For a limited time (maybe very limited) I will be giving away free downloads of my newest record, Reinventing the Wheel. All you have to do is click on the little widget thing that is in this blog or on my profile. For those of you who don't know what a "little widget thing" is, join the club. I guess you can just think of it as a picture on a website that does stuff. That might be the official definition.
Anyways - you can download the whole record for free or you can pay what you want for it. If you ask me, I say you should pay lots of money for it. Just imagine that you were at your local carnival and you are hungry for a huge corn dog. It costs five dollars. You eat it and it is gone. It leaves you with a stomach ache. Now, you could pay that same amount for a CD that you will be able to keep forever and won't make your tummy hurt. Wait, now that you think about it - the CD sounds many times better than that stupid corn dog. It is probably at least 5 times better than that corn dog. So maybe you decide to pay $25 for it. It all depends on how hungry you are.
Honestly though, this is just a way for me to share a record that I really believe in with as many people as possible. So feel free to tell all of your friends. In fact, you can easily take this widget and put it on your MySpace page, Facebook page, blog, website ... basically anywhere on the web. Just click on the upper right corner of the widget where it says "share this" and it will tell you what to do.
As i said, this record will only be up for a limited time. However, after that - I plan to just give away different music. Maybe my last record. Maybe some new demos and special songs. Who knows? If you have any requests let me know - but keep in mind that they actually have to be my songs. Don't request that i give away Coldplay's new record for free. They are only worth two corndogs anyways.
Download away ...

I am coming to the Houston area for a show in Tomball on Wednesday night the 30th of July. The details are on my website andygullahorn.com. Hope you can make it.
Also, if you are interested in putting on a show or a house concert in that area - I can do some shows around that date. Let me know if you are interested.

(I have decided that in order to make the news sound more official, I will be writing the news in third person. This will also make me seem less interested in my own career and accolades. I might also use words like "us" to make it seem like there is a team of people working for me.)

Somehow my, I mean Andy's, record made it to some important people who write for magazines. He is very grateful for this.

There was a very nice and long review in Christian Musician magazine. It is too long for us to quote here. Just tons and tons of words about how great the record is. Just take our word for it. Andy would like to thank Shane for the kind words.

The May/June issue of Discipleship Journal listed Andy's latest CD as one of their "DJ Picks". It says ...
"OK, so the real reason I listened to Andy's CD is because I'd heard there was a tribute song to his friend's toe, which was cut off by a lawn mower. That song, "Roast Beef", will make you laugh, but it may also leave you feeling as if you've encountered something profound. Which is the effect of this entire CD. How could something so simple - a guy, an acoustic guitar, lyrics about cholesterol and Dora the Explorer - be so eloquent and insightful? I chalk it up, in part, to Gullahorn's unusual honesty about his (and our) humanity and his musical pointing to the unfailing grace of God. If you like a folk sound and great storytelling, head to www.andygullahorn.com for this gem." - Sue Kline, Discipleship Journal

Andy is very grateful for such kind words. Andy has heard from many people who found out about his music through this magazine. Andy would like to thank the people at Discipleship Journal.

The June 2008 issue of Christian Single magazine reviews Reinventing The Wheel as well giving it four stars out of a possible three. Either that or out of five. I can't remember. Either way - it is a lot better than 3.5 stars (take that Natalie Grant). (Andy actually doesn't mean any disrespect to Natalie Grant. Andy likes Natalie and her husband and was only using her as an example from the same magazine. Actually, it wasn't Andy using her as an example - it was us, his team of workers.) Anyways, this is what the review said ...
"Andy Gullahorn has a knack for finding spiritual truths in the ordinary occurrences of life. And that's precisely what makes his music instantly memorable and relatable on Reinventing the Wheel. With the simplicity of acoustic guitar, Gullahorn creates intricate melodies that keep the songs interesting and colorful. Even more distinctive than the music itself are his poetic, meaningful lyrics that reflect the ups and downs of the faith journey. In "More of a Man", what's ultimately one of the album's best tracks, he's quick to admit that he's not always the coolest kid on the block. Then with "Original Cliche" and "Desperate Man" Gullahorn aptly reminds listeners that we all fall short without God's grace - a message that's always worth hearing in a new way." - Christa Banister, Christian Single

By the way - the "Christian Single" next to Christa's name above is not part of her title. It is just the magazine she is writing for. Andy is very grateful for Christa's support of his record although he is slightly offended that she thinks he is not the "coolest kid on the block".

If all of these legitimate people like Andy's record, then maybe you would like it too. Actually, all of your friends would probably like it as well so buy a bunch of copies and give them away.

I am starting a new segment on my website called "Predicting the Future". In addition to my crazy web skillz I believe I have quite the knack for predicting the future in a few cases. For example, I predicted that Pamela Anderson would probably get a divorce from that last guy she married. I also predicted years ago that Britney Spears was going to be unhappy with some of her life choices. I know - both of those were really going out on a limb - but those are the kind of risks I am willing to take. Today I will look into the future life of Katherine Heigl.

See the post at andygullahorn.com

French Fries

It has been quite a while since I have reviewed anything or posted any sort of blog so I thought I would return with a very important topic – French Fries.

Since my job as a national music superstar involves quite a bit of travel and thus quite a bit of dining at fast food establishments, I consider myself an expert in the field. I must make the disclaimer, however (in case my wife is reading), that I have severely cut down on my fast food intake.

Anyways, I thought it would be beneficial to the general public for me to rank one of the staples of fast food side items – the french fry. Occasionally there are some other side items available – the best of which would be the cheese curds at the A&W restaurants – but for now I am only ranking the french fries at major fast food restaurant chains.

10. Krystal
Upside: They fill the emptiness in your stomach
Downside: They don't taste very good
I lived in Nashville for ten years before I even dared to eat at this place. I had some of their little Krystal-Chik sandwiches and was pleasantly surprised so I have been back on occasion. Like any other American, I have been programmed to need fries and a drink with every food purchase so I am forced to get their fries whenever I eat there. These fries are as close to a neutral taste as you get. They don't have much salt (if any) and are often limp and soggy. If you don't have ketchup or anything you might as well just soak the paper cover you took off of your straw and eat it.

9. Wendy's
Upside: Frosty dipping
Downside: Can sometimes actually taste bad
At their best, Wendy's fries can be good enough to make you want to eat all of the ones you paid for. At their worst they can have an aftertaste that will make you long for a Krystal fry. The only reason these fries are ranked higher than Krystal is because they sometimes have salt on them and there is always the possibility that you could be dipping them into a frosty. I recently had some of their fries with the aftertaste problem. They tasted OK at first and then the salty taste gave way to some metallic taste like I was handling old pennies all day and then licked my fingers. Not recommended.

8. Sonic
Upside: Tater Tot substitution
Downside: Fries are generic
Sonic's strongpoint is not their fry. I go for the Cherry Limeade. Their fries are very middle-of-the-road similar to ones you might get at a baseball game or something – but they get extra points for offering the tater tot alternative. I usually take advantage of this substitution option. Tater tots are always the superior choice not only because they taste better, but they actually trick you into thinking that you are eating potatoes rather than fries.

7. Burger King
Upside: Unique taste
Downside: Unique taste
These fries have a unique taste that is not necessarily better than the other joints, but they stand out because they have a little bit more of a crunchy element to them and they are usually fairly salty.

6. Steak-n-Shake
Upside: Skinny and salty
Downside: Somehow harder to eat
I have a love-hate relationship with this kind of fry. They are really skinny and taste pretty good but they aren't as fun to eat as bigger fries are. I always feel like I need to use a fork or something.

5. KFC
Upside: Crusty Seasoned taste
Downside: Pam Anderson will be mad at you
Most people haven't tried these "potato wedges" before but they are missing out. They are caked in some of that "seasoned fry" batter and actually taste pretty good. Also, being "wedges" instead of "fries" once again makes you feel better because you feel like you are eating more actual potato. It is not really any better for you, but perception is everything.

4. McDonalds
Upside: Salt
Downside: Obesity and eventual death
This is the highest ranking "standard fry" in my book. The secret? Salt and more salt. The fact that I like McDonalds' fries so much makes me wonder if it would be a good idea to buy one of those salt blocks they make for cows and just keep it on my kitchen counter so that I can lick it whenever I pass by. They are a guilty pleasure for sure. I gave them up for a while along with all other McDonalds food after I watched Super Size Me. Unfortunately my ban was quite short-lived. The first time I was in a car with someone who ordered those fries – I knew I just had to have them again. I think they are made with some type of addictive drug.

3. Arby's
Upside: Seasoning taste
Downside: Less food mass per order
I am talking about the seasoned curly fries here because as far as I am concerned there is no other option at this place. These fries taste great. The only downside is that I am convinced that they can't fit very many of those spiral fries in the little fry cups – so you are getting less fry for the money.

2. Chik-Fil-A
Upside: Healthy illusion
Downside: No fries on Sunday
Somehow when you take salty fries and serve them in a waffle shape, they feel healthier. I don't know that I would like these fries as much as McDonalds if they were just normal fry-shape but the fact that you might be able to see the skin of the potato on the fry makes you feel that you are eating much healthier. To make them even better, I dip them in the Polynesian sauce I get for my awesome nuggets. It is quite a combo.

1. Checkers/Rally's
Upside: Mostest Awesomest Taste
Downside: I can't stop eating them
Some people have never experienced these fries, but for a fan of the seasoned fry, Checkers is the greatest place in the world. Maybe by ranking them number one I will get an official endorsement with them to receive free fries for the rest of my life. If you see me sometime soon and I look swollen, you will know why.

*There are other places that have wonderful fries like In-N-Out, Ruby Tuesday's, Five Guys and Red Robin – but they do not qualify for this test.

Well, I am happy to say that I delivered my new record to the manufacturer this week. It should be done printing around Thanksgiving (hopefully before the Christmas tour). I put a couple of the songs up here on my profile. We will probably start pre-selling them on www.jillphillips.com soon.

Jill and I invited our good friends Mark and Molly Nicholas over to watch the Golden Globes with us. We got a late start having to put the kids to bed, but thanks to TiVo we didn't miss a thing. We all filled out the Golden Globe ballots – trying to guess the winners. But before we watched the actual awards show, we had to watch the last hour of Live from the Red Carpet on the fabulous E channel.
Here is my journal just in case you didn't watch it but wanted all of the important details.



Live from the Red Carpet Quotes


"Ugly Betty, who is so Pretty Betty" – Ryan Seacrest

"I'm not a big ruffle person" – Jill in response to the dress worn by Penelope Cruz

"I've never worn navy." – Eva Longoria

"Raise your hand if you have the greatest gig in the world." – Seacrest as he stares down another actress

"That's like a roman shield on her finger" – Mark about J LO's ring

"It's cold, it's white and we're zooming in." – Seacrest to Ellen Pompeo from Grey's Anatomy (file under: things I didn't need to see)

"I love her dress" – Jill about Dane Cook's date

"Her hair is like my 3rd Grade school picture" – Molly about Kyra Sedgewick

"See you in there dawg" – Leonardo DiCaprio to Djimon Hounsou

"She got the spray tan." – Mark about Drew Barrymonre.

"He's going as Bob Ross." – Molly about Will Ferrell

"He's a tool." – all of us about Justin Timberlake

"That looks like Adie's hair when she wakes up." – Me about Cate Blanchett's hair

"He impregnated Scary Spice?" – Andy to Molly about Eddie Murphy

"I've got bedroom eyes." – Mark speaking in his best Angelina Jolie voice.

"Beyonce never fails to disappoint on the red carpet. You go girl." – one of the many incredibly annoying text messages scrolling across the bottom of the TV screen. I don't think the texter actually meant what he/she texted – although I agree with the mis-typed statement. Pay "standard" texting fees and you, too, can say something dumb on national TV.

"Looks like something Elvira would wear." – Mark about Sharon Stone

"I like that girl's hair." – Mark about Sienna Miller. I silently agrees because I know better. Jude Law is an idiot. That is all I will say.



GOLDEN GLOBES

Opens to the "One night only" song while all of the stars walk in. I find out later in the evening that this song is from the Dreamgirls movie. I guess it is better than that cheesy original song the Oscar's usually open with – mentioning all of the stars' names in the lyrics. Speaking of the movie Dreamgirls, I haven't seen it. I probably will never see it. Even though I watch Gilmore Girls, I can't ever imagine feeling comfortable asking for a ticket to "Dreamgirls".

We have been killing time by playing the "Who is going to play us" game where you pick the celebrity that will play you in your life movie. I say Kevin Kline because I like him, but the truth is it should probably be Haley Joel Osment for my childhood and some mixture of Peyton Manning and Alan Ruck for the rest of my life. Jill will be played by Julia Louise Dreyfus. Mark will be played by either Jason Schwartzman or David Arquette. Molly will be played by Nicole Kidman. I believe my options are the least flattering.

George "Ladies Man" Clooney presents BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN MOTION PICTURE. "How could you not like him," asks Jill. He makes some joke about Leonardo DiCaprio being nominated a bunch. JENNIFER HUDSON wins. She was on our fantasy American Idol team a couple years back. Molly, Jill and I get it right. I keep getting distracted from the speech by the noise from picking up the dishes at the Globes.

Justin "I think I'm so cool" Timberlake presents BEST ORIGINAL SONG IN MOTION PICTURE. Timberlake tries to make another joke about Leo. Not funny. What a tool. PRINCE wins for Song of the Heart. Apparently Prince is stuck in traffic. Timberlake accepts it for him while ducking down to be really short. What a punk. Show some respect. None of us guessed this award correctly.

Adrien "I don't know you" Grenier from Entourage and Eva "Lawn Boy" Longoria come out to introduce Miss Golden Globe – Jack Nicholson's daughter. She is much prettier than Jack. BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A SERIES, MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE. Does anyone watch miniseries or TV movies? I sure don't. Team Nicholas picked Jeremy Irons. Jill and I picked Jeremy Piven. I hope we kill them. JEREMY IRONS wins. Molly takes the lead. Shows what I know.

Tina "All of a sudden I think I am sexy" Fey and David "Tommy Boy was my high point" Spade come out. Nicolette Sheridan had a Faith Hill moment – making some weird reaction face on camera. They begin presenting The Least Humorous Performance by a Female in a TV Series. BEST ACTRESS IN TV DRAMA. Medium? Are you kidding me? I watched some of that show once. It was awful. I picked Grey's Anatomy girl. KYRA SEDGWICK wins for the Closer. Molly got it right. She is beating us all 3 to 1.

Naomi "Kong" Watts introduces scenes from Babel. I don't know much about Naomi or this movie so I have no comments about either.

Renee "Chesney" Zelwegger walks out. I am not good at impersonations, but for some reason people say I make a good Renee Zelwegger face. Basically I just smile really big until it looks like my eyes are closed and my cheeks are as big and round as grapefruits. Then I look around like I have no clue what is happening. The camera shows Donald Trump. Why is he there? Renee salutes the Hollywood Foreign Press. Introduces Phillip Burke. He looks like Geoffrey Rush. I start fast forwarding my TiVo.

Jessica "Seventh Heaven Gone Wild" Biel and Sean "Enough Already" Combs present BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN TV SERIES, MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE. Mark has been drooling over Jessica all night long. I picked Sarah Paulson from Studio 60 to win. Emily Blunt wins. I have no clue who she is – but she looks nice enough. None of us picked her.

The cast of Heroes comes out. Jess from Gilmore Girls is on there. Jill always liked him. They present BEST ACTOR IN A TV SERIES DRAMA. I picked Kiefer Sutherland. All of my friends love 24. I figured he should win. We all did. HUGH LAURIE won. We suck at picking the winners.

Charlie "Hot Shots was my High Point" Sheen introduces the movie Bobby. Does anybody watch Charlie's TV show? How is it still on?

Steve "I'm not Gervais but I am still funny" Carrell presents BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM. Best Animated Feature Film. How many penguin movies could there be? CARS is the winner. I watched that movie with Drew. It was pretty good. The guy accepting it looks like he just stepped off the treadmill. He is super sweaty. We all picked it right. We are awesome at picking the winners.

Joaquin "Cash" Phoenix presents BEST ACTRESS MOTION PICTURE MUSICAL OR COMEDY. Mark and I picked Annette Bening - otherwise known as the pretty old lady. Jill and Molly picked Meryl Streep. Cliché. MERYL STREEP. Molly is killing us.

Ben "Same old Schtick" Stiller. Looks old. Bad Highlights. Introduces Borat. Play a short clip.

Salma "Unibrow" Hayek presents BEST MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE. This is definitely a category that means very little to me. Jill and I picked Elizabeth I. ELIZABETH I. I knew it. I love this category.

Rachel "Nothing Bad To Say About Her" Weisz presents BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE. Jill, Molly and I picked Jack Nicholson. The Departed was one of the only movies we saw this year. It was pretty rough but really good. EDDIE MURPHY won. Eddie Murphy? None of us voted for him. Who would have thunk it. We suck at picking the winners.

Sarah Jessica "Square Pegs" Parker introduces Devil Wears Prada.

Sienna "Not the Nanny" Miller and Terrence "Hustle and Flow" Howard present BEST ACTOR IN A MINISERIES. Sienna Miller gets my award. (Just checking if you are reading this, Jill) I picked Chiwetel Ejiofor. BILL NIGHY. Mark picked it right.

Sienna and Terrence stay for BEST ACTRESS IN MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE.
HELEN MIRREN won for Elizabeth I. Jill picked it right. She is tied with Molly with 5 points. Mark and I have 3.

Cameron "Dance Crazy In Every Movie" Diaz introduces The Departed. Poor girl. She was dating one of the world's biggest tools and actually kind of got dumped by him for Scarlett Johanssen. Is Martin Scorcese a muppet? His eyebrows are awesome.

Jake "Brokeback" Gyllenhall and Hillary "Coach" Swank present BEST SCREENPLAY. I picked the Departed guy along with Jill and Molly. PETER MORGAN won for The Queen.

Tim "The Toolman" Allen and Vanessa "Save The Best For Last" Williams. Her hair is interesting. BEST ACTOR IN TV MUSICAL OR COMEDY. Jill and I picked Steve Carell. ALEC BALDWIN. I can't stand that guy. I don't really think 30 Rock is that good. Come on – the Office is funny.

Geena "Lothar" Davis and James "B Movie" Woods present BEST TV SERIES COMEDY OR MUSICAL. We all picked the Office because it should win. UGLY BETTY. Oh my gosh. These foreign press people are just stupid. This is ridiculous. The awards are going to any show that has some sort of foreign connection. I wish I knew about this trend before I made my picks.

Jaime "Ghetto when I Have to be" Foxx introduces Dreamgirls.

Djimon "Amistad" Huntsu and Sharon "Please stop making those movies" Stone introduce BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM. Jill and I picked Volver – the one with Penelope Cruz in it. Mark and Molly picked Letters from Iwo Jima.. LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA. Molly takes the lead again. Mark leaves me in last place.

Jeremy "Used to look like MacGyver" Irons introduces The Queen.

Hugh "Romantic Comedy" Grant and Drew "E.T." Barrymore first get Prince to stand up and take a bow then present BEST ORIGINAL SCORE. I picked the one for The Fountain. ALEXANDRE DESPLAT won for The Painted Veil. None of us got it. Man, this year is hard.

Jennifer Love "Pop Singer?" Hewitt and John "Full House" Stamos present BEST ACTRESS IN TV COMEDY OR MUSICAL. I picked Mary-Louise Parker. I have liked her ever since her role in Grand Canyon. AMERICA FERRERA wins for Ugly Betty. Our thoughts were confirmed. The HFPA picks the people with the most foreign-sounding names.

The best moment of the evening happens when America is waiting to be interviewed after getting the award and then decides not to wait for the interview lady – then comes back for the interview. It was worth rewinding and watching a couple of times.

Tom "Bosom Buddy" Hanks presents the Cecil B. Demille award to Warren Beatty. Sorry, but we fast forward through the speech.

Dustin "Only on the driveway" Hoffman makes a joke about Ishtar then introduces Little Miss Sunshine.

Steven "Al Andrews" Spielberg presents BEST DIRECTOR. We all picked Scorsese. SCORSESE. We are awesome.

Reese "Sporting the Bangs" Witherspoon presents BEST ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE COMEDY. Molly and Jill gasp at how skinny Reese is. Whatever. That is what girls do. We all picked Sacha Baron Cohen. SACHA BARON COHEN wins for Borat. I think he deserved it. He gives a pretty disgusting speech about his nude wrestling scene. I saw that movie with a few of my guy friends. Parts of it were funny – but it wasn't as funny as I had heard it was. That might have had something to do with the fact that there were only 8 people in the theater. I guess you have to see movies like that on the opening weekend for the full fun experience.

Dane "Famous Out of Nowhere" Cook presents Thank You for Smoking.

Jennifer "Anaconda was my high point" Lopez – one of the great actresses of our time – presents BEST MOTION PICTURE COMEDY OR MUSICAL. I picked Little Miss Sunshine. I want to see that movie. DREAMGIRLS. I don't really want to see that movie. Molly picked it

Courtney "Family Ties" Cox and David "Call Collect" Arquette present BEST TV SERIES DRAMA. I picked 24. GREY'S ANATOMY. None of us picked it. I should have. I suck.

Philip "Mark Nicholas" Seymour Hoffman presents BEST ACTRESS MOTION PICTURE DRAMA. Jill, Molly and I guessed Helen Mirren. HELEN MIRREN. Molly is winning with 10 points. Jill has 8 points. Mark and I have 6.

Felicity "Sports Night" Huffman presents BEST ACTOR MOTION PICTURE. I picked Leo for Departed – once again the only movie I saw. FOREST WHITAKER. Mark, Molly and Jill all picked him. I am now in last place again.

Arnold "Not a Tumor" Schwarzenegger comes out on crutches to present BEST MOTION PICTURE. Alec Baldwin gave him a mocking clap. I don't like that guy. Best Motion Picture goes to BABEL. None of us got it. Molly wins again. I am last place again.

After the Babel speech, Arnold comes back out to say something like "Remember next year – We'll be back." He looks especially pained having to read this line. That would have to get old.

Time for bed.

I know this is kind of last minute, but I don't ask for help that often - and I need some tonight. Here is what I need.

I need Chad Johnson to score at least 2 touchdowns or at least one touchdown and over 100 yards tonight against the Colts.

I need Shayne Graham, the Bengals' kicker, to score at least 6 points.

I ended up in 1st place in both of my fantasy leagues and am now facing elimination in the first round of playoffs in both leagues. Help me to keep this wonder season going.

Thanks,
Andy G

"Where is Joe?"

Jill asked me this question as I was downing my Hungry Howie's Sausage Pizza in the Detroit Airport. She wanted me to get the cheese one like she did but I have a weakness for sausage pizza even when she says it looks like rabbit pellets. I told her I was fine with poop pizza. My stomach can't be fooled with fecal associations.

After looking at her blankly for a long 10 seconds I said, "I am not answering your question."

She looked at me as if I had just responded in Portuguese. It was a look I am somewhat familiar with. After a short time of staring at me in bewilderment she finally looked as if she understood my Portuguese response. She remembered that I don't respond to any questions about Joe.

Not responding to questions about Joe is a rule I learned growing up just like the one about taking my dirty dishes to the sink. There were times I would forget and leave the kitchen a mess but someone was always there to remind me of the rule until I just did it out of habit. The first few times someone in my family asked me about Joe, I would respond with a "Joe who?" which was always followed with the swift, humbling consequences of such a folly. It wasn't long before I had learned my lesson and, out of habit, would never answer a question about Joe again.

Jill did not grow up in the same family (for which I am grateful on a number of levels). She was asking about a guy named Joe that we met in the Boston airport a few hours before our pizza feast in Detroit. He was headed back home from New England to Nashville like we were. Jill and I were sitting there waiting for the plane when he walked up and said that he knew who we were. I had actually met him less than a year ago at Union University in Jackson, TN. He is a recruiter for the school and had spent the last few days at college fairs in the Northeast. He sat down with us and chatted for a bit until we boarded the plane and he went to his seat 20 rows behind us.

It was an honest question. She was wondering if I had seen him in the gate area for the Nashville flight. I hadn't. I could have stated that fact but my habitual non-response to questions about Joe (or Sue for that matter - which traditionally brought about the same joke but in Spanish) took over. When I realized that she wasn't trying to trick me I started thinking about the huge differences in how the two of us were raised.

In many ways our childhoods were very much alike. We were both taught to respect our parents and other people. We were always told that we were special and could be whatever we wanted to be. We were both expected to get good grades in school - and did (with the exception of my 1st semester in college). We never had reason to doubt that we were loved. If life IS a highway like Tom Cochrane said it was, Jill and I spent most of our lives on that same road growing up. Occasionally, though, I would take an alternate loop around the city.

While Jill was learning through a consistent life routine that you can always trust your family, I was learning never to ask my dad how long it would take to get from one destination to another. If it was a few miles away he would inevitably insist it would take hours. If it was hours away he would say it was right around the block. This practice extended to just about any question of little consequence that was posed to my father and eventually any of my family members.

To be fair, I really didn't mind that little detour whenever we took it. In fact, that is one aspect of my family that I am strangely proud of. No one could accuse us of taking anything too seriously. It became like a game of "slug bug." When you spend all your carpool time looking for Volkswagen Beetles you develop a keen awareness of how to spot the next one. It got to the point where I was not only catching myself before lobbing a question out for my dad or brothers to slam back at me, but I was actually on the lookout for the lobs that they would innocently send my way. Years of this training helped to make me the sarcastic man that I am.

In contrast, sarcasm was never on the menu at Jill's family dinners. When she asked questions, she actually got the correct answer. This might explain her first encounter with my dad not long after we started dating in college. After taking my advice and refusing a "breath mint" from my father which was actually a chili piquin pepper (one of the hottest peppers out there) they got into a conversation about politics which really caught Jill's attention because she was an avid watcher of shows like Meet The Press and Hardball with Chris Matthews. My dad works in politics and started telling Jill an inside story about a certain female politician who had a face lift and made a pair of boots with the left over skin they removed from her neck. Jill was dumbfounded. She responded with something like, "I didn't know they could do that." No sarcasm. I quickly told her it wasn't true before my dad started getting creative with other pieces of clothing made from other parts of the body.

Sitting there in Detroit with a personal pizza box on my lap I realized that while Jill's natural tendency was to take someone at their word, mine was more of a guilty until proven innocent approach. For example, if someone said "Nice guitar solo" after a show I would immediately assume that they were joking whether they were being earnest or not. My response would be along those lines with a "yeah, whatever." I think this fact about myself prompts the people I know well to just feed me what I am expecting. Whenever I tell my pastor that I am playing a show in town he will usually say something like "why would I want to waste my time listening to crappy music." If Jill was the one extending the invitation his response would be more along the lines of "I would love to come if I can."

I can remember a friend of mine telling me that one of the things that annoyed him about his father was the way his dad would instinctively frame his beer belly with his hands when communicating an idea. He would say something like, "I think we should go get some Chinese tonight" while using his stomach as a resting spot for his weary limbs. Even worse to my friend was the realization that he made the same pose whenever suggesting a night out for dinner with his wife.

Similarly, once I got married I found myself exasperating Jill in the same way my dad exasperated me. I started to answer her questions with an exaggeration in whichever direction that would cause her the most stress, anxiety or anger. If she asks me what I am watching on TV, I usually go into some elaborate story about Nancy McKeon in a made for TV movie about women who are forced to wear shoes two sizes too small. If she calls to check in on the kids when I am watching them, I usually act like I accidentally lost one of them. I also occasionally ask her questions about Joe.

"Did you talk to Joe today?" "Does Joe know that we are going to be late?" "Sorry I am late. I was over at Joe's house". "Where does Joe live again?" "Joe said that we should definitely watch Gymkata."

It took a while for Jill to stop asking "Joe who?" around me and my family. It was kind of like shock treatment for a lab rat. She would go to that water feeder thinking it was a water feeder only to get a cruel dose of electricity. Eventually she stopped going there to drink. She even tried on occasion to trick us into drinking from it. In the end, I had successfully turned a trusting and kind subject into a skeptical and conniving one. Job well done? Only Joe knows.

Joe mama.

Whenever I go visit my parents or my mother-in-law, I always end up with new socks, shirts, hats, jackets, wallets really just new stuff. This is one of the reasons why I never go shopping. I dont feel like I need anything. Though I am sure they give me these things because they love me, I think I can explain the main reason for their desire to replenish my wardrobe.

1. They help with the laundry
2. They notice holes in the socks
3. They notice the yellow arm-pitted old undershirts
4. They handle the T-Shirts that are worn thinner than a Kleenex tissue
5. They see the pants that are frayed on the bottom from dragging the ground
6. They watch me use a wallet that is falling apart
7. They feel pity/embarrassment

I could write about the hat that I have had for 15 years, Old Hat, that has a cracked bill and a nasty black ring around the top from years of sweat. I could tell you the story about my loving wife, Jill, contacting the baseball coach from San Jacinto Junior College to acquire two more hats just like this old hat and how I have had no interest in wearing them.

I could write about the wallet that I have used since the 4th grade at least that is when I put the Early Times hot air balloon sticker on it. I could tell you about how the Christian Dior logo has almost completely worn off of the leather that is decorated by old Michael Jordan Stickers I put on in the 80s. I could tell you about the drawer in my desk that has various new wallets and money clips I have collected over the years as Christmas and Fathers Day presents and how I have transferred the contents from the old to the new a number of times only to realize that I love the old one best.

I could talk about my jeans and pants theory how the food and dirt will eventually fall off if you wear them long enough eliminating the need to wash them more than once every couple of weeks. I could tell you about the time I emptied the pockets of my favorite jeans before throwing them in the washing machine and found receipts from 27 days earlier and 6 different hotel keys in the back left pocket (where I always put my hotel keys). I had been wearing those jeans every day for a month.

Today, however, I am writing about my watch. It is, or was, a Timex Ironman digital watch with Indiglo. It came with one of those standard black plastic/rubber watch bands back when I bought it about ten years ago from Walmart. The band was quickly replaced with one of those Velcro bands with the patterns on them. Over time, the Velcro wore off and I had to get another band, and another one, etc. The band it is attached to now is just plain black Velcro. I think it used to have some green fabric on top of the Velcro, but it wore off long ago. I also had to cut the end of the strap because it wasnt sticking anymore. I have replaced the battery probably as much as I have the strap.

Last year Jill heard me complain about how hard it was to push the buttons on my watch one night when I was trying to set the alarm. She, like most normal human beings, took that as a clue that it might be time for a new one instead of taking it the way it was intended a shameless plea for pity. On Christmas morning I unwrapped an Arnette watch from the Sunglass Hut. That is not a real fancy brand, I guess, but it was more sophisticated (and expensive) than the watch that traditionally takes a lickin and keeps on tickin. Jill knew I wouldnt go for something really trendy or dressy, so she thought this digital watch with a big face and a big leather band with silver stuff on it might be somewhere in the middle. I honestly tried to make it work but everytime I put it on I felt like Mark McGrath for some reason. Dont ask me why. It just wasnt me. Jill told me to exchange it for something else so I took it back and had them refund the credit card because I couldnt find anything that would suit my needs as well as my old Ironman could difficult buttons included.

Six months later I made the mistake of wearing this old watch in the Atlantic Ocean. Later that day you could see some condensation inside the face of the watch and in a matter of hours the numbers disappeared. By the next morning, the indiglo stopped working and it looked like ink had been poured inside. I left it outside in the sun with the hope that it would magically dry out and start working again. It didnt.

So I was faced with this question What do I do with this broken watch? For some people, there isnt a question at all. Just throw it away. It doesnt work. It isnt valuable. It has no use whatsoever. For me, however, it was a difficult question. Of course, this is coming from a self-proclaimed pack rat who once considered saving the little hair particles that he cleaned out from his first electric razor. I mean - it was a part of me. I couldnt just throw it away. (Well, actually I could and I did. Kind of creepy.)

Anyways, as I was looking at the sad blank watch and thought of just throwing it away, I was reminded of something. I was wearing that watch with my college graduation robe. I was wearing it when I proposed to Jill on a rectangular concrete slab that used to be home to a bench swing. It has been with me during every live show and studio session in my career as a professional musician. That watch was strapped on my left wrist when I was holding my wifes hand telling her to breathe and push and breathe while delivering our first son. I wore it when I visited my father-in-law in the hospital a few hours before he passed away. I wore it about a year later when our daughter was born. I used the Indiglo on countless nights as a not so bright flashlight to find a pacifier that fell out of the crib. I wore it as I signed the contract to buy our first home and as I signed the contract to sell it six years later. I wore it through the worst days of my relatively young life looking at it every couple of minutes wishing that time would go much faster. I also wore it on my best days when I wish time could stand still.

As the life of this watch flashed before my eyes, I realized something about myself. I like history. No not the study of the different ages and wars and stuff. I am talking about shared experiences and memories. To me, that kind of history is a priceless commodity. Why? Because I have been that watch before. There were times when I really felt I had nothing to offer the people around me. To keep me around would just be a burden. I didnt work like I used to. I was broken. I honestly expected my friends and family to toss me aside and I would have understood. But they didnt.
Luckily the history I shared with my family and friends formed a foundation that was something like a trampoline it not only broke my fall but helped me to bounce back. They didnt treat me like a Rolex that stopped working two days after buying it returning it to get their investment back. Actually, the fact I was broken had little bearing on the way they felt about me. That time was just a drop in the ocean of the time that we had already shared and the times we would share in the future. They knew that my failures didnt paint a complete picture of who I really was any more than my one and only dunk in a college intramural game painted a complete picture of my basketball career. They saw the big picture. The more history the bigger the picture.

So I guess that is what I see when I look at this broken down timekeeper the big picture. Now, unfortunately, I dont think this guy is ever going to bounce back. But the least I can do for my old friend is give him a spot in the drawer by my bed with that candle my little sister made for me, the box Jills wedding ring came in, the note my little brother wrote me the night before I got married, my father-in-laws handkerchief, my first homemade Fathers day card and all of the other things I dont have a practical use for but keep for sentimental reasons.

You cant see the digital numbers anymore. The Indiglo doesnt work. But I decided to keep him anyways. Yesterday I put him in my backpack to fly back home with me from the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Maybe, just maybe, around 8:15 tomorrow morning I will hear an alarm beeping from inside my bedside drawer the same one I heard coming from my backpack this morning letting me know hes not quite through yet and reminding me of our great history together.