(This blog was first posted as a note on facebook)


1. I used to pray to grow up to be 6' 4" tall when I was a little
kid...I thought things were going well, when I was 5' 9" going into
High School...But I've spent the last 11 years at 5' 10" So I don't
think Imma make it...



2. I have over 50 1st, 2nd, and 3rd cousins (only counting my Dad's side of the fam)



3. I was, am, and forever will be a huge MC Hammer fan…and I hate how he became a punch line



4. When someone disagrees with something I say, I always think in my
head…that they must not understand what I’m saying, because if they
did, they would agree with me



5. I was bullied in 2nd grade, but the rest of grade school, I bullied
other people around. Never once, however, did I ever have to get into a
fight to do so



6. My memory is weird. I do not remember movies, music videos, events,
parties, or too many specific occurrences at all, that occurred longer
than 5 months ago. But I do remember everything that people do or say,
that I feel define who/how they are as a human being, I remember how I
felt myself, and how I felt about other people during a past occurrence
(if I am reminded of it), I randomly remember song lyrics if I can use
them for a situational comedic laugh, etc etc



7. On average I spend 10 hours a day, at least 6 days a week, either
Listening to, reading about, watching, or playing Sports (or something
very closely related to it)



8. I have never purchased or nor worn a pair of Nike’s in my life. The
only Nike products I have ever worn either have a Longhorn or Dallas
Cowboy Logo on it. I'm an Adidas man.



9. I have never had, and still don’t really know how to use an IPod



10. If I think someone or something is kinda cool/decent…and the
majority of everyone else thinks that same person/thing is the greatest
thing ever, I subconsciously turn on that person or thing, and start to
hate it.



11. I hate keeping up with a camera and being the one taking pictures,
but I like being in pictures, and I love looking at pictures. It kick
starts my weird memory.



12. I over concentrate when doing the simplest things (like taking
stairs) if I am not alone. I refuse to let any personal carelessness
turn into a source comedy for someone else.



13. I am impatient. I don’t like waiting for things to get started or
waiting on other people. One of the ways I cope with this
(subconsciously) is to be slightly late to everything, but not late
enough to where it makes any significant difference.



14. I miss the simple-ness and innocence of childhood, and I hate how
everyone, including myself is tainted by our society sometime between
age 14 and 24.



15. I always have wondered who would care, what would happen, what
people would do, and what people would say if I had an early untimely
death.



16. I get sick about once every other year. I missed 9 days of school total, K-12th



17. I have gone to sleep (not including the rare short nap) before midnight, about 20 times, since I was 13.



18. The only things, aesthetically, that I have never been insecure
about is my smile, my hair, and my skin complexion (not too dark, not
too light…it’s just right!)



19. In grade school I was a class clown, but now (subconsciously) I
only get in the mood to joke around, with people I am comfortable with
& that I don’t think are using me, exclusively for laughs.



20. I like dressing up, and it kinda bothers me when people complain
about putting on a shirt with buttons or when people complain about not
being in jeans n flip flops.



21. I love watching movies and going to the movie theatre, but out of
everyone I know, I have seen the fewest amount of movies by far (and
most the ones I have seen, I do not remember what they were about).



22. I am a dedicated/committed kinda guy. Once I like something, I am a
fan for life. I am hesitant to give certain things, (TV shows for
example), a try…because I know that if I like it, I’m hooked.



23. I love to dance to Rap music, but at home I listen to (older) R&B almost exclusively



24. Socially, I feed off of other people’s energy and their vibe. If
they are friendly, or having fun, or dancing, etc etc etc…then it makes
me feel good, and I want to take things to the next level of greatness.
If the vibe is blah or bad, then I am of no use & I go into a shell
and wish I was at home. I specialize in making the most out of what’s
there, turning good into great, NOT turning nothing into something, or
bad into decent.



25. I am not a risk taker. I do what I can do to make the odds in my
favor as much as possible. I try to do things that have a high
percentage of success. If neither of the previous is a possibility,
then I don’t do it. I am used to the vast majority of everything I do,
working out well/looking good/being a success. I have no time for
failure.







Do we share any characteristics? Similarities? Differences?
Let me know

~ComplexSimplicity~

The Answer

I am shocked and amazed at how often I get this question.  It doesn't matter if I just met the person, or if I have known them for ten years, I still get this question.  It doesn't matter how I answer the question (to someone I just met or to someone I have known for yrs), 3 months later I'll either be treated like we never had this conversation before or I'll be asked the question all over again.

Historically, I have shied away from going into to much detail on this topic because
1. It takes too much time
2. It changes the mood of the social environment
3. Unfortunately what I have learned as an adult is, what I say doesn't change or impact what other people think or do hardly at all…so why waste my energy?
4. I have been asked this question (or this topic has come up) more often than all other questions in my life combined, and I HATE repeating myself, so instead of pissing myself off, by addressing this topic for the 100th time, I brush off the topic

The Question:
"Steven, why don't you drink?"

Most of the time this question is asked in "I don't believe you" "I can't believe it" or a "What's wrong with you" kinda tone…which amazes/annoys me because:
1. If you have known me for a minute, you should believe me, since I am the most honest person you know
Or
2. Its sad that in our society, choosing not to do something that:
    a. you don't need to do
    b. there is no natural urge to do
    c. no one forces you to do
    d. we all have gone (and enjoyed) 15-20 years without doing

is so rare that it's "unbelievable"

 

People look at me when I say " I don't drink", like its equivalent to me saying "I don't eat solid food" or "I don't shower".
I just don't get it.

I have always told myself and even some of the people that have asked me this question before, that one day I will write out the full reason why I chose not to drink.  Today is that Day. 
The Answer (in no particular prioritized order) is as follows:

*Disclaimer*
There is a 99% chance, that if you are reading this, you drink.  I am not trying to "judge you", offend you, nor do I think that drinking at all in itself is wrong (if you aren't breaking any laws).  I do hope that the following changes your opinion/actions so they are more inline with mine, but I don't anticipate it.

I do not drink, I have never drank, and never intend on ever drinking any alcoholic beverage because:

1. When I was in the first grade, my favorite uncle (because the only adult male, besides my father, that I was comfortable around and played games with me (at that age, I didn't like anyone's dad, because "they were the mean disciplinarian" while moms were nice)) was killed by a drunk driver.  This was the first time death touched my life, and I was crushed by this loss.

If you don't drink, you can't be a drunk driver

2. When I was in the second or third grade, I was in a car wreck in my Dad's new truck, in which we were hit by an uninsured drunk driver.  This wreck left me on a stiff board and in a neck brace, for hours and hours in a hospital while tests were being run on me & while we were waiting on results.  I suffered no serious injury, but the torture of having to stay motionless and stare at the ceiling for hours, not knowing if I was OK or not, left a strong impression on me

If you don't drink, you can't be a drunk driver

3. Everyone that I know that drinks, at some point in their life, have driven drunk before, or still regularly drive drunk, to this day.  After the above experiences, I refuse to do what murdered my uncle and almost paralyzed me.

4. It is in my personality to rebel against/ do the opposite of/hate
Anything that I think is over-rated, over hyped, over talked about, or over done (unless I, myself, independently, were one of the first ones over rating/hyping/doing it)

Drinking is all 4 (over rated, over hyped, over talked about, and over done)

It baffles me how in college, most parties were rated on not how many people were there, not on how many hot girls/guys were there, not how good the DJ/music was, not how cool the scene was, but on how many "kegs" were there/
"Jonny, you should have been at Bobby's party last night, it was a three kegger!!!"
WTF is that?

I just don't comprehend how something , you never needed when you were younger…how something you used to never have that you never missed… how something you used to not have to use, in order to have fun/enjoy life
Can, between the ages of 14-24, turn into the sole foundation of fun and social life for everyone, on earth.  That's mind boggling to me, so I rebel against it

5. I have battled the scale, up and down, my whole life, and I can't afford to add empty calories to my diet.  I mean, I am a person who, 7 years ago, drank half a gallon of Kool-Aid a day, drank half a gallon of soda a day (as well as other poor eating habits)  Now I drink a gallon of water a day and low calorie Propel/Crystal Lite most of the time. I eat turkey, chicken and fish 75% of the time, and I only drink about 20oz of soda per month,   What sense does it make, to take 2 steps back, and regress to my 2001 calorie intake, by drinking alcohol as much as the normal 25yr old does?

6. I would not call myself cheap, but I am frugal.  I just can't wrap my head around how much people spend on alcohol, and how much drinks cost at the bar/club/restaurant.  I am not too far removed from college, where people made 20dollars stretch into a weeks worth of food.  So, knowing that spending 20dollars on alcohol in a night, is an inexpensive night, seems crazy.  I mean you can eat full meals for the cost of some 4-12oz alcoholic drinks (that, alone, won't satisfy your thirst or your craving for a buzz) and that just doesn't logically add up, to me

7. I am not the most religious person in the world, and I do have personality flaws that are not Christian like, but one thing I promised myself in college, was that even If I am not going to seriously obsess myself with becoming more Christ Like/ closer to sin free, then at the very least, I would try my best not to ADD to the list of shortcomings I have or types of sins I commit.

I know drinking, in itself, is not a sin, but getting drunk is a sin (see Proverbs or Ephesians or Romans) and addiction is a sin as well (the Bible talks self-control, self regulation, not putting to much importance on not essential things and not allowing yourself to be a slave to anything/one… in multiple places).  Everyone I know that drinks, has gotten drunk, or purposely tries to get drunk (on certain occasions) and the majority of people I know that drink are addicted to it.  No, no, no…not all of them are addicted like alcoholic addicted, but they are addicted in a sense (because they can't watch the ball game without a beer…or they can't have fun/go out/dance without a few drinks first….they are addicted to having a drink in their hand to relax. That, to me is habitual dependence/use/reliance on something you don't need, which is my definition of addiction)

8. I am a first born, with two younger sisters, so most of my life, I have tried to live a good example for them, I have tried to be an example that it is possible to:
   a. not have to act reckless like everyone else, to have fun.
   b. not have to talk crazy like everyone else, to be funny or get your point across
   c. not have to look like everyone else, to look good be accepted
   d. not have to drink or get high, like everyone else, to have fun/relax

Unfortunately, me practicing what I preach, and being a good example for them, hasn't made as much a difference as I hoped, but at least I can look myself in the mirror and be proud.

9. I am of the belief that if the only reason you have to do something is
"because its fun"
"because it feels good"
"because I can"
Or
"because everyone else is doing it"
 then 999 times out of 1000, that is something you shouldn't do.

Medically, red wine (coincidentally the only alcohol Jesus drank) is the only alcohol that has any type of positive affect on health, whatsoever.  Everything else is basically diluted poison.  There are about a dozen reasons not to drink or why drinking is not good, while there are no solid reasons to drink, so why drink?

If you need alcohol to have fun, you need to look at yourself, your personality, your friends and/or your life and figure out what the problem is
Because you didn't always depend on alcohol to enjoy life or have a blast…so if you do now, something must be wrong

If you need alcohol to relax, you need to look at yourself, your life, your priorities, and your other hobbies and determine why you get so uptight and stressed, and then change the cause of the problem
Or you need to find  more productive/positive ways to release the stress you can't prevent, so you can relax

10. I am of the belief that if there are a lot of restrictions on something or if there is an age limit on something
8 times out of 10,  no one, despite their age or position in life, should ever do it.

There are government regulated age restrictions on: smoking, porn, gambling, drinking, watching certain movies, body art, body piercing, and driving.  Of course driving is ok, but the rest of the list, even some rated R movies, are questionable/pointless at best and self destructive/ society decaying at worst.  If it's not good for you as a teenager, odds are, it isn't good or good for you as an adult.

11. I know what I keep internalized, I know the emotional extremes I go thru & I know some of the things that sometimes I want to do to people, that I resist and not do. I'm afraid of what I would do or what would happen if my self regulation was gone, due to me not being sober, so I do not want to risk it.

12. I do not know if I would say I am a person who is easily addicted, but I do tend to over do, or want to over do, anything that I like.  I love sports, so I listen to 8hours of sports talk radio and watch 3+hours of sports related TV daily.  I love food. I used to over eat. I like to invoke significant reactions/responses when I interact with people, so I am always either making you laugh or making you mad (no middle of the road emotions allowed) Etc Etc
So, I don't want to start drinking  because odds are, I will grow to like it (like everyone else), and if I like it,  then odds are I will begin to over do it (and we know what the consequences of over doing drinking can be)

Lastly

13. I am all about honesty, keeping it real, being truthful at any cost, and not being a hypocrite.  If I were a politician, those 4 things would be my platform.
Me personally, I just don't think getting tipsy or being drunk is keeping it real.  I mean, your perception of reality is skewed, and the person you are acting like is not really you or how you act. (sure some say the true you comes out when you aren't sober and you can't control the image you put out, but I just don't buy that whole heartedly.)  How can I honestly interact with someone else, if I am not acting like I normally act…if I am not responding to you like I normally would?  How can I be keeping it real, if I have an overly positively (or negatively) influenced view on the world while I am tipsy?  Is laughing at jokes/things that are not funny keeping it real?  Is that real fun or artificial?  Is getting mad at things that aren't worth fighting over showing your true self?
I want to live life without an externally altered view.  I want to laugh at the joke because it truly is funny, not because I am high/drunk.  I want to smile and enjoy myself because in reality the people I am with or the place I am at really is enjoyable, not because I am out of my mind and have an artificially inflated positive view on ordinary things.  I want to make a new friend or pick up the girl because she likes Steven, the true person, and how I am, not because she likes Steven's alcoholically enhanced temporary alter ego.  I want to enjoy life, enjoy friends, enjoy family, enjoy people, enjoy nature, enjoy my surroundings and enjoy myself…not because I have a skewed view, not because I am acting abnormally, not because of some magic fun potion, but because there is actually, in reality, a good reason to enjoy it, or because it actually, in reality, is naturally enjoyable.
I think that is the way things should be.

 

I know what you are thinking... You are probably thinking:

WOW, Steven!  You have some close-minded, one-sided, conservative views on this topic.  You need to get real.  Sure, I probably should cut back on drinking, but I am not just gonna stop drinking forever.  Do you have any more reasonable, practical views on alcohol and drinking?

Well I am glad you asked.
When it comes to drinking, I am an advocate of people using the Icing Theory, which I have patented.

The Icing Theory
No one eats dessert after every meal.  Most people don't even eat dessert every ten meals.  Every dessert is not cake.  Every cake does not have icing.  Lastly, icing can be over used, and when it is it takes away from the quality of the dessert and it can make you sick.

My point?
Drink on occasion and in moderation.  You shouldn't have to drink every time or even every other time that you eat a celebratory meal, or you watch a ball game, or you go out socially.  When you do drink, drink in moderation.  (Most people in my opinion have a misguided opinion of when they are tipsy and when they are drunk (when I say drunk I mean legally drunk, not necessarily vomiting drunk) so I advocate, "2 (drinks) and (I'm) through", to be on the safe side.)

Well there you go!!!
There is The Answer to the question I have gotten more than anything else, in my whole life.
That is why I do not drink.
I wish more people felt the way I feel, but that seems to be unrealistic.

As always, your comments are welcomed (and encouraged).  Hopefully I have said something that has impacted you in some way.

~ComplexSimplicity~

UnderAPPRECIATED

*Disclaimer*

I admit it. Yes, I am bias when it comes to the following topic, but aren't we all bias, in one way or another, almost all the time, with almost anything

There once was a time, when the first born child in a family got the largest slice of the pie when it came to an inheritance from the parents, because of the prestige and sacrifice that comes with being the 1^st child.

There once was a time, when the elder children in a household, were giving slightly more respect, from other members of their own family and from our society as a whole, than others.

There once was a time elder children, at the very least, were truly appreciated, by their own parents and siblings.

Unfortunately, those times are no more.

Why?

I do not know.

But, I am here to tell all the firstborns (and 2nd /3rd borns in huge families) that I know how it is, I know what you go through, I know what you sacrifice, and I appreciate you.

So you say:

What makes elder children "worthy" of any extra praise/credit?

What does it matter what order you were born?

Why should a first born be given any more respect/inheritance, just cuz they were born first?

What's so special about them?

What do they go through, anyways?

Well, let me tell you…

Less importantly, first borns usually are around for the poorer years of their parents lives.

Quite naturally, most people make more money the longer they are in their career, so of course your folks have more money to spend on the last born of the family, as opposed to the 1^st born.  So, to me, to balance that out, I feel a larger slice of the inheritance is fair.

More importantly, 1^st borns, for the most part, have the most pressure put on them to be great (from day 1), by their parents and other friends of the family.  A first born child is expected to live up to all of his/her young parent's dreams of what they wanted their own child to be.

When your parents were teenagers, heck, even before their teen years, they were envisioning how it would be to be parents. They were dreaming about what they wanted their own child to act like, look like, and be like.  They were brainstorming and envisioning how they would train and teach their child to fulfill their ideal model of what a person should be…and when that first child is born

All the weight is now on him to come through, and live up to their dream.

Because all the pressure to be great, usually the rules are the strictest with the first child.

When a first child is born, quite naturally, the parents are young (relative to when their other kids are born) so they have more energy to watch you, keep up with you, and discipline you.  I have talked to about 10 first borns over the last 2 years and all of us say the same thing: that the rules that were enforced with us, were either not enforced with our younger siblings, or completely abolished all together.

Why is that?  Because as parents get older, they don't have the energy to be strict, like they once did.  When parents get older, they change from being obsessed with rules, right and wrong…to being obsessed with peace and quiet.

So not only is the pressure the greatest on the elder children

Not only are the parents the strictest with the elder children

BUT

The parents, quite naturally, aren't as experienced a parent with the elder children, as they are with the younger children.

We are almost like genie pigs.  Everything we go through in our childhood lives, and throughout school, etc etc…the parent has never delt with before.

Of course when you have never done something, or dealt with something before, you are not going to be as efficient or effective doing it, as you are when you have experience.

So that's the plight of the first born.

You have all the standards and all the expectations put on you, your parents have the most energy to be the most hands on…but at the same time they are inexperienced, so their "hands" inevitably do not always end up helping you as much as they could/should.

Not only do elder children have to deal with everything that I've written above, but we also have to make sacrifices.

When you were in HS, last born, all you had to do was worry about yourself, and having fun.  When I was in HS, I had to worry about YOU, as well as myself, and living up to the high standards put before me.

Firstborn's sacrifice some of their childhood fun, to help their parents out, and babysit/help raise the younger children of the house.  I couldn't tell you how many parties I missed, or hangout invitations I had to pass up, because I had to stay home and make sure my siblings were looked after.

I am not complaining.  I take honor in being a first born, and being partially responsible for my siblings' life direction.   But I'm just telling it like it is.  I did sacrifice.

Furthermore, Firstborns end up being sacrificed (usually against their will) for the sake of the older parents' new obsession: peace and quiet.

When there was a kid caused problem in the house, when there was a sibling argument/fight in the house, when almost anything semi major went wrong in the house…do you know what the (now older & less energetic) parents of multiple kids normally do?

They follow the following mantra:

When in doubt, blame it on the first born.

"You're too old to be fighting with your sibling"

"You should have been watching him closer, and prevented his mess up"

"If you hadn't of done ___ when you were his age, he wouldn't be doing ___ now"

When in doubt, blame it on the first born, demand peace and quiet from everyone. The end. (Instead of getting to the bottom of the situation, being hands on, and actually doing some parenting by holding a younger sibling fully responsible for their own shortcomings, disciplining, etc)

Add all that together, put it in the oven at 400degrees and bake it for 18-24yrs and you get the reason why I feel, elder children today, deserve what elder children of yesteryear got (from society, their own parents, and their own siblings), Honor, Love, and more appreciation.

So, firstborn children, I salute you.  I know what you go through, I know what you have sacrificed, I know what you didn't get (when you were a kid) that your younger siblings did get, I know that you hardly ever got/get the credit and appreciation you deserve. 

So, today I'd like to say:

We are one of a kind. 

We have a bond that can never be broken.

We have an importance to our society/family that never can be quantified.

I recognize you. 

I respect you.

And even if your parents, nor your siblings ever say it…

I appreciate you.

To the first borns and other elder children out there…if you feel me and what I'm saying, let me know. Comment.

If you think I have misrepresented us, and/or your own personal experience as an elder child is drastically different from what I have written...and let me know. Comment

Middle and last borns…hopefully this blog will make you call your older siblings, and tell them that you recognize what they did for you, you now understand, and you love them for it.

Hopefully, maybe, you will be inspired to even take your older sibling out to dinner, to show your appreciation.  Hopefully when you have children of your own, you will keep all this in mind, when you are raising your first born.

Middle and last borns…if u think I am way off base here….let me know. Comment.

If you want to tell your own story, from your perspective, about how it was growing up…let me know.  Comment briefly, then write your own blog and tell me when/where I can read it.

Thank you for your time.

God Bless

~ComplexSimplicity~

*Disclaimer II*

This blog is in no way to be interpreted as me bashing my siblings or my parents.  I am proud of my family.  This blog was intended to inspire 1^st borns and educate others about us.

Outside Looking In

*Disclaimer*
If you think I am talking about you, I am, but I am not mad nor am I expecting you to change.  Heck, if the tables were turned and I were in your shoes, 99% chance I would do the same thing you do.  So, I am not indirectly demanding change, I’m not calling anyone out, I am just sharing my perspective.

*Disclaimer II*
You might read this blog, and think there is a very simple solution to alleviate my problem(s), but if you know me at all, you know that that "simple solution" is anything but simple for me….its complex…

I am a first born, and an only son, so needless to say I always wished I had a brother fairly close to my age, that I could share experiences with and be close to.  Since I never was blessed with a blood brother, I always thought of my male cousins (even though they lived hours away, or were way older) as my brothers and I always thought of my friends as almost like my blood cousins.  So, needless to say, I value my relationships with my cousins and my friends even more than they probably realize or value themselves (toward me).  It’s not until recently; I realized that the reason for this might be that I am subconsciously trying to fill the void of not having a blood brother of my own.

Keeping this in mind, the following natural aspect of "growing up" or adulthood (that I am going to discuss), has somewhat caught me off guard, and reopened the void I thought I had filled, and sometimes has me feeling like I am on the outside looking in.

I am all for long term serious relationships and marriage.  As a matter of fact, I feel, I think more highly of serious relationships and marriage more than anyone I have ever known in my life.  While most guys, at some stage in their life (weather it was in HS, college, both, or still) looked forward to and were excited by the proposition of playing the field, dating around, being free, and having fun… I never looked forward to this.  I have always only wanted to be in a 1 on 1 serious long term relationship. 
So, I am all for love and I am happy anytime a cousin or friend of mine moves past that "play the field" stage, and move into a serious long term relationship.

I’m not going to lie, sure I might harbor some jealousy of what they have, when they settle down with that special woman, (since I have yearned for what they have, twice as long as they have, and I yearn twice as much as they do for it) but still I am happy for them.  But what makes things worse, besides the fact my cuz/friend has what I want, is the fact that I end up almost losing a "brother".

The friendships, I depend on probably too much, that I use to supplement the fact I have no blood brothers of my own, and the face that I am perpetually single, are almost taken away from me.  I understand that a wife or serious girlfriend takes priority in any decent man’s life, over almost everything else in his life, including me, but I hate it.

I am happy, when my boys or my cousins find some1 to love, but I hate it because it at the same time, because it decreases the quality of my life.  Instead being able to hang out with cousins I don’t see but twice a yr as much as I can… I only get 10% of the time I anticipated getting, because of his woman.  Many times I have thought to myself, that I wish everyone I gave a flip about, were single…but that’s selfish of me, so I never have verbalized those thoughts.

This phenomena is doubly painful, because not only do I get to suffer by seeing up close something I have always wanted, but don’t have…but I also what I do have (my "brothers") are stripped away from me, half the time.
So, I feel like an island…. Alone…
Like I’m just on the outside… lookin in.

 

How are you doing cuz?
Aint seen ya since I don’t know when
Can’t hang out? Gonna spend time with your girl?
(I’m on the outside looking in)

That’s alright man, tomorrow we will try again
Hopefully we find something crunk to get in
You not really interested, you don’t wanna upset, Lynn?
(Once again, I’m on the outside looking in)

Alright man, I guess Ill stay home, while yall go out for dinn..
No, I know what to do, Ill call up a friend
Dang, no answer, I guess his outta town girl, Cind’, is in
(I’m on the outside lookin in)

What to do? Time to kill. Money to spend.
But what I really want is time with my kin
What I really want is to kick it with a friend
But its not happenin (I’m on the outside lookin in)

I guess ill go outta town
To see my homey I aint seen in a min
Dang, forgot it’s his special weekend with Wynn
(Once again, I’m on the outside lookin in)

I’m all out of options. When did this all begin?
I didn’t know being single was a sin
I didn’t know when we grew up, the fun times would end
(I didn’t know I’d be on the outside lookin in)

I didn’t know things would change, cuz you have a girlfriend
I didn’t know Id be dissed cuz of Lynn, Cind’, and Wynn
I didn’t know the brotherly void I filled, would be empty again
(I hate the fact that I’m always on the outside lookin in)

~ComplexSimplicity~

Texas has an unusual system of choosing delegates that involves both a primary and a caucus.

The following is my caucus experience:

I'm disappointed in the (Obama) popular vote, Primary loss of Ohio and Texas, but I am more disappointed by the voting/caucus process…
 
Our voting area only had like 6 total machines to vote on….4 republican, 2 democrat…wtf is that?  People, who went to vote after work, were still in line at 8pm (Poles closed at 7pm) waiting to vote.  They wouldn't let us caucus until the last vote was cast so all 600 of us had to wait outside in the cold…in mass confusion.  No one knew what was going on, no one knew who was in charge, and no one knew what we were supposed to do next.
 
All information was passed around by word of mouth, and u just had to cross your fingers that the info u got was correct. Once we all packed into the small elementary school gym at 8:05…we had to find our precinct and shuffle around the packed gym till we found our table.

Now what?

No one knew what was going on, and the people running the caucus didn't seem to know what was going on either.  They didn't have a megaphone or anything, so anytime they spoke, only about 20 people heard…

Garbage
 
Then they started playing games.
"Obama people to the right, Hillary to the left (of the table)"
10mins later, they move and spin the table…the say "Obama people to the north side, Hillary to the south side"
 
WTF
 
15 more minutes pass, then they whip out 3 lists, for us to sign in, on.
Do you know how long it takes 300 people to write an autobiography on a list (they asked for name, address, phone, email, race, gender, etc, etc)? Especially when no one knows what's going on, there is no line, but a mass of humanity, and people are getting crushed into the voting table?
 
Anyways, so we sign the list, put our candidate down, and b4 we start out on our 15min trek to weave thru the crowd (to leave the table) they tell us not to leave.  Why can't we leave? No one knows.
 
I was one of the first to sign the list, so I had to wait 40mins for everyone to sign on the list…and for the 3 people working the table, to count up all the Obama and Clinton votes.
 
Miserable
 
Keep in mind, this whole time, everyone's complaining, everyone's hot drenched in sweat (after previously being frozen outside), everyone is crowded and pissed.  There was this one disabled old black lady that just spent the whole night correcting voting officials, yelling, arguing, and being annoying.
 
So, 940pm comes  
They tell us the results of what we put on the list
 
Based on the size of our county, and how many people showed up to caucus, we were awarded a total of 23 delegates.  74% of the people voted for Obama, so he got 17 of the 23.
 
Now what?
They split us up, Obama one side of gym, Hillary on the other
 
They start up another list…now we need 17 people to volunteer to be a delegate, and drive to Frisco the last Sunday of the month, to pencil in our vote for Obama.  Not only do we need 17…but we need 17 alternatives, just in case the first 17 flake out
 
(Remember no one knows what's going on this whole time…so, people are just yelling their name and getting it put on a list)
 
950p
 
Now, we have 34 people…and they hand the microphone to each one, so they can "campaign" for a half minute, saying they promise they will show up in Frisco, when they are supposed to, and they promise they will vote of Obama and not Hillary, etc etc.
 
This is pointless and takes forever.
 
(By now, it's almost 10p… over 50% of everyone has left…and all of the other 2 precincts had left, since they were done (they had less people in their group))
 
After they campaign… we all got in a line 100 people long…each of us have 17 votes…and we vote on which 17 people we want to represent us and go to Frisco to put in the vote
We don't know any of these people… we couldn't hear or remember what they said when they had the micro, etc, etc

WTF is going on
 
Anyways, we basically wait in line, go up to the list, pick a random 17 out of the 34 names
 
Then finally we are done at 10 10 pm
 
3hours 10mins
 
Terrible
 
 
Then I go home…find out Hillary won the popular vote, and it's like a kick in the groin .
I guess the only saving grace is that… all that effort I put into the caucus process counted for something because Obama won the Texas Caucus vote.
 
(Popular vote determines 2/3 of the delegates; Caucus determines 1/3 of the delegates)
 
Conclusion:
The voting process is purposely disorganized, confusing and inconvenient... I feel, to indirectly disenfranchise people.
They (the powers that be) don't want u to participate in the political process.  The less people participate or keep up with politics the more government officials can do whatever.
Having both a primary and a caucus seems odd to me, but if we are going to do it this way (in Texas) then we need to make it so it is organized and efficient so more and more people will take time out to try to make a difference, and vote.

 

~ComplexSimplicity~

It's not what you say…

 

"It's not what you say, but it's how you say it."  "It's not what you know, but who you know."

 

Ever heard these sayings?  I am sure you have.  I didn't believe them until about a year ago…but I still do not really understand why they are true (more specifically the first saying).

 

Most of my life, I have lived by the mantra, by the M.O., by the modus operandi of:

 

"Steven, if you are honest, open, and sincere with people they will respond favorably to it, conflict/problems will be minimized, and you will go far in life."

 

This doesn't seem to be true.  It seems to me that people like to be lied to, and do not want truth/honesty.  It seems to me, it doesn't matter how open I am… me being open doesn't influence or persuade them to reciprocate the openness at all.  It seems to me, during my quarter century on earth, that it doesn't matter if one is sincere or not, it just matters if they can act like they are sincere.

 

Why is this?

 

I'm sure that I could have more friends and more females, if I just decided to start sugar coating everything, if I decided to start lying and telling people what they want to hear, and/or if I pretended I was super laid back and opinionless… but I refuse to be like the majority of people.  So I guess I am making complex, something that could be simple, just because I have standards about open honest sincerity.

 

"What you say" should be all that matters.  If it's correct or not, if it's true or not, if it's honest from the heart or not… that should be all that matters, that should be what people judge and react to, but that's not the case.

 

I'm sure some of you are saying, "Steven, you don't have to become a liar….u can stay honest, just use more tact in certain situations and you will be ok"

 

Why?  Why do I have to sugar coat things and pussy foot around when I am communicating?  Especially if you already know me half way well?  I like to serve corn flakes…not sugar coated frosted flakes.  Sugar is bad for your teeth…

 

What is tact anyways?

 

The dictionary says tact is:

 

A keen sense of what to say or do to avoid giving offense; skill in dealing with difficult or delicate situations.

 

I say, why do people get offended by facts? By the truth? By honesty?  I'm offended by falsification and lies.  If I am telling you the truth….if I am telling you the facts….if I am telling you how I really feel, why would you get mad at me?  I'm not out to get you…I am on your team.  If I didn't like you, I wouldn't talk to you. But that's doesn't matter, people want lies or they want the truth bundled in so much bubble wrap and wrapping paper with 'handle with care' stickers, that the original thought, the original objective of the "tactful gift" is unrecognizable/uncomprehendable.  What's the point of that?

 

I feel most sugar coating/tact takes away form clear concise open honest communication.  So I don't do it (and maybe that is why people don't LISTEN to me…see my previous blog.) I hate miscommunication and misunderstandings.  I hate it with a burning passion.   If I have to choose between efficient effective concise open honest clear communication, and risking a misunderstanding or being fake by walking on egg shells…guess which one I will pick.

 

At the end of the day, however, my thoughts on this topic won't/don't change anything.  On this earth we live on…"It's not what you say, but how you say it".  As long as you know how to say whatever, it doesn't matter if what you say is true, honest, good, and/or beneficial or not.  This fact of life is pure 100% unrecyclable garbage to me, but it is what it is.

 

 

I have said enough.  Your thoughts are welcomed.

 

 

 

~ComplexSimplicity~

Listen

 

Does anyone listen?  When I say listen, I don't just mean hear and comprehend another individual, but I mean hear, comprehend, and also follow the advice or warning received or positively respond to the encouragement or critique received.

 

***side note***

If you think I am talking about you, I am, but I am also talking about myself (to a lesser degree).

 

Does anyone listen?  Before I graduated high school, I just thought my parents didn't listen to me.  Whenever i'd get in trouble at school, or get in a fight with a sibling/cousin whatever I said didn't matter, and everyone else's account of the situation was taken as Biblical fact.  This pissed me off.  Yea sometimes I was completely wrong, but not always…that didn't matter.

 

Then in college, I discovered that my siblings and a few others I felt close to didn't listen to me.  I now suspect that, those people never listened to me back in the day, because they knew 90% of the time I was right and had their best intentions in mind, but they listened to me because I used to be a bully.  In college, when I realized I wasn't bigger than everyone anymore, and I didn't wanna be a generic wanna be thug, I stopped being bully like.  (Back before graduating high school. I didn't pick on random people and steal lunch money…not that type of bully, but I did unintentionally (in hind sight) and sometimes consciously used intimidation and occasional violence against a lot of people that knew me, to make sure I was listened to.)

 

Now, after college, I have discovered that no one listens to me.  Except for one friend, that I see twice a yr, not just my family, not just cousins I thought I was close to, but no one really listens to my opinions, advice, or what I have to say. (Remember, when I say listen, I don't mean just listen, but listen and follow/agree/positively respond.)   While I was contemplating this revelation…I also noticed….hmm it's not just me…. It doesn't seem like anyone listens to anyone hardly ever.

 

Is it human nature not to listen?  Is it just American, to think we know it all, and to just always do what we want to do,  and/or keep whatever opinions we might have (no matter if we can defend/justify/rationalize them or not)? Why does everyone have to figure everything out for themselves?

 

One of the sayings I tell my sisters is "Smart people learn from their mistakes, Wise people learn from other people and other people's mistakes" This saying of mine, fits in perfectly with this topic.

 

Why are there not more people that are willing to learn from someone else's mistake (instead of having to stumble over the same stone for themselves, before learning?)  Why is there not more people willing to take someone else's advice on something that they have no experience with (instead of bumbling through that event or life stage themselves and learning the best way to do things, the hard way?)  Why does everyone have to invent the wheel for themselves?

 

I feel, life is like a test, and listening is like a legal cheat sheet.  If you listen, u starts off with a 50% on the test, without doing anything.  Why leave 50 free points on the table if u don't have to?  The test of life is hard enough…

 

I think the fact most people hardly listen to anyone…feeds into my theory that 90% of people don't ever really grow up or mature past age 16.  They just get older, get more money, and have less restriction.  I would go on, but that's a new blog topic…

 

Now I know everyone when they were a kid…. Didn't listen to momma when she said "the stove is hot, do not touch", but that's excusable.  We were 4, 5, and 6 years old then.  But it seems to me, that years later, we are still disobeying good instruction/advice and touching that stove…getting burnt.

 

Is it pride?  Is it stupidity?  Is it just the fact that "I'm grown, I can do what I wanna do, so imma prove that fact by not doing what u want me to do"? Idono.  All I know is more times then not, when u don't listen to that parent…to that older sibling…to that close friend….u end up burning your hand.

 

Now to scale this discussion down, back from speaking in general, to speaking personally, I have pondered why that people don't listen to me (if my theory is wrong, about no one listening to anyone about anything ever).  I know I offer my opinion without being asked for it, more times than not.  I know that tact isn't my strong suite (and I kinda don't believe in it anyways)  But why don't more of my friends…why don't my cousins…why don't my immediate family listen to me?  Am I the only one that thinks I am smart?  Does everyone think I over estimate my own intelligence and/or does everyone think I am not smart at all, but a fool?  Do I get tuned out, because I am always saying something? Always offering theories, opinions, facts, or advice? I don't choose my battles well? I don't know.

 

I like to think I am intelligent.  I like to think that I am good with words, I express my thoughts well, support my opinions strongly and rationally…but maybe I am the only one that feels that way about me.

 

I can't tell you how many times I have had a discussion with someone I'm close to…I share my views on the topic, they share their's, I defend my views, logically rationalize my advice/opinion, use 4 examples to explain my views, poke hole's in their take on the topic… the other person cant really and/or is too lazy to really support their thoughts, cant really prove me wrong or themselves right….but then in the end it doesn't matter.  They keep their views….they keep on whatever path they were already on….and more times than not, they end up burning their hand.  The fact they can't support or defend their ideas doesn't detour them from keeping their own thoughts and not listening to mine.

 

I'm dumbfounded and offended by this.  But I can't worry about things and people I can't control, I suppose.  At the same time, it's hard not to worry about people u like/love.

 

I have said enough.  Get back with me and let me know what your opinion on this topic is….both my general argument, and my personal comments.

 

 

Let me know…

 

Does anyone Listen? And if so, why don't they listen to me?

 

 

~ComplexSimplicity~

The Comfort Zone

 

My best friend and my worst enemy.

What I steadfastly strive for and what I persistently struggle to free myself from.

The Comfort Zone.

Can't grow with it, can't be at peace without it.

 

I am not afraid to admit it; I have a problem branching out away form my comfort zone.  Starting in High School, when everyone who was anyone knew me or knew of me… I had no reason to branch out of my comfort zone….because everything that mattered to me, was already in my reach….it was already in my comfort zone.  As I went from high school to Senior High (in my district, 9^th & 10^th grade were separated from 11^th & 12^th), I first noticed my comfort zone issues.  I didn't care to meet new classmates that had come from other schools, so I didn't try.  I internally justified this by saying I had 2 degrees or less of separation between me and any individual at that school, due to me being both an athlete and an Honors student, so "no need to meet new people & develop direct relationship own my own, because if I need to talk to someone knew, ill just instigate that interaction thru a mutual acquaintance we have."

 

Then BAM.

College.

No security blanket of athletics to distract me from my comfort zone issues, no built in pool of potential friends at my disposal anymore, nor any life long childhood friends to lean on anymore.  Just me.  No longer in the comfort zone.

So what do I do?  I branch out, because I have no choice…I talk to random people….I'm semi friendly…. I meet a lot of people...

And by the end of the yr, I have a decent of people I'm comfortable with…I have a handful of what I think are good friends……and I'm back in the comfort zone.

 

Sophomore and Jr yr…I'm back in my shell…..I don't try to meet anyone new… everything I do, and everyone I meet go thru the filter of my newly created comfort zone / group of friends.  I became anti-social with new people, and academically lazy.

 

I loose touch with acquaintances I had made freshman yr…. the circle of friends I had made freshman yr, had dissolved in half (due to drop outs, graduations, and transfers) and the comfort zone is gone.  What do I do, I get my ish together, get my academics together… socialize with more people at school, work, and church…and I build up a new circle of people I like….and a new comfort zone.

 

Then I get passive again, cuz I'm comfortable.

 

Then bam, college is over….I'm back in my home town, except this time 90% of the people I was cool with in high school have moved away.  The comfort zone again is gone.

Etc etc

 

 

Why did I just go over all of that?

 

What's the point?

 

My point is, I have a problem with branching out of my comfort zone. I only do so when I absolutely have to and I have no other choice.  When I get comfortable with the people in my life, or with what I am doing in life, or my stage in life….I go into a shell, I stop meeting people, I stop growing, I stop improving as a person, and I just stand pat.

 

For me, being comfortable is something I always want…and strive for….but it is not good for me when I actually obtain it.  When I got comfortable being the best athlete of my type, in Jr High…I started falling off. When I got comfortable with being a str8 A honors student in HS…my grades dropped to B's, then to worse in college.  When I got comfortable with my new friends in college, I stopped going out, stopped meeting new people, and stopped being friendly. Etc etc

 

 

I have issues with the comfort zone.

I need it taken away from me to grow

I need it given to me, in order to be calm and at peace.

 

 

This brings me to my final point.

 

Seems as if I have gotten comfortable being single.

 

I don't want to risk the potential of looking bad.

I don't want to go thru the uncomfortable awkwardness that interactions with new people produce.

Since I'm used to achieving and succeeding, I don't want to run the risk of failing (or not achieving my goal.) with a potential female prospect.

Even though, I have complained to my closest friends and family for years…"I can't stand not having a long term female who was down for me, like 4 flat tires"…..Maybe in reality, not only can I stand it…maybe I subconsciously like being single because if I didn't, I would be more proactive (right?)

Maybe I'm subconsciously comfortable being single.

 

 

To aggressively peruse the opposite sex…

To jump thru hoops and do tricks for the passive Texas women of today…

To bear all the risks, the first few months of a potential relationship…

Would be breaking out of my comfort zone…. And I am no good at that.

 

My best friend and my worst enemy.

What I steadfastly strive for and what I persistently struggle to free myself from.

The Comfort Zone.

The prize I seek…but the poison I don't need.

Can't grow with it, can't be at peace without it.

The Comfort Zone.

 

 

Now guys… I know this was a different kinda blog here….but help me out.

Am I the only one, with comfort zone issues?  What are your social short comings?

What did you do…and what do u suggest I do to b able to not be imprisoned by my comfort zone?  How do I break out? 

 

Your input is welcomed.

 

 

~ComplexSimplicity

JUST FRIENDS

 

I hope all is well, miss, my name is Steven

Oh, did I interrupt you?  I didn't mean to offend

I noticed you around, and I'd like to see you again

"I'm doing pretty well, but I just want to be friends"

 

But you know that you never even see your man

He living that thug life, in and out the pen

He says your just part of the 'team' (a womanizing trend)

But still, you tell me that you just wanna be my friend

 

You know, deep down, I will treat you better then him

Your honor would be my duty to defend

My future is bright, anything but dim

But still you tell me that you just want to be a friend

 

I rack my brain, nightly… I just can't comprehend

I tell question myself over and over again

Another lovely lady, saying she just wants to be a friend

When will this perpetual platonic-ism end?

 

How are you doing, miss, my name is Steven

Oh, did I interrupt you?  I didn't mean to offend

You seem different from most, and I'd like to see you again

"Sure we can hang out, but Imma tell you upfront, I just want to be friends"

 

"I'm not looking for any men"

"I'm working on me, myself from within"

"I just broke up with my boyfriend"

(Sigh) So Bottom line: You just want to be friends

 

What about us starting off as friends

We could see where things go or where things end

I promise, with me, this world we will transcend

But Imma tell you up front, I don't want to just be a friend

 

From day one, from the beginning, you know what I intend

There's only so much effort I'll expend, only so far ill extend

Because my true intentions I cant forever suspend

I'm trying to be more than just your friend.

 

 

~ComplexSimplicity (2007)

 

 

I could go on and on about this topic, because this subject breeds more subtopics, etc…but I will try to keep it concise.

 

Platonic Friendships

 

I'm tired of always being the PFF (Platonic Friend Forever) and nothing more.  I don't know what it is about me, that keeps me trapped in the web of platonic-ism with every woman I meet, but Id like to change it.

 

I never ever, have once, met a woman that looks decent, and thought to myself:

"She looks like she would be a good platonic friend"

"I wanna go out of my way to get to know this female, so we can grow to become Platonic Friends Forever"

 

Nearly every platonic female friend I have ever had (which in reality usually just ended up being a platonic acquaintanceship), has been unintentional. 

 

I think most guys would agree with the following...

 

Most guys have maybe 3 real female friends, but maybe twice or thrice as many real male friends.

 

On the other hand, most women, today, have only 3 real friends of the same gender (because "girls are moody and messy"), while having 3 or 4 times as many male 'friends'.  (How every woman can say every other woman (except a handful) are moody and messy, baffles me.  Has it ever occurred to them that they themselves are moody and messy, and should change?  No it's always everyone, but them.  Anyways….) what's up with this gender based discrepancy?

 

 

I will leave everyone with the following…

 

Platonic Friendships to a single man, such as myself, are usually like:

 

A poor starving man going into a buffet restaurant, just to sit and watch other people eat.

You see and smell the delicious food (you see and sense a woman who is beautiful inside and out) that you need and have yearned for, but all you can do is watch other people enjoy, and usually take the food (woman) for granted. 

For the poor starving man, doing this is almost like self-torture (if he is going to starve and not eat, why compound the pain by hanging around food you cant touch?), so what sense does it make for him to go out of his way to do this to himself time and time again?

Questions….Part I

 

 

Now usually, during one of my blogs….I take a current event or random topic and speak on it, like I am the authority on that topic.  Truth is, there are some things that I have noticed in life, or randomly though of, that I do not have a definitive explanation or opinion on.  Hence this blog…. Questions (Part I).  I want your input here. I want to know what you think.  Pick a question or 3 and elaborate on it, for me… Please.

 

 

Why does everyone think they are the exception?  I have touched a wide range of topics throughout the last 16months here in my blogs, and I bet most of you never once thought I was talking about you.  Why is that?   Why does everyone think they are the exception, and not the subject when something non complimentary or unflattering is being said?

 

 

Why is it socially acceptable to use race as a disqualifier for dating or marrying a certain individual, but its socially taboo, to use race to discriminate in any other aspect of life?

 

 

How do you optimistic people, remain optimistic after you have matured enough to recognize all the facts and fallacies of life?   The older I get, the more half empty the glass looks…

 

 

[Generalization]

I have never heard a man use $ or employment (or potential employment) or organization affiliation as a qualifier for whether he is willing to date or holla at a young lady, but unfortunately the reverse isn't true.  Why?   (I mean, seriously, have u ever heard of a guy say….."boy, she looks fine, but she works at McDonald, so I aint gonna holla…..she aint ballin"?)

 

 

Why does Father's Day go unnoticed every year?   Mother's Day is an extravaganza, and Fathers day is an after-thought. Why?  I think, for those of you who have/had a good father who stuck around and did what a real man is supposed to do……..I think, since that's more rare than a mother doing her duty…..that society should celebrate it more….it should b more of a big deal. Isn't it human nature to celebrate the special, unique, or rare, and not the common place?  If so, why doesn't that human nature apply here?

 

 

Ok….enough questions for now, but please remember…this Blog is nothing without you and your comments.  Help me out.

 

 

~ComplexSimplicity