Michael Phelps is an absolute beast--an übermensch doing ridiculous, unheard of, unbelievable things in his skivvies.  To me, he is the apotheosis of "athlete"--perfecting the human body to perform a specific, human task.  In the pool, there are no points for style, or grace, or execution.  It's a race, pure and simple, and the fastest man wins.  I think that's why his victories have appealed to me so much (I actually feel pretty emotional watching him win!).  There is no contesting who reaches the wall first; it's nothing but you, the water, and your determination to excel. 

Phelps is a true athlete and champion in the best sense of the word, and I'm thoroughly enjoying his record run in Beijing. 

I don't get enough sleep.

Why are Z's associated with sleep?

Sleep can be attached to lots of different prepositions.  You sleep on a decision.  You sleep off a hangover.  You sleep over a friend's house.  You sleep in till noon.  You sleep around and end up on Maury.

I have a gift for picking out amazing mattresses.

I don't spend enough time on said mattresses.

The End.

I am a big fan of Jack Danyells (not his real name, duh) and his youtube channel.  I highly encourage you to check it out:

http://youtube.com/profile?user=JackDanyells

His videos are always interesting and entertaining, and usually downright hilarious.  In his latest video (http://youtube.com/watch?v=v__d1ToOea8) he asks for subscribers to write a haiku (on any topic) as part of a support for the arts kinda deal.  Here's my contribution:

Mockingbird

Once I thought I saw
a nightingale on the wing.
"Caw, caw," it cackled.

It's been a long time since I've blogged.  Dang.

Anyway, there have been a few things I've been meaning to blog about, but I think for now, in reaction to a number of recent events, I just want to say:

Freedom of speech is not an open mouth, but open ears.

My humble offering for the day...

Today is the one-year anniversary of me leaving Tallahassee.  So much has happened in my life since then, it's hard to believe it's only been a year.  Ithaca passed so quickly, and now I'm already settled in a house in Texas.  Truly amazing.

And as the Cosmos tends to balance out, I received my Texas Driver License/ID today in the mail.  Not a bad picture--considering how quickly the guy took it, I figured I would look much like the Horny Toad that has come to live with me in my house.  Speaking of which, he's a cute little guy.  I just hope he doesn't squirt blood at me, like I've heard they are capable of.  Yuck.

PS This is just about the coolest nature video I've ever seen in my life:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM

If all buffalo acted like this, there'd be no lions.  It seems like there's a lesson in there somewhere...

Ramble ramble ramble

     So, it's been a while since I've written a blog.  And I was gonna write a blog about all that has happened to me in the past few weeks--closing on my house, loading up the truck with my cousin in Ithaca, being home on LI, driving to Texas, MOVING to Texas, being in a house by myself... I even picked out a name for the blog: Mii and my Wii.  But something else is on my mind...

     Having lived in the south before, I am familiar with what warm temperatures do to bugs.  Basically they grow to gigantic size, don a plate of armor, fly at you with dripping mandibles, and dare you to try something.  You know that old saying "They're more afraid of you than you are of them"?  Bull*&$%.

     Anyway, as a public service, I thought I'd offer a comparison of the lovely inhabitants of the south, the southern belles of the insect kingdom--roaches.  It's Florida vs. Texas, six-legged style.



Nomenclature:

Florida: Palmetto Bug (i.e. let's not scare away potential retirees by saying Florida has a GIGANTIC ROACH PROBLEM... let's just say you might see the occasional palmetto bug.  Doesn't that sound so much nicer?)
Texas: Roach.  We're simple folk down here.  We call it what it is.

Winner: Texas, by an antennae

Size:

Florida: Ranges from Friggin' Huge to "Oh my God is that a cat?"
Texas: They say everything's bigger in Texas.  These guys are beefy, but not jacked like the Florida roaches.

Winner: The Sunshine State

Color:

Florida: A smokey brown
Texas: A delightful taupe infused with cocoa

Winner: The Lone Star State

Speed:

Florida: I believe they are known as the cheetah of the bug world, able to chase down a fleeing gazelle and disgust it mightily.
Texas: Run, Forrest, Run!  They try hard, but they just can't quite keep the momentum up on hardwood floors.

Winner: Florida goes the distance

Endurance:

Florida: One time I sprayed the most gigantic roach I had ever seen with a constant stream of Raid for about 10 seconds.  It turned to me, flashed a Mentos grin, and said, "Raid, the freshmaker!"  Or maybe it was "That's Brisk, baby."  In any case, it made a sly pop culture reference and then promenaded under my washing machine for afternoon tea with the ladies.
Texas: After a good chemical dousing, they tend to last just long enough to die in an inconvenient spot.. but they do die.  Mighty considerate of them, too.

Winner: Florida outlasts Texas

Disgustingness

Florida: Yup
Texas: Yup

Winner: Too close to call

     So there you have it, folks.  Florida roaches are definitely at the top of their evolutionary ladder.  Don't mess with Texas, but don't @$! with palmetto bugs!

Rhetorical questions are a refuge for the weak-minded and insecure.  Don't you think?

One: I dislike living under a microscope.

Two: Painfully obvious is a very pregnant expression.  Painful.  Obvious.  Saturated with meaning.