Do you ever wonder if you made different decisions and walked down a different path if you would have different memories with friends that walked down a different path than you? It is a feeling of sadness when you realize that your friendships have slipped away from you.. I miss the fun times we had, and the fun times we could have had... I wish we were still close, I wish we had never drifted apart. Now I'm here and you are somewhere else... I hope we reconnect some day I've felt pretty hopeless before about my friends drifting away from me and somehow magically I've found them again... so there's hope... :)

When did everything spiral out of control? When did love become chains bound too tightlly around your wrists and neck? When did something beautiful ignite and set afire choking you out with hateful smoke and causing tears to drip from your eyes? I thought I was loved. You don't love someone like that. You don't hold them back from being a person. You don't say such horrid, wretched heart demolishing things and expect to be loved in return. It's really hard to remember that love is ONLY an emotion. I try so hard not to let emotions rule my thinking. I just wanna know how it got here. How it got from watching sunsets and kissing eachother deeply in love and staring into eachothers eyes discovering one another's body in the moonlight, to taking the word love so lightly and trying so diligently to rip me to shreds emotionally, mentally, and physically. When did it become okay for you to say those horrible things to me? Never. No one will change my plans or demolish my future. No matter how much I love them. It's not okay to treat me like this. Only when I feel the pain of the fire on my hand, and leave my hand there to feel the pain, and burn me incessantly, tearing me apart and breaking me, you will never realize how long my hand has been in the fire. And now I am completely engulfed but you fail to see that this is me at my weakest... Love is the enemy. Love will tear you apart.

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It's funny. When everyone else hated myspace, I was like "i need it for communication! its not that bad!" Now everyone that felt that way is addicted to myspace... and I'm completely fucking over it. I'm also completely over humans in general. The only people I consider my friends embrace the fact that we are aliens, and humans are a pathetic breed of existence that is closest to the breed that is called flies. Humans can't be comfortable being sober, everyone has to get fucked up to socialize, and considers laughing and making others laugh "immature." Sorry, but laughing is the only true fucking medicine. I finally realized that I am not crazy, but everyone else is a fucking lunatic. Anyone that thinks they can judge someone on first meeting them and not even having a conversation with that person is a nigger. [not discriminating against black people, saying that any race, any breed can be a nigger. I know a lot of white niggers.] People that act like they are someone's friends and can't even fucking stand up for that so-called friend is a fucking piece of shit... Alongside with the people that change their points of views, or opinions, or anything about themselves to make things go smoother with the people around them or to "fit in" with the shitty scumbags around them because being a piece of shit is now totally cool. I also hate the people who act like they are one way, or claim to be something, but totally disown the belief system of that genre of human, so basically its all for the IMAGE, talent is not something you can buy, and it is definitely not corporate machine. It comes from inside of you. So in other words, there is hardly a human that does not fit this list. Let alone the liars, cheaters, back stabbers, thiefs, and people that can't talk about anything original, but have to create a verbal record of someone else's life. pathetic. Get a fucking personality already and quit trying to mismatch it to make it seem like you fit in. It's disgusting. 

And then I realize you make me sing, and all those words are about you.
Its enough to make me want to die, the comedown. I remember happiness, I don't think it was ever real, but those words made me happy.
Happiness is a drug, it feels great when you're high, but the comedown is enough to make you step off a cliff. I see no difference between happiness and euphoria. I'm slowly learning that love is only an emotion. I wish there was a magic pill to take away all your emotions. I know what you said and thats all that matters. It still tears me in half and I choke on burning embers and cinders trying to breathe when I can't, and I suffocate and the smoke kills me... but I ignore it and smile. I had detoxed but something always drags me back.

All there bitches is easy and sleazy and what they don't realize is they're just a quick lay, they think having sex means those guys are actually interested. Haha

This may be all I post anymore, but I don't care. I wanna keep track of it because it's kind of scary... and pretty much dead on. Damn mercury.

Muse, you can only be seen through the glass. When I feel like the winner I am most often the loser for real.
I really don't understand what makes me tick, but I laugh at how I'm inspired.



  Aquarius