" He had his own thing and I had mine and suddenly we realized, we were just two different people in a relationship that had already outlived it's time. ............................" To all of those who think that i'm still into him,for those who expect me to still be heartbroken,to those who won't buy when i give them a nonchallant answer like"we just grew up and grew apart", to all of those who expect a more colorful reason or a more empassioned answer...uhmmmmm..... i'm sorry but the entire assumption is not exactly accurate. there are still a lot of experiences more worthy of my tears! Now don't get me wrong. He's happy ( i assume ) and i'm happy very happy with my life right now.....and MOVING ON........................................ I would never know if it hurt him as much as it almost destroyed me, but I knew it must have worked. Because I’m okay now. Tears no longer fall when I talk or write about him. Tears have been replaced by a smile of appreciation over the experience. I don’t know when exactly it happened, when exactly i finally called him back as "my friend". I just realized that now, I’m truly happy for him......

I was going through my things just this morning. My room was desperately needing some major attention. I started by picking up the odd piece of clothing, paper, book, toys (yes, I still have toys), putting each in its niche and tidying up the floor or rather what I had left of it. It’s amazing what one can accumulate in just a span of a few days and I haven’t really made much effort in keeping the room tidy for at least a month.It’s a cool thing, having a room of your own. It’s like your own little world. Here, you call the shots. My source of solace and solitude. I close my door and I’m safe. And so, in the solitude I pick up the reminders of my life........The perfume set can,the can I picked up contains my memories. I never meant to linger. I was just going to put some photos of my exes in this can of shame. You see, this can contains old love letters from the men,actually two ,in my life who left me. ............ It is more of a reminder of my failures so to speak. Though I know I cannot be perfect, it is a reminder of how, at some point in time, I was not enough. Breakups are totally debilitating to the ego. They make you feel less. And in this can, I see so much mistakes I’ve made. The contents of this can go back for years....well,years of .................nevermind!Not my ego, not just yet. It’s funny how old reminiscences still have some potency and crisp clarity. It must probably be some totally fantastic remembrance or some totally tragic circumstance. Yet some are just as soft as the murmur of a whisper yet just as moving. I heard of some people returning and even burning their letters. That doesn’t work for me. For some, it makes it easier to let go and move on. But I guess that’s not for me. It’s true you know, you can’t go forward without accepting your past. It makes a difference knowing where you’ve come from. How much you’ve change, or how much you haven’t. This can gives me something to push off from. And from where I am it gives me an idea of where to go. As I pick up the emotional clutter in my life, moving on, not necessarily moving forward. But, rather, just moving. It begins to mean something, “the journey” being more important than the “destination”. Living life and experiencing all of it, including the lows. I guess you can’t really say you’ve lived until you’ve almost died. It has made me a better woman, I think, I hope, it damn well had better after all that. It is better to have loved and lost, coz somehow, sometime, somewhere, you just might win. And it will have been worth.....................................

Open the window Let the sunset in If only for the last time Let me see you smile again I'll take my records You can have your books I'm sorry I never read them But it says so much about us Always trying To make love out of care The perfect recipe But something wasn't there Sunrays and Saturdays Perfect starry nights Sweet dreams and moonbeams And a love that's warm and bright Sunrays and Saturdays Friendship strong and true Oceans of blue and a room with a view To live the life you choose You'll write me letters I'll call you on the phone A wire away from touching And never quite alone We'll get to know ourselves again And we'll heal our hearts It's not that we're bad together We're just better off apart Always trying To have one and one make two And even though it never worked I still feel love for you

I can still remember the day we met. Nothing special about that day. It was rather drab, dreary and gray. But who'd have known that I'd meet you on that day. Up to now, it's still a big mystery on my part on what it was with you that had me so attracted. Perhaps it was your eyes, two clear mirrors of emotions. Or maybe its just the way you play JOhn Mayer's songs with your guitar that always dazzled me. Well, whatever it was, I knew from the moment I saw you that I was hooked. I thought that that was it. Just another crush to add to my list.But no, It wasn't .Everything wasn't that simple. You know what, you should have seen me, my reaction whenever you'd pass by me. A simple gesture and it was enough to make my heart somersault and do series of cartwheels in my chest. It was enough to send me screaming, shouting a tirade of words, telling everyone, the whole world, how cute you were, that this time, you did look at me, even smiled at me. Pathetic? I guess so. But it was enough to make my day. ........................ forward......... forward...........forward It's already 4:00 am in the morning. I should be sleeping by now, tired of all the activities and flurries of last night's dance. But I'm not. Instead, I'm here lying in my bed, writing this stuff, listening to the sounds created by the kitchen staffs( theyre all asleep by the way). On any ordinary bedtime, their noise would have irritated me. But this morning's different. Last night's memory is still fresh on my mind. The memory of you, of the brief, magical moment we shared last night. And as the noise continued, my eyes took on a glazed look as I slowly played the events in my mind, not just of last night, but also of a lifetime. the dance night story: Then came the dance night. Of course you were there, looking exceptionally good with your polo and you wearing my cap. Almost everyone else were starting to get cozy on the dance floor. I was just sitting down next to you contented to look at the campers dancing, wondering if like me, they too wanted the night to never end. Then a familiar song filled the room,The music was soft, mellow and terribly inviting.....It's my favorite song!Wordlessly we both walked to the dance floor.We talked while dancing with your hands terribly shaking.Then, the song ended, and along with it,the dance.I admit part of me had wanted that song and dance to last forever.The dance conveyed a thousand messages.It helped me put the past to rest. Thank you for making me feel special that night!

Over time, I've been building my castle of love Just for two, though you never knew you were my reason I've gone much too far for you now to say That I've got to throw my castle away Over dreams, I have picked out a perfect come true Though you never knew it was of you I've been dreaming The sandman has come from too far away For you to say come back some other day And though you don't believe that they do They do come true For did my dreams Come true when I looked at you And maybe too, if you would believe You too might be Overjoyed, over loved, over me Over hearts, I have painfully turned every stone Just to find, I had found what I've searched to discover I've come much too far for me now to find The love that I've sought can never be mine And though you don't believe that they do They do come true For did my dreams Come true when I looked at you And maybe too, if you would believe You too might be Overjoyed, over loved, over me And though the odds say improbable What do they know For in romance All true love needs is a chance And maybe with a chance you will find You too like I Overjoyed, over loved, over you, over you [

I know not for which fate is worse: to have not opened my heart at all or to have loved and lost someone as I did. There is one thing I know though. Loving him was a sweet misery. I loved him as I love life itself, but I was certain that I would never be in his arms for he longs to hold another. I have resigned to the fact that I shall be with him only in my dreams. He once came into my loneliness and stirred the passion in my heart from its disturbed slumber. He was the beautiful sun, which rose for me on that beautiful morning of a new day of my life. His existence was enough reason for me to be born and entrusted to this void we call our world.I was hurt, maybe I still am. I thought I would never fall in love again. I was scared and lost my trust in love because it brought me nothing but despair. I knew that the glory of that morning would not last. For it must give way to nighttime, when the beautiful sun, which had heralded the coming of a new day, would become my pitiless tormentor. My affection for him then was my own passion. He was my cruel tyrant. Well perhaps loving him was like writing poetry: creating a thing of beauty, a heart's song, yet a song I was afraid to sing, for my balled might be mocked and my love rejected. Nonetheless, life itself is short and passing. No matter what happened, I have learned not to let my song to the grave. I can only be nothing but hopeful. Maybe my love for him will someday fade with the setting of the sun. But until such time when I will no longer be a slave of my own passion, I shall continue to master the art of letting go. There can be nothing more apt than this. tnx tingkerbell!

Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside You will never measure up, to those people you Must be strong, can't show them that you're weak Have you ever told someone something That's far from the truth Let them know that you're okay Just to make them stop All the wondering, and questions they may have I'm okay, I really am now Just needed some time, to figure things out Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you Still we don't know what's yet to come Have you ever seen your face, In a mirror there's a smile But inside you're just a mess, You feel far from good Need to hide, 'cos they'd never understand Have you ever had this wish, of being Somewhere else To let go of your disguise, all your worries too And from that moment, then you see things clear Are you waiting for the day when your pain will disappear when you know that it's not true what they say about you you could not care less about the things surrounding you ignoring all the voices from the walls