In the past couple of weeks, a defense appropriations bill was hashed out and finally passed, sending it to President Obama's desk.  He signed it.  What irks me about this?

Democrats tacked a completely unrelated piece of legislation onto the bill: an expansion of the federal hate crimes law.  The expansion isn't what you think, either. 

Oh, sure, it expands the definition of a "hate crime" to include those who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, as well as the disabled.  It also includes those with disabilities (because we all know how prevalent hate crimes against the disabled are).  An act of Congress that was originally intended to protect racial minorities after the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr. now includes other groups who largely have few or no genetic indicators.

The reach of this new extension is incredible.  It flies in the face of Constitutional protections against double jeopardy by providing an in-road for federal courts to try people a second time for the same crime--both those who were convicted of crimes and those who were acquitted.  Janet Reno supported this exact same piece of legislation back in 1998 as a way to "give people the opportunity to have a forum in which justice can be done if it is not done in the state court."

This is expressly forbidden by the Fifth Amendment: "No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation."

The same Constitutional Amendment that says we cannot be required to say anything that would be self-incriminating also forbids the government from coming back and trying us a second time after we've been found innocent.  The hate crimes legislation that Obama has now signed into law attempts an end-run around the Constitution and it's been something the Democrats have salivated over since the Clinton Administration.  It will have an unprecedented effect on criminal justice.

Here's how it'll work.  Say two white teenagers attack and savagely beat a Hispanic man (this actually happened in Shenandoah, Pennsylvania).  The victim dies two days later of his severe injuries.  Police quickly arrest the teenagers on information provided by many witnesses, and the perps all start spilling it.  Prosecutors go for the gusto: they charge them with everything they possibly can, including ethnic intimidation.  The jury acquits, however, refusing to convict the boys of anything more than simple assault.  The perps have been convicted of some charges, acquitted of others, and they'll be punished.

Not so fast.  Now, the new legislation gives the federal government the ability to step in and prosecute a second time. 

Congressional powers were supposed to be limited; the States were supposed to be the authorities on prosecuting crimes unless several states were involved, in which case the federal government would have the power to prosecute a string of crimes in one case.  This new legislation turns that ideal on its head.  Federalism is not supported by the Constitution, but Obama and the Democrats are trying to force it on us.  The Morrison decision by the US Supreme Court may have set the precedent, and this legislation may be scrapped after all--or it may not.

The original hate crimes law was protected by the Thirteenth Amendment, which gave the federal government the power to protect freed slaves.  This addition, however, is absurd.  What is more bothersome, however, is that Democrats have all but crucified Bush for the USA PATRIOT Act, saying that in passing the Act Bush "wiped his ass with the Constitution."  What do you call what Obama is doing?

Janet Reno said that hate crimes were especially deplorable because victims are chosen "based on who they are, not what they've done."  This argument is incredible.  How many crimes are committed against a person based on what that victim has done?  I suppose if my neighbor were to be mugged and beaten it would be because of something he did to piss someone off, right?  The woman I talked to who was raped for an hour must have deserved it because of something she did, is that it?  No.  Hate crimes are no different from any other crime.  In the event that I were badly beaten or killed by someone who did so because I was a lesbian, I would want that perp to be charged with actual crimes.  I would not want him slapped with hate crimes, because that places my life in value above others, and I'm not worth more than any other law-abiding citizen in society. 

The common argument I've gotten from some Democrats I know is that hate crimes are committed to terrorize an entire group, and that needs to be stopped.  Okay...then let those acts fall under terrorism laws, if it can be proven.  Hate crimes laws equal thought crimes laws.  Our founders would be mortified.

(WARNING: if you are easily offended by foul language, avoid the section in italics.  I'm putting the lyrics on this post to make a point, and since I guarantee your kids are listening to it, if you're still in denial, just skip it.)

At work yesterday, I made mention that there were a few specific rappers that I had no respect for and, in fact, would not mind a tussle with because of my profound distaste for them.  When I said this, at least three of my coworkers expressed their shock and asked why I so deeply disliked rappers like Snoop Dogg, Jay-Z and 50 Cent.

I'll first let their words speak for themselves:

"Yo what up, this murder def kill homicide nigga/I got two freaks/yo, watch yo fuckin' mouth, man..." -Jay Z, "1-900-Hustler"

"C'mon, I got that ignorant shit you need/Nigga, fuck, shit, ass, bitch, trick plus weed/I'm only trying to give you what you want/Nigga, fuck, shit, ass, bitch, you like it don't front" -Jay Z, "Ignorant Shit"

"Cause is probable/In and out the prison/We got soldiers/But you still gotta respect ours/We got more 4-5's and 9's than a deck of cards" -50 Cent, "Catch Me in the Hood"

"It was Kangols, Cazelli shades, Pumas and corn braids/Doo-rags on the waist, brass knuckles, switchblades/Ski mask to get paid, new shells to get sprayed/Hoodrats to get laid, money to get made/Yeah I had a dream/I was rich, woke up broke, gun in my hand/Sayin DAMN!/Dope cost sixty a gram/I got to find me a nigga, line me a nigga/And say "Give it up kid, before I put one in your wig"/Picture me thirsty, ridin 'round foamin out the mouth/Sayin "I don't get on, I'ma lay a nigga out" -50 Cent, "Curtis 187" (for those who are unaware, the LAPD radio code for murder is 187.)

"I'm hittin' you and ya niggas/Feel tha flame when I aim/For tha top of ya brain/See tha spark and tha bang/Nigga shit ain't a game/Do tha math or get blast/Bullets go thru tha glass/Go-thru-ya-ass, fast/And tha leather seat sittin' Ave/Nigga/It's not a war when there's casualties on one side/I ride!/Turn it up on you niggas after Jay ride-by..." -50 Cent, "My Gun Go Off"

"Motherfucker gonna die tonight/That's why I smoke weed, get high tonight/Cause I'm a no limit soldier/With TRU datted in blood/I went to jail for years, for movin', burnin' the drugs...kill, kill, kill/Murder, murder, murder/Ain't nothin' personal, tru/See it's all about respect..." -Snoop Dogg, "Ain't Nut'in Personal"

"I went to your house/Your girl came in and started cussing you out/You should have slapped her/In her face/I wanted to tell you, but it wasn't my place/I kept it on the low 'cause I know you/Was gonna check that hoe...this is what you made me do/I really didn't wanna put hands on you/But bitch you playin' with fire/I'm so sick and tired/Of loud-mouth bitches like you..." -Snoop Dogg, "Can U Control Yo Hoe"

I could post this garbage all day.  I cannot stand today's popular "rap."  It's not real music, and the lyrics are nothing--literally nothing--but hate, violence, drugs, misogyny and murder.  There is no saving grace to any of these so-called artists.  There is no excusing them, not for any reason--and saying, "it's the best they can do for themselves" is a cop-out.

We have heard activists both black and white (the white ones being bleeding-heart liberals) talk about how black kids don't get a fair shake.  They're locked out of a life because they can't get an education, they can't get jobs, and nobody will give them a chance.  Poor, poor thugs; they're just living the life that was handed to them.  We can't expect them to be better because we haven't allowed them to be better.

It's not just black kids.  And it's not just the poor ones.  If you're going to argue that it's the poor black kids who are put upon, though, then look no further than their idols.  Cretins like 50 Cent, Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, Jay Z, Snoop Dogg, and other rappers make a thug's life a dream to be attained, not something to be avoided like the plague.  Hell, Snoop Dogg released "Blue Carpet Treatment" as homage to his gang set: the Rollin' 20's Crips.  They glorify pushing drugs on kids, shooting rival gang members, maiming people, murdering them, raping women, beating women--and it's all acceptable.  The kids eat it up because society has told them that it's okay to want what they've got.  It doesn't help that some of the cops tasked with cleaning up the mess from these mini-thugs are into this drivel, too.  I know a few, and it's a characteristic I've made well-known I have no respect for.

Rap is the low-class culture committing suicide.  It's an entire group of people saying, "we don't care, we just want what we can get, even if we have to take it."  How will troubled black kids learn any better with this kind of leadership?  How will ANY of the kids who idolize these monsters learn the difference between right and wrong with their heroes graying the lines for them?  Yes, it is a travesty that blacks make up a majority of the prison inmate population in America.  I will agree with that.  But it's not racism that's the problem.  It's the tacit refusal to grow up.  The culture is killing itself by embracing the thug life.

Shelby Steele, a prominent black conservative writer (and one of my heroes), said this: "We then think that our whole future depends on keeping whites feeling guilty and keeping them on the hook.  The more we protest, the more dependent we become, the weaker we become.  We're weaker today than we were in the nineteen-fifties." 

I think that has a lot to do with those placed on a pedestal, those bastions of the "good life" quoted above.  Look no further than your own mirror, folks, for killing your own culture.

As I type I'm at a friends' house doing emergency babysitting duty...she got sick and one of her kids is just getting over it.  I got my flu shot, though, so no worries.

A lot has gone on lately, and I can't divulge every little thing but here's what I can talk about.  First of all, getting over a friends' suicide never gets any easier.  This was the third time a friend killed himself but this time it was my best friend.  His father still blames me because I was the last person he spoke to. For a while I was getting a lot of emails and phone calls, and right as I was getting ready to change my number it all stopped.  It may still happen, though, so if you're on my contact list do not be surprised to get a text one day to let you know that I did.

I took a break from my work with the fire department to recover and got back to it in the first weekend of September.  Then, on the 11th, as I was headed to a doctor's appointment, I started having trouble breathing and nearly the worst chest pain I have ever experienced (perfect timing, right?).  The doc sent me to the ER and while at first they thought I might have pneumothorax (a collapsed lung), it turned out to be pleurisy.  They also discovered that I have hypothyroidism and am becoming anemic.  That could explain how I'm building enough muscle to push a truck but not losing the weight I've been trying to fight off.

Just before that incident, however, I went on a date.  I started talking to a girl who seemed to be very well put together, had her head on her shoulders, and seemed to be VERY into me.  We went out and had a fantastic time.  Then, I heard nothing from her.  I sent her a couple of text messages to no avail.  About a month later I ran her email through Facebook and found her under a different name--and listed as being in a relationship with a specific person who had left convincing messages all over her page.

There's been a lot of crap that's gone on this year.  As I said, there's a lot I can't talk about.  I will say that time and a lot of thinking have brought me to the conclusion that I have trusted people who never deserved my trust.  As I mentioned in another blog, I let a person back into my life after we hadn't spoken for three years.  When we parted ways she didn't know the truth about what had gone on.  She apparently didn't understand, however, that people change; words and deeds cannot be taken back, and once you've hurt a person you can't go back to the way things were.  I tried to start over but she wanted to pick up our lives from before the big meltdown and when it didn't happen that way, she dropped me like a hot rock again.  What floors me still is that she openly said that she understood that I had been hurt by everyone around me but she wasn't willing to be a part of the solution.  In so doing she, too, proved that she had never been a real friend.

I had one coworker tell me I should ask another one out because, quote, "you never know, Mel, it could turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you!"  It turned out to be a disaster.  I didn't even get to the point where there was any asking out, because I figured out the truth the hard way.  Seems this guy just wanted some drama.  Then when I let him know I didn't appreciate him lying to me, he turned it back around on me and said, "people will talk, honey, you need to get used to that."

I've had enough of all the shit going on in my life.  I don't understand why people can't be the loyal friends they claim to be, why they can't be straightforward, why people would lie if the truth would do them better.  I'm no angel.  I've made my mistakes.  But I've also tried damn hard to make up for the stupidity of my younger years.  I do my damndest to do right by everyone around me and somehow I still get hurt in the end.  Either I have poor taste in friends or I really am still trying too damn hard to matter to people who will never really care. 

In the meantime...I'm getting ready to get back to school.  I'm taking advanced pharmacology and EKG this semester.  If I don't get accepted to the 2011 paramedic program, I'm going to start working towards finishing my criminal justice MA.  My dad picked up the guitar again and once he's gotten comfortable with playing a few songs we'll start jamming together. 

I'm really beginning to wonder when I'm going to get to enjoy life, though.  I don't want to live to be too old.  I'd like to think there will be something to look forward to somewhere along the way.

I found myself saying something just a couple of hours ago that I didn't expect to hear from my own mouth:

I'm afraid I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life because I have never in my life fit in anywhere and I don't believe at this point that I ever will.  And I don't see the point in trying to take care of myself if that's never going to change.

Everybody talks about being different.  When I was in high school, "being different" was all the rage.  It was cool.  It was the only way to be.  You had to find some way to be different, otherwise you didn't fit in.  I always thought that was a bit hypocritical; talking about being different, being a rebel, in order to gain acceptance defeated the purpose.  To me it was putting on an act just like every other group so you could fit in.

I was the kid who never fit in anywhere.  Not at school, not at church, not even at home.  I grew up and tried to pretend that I didn't give a damn--I got tattoos and piercings, played in several rock bands, and tried to convince everybody that their opinion didn't matter.  Truth was, it always did.  Today someone brought up a very good point linking that past with my present.

I always wanted to fit in, but when I was a kid the people I tried to fit in with were the popular ones.  I always wanted to be in the in-crowd.  That hasn't changed today.  I don't fit in with that crowd any more now than I did then, no matter how hard I've tried.  I have questioned my sanity for continuing to try to matter to people who don't give a damn, and as much as I remind myself that it's my mind and my life, I keep wishing it would change. 

I used to believe that God always had a reason for bringing certain people into your life.  I'm not sure I believe that anymore.  One person who hurt me deeply several years ago came back into my life last year, and I thought there was a reason for it.  She only ended up hurting me all over again.  I can't see any reason at all for our paths crossing.  There are actually very few people I've had "friendships" with that I really believe were in my life for any real reason now. 

I don't belong at either of my jobs, really.  I don't belong at home.  I don't belong in conservative circles because I'm gay, and I don't belong in the gay community because I refuse to toe the party line.  I really am different, and I'm not sure I like it.  I often wonder if it's everyone else or if it's just me.  But at the same time, while I wish more than anything that I belonged somewhere, there's a piece of me now that has been hurt so many times that I'm afraid of actually making that connection with another person.

Maybe I'll always be that walking contradiction in terms.  Maybe it's worth fighting.  Maybe it's not.  Being truly different isn't all it was cracked up to be to that rebellious group in high school.  At least they were happy in their fantasy.