Its not that I don't want to blog anymore.  I've just been putting my energies elsewhere.

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Change...I'm trying to do a lot of it this year.

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I wish it would rain again. Big pouring buckets of rain. It makes everything so pretty, especially at night. I just want seasons again...I want it to reflect all the change I'm going through.

I’m feeling a little haunted lately. 

I’m gonna turn off the tv and enjoy the sunshine in my room awhile and think about things....like I always do.

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My landlord is trimming the avocado tree next to my door and he offered me some of the harvest he’s cut down. I’ve got eleven little avocados sitting in a bowl in kitchen, just waiting to ripen and be mashed into some lovely guacamole.

It is quiet in here and I can here the traffic down the hill, buses coming and going dropping off people and the wind is coming in through my window with the sunshine.

Maybe I’ll finally get a moment to figure things out. It’s been a hectic week and I’m headachy and nauseous from the tar fumes from work (they’re repairing a roof next to the museum and its noxious fumes permuate everything).

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There just doesn’t seem to be enough time anymore.

Being 28 is nice but strange sometimes. I wonder about...I wonder about looking back and looking forward and being in between.

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Gonna clean up my room a bit and go do some "ruminating", like the old folks say.

Last night was the first rain delayed baseball game I’ve ever been to. My friend and I sat in the rain, I in my poncho, he in his rain slicker and watched as the grounds crew did an amazingly quick job of covering over the field with tarps and such and later returned to watch them uncover it and pour fresh bags of dirt to dry up the ground.

Now if only they allowed people to do a huge slip and slide free for all on the tarp. That wouldve been a great way to entertain the crowd during the 45 minute wait. 

It was great sitting outdoors, thoroughly enjoying my hefenwiesen and chowing down on garlic fries and philly cheesesteak and yelling for my favorite plays and players.

What a great start to the season.

I have a lot of good things here in LA. I have my little life. I've moved so much its nice not having to uproot myself.

But I'm torn between wanting to stay here and see how my life will be like living in one place for awhile, and moving away to live somewhere else, see it all while I still can.

I'm afraid of venturing into the world alone, but restless staying in one place for so long.

I can't do both, so I'm...

I've always been someone who wants to do it all, and gets stuck between wanting two things I'm passionate about at once. 

How do I juggle a personal life, a social life, studying, and work at once? Oh and trying to figure out what do next for my job. 

Aaaaargh...its maddening sometimes. I've got a lot of good things going on in my life but I don't know how to manage them all. I want to manage them all, I want to be able to enjoy them all. I don't want to feel like when if I've been devoting time to one that I'm missing out on another.

I skipped out on going to Disneyland today because 1) I worked a full day (and spent most of the past week and half prepping for Lantern Festival for my job at CAM and I really wanted my down time, and 2) last week I've neglected my reading for class in favor of hanging out with friends from out of town and personal stuff and I need to catch up.  I really regret not going. I mean I gave up a fun day to studying for a class I'm receiving no credit for and lord knows how this will help me get a job, that I'm really just taking to see if I could hang with going to grad school. 

So far I'm not doing well in my personal life or my studying.

And sure I could always go have fun later, but with the way my friends are feeling, I want to have my fun now before they all get it in their heads that they're old and don't want to do those things anymore. I want to be young while I still can. I want to be with my friends while I still can before they all settle down and we get pulled apart further.

Life's too long to live with regrets, even the small ones.  I need help in doing it all, juggling it all, enjoying it all. 

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ARGH

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I don't need to be deliriously happy all the time, but I wouldn't mind being satisfied or even content.

It was a nice weekend. I got to go, all dolled up in a dress (a rare occasion for me), to the Magic Castle for a dinner and a show. It was kinda neat, the shows tho filled were still pretty intimate. Two of my party ended up being picked to be assistants during two of the shows.  Althought its a little cheesy, I have to admit I enjoyed myself, and I'd recommend you go there just to experience it at least once.  Something different on a Friday night.  Spent the rest of the weekend enjoying the weather outdoors - absolutely gorgeous after being sick on again and off again since the beginning of January (and no I'm not exaggerating. I was sick at least a week at a time) - Chinatown's Lunar New Year Parade and Festival, hanging out at the Santa Monica Pier, eating some super large portions of barbeque at King's Barbeque on Figueroa and Sunset.

I even managed to get most of my reading done for class.

No inner philosophizing today, just brief update.

Got some studying in for class. Made up with my friend. Cooked up a good pot of gumbo for my folks. Found three friends who are interested in going for intro skiiing lessons.

It was a good weekend for me.

I'll be limiting my social time from now until May so I can prep for class. Through trial and error of the first two weeks, I figured out it takes me most of my week and weekend free time that I have to read and work on the assignment.  I don't know how you working professionals do it - combine a full time job with class - but I give you props for juggling it all.

Now if I could just figure out how to keep excersizing thru all of this...