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Jemima



Last Updated: 6/22/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 25
Sign: Capricorn

City: Bristol
Country: UK
Signup Date: 4/21/2006

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Tuesday, July 07, 2009 
Video on the progression of information technology, researched by Karl Fisch, Scott McLeod, and Jeff Brenman:

"We are living in exponential times."
2:33 PM 
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Friday, July 03, 2009 

Current mood:  inspired
Yay! We're going to build a geodesic dome in Portugal. It's something that I think John has always wanted to do.

I found this awesome video to give you an idea of what's possible:


(click HQ to watch in HQ!)



Also here is a really simple example of an Aquaponics system. We hope to build a bigger one and may even encorporate it into the geodesic dome...
Currently watching:
The Brood [1979] [DVD]
Release date: 2005-07-18
4:46 PM 
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Friday, July 03, 2009 

Current mood:  devious
Fucking fuck fuck! It's time for me to lash out passive aggressively! (Hey, at least I'm not naming names, he he)

D'you ever just wish you had a murder button?

Of all people, my mother introduced me to the concept (I can't remember exactly how the conversation went but at times she's as joyously pro-apocalyptic as I can be!)

They say "live and let live" and I tend to go with that empathetic sentimentality. HOWEVER if I had a murder button I suspect that it's only a matter of time until I used it and there's only one ass hole I would use it on. Yup. Sir. E. Bob..... The (evil) Ex.

One particular ex tends to saunter between my temples in a slimy, oozy manner from time to time. It's been years and swathes of life since I've seen that shit (I really struggled with a word there, as I feel to use any insult of a sexual nature, such as fuck, cunt, etc, would be a blasphemy against the cus word rather than the turd in question.)

You try to put the negative emotions to bed - hate is not a healthy emotion, right? Any guy who has ever done me a disservice in the past has eventually seen my forgiveness, either in person or simply in my head to the extent that I wouldn't see red bloody murder if I ever bumped into them in the street.

This filthy stain upon the earth has however not yet earned anything even touching on forgiveness in my mind. Me, who sees the best in wankers, forgives and accomodates all... me who cannot possibly feel anything but fucking rage towards this bile mutant who......

Well, that's it isn't it! I think that the thing that gets me the most is that he took advantage of my generosity, my money, my forgiveness, while seeming to get a kick out of my weakness. Back then in those hazy grey days of my life I was wrestling with anorexia and lost my dad. I needed support. I felt like I needed love. But looking back, seeing that the somebody in your life encourages you not to get help, bullies you when you stand on your own two feet, thinks of themselves when you are at your most vulnerable (think insisting you leave before anyone else from your own fathers funeral when you are too distraught, exhausted and lost to say "No! I don't want to go with you! I want to stay with my family. My friends!")

I guess that I'm angry with myself for allowing myself to be walked all over. For saying "Yes, I'll pay both our rents, again." or "Sure, I'll pay off your debts while you borrow more." For buying a car or a pair of shoes for me, with my money, that wasn't the one I wanted because he said so. For allowing myself to be bullied emotionally, sexually... For seperating myself from my friends for fear of them seing through my own self applied blindfold. I'm furious with myself that I didn't think FUCK ME GET OUT! NOW, BEFORE HE DRAINS YOU FURTHER!

I should have seen the signs when he talked to his mother like she was some lowly sub-being. I should have twigged earlier, but I didn't because I thought I needed him.
Douche bag.

All the pent up rage! It swings from time to time between wanting to see that rotting corpse in town so I can swing at him, to feeling fairly chill and composed and able to do that whole "I'm doing much better now than I was back then. I don't know what I was thinking" thing, to living in fear that I might see him and feel humiliated and want to run away in pure self loathing at my own frail sensibility.

I have to point out (mid-rant) that this diarrhea skid-mark is not a person that crosses my mind often. He did today because I thought I saw his gay little boy-racer car (which I practically paid for) parked a few blocks from where I live and the toxic twist of emotions ripped up my stomach. To my credit, I didn't put my head down and scurry away but stood there hungrily gazing around, ready to unleash my fury. I haven't seen him since the day I kicked him out besides a time in the supermarket when I did scurry in the other direction, and so today in my moment and my fury I felt proud and ferocious, but also had the nagging sense that if he'd actually appeared I wouldn't have had a freaking clue what to do (I'm about as aggressive as a tipi in my normal state of mind)...

My husband says "I'll go knock him off on the quiet. Nobody'll ever know!" and I say "No! I can't condone violence." But something tells me that if I had a murder button, and nobody else was around....

BUT HEY! If there is such a device out there I doubt I could afford it, so:

Fuck you. I hope you live a miserable life. I hope your mother runs away with the postman to escape you along with your vile father and ungracious brother.

I wish you horrible suffering.

If that makes me a bad person..... I guess at least it makes me feel better as recompense
Currently reading:
Out
By Natsuo Kirino
10:13 AM 
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Thursday, July 02, 2009 

Current mood:  overstimulated

You know that wonderful and pointless pass-time that is... googling images to find something proportionately super-cool to post on your uber-rad myspace buddy's comment section? (You don't? You lie!) You do? Awesome!

Well. I was doing that.

I made a super-freaky discovery in the form of what they call the "Belgian Blue".

These freakish beasts have been bred through generations of manipulating bovine copulation (cow nooky) of the most muscled cows around. It started way back in the 1800s in Belgium apparently but really got scientific in the 1950's when they took out all the fun for those ripped young heifers by using artificial insemination. 

Interestingly there are neither steroids, growth hormones nor genetic engineering afoot here. The characteristic sought in the gene pool is "a natural mutation of the gene that codes for myostatin, a protein that counteracts muscle growth... resulting in accelerated lean muscle growth." (Thanks Wikipedia) This phenomenon is known as "double muscling."

I am both horrified and mesmerised by these creatures. They are indeed bread for meat and there is a moral question, or several - Does the creation of such a specimen mean that beef farming could be less intensive in terms of volumes of animals? What are the food requirements of a monster like this versus a couple of regular beef cows? I guess that, in a meat consuming society, there could be a use for them if producers choose to use their ridiculous muscularity as a tool in making beef production more animal friendly. Or perhaps we should just eat less meat? Or both! This fascinates me.

They've earned the nicknames "Schwarzenegger cows" and "monster cows". Many advocate eliminating the strain all together (Ta again Wikipedia). I think it's complicated... Even the average modern cow is a completely domesticated species and a far cry from the wild animal in their ancestry so the implications of the Belgian Blue are only steps ahead of keeping any species purely for food production.... In the mean time I'm mighty impressed by the rippling flesh exhibited by these colossal moo-cows, and appreciate the irony in the blog title.

Now here's a question - what the heck was I googling in the first place?
Currently watching:
Naked Lunch [VHS]
4:54 PM 
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Wednesday, July 01, 2009 

Current mood:  curious
To you mysterious ones...

You all read my blog, you all read it, on and on. I see the numbers, but you don't comment, you don't leave kudos.

I wonder. What do you think of me? Do my words make you happy or sad? Do I talk jibberish or sense? Am I foolish, vile, dorky, genius or bland?

Have you NOTHING to say?

Shmooo.

Shmoo you all!


Currently reading:
Neverwhere
By Neil Gaiman
9:49 PM 
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Sunday, June 21, 2009 

Current mood:  enlightened

I've been suffering acute despair for the last few days! It all started as I stumbled across a pair of feature length documentaries called Home and Earthlings. Watching the first made me want to get out of this city so fast that it'd be forced to melt bedind me. The second made me weep so hard I still had swolen eyes the next morning. Today I think I've broken the back of the beast and so, while still feeling twinges of pro-apocalyptic gloom, I have a sense of purpose and see glimmers of hope. Hmmm... all sounds a bit ominous I suppose, but it's worth the ride. I've definitely ticked two more boxes under the heading "Essential Jemima Education". I put the puking rainbow (relevant but funny) at the top to cheer you up so you can join me in this adventure of the self - Take another look at it and read on...

I grew up in an environmentally aware household. My mother grew up in well and truly in the country. She and my step father now work in environmental publishing. She brought me up with an awareness that our actions as human beings have an impact on the life with which we share this planet and that the things we consume ultimately come from the earth and from life, no matter how unrecognisable they may be.

As I've made my way through existance to this point I have tried to make ethical choices, but of course to a great extent I have fallen into the trap that we all suffer: We live in a consumer society. Our economy relies on consumption. Our jobs often depend upon and perpetuate consumption. We waste our money on petroleum products in bright colours, not that money actually really means anything anyway. It doesn't seem like such a big deal in day to day life (It is normal after all) until you make the connection that as we chase our tails to have more more more we are wasting life and doing damage that may not be possible, let alone easy, to undo.

On to the documentaries: Home is a documentary primarily focused on the environment, how we are changing it and the scale to which we are changing it, from deforestation to mass farming, the impact to water's natural cycle and the damage we have done to our oceans. Whether you are a sceptic of Global Warming or a James Lovelock devotee I urge you to watch this. Shunning something simply because you do not agree with one area of the debate is not going to get you to great places, kind of in the same way as taking everything you hear to be gospel wont either. Looking at all the arguments with an open mind before drawing your own conclusions is a much brighter idea! The documentary is posted for free viewing on Youtube for now, but cannot be embedded so find the trailer below and the full movie HERE, and go see the project website at www.home-2009.com.


 I was browsing through the blogs of a new myspace friend and Earthlings was embedded right there under the heading "Documentary that everyone must see. Period." I have seen animal rights videos before, I would have said I was aware, but this was different. Within the first few minutes I had tears streaming down my face. What this documentary brings home is not that animal cruelty is a reality (although it does that too with ferocious effectiveness) but the sheer enormity of the scale in which we continue to treat our fellow "earthlings" as commodities at our disposal. It highlights the denial of people disconnected from the creatures which provide their food, clothing, entertainment and every other "use" we have for them. The "If I can't see it I don't care" mass mentality, and the true horrors that are standard in the industrial cycle of the human-animal relationship.

While I sat their blubbing I did not want to see the endless brutalities but couldn't bring myself to do anything but keep watching, because I believe we need to know what our actions condone. We need to understand the practices that provide the things we ask for. So here it is:


What are we all doing here on this little planet? What is it that all of us humans are up to? We are so advanced, we have created so much, but we have become disconnected from what life is all about. Do the things you own bring you real happiness? Does your job really have anything to do with providing for your family? Or are you part of a massive system that is warped far away from the essence of what life is? The first half of this video gave me some food for thought:

We're distracted, no doubt. You have to wonder while we all flap about hyped issues (while they may be real and not unimportant perhaps just not deserving of so much of our attention) what are we failing to focus on, because I don't think it's just the damage that we're doing to our home planet and the horrendous attitude we show to our fellow inhabitants (human and animal) that we're failing to fully grasp, but also the positive and rewarding aspects of living in symbiosis with our environment, having a relationship with that which feeds us rather than steadily eating into it, having the respect to allow life to be life.

Armed with all this new knowledge, or at least refreshed perspective (it's not really new now is it?) I got to thinking about how we deal with these issues as people. Within only a few short days I could feel the strength of my conviction ebbing and the horror burned into my retinas fading away. And then it hit me - denial! Us human beings are excellent at denial. When you force yourself to think about these things it's hard not to feel like you've been blind, blinded yourself even. It occurred to me that when I contemplate my role in the perpetuation of modern consumer society I feel guilty, and then the temptation to get rolled up in fluffy snuggly denial starts to poke at me again. WELL. I don't want to live in denial, and I sure as hell don't want to feel guilty about my choices - I want to live true to my values!

I have a lot of conversations with friends these days about "the general unrest of society" in a world where we consume more and more prescription drugs, more and more commercially produced foods, want more clothing, want a newer kitchen, drink more and more (I live in the UK and our culture seems to be progressively living to binge drink!) and I wonder if this might be connected to all that denial and guilt I've uncovered in myself. Hmmm... I even pondered if our growing love for gore in escapist activities like video games might be related to that guilt bubbling under the surface? Don't get me wrong, I like a glass of wine and I'm a horror movie and gore game devotee, but maybe there is a link in the quest for desensitization to brutality - maybe one is a symptom of the other... (For the record I would NEVER argue for censorship in any form, the contrary in fact. I say we are where we are and we should look forwards, with an honest view of ourselves and our lives. Perhaps we will evolve into some kind of mutant super-species if we keep playing first person shooters and develop real world morality? I'm up for it!)

Maybe too there might be some connection between these issues and our cultural moral crusades - Our wresting matches with sexuality (disgust at something that is on every bill board, in every magazine, music video etc, etc.) Our health obsessed obesity epidemic. Sound like symptoms of people wrestling with denial? They kinda do to me... Let alone our inclination to be outwardly abhorred by brutal acts, while effectively hiring people by proxy willing to do brutal things to perpetuate our lifestyle? How complicated our human condition has become.
 
An impresively insightful spouting (on the subject of the US subjected to the ultimate self help book) from the main character in Will Ferguson's comedy genuis novel Happiness™:
"Our entire economy is built on human weaknesses, on bad habits and insecurities. Fashion. Fast food. Sports cars. Techno-gadgets. Sex toys. Diet centers. Hair clubs for men. Personal ads. Fringe religious sects. Professional sports teams - there's vicarious living for you! Hair salons. Male mid-life crises. Shopping binges. Our entire way of life is built on self-doubt and dissatisfaction. Think what would happen if people were ever really truly happy. Truly satisfied with their lives. It would be cataclysmic. The entire country would grind to a hault - and if America goes, you don't think the rest of the Western World will follow? We're talking about a global domino effect. The end of history."

Also covered in the book is a running theme of words in other languages for which we don't have a direct translation. I particularly liked this one in the Kiriwina language of New Guinea:
 
Mokita - "The truth which no one speaks"

Maybe we could all do with facing a little more Mokita eh?                                 ...or maybe alot....

Currently reading:
Happiness TM
By Will Ferguson
6:28 PM 
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Friday, June 19, 2009 

 I'm a big fan of Milla Jovovich and this interview and performance really warmed my innards... so here you go:
 





Currently listening:
New Electronic Folk Music: the Peopletree Sessions UK Edition
By The Peopletree
Release date: 2002-12-02
11:38 PM 
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Friday, May 22, 2009 

Current mood:  cantankerous
Good morning boys and girls. Yesterday I was doing DIY. This resulted in me now having TWO splinters in my right hand - one in the tip of my index finger, one in my middle finger. I also stepped with great enthusiasm onto the upturned tip of a shave hook. OWWWWW. I am a klutz!


In more serious news, here's something to make your blood freeze. This story was borrowed from rawstory.com. The evil people are out there. They are out there and they are making things....


Germany has declined to patent a cyanide-equipped RFID chip developed in Saudi Arabia.

From German publication The Local:

A Saudi Arabian inventor has filed for a patent on a potentially lethal science fiction-style human tracking microchip, the German Patent and Trademark Office (DPMA) told The Local on Friday.

But the macabre innovation that enables remote killing will likely be denied copyright protection.

“While the application is still pending further paperwork on his part, the invention will probably be found to violate paragraph two of the German Patent Law – which does not allow inventions that transgress public order or good morals,” spokeswoman Stephanie Krüger told The Local from Munich.

The patent application – entitled “Implantation of electronic chips in the human body for the purposes of determining its geographical location” – was filed on October 30, 2007, but was only published until last week, or 18 months after submission as required by German law, she said.

Monday, Germany declined the patent application.

But the device, naturally, still exists.

Somewhere out there, the late filmmaker Aaron Russo is shaking his head.

Stephen C. Webster, May 18th 2009
Currently listening:
De La Guarda
By De La Guarda
Release date: 1996-02-06
10:39 AM 
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Thursday, May 21, 2009 

Current mood:  flirty
Did your parents ever put you in a one piece when you were a little person? That was freedom my friend. So, last time I brought you granny glasses. This time I give you... The adult romper suit! Woohooo!



I love comfy clothes to kick about in. The delicious thing about a romper is, unlike a dress, you don't have to worry about your dignity when you're doing handstands. Brilliant! I saw that American Apparel have read my mind and "made the classic Long John sexy" (See above) YES. Sexy!

My oh my, I thought to myself. If American Apparel have had the foresight to deliver these genius items to girls like me, maybe others have had the same stroke of brilliance?

Aside from the total lack of simple handstand friendly outfits, my other bug bear with modern fashion is that they make WAY cooler stuff for kids than they do for grown ups. PERIOD.

To my delight I made a discovery of the same magnitude as that of Aladin first discovering his cave on both counts. What wonderment. What marvels!

Sold under the consumer friendly label "Adult footed pyjamas"



Can't you just see yourself wearing one of these every day? So easy. No "what goes with what?" (You couldn't really get any more coordinated). No "am I tucked in?" Hell - No shoes required!



I have nightmares on behalf of these two male models arriving for their shoot only to be handed these to wear. I do not normally find myself endorsing a product, but for these I can make an exception!

Lastly the star of the collection. The his n' hers. Now, you too can spend quality time with the one you love... in matching rompers!



These items of glory can be found at www.americanapparel.com, www.jumpinjammerz.com and www.pajamafreak.com.

No need to thank me!

10:44 PM 
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Thursday, May 21, 2009 

Current mood:  giggly


I've been watching My Own Worst Enemy, an NBC series about a guy who's got a split personality (created by a secret government agency of course) one who lives a regular family life and one who lives as a secret super spy! The lead in this is... Christian *sigh* Slater...

Christian Slater was my first crush. Ever since I saw him casually flick that dark quiff of his, and ride off dressed all in black on that badass motorcycle as JD in Heathers... I was sold. I remember scrawling "I ♥ Christian Slater" all over my school books in the first year of high school so at 11 or 12 years old. Awwwww!

Anyway, life goes on... boyfriends happen... celebrity crushes don't seem quite so astronomically awesome... and then one day a couple of years ago I saw that he was doing One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest on stage in the West End of London.

OH. MY. GOD.

So I get tickets, and I go along. I enjoyed the show... It was great and I truly thought he was ace on stage (you never know, could have been less than!). Afterwards I head to the stage door at the back of the theatre with all the other girls chanting "Christian! Christian!" dressed in their best impress-your-celebrity-crush outfits. I manage to get all the way right to the front, and I'm thinking, what do I say to him? "I really admire your work" nah... done to death... "I LOVE YOU! I hate your wife!" Fuck!

I'm stood there right in front of the stage door when it opens....

This is my moment. Christian Slater steps out of the door and is standing right in front of me, looking right at me. I FREEZE. I mean FREEZE. I suspect my mouth may be hanging open slightly. These seconds seem like hours in my skull and after a pause he reaches down to the theatre program that I'm clutching and says "Do you want me to sign this?"

I choke a little and then manage to squeeze out "uh... huh" in a super squeeky tone before the program is back in my hand, I'm given a handsome smile and then this mythological creature, turned real before my very eyes, has moved on to the next melting female.

I am SO embarassed by this story. Embarassed and maybe a little proud too :) Years on, I am happily married and can giggle goofily to my hearts content in front of My Own Worst Enemy, safe in the knowlege that embarassing yourself in front of Christian Slater is the kind of thing in life that you only have to do once.
Currently watching:
My Own Worst Enemy: The Complete Series [DVD] [Region 1] [US Import] [NTSC]
Release date: 2009-04-21
9:09 PM 
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