... say awful things to her younger sister.  So, he got away with being an azzhole to her.  He got away with emotional abuse.  He got away with being evil to me and everyone that loved her.

The final straw?  Telling her younger sister to go F*** herself.

OH NO HE DIDN'T

And so .. the relationship is over, she has grabbed her life back, the ticket is cancelled, and she is smiling again.

And my word now?

Take that, Loser Boy.  You go f*** yourself. 

When are you ever gonna learn?  The north ALWAYS wins! 

Mutti Returns!

And when you know they are returning to an emotionally abusive boyfriend in a house full of drug addicts that is the hardest thing of all.

But, hey.  What would I know?  She is 18, afterall.  As if turning that magical age finally opens the window to all the knowledge you need to be successful.

And so, the same bright girl that always told me she would settle for nothing but the best, the one that said she would find a man who had a future so she would never struggle like I do is doomed to repeat history.

Turn away the college grads with aspirations for that same Loser Boy with a 9th grade education, one who calls here stoned all the time, one who has worked a total of one day and refuses to find a job so she is paying her own way back.  

As I listened to her last nite begging him yet again and I felt nothing but revulsion.  Not that she is leaving here, but that she is going to THAT lifestyle.  Not that she is going to be with a boy, but with THAT boy.  Not that one day she will have a child, but that she will have a child with someone who sees getting high as a way of life.

And so, I can only hope any pray that what I have taught her will get her through the bad times.  And that when she finally realizes Mom isn't so stupid after all that she is not a Mom herself.

Time to go throw up.

Becky 
(formerly known as Mutti)

I took the blog down earlier today because it had become a safety issue for Hayley. 
She has read many of the comments and I am thankful to say that as I type this she is sitting on a train heading for home.  When she comes back the first thing I will do is hug her and thank God for returning her safely.  Then I will have her sit and read all of the comments that have been posted.  The oupouring of love has been amazing.

Your calls, texts, comments and postings here have made a difference, and saved my child from a life of pure hell.  Maybe it is not so bad today, but we all know where it was headed.  It is an abusive situation that eventually would have turned to physical violence and I did not want that for my daughter.

I know she will be amazed at some of the postings.  No doubt she will be in pain, for leaving someone you love hurts, even when they hurt you.  I know, for I, too, have been there.  She deserves more.  Much more than that.  And you have all helped her.

God has many angels on earth .. and I found a bunch of them on myspace.

I love you all.  And if ever I can help any of you I am but a message away.

Becky

This has been very much a year of change for the girls and I, and I have learned so much. As I looked around this Christmas, I realized I had worried for nothing, and that God has provided for us, that we might not always have what we want, but we certainly have what we need.

Years ago the holiday would have been about expensive presents, the latest gadgets, clothing bought at the best stores. This year is so very different, where I took the time to just sit and hold my youngest, to stop and smell the roses. It was not about the show, it was about the fun.

Today at Mom's I laughed .. at the wrapping paper, little Charley climbing in the cupboards. And I know there is no other place I would rather be than with my family, the people that love us ... unconditionally.

And this evening as I sat in the front seat of the truck I realized that sometimes life just sucks. And it doesn't matter what you do, or what you don't do things just are, and life is as it is. And somehow I must choose to accept it as it is and find a way in my heart to deal with it all, or to walk away.

And then I take a moment to think and realize it will never be that easy. And, so I guess I shall do the only thing I really can do, and that is put it in God's hands. For only He knows what is best for me, for us. And at the same time I shall pray that He gives me the strength I shall need to deal with the outcome of his decision.

Life was so much easier when I was the little kid climbing in the cupboards ....

Becky