im starting to get ready for the new fall semester(yeah!) but i found this place called texas state school of acting. it is connected with the paramont theater in austin( the big theatre in austin) i am broken between taking calles just there or at ACC(austin community college) or at both. it is kind of a question i have been asking my self for a while. should i get a degree in acting and have teaching as a fall back or should i go to a acting school make connections and work my way through that way. i wish i could do both, but i also have bills to pay. what would be the best choice for my furture. i know i have a while to think about it, im only 21( and have no hopes of children anytime soon). i just know i have to make a decision very soon, cause not acting for this long is killing me...no really it is KILLING me!!  Is this what i should do , am i ment to do this or is it just somthing fun. am i good enough to make it( with some more work)

okay so its been a really long time scents i have put any thing on here or even been on here. just a little update. i got married on aug. 18th to my baby RAY!!! we went to mexico on our honeymoon and had to much fun. i already want to go back. then i packed up and moved to Austin to live with ray my new husband.  life has been great! don't get me wroung we have problem like any one else..money, time, and getting use to living  with each other in general. I would have it on other way though. I miss my friends and family though ,but I try as hard as i can to see them and talk when ever i can. I am working at a place called " texas roadhouse" and i have meet some pretty nice people. No luck so fare on the acting thing , but im going back to school in the spring so maybe then. no not maybe "yes" . we finally have commputer so i will be on here more often. oh and we are happily married with kitten. Mrs. scarlett our little balck cat. lets just say she is very frisky..very frisky. until next time..... misss you all and if i dont talk to you that much it does not mean i forgott you , it just means im bussy but im always thinking about you.  

i was watching the opreah shoaw today on race and how races see each other. like they were saying that black kids are tought to believe that whites are more meautiful then them  and asians are not beautiful because they have slanted eyes. I remeber being a kids and still now, think if i only had a butt like a black girl then i would be beautiful. Also  my favorite dolls when i was little where the asians and the ones that where the so called "friends". i thought they were so so pritty. Why do other think that whites are so pritty, when they are the ones that are unique and beautiful. come on every guys thing is to want to be with a asian woman or a big butted black girl. What guys thing is to be with a short, freakled face, big hipped white girl. lol..not to get down on my self cause some man thought i was beautiful. ( thats you ray :O)    ) just somthing to think about. if you guys have any memoris like me, tell me i. i would love to hear them.

im so tired fo people telling me i need to worrie about this and I don't need to worrie about this. then getting mad at me for no reason. i am working my butt off for this just as much as every one else. i am so over streesd with trying to figure everything out for every one and do evry thing. please some one take this off my hands. this is suppose to be fun and not give me a heart attack in the process. im trying to remeber way im doing this, but she want get off my back . any thime i say waht i want to do it" no lets not do this" or oh, no you don't want to do that" or " no we are not going to do that". this is my thing. i don't see her working her butt off for this and using all of her money that she has to pay for this.  honestly i want to elope and quite. but of course i can't do that cause little amanda always has to make sure every one is happy even though it means killer her self in return.I am pass being worm out, pass being drained, pass being overly happy about this any more. My god it should not be like this already!!!!! 

wow i have not done this in a while. well just a update on the wedding stuff. we have the place picked out and down payment on it. its at somthing lodge in nac. Its very woodsy and nice. We have some flower picked out  and i have my cake topper that is soooo cute. i have the dress in my closet and i got ray ring yesterday. the honeymoon is getting payed for as i type. so all in all we are good to go!! i can't wait, im so ready to be mrs. murley. Be done with this long distance crap and be in his arms forever. :O)  i hope all my friends get to come, its going to be a great, wonderful, funfill time. 

being sick sucks


that all i have to say.....it suck...big hair man balls(ehhh ..thats even gross for me...ehhh)

we had auditions lasty night for plays in 10. i had a blast, i hope no one thought i was being push because i keep rasing my hand to go next. i was just having alot of fun. I hope i get a part.( crosses fingers) its going to be awsome learning and doing  a play in just 2 and a half weeks. Some of us went to IHOP after the auditions and i had a blast there to. its been a while scents i have spent time with people other then my family and work. I missed all the guys( blows kiss) wish me luck i find out today if i got anything or not.

wee!!!

why do many people think if your an actor you have to be loud and out there. a common misconspetion. i know alot of great actors that are not the crazy, loud, in your face people that the public think actors should be. I am usally a quite person, not shy just quite. i talk when i want and if i don't feel like then i don't. i don't talk to hear the sound of my voice. many time when i tell people what I do, they are shocked and right away think that well you must be a bad actress scents your not loud and in your face. things that grind my gears...thank you for hearing me. if this happens to you to, tell me.


bye

how do you know if you made the right choice or not? what if ten years down the road, your think..well crap what do I do now. I have taking some time to think about what i want. I have been going to College for almost three years and i have found out some people are made for it some are not. I am one of those who are not. I have work ethicand smarts  in theater, but in other subjects im a flopp. What i would be happy doing is working, doing theater, spending time with friends and family, and work hard at things I know im good at and will use. At this point I'm not happy. I'm happy, but not really happy. I was trying to think the other day what makes me so unhappy and all of it comes down to school. I am not a slacker, not lazy, but I do have a harder time then other people and i know when to throw in the tail(SP). I know people think ..oh your making a big mistake, you will regreat it later. no what i will regreat is spending my whole life depressed and not doing what i really want to do. I say this alot, but you have one life to live.. would you rather spend it unhappy and rich or happy  and poor. The happiest times in my life where when my family had the less amount of money. I don't want to wake up in 20 years and be so depressed that i don't want to live any more. Now  wnat to do is, find a acting school, look for perfessional work, auddtion for things, and work my butt off for it.  I'm not giving up, I'm just finding a new way that works for me. 

A hard fact to learn is when your not good at somthing. I know im good at theater ,history, art, and anything artsy, but when it comes to math and science i would rather poke my eyes out. The thing is though that i need those for my degree. i have taken this math class now for the third time and i am trying in this class, really! But the thing with me being tired all the time, working, trying to find time to do every thing, well it has not been good for my school work. maybe i'm just not cut out for collge, but if i really want this then i have no other choice. I might be at a junior college for 6 years,but god i atless  want my associates. I don't feel like i'm lazy, but there are just some things that I have a much harder time at then others. Many people seem to forget i have sever dixlexia, i just try to hide it.I was working the AC bend concert and  Michel said somthing to me( and i know it was not ment to hurt anything)he said its a know fact that music people are much smarter then actors...no offense. In high school i never failed a class, and this failing classes stuff makes me feel like a failure. Like i will go in to take test and think i did awsome, but when i get it back i made like a 45 on it. I wish i did not feel like i had to prove somthig to every one, not be afraid of disapointing anyone, and just be me...take it as i go. My mom has started to get worse about taking over my life. i guess its because i'm moving this summer and she is trying to keep me here. Every time i tell her i want out of the house, lufkin, and start my own life..she does a guilt treatment. If i try to talk to her about my feelings about (MY OWN LFE) she gets mad. I have told her before this is my life...she says "oh i know", but she does not...ITS MY LIFE.  I get alot of support from my dad though and i am very thankful for him, he is my hero.