Tuesday, June 30, 2009 11:19 AM
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I had to blog this from my phone. cause i have no computer of my own & i'm gonna waste a month away cause i need a place that i can stay.
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Saturday, June 20, 2009 4:18 AM
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if i was me things would be happening differently.
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Wednesday, June 17, 2009 7:15 AM
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that place has so much drama in it, it's unreal. i've agaed 100 years in two weeks. dude, the stress really effects you. your body pupmps out all of these crazy chemicals that are so whack. The party was filled with all these hot girls and all of these really nasty, gross, ugly, disgusting, big, sweaty men. they bump up against you all night long, these drunk HUGe guys, "how come u ain't letting me in, man? huh?" And so you know what? i let these gang banger guys in. i was not gonna get shot for anyone. i was like, hey, it's your party, man.
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Thursday, May 28, 2009 6:39 PM
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Thanks for unbroken feet and legs and knees, and the weather to walk about to wherever I please. Thanks for friends with couches where I can sleep at night and I don't have to go back outside until it gets light. Thanks for the aptitude to know that I can stock up at a salad bar. Thanks for my dad that is paying to fix the engine in my car. Thanks for good friends who have voiced their concerns. Thanks for the repeated mistakes I made until I learned. Thanks for keeping the people away that are about themselves only. Thanks for my instincts that tell me when someone is phony. Thanks for somehow always keeping me protected. Thanks for the thick skin to handle being rejected. Thanks for making me strong enough to handle being alone. Thanks for the new Jean Paul Gaultier cologne.
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Thursday, May 28, 2009 6:34 PM
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You know you be ghetto when your name begins with 'La,' 'Ta,' or 'Sha.' You know you be ghetto when you got your baby daddy name tattooed on your tittie.
You know you be ghetto when you are babysitting your auntie or uncle.
You know you be ghetto when the only vegetable in your diet is the lettuce from a Big Mac.
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Wednesday, May 27, 2009 1:07 PM
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Oh God... Where are you now? What are you gonna do about the mess I've made? If there was ever a soul to save it must be me. It must be me.
Dear God... Oh how can I survive? Will I make it out alive? When it all comes to this I'm looking down at the abyss where you don't exist. You don't exist.
but if you hear me If you can see me... I know I can't be that strong 'Cause everything I ever did went wrong Everything I ever did went wrong
Oh God Now where do I come in? Gone and broken everything so I hope you'll understand. If someone needed a helping hand it must be now. It must be now.
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Wednesday, May 27, 2009 12:55 PM
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When I'm feeling low And there's no place to go And I'm on my knees Fallen back down on the floor And I've had enough And the situation's tough And I'm hanging on by my nails Holding on... hoping I won't fail This is what reality is made of can't you see I'm relatively twisted?
if there were ever a time when people could just eat shit and die, shouldn't it be now? Shouldn't it be now?
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Wednesday, May 27, 2009 11:34 AM
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I have never been more scared to death in my whole entire life. I hate what I am about to say but I would be better off if I were just about anyone else except for who I am (not including all of the starving children in Africa or homeless orphans in Siberia or refugees in Pakistan). I wish I were anyone else I know. I am jealous of all my friends, and I am so embarrassed by how bad my life has become that I have to avoid them because I would burst into tears if I ever had to hear someone ask me a question as simple as, "What are you up to these days?" It's not like telling someone that you are homeless, you can't find a job, you are hungry but eating hurts because you are missing two fillings, recently discovered you are HIV positive, some asshole stole a suitcase with all of your clothes in it, your old used car broke down after your newer more reliable one was reposessed because it was stolen and the police put it in the impound when it was recovered. That impound bill was too big and the lien holder took it back. You just ran out of food stamps, your family not only refuses to help you but goes so far as to send you names of people to contact to get a bed in a shelter. Your brother came to town for work and didn't call you because his wife hates you and forbade him. You do not even have the $1.25 it takes to get on the subway to attempt accomplishing your growing list of things to do. Your shameless therapist seems greedier than ever, which is why she is the rapist. Your former best friend/cousin got married and turned into a pussy-whipped stranger (the leash called love is attached to his wife's vagina) so you have spent lots of time alone. If one more person tells you what you have to be grateful for you will kill them. I guess, yes you are grateful for the automatic functions of your body's central nervous system because it would really suck having to wheel a respirator with you as you carry your luggage through dirty Koreatown. If you could make yourself stop breathing you would ... you are sick of apologizing for your ever-present suicide. And it seems like these days, when ever you need someone to be there for you, there ain't nobody else aroud ... and your mother sends you straight to voicemail and only communicates with you through text messages. All of this upsets me very much and I try not to think about it as much as I do, but I have to think about it just about all the time because it's constantly right up in my face or hovering above me or waiting for me wherever I'm about to go. And it sucks, and nobody really understands what being homeless is like until they have been homeless. The vapid people here think they know what the solution is, they say such ignorant things like, well the go and get a job without remembering that to get a job interview to go successfully, it is important to start to by deciding what you are wearig the night belore, brushing your teeth, showering, having enough money in your pocket to get there without having to walk from Vermont Ave. to Fairfax and dripping with sweat by the time you sit down at the guy's desk, essentially getting fired from a job before you even have a chance to work it.
Little did I know that I would be so WILDLY unsuccessful by the time I reached the age of 32. It is my hope to find others that can infuse just the right amount of bad decision making, shitty fucking luck, mashochism, unsupportive, wicked peers that chose to be critical in a mean way instead of a contstructive one and a string of jobs they not only find loathesome but that are completely unrelated to their passion in life ... I want to find all of my like minded, misunderstood black sheep and see just how useless we can be. We'll make a holiday of it ... The world's first completely useless observance day.
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Friday, May 22, 2009 4:59 AM
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i know I love you, because I hate you, and now I'd rather haunt you.
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Thursday, May 21, 2009 1:43 PM
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The yellow walls are lined with portraits
And I've got my new red fetching leather jacket
All these poses such beautiful poses
Makes any boy feel like picking up roses
There's never been such grave a matter
As comparing our new brand name black sunglasses
All these poses such beautiful poses
Makes any boy feel as pretty as princes
The green autumnal parks conducting
All the city streets a wondrous chorus singing
All these poses oh how can you blame me
Life is a game and true love is a trophy
And you said
Watch my head about it
no kidding
Reclined amongst these packs of reasons
For to smokes the days away into the evenings
All these poses of classical torture
Ruined my mind like a snake in the orchard
I did go from wanting to be someone now
I'm drunk and wearing flip - flops on Fifth Avenue
Once you've fallen from classical virtue
Won't have a soul to wake up and hold you
In the green autumnal parks conducting
All the city streets a wondrous chorus
Singing all these poses now no longer boyish
Made me a man but who cares what that is
And you said watch my head about it
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Thursday, May 21, 2009 1:31 PM
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California, California
You're such a wonder that I think I'll stay in bed
Big time rollers, part time models
So much to plunder
That I think I'll sleep instead
I don't know this sea of neon
Thousand surfers, whiffs of freon
And big nights back east with Rhoda
California please
There's a moment
I've been saving
A kind of crucifix around this munchkin land
Up north freezing, little me drooling
That's Entertainment's on at eight
Come on Ginger slam
I don't know this sea of neon
Thousand surfers, whiffs of freon
And my new grandma Bea Arthur
Come on over
Ain't it a shame that at the top
Peanut butter and jam they served you
Ain't it a shame that at the top
Still those soft skin boys can bruise you
Yes I fell for a streaker
Ain't it a shame
That all the world can't enjoy your mad traditions
Ain't it a shame that all the world
Don't got keys to their own ignitions
Life is the longest death in California
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Thursday, May 21, 2009 8:44 AM
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invite me to stay
tell me to make myself at home
tell me how glad you are to have the company
wait until i get a little bit comfortable
and then let me know how you really feel
so i will get lost
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Friday, May 08, 2009 9:29 AM
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I would have hung out at home tonight if I had a home to hang out in. I would have showered and brushed my teeth and shit and shaved and put on clean clothes and felt normal again. I would have made it to my really important job interview this morning. I would have been able to buy a carton of milk or a pound of ground beef. I would have used the gas burning stove to prepare a healthy meal in a perfect world. I would have put my leftovers into the refridgerator. I would have had someone over and maybe we would have had safe sex. I would have gone to bed late and woken up early and still felt rested. I would have and I should have if I only could have.
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Tuesday, May 05, 2009 3:06 PM
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You said, "don't e-mail me again. you are a bastard." you sure have the cold, heartless bitch act mastered. convincing people that i am out getting plastered, adds me to the list of things you have disastered.
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