tapos na recital.. thank GOD..

at last.. i've got nothing much to worry about.. but atleast i have to keep myself busy.. para naman hindi ko maisip si tart.. hai.. si tart.. lagi nalang si tart..

maybe that's the first step.. to not call him tart but arvin.. yun naman ang name niya eh.. i dunno.. maybe i should move on perhaps.. actually.. i dunno whether to move on or to stay on the same ground. which is which??

whatever path i take naman i know that people will cheer me up.. so siguro para hindi masayang mga pinaghirapan nila sa akin.. i'll keep up nalang with them..

atleast i think that'll be the best move i'll make..

i still miss my tart.

i really dont know how to do this.. tatangalin ko lang naman siya sa sistema ko.. dapat madali lang gawn yun pero hirap parin ako.. i know that what he did was for the good.. for the sake of our relationsship, us, and the people around us.. but i still can't magae to get him off my mind.. most especially kapag mag-isa lang ako. which, in this term, is kinda like: ALWAYS..

i miss him... that's why i want to avoid him.. kasi feel ko mas mahihirapan lang ako kapag parati ko siyang nakikita. but bakit ganun.. i want to avoid him kaso yung feeling, gutsong gusto ko na siyang makita... ironic, but true.. yung tipong gusto mo na ayaw mo.. i miss him, kahit bawal..

hai.. is this reality na talaga...parang i wanna pretend that this is all a dream... and if in case dream lang lahat ng ito, sana gisingin na ako.. this is my baddest dream ever in my entire life..

 i miss my tart.. buong summer hindi kami ng text... and i thought that we would sail smoothly even beyond those circumstances. pero our boat sank.. wah.. drowning me slowly.. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... i hate my life.... i'm always left to be alone.. siguro, i should concentrate more on one thing.. STUDY....

-------i miss my arvin still-------

grabe.. i'm missing a lot lately..

i miss  my highschool friends..my blockmates..my barkada..purefresh...driveway..and AF1-1FA.. i miss everyone.. for a fact na gusto ko na talag sila makita..

i miss my best friends.. close friends perhaps... and i really miss my boyfriend a lot..

hai grabe.. sana pasukan na uli.. although i waould not be able to see them all atleast i would be able to see some of them..

hai..

i am still bored at home!!

i dunno if it's in the date or whatever.. no offensement to my boyfriend but i am feeling kinda lonely today.. i feel like this is the loneliest day ever of my life.. maybe because he's not texting or even calling me.. i dunno.. i just feel lonely..

but on the other hand.. i feel like doing something.. i got inspired by what i was watching on the television.. and perhaps, the movie A Walk To Remember.. :) the only difference i would want to make is: I WON"T DIE.. i want to do these things may be before i get married or something.. :P hehehe

1.  i want to learn how to bake a cake.. :P ( i want to learn how to bake a chocolate cake and eat it with someone special.. :)

2. i want to learn how to ice-skate.. and i wanna be able to ice-skate even at the mall.. it doesn't matter where..for as long as i am with that same special someone.. :P

3. i want to ride the roller coaster and all those frightning rides.. :)

4. i want my special someone to be able to force me to like drinking sodas!! :) hehehe...

5. i want to walk barefoot on whitesand.. watch the sun set by the sea.. and stay there for the night with bonfire keeping me warm..

6. i want to be able to go mountain climbing.. :P

7. i want to be able to cruise.. :P

8. i want to be able to experience snow.. :P

i want to do all above with my special someone.. may be before he will ask me to marry him?? hehehe.. :P watta dream.. :P but i am serious about it.. :) io want to feel what the character of Mandy Moore felt when her special guy did all her dreams without her realizing that he was fulfilling her dreams.. :P  .. hehehe..  .. but i dunno.. may be.. when the right guy comes.. i would know.. because may be.. he would be the first guy interested to ask what my dreams are made of.. :P hehehe.. :)

these are what MY DREAMS are made of..

Gosh.. i am so bored na.. and i really cant stand the heat.. sobrang init sa bahay.. :( well anyways.. nagkaload narin ako sa wakas.. and i got to check my friends, text them and ask them if they're okay.. :)

well anyways.. im kinda sad in a way today.. because i have been rejected.. not busted.. rejected.. hindi naman ng guy eh.. nakakainis kasi, i have let my pride down to say sorry even though i know i have done no wrong.. nag sorry na ako dun sa mga tao na ang tingin sa akin eh kaaway and yun.. parang, i exerted some effort para naman mabalik ang nasirang friendship.. pero yung isa.. nagreply and sabi she's not interested with talking to me at anyway.. and yung dalwa.. they hevent replied so far.. and parang wala silang pake kahit nag sorry na ako..  :(  ...

hai.. i think wala na akong magagawa.. eh sa ayaw nila ng friendship with me eh.. :( hai.. i lost three friends.. how sad.. :(

well anyways.. i still got a bunch of friends panaman eh.. nakakapanghinayang lang talaga.. life won't ever be the same without them though.. :( hai.. bahala na nga lang sila sa buhay nila.. basta ako.. i showed na my efforts.. :) and i gave na my best to regain what have been lost.. :) so clear consience na ako.. :P hehehehe..

till here.. God Bless..

ano ba kasing klaseng buhay toh.. hindi ko naman hinihiling na pag aralin pa nila ako for summer ah.. ang akin lang naman gusto ko sana makapag summer.. eh sa ayaw naman nila.. anu pa nga ba ang magagawa ko.. hindi naman kasi ako yung nagbabayad ng tuition ko diba.. so okay lang.. pwede na.. kahit wag na.. sige nalang.. hindi ko naman ipinagpipilitan ang sarili ko for summer.. pero bakit ganun.. bakit ako kelangan sigawan.. parang kasalanan ko pa ngayon na hindi ako nakapag enroll para sa summer eh.. pati yung bali bali kong buto sa paa sinisisi nila.. so what.. sila kaya ang madulas sa batuhan tsaka sa marble.. yung tipong kakalas na yung knee cap mo.. hindi ba masakit yun.. madapa sana sila para madanas nila yung sakit ng tuhod ko na nadaranas ko.. lecheng buhay ito.. bakit ba kasi ganito pamilya ko.. nakakainis.. wala na talaga ang gana sa bahay na ito.. kung pwede ko nga lang iluwa lahat ng pagkain na ipinapakain nila sa akin iluluwa ko na eh..

sabi sa akin ng ate ko, yung mga kabatch ko daw naasar sa akin kasi napaka papampam ko daw lalu na nung hs pa ako.. siguro hanggang ngayon papampam parin ang turing sa akin ng ibang mga tao.. nakakainis.. yung iba feel nila maghusga.. hindi naman nila kilala yung taong hinuhusgahan nila.. pero ako.. kilala ko na kasi yung parents ko eh.. and alam ko na yung ugali nila hinding hindi na magbabago.. so ngayon... alam ko na never nilang sisisihin ang mga sarili nila kapag may maling nangyari..

bahala na nga lang.. nakakainis na dito eh.. wala naman na akong ginawang tama... palagi naman.. hindi na bago yun.. naaawa at ilang beses man ako maawa sa sarili ko wala ring magagawa yun.. ganito na eh.. and wala nang magbabago... ikukulong ko nalang uli ang sarili ko dito sa bahay.. papaalipin sa mga walang kwentang kapamilya...

wattalyf

I HATE MY PARENTS!! LECHENG BAHAY TOH..

they aren't spending anything on me.. then what.. hindi ako pwede mag aral ng summer dahil wala silang pera?? God Damn it!! where on hell do they spend our money on??? my tuition fees are paid by my mother's office and my educational plan... my books are sometimes refunded...i dont ask for new apparels..and my daily allowance is P200... THEY DONT SPEND ANYTHING FOR ME AT ALL... compared to my sister... who keeps on asking for a new celLphone then gets the latest one.. my sister who's tuition is paid by my mother for 25k a month.. my sister who had an ipod given to her.. my sister who has an allowance of 250.. my sister who gets the chance to have a new set of clothes a week..everything MY SISTER ASKS SHE GETS!! EVERYTHING EVEN THOUGH IT CONCERNS A HECK OF MONEY.. AND NOW SHE GOT A CREDIT CARD... AND WHAT ABOUT ME?? NONE.. is this where our money goes?? SOLELY TO MY SISTER!!!

this house is greatly unfair!! UNFAIR TO ME!!ESPECIALLY TO ME!!! i dont get to choose the food i eat, the course i'll study and the electronics i want.. and now what??!! i dont get the chance to study for summer??!!! I JUST WANT TO STUDY AND LEARN SOMETHING.. and even this is forbidden in this house.. all i got to do is to stuck my butt in this empty stinking place and obey whatever they ask me to do.. DAMN MY PARENTS.. DAMN THIS HOUSE!! if only i have the enough money to be able to live all by myself i would... i'd rather move out than stay a little more munite in this hell...

WHATEVER!!!!

finally..nakagawa narin ako ng blog!! kasi naman.. kay tagal ko nang inaasam asam ang makagawa ng blog!! :) napaka desperate ba ng dating.. well.. mejo ganun na nga yung feeling..

anyways...i dont feel this year's summer.. andaming changes kasi.. most especially in my studies.. i had to take summer classes now.. and this will be my very first time that i am going to spend my summer days inside the school campus.. i'm kinda tired of what we do in school. most especially now im in college.. ITS HARD TO GO TO COLLEGE.. and not that i'm boustful about it, but i do study at De La Salle University Manila.. it's a trimestral system!! the teaching goes very fast!! and it's hard to wake up early in the morning then go to school without even eating your breakfast!! it's like - am i going to learn something with an empty stomach?... hai... i'm taking up an Engineering Course that is kinda not my prefered course in the first place.. i just stayed in this course because it is a CHALLENGE!! whew.. but as each day pass by, my challenge is getting bigger and bigger than usual.. all of my friends say that i should go and shift to a lighter course. a journalism course perhaps.. they say i could be more efficient there.. but i dont want to move out from my eng building.. i love the people there.. although some are kinda tough on me.. i dont actually care about the people.. i care about MY GRADES!! gosh..

yesterday... i just got my third term's course cards.. and i failed both my calculus and my chemistry subjects.. gosh. i flanked two subjects!! and i cant blame anybody else but myself.. i hate it.. i feel that I AM SUCH A FAILURE!! now i need to hide this burden from my parents cause if not, they are gonna hurt me.. watta life..and since i had to hide this from my parents, i also have to pretend that i passed the subjects.. however, i had to take it all over again.. and i need to do that without the knowledge of my parents... so in short.. i have to send myself in school.. as in tuition myself in some subjects and all those stuff..

gee.. i feel like i really am not getting younger... i can already feel my veins going out of my body!!..and i am just 17!! whew.. then again.. watta life!!

i wish that my friends.. as in HIGHSCHOOL friends are beside me.. i really miss them so so much..i guess that is what i lack in school.. the true friends that i can approach in times of trouble.. well.. now i have 1.. that's sam..

hai buhay.. now what am i going to do with my life.. i think i'm gonna kill myself till i save the sufficient money needed for my tuition.. hai...

well i guess this would be the end.. so long.

FINALLY!! a BLOG AT LAST..