Sometimes the tears just stream down when no one knows your name or direction.

Hey everyone,

I'm at the dentist getting the 3 years of tartar build up scraped from my lower teeth! I am wincing in agony, not because it hurts, actually it does a little, but the wincing is from the lifetime of bad dental experiences since I was a toddler with tooth decay. It all started somewhere back in time, I came to a dental office and had all of my front upper teeth capped with silver crowns! It saved my teeth and let me eat apples until my permanent teeth kicked in, but the experience of the dental chair, the sterile smell, the aftertaste of blood and conversations taking place above and without me as I listen and endure like a molar, forever seared into my mind a dread of the dental office.

I was just like my poor little molar whose only destiny is to be pulled out years down the road because I don't question authority. I blindly accepted the words of the IHS dentist, pull the tooth out and the toothache will cease. Little did I know that I could just go to a real dentist, pay a few hundred dollars and get a root canal that would have saved my precious tooth. It's too late for that, the teeth are all gone, my lower right jaw free of molars, on my left, there is a nice gaping hole that always catches those stray tortilla chips as they pierce my fleshy gums like daggers in the spot where a mighty tooth should have been. Now I am older, and I have lived and learned that I can talk back to the dentist and the staff. I can ask questions, opinions and even state my preferences for treatment. These days I try to hang on to what I have left.

Then the dental tech pauses for a second pondering what she will tell me next, and without finishing whatever she was trying to tell me about the cruelty of Apaches, she starts speaking of her vast experience living among Navajo people. “I lived in Chinle for a few years working at the Indian Health Service, and what I saw there in that community really disappointed me. The trash, the dilapidated houses and the abject poverty and alcoholism really seemed contrary to how Native People are supposed to be. When I was a little girl I remember that commercial where the Indian cried because of all the litter you know, that was all I could think about when I was there in Chinle. I must say I was really let down by the Indian people. Why don’t they want to keep the land clean like they used to? Why don’t they just get jobs and work?”

I have been squeezing the chair handles so tight that my fingers ache when the scraping is finished, the sharp scraper is out of my mouth, my chair is being tilted back to the upright position, and now it’s time for me to speak. I turn to the dental technician who so boldly shared with me her disappointment in Navajos and how barbaric my ancestors were, and I tell her with a straight face nearly as emotionless as hers that what she just said was completely misinformed fantasy concocted by a society and culture that has brutalized our people since it’s introduction here in the Americas. Many of our communities are the legacy of an oppressive system that has nearly destroyed our ability to be self determined through it’s systematic campaign of forced dependence nearly 4 to 5 generations deep. This sick paternalistic relationship that American Indians have with Uncle Sam is by design not by accident, and the majority of our fellow Americans are also just as misinformed about Indians and our communities as she and her husband are.

“Your husband read one book about Fort Huachuca, and you have to understand first and foremost that the majority of these books are created without ever consulting Native people. This time period was terrible all out war, and when it comes to America, and the American recollection of this war, this collective memory represents just the tail end of a conflict that had been endured by Natives for over 300 years before America even came into the picture. The whole time, colonial countries were wheeling and dealing, laying claim to lands, buying and selling to one another without ever considering that the Native people of the land might be inclined to disagree. This is complete racist behavior, and this racism enabled some of the most brutal, deranged and barbaric treatment of my ancestors. So yes, when Americans came into the picture, they encountered people who had tailored their whole lifestyles to a climate of war and resistance, yet through all this they maintained their humanity, humility and concept of posterity. So to say that Indians, Apaches in particular are cruel, is just as ignorant as saying that Santa Claus is real.”

She looks at me, almost amazed, a white woman in the presence of a wooden Indian come to life like Pinocchio. I am real, I can talk, I am brown, I’m a paying customer and she is speechless. She puts her tools away and leaves to set up for another dental patient.

For some reason most white bread Americans eventually outgrow Santa Claus and accept that he is myth, but they can’t seem to learn when it comes to the truth about taking over a whole continent in the name of freedumb and democracy.

Learn humility teach it to your children and tell them the truth to prepare them for this kind of ignorance.

Teeth! Those beautiful little grinders that help us gnaw our steaks, tear into apples and chomp the ends of pencils into sawdust! I got my teeth cleaned by the dentist for the first time in 3 years, and I had no new decay or cavities! I was proud, I am proud, however I had some serious tartar build up that caused me to endure the grinding and scraping of the dental technician. My gums are sore as I type this. I will be getting a 1000 dollar gold crown in about a month or so from now, yep, a real honest to goodness golden crown that should last me a good part of my lifetime! I'm paying all out of pocket because we Indians get the best free dental straight from Uncle Sam himself! I must not forget our free education too! Man we got it made!

: )

Anyway, while the dental tech was taking my X-Rays, I noticed that the X-Ray zapper was shaking as she would take the picture, so I asked if that made it blurry. She then got a little defensive and asked me why, what do you do for a living? I let her know that I was a photographer, and a filmmaker and then the tone changed. "Oh, really! Where can I see your work?" she said. To which I replied, "Well you can watch my film May 4th when it broadcasts nationally on Pee Bee Esssss. It's part of a series on Native History."

She then came back with a very genuine, "Well that must be so much fun for you!"

I being a consistent downer to never forget the struggle replied, "Not really, actually it was a brutal experience that lasted the entire year I worked on it. Now that it's all said and done, it only haunts me from time to time."

"oh....." she said as she began scraping the tartar from my teeth.

She then went on to say that her husband was reading about Fort Huachuca, and how he was telling her how brutal and cruel the Apaches were. (Fort Huachuca was built in 1877 here in Arizona and was utilized during the famed Apache Campaign) She added that we Apaches were even meaner and more cruel than the other "TAME" Indians in the southwest. Remember she has a sharp little digger that is scraping away inside my mouth as she speaks to me. I listen and try to remain calm while I endure the 2 things I hate most in the world. The Dentist and misinformed liberals who never waste an opportunity to spew off their racist mythology about society, history and the subjugation and obliteration of Native Peoples to make way for the free democratic Amerikkka.

TO BE CONTINUED....

whoa!

If only I could
articulate these feelings
thirteen years matured...

: )

Okay, so here goes!

First off, this SATURDAY and this SATURDAY ONLY, you can come to an advance screening of my film GERONIMO. It starts at 2:00pm at the Heard Museum so get there early because I don't know how it's going to go.

So one last time.

Saturday, NOVEMBER 1st, 2:00pm, doors close! ( I dunno though )

There are some cool films screening before this, here is the info on them.

Sat, 1 Nov, 2008 7:00 AM - 12:00 PM

Held in conjunction with the Navajo Weavers' Marketplace and as the kickoff to the Heard Museum's new film series Cinema Saturdays, three films by and about American Indians will be shown.

The day features the Phoenix premiere of Woven Ways (50 min., 2008), produced and directed by Linda Helm Krapf, at 10 a.m. This film tells about the impacts of uranium mining on their land and livestock that sustain their culture and economy as well as the environmental issues that threaten their health and well-being.

At 11 a.m., WGBH will premiere the ReelNative Project, in which eight Native residents produced mini-documentaries about the Indian experience in Phoenix.

Finally, the advance screening of Geronimo, an episode in the upcoming miniseries We Shall Remain, will begin at 2 p.m. Geronimo was produced and directed by Dustinn Craig, White Mountain Apache/Navajo, and Sarah Colt. Free and open to the public.

Location: Heard Museum 2301 N. Central Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85004 (Map)
Fees: free.
Contact: 602.252.8848






So, I'll BLAHHHHGGGGG now.

I left Arizona in June 2006 with a fully packed VW Jetta to drive all the way to Boston with out going pee once! I made it as far as Tuscon, so much for the pee record. I got to Boston about a week after I left and started work! This is always the case for me, I get hired to make films set in the Southwest but have to move to the east coast! It makes perfect sense I know! This pic was taken about 15 minutes before I left my house alone! I had to find a place to live when I got to Boston because the awesome family was to follow!





When I got there I unloaded all my junk into my new office!



I actually slept here many nights in the first 2 months before my family moved out. My good buddy Myrton put me up in his place and so did Sherene! My eternal thanks to them, but I still managed to sleep here because I didn't like driving around in Boston and I had free internet from this office! I'd rent movies and fast food and live here, very depressing because I missed my family sooooo much.

Eventually the family made it out and I was happy!




One happy family and now it was time for me to leave back to Arizona for weeks at a time, leaving my loved ones behind yet again to fend for themselves in Beantown! When pre production was over months laster, Velma knew Boston better than I did! She drove everywhere and knew of all the places to eat, shop and all that! It's funny because when I was there by myself, I was too chicken to explore, but she never has been! She's my hero!

The Film is about GERONIMO! He's everywhere, on t-shirts, stickers, really bad stencils, and all kinds of cheesy badly designed crap! He's a total ICON! And there I was, a White Mountain Apache filmmaker working in Boston to Co-WRITE/PRODUCE/DIRECT a biographic history documentary film with a white woman who would become my ally against the evil omnipotent forces of the world! It was a tricky thing for the both of us, because sharing a film is hard to do for independent filmmakers, yet through it all, we came out better friends than anyone would have ever guessed, including us.

So we were in the trenches, going through all kind of drama throughout the year! You can go back to my old blogs if you want to rehash it all. There were times that I completley hated it and other times that I was completley in love with it all! I would do it all over in a heartbeat! Even though I know I will not be making any more films of that size and scope in the near future, I am glad I was there to make everyone think deeply about this history of Native America, myself included! I am glad the history made people uncomfortable, scared, and tense! Believe me, for me it was always worse. After all, I was a lone Indian, sourrounded by white people in the deepest depths of the Hoity Toity Liberal STRONGHOLD! Just blocks away from Harvard Square!

Anyway, I'm back in Arizona and much stronger mentally and as a filmmaker. I have a deep respect for the disctinctions for the Apache bands, to the extent that I can't even use the word APACHE without making sure that my particular tribe is identified. I think everyone involved in the process learned a great deal and were changed in one way or another. There were times when I was going insane with anger, sadness, contempt, confusion, apathy, empathy and determination to win! From the very start I wanted to make the BEST FILM in the SERIES. There are 5 histories being told in these films, and five different teams of producers. Out of all the teams, we were the only ones that had to be located at the head offices under the supervision of bosses. This was a plus and a neagative, but it's over now and I am happy, home and freelancing! Like nothing ever happened.

So this saturday is your chance to see it! A whole year and a half after I finished the film! It's been sitting on a shelf in some Boston highrise waiting for this weekend!

The film will broadcast spring 2009, so if you miss it this weekend, you'll have to wait till then.

What I am most proud of is the fact that I was able to cast REAL APACHES to portray APACHES! Yay for the home team! The usual way to go for these things is to use the casting books from the actors guild and stuff like that. The only problem is that all the headshots of Indians don't look one bit like any Apache person I have ever seen. Nothing against my fellow Natives and tribes, but every since I was a little kid watching movies about Indians and Apaches, I never got to see my people.

Together my co-producer and I, found a way to get around the pitfalls of the system and we hired White Mountain Apache people to play, DRUMROLL PLEASE, White Mountain Apaches!

We were able to cast Chiricahua Apache Descendants from Mescalero to portray Chiricahua Apaches!

Unheard of! I wish the film had more of them, but we were working under great constraints and tight budgets, but I am most proud of this aspect of our process. My good buddies from Whiteriver came through, my new friends from Mescalero came through and everything came together! Now this will not be a visual epic like the LAST SAMURAI, because it's public television and we don't have a hundred million dollars to throw at a film. We have less than one percent of that kind of dough, and I'm still so very proud of what we managed to get. Mostly thanks to the Apache People from Mescalero and Whiteriver, they just look right because they are right. It's a testament to using the right Indians to play themselves! Maybe that will catch on someday.

: )

So heres some pictures from the shoot to hopefully get you to come to the screening! If it's a big turnout, that will be a positive signal to head hanchos of large institutions that can greenlight more films of this magnitude!


































Now I love these 2 top photos because you see the Indians having a blast laughing and joking around! Everyone else is all business!



that's me and Sarah Colt. We are both credited as Director, Producer, Writer.

I got an additional credit as a cinematographer! I shot much footy in the re-enactments of the film!





That's our Director of Photography, Michael Chin. He is the coolest, and I got to shoot because he let me and encouraged me to do so. Other DP's didn't like that, but he was super humble and not threatened by me shooting! He is a master cinematographer!

Now the White Mountain Scouts!















More production stuff











All that to burn a Wikiup!


Now these are my pics from the day we shot with the peeps from Mescalero! So friggin bad ass! We did a night dance but it was near impossible to take pictures, so you'll have to settle for these day ones.































When it's all said and done, it came down to two and a half days of re-enactment shooting. The last half day was spent in the helicopter shooting ariels for about 4 hours in the sky. Then 5 days of scenic shooting, and 3 days worth of interviews with Apache Descendants, and 2 days with accademics, and one day for a pick up shoot at the tail end. To make this film! Come see it!

: )