Background: Referendum 71 is being voted on in Washington State. If passed, it will allow state-registered domestic partners to receive the same legal rights as those who are married, under Senate Bill 5688.

Statement of Partiality: I'm voting for approval of Referendum 71.

The Fun: Let's look at Referendum 71's statements for and against, straight out of the handy voter's booklet from my mail!

Who Had the Best Headings? Statement For used three straightforward headings, all clear and concise: The Domestic Partnership Law Protects All Washington Families, What is Included in the Domestic Partnership Law?, and Who Supports the Law? Statement Against used four headings that relied on an anxious attack of exclamation-slanted prose (!) such as: Reject Senate Bill 5688 to Protect Children! and Reject Senate Bill 5688 to Preserve Marriage!

The Winner: I have nothing against exclamation points, but I prefer my voter "information" without blatant exciticism, so Statement For wins round one.

Who Used the Fewest Quotes? Statement For used one quoted segment for a summation statement in what appears to be an effort to let the reader know where an opinion has been expressed, as opposed to the otherwise factual information they were sharing. Statement Against quoted one state senator twice, and a representative once, and then put quotes around words like, "family unit," "husband," "wife," and "gender neutral."

The Winner: Statement Against could have shared any factual information it wanted to about the bill, but instead chose to give me three statements of opinion from state legislators. Then, they started talking about "husband" and "wife" and how the bill is going to redefine those words. Fact check: the bill doesn't redefine them. It essentially says, "Hey, let's treat some of these terms as though they are equal to any member in a domestic partnership or marriage instead of rewriting every single law using those words." That quote was mine, and the winner of this round is Statement For.

Which Side Presents the Most / Best Facts? Statement For says this bill will allow domestic partners death benefits for partners of police and firefighters killed in the line of duty, the right to use to use sick leave to care for a seriously ill partner, pension benefits for partners of teachers and other public employees, victims' rights, and more. Statement Against says "Marriage [...exists...] for the greater good of the social order," and "Marriage is about providing the most stable and healthy environment in which to raise children," and that this bill will "confuse children and likely result in public schools influencing children to accept a new definition of the 'family unit' so that same-sex partners will be a recognized norm." Of course, I don't understand how children would be confused if the definition of "family unit" was a recognized norm. It sounds like Statement Against is the one that's a little confused. They're obviously pro-marriage. And they also claim that this bill is "primarily about homosexual marriage." According to Statement Against, this bill gets more people that much closer to marriage, so you'd think they'd be for it, since they're all gung-ho about marriage being vital to the social order and all that.

The Winner: Anyway, come on, now. You know who the winner is. Statement Against wrote a very entertaining statement riddled with unsupported opinion and contradictory lines of thought. Statement For wrote a measured, level statement in support of a bill that should never have been challenged in the first place. Go Referendum 71!

Short sentences are good. Short paragraphs are good, too. End them quickly.

Background: Microsoft's Windows 7 promotion is centered around convincing people to host a Windows 7 launch party. You can find out more about that by watching this video and trying not to throw up.

Scary Observation: Supposedly, people are doing this. In fact, according to a regional Windows 7 launch party map, there are easily over 10,000 people hosting parties in the United States, alone.

Hypothesis #1: The number of parties is a highly fabricated number.

The Scant Evidence: As Windows XP pretty much made Vista obsolete, I'm having trouble believing there are that many people interested in Windows 7.

Hypothesis #2: A large number of the comments left on this page were actually left by Microsoft marketing personnel.

The Scant Evidence: There just aren't enough typos on the comments page. I find it hard to believe that Windows fans have an higher-than-average rate of typing and grammatical accuracy.

The Request: If you are hosting a Windows 7 launch party or if you know someone who is, give me details! I want to know everything--like, why? Was it for the "party pack"? Do you love Windows? Was it an excuse to try out a new operating system so you figured, why not? I will respond with non-judgmental interest. I only want to know more.

Perspective Drawings of Environments near Black Holes

Photographs of Missing LEGO Bricks

Stalwart Displays of Loyalty Expressed only in Song and Locally-Grown Produce

Brand New Works by Aaron's Favorite Artists, Living or Dead

Spontaneous Art Created Right Now While You're Watching, Using Your Limbs without Detaching or Hurting Them




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It's a shame that the president has to explain that the health care plan does NOT include panels of people that will decide when senior citizens must die.

It's even more of a shame that this kind of claim was ever spoken of in the news.

If I shout, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" no one freaks out. The press might do a fact check, but I'm assuming they'd look at the sky, figure out it wasn't falling, and then ignore me. A crazy person shouting crazy things is not news. It happens all the time.

SO WOW LOK WUT I JUST FIND OUT SOCIALISM HAS FOUND ITS HOMA ON MILIONS OF STRET CORN3RS ACROS DA USA!11!!111 IN TEH FORM OF TRAFIC LIGHTS

Y3S!11!!! OMG LOL 3V3N THOUGH MANY US!!!!11! WTF CITIEZNS MAY NEV3R NED OR UES TRAFIC LIGHTS TH3Y PAY TAEXS TAHT SUPORT TH3M!!11!!!!

OMG THES KIND OF SOCIALIEZD WAY OF MAKNG SURE PEOPL3 R SAEF IS RIDICULOS

IMM!11!11 A P3D3STRANE Y SHUD I PAY FOR TRAFIC LIGHTS YO???!!?! OMG LOL

So the other day I was outside the building where I work and I saw the guy that's always out there, sitting on the metal railing.

And I said to myself, "That guy is always out here. That's so weird. What does he do?"

And then he started talking to himself, and I said, "And he's always talking to himself. That's so strange. What a weirdo."

When the Obama administration dumped their support of the public health care option in an effort to move the current health care plan forward, I proposed that one of the following three things must be true:

1. The USA is a nation of idiots.
2. The USA's Senators are pets of the health care industry lobby.
3. Both of the above.

But a poll run by a conservative research organization turned up the following results: 83% of U.S. citizens favor a public health care option.

Now I think it's down to possibility number 2.

The Obama administration feels it's necessary to dump the public health care option in an effort to pass the current health care plan.

Perhaps instead they should just tell everyone they've removed the Death Panel section, the part about forcing everyone to use the government option, the bit about Soviet-style rationing, the section on cutting Medicare, and the part of the plan that allows tiny ants to control your brain like a video game.

That would make more sense to me.

Portland Details, for anyone wanting to hang out:

Friday, August 7, 9:30pm
The Standard
http://www.barflymag.com/b..ar/standard.html

14 NE 22nd Portland, OR 97232
Phone: (503) 233.4181

It's a nice little bar, but don't drive by too fast or you might not spot it (they've got some kind of fence-thing). They also have very good food, late into the night.

Key detail: If Amtrak is late, than so will I be.



SPAM Publishing

An update is at TheNervousBreakdown.com, where I explain SPAM Publishing's new policy NOT to reject people.

First issue is due out next week! Subscribe for free by sending a message to spam.publishing@gmail.com.

I stumbled across a word the other day, which was rather coincidental, since the doctor had just uttered it and so it was weird that I should have happened to hear it at precisely the same moment, especially since I had been seeing the doctor because of a loss of hearing.

The word: Idiopathic

The definition: Of unknown cause

The reason it was uttered: The doctor couldn't figure out why my left ear hears less than it used to.

The diagnosis was given to me almost as if it were a solution. Huzzah! We have solved the problem! Your loss of hearing is idiopathic!

My future career change: Idiopathologist

Sounds like a sweet job!

That's all, really. I just liked the title for some reason.

The Internet's implicit encouragement of bad spelling and vapid sloganizing has run rampant to the point of mass noncommunication.

Solution: No one cares.

Prblem sovled KOL!

So, I'm headed out to lunch with a friend, but the friend needs to use the restroom first, and he asks if I'll hold his book.

"Sure," I say. The book is called Cyber America.

I stand outside the restroom and people walk by and this guy in a torpedo jacket comes walking up.

He says, "Is that, like, about a horse named America?"

I look at the book.

"Um. No," I say.

"Because I had a horse named America once."

I don't say anything.

"When I was a kid," he explains, "we didn't have all this techno-babble. It was just horses and guns. And corn."

"Oh. Yeah. Well, that makes sense."

"You must be a writer," he says.

"Yeah, actually, I am."

"What do you write?"

"E-mail, mostly. Sometimes a real letter. Occasionally, I sign stuff, like credit card receipts. That kind of thing."

He points at a random, moving spot on my chest. "A real funny guy, huh? Your kind will last longer than the filthy cockroaches."

And then he decides to catch the elevator.



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