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November 3, 2009 - Tuesday
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born in ....saint louis.... in 1976 there have always been complications that nobody else could fix. i escaped from there with my ambition still intact headed to ....new york...., and i wasn't moving back.
moved down to avenue a at the corner of ..4th street.. figured out i was gay and didn't feel so obsolete.
I was a kid working at a novelty store Dying to become oh so much more Went around the world to see what I could see But I found there was one place I longed to be Oh simple thing Where have you gone? I’m getting older I need something to rely on. So tell me when You’re gonna let me in It’s getting colder I need somewhere to begin…
TO BE CONTINUED...
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November 3, 2009 - Tuesday
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Current mood:  grateful
thank you for dogs with wagging tails thank you for beautiful hiking trails thank you for trips to the grocery store thank you for my friends whom i adore thank you for a lovely day to ride my bike thank you for music by tina turner and ike thank you for the ability to create my art thank you for keeping me and my vices apart thank you for michael and all he has provided thank you for my life back, i am just delighted.
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November 2, 2009 - Monday
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i fart too much. i always have, and i don't know why. i think it runs in my family. we all fart very liberally. my sister and i think it's funny. my other sister does it too, but she is more lady-like about it. when my mom farts, you can hear it from the other end of the house. her farts shake things. when dad farts, it always sounds like he had an accident in his shorts. it's really not a big deal. everyone farts.
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November 2, 2009 - Monday
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.................................................................. ****************************************** ############################### =============================== What you're gonna do when your love is gone Who you're gonna play when the game has ended Where you're gonna go when the bird has flown How you're gonna be when you're all alone What you're gonna do when you're on your own What you're gonna have when there's no way home What you're gonna try when your cover's blown How you're gonna fly when your wings are broken ................................................................. =============================== ----------------------------------------------------------
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October 29, 2009 - Thursday
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I am so sick and tired of being alone. I don't know what happened to me along the way. There was a time when I was a bit younger than I am now that I had them coming and going (no pun intended). Now it's definitely not that way anymore and I get so fucking lonesome I could just die. I don't even have a Goddamn dog. I float through my days kind of listlessly, not making real connections with anyone, it seems. There are certainly the superficial people I meet out and about. I mean, they are everywhere. After all, this is L.A. Everyone pretends to be so fantastic, so well-to-do, on the up and up. It's been so long since I have spent some time anyplace else that I wonder if this is just the way people are. Or is this just the way people are in L.A.? I don't know the answer to that anymore, and I think I used to know. Like, when I first moved to the west coast, I remember being astounded by central dumbness that surrounded most of the people I met. I've since met some really wonderful people that I truly value in my life and am very grateful to have friendshps with today, but those people are few and far between. Maybe I'm just in one of those awkward phases like when you are going through puberty and your voice changes or that uneven growth phase when you have really big feet and skinny legs and a big head but an underdeveloped body. Maybe that's exactly what's happening in my life today, maybe I'm chANging again and I don't know yet what the changes are going to be, and so I can't decide if what I do is for the better or for the worse. This is just what i have been thinking about today.
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October 29, 2009 - Thursday
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regarding Lisa Burton of this I am certain:
we have shared many laughs and she saved my ass on more than just one occasion
when we were up to no good and living in the same hood, the variable in each other's equations
but then she moved out and i went without seeing her every day when i see her now all i can say is wow hip hip hurray!!!
we've both had shit to endure but of this i am sure:
she is one of my bestest friends she knows when i am in distress and is the most kickass princess we'll love each other 'til the end
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October 28, 2009 - Wednesday
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Breathe in, breathe out I say a little prayer How the gods above Could be so unfair
I know there's someone out there Waiting for me There must be someone out there There just has to be
I should be glad that I'm alive It could have been much worse I might have never loved at all And never known what I am worth
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October 26, 2009 - Monday
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thank you for my favorite friends thank you for pink paint pens thank you for my stylish flair thank you for hot underwear thank you for monarch butterflies thank you for really cute guys thank you for meeting my needs thank you for strangers who do good deeds. thank you for warm and inviting smiles thank you for marlboro miles thank you for good talks with mom and dad thank you for helping me laugh when i'm sad thank you for keeping me safe away from harm thank you for taking the needle out of my arm thank you for a brand new start thank you for defrosting my heart.
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October 25, 2009 - Sunday
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for a second tonight while i was dancing in my chicken costume, it felt like everything was good. it's the first time i can remember having a feeling like that in the longest time ... it's been many years since the last time everything just seemed okay. what a relief it was! all the components were there: great music, fun people, dancing, i was in the rhythm of the moment.... and then it was gone. i'm home now, laying on my bed ... still in my chicken costume... i have to remember to remember that everything is okay
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October 23, 2009 - Friday
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i'm not allowed to make a mistake or slip and fall you've got to stay on the up and up is what they tell me or else... or else... or else.... or else...
or else what? what happens when i make a bad decision? in all the years i have left to live, i am fairly certain that i will make at least one or two of them. and who are you to tell me that i have crossed a finish line?
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