Hello!

It's been a long time since I wrote here. I write in other places too. You just have to try harder to find those places.

So here's what has been up!

The MTV Made episode I was in is now online - check it out here:
http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1590985&vid=258089

I was a flower girl in Bobby and Claire's wedding and it's caused some commotion:
http://offbeatbride.com/2008/08/dana-jay-beinreferrer

I was interviewed in the Weekly Dig a few weeks back:
http://www.weeklydig.com/arts-entertainment/defend-yourself/200807/dana-jay-bein

Currently you can find me in ImprovBoston's TheaterSports cast (soon to be Friday Night Faceoff) on Fridays at 10PM.
www.improvboston.com

I'm writing for my one man show The UnNatural Nature of Nurture which goes up on Wednesdays in March 2009 at ImprovBoston.

I am hosting a stand up showcase at Northeastern's After Hours on September 10th. Comedians to be announced soon!!!

You can still see my 3 Boston Globe Stores.com commercials airing on NESN during Red Sox games. (also featuring Bobby Smithney)

Also keep an eye out for more showings of Gayboy/Straightboy with me and Steve Kleinedler...our first show was a success - so we'll likely bring it back soon!

Questions? Shoot me a message or email me at dana@danajaybein.com

Dana

So the last few weeks have been exciting for the BSOC!

Here's what's up!

I'm currently shooting an episode of MTV's Made. I was tapped as a comedy coach for an episode to air early this summer! It's crazy. The shoot lasts 6 weeks and my class at ImprovBoston will be featured in the episode. It's sure to be huge publicity for me and for IB!

This week begins the return of the action/adventure and ever popular serial improv show Quest at ImprovBoston. It runs from 4/23 through 4/27 consecutively. Each show picks up where the last one left off! Don't miss it! Tickets are going fast - reserve now at www.improvboston.com!

On 4/27 at 7PM, we will be running a one time only Fort Awesome Meets Girls Night Out! Both shows were slams when they ran in ImprovBoston's showcase slot. Now they're together on one stage. See it this coming Sunday on ImprovBoston's Mainstage!

If you're a Red Sox fan locally, you may have seen my commercial on NESN for Boston Globe Stores.com! Bobby Smith and I shot a days worth of footage that will end up in at least 2 commercials if not three! See them all season long on NESN during the Sox games!

On 5/1 my BCAE spring beginner stand up class has its grad show at the BCAE on Comm Ave. It's FREE! Check out the freshest faces in Boston stand up!!! OH and check out their summer catalogue where you'll find a certain instructor featured in their instructor spotlight! (ME!)

Ever wonder what it's like to date me? What's it worth to you? If it's worth money - come bid on me and several other comedians at the ImprovBoston Bachelor/Bachelorette Auction at Venu on 5/4! Check out www.improvboston.com for more details! WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN ON A DATE WITH ME?!?! My auction bio is on my profile page!

Ever wonder what I look like naked? End those musings on 5/7 at the Naked Comedy Showcase at ImprovBoston!!! Me + Naked + Stand Up = this show. CRAZY! This show will sell out. I'm not kidding.

Read the Improper Bostonian? In the next issue, you'll find a nice glossy photo of me, Robert Woo, Rachel Rosenthal and Will Luera representing ImprovBoston!!!

Lots going on! Stay tuned for more!

Yours!

djb

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DPw1NPMtHg

LOTS!

Check it out....

ImprovBoston has moved to 40 Prospect Street to a beautiful new comedy theater with two stages and a bar! Amazing. Check it out. I’ll give you a tour.

My new semester of stand up classes start this weekend at ImprovBoston. Register now at www.improvboston.com if you want to give stand up a try!

I’m mid semester in my stand up class at the BCAE and they’ve featured me in their summer semester course catalogue - so if you see a BCAE box on the street - grab a catalogue and you’ll see me!

I am in the ImprovBoston Bachelor Auction at Venu on 5/4. If you’ve ever wanted to date me or a comedian - check it out - all proceeds go to IB’s Funny Money Capital Campaign - you can see my bachelor bio video on my profile!

You can see me do stand up AND see me in my birfday suit on 5/7 at the Naked Comedy Showcase at ImprovBoston. If you prefer me clothed, check out the video of my recent set at ImprovBoston in my profile.

I’ll be participating in the 48 hour film festival the weekend of 4/4-4/6 so you have a chance to see my acting skill set.

I’ll be performing with ImprovBoston’s Quest during GeekWeek in the last week of April - The latest in the run of this improvised, fantasy hit will run 5 consecutive nights with each show picking up where the last one left off.

My 2nd official ImprovBoston stand up student grad show is 4/9 at 9:30 at ImprovBoston.

You can still see me in the ImprovBoston TheaterSports cast Fridays at 10 - although 3/28 - I’ll be in the Northampton Center for the Arts performing on location there.
So prepare yourself Western Masochists - I’m coming home. :)

I’m sure that’s not it - but it’s certainly enough for now. :)
Sorry that I didn’t list that stuff in order of the calendar but...my secretary is on vacation and my seeing eye dog was put to sleep.

Questions? Message me!

Hope to see you at one of these events!

LAUGH!

Dana

Welcome to the age of ignorance.
We have entered an era of extreme ineptitude.
Our reliance on technology is incredible and disturbing at the same time.
Our ability to socialize diminishes while our words per minute increase.
Our methods of communication increase but our messages are still lost.

How am I? Read my blog. You aren't special. You'll get the same message as every other stranger who stumbles across my live journal.

How do I feel? Read my status on Facebook! Don't ask me. You're wasting my time. There's nothing we need to talk about that you can't post on my wall.

Are we becoming antisocial or technosocial?

Soon, we'll all be MySpace or Facebook profiles.
Trapped in the interests, movies and music we have posted. Locked into relationship statuses like "It's complicated" and seeking statuses like "Anything I can get".

What can you learn about me that you can't learn from my profile?
Nothing. I'm 2 dimensional. You'll know what's new when I update my profile.
If it's not there, it's not a part of me or my life.

Can't get enough? Google me. Everything you'll find is 100% accurate.
Even the posts made by 13 year old girls that say "Dana's bein' gay..." are
accurate. (I know that's an abbreviation of the word 'being', but chances are I was being gay)

Technosocializing, as I call it, has made dishonesty easy. It has complicated the simple and diluted the real. I can't imagine the impact it has on young children growing up in the already harsh and judgmental cliques found in our school systems.
Now, you REALLY know where you stand because the popular kids don't accept your MySpace friendship. (Even though you put the best picture ever taken of you as your profile picture) Fortunately for me, the internet didn't really boom until I was in college. At that point in my life, I had already learned how to socialize in public, away from a computer monitor. (and sometimes technosocializing still retards my social life)

I find it interesting that our country has a tremendous weight problem and coincidentally the internet allows for us to do everything from home. You don't have to leave home to work, shop, communicate, see a movie - I'm surprised you can't get cyber gym memberships. Yeah, that's the ticket...watch virtual you lose virtual weight at the online gym. You'll burn mental calories like never before. Never leave home again! Try the cyber diet! Download three meals a day and lose 30 pounds in a month - GUARANTEED!

WebMD has boosted hypochondria and self diagnosis to a dangerous level.
According to my WebMD induced paranoia - I have multiple sclerosis, colitis, pregnancy, conjunctivitis, jaundice, hepatitis A,B and C, rocky mountain fever, hoof in mouth, gout, lymphoma, the heebie jeebies, Festivus and the Cumberland Gap.
Since I'm confident with my self diagnoseeeeeeees - I don't need to see a doctor even though it recommends one on the site. (Question, is it normal to have one sclerosis - just not multiple sclerosis?) Imagine being a doctor faced with this (albeit slightly toned down) paranoia. Mr. Bein - you aren't pregnant. You don't have ovaries or a uterus. Do I have hepatitis Doc? No, Mr. Bein. But the website said... Please leave, Mr. Bein. I'm going to get a second opinion online with a Second Life doctor.

Don't even get me started on Second Life. What a concept! I'm too much of a douche-brained chucklehead to consider buying real property...let's purchase imaginary property in an imaginary cyber world because everyone else is doing it. Insanity.
How socially palsyed do you have to be to take your already pathetic existence to an even MORE pathetic existence - one that doesn't ACTUALLY exist?!?! At least Worlds of Warcraft falls under the guise of gaming (and even that's a stretch considering how much time people spend playing it) I want to get involved in Second Life just to become a cyber serial killer. I'll wipe out all of your avatars one by one just to get you to realize the pile of flesh in the chair in front of your computer probably serves a better purpose elsewhere. How's your family doing? NO NOT THAT FAMILY! Your REAL family! Call your mom. Talk to your crazy uncle. Drink some Yoohoo or Fanta. Get your senses aligned with reality again.

What's the point Dana? Visit www.wakethefuckup.com! Get out there and see the things you're Googling! Meet some people face to face! Forget Second Life and stop neglecting your First Life! Talk to strangers! Obtain some palpable and tangible information that isn't downloaded to your hard drive!
Meet someone - THEN MySpace them! Novel! Live a real life. Learn by doing.
Log the fuck off!

Take a break from LinkedIn, Doostang, Online Fantasy Football, Craigslist, BlacksonBlonds.com, Snopes, Amazon, EBay, Netflix, Blogger, MySpace, Facebook, Cnn.com, WebMD, Pandora and 2Girls1Cup!!!

I'm not telling you Wikipedia, Amazon.com and porn are bringing down true socializing. I find them all useful but you can learn, shop and fuck in the real world and all it takes is some motivation and real socializing. For serious.

This is all extremely hypocritical seeing as I'm posting (drumroll) online.
As I mentioned earlier, I too, get sucked into technosocializing - the difference being I root my technosocializing in reality. The reality of today is I'm sick. (diagnosed on WebMD of course - they told me I have a cold) Hopefully whatever virus I'm carrying is only a social virus and not a technosocial virus, otherwise you'd better smear some Purell on your keyboard pronto. (WebMD recommends it - so does BlacksonBlonds.com for some reason...hmm)

In other news...
I love the Patriots and I think Belichick is probably the best coach of all time but how
much of a cold hearted prick are you that when you are in a good mood it makes the front cover of the Boston Globe? "Belichick puts Smile Into Play" - D1 Globe 1/29/08

Are strokes more rampant than ever? The advertisements to recognize when someone is having a stroke certainly are. FAST! Face - Arms - Speech - Time! If one of your friends has half a limp face, can't lift an arm and says Bof Fri Freu - get their ass to the ER stat! I think the Strokes should team up with the animators of these ads and make a music video. Team up! Strokes Againsts Strokes. When I'm having a stroke, my face goes limp at the end and I can usually lift my arms unless I've been at it for a while. I try not to speak during a stroke - it's not pretty.

In December I had an epiphane - a realization - an understanding with myself.
I'd like to share it with you. Apologies if you've heard this already. I tend to repeat myself to those who are around me the most. I share this with you because it might inspire you. It might not. It might piss you off. If it pisses you off, you've got some work to do. Shortly after the Christmas holiday, I realized that in my life since late elementary school I've been putting in about 65 to 70% effort into everything I do.
I recognized then that I was intelligent and charming enough to get by and do so better than some who put in 100%. Since then, I've accomplished quite a bit that I'm proud of. Though, what could I have accomplished if I put in 90%? Who knows?
That's the basis of my realization. It's time to step up. Since December, I've been writing more, working harder, working out every day, being a better friend and family member, reading more, being more honest and putting in the 90% that I should be putting in. As a result, I've never been happier. I could never have imagined that I'd be in this place right now. I've come to terms with the fact that you are responsible for your own happiness and you can't rely on any external factors to get you there. You have to make the best you that you can - become independently happy and then you can heighten and accessorize that happiness with the external (such as a significant other, a car, a condo - whatever). Make yourself more attractive to yourself and you'll become happier. A happier you will attract more fun, more opportunities and other people. If you haven't trusted me on anything yet, trust me on this one.

OK back to being a douche...
In college, my school put on a production of Dracula. The lead who played Dracula was
queer as folk, gayer than pink and homosexual. In the show, there's a scene where Dracula is supposed to seduce, feel up and bite the female lead. I say he's supposed to because that's not exactly what transpired. What happened was HIGHlarious!
Dracula made his approach and began to somewhat convincingly caress the lead - still heterosexual. He then kissed around her neck which didn't seem out of the ordinary - still heterosexual. Then, he beat off her tits like they were cocks. WTF? Ok, that's not exactly what happened but he felt her up as if he was making one of those Thanksgiving hand turkeys in nursery school. He approached the breasts with such hesitant delicacy as if they'd break and yolk would pour out of them upon his touch.
I'm not saying breasts don't deserve care and gentle attention - I'm just saying that it's obvious when a guy confuses the way you touch ballsack with the way you touch breasts. It would have been less awkward and less blatantly gay if he tuned in Tokyo.
Girls LOVE that. Needless to say (just as needless as the phrase needless to say), this was the highlight of the show. That and the idea that Dracula might slip and say "I vant to suck your dick, I mean, BLOOOOD!" Sure, gay men are better actors in college but rehearse the feel up scene and block out where the hands should go.

My mom is going to Arizona. She is going to be near the SuperBowl.
She's done this for 5 years or so. She has gone to the SuperBowl site but not to the actual game. That doesn't work for me. That's like doing the work to get a girl naked and going home upon nudity. We're here! I'm out. Ok, maybe this will work better for you...it's like going to the McDonalds with a playground as a kid (the one across town) and not getting to play in the playground. Or driving by SixFlags and not being able to go in and cut loose. Spend hundreds of dollars to get there and not actually get there.
It's like teasing yourself.
Buying a scratch ticket and not scratching it. Watching Jeopardy but not Final Jeopardy. Going to the Cheesecake Factory and not eating Cheesecake. Walking in Downtown Crossing and not getting harassed by solicitors. Renting a porn and not being able to touch yourself. I don't understand it. She enjoys it.

I used to have sex dreams about Minnie Mouse. I'm not kidding.
They've stopped mostly because under the costume I'm sure she's a Mexican guy named Pancho. I've begun having sex dreams about Mexican guys named Pancho.
Mickey Mouse takes less issue with this. I'm entitled to my own Fantasia! Eff you, you over celebrated prepubescent rodent!

I was nose mining today and one of my fingers is still missing. The mayor says there's still hope. Mining is dangerous (pronounce it with a hard g to emphasize the danGer)! Even if the cavern you're exploiting doesn't collapse, your lungs darken like Alfonso Ribeiro when he's not playing Carlton.

I haven't blogged in a while. It's not that I haven't been inspired - JUST THE OPPOSITE HULKAMANIACS! So much inspiration - so little time. So today is the one year anniversary of Steve Irwin's passing. :(  If I could bring people back from the dead, he'd be one of the first. I'd also bring back my uncle Joe, Martin Luther King, Mitch Hedberg, my Nana and JFK to name a few.

Here are some words that aren't used enough: asswad, fervor, hullaballoo, fuckface, baboon, jilted, Trappist Monk, palsy, huckleberry, beefy, nugget, Geronimo, opaque, dong, batshit, jagoff and loon.

I have found endless amusement recently in using versions of the word palsy as a verb. Example: When I asked her out she had a palsyed look on her face. Example 2: The dracula bit me and my face began to palsy. Go ahead - use it - but give me credit. You're welcome.

So the transient wave of college students has returned to Beantown and with it comes a new level of annoyance. I'm not sure what bothers me more - is it the packs of freshmen obstructing my marathon sidewalk pace or the I'm only visiting for four years so I CAN shit where I eat attitude? Yeah, I was a student once but I have an inexplicable Massholian loyalty to Boston. It was INSTANTLY my home when I moved into my freshman abode. Are dorms abodes? I don't know - fuckin' Wikipedia it, you cockhead! Yeah, I went there. Of course, I yearned to escape my white trash compactor of a duplex to spread my wings of independence and shake them of suburban ignorance and fear. 

Have you seen Bill Clinton lately? He looks terrible!!! He looks like a scab of his old self. I mean the guy looks like he needs a blow job. I know that look. I can't cure it, for Christ sake no, not me, but I know the look. He has cliffs on the bags under his eyes. There are crags on those cliffs where extreme insects have lost their lives. Insects so extreme that they've foregone their ability to fly to climb the contour of Bill Clinton's face! Imagine if your wife was going to get your old job. Or your husband. Imagine if people thought she might do a better job than you did. Imagine if she looked more appropriate in a double breasted suit than you did. Imagine karate chopping a tofu baby in half. HI YA! That's what tofu babies are for! Keep smiling - keep shining - tofu's made for common herbivores - that's what tofu babies are for!

I used to have deathmatches with insects in my backyard. I'd find a spider web and I'd have one contestant with a home field advantage. Then I'd lift rocks and hunt for opponents. I'll be honest - the spiders almost always won. The most interesting deathmatch was Spider vs. Nightcrawler. The Nightcrawler definitely lost, but the spider had to take several breaks in it's asskicking. I think it's web making gland was getting chafed. The spider instantly pounced on the Nightcrawler and began to bite and spin it's sticky bodybag. BUT IT TOOK FOREVER!!! Some of the next opponents got away during the longevity that was this epic match! I was pissed because I caught an earwig to coach and train for a fight and he got away. I was horrified of earwigs because of the pincer on it's hind that made up 1/3 of its body. When I'd catch one, it was a victory for me. (and eventually for the spider) As it turns out, the spiders in my yard were some of the most well fed spiders in the northeast. I was like the Dominos of insect delivery.

How funny is it that David Beckham is injured? Now, I was a soccer player for 11 years. I love to play soccer but I'm pessimistic about it ever catching on in the USA. So, in trots Beckham to launch soccer into orbit in the US and he fell faster than my erection when my mom caught me wrestling it. 1-2-3! Dana wins again! Stupid erection never learns.

What kind of ideas do people get when they watch commercials for aspirin and medicine to illicit the 'use as directed' warning? Too many Pepto Daquiri accidents? Oops I used Advil Cold and Sinus instead of pebbles in my fish tank! Stupid dead fish! It'll take some convincing, but Robitussin doesn't shampoo AND condition your hair.

Scientists have been lining up at my door because I found an image of the periodic table on my grilled cheese. I don't know what it means...but...

I want to give a shout out to a great friend who is moving across the left coast of the country. Mr. Josh Pritchard, I'm really sorry we didn't hang out this weekend. I'm going to miss you, but I'm sure I'm going to see you around the way. Take great care of yourself in the meantime. You are an inspiration and one of the most generous and talented people I know.

ImprovBoston will move out of the house at 25 years old. We will shed the digs at 1253 Cambridge Street and move to the top of Prospect Street near Mass Ave. next to the Field. We will occupy the space that used to be Yoshinoya - the old Asian market.

The new space will offer two performance spaces. There will be a mainstage that will seat 100 audience members comfortably and a cabaret theater/rehearsal space that will house experimental shows and stand up comedy.
We will also have a bar serving snacks, wine and beer!  We triple our total square footage - we add more bathrooms - we are right on the red line. We hope to open our new ImprovBoston Theater with this year's Gorefest - Blood on the Bayou (which I'm in! clap!)

We've always had the talent; we'll finally have the professional sheen we deserve. A lot of hard work has already gone into this project and there are long days ahead. YOU CAN HELP make those days easier. How?
You can donate to ImprovBoston's 25th Anniversary Funny Money Capital Campaign! We have a lofty goal of raising 150K to help cover the costs of our new venture. If you're kind enough to donate, ImprovBoston is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization, and your donation is tax deductible.You can donate using a credit or debit card online. Any monetary help is appreciated.

To donate now follow this link: http://www.improvboston.com/home/donate.php?id=15787

If you have any questions, please send me a message.

I thank you for your support of non-profit comedy and my personal passions!

Dana

On day 2 of being 29, I woke up. No, waking up isn't surprising to me yet. Maybe when I'm 30. Not now, though.

Here's what IS surprising. I drank a lot last night. It's 8:30AM. I'm not hungover.  I don't know how I did it.  I wonder what was unusual about last night's festivities. Hmm. I did drink with a beaded necklace on.  Could beaded necklaces be the preemptive strike against hangovers? I know they're the preemptive strike against drunk girls shirts...but also hangovers?

BREAKING NEWS!!! Irish bars don't like large groups of paying customers. About 25 or more of my friends visited the Thirsty Scholar after an ImprovBoston meeting about half a year ago or so. It was about 7:30PM. We deliberately chose a bar other than Bukowskis just to mix it up and because its loud atmosphere is often inconducive to conversation. So we get to the Scholar and we take up the majority of the left hand side of the seating area. Other than the lot of us, there were two other couples eating quietly on the opposite side of the room.  Now, if the hungry AND thirsty 25 of us were to order 1 drink and 1 appetizer, our tab would run about $375. That is to assume no one orders a second or third drink and no one orders an entree/meal. (I don't think anything served at the Scholar is quite 'entree' level) So, we had probably run up a tab of at least $500 when, seemingly out of the blue, a 'manager' approaches our table and asks us to please keep it down because the dinner crowd is still finishing up. Almost in sync, the 25 of us look around for said dinner crowd. This douche couldn't possibly mean the four assholes on the other side of the room. Never would I consider four of anything a crowd. Never would I consider the Thirsty Scholar a venue to have a dinner crowd. Never would I admit to having a dinner crowd at a slummy Irish pub.

What's funny about this is that the manager in these situations always feels like his or her hands are completely tied. It's as if the dinner crowd was some sort of lynch mob with flaming torches and projectiles. Don't shoot the messenger! Come on! What's even funnier, is, let's say, the dinner crowd of four DID complain. Where do their complaints end? What do you expect when you enter an Irish pub around drinking time? Excuse me sir, could you make it a little less dark in here? And also, I find there are one two many flags with beer ads on them. While we're at it, I'd prefer not to be served by a man wearing a polo shirt. Hmpf. Perhaps you could sweep up a bit and have a few more teeth. Oh and while we're discussing things that need improvement, this sherry is not as dry as it could be.

But let's focus on the real dolt here - the manager. You're hands are never tied as a manager. You're supposed to weigh the situation in your stupid manager head and figure out the best decision for your business and for your customers. You're a manager, asshat! MANAGE THE SITUATION! $500+ vs. what? $75? Beyond the financial simplicity of this decision gone wrong, I've been a part of customer service trainings where they explain how far word of mouth gets. One bad experience is usually shared with 7 to 9 people on average and those people usually share the story with 4 to 6 people and those people usually share...YOU GET THE POINT. Eventually, word of mouth gets to hundreds of people through one bad experience. So, let's assume there were 25 of us there (not just in my head). 25 multiplied by hundreds. Well now there's an army of people who know. Do you know how many dinner crowds make up an army?

So what was the deal at the Scholar? I know it's baffling, but last night's experience might have tied this loose end for me.

So, last night, about 10 of us were at the Burren. ANOTHER IRISH PUB. Irish Pubs are like bedbugs in this town. You can't shake them. Similar to the Scholar incident, we initially went to the Joshua Tree, but it was loud and crowded. So, we crossed the street and went into the much more spacious and appropriate Burren. There was NO dinner crowd at the Burren. Yes, there were more than four people there, but they weren't assigned a pretentious name by an over-confident and out of touch fucktard.

It was about 10PM. Everyone there was drinking and everyone there was having fun. We were too. UNTIL - a douchebag Burren messenger comes to our table and tells us sheepishly and hands tiededly (anyone?) that the bartender wishes that we'd keep it down. How the bartender could hear us over the wall of noise being made at the bar is completely beyond me. The douchebag kind of shrugged as if to imply not to worry about it or that bitch is crazy and walked away. I once noticed that bartenders aren't permanently imprisoned behind the bar. I even saw a wooden flap open up once and the bartender walked right out into the lay people's area. Mayhaps if the bartender was so pissy about our noise level, she could have crawled her delegating ass over to us and said so herself. Actually, she could have even shushed us given the proximity of the bar to our table. We wouldn't have heard her over the soundstorm that was between us and her but that's another completely relevant point that I won't make again. It's like shushing the traffic on the Pike when you're at Fenway. The Pike isn't 'that' noisy and it's completely necessary to help facilitate your business. Not to mention Fenway is far noisier than the Pike. Oh wow, the points just make themselves here. I should be a bar manager. I think when I completed my chromosome set, I pulled myself out of that race involuntarily. People = drinks = money. More people = more drinks = more money. HOW DO YOU FUCK THAT EQUATION UP? Ok, I'm not a jerk. Yes, I am, but a logical jerk. I get that if we were violent or threatening to be violent - if we were naked - if we had exotic pets - if we were using the floor as a urinal - if we were performing lewd sex acts (some aren't lewd) - if we were underage - if we were clearly drunk - if we had given any indication that we weren't deserving of service - we might get thrown out or shushed AND I'd understand.

So, anyways we carried on, hoping that this was a one time thing. NO. Around the end of my second drink, we were shushed again. Nothing makes me want to crush people more than being shushed, especially when I'm not being loud. I'm  sorry, did we stumble into a library that serves beer? Am I accidentally drinking in study hall again? There had to be a dinner crowd there somewhere.

And again, this douchebag messenger kind of shrugs and acts like it's not his word, but this time he's willing to argue about it. Again, his hands didn't have to be tied. If he disagreed with the skank who sent the message of SHUSH, he could have argued such. He didn't. Congratulations, you pussy - you got someone else's message across while at the same time convincing everyone that your spine is made of tampons. Even a librarian isn't sheepish when he or she shushes someone. He or she's dignified. It doesn't make me like being shushed anymore, but it maintains my respect for the authority of the librarian. You, douchebag, have no authority and no respect. If you believed in shushing us - say so. If you didn't, stand up for yourself or at least swallow next time around so people don't know what you've been up to.

So, we finish our drinks and we leave. Hey I'm very much Irish and I like to drink, but I'll be damned if I go to either of those places again. I'm not bitter. :) I just don't understand. In neither case were we being excessively loud. In both cases, we were respectful of the staff AND tipping well. In both cases, we wanted to have a good time at a bar. So, here's some advice, potential bar managers and/or entrepreneurs... if you don't like noise, large groups of people or money...DON'T FUCKING OPEN A BAR! Or put up a sign that says "If you're with a party larger than a dinner crowd, drink elsewhere".

So last night, where do we end up? Old faithful - Bukowskis. Where they respect the tenets of what a bar is. Also, they gave me the beaded necklace. To the Burren and the Scholar - suck my dinner crowd. I'll make sure that I tell those stories to more than 9 people because I'm not hungover and I AM spiteful.

So, is it Irish Pubs in Boston? No - I've been to several others that understand and uphold the tenets of what a bar is. (The Druid - most notably). Is it Tuesday nights? Perhaps. Both incidents happened on Tuesday nights. Is it a fear of fun? Is it the need to control large crowds to forge the path toward self-esteem? Whatever it is - it's unfortunate. This scholar isn't thirsty anymore and it's not my burren to bear.

 

 

as the look on Brady Quinn's face as he continues to slip in the NFL draft.
Suck it up you overpriveleged, overhyped, underdeserving douchebag!
I'm sure your less than acceptable multi-million dollar contract will someday be all right for you. In the meantime, go fuck yourself. Ha ha ha! There's only one Brady deserving of hype and he's far more humble and deserving than you'll ever be. Just ask Giselle.

Now I'm not a Don Imus fan and I don't condone what he said.
At all. I'm wondering, though, if all of the fallout is necessary. I don't believe Imus made a racist comment. I believe Imus tried to make a joke. Michael Richards he is not. Michael Richards yelled 'the' slur to a group of black hecklers. Imus made a dumb joke.
What's interesting to me is that I hear Boston police officers say more offensive things everyday when I walk through Downtown Crossing. Should they be fired? Should they apologize to everyone? Some of the officers are black and some of them are white. Where does this witchhunt end? I mean police officers are supposed to serve and protect. Imus was merely supposed to entertain. (I said supposed to - I didn't say he was entertaining - so if you're going to fire him, fire him for sucking) If police officers can get away with worse language than Imus, how can Imus be justifiably fired? I hate Don Imus, but I think an apology was a sufficient penance. Three athletes from Duke were falsely accused of RAPE and were scrutinized and judged and tormented for months until they were acquitted. All they got was an apology. The DA didn't get fired - all he had to do was apologize (and he didn't even HAVE to). However, those athletes lives will never be the same. (they're still jarheaded lacrosse playing douchebags though) What Don Imus needs is an agreeable black cohost to absorb the racism accusations a la Howard Stern with Robin Quivers. Then, he can also get little people drunk and encourage callers to taunt them with threats of violence...but that's another story.

I guess my big concern is that people of more importance and higher status than Imus speak much more ill toward other races, creeds and sexual preferences. In addition, there are blacks who call themselves 'hos' and 'n-words', gays that call themselves 'fags' and zero white people who call themselves 'crackers'. I heard a black man call a bunch of white people "n-words". If a self proclaimed smaht kid like me is confused by this slang - I can't imagine what someone who doesn't know what self proclaimed means is thinking. I say everyone should get punished for using racially based words or no one does. I know the power and the hate behind slurs and I think that unless you can prove someone used a word maliciously, you don't have a case. Since that is often impossible (not in Kramer's case - gideeyup); it should be all or no one. Also, white people should begin to use the term cracker as frequently as possible to stir the pot even more.

In summary, there are a lot of ignorant people out there - Imus being one of them.
Ignorant people say ignorant things no matter what side of the slur they fall on.
If every ignorant person lost their job for the ignorant things they said, who'd serve my French fries? That's right...Don Imus would serve my French fries...my stinky, arrogant, beret wearing French fries. Sorry, I'm using a stereotypewriter.


SARCASTIC DISCLAIMER
Dana's girlfriend is Jewish and his childhood pet was a black lab so he's definitely not racist.