I'm not going to make this one private, but I'm not posting it at gayconservative.org or azcentral.com, either.  I'm leaving it public (at least for now) in case it can help someone else.

I'm a crisis response EMT for the fire department.  I meet people from all walks of life, all races, creeds, and socio-economic backgrounds.  I go on all kinds of calls--DUI, MVA's, child abuse, hostage and rescue incidents, fires, codes (deaths), crisis care, you name it.  I've done everything from passing out water and gatorade at major accidents on the freeway to crisis intervention to victim advocacy after all manner of crimes.  I love what I do; being needed makes me feel like my life finally has some meaning, even though I only get to do this two or three nights a week.

But it is far easier for me to deal with the problems other people have than it is to deal with my own.

I know how hard it is to recover from depression.  I've been there before.  Just six years ago I faced something that turned my whole world upside-down, something that threatened everything I believed and held dear.  It felt like forever before I was able to get up and enjoy life again.  I never, ever thought I would face something that devastating again.

Just a few weeks ago a very close friend of mine called me and talked to me for half an hour about music, movies, and getting the band back together to make some serious music--maybe even record that album we'd been threatening to put on disc for so long.  A few hours later, I was sitting at my desk at my real job when my friend's father called to tell me that he'd hung himself and was going to the hospital.  An hour after that voice message, he called me again.  My friend was dead.  He'd committed suicide.

Losing someone you love is never easy.  Whether you have warning, as we did when my best friend died of cancer when I was a freshman in high school, or you have none, as we didn't when another friend was shot to death in 2007, you're never prepared to let go of a person who has brought so much light and joy into your world.  When a person commits suicide, though, they leave behind far more questions than any note could ever answer.  Between my college education and my training through the fire department, I know that most often, people give plenty of warning signs that they're suicidally depressed.  My friend gave absolutely none. 

Signs or no, taking your own life leaves the people around you drowning in guilt, anger, and sadness.  I was the last person my friend spoke to before he killed himself.  Why?  Why did he do that to me?  Why did he leave behind his adorable two-year-old son to grow up wondering where daddy is?  Did I miss something that could have saved his life?  How do I stop imagining what it must have looked like when his father walked in and saw him twitching and struggling in his final moments?  How will his father ever recover from actually seeing that?  Why am I angry with him when I know that he was just looking for a way out of the intense pain he was in?

Many of these questions will never be answered.  In the meantime, I don't say much to my friends or relatives except through my blogs because I don't want to be seen as weak.  I can't tell my dad how depressed I am because he'd remember how bad it was when I was a teenager and he'd be beside himself.  How do I explain to my coworkers that I'm not mad at them, that I'm just dealing with something I can't accurately describe without getting too personal?  How do I tell them that I'm afraid that the fact that I'm still alone at age 30 means there's something seriously wrong with me, even more so that I will never do anything to make a real difference in this world?

There's always a reason to live.  For me--and this might sound very silly to some--it's my cat.  When I'm by myself, drinking when I know I shouldn't and feeling as though nobody would miss me if I were gone, I curl up with my cat.  I really think she'd die of depression herself if I were gone.  When all I can feel is the void left by those who have abandoned me, broken my trust and shattered my heart, I still have my cat. 

I've always cared more for others than I do for myself, mostly because I've never liked myself very much.  But I'm here.  I try to do the best I can with what I have.  I may not always succeed, but I'm not leaving other people to wonder what they could have done to keep me here.  I miss my friend.  That will never go away.  I'll always think of him when I hear certain songs (particularly by Tool) or see South Park.  Right now, I can do better by sticking around.  I only wish he'd seen it that way.

On March 14, 2001, a battalion chief called to report a fire behind the Southwest Supermarket at 35th Ave & McDowell Rd in Phoenix.  That fire began in a trash heap behind the store and quickly raged out of control inside.  Firefighter Bret Tarver, an eight-year veteran firefighter with a wife and three daughters, was with his crew on Engine 14, C shift when the call came out.  As the order was made to go from "offensive" to "defensive", the crew of E14 became entangled in debris and needed to be rescued.  Bret could not be reached at first but the RIC crew went back, refusing to leave their brother firefighter.  His body was pulled from the fire just minutes before the roof collapsed.

Today, it was announced that the arsonist who set the fire, Chris Benitez, has been arrested.  Benitez apparently joined the Army to avoid charges.  In 2007, an anonymous tip led investigators to Benitez and a two-year investigation ensued.  I have all the respect in the world for those who serve our country; however, those who use the uniform of the US Army to hide from the crimes they've committed immediately earn my deepest disdain.  Benitez is currently being charged with arson of an occupied structure and murder.  I hope against hope that he rots in prison for the remainder of his existence. 

The ability to catch an arsonist is one that investigators work long and hard to hone.  In this case, they approached it like Novocaine: just give it time and it'll always work.  It worked well here.  I can only hope Bret's wife and daughters will see justice done.  I hope that somewhere deep down Benitez feels some remorse for starting a fire that claimed the life of a man who was devoted to his familiy and his community.  To my friends...I don't ever want to go to any of your funerals.  Stay safe, brothers.

Obama rammed the stimulus down everyone's throats by using scare tactics--"if we don't pass this, you'll lose everything you have."  He's trying to force cap-and-tax and universal healthcare on us the same way--"your healthcare providers will rob you blind!" and "global warming must be stopped before we destroy our only home!"  He's now taking his fiscal idiocy a step further by proposing legislation that will stop financial companies from getting too big.

My understanding of this new set of "rules" is that all financial companies will be required to limit what they do in the event that they collapse so that they don't "pose a systemic risk" as Obama puts it.  They'll do this by imposing hefty penalties on companies that become too big to fail as they see it; it will mean that any financial powerhouse that gets too big in the eyes of the government will have to pay fines and fees that will supposedly undo all of the profits made by taking those risks.  It will also strip certain companies of their rights.  Companies like GE, which is in both finance AND commerce, would not be allowed to continue to operate in both ends of the industry.  So much for the American dream.

Obama says his aim is to make it less appealing to get so big that failure would cost too much to be worth it to the CEO's and other top names in these companies.  In reality, this is socialism through and through: it's the attempt to forcibly equalize everyone.  What he's basically saying is you can't take too much risk or become too successful, otherwise you'll pay through the teeth to make sure you don't get into too much trouble.

ALL business involves risk, like it or not.  That's the nature of a free market.  Starting a business requires that you risk everything you have should something go wrong.  It can never be guaranteed or cushioned against failure in any way.  Unfortunately, that's life.  When the government steps in and says, "you have to do this, this, this, this and this to avoid having a negative impact on other businesses," freedom ceases to exist and socialism takes root.  We're up to our eyeballs in it now, and we're doing little to stop it.

Liberals scream that it's the lack of regulation that created this mess, thus Obama's plan is absolutely necessary.  HORSEHOCKEY.  Bring back the regulation as it was previously and there would be no need for the government to tell anyone that they can't prosper too much before they have to pay for it.  Our little "experiment" in deregulation has failed miserably, just as our foray into the world of making homeownership a right rather than a privilege failed equally as miserably.  Stop requiring banks to take on a certain amount of risky debt, stop requiring that they lend to everyone regardless of certain issues, and bring back the previous regulation and there would be no need for putting a cap on how big or intertwined a company can become.

But that wouldn't play into Obama's vision for America.  I have to ask...where does it stop?  Obama didn't just bail out the banks, he took it a step further and bailed out the auto industry.  Bush started that game and it was the worst step he could have taken.  Where does it end?  When the government has taken control over all industry, commerce and business in America?  First they put a cap on the banks, then what?  The automakers?  Wait, he already did that.  Next I suppose it'll be retail.  Wal-Mart can't be allowed to get so big, because so many depend on the near-minimum-wage jobs the company provides.  The government has to step in and stop them from failing.  Grocery stores have to be regulated, too, or it might have an impact on other local retail.  Oh, and mr. and mrs. small business have to be regulated, too--if they fail, individuals might have to go further to obtain certain services, and now we'll be impacting the environment.

Where does it stop?  When do we draw the line and tell the government they've gone too far?  When they've taken over every aspect of our lives?  That's what we're on the way to allowing.  I work for a financial institution full-time, and that company is led by a man who saw a long time ago just how dangerous the credit default swap and subprime games were.  I have a good job and a great boss because of that.  I do not want to be limited in how far I can go because the government has decided that the company I work for is too big.  It's not up to anybody to set limits for me.  That is MY choice.  The Constitution guarantees it.

It's difficult to see how we got to this point, but it's not irreversible.  If we start right now, it can stop RIGHT HERE.

"Let justice be done though the heavens should fall."  --John Adams

"They that can give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary security deserve neither liberty nor security."  --Benjamin Franklin

"In politics, as in religion, it is equally absurd to aim at making proselytes by fire and sword.  Heresies in either can rarely be cured by persecution."  --Alexander Hamilton

"Cherish, therefore, the spirit of our people, and keep alive their attention.  Do not be too severe upon their errors, but reclaim them by enlightening them.  If once they become inattentive to the public affairs, you and I, and Congress, and Assemblies, Judges, and Governors, shall become wolves." --Thomas Jefferson

"How could a readiness for war in time of peace be safely prohibited unless we could prohibit, in like manner, the preparations and establishments of every hostile nation?"  --James Madison

"I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection.  'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death."  --Thomas Paine

"Honesty will be found on every experiment, to be the best and only true policy; let us then as a nation be just."  --George Washington

"Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery?  Forbid it, Almighty God!  I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"  --Patrick Henry

Today, America, my country, is two hundred thirty-three years old.  Some historians argue that the Fourth of July is an arbitrary date, since the Colonies had been at war with the British for nearly a year by 4 July 1776.  In reality, Thomas Jefferson wrote of 2 July 1776 as the day future generations would remember and celebrate, as that was the day the Continental Congress officially voted to ratify the Declaration of Independence.  But it wasn't made public until two days later, which is why we still celebrate the Fourth today.

Despite lack of rations (food), proper clothing, equipment and, in some cases, training, thousands of colonists stood up more than two hundred thirty years ago to tell the British to shove it and go home.  Despite failure after failure, they picked themselves back up, bandaged their wounds, and said, "hey!  Is that all you got?  Get back here, we ain't done yet!"  Every single man who signed the Declaration of Independence lost his whole life; he lost his wife, children and land, saw his house burned to the ground, his brothers hung or set before a firing squad, his reputation destroyed by government labels of traitor and murderer--and STILL stood for what he believed was right.  Every single man.

It wasn't perfect, but they fought.  They knew well that the country they were founding would be a place for all people to find freedom.  They even fought each other over the wording of the document that we hold so dearly today to ensure that we, in this generation, would still be free.  The politicians of this generation, however--most of them, anyway--would have absolutely no ability to sacrifice what our forefathers did.  When faced with the prospect of losing anything our politicians today tuck tail and run.  They'd rather pass the loss on to us.

Too many people are absolutely clueless as to what was given and the price paid so that we could live our comfortable lives now.  Maybe the lack of proper education in American history is what makes the current generation so apathetic.  Maybe they're just too comfortable.  Whatever the reason, we cannot afford now to remain immobile.  Take the time to educate yourself.  We'll never figure out where we're going as long as we forget where we've been.

"I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."  --Thomas Jefferson

Wow.  As if having "don't ask, don't tell" as a policy weren't offensive enough, now we've got Secretary of Defense Gates adding insult to injury.

He's talking about finding a "more humane" way of enforcing DADT.

Is this their idea of keeping promises?  I hope not, because it feels more like a lousy attempt at placation.  Obama promised--he PROMISED--to do away with this ridiculous policy.  Most of our current servicemembers don't care what their fellow soldiers' orientation is as long as that person is doing their job and has their back.  Israel, among other countries, did away with bans on homosexuals serving in the armed forces some time ago and didn't experience any loss in unit cohesion.

So what is our problem?

Here's the problem: Obama is trying too hard to make everyone happy in this case.  There are some things you just can't be that diplomatic about, and this is one of them.  You cannot promise to take care of a problem and then turn around and do something like this.  Of course, this is all AFTER team Obama defended DADT as a method of boosting "unit cohesion."

They also defended DOMA.  So I'd like to know where Perez Hilton is now after lambasting Miss California.  Oh, wait...he doesn't have the balls to go after anyone who's not a Christian.

More humane?  How can we make DADT more humane?  If it were enforced the way it's written, maybe, just maybe I could see the route we're taking now (trying to convince Congress to overturn it).  But considering the fact that "don't ask, don't tell, don't pursue, don't harass" is often used to oust well-qualified soldiers on the say-so of third parties who have a grudge rather than the admission of the accused, I don't think there's really any way to salvage it.  Get rid of this ridiculous policy.

Obama could suspend it indefinitely until Congress holds hearings.  He refuses because he doesn't have the spine to do it.  And all this talk about making Congress do it to make it permanent is nauseating!  If the President can do it by executive order, he can certainly UN-do it the same way.

We can't have that, though.  God forbid Obama take the initiative and responsibility for this decision.  He might cause more irritation to some groups than he already is.  Just as long as the burden isn't all on him, we in the gay community can wait.

While we're waiting, though, Obama is losing money and votes.  GLBT folks who voted for him won't let him get away with this one.

More humane?

Gag me.

I had never blogged on this case before because I wanted to get as much perspective on it before I made a decision.  As I typically do, I read everything I could and watched all the news footage I could find about this before formulating an opinion about it.  Now I'm ready to post something I've been working on for a couple of days.

On May 11, 2004, then-57-year-old Harold Fish was ending a long hike in the Coconino National Forest in Northern Arizona (just north of a little town called Strawberry).  The events of that day are known only to him, but the facts are that he met Grant Kuenzli at the end of the trail and shot him three times in the chest.  As Kuenzli lay in the dirt, Fish tried all he could to help him--he put his backpack under Kuenzli's head, covered him with a blanket to keep him warm, and flagged down another vehicle to help.  He used his OnStar system to call for paramedics, and remained on scene to answer questions.  He told investigators later that when two dogs charged him on the trail, he pulled his 10mm Kimber handgun and fired a warning shot, drawing Kuenzli from the top of the hill.  He said Kuenzli then charged him in a rage, swinging his fists and swearing to kill him.  He said he fired in self defense, because Kuenzli--a much younger and stronger man than Fish--made him fear for his life.  Typically, a man guilty of murder (which can be loosely defined as the taking of a life without cause or justification) doesn't stick around and try to help or explain to police what happened.  But I'll go another route to prove what I believe.

Linda Almeter, Kuenzli's sister, described him as "an honorable, noble, responsible, caring, loving person."  She loved her brother and it certainly shows in the way she talks about him.  Another friend said he was astonished when he heard Kuenzli had been killed, and started a petition in the town of Payson (where they were all from) to convince the Coconino County Attorney's Office to prosecute Fish for murder.  What was never brought up in trial, however, was a long line of incidents that proved Kuenzli's behavior.  That friend who started the petition, who said there was no way Kuenzli could have attacked Fish?  His name is John McCauley, and he knew Kuenzli for a grand total of four months before he was killed.

The witness testimony that would have proven what Kuenzli was really like?  It was challenged by the prosecution.  The court suppressed any mention of prior bad acts, meaning testimony from witnesses who had seen Kuenzli behave in a way that would affirm Fish's testimony that he'd felt threatened on the trail by Kuenzli's posturing.  In fact, there was quite a bit of very relevant witness testimony that was suppressed by the court, and it would have proven the point that Kuenzli did, in fact, have a raging, out-of-control temper.

Ernie Encinas, the Gilbert fire marshal who supervised Kuenzli as a fire inspector, said that Kuenzli would frequently lose his temper with everyone.  He'd ball up his fists, bang them on the tables and other furniture, throw things, and scream at the top of his lungs while pacing back and forth.  Encinas later said that when he heard the story and was asked to testify, he had no trouble picturing Kuenzli charging and threatening to kill someone.  Steve Corich, director of security at Mesa Community College, said his run-in with Kuenzli stuck out above all others in his 26 years in his position: when Kuenzli was asked to take his dog (which was not on a leash) off campus, he started posturing, clenching his fists and screaming, making little sense.  Clayton Hamblen, a Mesa court justice of the peace, once asked Kuenzli to leave his dog outside the courthouse before coming in for a hearing, and still says that Kuenzli stuck in his mind as the most hateful, angry individual he'd ever crossed paths with.  He also described Kuenzli's threatening posture, clenched teeth and fists, and a look that he described as, "I want to rip your throat out."

Kuenzli had a history of PTSD, depression and anxiety disorders.  He was on the anti-depressant Effexor when he met Fish on the trail.  Many of his coworkers have since said that they were not surprised to hear that this had happened, because Kuenzli had a violent temper, one that they all believed would get him into serious trouble someday.

The prosecutor argued that Fish carried a high-powered handgun and kept it loaded with hollow-point ammunition though he didn't need it.  He also argued that Fish, who had an Arizona CCW license, should never have fired a warning shot at the dogs.  He said that Fish knew when he pulled the trigger that Kuenzli would die.  But Fish carried his Kimber when he hiked to protect against wild animals, not necessarily people.  It is true enough that in training to obtain a CCW, you're taught never to fire a warning shot; you're taught to fire at center mass to take down the threat before you can be harmed or killed.  I have this question, though: who wants to kill a dog?  If it's me, even though I've gone through CCW training and I've been attacked by a dog before, I'd have a hard time shooting a dog, too.  As for knowing that Kuenzli would die, that's hearsay, something that shouldn't have been allowed into evidence.  I see gunshot victims survive on a regular basis.  I've seen them survive rounds from AR-15's and arterial bleeding.  Nobody can claim that Fish knew Kuenzli would die.  The hollow-point bullet argument?  Hogwash.  I put hollow tips in my handgun.  If you fire at a person with target ammunition, that round will go through their body and every wall and other object behind it, possibly harming or killing an innocent person.  Hollow tips make that sort of scenario nearly impossible.

For those of us who believe firmly in the right to keep and bear arms, the decision to fire in self-defense is not an easy one.  In my whole life, I've had to pull my weapon exactly once, and thank God never had to fire.  Training and beliefs aside, the choice to do something that may result in another person's death--even a person who is threatening you--is a choice nobody wants to make. 

I have also studied Shaolin gongfu and Krav Maga for several years.  Officially, my body is a dangerous weapon.  I know quite well what I am capable of.  Moreso, I know what others are capable of, and believe it or not, there are some people I would not ever, ever want to have to fight because I know they'd likely beat me to death.  A person does not have to touch you to commit assault.  Until you've had a person get in your face and threaten you or even take a couple of swings at you, you cannot understand how much fear that can produce.  It doesn't take much to do serious damage and injury to a person with your bare hands.  Harold Fish likely had every reason to believe his life was in immediate danger on that trail.

It doesn't happen often, but I cannot disagree more with prosecutors on this case.  The question of deadly force here should have been asked before they wasted taxpayer money to try an innocent man.

Many have heard the basics of a group of firefighters in New Haven, Connecticut who banded together to file a discrimination suit against their city.  The basics are thus: an exam was held for firefighters who wished to apply for promotion to captain, the test used was purely objective (it was written by a 3rd party company specializing in firefighter exams), and because few minorities--none of them black--passed, the city decided to scrap the exam and promote none of the applicants.  The plan was apparently to administer another exam.  But a group of the applicants, firefighters who were white and Hispanic, got mad and decided to fight back.  They filed suit.  Ricci v. DeStefano was knocked down by Sonia Sotomayor as not meeting the criteria for discrimination under the Civil Rights Act.  According to Sotomayor, because certain minorities weren't in the passing group, the test had to be racially biased.  Therefore there was no merit to the claims of the firefighters filing suit.

Today, the Supreme Court of the United States overruled Sotomayor's ridiculous opinion.  And they did so unanimously.

Here's my experience...every firefighter, captain, and chief I've ever met or worked with worked his or her butt off to get where they are.  Firefighting is not an easy profession by any means, and every one of the men and women I know fully deserved the promotions they were given.  I know captains of every color and creed you can imagine.  Not one of them was ever handed their job because of a protected minority status, and every single one would be insulted by any person who suggested what the city of New Haven did.  The Civil Rights Act wasn't just meant to protect "minorities"--it was meant to protect all people, because everyone is capable of discrimination.  I've been discriminated against for the color of my skin, too, for the first job I ever applied for at a Wal-Mart where the black hiring manager openly bragged that she would only hire black applicants.  My sister was discriminated against by the same woman.  I have heard people of all races--white, black, Hispanic, Asian, you name it--make racist remarks against every other race under the sun. 

The fact is that white people were not meant to be excluded from the CRA, nor were Hispanic people like a couple of those who were also passed up by New Haven (and later joined the lawsuit).  The exam that was used was found to be completely objective and not racially biased in any way.  The simple fact that there weren't any passing scores coming from certain races involved in that test does not automatically make that test discriminatory.  It just means those folks need to brush up on their knowledge, take the test next year and do better.  More often than not, people fail those tests the first time around.  In each case, they worked harder and got it the next time around.

I applaud the decision by the Supreme Court today and the firefighters who refused to be passed up because of the color of their skin.  They all worked hard for what they earned and they weren't about to let the government take it away.  Bravo.

*****UPDATE*****

I was incorrect in my statement that the SCOTUS voted unanimously to overturn the lower courts' decision.  They unanimously disagreed with Sotomayor's opinion that the test was scrapped due to proven racism; the actual vote, however, was 5-4 in favor of the New Haven 20.  It's also worth noting that none of the men involved in the suit knew their status on the list of promotable firefighters; in fact, even after six of them found out they wouldn't make the promotion list, they remained on the suit to defend what they knew to be right.

After all the hubbub and noise about Obama cutting taxes for the working class, Obama and his Democrat hordes are trying to deal us a one-two punch that we'd never recover from if they passed.  "Oh, but he only raised taxes for the wealthy--we're getting an extra $13 a week!  He's cutting taxes for us!  He's the new Robin Hood!"

Oh, gag me.

First of all, his proposal for universal healthcare would raise taxes on EVERYBODY.  Not just the wealthy.  Working-class folks like Philip, Steve and I would all be taxed for the benefits that our employers give us.  Private healthcare would be taxed out of existence.  Contrary to popular belief, that's not competition.  Wal-Mart may drive their competition out of business with low prices, but they don't have the power to tax their competitors out of the market.  The government does.  That isn't competition, it's called abuse of power, and it's wrong no matter which way you look at it.  Somehow, some way government healthcare would need to be paid for, and it would be done through taxes.

Second--and Philip brought this up a couple of days ago--CAP AND TRADE.  Oh, my God, we're going to tax ourselves into destitution with cap and trade, and we're smiling as we do it.  Here's the basics about this farce: it's better known as Waxman-Markey or HR 2454, the American Clean Energy and Security Act.  It might sound good on the surface, but all bills typically do.  They're intended to do good.  But we all know that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and this bill would take us straight to hell in a handbasket.  You know all those special interests and earmarks that we're all so upset about?  They're up to their eyeballs in Waxman-Markey, and average American Joes like you and I would pay through the teeth for this ridiculous bill if it passes the Senate.  Energy rationing would become more of a reality than it was during WWII.

The idea behind Waxman-Markey is to provide a way to create so-called "clean energy" for use by Americans.  The way to it, however, would cost us everything we have.  It would require greenhouse gas emissions to be reduced by 83% by 2050, a feat that every expert on the subject admits is herculean.  That's the tip of the iceberg.  All the massive energy companies have sold out, seeming to lend credibility to the push for clean energy, making Democrats look at them in awe and say, "oh, how brave--you're giving up your profits to save the planet!"  But there's more to that, too.  No CEO in his right mind would throw his company's support behind a bill that would cut their legs out from under them without some kind of compensation for their troubles.  Their compensation is a full 85% of the rationing coupons, and the CEO's even admitted in hearings over Waxman-Markey that they'd refuse to support the bill if they weren't getting such a high number of those rationing coupons.

Recently, emails were revealed from the EPA that showed the reality of global warming and how we need to "save the planet."  In reality, temperatures stopped rising nearly ten years ago.  The liberal brown-nosers at the EPA shut down one employee's research on the subject when that employee revealed just how futile our efforts would be if we passed this sort of legislation.  Their argument?  "This employee is not a scientist."  Good God almighty--neither were 98% of the nitwits who signed Al Gore's petition to stop global warming, but how many people took that crap seriously?!?  The employee involved is Alan Carlin, and the director of the EPA was caught with his pants down when he said in an email that Carlin's work would "hurt the office" and that they'd already decided to go forward with "endangerment funding."

Translation?  We don't care about the fact that there's evidence that we're wrong--we want this, and we're going to ram it down your throats any which way we can. 

Cap and trade would result in the loss of millions of jobs, fuel and energy rationing, and only the very wealthy being able to afford their vehicles.  Democrats blocked Republican amendments that would have suspended Waxman-Markey in the case of $5-a-gallon gasoline or 15% unemployment rates.  Far from reducing our dependence on foreign oil, this bill would lead stateside fuel refineries to import even more in an effort to keep their product affordable for us so they could turn a profit.  By 2035, my niece's family would be paying upwards of $20,000 annually in combined energy usage.  The cost of EVERYTHING would go up to balance it out, because businesses will be paying the higher energy costs, too.  All that outsourcing of jobs that we're so pissed about?  Guess what?  That'll get worse, too, because it'll be that much cheaper to hire someone in China or India to do some of our jobs because those countries have sworn they'd never do anything as remarkably stupid as Waxman-Markey.

Everything--farming, manufacturing, retail, EVERYTHING--would be taxed to the brink of destruction by cap and trade.  Between lost revenue here at home and losses in the GNP, it would cost us nearly nine-and-a-half trillion dollars.  Oh, and low-income families would be hit hardest by the hardships imposed by this legislation. 

So much for lowering taxes! 

According to Fox61 in Connecticut and FOX News, a small church in Bridgeport--run by Manifested Glory Ministries--has been performing exorcisms on teenagers believed to be gay. The YouTube video posted by the ministry has been deleted (along with their channel) because of all of the negative attention, and all users who had saved it found it yanked by YouTube because the ministry leaders filed "copyright infringement" complaints (I call BS). If you go to the Fox61 link, you can see clips of the video. The heads of the ministry, including the Rev. and his wife Patricia McKinney, angrily ejected reporters from their radio station yesterday, refusing to talk publicly about the video clip or their practice of exorcism with teens involved in their ministry who are rumored to be gay.

Last year, I shared my coming-out story. I grew up in a very religious (note, I said religious, not spiritual) home. Church was so much a part of our lives that when my family came to Phoenix in 1997, while I was a senior in high school, the only way my siblings and I knew to make friends was to go find a church and get involved in the youth group. Church and beliefs were very important to us. I went to bible school, interned for two youth ministers and later became a music minister/worship leader and toured with a Christian band for a few years. I was also a very unpleasant person much of the time, mostly because there was a part of me that knew I was a lesbian and I refused to acknowledge it. If I did, it would be a damning sin, one that would strip me of my salvation. It would end my life as I knew it, with my support system, my friends and the places that were familiar and comfortable to me. Then, when I couldn't deny it any longer just six and a half years ago, I tried to find justification in scripture to kill myself.

Matthew 18:7-9 says, "woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes! If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life lame or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet, to be cast into the everlasting fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having to eyes, to be cast into hell fire." If anybody knows what it means to take scripture the wrong way, I do. I took this group of verses completely out of context and believed that it would have been better to commit suicide than it would have been to admit that I'm gay and go on living with a sin that God could not forgive.

It took me six months to come to a place where I was willing to entertain the notion that maybe, just maybe, I'd been taught wrong--and that I'd taught the same message in horrible error. To this day, I feel guilty for teaching the lesson that homosexuality is a mortal sin, that gay and lesbian people are the way they are because they have refused to accept God's grace and God has given up on them. I have read stories of Christian youth who didn't give their lives a chance and completed their suicides because of their fear of being rejected by their church families. I was part of the perpetuation of the myth that God condemns people and gives them up to homosexuality, and that lifestyle marks a soul as being forever lost.

I see stories like the ones linked above and it breaks my heart, because young people all over the world are being taught to hate themselves by people claiming to love God. I still believe; I just happen to believe in a different theological vein than most fellow Christians do. It's something we'll have to agree to disagree on because, as we all admit, we take what we believe on an awful lot of faith. But the young man in the video has my deepest sympathies. His faith--as well as who he is--is coming into question now, and he doesn't know which way to go. I've been there. I know.

What concerns me is that the leaders of this ministry are completely unwilling to speak publicly about what they do. The bible also forbids doing these things in secret, and I wonder what else this church might be hiding. I'm living proof that being gay is NOT a mortal sin, and God still loves me despite what people may think or say about the condition of my soul. Should any of those young people questioning their faith, their salvation or themselves see this missive, know this: you are not alone. Many people have survived this struggle, and we've come out stronger on the other side. Don't let any human being tell you what you should believe. Seek the counsel of people whom you believe to be wise, but in the end, only YOU can know what you believe, and why.

The only "gay demon" is the one being created by theology.

(Sorry I was gone so long, ya'll.  Be sure to read Philip's posts, because he was gone far longer and I love his most recent posts; Steve drew in over a hundred comments on his latest post, so we know we're getting to the libs!)

Neda, known to bloggers for her Twittering of the protests in Iran, was a beautiful young philosophy student out covering the protests last week when a Basij (Iranian paramilitary who takes orders from the elite Iranian Revolutionary Guard) shot her to death.  Here is a short clip of the protest before the shooting (keep an eye on the man in the blue striped shirt--she's with him, and via Allahpundit at Hot Air, he's her music teacher):



Minutes later, this was the scene (this is extremely graphic, so be forewarned):



I've seen a person die in this fashion before.  What's disturbing to me about this is that Neda was completely innocent.  It was the government that killed her, and they did it to suppress the voice that she provided to the world so we could all know the truth about what's going on in Iran. 

Neda was not armed, nor were the protesters with her.  They were not throwing rocks, bottles, or any other bludgeons.  The Basij (read: coward) who shot her was hiding on a rooftop nearby and didn't even have the balls to look her in the face.  In the second video, you hear her music teacher saying "Neda, don't be afraid...Neda, stay with me!" in Farsi.  So far, 32 have been killed by police and Basij forces, hundreds have been badly injured and thousands have been jailed.  All for questioning the outcome of the elections in which Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was supposedly re-elected.

FACT: in more than 50 Iranian states, more votes were cast than there were eligible voters to cast them.  FACT: media was shut down in Iran on the day of the elections to halt reporting on the results.  FACT: cell phones were jammed by government workers to stop communications during the elections.  FACT: interior employees of Ahmadinejad's government managed to get word out before the election that the government had already rigged the election.  FACT: the election was fixed by Ahmadinejad and Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei in an effort to stop the more moderate Mir-Hossein Mousavi from undoing all of the power plays the government had managed to accrue in the past several years.

Internet access has been all but shut down by the government in recent days in an effort to stop news of the protests and military crackdowns from being seen by the rest of the world.  Some photos and Twitters are still getting out because of the bravery of Iranians who refuse to be silenced.  It took Obama days to speak out against Ahmadinejad's cruelty.  The whole world is watching, and Neda has become a heroine and a rallying cry for those unwilling to accept what's happening.  It should be noted as well that the regime shut down Neda's memorial service.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the face of the oppressed:

I'm going to decline to write about the Holocaust museum shooting for now because I can already see where it's going, and it's only making me mad.  It's already taken the path of cries of "RAAAAACISM!"  Well, boys and girls, let's talk about racism.  Obama has already managed to speak about the museum shooting because of the racial implications ("it's all the fault of the Tea Party protesters!!!"), so I'm going to point out a little something Obama has thus far refused to comment on.

Jeremiah Wright was quoted today in the Virginia Daily Press saying that he hasn't spoken to Barack Obama since he left Wright's church last year because--and I quote--"Them Jews aren't going to let him talk to me. I told my baby daughter, that he'll talk to me in five years when he's a lame duck, or in eight years when he's out of office.  They will not let him...talk to somebody who calls a spade what it is."

Now let's talk about racism.

Back in the '30's and '40's, white supremacy was spoken in the open and black men, women and children were abused horribly because it was popular.  Popular opinion dictated that it was not just okay to be a racist; it was right.  As time wore on, popular opinion was changed by the dictates of humanity, the reality that the color of a person's skin or the religion they claim does not make a person any less human or any less deserving of the same rights and freedoms that others are allowed.  That balance held for a little while.  Now it's changing again.

It is now okay for blacks, hispanics, asians--all races classified as "minorities--to engage in what's known as "reverse racism."  I'd like someone to explain to me exactly how racism came to be defined as all white people against all others.  "Racism" is the hatred of any race other than your own for no other reason than the fact that they're different.  It doesn't matter what race you belong to.  Racism is racism, pure and simple, and racism is 100% WRONG.

Today, Jeremiah Wright will not only get away with his openly racist remarks.  He'll be praised for it.  He already has been praised for it.  Obama can't say he didn't know what Wright was all about because the man has been preaching the same message his whole life, and he's bragged about it!  Wright is a card-carrying member of the choir that sings the "ethnic cleansing" song for Gaza, the claim that Israel's incursions into Gaza to stop the Palestinian militants from bombing innocent Israelis is somehow wrong.  Everything, in his estimation, is the fault of all Jews and white people, oh, and "God damn America!"

First of all, ethnic cleansing is the wholesale murder of entire races or groups of people following a particular religion for the sole purpose of ridding the land of that group.  Israel has NOT, in fact, engaged in anything like that.  Lemme tell you something...if Mexicans were firing rockets into American towns and sending suicide bombers to wipe out as many innocent Americans as they could, we wouldn't put up with that crap for very long.  We'd beat the living snot out of them until they swore to leave us alone, and we'd be justified in doing so.  What's the difference between that scenario and what Israel has been forced to do?  After countless attacks by Palestinians on innocent Israelis, I'm actually surprised anyone is talking about giving the Palestinians so much as an inch of land.  Israel is that much better than they are for NOT wiping them out.  Knock off the self-aggrandizement.

Second, don't quote Dr. King when it suits you and ignore the rest of his message.  He specifically said that it would be wrong to elevate yourselves above any other race, and that blaming the white man for your ills was the wrong way to win any ground.  Do NOT blame me for your community's issues because I'm white.  Blame the rap "artists" who claim their pitiful excuse for "music" to be art imitating life.  Blame those complete and total scabs on our society's ass for their misogyny, hate, drug-dealing, death-peddling glorification of the "gangsta's life."  Blame the losers who buy that garbage by the metric ton and reward those idiots with millions of dollars in profits.  Blame them for punks like Steven Gilmore, a 19-year-old aspiring rapper who shot a convenience store clerk in the head in an attempt to gain "street cred" for his rap career.  Your community holds those with no education, no concern for others and no respect for authority or the law up as idols, so DO NOT BLAME ME FOR THE COLOR OF MY SKIN.  White privilege my backside.  Take a look at the life I lived and talk to me about "white privilege." 

You say you're calling a spade "what it is?"  I say you're a raving lunatic bent on taking all you can from Jews and whites.

Finally, your exhortation for God to "damn" America is the ultimate insult to the nation that made you.  You are free to speak the way you do because of the country you ask your God to abandon.  God BLESS this great nation and the freedoms we have (for now).  I can only pray that you still have the freedom to be an individual and exercise personal freedom without the fear of government intervention for a long time to come, because as long as you're free, that means I am, too.

For those who did not know, I am still very closely following the hearings and trial of Inmate #102543.  Known by his given name Bryan Wayne Hulsey--which I refuse to call him because I see him as a useless hunk of flesh rather than a human being--he is the scumbag who murdered my friend, Glendale officer Tony Holly.

Tony was shot to death with a .357 magnum.  Inmate #102543 had barely been out of prison for a few months when he was in a vehicle pulled over by one of Tony's fellow officers.  When Tony arrived to provide backup 102543 pulled the stolen gun (a weapon that he was forbidden from even handling, much less carrying--how's that for those who think gun laws will deter crime?) out of the waistband of his pants and shot Tony in the head before continuing to fire at Goitia.  Goitia managed to hit 102543 twice before he fled, and while still being fired upon left the safety of cover to drag Tony to safety.  Goitia was later awarded the Medal of Valor for his act of heroism.

The hearings continue.  102543's first set of lawyers were dismissed after he whined that they didn't talk to him enough.  His second set of lawyers got under his skin, too, so he filed--for the second time--to defend himself pro per.  The courts appointed a different judge, who took issue with the fact that the victims (being Tony's family and fellow officers) were being strung along by his antics, demanded that he answer questions about his reasons for dismissing yet another defense team during a capital murder trial.

Well...the courts, after a series of hearings, granted his wish.  102543 now has two brand-spankin'-new lawyers and the last day (meaning the final day for trial preparation before an actual trial start date is set) is now November 18, 2010.

Another year and a half from now.  The best-case scenario means it will have been three years since Tony's death before this monstrosity actually goes to trial for his crime.

And he may still be allowed to defend himself, meaning he may well be given the power to turn this into a circus and pull the same shenanigans Sammy Compton did before prosecutors finally acquiesced to his stupidity.  Google that name and see what you come up with.

Strike three, maybe?  Unlikely.  Thanks to the Warren Court of the '60's, the criminal justice system in America is no longer based on getting a fair shake at defending yourself.  It's now all about getting a fair chance to beat the system.  102543 is certainly being given that much. 

Tony's family may be waiting until the next life to see real justice for this.  That is the most brutally unfair thing of all.

Today, the Supreme Court refused to hear argument from 12 former servicemembers dismissed under the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy.  The lawsuit claiming the policy is unconstitutional has officially failed.

The justices refused to hear it based on a specific request by the Obama administration.

The administration said in a release, quote, "the appeals court ruled correctly in this case when it found that don't ask, don't tell is rationally related to the government's legitimate interest in military discipline and cohesion."

If anybody in the gay community has any delusions whatsoever that Obama is our friend and is still planning to strike down DADT, lay them aside now.  We have them on the record proving the reality that they do NOT have our interests at heart.  The truth hurts, folks, and it's time to face that reality that we've ignored for the sake of "The One."

Before I begin, watch this video in its entirety.  Pay careful attention to the last 45 seconds.



(Tip of the mean black cowboy hat to Michelle Malkin)

Now, if you watched the video, you know what's going on.  It's a public memorial for Pvt. William Long, shot to death by a jihadist outside an Army-Navy recruiting center in Little Rock, Arkansas.  A Muslim woman showed up, apparently dragging her kids along with her, to protest the memorial.  She screams that US soldiers are killing women and children--innocent civilians.  She hollers that 9/11 was an inside job.  Then she talks about how her religion is "peace."  The media wants to talk to her.  At the end, the answer comes into crystal-clear focus.

If you notice, she has several "9/11 was an inside job" bumper stickers.  She also has several bumper stickers touting Infowars.  For those late to the game, Infowars is the disinformation group of conspiracy nutcases led by Alex Jones--a man more in dire need of a straitjacket and a Thorazine drip than any person I've ever seen in my life.  You really have to see some of the footage of him running around and screaming like a lunatic at the Denver Mint to understand what he's really like.  He's a taco short of a fiesta.

Anyway...this clip is the perfect example of exactly how the extremists are winning the war on terrorism, and they're doing it by using our own rules against us.  We, as a society, don't like to hurt others.  We don't like the idea of killing, even when it's necessary.  We pride ourselves in being "multicultural," "diverse" and "tolerant" to the point that we're not willing to step on anyone's toes.

The extremists know this, and they know it well.  They're using it against us.

If you think the militant Muslims bent on destroying the US aren't paying attention to raving quacks like Alex Jones, think again.  They know exactly what that guy and his army of bile-spewing zombies believe, and they're happy to push that line because they know that Americans don't think as much as they feel, and the instant someone waves anything under the collective noses of America that even comes close to looking like evidence of a government-led attack and coverup, droves in this country will buy it hook, line and sinker.  Not only do they know we'll fall for it, but they are counting on it.  It's going to be the best way for them to get where they need to be, because now they have us questioning the official story.  That means that if Muslims aren't to blame, we need to do all we can to protect them.

It makes their job far easier.

A smart opponent knows how to hit you.  He'll find a method of attack that uses the least amount of resources and manpower.  Since the Muslim extremists don't have an unlimited supply of either, they're legitimizing themselves to make it easier to take us down.  In case nobody noticed, it's working.  They'll rely on the likes of Alex Jones and Dylan Avery (maker of the crockumentary "Loose Change") to create an atmosphere more tolerant of them so they can continue to work in the open, just as they did before 9/11.  They know how to win a war these days, and it hardly takes any effort, mostly because we're not willing to give any.

(To read my debunking of some of the most popular 9/11 "truth movement" ideas, click here, here, here, here, here and here.  Oh...and here, here, and here.)

Liberals of all cloths are currently in an absolute furor over a political cartoon released this week by Chip Bok.  Here's the strip:



Jean Warner of the Oklahoma Women's Coalition said, "Here's a woman wearing a judge's robes and she's about to get the crap beaten out of her because she has the audacity to think she can sit on the Supreme Court.  But most young girls who look at the cartoon, don't even understand that. They just see guys with sticks about to hit a woman."  Rossana Rosado, publisher of El Diario La Prensa said, "On first view you just see her hanging by a rope and that's a very disturbing image.  "It's offensive mostly because it's not funny. It's supposed to be satirical and humorous and it simply isn't funny."

You know what?  I didn't think this was funny:



I didn't think this was funny, either:



Nobody thought this was funny, but you never heard a peep out of the media about how unfair it was:



How 'bout these?  With this kind of crap out there, it's no wonder a jihadist shot two innocent US soldiers:






That's my brother, several of my cousins, and many of my friends Ted Rall used as fodder.  He painted them as the kind of people who love to torture and kill without remorse, the kind who have no education.  In what universe can one side get away with this kind of thing practically every day while they deride their detractors and celebrate it?  This is the sincerest form of hypocrisy and arrogance: believing so much that you're 100% right that you can get away with anything.

Here's what Chip Bok had to say about the whole thing: "[it is] an utter exaggeration of the cultural theme. She has used her Latinaness stereotypically as an asset in her effort for the nomination to go through. So I turned it around and tried to exaggerate the cultural part of it. It's part of the mockery of the cartoon, part of the joke."

Quit yer bellyachin'.  It's not as if we're calling Obama the "house nigga" (which, I repeat, Rall did call Condoleeza Rice).