Here's a scary thought: it's probably not mere coincidence that Election Day shares the same holiday season as Halloween. After all, don't both Election Day and Halloween deal with the same thing-- FEAR? Are they pretty much the same holiday?

The razor blade in the apple- thing never happened; and neither did weapons of mass destruction.

Masks are worn to fend off evil spirits, or to convince voters that you have a soul.

Candy is distributed. It can take literal form, or bailout form. Either way, it makes you sick to your stomach...

The Harvest is in!!! ... and so is the fix, probably...

Here's voting for president to me--- "Let's see... crap? or shit?... which synonym for excrement do I feel represents me?..."

Look, I know who I'm gonna' vote for, but given some of the stuff I've been reading lately, I don't really think we have many choices about what's coming.

The one thing I HAVEN'T been doing is watching a lot of TV (except Smallville, ofcourse...). I mean Election coverage-- this crap is scary, infuriating, and just plain ridiculous.

Plus, you're not supposed to watch TV this time of year, haven't we learned anything?--



"... take it off the air... please..." Pretty much sums it up, eh?

There seems to be some nervousness out there about what may be in store, and I can't blame anyone because the prospects of our financial future are pretty damn terrifying.

What will it be like if the shit really DOES hit the fan? I don't know.

But there is something I feel, a continued spiritual awakening, a hope that we may be heading for unity in these times of adversity.

I'm not sure what to say about any of this yet, but I feel on the verge of something. So, for now, since this is starting to feel like Reaganomics and the 80's all over again, I'll just play a video I remember from that era.

Two incomparable artists held in a protective embrace and encouraging each other despite feelings of desperation and despair. Will we, I wonder, have the fortitude?

Nothing long or complex here, just do yourself a favor and see this movie:




I just saw this at the Enzian, and for some reason, I really NEEDED this film tonight.

There is no "why?"... brilliant.

Bumper stickers crack me up; mostly because they are statements of philosophy or opinion that have been placed on the back of a forward-moving vehicle, as if to say, "Here's how I feel, but whether or not you agree, I'm leaving you anyway..."

If you could put your philosophy of life on a bumper sticker, what would it say?

The title of this blog is a pretty decent one. Hamartia is a greek term derived from an older archery term that means "to miss the mark." Aristotle took that ol' term and refined it in "The Poetics," and it is the greek word used in the New Testament whenever you see the word "sin." We all miss the mark now and again. I think the real goal is to keep focused, and keep aiming for the center.

So, Hamartia Happens.

Just like Shit Happens. or, (I like this one,) Caca Occurs.

Here's some more I'd like to put on my vehicle, to compete for attention with all the Obama and McCain stickers:

Jesus Loves My Honor Roll Student-- But He Also Loves The Guy Who's Gonna' Steal This Car, So What Can Ya' Do?

The Only Thing Missing Is A Sticker Of Calvin Pissing On Something (and I Mean John Calvin)

It Will Be A Great Day When Schools Have All The Money They Need And The Military Has To Hold A Bake Sale To Buy A Bomb, And I Win The Lottery So I Can Finally Build That Underground Lair And Plot The Downfall Of All The People Who Suck

This World Is A Dream. So Wake Up, Assholes!

Visualize World Peace. And While You're At It-- Visualize No-Strings-Attached Sex. I Mean, As Long As You're Dreamin'...

Crap V.S. Shit -- Vote For President In 2008

The Problem Isn't The Puppets. It's The ONE Puppeteer That's Fuckin' Up The Whole Show.

News Flash Youngsters-- You Will NOT Be Famous. Now, Go Back To Complaining About That Education You're Wasting.

There Are 2 Kinds Of People. Those That Believe There Is Infinite Happiness and Everyone Can Be Happy, and Those That Believe That In Order For Some To Be Happy, Many Must Be Unhappy. The First Kind Of People, We Kill. The Second Kind, We Let Run Everything.

Change The World Ladies-- Fuck A Good Guy.


What would y'all have on yours? HIT ME.....

Many of you out there read my bulletin about how I let arnieellis.com lapse, and when I went to renew it, found that it was being held hostage.

Well, I sent the people responsible an e-mail asking how much they were holding it hostage for and this is the response I got:

In response to your email.
There are over 30,000 domains expire and non-renewed daily.
We have developed a technology that is analyzing traffic generated by these domains and buys selected domains via domain auctions with a bidding process such as Deleting.co.uk , DropWizard.com, DropKing.com, Pool.com, SnapNames.com and many others.
Nevertheless, after reading your letter we are ready to consider giving up the domain name.
But we are expecting at least to be compensated for the time and money spent on the registration process
2000$ will cover it.

Regards,
Cenal.com

So there you go.

I am worth 2000$ (and only because of the time and money spent in creating an automatic system that tracks expiring domain names.)

Ever felt gypped?

Now I know why my ex-girlfriends are always so pissed.

I mean, it's not like I can pay that kind of money right now, but I was hoping for 6 figures or something. Not that I THINK I'm worth that much or anything. But it would be cool to be TOLD that every once in a while.

.com registry on GoDaddy --- 10 bucks a year or so.

Letting it lapse and having some douchebag swipe it and hold it hostage --- 2000 smackers.

Self-realization --- priceless.

So as long as my old web address is being held onto, what could I do to turn this into a "Ransom Of Red Chief"-type situation? Any suggestions out there? O Henry!!!

Until this all plays out ----- arnieellis.net

Nothing that complex really.

Here’s a video featuring a bit of a new show with a friend of mine:




And now, if a father may introduce his rockin’ offspring:

When I read "On Writing" by Stephen King (by the way, the best book on writing ever) a few years ago, I was introduced to the old parlor game of Swifties, or the Tom Swifty- wherein one creates puns using adverbs, adverbial phrases, or other dialogue attributions. King talks about the game in the book in order to discourage the use of adverbs.

Here are some examples:

Stephen King includes these two in "On Writing":

"You got a nice butt, lady," he said cheekily. and

"I'm the plumber," he said, with a flush.


Here's some of mine:

"I can't even give this a 'C'," he said degradingly.

"I'll go to auctions 'til I die," he said morbidly.

"Luke, I am your father," Vader said forcefully.


My good friend Heather, after I brought this game up at work, came up with some real gems. Here's a couple of my favorites:

"I can't remember what comes next," he said listlessly.

"So we had sex again," she said ridiculously. (re-dick... I love that one...)

So that's Swifties. Comment your examples and let the games begin....

I'm really excited about seeing the new movie RAMBO in January. Originally, it was titled "John Rambo" in order to get it in line with Stallone's last movie, "Rocky Balboa."

Along with these movies as well as "Die Hard With A Vengeance," could this be a new trend in movies? You know, older actors re-visiting old characters and playing their age? I've heard that this will also be done in the new Indiana Jones movie, so if this IS a trend, allow me to pitch a few ideas:


IVAN DRAGO (alt. title—"Ivan Drago Saves Christmas"):

After his humiliating defeat at the hands of Rocky Balboa (an event that spurred the end of the Cold War,) which we see as flashback/montage/re-hash during opening credits, we find the 2008 Ivan Drago living a life of relative solitude in an Eastern Orthodox monastery in southern Azerbaijan, haunted by the memories of what was and what could have been, his only solace watching the children at play in the neighboring village.

It comes to our hero's attention that some of the children have disappeared. Our hero then uncovers a child slavery ring, where kids from the local villages have been sent south to the Iranian coast of the Caspian Sea, where an evil Arab ex-boxer is using the slave labor at his fishery, forcing the children to make caviar.

Ivan Drago infiltrates the fishery on Christmas Eve, saves the children, and defeats the evil Iranian kingpin, while sustaining a fatal injury, causing the newly-freed children to join hands and sing a goodbye carol to their (and our!) fallen hero, who expires with a peaceful look in his eyes.


SONNY MALONE (alt. title--- "Xanadu II – Ragnarok"):

Sonny and Kira have lived in loving bliss for many years on Mt. Olytmpus, even producing a son- who enters his teen-angst phase and leaves his home in 2012, venturing into the real world and starting a metal band called "Gotterdammerung."

Gotterdammerung becomes incredibly successful and climbs the charts, gaining the attention of Loki (the evil Norse trickster god), who plots to use the popular music to open the gates of the abyss on the day when the Mayan calendar ends, ushering in Armageddon.

Sonny and Kira return in roller-skates and ELO music merges with metal to create a virtual love-fest of cinematic delight, thwarting the plot of the evil gods. The world is saved, boy gets girl, and a CGI Gene Kelly becomes the new god of dance.


TONY MANERO (alt. title--- "Saturday Night Survivin' "):

After a somewhat successful Broadway career whose origins we saw in "Staying Alive," Tony Manero is a washed-up has-been running a dance school on the lower East Side.

His fortunes change when the producers of America's favorite reality show on Saturday night, "Dancing with the Big Time" approach Tony about partnering with one of the celebrities for the new season.

The trouble begins when Tony ends up getting partnered with America's most troubled female celebrity (think Britney-meets-Lindsay-meets-Paris), whom Tony must then mentor, not only in the ways of dance, but also in how one must be true to themselves, never throw away their dreams, and keep Staying Alive!



Allright. If any producers out there are interested in these gems, give me a call. Operators are standing by....

It's the holiday season
So whoop-de-doo and dickory-dock
And I think we all know
What rhymes with "dock"


It's been a long while, so I'm going to get right into my recent holiday blog-

In honor of Halloween, here's what scares me:

1) So far, there is not one presidential candidate that I can see myself voting for. (I'm still up in the air about Ron Paul, and I'm still contemplating Obama…. What I'd really love to see is Al Gore endorse Obama, just to stick it in the Clintons' face. You know… "Yeah, here's what you get for leaving me hangin' out to dry in 2000- Obama gets my Nobel Prize-winning nod, you bastards.")

2) People have turned the Nintendo Wii into their grail quest. (Sure, it's an awesome system, and much cooler than "Tickle Me Elmo", but seriously, how long are we going to let our collective bovine behavior prove the merchandising machine, with it's opinion of us as nothing more than mere cattle- constantly grazing at the corporate grasslands, to be correct?)

3) Paris Hilton recently posed in a nude photo shoot to raise people's awareness about global warming!!! (Too easy… write your own joke, post it in the comments, and we'll always have Paris...)


In honor of Thanksgiving, here's what should be shoved up a Tur-duc-en's ass (and you have to spell this new whimsical holiday treat with hyphens- otherwise, it contains the word "turd."):

1) ET, Access Hollywood, TMZ, and all the rest- there are REAL people with actual LIVES that are trying to DO something out there… why are these shows still getting attention, and who gives a shit about spoiled brats and their drug habits, love lives, and run-ins with the law? MOOOOOOO!!!

2) Reality shows on MTV and VH1. Anyone remember music videos? Obviously people do, because I see them on YouTube constantly; where I also see some guy's roommate set his own pubic hair on fire. How's that for entertainment you fucking cattle? BAAAAAAAAA!!!

3) High-Fructose Corn Syrup. There's too much of this shit in our food (so it probably SHOULDN'T be shoved up a Tur-duc-en's ass, but come on, it's a Tur-duc-en! What else can you possibly do- add a Cornish game hen and a Buffalo chicken wing? (Ofcourse, that would make it a Tur-duc-en-hen-ing.)). Almost as if there is a very small elite group of people with a very strong interest in keeping us fat and complacent… Yeah, keep drinking this beer, cattle, and watch this sporting event, and eat this food, take this anti-depressant, and go to sleep… for while you snooze through life, the elite who have been trained to believe that they were born into privilege because GOD made it so, will take care of everything… so sleep… sleeeeeeeeep… and when you wake up, DIABETES! AAAAAAAAGH!!!

(By the way, what am I thankful for? My family (which to me, includes my friends), green makeup- which is saving my butt again, the Orlando stand-up comedy scene, The Clarences, and the Killswitch Engage album "When Daylight Dies.")


In honor of Christmas, I wish this for all of you:

Like the sun, die and be born anew.

Let the parts of yourself that are absorbed by this illusion perish so that you can wake up with eyes truly open to the REAL reality: we are one.

If you are angered by the phrase "Happy Holidays" and INSIST that this is Christmas and NOTHING else, then I truly wish that you find the living Christ- an energy that transcends petty dogma and embraces the spirit of happy holidays.

And lastly, I wish that all of you get to play the Wii- it's actually pretty fucking cool.

In honor of tomorrow's release of Dethklok's DETHALBUM, from my favorite show on TV besides Venture Brothers- Metalocalypse-- I am posting the 2nd track, along with my attempt at the lyrics.

I'm pretty sure I've got all but a couple of the lines, which I end with a question mark:



" We call out to the beasts of the sea to come forth and join us
This night is yours
Because one day we will be with you in the blackened deep
One day we will all go into the water
Go into the water
Live there die there
Live there
Die
We reject our earthly fires
Gone are days of land empires
Lungs transform to take in water
Cloaked in scales we swim and swim on
We are alive
And we're better oversized?
And we're sleek as we go off back to basics?
Our home is down here
And we've known this for years
We must conquer from the sea
Wail and cry with your disease
We'll rise
From our depths
From below
Release yourselves
Drown with me
We will conquer land with water
Gone are days of land empires
Lungs transform to take in water
Cloaked in scales we swim and swim on
We swim on
We swim on "

Ah well, my first attempt to glean lyrics from just listening to the song. How'd I do?

Here's the song again, as it appeared on the last episode of season one:



Season 2 premiered last night. Kick ass!!!