Editor’s Note: This blog is a response to Stephanie’s challenge issued in her blog entitled It’s Not Easy Dating Me. Thanks to Steph for issuing the challenge, this has been an instructive and entertaining blog for me to write.

Oh, boy. When Chris first called us out of his memories and explained the reason, for a time, chaos reigned. All of us were talking at once. Chris just sat there, mumbling something like, “If only I could get the voices in my head to not all talk at the same time!” Eventually, the din quieted to a softer, spirited discussion, and we discovered we all had things about which we agreed. Dating Chris is both challenging and rewarding... and the rewards come from surmounting the challenges.

The first challenge is to avoid feeling like a complete dolt. You see, Chris was born to a father who was a reclusive librarian and a mother who grew up in the sticks without any television. Books and reading were a big part of the lives of both of his parents. He didn’t grow up on 30-second sound bites; he was weaned on multi-hour reading marathons. As a result, he has levels of focus and concentration that modern youth just don’t understand. A.D.D. he’s not! He also has this monstrous... uh... vocabulary. The challenge lies in his difficulty understanding that not everybody shares his education and love of words... he takes such pleasure is choosing exactly the right word for each situation from that capacious lexicon in his head. The trouble is, none of us have ever heard that word before and we have no clue what it means.

To be fair, he’s not doing it to, intentionally, make us feel stupid. He’s way too sweet and good-hearted for that. He just assumes levels of education that might not be there. Also, he’s a natural-born teacher, at heart. If you look at his brain as a treasure-trove of interesting facts, learning, and nuanced terminology, you could spend the rest of your life exploring those labyrinthine corridors and you’d never get bored. He’d love it, too! Wandering those halls with a woman who shares his love of language would make his internal self-analytics less lonely... and he’d have someone with whom to discuss those nuggets of philosophy, psychology, and wisdom that he’s collected over the years (and upon which the gathering dust brings him pangs of disappointment).

The second challenge is rising to the task of being an equal partner in a relationship with him. He wants a woman who is with him because she wants him... not needs, wants. He wants an independent woman who is completely capable of standing on her own two feet and has no need for him in her life. He can be proud of her and her accomplishments... and he’s a part of her life because she wants him there. Of course, this has a couple of ancillary requirements. You have to have your sh...aving cream... together. He doesn’t expect you to have no baggage... but what baggage you do have should be neatly stowed.

Also, you need to accept some responsibility for your emotional growth... as a couple. He will put himself out there and let you know, in no uncertain terms, that he is interested in you. Remember, though, that he needs to feel welcome and wanted. Invite him in and encourage his “pursuit” of you. In his mind, a lack of encouragement equates to a discouragement. He’s almost girly in this respect. If your display of interest in him falters, he’ll start to wonder if you still care about him. Put in some effort to show him you still care, and he’ll be the most loving, giving, attentive, and loyal boyfriend you could ever dream about... but he needs that reassurance that all is well.

He certainly has his flaws. He’s not the world’s greatest housekeeper. He’s a bit disorganized. He tends to slip into an unnecessarily detailed micro-focus when a macro-focus is what’s called for, so it takes him forever to get some things done. But he’ll make a point of speaking your love language, he’s easy-going, level-headed, and incredibly affectionate. He can talk about “feelings,” (he’ll even be [gasp!] honest about them), and has no fear of commitment. He’ll treat you like a princess, but you have to act like one... and treat him like a prince.

The Floor Is Open.

This originally began as a comment on C.C.’s blog on Emotional Affairs. As I wrote, however, it became far to long to post as a comment and so morphed into a blog of my own. Credit where credit is due. This is, after all, a reply to C.C.’s blog, and she deserves the attribution and a “pimp” on my own blog. Besides, this post makes so much more sense if you read it after you read her blog. So, what are you waiting for, it’ll open in a new window (so you can just close that window when you’re done and you’ll drop right back to this page)... click the link above, then come back here.

Oh lord, where do I begin? I am, currently, in so many situations along this gamut, including both ends... Here’s the scoop:

The Pure Friend: My best friend’s wife, Donna. Donna is like my sister. She was Carla’s best friend, too, which adds yet another dynamic to the depth of our friendship. We have such similar interests and education; she is one of the very few people with whom I can discuss the history of the British Monarchy (Henry VIII and his wives, in particular), the poetry of Kipling, spirituality, and modern technology... all in the same conversation. It is not, never has been, and never will be anything more than platonic. Of course, there is also the fact that her husband is my best friend, and neither she nor I have ever felt any guilt about the connection we share... and he knows this as well. She is the true Pure Friend.

The WaitingToBe: A woman (name withheld) with whom I share extensive interests and that magic connection... that quantum entanglement... that special chemistry against which no metaphorical emotional armor can withstand. A woman who, quite simply, touches my heart and makes me “thump.” I can easily and truly see her as the woman I’ve waited all my life for. The one I could (and would like to) spend my golden years with. Unfortunately, she’s currently involved in one of those accidental relationships that is doomed, but difficult to get out of because the other person is a genuinely good and special person... perfect for someone else... someone with whom they have the same spark. I know the aforementioned relationship cannot go the distance (so does she), but how long do I wait for the inevitable collapse?

The WannaBe: A woman (name also withheld) I care deeply about, who has been a close friend for a year, now... a woman who has recently become available... and who seems to care about me, as well. I have so much fun with her. We get along and enjoy each other’s company. When we haven’t talked for a while, I miss her voice, the sound of her laugh, looking in her eyes, smelling her hair, and just reveling in... well, her. My intellect tells me she would be serious, but not long term... but that she would want it that way. Not to mention the fact that she is sooooooo my “type” and really turns my crank.

The WishIt’dBeen: Someone I dated, and was (and, arguably, still am) deeply in love with, a long, long time ago. Someone who recently found me online... and with whom I have been talking, texting, and flirting quite a bit in the past few months. Perhaps I shouldn’t use the term “flirting”... if she showed up on my doorstep, I would happily turn our hot, sweaty, monkey text into something much, much more tangible, tactile, and sensual... hubby or no. I would take the bad karma and consider it well-earned. It’s probably a good thing she lives too far away from me for our... uh... conversations... to become reality... I know I would succumb to the temptation (hell, I would fold like a crepe paper fort... cave like the Carlsbad Caverns) and violate her marriage vows... exuberantly... lovingly... repeatedly... uh, next paragraph, my laptop is beginning to tilt.

As you can see, I am involved in several “relationships” on every point in the spectrum, from pure, platonic friendship, to full-blown, hot and heavy emotional affair. Looking back over this entry, it occurs to me that each of these women (were she to read this) would recognize herself, anonymity notwithstanding. In a way, that’s not such a bad thing. While I have no problem expressing myself in such terms as I have used on this page, when they are spoken, I always end feeling like there is more I should have said... that my expression, if accurate, has been inadequate or incomplete. This blog has enabled me, at a time in my life when my emotions are a bit topsy-turvy, to get my thoughts organized and out on paper (well, monitor) where I can see them and go back over them... editing, correcting, clarifying... so that there is a small corner of order in the seething pit of chaos into which my life has devolved. I confess, also, to an intense curiosity about my readers’ opinions... to which of the aforementioned women I should devote my energies (and how... if the women reading this have any suggestions or advice, I would gladly add those factors to my consideration).

The Floor Is Open.

The economy is like an electric grid. It is not the presence of money/electricity that makes things happen; it is the motion of money/electricity that makes things happen. So why is our economy circling the drain? Because we're not moving money around. Our economy is bogged down, not because of a lack of money, but because of a lack of confidence.

Here's an example: Let's say, just for the sake of argument, that you were planning on spending $10,000 remodeling your kitchen. When you saw your neighbor lose his job, you got scared that maybe you might lose your job and need that 10G next month to pay the mortgage, so you postpone remodeling the kitchen. The contractor who would have done the work loses business. The vendors who would have provided the materials for the work lose business. The suppliers who would have mined the metal ore, quarried the marble, or harvested the timber, they all lose business as well. That means none of them have the money to buy the book you wrote, or get coffee at your Starbucks, or [fill-in-the-blank], which means you lose business, too. The Wheel Turns.

So everyone in this chain loses money, because you lost confidence that there would be buyers for your product or service next month. Of course, you're not alone in this; everyone else in the chain lost their confidence, too.

You're probably wondering where I'm going with all this, so here's the point: Barak Obama has a way of inspiring faith. He makes people believe... believe things are going to change... believe things are going to get better... believe. About how this will be accomplished, he's a bit vague.

Whether he truly understands what he's doing and has an underlying purpose, I don't know. He could just be a snake oil salesman, dealing ephemeral hope, shadows without substance as it were, and hoping to find a more concrete method of actually accomplishing that change later on. That's a risk, but it's a smaller one than might be imagined. As I pointed out in the very beginning, the economy runs on confidence. Obama inspires confidence (or faith or belief or whatever label you want to attach to it). Even if that confidence is unjustified, it will have the same effect. If that confidence is inspired in a critical mass of people, the economy will reverse itself, going into an upward spiral.

Even though he didn't really do anything, people will perceive that he "fixed" the economy. If he truly understands what he's doing, the man is brilliant. If not, well, he's just the lucky guy who hit upon the right formula at the right time. Either way, I think things will start to turn around, come January 20th. It may not be as spectacular as a race driver pulling a bootlegger 180 but, to coin a phrase, I believe.

The Floor Is Open.

A friend of mine commented the other day how my habit of returning shopping carts to the store (or, at least, the cart collection area) drove him nuts... and I usually grab a loose cart from the parking lot on my way and take it back with me.

That habit began one sunny Southern California afternoon, when I started to turn into a parking space, only to find FOUR carts sitting in the middle of the spot I was angling into. I should mention that this parking spot was close to the cart area. By "close," I mean there were TWO parking spaces between the one the carts were blocking, and the cart area. A total of maybe a dozen steps, round trip, for some shopper, that wouldn't take more then six or seven seconds to complete... maybe ten seconds; I'll be generous.

I got out of my car, moved all four of the carts out of the way, parked, and took three of the offending carts back to the cart area, taking the fourth with me to the store. Instead of fuming about how lazy and inconsiderate other shoppers were... well, OK, I did some of that, too... I made the decision to "leave the world a better place than I found it."

Leadership is by example, and this was a simple solution to the problem. Whenever I go somewhere, I always see things that should have been done, and I take a few seconds from my day to do a few of those things... leaving the world a better place than I found it.

Here's another example (albeit slightly more extreme): I was in a WalMart last Christmas Eve, doing some last-minute shopping. When I stopped to look through the $5 DVD bin, it was a mess! Wanting to be thorough (and not pick up the same disc 14 times), I started straightening out the bin as I looked at what was there. I wasn't sorting them so all the copies of, say, Hope Floats, were together. I was just lining them all up neatly, with the titles facing the same direction, so fellow shoppers could scan the titles quickly and easily... saving everybody time during the holiday rush. Someone asked if I worked for WalMart, and I said, "No. I'm just leaving the world a better place than I found it." Again, The Mantra.

It has occurred to me that, if everyone did little things (and raised their children to follow their excellent example), this world could be a terrific place. It wouldn't even need to be everyone, just a critical mass of people (though I would hope shame would drive the remainder to follow suit, my cynicism prevents me from expecting that).

• Instead of stepping over or around that piece of trash, pick it up and put it in a trash can. You can carry some disposable plastic gloves (the kind food preparers use - available at Smart & Final, WalMart, and maybe Sam's Club or Costco) or some wet naps for your hands.
• Take your own (and one or two other) shopping carts back to the store or cart collection area. Don't leave them loose in the parking lot.
• Hold the door for someone with his or her hands full.
• Say, "please," "thank you," and "you're welcome."
• Stop and give someone directions when they're backing up their car.
• Return loose items in the supermarket to their proper locations.
• If you have 48 items in your cart, and someone gets in line behind you with three, let them go first.

The list is endless. Every day, you see things that somebody should have done, but didn't. Take ten seconds and do them. No, you won't get paid for it. No, you won't get kudos or a pat on the back. Yes, you will feel good about having done the right thing. Yes, you will feel good about helping to make a better world. Who knows? Maybe someone will see you and follow your example. Maybe enough people will join the movement to attain that critical mass of which I spoke earlier. Maybe the world could be a better place, for all of us. Many hands make light work, as my grandmother used to say.

Official legal-type stuff: Please feel free to copy this blog and repost it. My only request is that you give proper attribution and include a link to this blog:

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&FriendID=19487059&blogMonth=5&blogDay=14&blogYear=2008

"Realism tells me I cannot fix the entire world. Idealism drives me to clean up my little corner of it."

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
- Edmund Burke

The Floor Is Open.

Henry Lee was a 27-year-old lieutenant in 1941, serving in the Philippines. He was captured by the Japanese in 1942 and endured the "Bataan Death March." As a POW, he was held for a time at Camp O'Donnell, then three years at Camp Cabanatuan, where he kept up his journal of poetry.

In December of 1944, he was loaded on an unmarked Japanese transport ship with other prisoners to be sent to Japan as slave labor. Before he left, he managed to bury his journal, hoping to return as a free and victorious American soldier and retrieve it. Unfortunately, on the way to Japan, an American plane spotted the unmarked boat and, not knowing it held captive POWs, the pilot dropped his bombs, sinking the ship. Henry Lee was 30 years old.

In January of 1945, the Sixth Rangers liberated Camp Cabanatuan. Lee's journal was found and sent to his parents. In 1948, his poetry was published in a volume entitled Nothing But Praise, from which these poems were taken.

The first was written the day after the bombing of Pearl Harbor, when Lee realized he was about to be thrown into what promised to be a bloody war.

Prayer Before Battle (To Mars)
(December 8, 1941)

Before thine ancient altar, God of War,
Forlorn, afraid, alone, I kneel to pray.
The gentle shepherd whom I would adore,
Faced by thy blazing plaything, slips away.
And I am drained of faith — alone — alone.
Who now needs faith to face thy out thrust sword,
Bereft of hope, turned to pagan to the bone.
I kneel to thee and hail thee as my Lord.
From such a God as thee, I ask not life,
My life is forfeited, the hour is late.
Thou need not swerve the bullet, dull the knife.
I ask but strength to ride the wave of fate.
And one thing more — to validate this strife,
And my own sacrifice — teach me to hate.

Three years later, on the anniversary of his penning of Prayer Before Battle, he wrote another poem, somewhat less known. I think this one is more powerful, though, especially when you know his history, previous and subsequent. The differences between the two show how much he grew in the brutal years he suffered as a POW. If the Sixth Rangers had raided that camp just a few weeks earlier, what more might this Poet of Bataan have penned? Perhaps more importantly, how much could we, as a society, have learned about the emptiness of hate?

Three Years After
(December 8, 1944)

"Teach me to hate," I prayed — for I was young,
And fear was in my heart, and faith had fled.
"Teach me to hate! for hate is strength," I said
"A staff to lean on." Thus my challenge flung
Into the thunder of the clouds that hung
Cloaking with terror all the days ahead –
"Teach me to hate — the world I loved is dead;
Who would survive must learn a savage tongue."
And I have learned — and paid in days that ran
To bitter schooling. Love was lost in pains,
Hunger replaced the beauty in life's plan,
Honor and virtue vanished with the rains
And faith in God dissolved with faith in man.
I have my hate! But nothing else remains.

The Floor Is Open.

I’ve been out in the job market for several months, now. Hitting the bricks, constantly scanning every web site I can think of for employment. We’re not just talking about the standards (Career Builder, Monster, Yahoo! Hot Jobs, etc.), either. I’m going through city, county, state, and federal postings, as well. I’m hitting local school and community college districts, CSU sytstem, UC system, and major local employers like Knott’s and Disneyland. I’m even combing the local newspapers and going "Old School." The problem is: The people who would hire me, aren’t hiring; and the people who are hiring won’t even consider me because they say I’m "overqualified."

Pardon my French, but that’s a bunch of hooey. While, in an odd way, I appreciate their reluctance to take advantage of my situation and pay me less than I’m really worth, the bottom line is that they’d rather I lose my home to foreclosure than underpay me. Here, we have a difference of opinion. If I didn’t want the job, I wouldn’t be applying for it in the first place. I’d rather be working and underpaid (but still covering my bills), than not working, not being paid at all, and not covering my bills.

Furthermore, I have "mad skills" (to borrow a phrase from a friend). If my employer thinks they’re underutilizing me where I am, they can move me elsewhere when a more appropriate position opens up. They don’t have to worry about trying to hire me away from somebody else; it’s an in-company transfer. They get to benefit from top drawer skills at a rock bottom price, then bounce me over to IT, or PR, or training, or [fill-in-the-blank].

So, employers: Don’t tell me I’m "overqualified." Hire me anyway and count yourself lucky to be getting a computer/network/IT expert with 20 years of real world experience, well above average written and verbal communication skills, teaching ability, and a Bachelor’s degree in Communications playing the role of the cherry on top.

The Floor Is Open.

The US Air Force recently awarded a $35+ billion contract to build military tankers (the "flying gas stations" that our military planes use to refuel in mid-air) to a French company. That’s $35 billion of our taxpayer money being outsourced to foreign workers, instead of having our military equipment being built here, in the U.S., by American workers! Our economy is circling the drain (trust me, I’m out there looking for a regular, full-time position to replace the hugely variable income I get from freelancing), and the government is sending thousands of jobs to France (of all places)!

Furthermore, this means that our military planes (and our national defense) is partially in the hands of a European company... in a country that isn’t always all that friendly with us.

This is an outrage, and this type of outsourcing has got to stop. If you agree that American taxpayer money should be used to pay American workers (NOT French workers!), then please take one minute to visit the following link to Representative Todd Tiahrt’s web site, and sign his online petition. The government needs to know that we will not just sit back and allow this type of outsourcing to continue! Please forward to anyone who you think would support this movement to get this decision reversed.

Congressman Todd Tiahrt

Also, here is the list of other government web sites that you can use to write your government representatives and tell them what you think (and how you’ll be voting).

United States Senate
United States House of Representatives
The White House

The Floor Is Open.

I recently wrote a blog about the modifications the California Air Resources Board is proposing to make to the Zero Emissions Vehicle Program. This is the same program that was adopted in 1990 but, by the date it was supposed to actually come into force, had been so weakened and gutted, the vehicles that actually were Zero Emission did not survive to be mass produced and marketed. I got to pondering as to why, and an interesting thought occurred to me. The auto industry is more focused on maintaining a status quo they are comfortable with than they are in listening to what consumers actually want and producing the vehicles that we are asking for.

Let me see if I can explain this odd blind spot that seems to be ubiquitous throughout the industry. Back in 1990, when the Low-Emission Vehicle and Clean Fuels (LEV) regulations were first adopted, California essentially showed the auto industry which way the auto market winds were blowing. We want low-emission, clean-fuel, high-efficiency vehicles. Seems pretty obvious, doesn’t it? At that time, the only technology (other than internal combustion) that was practical for powering cars was electric motors driven by rechargeable batteries.

The problem is that this is not a technology Detroit has extensive experience with. Detroit has the experience, the factories, the personnel, and the robotics to make big, powerful, internal combustion engines. Instead of taking an honest look at the changes going on in their own industry and investing in being a leader in those changes, Detroit invested in legal challenges to the changes. I don’t know exactly how much money the auto industry spends in legal fees, resisting the change to greener cars, blocking or gutting every low-emission regulation that gets proposed, filing lawsuits, and lobbying government representatives. I’m sure there is an accountant out there with that number. I feel a compelling need to ask, though: If Detroit had spent that money in research and development, instead of legal fees, where would we be now? What would we be driving? And would the environment be in any better shape?

Back in 1990, California sent the auto industry a clear message: We want cleaner, more efficient cars. Instead of responding with, "OK, we’ll do our best to give you what you want," the auto industry responded with, "No! You’ll buy what we build!" Now, who has the most fuel efficient cars on the road? Japan. Toyota and Honda. Who has the best market share? Japan. Toyota and Honda. Who’s getting spanked (economically, anyway) for their intransigence? Detroit. Chrysler, General Motors, and Ford.

Perhaps a more important question would be: How can Detroit fix this problem? My own, admittedly knee-jerk, reaction is this: Drastic times call for drastic measures. Everybody who is making seven figures or more a year either takes a pay cut down to something a bit more reasonable, or retires... let’s try to avoid the $210 million golden parachutes, too; spending millions giving executives a cushy retirement is not going to help keep the company afloat, much less profitable.

Replace them all with young, energetic, go-getters who have fresh, new ideas... preferably ones who will work for a salary in the low six figures (or less). Look for people who are familiar with what today’s younger market wants, and are passionate about making that kind of car. You’ll probably need to redefine your concept of where the company makes its profit, but those youngsters will have ideas about that, too. Take the money you saved on executive salaries and dump that directly into making efficient cars efficiently. Shorten the R&D cycle as much as possible; focus on making inexpensive, low maintenance cars; learn to be versatile.

You’ll end up with a smaller, nimbler company that can tack with the wind more easily. Better yet, the company will be going the same direction the market is headed, instead of fighting the headwind, as it were. Perhaps you could accomplish the same thing with the Old Guard, but my instincts say otherwise. Should the Old Guard prove me wrong, I will beg their pardon right here on these pages, for all to see.

Whatever you do, don’t lay off the people who are actually making the cars! Then you don’t have a product to sell, and you don’t have people to buy it. That’s just slitting your own throat. No matter how you slice it, the American auto industry must change or it will go under, California laws or no. If any of you have other ideas, chime in! Maybe together we can hash out a plan to Save the American Automobile Industry.

The Floor Is Open.