was blind or deaf

or maybe mute

said something with

her hands, with her eyes

i remember fear, but

this is nothing new

at what age do you stop

being a failed artist

and fucking grow up?

with what yardstick do

you measure failure?

i was there at the birth

of my first child, and at

the birth of my second

i was there

at the abortion

wasn’t blind and i

wasn’t deaf,

but i had no words

muttered incoherently

to some vague idea of an

indifferent god, and i

remember that my fear

was for myself, but

this was nothing new

this was nowhere warm

all of those bodies on

fire, and i couldn’t

feel my fingers

anymore

small hope like sunlight on

shimmering treetops, like a sky the color

of luminous dust

take the silence you’ve been given

hold it close to your heart

the children are tired of despair, are tired

of starvation, of revolution,

and so what are you going to do?

how far are you willing to crawl in a

desert of your own creation?

if i were a liar, i would tell you

there can be no wrong answers

if i were honest, i would turn away

do you remember the

life you had before?

do you remember the ocean?

i am a believer in easy escapes,

in walking away from pain and sorrow

i take comfort

in the gentle haze of distance

i find despair

around every corner

open your eyes, for christ’s sake

stumbled over words

              into yr arms

kissed the sun

back into the sky