While legally dowloading Bikini Kill albums, i noticed this series of ads in the "what's hot" panel that automatically runs alongside my downloads. Some similarities and differences between the ads featuring men and the ones featuring women caught my eye. Can you spot them? You'll have to look carefully, they're subtle.

I guess i've been doing it wrong.

Oh also, WTF are the Pussycat Dolls? Are they a band? Are they a produced dance group thing? There's always a different amount of Dolls in the ad photos i see. Can anyone be a Pussycat Doll? Can i be one? Is anybody already one as long as they have the attitude and Photoshop? I'd look it up myself but am sure it would be infuriating and depressing, and i'm too busy reading about Deaf communities- so uplifting and interesting! Right now it seems like the opposite of Fast & the Furious 4, and Pussycat Dolls.

I walked around the city all Wednesday waiting for my dad to get out of work so we could grab some food and go see Kraftwerk. Getting catcalled is to be expected, and for years i've had a store of nasty responses ready to snap back at the shitty pricks who like to dis your girl Sam. The thing about snappy responses, though, is that when you yell GET AIDS you feel good that you stood up for yourself for half a second, then they're like FUCK YOU BITCH and the score is even. Man fuck that, Girlsam don't give no fucking handouts. So i came up with the perfect response. Walking down the street i hear WHAT UP GIRL from this group of like 6 homeboys sitting on some boring stoop.

I stop, they're like 5 feet away from me, i look at each of them individually, then give a great big cough/bark, as contagious as i could pull off. I couldn't help but start laughing hysterically and continued to for about a block and a half. Over my laughing, I could only hear a little of what they said in response, but it was mostly "What the FUCK was that??!" over and over, said with emphasis on different words. It had thrown them completely off guard and been so distracting there was no room to recover- HA!

When i told my dad about it, i asked him to tell the girl who works in his office because we can all use as many tips as we can get, and i'm sure she gets catcalled all the time. He said he didn't think it would work with her because if you're going to do something like that, you have to be able to back it up "And your laugh is not something people are gonna mess with." But whatever, modify it to suit you, the only thing that's important is throwing suckers off guard and making them look so laughable that there's no room for them to come back.

i got you, hun!

i don't know if other phones have this problem, but this is pretty all-purpose do it yourself info. When my laptop charger cord breaks, which it inevitably will because they all do, this is how i will fix it.

HOW THE ANTENNA WAS FIXED
The phone antenna fell out once and i spent $12 for some SARS-ass new one that snapped and broke ASAP. For a while i held a key up to it instead, like some Ben Franklin shit, and that worked fine but got lame cause i couldn't really recieve calls. So i coiled up a piece of copper braid, stuck one end into where the antenna had been, and hot glued it to the phone: Five bars of service, dick yeah! When the hot glue began to give (like 2 months later!) i epoxy and duct taped the braid, and haven't had to touch it since!

it was pretty obvious what was wrong with the charger, like which part was broken. i had a pretty good idea about how to fix it but was apprehensive cause i don't know much about electronics and for some reason thought it was possible to fuck up. So when my man came over i told him what was wrong with it and we fixed it.

What's wrong with the charger is the cord is designed to be weak at the end you plug into the phone. Eventually the wire will break inside that part of the cord and you won't be able to tell what's wrong just by looking at it. i figured this was the problem because twisting, folding, and bending that part of the cord would sometimes get the charger to work again. What makes that part so weak is the little rubber sleeve thing betweeen the cord and the thumbelina. (Since i don't care about the real name for the little dude you plug into the phone, i will call it a thumbelina). This rubber sleeve is on most everything, including the notoriously ball-licking Mac charger.

HOW THE CHARGER WAS FIXED
First cut the thumbelina off, leaving about an inch of wire showing, and cut a few useless feet off the cord. i had 2 broken chargers, which were slightly different from one another. The newer one was made in a harder way for suspicious, indignant people like me to fix, because the person who designed it is a bastard. The cord was marked positive and negative on the older charger (marked by a white line on the + side), the cord of the newer charger was twisted inside the thumbelina and not marked at all. if this is the case, you could mark one side of the wire before cutting it and be fine.

Then use an xacto knife to strip the cord at the thumbelina end until about 1/2 inch of wire is showing, same deal with the longer wire. You will probably need to pull the + and - sides of the wire apart so it's easier to handle because you have big, clumsy fingers because you are old. Twist the two positives together and the two negatives together, keeping + and - seperate, and solder them. He soldered them cause i happened to own a soldering iron, but it isn't necessary if the wires are twisted together well. Cover the twists in duct tape/electrical tape/medical tape/whatever you have but don't tape the + and - sides together.

Next, take the long wire and pull a few inches of it apart, separating the + and - sides more. Fold them wires up so they're going in the wrong direction and tape them down to the thumbelina. Fold them back down so they're going in the right direction again, and tape them down to the thumbelina. This pretty much eliminates pressure on the part of the charger that was badly made. Only cute tape was used, obviously.

Maybe you don't even have a Motorola phone, and sorry for being irrelevant if you don't. Except i'm not sorry because someone you know probably does have this b.s. charger. And this is useful information because things like laptop chargers and cell phones have a big "i'm better than you" thing going on, but they're just normal crap that just about anyone could fix with little more than scissors, tape, and ten minutes.

As you can see, it looks way cooler, and just imagine all the great things you can buy with the 100 plus dollars you'll save! Like birthday presents for me, March 16th y'all