it is passion.
a stirring like the deep rumble of thunder.
flashes of desire as lightning hits the ground.
and longing so great, so tremendous that nothing else matters.
let the winds carry me away.

15/5/09 1806


it is finally raining in Perak.

finally.

i'm here because not many reads this blog.
i'm here because my journal has run out of pages, and i can't find any papers.
i'm here because i promised many that i won't let it hurt.

but it does.

so, so much.

Hello Darkness my old friend.
it's been awhile hasn't it?

saya tak suka ini.
sebab biar diri hanyut terlalu lama.

ahah.
tengok.
i can't even put it in words.

thank God i'm coming home.

that means i have a whole weekend to bounce back and recuperate.
bounce back.

and recuperate.

heal dammit, heal!

dulu, kau pandai pandai minta petunjuk.
so the petunjuk hurts.
so deal with it.

(noktah)

4 years of blogging in myspace.

4 tahun!! lagi tua dr ranya yg comel!
(ranya is kak mona - kakak roe - nye anak whom i just met and COMEL GILA OK!)
hehe :)

soo toodles myspace~!

4 years with what i would like to assume 300 over posts (including the ones i deleted) and close to 10000 views (including the times i reset the whole thing - haha!)

change is inevitable,
boredom kills.

http://suddenspaces.blogspot.com/

i feel like making some changes.

some people get drastic haircuts, color their hair, buy new clothes.

i, lina the hampir pokai and so saving for trips punye perempuan, am thinking of blogging someplace else.

should i?

perhaps.

(no worries, akan post the link here if i do)

i've been racking me empty brains for ideas to blog.
that annoying need to actually blog and blab, but instead, BLAH.
tiada words come out.

which only means i need more books to read.

"mamaaa, hee. nak buku"
*wat muka comel*

dont think so >.<

friendship.

no matter what crap happened, the friendship pulls through.

they know your flaws, and at times are annoyed with it, but learnt to live with it, and accepts it.
(sesungguhnya acceptance is vital)

that no matter the distance, or the time spent apart, or the different lives lead, or wtv else life has thrown at us, we still click.

true friends who understands fully the terms forgive and forget are hard to find.
i'm glad i never truly lost them =)

so yes! looking forward to sk2 nye reunion!
oh memories~ ;)

Sweet and Low - augustana

anywhere you go, anyone you meet
remember that your eyes, can be your enemies

I said, hell is so Close, and heaven's out of reach

but i ain't givin' up quite yet
i've got too much to lose

[chorus]
hold me down, sweet and low, little girl
hold me down, sweet and low, and i'll carry you home
hold me down, sweet and low, little girl
hold me down and i'll carry you home

the rain is gonna fall
the sun is gonna shine
the wind is gonna blow
the water's gonna rise
she said, when that day comes,
looK into my eyes, no one's givin' up quite yet, we've go too much to lose

hold me down, sweet and low, little girl
hold me down, sweet and low, and i'll carry you home
hold me down, sweet and low, little girl
hold me down and i'll carry you
all the way,
and you say your fine
but your still young
and out of line
when all i need's to turn around
to make it last to make it count
i ain't gonna make the same mistakes that put my mama in her grave
i don't wanna be alone

hold me down, sweet and low, little girl
hold me down, sweet and low, and i'll carry you home
hold me down, sweet and low, little girl
hold me down and i'll carry you home

(akan blog about performance on the 11th when i get pictures from kak imi and abg poi)

today was suppose to be my malas day.
no mandi til malam, no makan til my body shakes (because malas turun bawah), just movies and sleep.

supposedly.
until the phone rang at 1559hours.

"aku taw ko baru bangun! jom! kitorg nk ajak ko minum2"
ahh saviors from a day that would've been filled with severe nothingness.

2 whole freaking hours worth of conversations.
2 whole hours that made my day, perhaps my whole week.
ahh mereka best! =)

we talked about islands and diving (since askar baru balek perhentian).
and planned trips (oh yeay! more trips up ahead ;))
then came one of my favorite topics, music.
oh, mereka ini sangat inspiring!
just listening to them talk (or watching them play as a matter of fact) is inspiring.
they're a bunch of people brought together by passion so strong it's overwhelming.
then askar with his advice on future job interviews, careers etc.
then came the talk on relationships.

huah. most of what afiq and askar said i've heard from cg before.
especially the part about finding someone who's matured.
oh and remember?
cg once said that (esp as a girl),
you're suppose to find someone who loves you more than you love him?
yeah. they said the exact same thing.
hearing these things from them had an impact since yeah, they've either done it before or have gone through it.

and yeay!
from what i gathered, i've been sorta right about what love is and isn't.

love isn't about changing a person.
it's about accepting that person's faults and strengths.
"sebab dia punya kelemahan tu yg sebenarnya buat dia cantik" -askar

love isn't a game.
it's not about win or lose.
"kau akan tahu it's love. dia akan lain dari yang pernah kau rasa" -afiq

love isn't about egoes.
it's not about putting a guard so impossibly high up,
or not having enough patience to work with your partner's ego.
"bayangkan a wall yg sangat tinggi. the more kau hentam2, the more kuat and higher it goes. kalau kau dapat jumpa laki yg boleh pusing around the wall to get to you lincat, simpan elok2. susah nak dapat." -askar

love is about comfort.
finding that one person to love, who loves you back and knowing that you can always turn to that person. ALWAYS.
"tengok old couples pegang2 tgn, boleh gelak sama2, bila kau dah sampai tahap sangat selesa dengan orang tu, that is it." -afiq

"aha! jauh lagi perjalanan. kau tak payah rush into things. it will come."
-both of them.

i say enjoy life as it comes!
come what may :)

maturity is always a factor i look for dear abg2's.
and you won't ever find me throwing myself at a guy's feet.
jangan risau ;)

aha. so yeah. relationships isn't a part of my life that i worry about.
if it comes, it comes.
if it doesn't, ahh go have fun exploring! ;)

haa but wtv it is, the moment i reach home i will make it a point to meet cg.
must must must meet!
because this problem of having this one person drain me of me is unbelievably getting out of hand.
and for once, i don't know how to handle this.
it pulls me back so deep inside that i am not capable of being a friend.
it annoys the hell out of me, irritates me, and just simply brings all the negative energy out when draining person is in sight.

i don't know how to handle this.
and it's pathetic.
sad really.

huah! xpe!
find a way to solve this, or get over this, or simply work my way around this, i will somehow find  a way.
and hopefully before sem starts.
or i'm gonna have another one hell of an emotional semester.
(not healthy)

ahh! papepon today made my day made my day made my day!
gembiraa di hari(uhh)sepuluh! ^^,

(diawal)haritujuh.

its only been what? six? seven hours since the last post.
haha! but! came across something heart warmingly touching (however possible that is), that yeap, here i am.

came across Jepp punya blog.
(Jepp btw adalah percussionist virtuoso bersama2 encik Am, juga merangkap vocalist temporary di kala hari2 practice. ahaa!)
and yeap, itu bond, itu chemistry isn't my imagination.
it's good to know someone else feels the same.
and blogs about it as well :D

so yeah, an excerpt if i may copy and paste ye jepp.
(if ever he comes across this blog)
hee (trimas!) ^^,

"Mula-mula sekali, especially since January up till May, or this upcoming June, aku nak berterima kasih kepada band yang aku join secara "tidak sengaja"; the greatest experience, the greatest moment, the greatest band... UTP Virtuoso. Terima kasih Cikgu Zaidin, terima kasih Encik Amat, terima kasih band mates yang semuanya hebat-hebat dan "otai" - acoustic guitarist Tan, lead guitarist Afik, gambus player Poi, bassist Dzq, drummer Pidus, percussionist merangkap vocalist Am, keyboardist Lina dan Annie, violinist YC dan Chun, para vocalist Ismal, Pain, Azie, Mekot dan Oliver... korang memang sesuatu yang indah pernah terjadi kat aku yang baru setahun jagung ni. Kasi gempak konvo tahun ni!"

-21st may '08 

=)

Stay -Estrella
(first song of the morning::melody comel!)

Sound straight from the twilight
Has me up all night
I can't fall asleep 'cause I keep thinking of you
And I saw a shadow outside my window and it's you.

[Chorus]
All my sorrows flew away
Hush, keep quiet, hear me say
I don't ever want you to go
Please stay
With the moonlight dancing free
And there's no one but you and me
There's no reason to go astray
Please stay.

Making up a story
It's the way you're looking at me
If you think that this is funny, it's just you.

Try and think about it,
If you're heart is closed don't lock,
Keep your keys back in your pocket,
Think this through.

[Chorus]

Please stay with me
Just stay with me
and I will take you to Foreverland
Just stay

"life is also about realizing your potential, and making the best out of it. break a leg!"

haha. perlu ke justify why i keep blogging about this.
(which doesn't mean everyone else is forgotten and they are what my life consists of entirely.
i've got a big heart! enough space for everyone ;))
ini kan one of my many outlets.

ahh. xperlu justify.

good day! :D

i keep having to count how many days i've been here.
too fast, too slow, time doesn't move constantly bila balek utp time cuti.
haha!

soooooo... (counting counting)

harienam!

slow slow slooooowww daay.

tiba masa practice ptg.
huaaa kak imi takde, so keyboardist bersendirian berhad la sy.
huhu.
cari notes for joget malaysia with major help from dzq serta afiq.
done! :D

tiba masa practice mlm.
oh mustikaaaa~ counting hampehs -_-" haha! but getting there!

tiba masa selepas practice mlm!
makan2 with kak imi and pain!
finally! girl time! :D

borak psal music intermingled with some gossips =P
seronok2.

so yeap, my first oh-i-am-blessed moment of the day.
dgr mereka2 borak psal virtuoso, dari dulu til now, made me thankful that i am here. so yeah, complain la at times that im missing hols and stuff, but really, i know as hell its worth it. WORTH IT :)

ahh and the people met! mereka adalah seronok!
and i've learned so much from em.
musically as well as other things juga. :D

so lepas makan kembali lah saye ke bilik.
dan online.
dan diteguri aspa.
yg start cite2 psal kamikitakawan.

ohh comel!!!

second i-am-blessed moment of the day!

ofcourse rindurindurindu mereka!
utp ain't the same without em.
(maka time periods without practice are filled with sleep serta movies)
blog dan tshirt?
mau mau!
(oooo, mse mule2 aku cadangkan tshirt takde org layan yee. haha!)

ahh! dikelilingi manusia2 comel!
hee :)
so you thank God every day for every thing and everyone He has blessed you with :)
for all who has crossed your path, is crossing and will soon cross, you should never fail to be thankful :)

huaaaaah!

harienam yg menarik! :D

finding home in a place far from home ;)

(sketching oleh aspa)

gnyt! :)

OH HAPPY BDAY AJIN!!!!

the first conversation i had for the day happened at 2116 hours.
well, sorta.

ikram text around 6 in the morning.
conversation was cut short cause i accidentally fell asleep.

afiq pm'ed sometime during lunch suruh bangun.
which coincidentally i was asleep.
well, i was watching erin brokovich and tertidur.
(tired, not becase cerita tu bosan. it was eye opening!)

and the rest of the day was filled with movies and sleeping.
and an occasional snack.
(which reminds me, i have yet to take my supplements plus melilea)

so came said conversation.
 mie called about some reunion i had no idea about.
and there you have it, i realized that for over 3/4 of the day i haven't said a single thing out loud.
i miss my voice xP

for over two months now, this has been the most unprogressive and the slowest day i have had.
best!
it's like taking a breather after moving so fast for so long.
tho yes, im bored outta my mind.
hihu :)

now im chatting with elyas about his day,
and aspa just gave me this website yg ade this challenging maze game thingy,
and abg poi sedang tanya pasal tomorrow's practice session,
(oh, btw today takde practice which is why my day cam sgt sangap)
and im in the middle of playing the maze game thingy in between blogging paragraphs,
singing my head off,
halfway through watching coyote ugly, which is now paused,
while waiting for afiq to come ambil megi and pass me my external back.

ahaha.

im in dire need of girlfriends.

or girl sister in other words, yan.

whichever. haha!

so yeah.

things-to-watch-while-im-here-in-perak list

greys anatomy season 4 episode 17 - done! SHE BUILT HIM THEIR BLUEPRINT FOR THEIR HOUSE USING CANDLES, and he freaking walked away. gaah! mau episode 18!

greys anatomy season 4 episode 16 - pending. ngeh. sape ade?

american idol finale - done! yeah. agak ketinggalan disini.

my best friend's wedding - done!

erin brockovich - done!

the ten - done!

coyote ugly - sedang~

the prince and me - pending. ive watched it a million times. but who knows, there might be a day where id feel like watching a chic flick :D

supersize me - pending. this is from ismal's external. (like most of the movies, trimas ismal!) have no idea wut its about.

michael clayton - pending.

the bucket list - pending.

and wtv else i find in my external.

haha!

ahh okay. should get started on the pile of clothing on my bed.

lipat lipat mari!

hoho. sudah kembali ke tanah panas terik terchenta.

extreme boredom in between practices would mean more blogging.
gile la. wi-fi laju gle kott. hueehehehe.

so anyway,
GILA enlightening day todaaay!

ade hikmah ayah prefer hantar balek today,
yan had tuition with cg kat rumah this morning,
so for brief moments, we got to talk.

Cg calls it the tonton (i have absolutely no idea how its spelt) syndrome.
tonton btw adalah those bear like thingies kat star wars, ek? kot la.
(gila kelaka spelling. cam tonton wayang. but then again who says that xP)
tonton syndrome - extreme dependency on someone else, loses all ability to function properly without said person in sight, can cause extreme drainage of emotional stability (mental juga mungkin haha!).

funny really.
maka!

promise 1: dont let it get to you! cg said something about keeping distances and trust dengan hati-hati. haha!

promise 2: set date to meet up with cg for a long long LONG minum2 session after the 18th. ajak yan.

promise 3: tell yan i love her. her standing up for me and agreeing with cg that i've changed for the better and to screw those who think otherwise was comel :) awww. annoying lil sister not so annoying anymore huh ;P

gaah~ i've forgotten how it feels to have someone who actually understands the crap you go through.

menarik2 :)

moving on to the second part of the day~

the overdued minum2 session with askar and afiq.
manusia2 retrodelic can inject passion in music to extreme heights.
sronok2! ^^,

promise 4: beli keyboard! cari melody lagu untuk retro!
find who i am! (as in musically..hehe)

when there are those who sees potential.
oh weaknesses mmg ada, banyak.
but amidst those weaknesses, they realize potential, ohh sgt overwhelming :)

promise 5: work on said weaknesses. boley! :D mari2 scaling~!

haha. sudah hilang train of thought.

ai ngan tuk!

gudnyt :)

hahaha! how exactly do you feel fermented?
pelik lah myspace ni. haha!

apparently a lot can happen in 8days.
lapan hari!
it seemed like ages ago arriving home from utp.
huhu!

revelations revelations revelations!

maka konklusi?

lin vows to resist all temptations!!
huaaa.
temptations perlu diresist so hearts dont break.
recurring pattern that happens too often.
cacat the fact that the same ppl fall prey.
saya dan dia huh?
ahh cerita lama.
but anywhoo, yeap!
resisting all temptations!
it shall forever remain (or for as long as i can muster), platonic.
on all three accounts.
esp with the one where comfort comes naturally.

second vow!
thou shalt not show discontent.
haha!
leave when necessary.
this sem cukup emotional turmoil.
next sem? leave.
leave, take a breather (or plenty), let it go, come back, smile!

ceria ceria =P
oh mataharii~ ;)

oh. lost my train of thought o.0"

im amused still by the idea of feeling fermented. =P

hehe.

oh. hello utp~

i was going through some definitions of the word tolerance.
and these are the few i like.

TOLERANCE

the quality of accepting other people's rights to their own opinions, beliefs, or actions.

the power of an organism to tolerate unfavorable environmental conditions.

 as humans we must learn to tolerate. is that not right?

learn to accept that things can't go our way all the time.
we live in a society where everyone else has rights and feelings, as humans we should learn to accomodate others as well.

it doesn't matter who you are, where you come from or who your parents are.
being kind to others, learning to tolerate one another is something we should all have regardless of who and what we are.

hasil nukilan manusia yang kena halau dr badminton court =P

haha! yeah. i've always said,

its not what you say, but how you say it.

gaah~ you post in articles, in newspapers that our youth lack moral sense.
oh lihatlah!
mereka yang lebih tua sometimes aren't better role models anyway.

there are ways to say things, to tegur.
 say it nicely! we would have understood.
and yeah, making faces and talking behind our backs wasn't very matured.
gaah maturity~
yang sepatutnya matured, tak langsung.

people with power often abuse it.

and those yg kena serpihan of those power act like they're on top of everyone else.

it doesn't matter who you are, having strong moral grounds is something each and everyone of us should have,
being kind is not just a must amongst ourselves, but to everyone regardless of who they are.

ntah. sedikit teguran. take it or leave it.
tp cam malu sikit kan?
i'm decades younger, possibly naive and definitely gullible (=P),
and here i am talking about morality and implying that justice be served =P
hahaha!

kelaka kelaka =P

it hasnt been our day huh cikdin.
dari halida ke badminton court asyik adeeee jee yang tak btol.

hahaha!

ohh. but saya sayang rakan2 saya!
made the best out of a crappy situation!
we had fun playing badminton and netball at the tennis court.
sumpaa bising gler =P

yeay us! ^^,

when life gives you lemons....food fight!!!
=P

"memperkenaaalkaaan!"

jangan malas ikiiin! kejaa bolaa hehe ;)

haa yes. good night! =)

2 more papers to go~!!

i should STOP. SCRATCHING.

STOP. SCRATCHING. CIK. LINA!!

gaaah~

the last time i had these kind of rashes was kawad kebangsaan all the way back in form 2. even then, it was a small teeny weeny patch of rashes on me left arm. it was gone by the time we were done kawad-ing.

yeah, anxiety rashes.

ini? what?
stress rashes?
it seems to be all over AND!
this itches LIKE MAD!

>.<

anyway,
(keeping the mind away from all the itchiness, ini sudah kadar melampau punya gatal nih!!!)

yesterday was interesting!

sy dikelilingi rakan2 yang comel =)
the fact that lina yang hilang was broadcasted all across gTalk was comel.
the fact that lina yang bosan was invited along to play sports was also comel.
that talk with dnaz from irc all the way to the clinic, from the clinic all the way to v2 about how lucky we were to have known each other, to have found this whole group of friends was very VERY enlightening.
yeap, sayang the whole lot of mereka. =)

rindu lepak ngan abg2 retrodelic ku!
the whole terserempak with mereka kat maple semlm was a omg i do miss em moment.
bila lagi nak borak psal pompuan, psal laki, psal virtuoso, psal sdeyh, psal myspace, psal music all in one go with them. hehe =P
yupyup rindu rindu =)

oh! i've found a place.
i've found that place right here in utp where i know i can run to to find solace and peace.
and just be with myself.
i've found my place!
hee =D

ahh okay. should start hitting the books! and continue to ignore the extreme itchiness -_-"

looking forward to the trip to the piano shop!
haaa hutang hutang sy! =P

selamat pagi duniaaa! =)