We here at Affirmatron are all over the web, not just here on Myspace…mainly because of this. We're also on this super awesome site called Revver, and they featured us on their homepage last week. Pretty cool, huh? Well they didn't stop there…they do a live web show every day and they're featuring "Boyfriend in the Band" on said show. Very impressive, no? There's still more! They invited us to the studio to introduce the video and maybe talk about ourselves a little bit.

So, this Tuesday, September 2nd, at 1 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, if you've ever wondered what we were like when we're not acting or pretending…or drunk, go to Revver Live and watch us. Don't be surprised if you discover that one of us is actually a dwarf and the other and old Chinese woman.

We're really looking forward to Tuesday and, until we have to hear the comments from the accompanying live chat on the show, we're excited about the opportunity. We hope that you tune in, and maybe register with the site which is hosting the show so that you can participate in the chat!

Who would have thought there would have been a day when Affirmatron would be on the internet! Oh, yeah…right.

See you next Tuesday! (hee hee)

Tiny and Ling Pei, I mean, Marty and Brian of Affirmatron

Wow, August 1st already? Where did the summer go? It most certainly didn't go by so quickly because of summer TV, that's for sure. Eager for some fresh entertainment? Dying to laugh again? Longing to see two guys try to track each other down and kill the other?

You're in luck! The Affirmatron TV pilot, "The Affirmatron Ultimatum," is here! Naturally, it's a bit longer (18 minutes) than our weekly vids, so this weekend, cuddle up with a cool glass of lemonade, or vodka, and enjoy.

Watch it below or click here to watch it on Daily Motion (and have the choice to watch it full screen).



Please let us know what you think about it and thanks for watching!

Marty and Brian of Affirmatron

Hey Affirmafans!

Affirmatron created a television pilot and we've been itching to share it. Unfortunately, we're insufferable teases, so this week we're just posting the trailer to the pilot, which will premiere on August 1, 2008, exclusively at Dailymotion.com.

The trailer for "The Affirmatron Ultimatum" can be seen below or downloaded on iTunes (keyword: affirmatron).



Thanks for watching!

Marty and Brian of Affirmatron

About a month ago, the receptionist where I work told me that someone had shown up at my office suite the day before looking for me. The receptionist didn't get the guy's name or why he was there, only that he seemed to know me, my full name and some basic information about me. This may not seem like that big of a deal, but the fact is that no one I know knows where I work. It's not like I've made a big secret of it...I'm sure that a couple of friends could figure out where I work...it's just that I don't have friends hanging around the office and would be kind of put off if they showed up. That's why this situation gave me pause.

The more I thought about it, the more it freaked me out. Was someone trying to serve me? Was a long lost relative trying to find me? Was someone trying to kill me? I quickly go to extremes. Soon, something shiny caught my attention and I totally forgot about it.

Today I walked into my office and the receptionist reminded me of the mystery visitor. I immediately felt an ominous wave wash over me.

"He was a salesman," the receptionist continued, almost cursing himself for the rookie mistake. "He left you guys a package." I looked down and there was a pastry box.

I brought the box back to my office and read the letter attached to the box. He was peddling some payroll service that my job couldn't even use. I don't know how he tracked me down or learned that much about me or why he's being so insistent. On second thought, he is a salesman, so he's just doing what he does...but I can't stand salesmen.

Now before you go and call me "careerist," I have my reasons. Salesmen killed my father.

OK. That wasn't true...but they've been incredible pains in my ass over the years. When I waited tables back in the day, any time I had a table of salesmen, they tried to trip me up in anything I said so they could get free stuff. They just ensured getting an automatic tip added onto their bill. When I worked retail, salesmen were hired to motivate us to increase our sales. I had to sit through a day of lectures about how great of salesmen they were, after which I would go back to my own way of selling, because at the end of the day, no matter how much I sold, i was still 19 and only making $6 an hour, no matter how many extra socks and underwear I sold and as soon as I graduated there's no way in hell I was ever selling anything again.

When I left the world of customer service, I was convinced I would never have to deal with salesmen again...except maybe agents. But, oh, how naive I was.

Every couple of months a Michael Scott or a Dwight Schrute will show up and my boss just lets me deal with them...after the boss has already set up an appointment with them. We're pretty set in our ways, so there's little chance that we're going to change anything we use, but I have to sit through the appointment.

The appointments are usually set up for when I'm alone in the office so that I can use the big office with the wonderful panoramic views of Los Angeles behind me. I sit through the spiel, as Willy Loman lays out how great his widget or service is, but then I start to drift.

I start to think about how funny it is that I'm in that situation, like I'm a little kid holding the sword of Damocles over this old man. Then I think about how sad that is. Then I start to think about script and sketch stuff, an idea I need to tell Brian about, what I need to buy at the market. Then I realize I have no idea what the guy is talking about and I've just been nodding for ten minutes. Then I get in the giggle loop. I try to keep it in, but my lips are forced into a smirk and the salesmen starts looking at me like I'm an asshole, but continues with his pitch until he finally finishes and I promise to pass on the information to my boss. He leaves, then I dodge his follow-up phone calls. The system works.

So back to present day, I'm waiting for the inevitable meeting for the service we don't need...but with pastries. My boss told me I could have them. I told my boss there was no way in hell I would eat mystery pastries from this salesman who knows way too much about me for reasons I don't know. For all I know he could be lying about his service and conducting some sort of pastry based attack on random citizens (see? Going to extremes).

At this point we couldn't have the potentially deadly pastries in our office, so we did the only right thing...left them in the break room.

Actually, three...as he's been teasing in the Affirmacast for weeks (you are listening to the Affirmacast, right?), Marty got a gig doing some commercials for a new internet show called "Big Shot Live." They will eventually be on TV, but for now you can see them on the web here.

He's in the one's entitled "Todd bumps into old client," "Brian books an actor" and "Brian takes actor on horror set."

Check them out...it will literally be a minute and a half, unless you want to watch all the other promos. We'll keep you posted as to when they're going to be on TV.

(Oh yeah, this was the big news to which we alluded yesterday.)

Thanks for watching!

Marty and Brian
of Affirmatron

You. Lucky. People.

It's Boxing Day and Radio Free Hollywood is coming at you large and in charge with a very special Affirmacast in which we have an in depth interview about the casting process with casting director extraordinaire, Lisa Hamil.

If you want to know what a movie audition is like, or perhaps get some advice on how to do a better audition, make sure to give this a listen. This is truly an awesome Affirmacast on which to end 2007.

Listen to it here or download it on iTunes.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Thanks for listening!

Marty and Brian
of Affirmatron

Christmas is just about over and I'm just about stuffed. BOC and his lady came over to my pad for our first successful Christmas feast and I'm ever so happy. I managed to cook my first turkey (breast).

One of the gifts I got today stood out. Well, they all rocked. I got a new iPod, as did Brian, so we can now both rock my "urban stealth" look. For those not in the know, sporting the iPod and sunglasses mean you have the excuse that you don't see or hear anybody who stops you while walking around the city...meaning we don't have to stop to sign petitions or give coinage we don't have to people who ask for it.

Anyway, I received from a very dear friend a book entitled "How to Survive a Horror Movie." First of all, Brian almost bought this for me, but our shared psychic energy prevented this and he got me the sequel to Max Brooks' Zombie book instead. So I got this book and inside, my friend wrote "for next time." This, of course, refers to the fact that I was killed off in Brian's movie, and the next time I'm in one, maybe this book will help me out.

This entertained me to no end. I had forgotten that I played a character who looked past the signs one should notice in order not to get killed. Similarly, I felt that I had accomplished something again, even after being in the movie and waiting to see what's going to happen with it, I realized that one day soon someone will be sitting in a theater watching me and Brian onscreen when someone will shout out to my character and say, "Bitch, get out of the house!" I have arrived.

When I got the book, my friend told me the story of how she got it, which made me laugh even harder. She brought it up to the counter and the clerk told her, "Oh my God, I just got this for my roommate!"

My friend said, "I'm getting it for my friend since it just happened to him."

The clerk said, "The movie was that good?", believing that there was a horror movie so scary it had, indeed, killed me.

The savvier person behind my friend interjected, "I think she's saying that her friend was an actor in a horror movie."

The clerk said, "Oh my God! Do I know him?"

My friend, growing tired with this exchange, said, "How should I know?" She grabbed her purchase and hurriedly exited the store, amused that she was able to name drop me in a way.

I didn't stop laughing for half an hour.

So Christmas is about over. I'm stuffed and will probably soon go to sleep in a turkey coma (the beer helped). Merry Christmas, everyone. I'll be busy reading my new books about how to survive a horror movie and zombie attack, so if you want to know what you're supposed to do, just ask me...just don't do it if you see me wearing my iPod and shades.

I'll be right back.

My sister was in town this weekend. Sadly, since I have been tethered to my computer lately for all things Affirmatron and since she had plans of her own, we were only able to meet up for lunch on Sunday (she's out in LA a lot lately, so don't read too much into my family ignorance factor). One of the things she told me over lunch was that it had been a long time since I blogged last, so, Sis, here ya go...

When Brian and I embarked onto our online journey of taking Hollywood by storm, we were unaware of what awaited us...besides international superstardom. Every step of the way we have been met with some sort of new computer, technological type thing that confounds us and makes us curl up into the corner in a little ball, crying.

We overcame it with the initial sketches. Then I learned how to increase the quality of the sketches. THEN I found a site that actually pays us for our sketches (we've made two cents so far...jealous?). THEEENNNN we figured out how to get the Affirmacast on iTunes.

Oh, I should pause for a moment and mention that one of our requirements for all this stuff is that it's free. We're in this for the long haul, but with limited finances, so we need any online endeavor to be gratis, nome sane. So far, we've been extremely fortunate in taking advantage of all the interweb has to offer, and to know that hundreds of thousands of people around the world have seen our sketches or listened to the Affirmacast, well, that warms the cockels of our hearts and gives us a sense of validation in our thrift.

However, each week poses a new obstacle, er, opportunity. This week's were the Wordpress/revver plugin for a wordpress blog...that is nowhere near figured out, although we have ascertained that it is not an issue as simple as a Mac/PC thing (seriously, that's the intel Bri and I have in our intellectual reserve).

The other thing was to get our sketches on iTunes. I don't know what an RSS feed is (truth be told, I referred to it as an IRS feed to Brian yesterday). I know, simply, that it exists, and people can subscribe to it and...well, that's about it. I just know that we had to have one, and to do iTunes, we needed to give them an IRS feed...DAMN!

Well, we did the RSS feed through our Dailymotion page, but iTunes wouldn't accept it. I assumed it was something that I did, so I made Brian do it. It didn't work for him either, so I knew that we were in trouble. Fortune shined upon us, though, when my boss had an appointment run long today as our IT guy showed up and had to wait.

The IT guy...or "angel" as I shall refer to him henceforth...quickly figured out what the problem was, and remedied it. Apparently, iTunes doesn't "like" the format on which Dailymotion dhows our sketches. Why can't we all get along?

"Angel" helped me find a site that iTunes would recognize and...within days, as soon as the Mac Borg reviews it, the sketches will be available on iTunes! You can take us with you wherever you go! Um, I mean on your iPod, or if you kidnap us or something, which isn't really hard...just wave a beer in our general vicinity...ya know what, forget what I just wrote....damn delete key doesn't work.

So, that's where we're at. We've got a bunch of new ideas on which we're working that are sure to sned me into a breakdown when I have to deal with the eventual technology but we're doing it for you...YOU! I'd like to say that I don't understand the tech because of my age, but I was never that big into computers, even though I've been using one since I was five...but I do know "funny."

You're welcome.

By the way, as per our sketch, "Beer Academy," Brian and I are totally in support of the WGA strike...we've made two cents so far, we're totally willing to share the wealth.

These are, indeed, troubled times in which we live. Besides all of the other tragedies in the world, today I was affected by the Britney-K-Fed custody battle...personally. I can't get into the specifics, but it has affected my world in a way that totally annoys me.

Anyway, in this harsh era when even I am a victim in the 50th Trial of the Century (to-date), to what am I to turn for solace? That answer is obviously the new Fall TV season. Here are my thoughts on some of the new shows and some of the returning:

Sunday:

Simpsons: Like pizza, even a not good episode is always not bad and better than most of the stuff out there. I'm disheartened to think that I've been watching this show since I was in middle school and now I'm closer to Homer's age than Bart's.

King of the Hill: Welcome back, old friend for one bonus, final season. I forget if it was BOC or Hawkins that commented that this was the realest American family on TV today.

Monday:

How I met Your Mother: Still Legen-wait for it-dery.

Aliens in America: Middle Eastern kid = Balki plus twenty years.

Tuesday:

Cavemen: Even worse than imagined...and I think it is written by every student who sat next to me in college who equated elaborating their delusional points on Russian lit for half an hour with a meaningful contribution to a discussion, when they would accomplish the same thing by just repeating the phrase, "You are listening to me talk" over and over again.

Carpoolers: I saw one glimmer of Bruce McCollough in the pilot, but it was soon overcome by the hackery of the show. Were you aware that men don't understand women? And that there is traffic? That's what I took away with me from this.

Reaper: So freaking awesome. You have slackers who talk like Kevin Smith capturing souls for the devil. Need I say more?

Wednesday:

Pushing Daisies: Simply magical. I'm not being snarky. Magical realism, snappy dialogue, beautifully shot, awesome cast. It's like if Tim Burton and Michel Gondry collaborated. Granted, that is not for everyone, but I do recommend it.

Gossip Girl: I. Just. Can't. Look. Away.

Dirty, Sexy Money: This is a pretty fun show, but you might as well call it "Page Six: the TV Show."

Thursday: I'm still a Must see TV kinda guy. I think I've seen ten minutes of "Grey's Anatomy" once and I found it boring, but the NBC shows are my favorite shows on TV.

Earl: I used to hate this show, but they've fallen into wonderful rhythms and have created a great world in Camden County of which they're totally aware, which makes for great call backs.

30 Rock: Alec Baldwin could read the phone book and I would watch...and have. I also enjoy how this show makes me happy that I didn't make it onto SNL.

The Office: OK, I realize that this is only a temporary thing, but how awesome are the hour long episodes? Why is this not a trend the rest of the industry is moving toward? Rather than soaps that are (theoretically) funny, like Housewives and Brothers & Sisters, why are the networks not developing longer sitcoms. Twenty minutes is not long enough for a good A and B story line. If they're doing so much product placement during the show, why can't they cut back on the commercials and bring back some of the story. Have you tried to watch an old "All In the Family" lately? So much of it is cut up and in weird places just so it adheres to modern advertising time requirements that it's weird to watch. I know I'm being naive, but if there is such a dearth of sitcoms, I don't see why we have to double up on shows like "Til Death" and "According to Jim," when it could be replaced by a super hour of "30 Rock." I realize that all three aforementioned shows are on different networks, but I was just trying to make a point.

Friday and Saturday: I have no idea. Fridays I like to do stuff and on Saturdays we do the Affirmacast. I will say this, though.

Cops: still crazy after all these years.

The Woman's Murder Club: Worst. Title. Ever.

OK, I have to deal with my Britney issue. Happy TV Watching!

I try to keep monitor of how many views our sketches get on the different sites that host us. My goal of the past week was to get ten thousand hits on one video on any site. So one could imagine my surprise when I opened up our page on ziddio.com yesterday and find that our latest sketch, "Ten Year," had gotten twenty thousand views from the time I had gone to sleep to the time I got home from breakfast at Fred 62 (I have a lot of free time). And we just got more views as the day went on.

When I woke up this morning, I saw that we had gotten over one-third of a million views!

Since Brian was in Denver, I kept on texting him with the dizzying numbers. Even though who views our vids and how many people do it is out of our control, it's thrilling to know that more people than the population of...OK, I don't know...I was going to write Wyoming, but they have a population of over 500,000, so that's no good...it was a lot of people, and they watched our product.

Anyway, that was a huge happening, and we're thrilled. What's next? We'll see. I just know that we have to get back to filming our next round of vids.