologies for the wonky page, apparently this is an inavoidable coding thing to do with the site due to the length of the album title or something....

The first 25 pre-orders will receive a free 'Live In Bristol' CD, of a 9 song set we recorded at The Croft in February.  It's a pretty raucous, drunk performance, but me and my main man (and album keyboard maestro) Mike Lord have mixed it really loud so it blasts outta yo speakers.  So yeah, super-fun, and super-limited - get ordering!

As an additional point, if you pre-order, you will definitely receive the album by the release date of October 26th, and may well receive the album before October 26th if the stock arrives early.  Also please note the album will now not be available in most shops until November 2nd.

TOUR WITH THE MUSCLE CLUB 5th to 14th NOVEMBER !!

I have just today confirmed the final show to complete our ten date tour with our buddies The Muscle Club in November.  Here are the dates :

Thursday 5th - CARDIFF Buffalo Bar
Friday 6th - KIDDERMINSTER Tap House
Saturday 7th - NORTHAMPTON Roadmender (venue TBC)
Sunday 8th - LONDON Flowerpot
Monday 9th - PORTSMOUTH Cellars
Tuesday 10th - BRIGHTON Hobgoblin
Wednesday 11th - SOUTHAMPTON Hamptons
Thursday 12th - BRISTOL Start The Bus
Friday 13th -  NEWPORT OTT
Saturday 14th - OXFORD Vacuous Pop @ The Cellar

It's a co-headline, some dates we will be on last, some dates The Muscle Club will be on last, and on a couple of dates there is a seperate headliner.  More info as I have it!

TOUR OF THE NORTH 25th NOVEMBER to 4th DECEMBER !!

I am now focusing on booking some shows in the north of England (and perhaps Scotland) on the above dates.  So if anyone out there wants to book us, or knows anyone that might want to book us, or if you are a band that would like to play with us, or simply a person that would like us to visit your town, then please get in touch!  We have a vague route planned, a couple of TBCs, and a show confirmed in Leicester for December 3rd, but apart from that we have a pretty open schedule.  Please get in touch if you want to put us on!

I'm sure there was some other stuff but I'll do another blog / bulletin as I remember it. 

Dan x

As previously reported in a kind of "this is what's probably happening" way, we are finally releasing an album this October.  I am now delighted to be able to give full confirmed details of the release.

The album is titled 'Empty, Derivative Pop Songs' and will be released on Monday October 26th on Smalltown America Records.  This is what the front cover looks like :



The final tracklisting (different to previously reported) is :

1. I'm In The Band
2. Forever On The Edge
3. Behind Each Others Backs
4. Out Of My Hands
5. Form An Orderly Queue
6. Your Fictitious Character
7. Is This Your Ideal Man?
8. Nice Little Earner
9. Change The Record
10. Oh! Darwin
11. Preaching To The Conversed

The album was recorded at various points through 2008 and 2009 with Ian Button (of Death In Vegas) in a cheapo rehearsal room on his laptop, with a few clever mics, and a few not so clever mics.  Ian is a legend for making this sound good, I'm still not sure how he did it.

A single will precede the album by two weeks.  Nice Little Earner will be a free digital download only (and perhaps a run of 100 unique CDs, I haven't decided yet!).  This is the cover art for that :



Thanks to my old mate Matt Smith for making the ideas in my head into actual tangible artwork!

We will be touring like madmen in support of the single and album.  The launch parties are as follows :

Monday 12th October
Nice Little Earner single launch
HECTORS HOUSE, Brighton
4 or 5 Magicians
Stagecoach
+ 2 more TBC
7:30 to 11:00pm
FREE ENTRY!

Tuesday 27th October
Empty, Derivative Pop Songs album launch
WHITE HEAT @ MADAME JOJOS, London
Japandroids
4 or 5 Magicians
William
8:00 to 11:00pm with club til 3am
£6 advance
http://www.ticketweb.co.uk/user/?region=gb_london&query=detail&event=334943

We are also currently booking shows in (roughly) the following regions on the following dates :

13th to 17th October : SOUTH-EAST and OUTER LONDON

28th October to 1st November : SOUTH COAST

4th to 8th November : SOUTH-WEST and SOUTH WALES

11th to 14th November : LOWER MIDLANDS / EAST / OUTER LONDON

18th to 22nd November : LOWER MIDLANDS / EAST / OUTER LONDON

25th November to 5th December : NORTH / SCOTLAND / MIDLANDS

We have a fair few dates already booked, but if you'd like to book us, then please get in touch through myspace, or at fourorfivemagicians[at]hotmail[dot]co[dot]uk

Think that's all for now.  Don't write your end of year lists just yet!

Dan x

So I hijacked the STA blogcast - http://smalltownamericarecords.blogspot.com/ - in advance of this weekend's Our Band Could BBQ Your Life weekender.

Unfortunately I didn't have enough time to play something by evey band playing or being played, but there is 39 minutes of solid rock action there, featuring songs by Wonderswan, The Muscle Club, Everyone To The Anderson, Ice Sea Dead People, Winnebago Deal, 4 or 5 Magicians, Black Flag, Minutemen, The Replacements, and Dinosaur Jr.

On top of the songs, me, Sam, and Graham talk about the bands, various towns and cities, and what our favourite songs are.  Well, sort of.  Have a listen!

Just a reminder of the info for this coming weekend!

-------------------------------------------------

OUR BAND COULD BBQ YOUR LIFE
@ THE WINDMILL, BRIXTON
Saturday 8th and Sunday 9th August 2009

A two-day weekend spectacular featuring the cream of British alternative talent taking on all 13 bands profiled in Michael Azzerad's much lauded American underground rock biography 'Our Band Could Be Your Life'.

SATURDAY 8th AUGUST :

WINNEBAGO DEAL as BLACK FLAG - 10:50 to 11:30pm
www.myspace.com/winnebagodeal
4 or 5 MAGICIANS as THE REPLACEMENTS - 9:55 to 10:35pm
www.myspace.com/4or5magicians
WONDERSWAN as MUDHONEY - 9:10 to 9:40pm
www.myspace.com/wonderswanband
INTERNET FOREVER as BEAT HAPPENING - 8:25 to 8:55pm
www.myspace.com/internetforever
NOT COOL as MINUTEMEN - 7:40 to 8:10pm
www.myspace.com/notcoolisaband
DUTCH HUSBAND as SONIC YOUTH - 6:55 to 7:25pm
www.myspace.com/dutchhusband1
THE JELAS as MISSION OF BURMA - 6:10pm to 6:40pm
www.myspace.com/thejelas
DAN ORMSBY as PAUL WESTERBERG - 5:45 to 6:05pm
www.myspace.com/danormsby

Saturday Doors 5:00pm. FREE BBQ at 5:30pm. Bands 5:45pm to 11:30pm. Late night alternative disco after 'til late!

SUNDAY 9th August :

The XCERTS as HUSKER DU - 10:00 to 10:40pm
www.myspace.com/thexcerts
4 or 5 MAGICIANS as DINOSAUR JR - 9:05 to 9:45pm
www.myspace.com/4or5magicians
THE MUSCLE CLUB as FUGAZI - 8:15 to 8:50pm
www.myspace.com/themuscleclub
ICE SEA DEAD PEOPLE as MINOR THREAT - 7:30 to 8:00pm
www.myspace.com/iceseadeadpeople
EVERYONE TO THE ANDERSON as BIG BLACK - 6:45 to 7:15pm
www.myspace.com/everyonetotheanderson
AMY BLUE as BUTTHOLE SURFERS - 6:00 to 6:30pm
www.myspace.com/amyblue

Sunday Doors 5:00pm. FREE BBQ at 5:30pm. Bands 6:00pm to 10:40pm.

SATURDAY DAY TICKET : £6 : http://www.wegottickets.com/event/54037

SUNDAY DAY TICKET : £5.50 : http://www.wegottickets.com/event/54038

WEEKEND TICKET : £10 : http://www.wegottickets.com/event/54040

Videos and further info here : http://www.myspace.com/ourbandcouldbbqyourlife

-----------------------------------------------------

See you there rock fans!

Dan x

In my most bold gig organising venture to date, I have arranged a wonderful weekend of music, both regressive and original at the same time - a bit like Back To The Future I suppose, just with bands more punk rock than Huey Lewis and The News.

I've done a couple of more general nights at The Windmill in the past under the name 'There's Nothing Wrong With Covers' where I've picked some awesome bands we've had the privelege to watch, meet, play with, or all three, around the country, where they came and did a split set between their own songs, and the songs of a classic alt-rock band.  After the last one, an attendee suggested basing the next night around Michael Azzerad's biography of the 13 pioneers of the American alt-rock scene, Our Band Could Be Your Life, surely one of the best music books in existence.  As it contained at least 10 of my favourite bands of all time (and 13 I admire, and highly respect), I pounced on the idea.

I set about doing it in early spring, and finally, a few weeks ago, I formed a finalised lineup of 13 of the best alternative bands in the UK to take part.  With the best punk rock venue in London, The Windmill in Brixton on board, and the promise of a free-for-all BBQ on both days, this can only be all kinds of win.

There are still a few advance tickets available (links below) I advise either buying in advance (there will be a slight markup on the door), or getting down early to avoid disappointment, as there has been a lot of interest in this event, and The Windmill is only small!

Below are the full details.  If you can possibly get to this, and don't come along, you are quite simply a fucking bellend.

Dan x

--------------------------------------------------

OUR BAND COULD BBQ YOUR LIFE
@ THE WINDMILL, BRIXTON
Saturday 8th and Sunday 9th August 2009

A two-day weekend spectacular featuring the cream of British alternative talent taking on all 13 bands profiled in Michael Azzerad's much lauded American underground rock biography 'Our Band Could Be Your Life'.

SATURDAY 8th AUGUST :

WINNEBAGO DEAL as BLACK FLAG - 10:50 to 11:30pm
www.myspace.com/winnebagodeal
4 or 5 MAGICIANS as THE REPLACEMENTS - 9:55 to 10:35pm
www.myspace.com/4or5magicians
WONDERSWAN as MUDHONEY - 9:10 to 9:40pm
www.myspace.com/wonderswanband
INTERNET FOREVER as BEAT HAPPENING - 8:25 to 8:55pm
www.myspace.com/internetforever
NOT COOL as MINUTEMEN - 7:40 to 8:10pm
www.myspace.com/notcoolisaband
DUTCH HUSBAND as SONIC YOUTH - 6:55 to 7:25pm
www.myspace.com/dutchhusband1
THE JELAS as MISSION OF BURMA - 6:10pm to 6:40pm
www.myspace.com/thejelas
DAN ORMSBY as PAUL WESTERBERG - 5:45 to 6:05pm
www.myspace.com/danormsby

Saturday Doors 5:00pm. FREE BBQ at 5:30pm. Bands 5:45pm to 11:30pm. Late night alternative disco after 'til late!

SUNDAY 9th August :

The XCERTS as HUSKER DU - 10:00 to 10:40pm
www.myspace.com/thexcerts
4 or 5 MAGICIANS as DINOSAUR JR - 9:05 to 9:45pm
www.myspace.com/4or5magicians
THE MUSCLE CLUB as FUGAZI - 8:15 to 8:50pm
www.myspace.com/themuscleclub
ICE SEA DEAD PEOPLE as MINOR THREAT - 7:30 to 8:00pm
www.myspace.com/iceseadeadpeople
EVERYONE TO THE ANDERSON as BIG BLACK - 6:45 to 7:15pm
www.myspace.com/everyonetotheanderson
AMY BLUE as BUTTHOLE SURFERS - 6:00 to 6:30pm
www.myspace.com/amyblue

Sunday Doors 5:00pm. FREE BBQ at 5:30pm. Bands 6:00pm to 10:40pm.

SATURDAY DAY TICKET : £6 : http://www.wegottickets.com/event/54037

SUNDAY DAY TICKET : £5.50 : http://www.wegottickets.com/event/54038

WEEKEND TICKET : £10 : http://www.wegottickets.com/event/54040

Videos and further info here : http://www.myspace.com/ourbandcouldbbqyourlife

Facebook event : http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=99680228493 - add yourself, and invite anyone you think may be interested!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Preaching To The Conversed :

"You look mean in green and in red you're so pleasing
But they're so last season"

I have worn a variety of colours in my life, but I think I look best in black as demonstrated by our profile picture (at the time of writing), very thinning on a rapidly inflating lower torso.  Black never goes out of season.  But red and green do.  Generally you can only get away with this if you are Dudley Moore in that Christmas film where he's an elf.  And I think this is wrong.  Why can't Dudley Moore be a trendsetter?  WHY CAN'T I DRESS LIKE AN ELF AND NOT GET LAUGHED AT?

"And Alexa said it would be suicide"

I saw this show on T4 when I spent the night at someone's house and they woke me up and made me watch the TV at about 10am on a Sunday, and it was basically Alexa Chung telling people what to wear.  I'll tell you what to wear at 10am on a Sunday - PYJAMAS FOR FUCKS SAKE.  Thanks for letting me crash at your house, but fuck off and let me go back to sleep, at least until Hollyoaks for deaf people comes on.

"You may as well just commit suicide"

This was the impression she was giving off.  I felt like it, seriously.  I've had some dark moments in my life (see my acoustic demos page) but none more than when I'm lying in some random girl's bed watching Alexa tell me I should wear stripy yellow socks or whatever and I hate the thought of the existence of humans but I've still got a semi on because she's quite attractive.  I'm sure Channel 4 used to show horse racing?  I don't fancy horses, and they don't speak, and even if they did they wouldn't tell you what to wear, I'm sure.  They'd just tell you not to ride them and crack them mercilessly with a whip.

NB.

- She was good on Popworld
- I'm not comparing her to a horse
- Actually that was Miquita Oliver who was good on Popworld, my bad!

"Guaranteed haute corpse-ture"

'where they live hard, die young, have a good lookin' corpse every time'  Tom Waits, "Mr. Siegal" from Heartattack and Vine, Elektra, 1980

"Don't get shirty, I'm only teasing"

Shirty! Like a shirt!  But like in the sense of getting a bit worked up!  And a shirt!  It's a verse about the frivolity of fashion! HAHA!  Kill me now.

"But that shirt is tantamount to fashion treason
Apparently
You must approach fashion transparently
Am I up to speed?  I'm not sure..."

I don't have a clue about fashion.  This is a bit like Lady Gaga writing a song about music.

"The high street is your cote d'or"

For all you non-Francais speakers out there, cote d'or directly translates as "the gold coast".  I grew up in a town called Sutton in the far reaches of south London, and by all accounts, it's a pretty good high street, it's better than Tooting for instance.  But it kills me that probably a decent proportion of the people under the age of 25 who reside in Sutton have only seen this one high street.  Go to Shrewsbury or something, you'd puke.  It has cobbled streets, and the front of the KFC is beige!

"Topman your independent record store"

Apparently my song 'Forever On The Edge' got on some kind of playlist they play in Topman stores.  I don't think that needs any further comment.  I got a £5 Topman voucher once for my birthday from some distant Auntycousin.  I went in and bought a hairclip or something and got £4.50 change.  On the way out I deposited the hairclip in a bin before heading to Virgin Megastore to spend £4.49 on an old Charlatans single that probably wasn't even good but I thought it was at the time.  I put the 1p in the RNIB box.  Someone benefitted at least.  My grandad was blind.  ANYWAY ... this is a serious point.  There used to be this great little shop in Sutton called Hot Rocks (arf!) which sold loads of awesome records for £3.99 and some for even less.  I once went in there and Fat Matt the proprietor threw a Mansun T-Shirt at me.  It makes me sad that I don't expect anyone ever again ever will walk into a record shop and have a Mansun T-Shirt thrown at them with the words "You like this shit don't you?".  Maybe that's never happened to anyone apart from me anyway.  ANYWAY ... to explain the line - I may have been the only guy who got his best clothes from a CD shop, but kids don't go to CD shops these days.  They go to Topman and listen to 'Forever On The Edge' by the 4 or 5 Magicians while buying poorly made jeans for £49.99 which is "a bargain" (even though their cost price is probably like 18p).  I could have bought the entire Charlatans singles back catlogue for that (and I did - whoops!).  Conclusion : I'm a cunt, and so are you.

"You have no idea that Sonic Youth is a band"

We played a show with a band called Doll and The Kicks in Brighton who Morrissey has been saying are the "best band ever".  I won't be drawn on their musical worth, I'll let Morrissey do the talking - he knows far better than me, his band was successful - but let me tell you, they look fucking great, seriously.  The singer was wearing one of those shirts that has the front cover of Goo by Sonic Youth on it, and that kind of inspired this line.  I'm sure she knows Sonic Youth are a band, I'm not saying she doesn't, but did she buy the shirt for £5 from a cockney outside the Kentish Town Forum after sitting through them playing the whole of 'A Thousand Leaves'?  Probably not.  Good on her, that album is shit.  Goo's the masterpiece, I agree.

"You think The Ramones is a clothing brand"

My old housemate Will used to work in the Levi's shop in Churchill Square shopping centre in Brighton.  There was this dude we both kind of knew who hung around with the football team even though he didn't play football who inexplicably referred to Levi's as "Leroy's", and had a Ramones T-Shirt, but didn't realise they were a band, he just liked the design.  He also wore an Arsenal shirt a lot, but he realised they were a football team.  At least I think he did.  Maybe he just liked Emirates Airlines.

"Dress for success and then jostle for position
Yeah, I look a mess, but I'm a struggling musician"

This is my fist in the air, Bruce Springsteen kind of "beat the system" line.  BOX TICKED

"You all must look the same and thus the same you must all listen"

Kids dress the same because they don't want to stick out.  In a way I agree with this in really young kids.  When I was in year 6 I had these absolutely shoddy trainers called "Mirage" that my mum bought me from a dodgy discount store because she was a cheapskate and didn't have a great grasp of child psychology.  I winged it by telling all my classmates they were prototype Japanese Adidas Mirage trainers and they believed me because they were a) pretty gullible, and b) because I was the only kid in the class in the football team so I owned them.  There's some drawn out moral story here about hegemonic behaviour among 11 year olds, but I'll save that for another day.  The bottom line is, kids do whatever the cool kid does. Even though by the age of 14/15 you should be forming your own opinions.  But this still doesn't happen in the large part of cases as status is everything in playground politics. So if the cool kid says listen to [WAVVES]insert cool but essentially shit, fly by night current band[/WAVVES] they will all listen to that and they are cool by default.

"Preaching to the Conversed, my impossible mission"

Conversed, like people that wear Converse.  And also ironic double meaning of "conversed" as in people that have amassed an assumed superior knowledge by talking to others.  You haven't seen anything until you've seen someone earnestly attempting to play football in skinny-fit jeans and Converse All-Stars.  Please notice the photo accompanying the song on the myspace player.  Yes that is an inner sole (from none other than the Kurt Cobain signature Converse!) that reads "Punk Rock Means Freedom".  On an INNER FUCKING SOLE.  Do you think people take their shoe off and are like "check out the inner sole of my Converse guys!  Read it!  Isn't that totally rad?  Oh while it's out maybe GIVE IT A SNIFF - IT SMELLS OF CHEESE AS WELL".

"All your friends say vote green, but aren't the reds the best?"

From fashion to politics - my other favourite sticking point.  I love 18 year olds who vote for the Green party just because "they are campaigning for our future!" or other such bullshit.  This is a comic line because it's almost attributing some level of reflective thought to the youth of today, but only fleetingly because they are sure that the red party is the one you're meant to vote for, and they want to fit in.

"Well your parents contest
The red ones are in disarray"

Parents are generally more stupid than kids I find.  They are usually racist, and say all music sounds like Fleetwood Mac.  However they do often read the paper and form "opinions", and realise that the Labour party is totally fucking up right now where as kids just play Playstations and eat Doritos or whatever kids do these days - unprotected sex or whatever. 

"You'll probably vote blue anyway
That's your favourite colour"

Cutting. 

"Don't get angry I'm only joking
But what's the point in voting
When you don't know what you're voting for?"

I have never voted.  I got into a big argument in one of my politics seminars once for admitting this.  Some dude who looked like Johnny Rotten was like "MAAAN people died so that you had the right to vote" and I was like "didn't people die so I had the right to CHOOSE TO VOTE OR NOT?", actually I didn't say that, I think I just shrugged and wondered why I had got out of bed (even though this was one of my 4pm seminars on the same day as football training).  But seriously, I'd say the majority of people in the UK right now are voting for parties that don't represent them.  That's why the cocking BNP are on the rise, because they do actually represent the values of that minority of idiots.  The current state of politics in the UK is ridiculous.  I think centrism is probably the most sensible way to gain votes at the moment, so I can see why they are doing it.  But in a de-facto two-party system, who are you voting for?  Do you even know any more?  Is there even a significant difference between Labour and Conservative apart from one is RED and the other is BLUE?

"Does no-one read the paper any more?
Read the paper?!?  What could be duller?"

This is a wink towards the internet age.  It is a sad truth that the best news based thing to read is theonion.com , and that's not even real.  There is also a slight hypocrisy here - I should really read the newspaper more myself, I don't get it much at all, I tend to just watch news 24 for half an hour a day to see what's going on.  But then Jade Goody thought Norwich was on Mars or whatever.  RIP Jade.  I hope you're in heaven, which is just off the A11, about 45 minutes past Thetford Forest.

"Obama is your new Che Guevara"

I'm not gonna go all Frank Turner on you, but Obama, in the run up to his winning the US Presidency was portrayed by the media as some kind of messiah, and the talking heads waxing lyrical about his win afterward were just embarrassing.  He isn't a messiah [hadtosayit]he's a very naughty boy[/hadtosayit], he's just a normal guy.  With seemingly balanced views.  Who can string a sentence together.  This is why he is so so important right now, and I genuinely hope he becomes a great and inspirational president, as he could well do.  But I just really hope in 30 years time, fat middle class kids aren't parading round in Obama T-shirts that they bought for £19.99 from Camden Market.

"Scouting For Girls are your new Nirvana"

We've all worn a Nirvana T-shirt at some point in our lives, right?  But bands like that don't exist any more.  Scouting For Girls exist though, sadly.  I've never seen anyone in a Scouting For Girls T-Shirt though.  I think perhaps I'm contradicting my point here, but I'm not sure.  I think you know what I mean, and if you don't, then that's ok because I don't either.  I mean I do but I can't really articulate right now [NEEDS AN EDIT HERE DAN - THIS ALMOST NEGATES YOUR WHOLE ANALYSIS - Ed]

"You've written "Free Tibet" on the back of your hand"

Chris Martin has a lovely smile, but you shouldn't copy stuff he does.

"But you think that Tibet is a part of Iran"

I'm still not sure about this line, but I think it works because it's topical.  Even if you are the stupidest stupidhead in the UK, you must have seen Iran mentioned on the news (even if it was by accident) and know that they are a bunch of mental darkies that are going to kill all us lovely, virtuous white people with their weapons of mass destruction.  You probably haven't heard of Tibet, even though Chris Martin has.  Still, you have a pen, and a whole head of ideas, so knock yourself out.

"You think the Dalai Lama is the King of Japan!"

Comment on the fact that a large section of our society would probably guess "Japanese?" upon presnetation of a photo of the Dalai Lama and the question "which country is this man from?".  Maybe this is taking pseudo-cynical too far.  I haven't done any market research.  If anyone wants to come help me with some consumer-hassling in Brighton at any point let me know.  It would be a welcome relief from those try hards that guilt trip you into setting up a standing order to donate money to Cancer Research so they can fund their Easter holiday ski trip to St. Tropez anyway.

"Yes, I confess, I'm no great politician"

I did a politics degree and I only just passed.  I'd like to say this was because I became so disillusioned with politics / life that I actually felt a genuine disdain for the futility of what I was studying and lost interest, but it was probably just because I was a bit lazy, I didn't actually do my dissertation due to poor time management, and the fact that I've only ever wanted to be in a band so I focused on that rather than bothering to write essays giving a balanced view on Margaret Thatcher.

"But at least I possess a process approaching cognition"

Little known fact : Sam Clarke, erstwhile guitarist (formerly bass player) in 4 or 5 Magicians has a neuroscience degree.  You learn something new every day.  Well, some people do.

"You all must think the same and thus the same you must all listen
Preaching to the Conversed, my impossible mission"

'Think the same' this time, rather than look the same.  It's true.  People think the same as each other too.  As much as they like to think they don't.  You probably disagree, how ironic!

"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and I feel like I'm beaten
So take me for a Big Mac so I can taste the defeat"

This is my favourite line I have ever written.  I didn't eat McDonalds for about 6 years, not for any moral reasons, just because it tasted like shit and gave me explosive diahorrea.  But me and Graham were out in London last summer, and after stumbling totally wrecked out of a club at 5am it was the only place still open on The Strand, and so I bit the bullet, went in, slapped £5 down on the counter and just spurted out "MEAT!!".  The guy returned with two quarter pounders and took my money.  Didn't even ask me if I wanted fries.  DO YOUR JOB FELLA!  I ate them both, and the next thing I know it's 11am and I'm throwing up in Graham's toilet.  Never has the phrase "taste the defeat" seemed more appropriate to me.

"And now we are the same and the same we will listen
Preaching to the Conversed, my impossible mission"

About 12 years ago, a Tesco megastore was built at the end of our suburban street in Sutton.  As a 13 year old I was delighted - so much choice at my fingertips!  But my Dad warned me at the time "there won't be any shops in 15 years except supermarkets and they will charge whatever the fuck they like".  Shut up dad, stop being such a cynic - what corner shop would do buy one get one free Reggae Reggae Sauce?!?  What greengrocer would sell broccoli at half price ALL YEAR ROUND?!?!!?  What electrical appliance store would play Simply Red records over the PA system??!?!  Oh hang on Dixons used to do that.  And Tandy.  But anyway, good riddance I say.  You can't buy hair straighteners and condoms at a fishmongers!

But what does this all count for?  What does this song acheive?  Well nothing really apart from the fact I can listen to it at 11:35am having been awake all night after a slightly indulgent Saturday night out, in the deluded "knowledge" that I have written one of the best songs of all time.  I haven't.  It means nothing because in reality you don't fucking care, and nor do I.

Dan x

I can FINALLY announce details for the release of our debut album!

The album will be called 'Empty, Derivative Pop Songs', and is scheduled to be released on Monday October 12th through Smalltown America Records.

The tracklisting will be thus :

1. I'm In The Band
2. Forever On The Edge
3. Behind Each Others Backs
4. Out Of My Hands
5. Form An Orderly Queue
6. Your Fictitious Character
7. Is This Your Ideal Man?
8. Nice Little Earner
9. Change The Record
10. Preaching To The Conversed

All tracks are new songs, new recordings of songs, or previously unheard new mixes of songs.

The album will be preceded in September by a single, Nice Little Earner, which will be backed by two brand new songs which we are recording on June 2nd.  We are also making a video for the song with Brighton based director Matt Anstee.

To explain the delay, we had decided in Feburary to release on Smalltown America, with the release scheduled for May, but at the 11th hour Jaimie Hodgson, new music editor at the NME called me up and suggested the possibility of us releasing on a bigger label.  After strong interest from a prominent indie label, and a major imprint, it looked reasonably likely we may release on one of them, though no offer was forthcoming, and after a bit of thought I realised that Smalltown America was the ideal label for this particular release anyway.  October is the soonest we could release on their schedule, and is a good month for touring, so it has actually worked out rather well.

So yeah, a bit of a way off, but glad to finally have a release date sorted!

Dan x

PS. Talking of Jaimie Hodgson, he saw us at The Great Escape and it looks like he enjoyed it!  http://www.nme.com/blog/index.php?blog=15&title=the_great_escape_round_up_day_two&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1