How To Raise A Greek Daughter...
1. Never let your daughters spend the night anywhere, except at a fellow Greek’s house.
2. Spend their whole life trying to find them a husband and disapproving of every one they find on their own.
3. Spoil them rotten, but make them feel guilty for it when they ask for something.
4. Fathers - tell them their just like their mothers when you’re mad. Mothers- tell them they have their father’s head when you’re mad.
5. Always compare them to other greek girls (preferably those they can’t stand) when trying to make them do something.
6. Complain that their clothes are too short, too tight, too low cut, too black, too cheap, or not right for church.
7. Brag to your friends about how beautiful and smart they are, but tell them to make their sons to stay away.
8. Press for them to marry a greek man, but then ward them off any Greek man you see them with. "He’s okay, but his mother is crazy." "His father cleans up goat shit." "I heard his has a big house but he locks his yiayia downstairs, do you want to marry someone like that?" "No policemen."
9. Tell them they eat too much or not enough, depending on the situation.
10. Let them run around naked as children, but make them dress like nuns as adults.
11. Complain they spend too much money shopping, and then go out and blow $1000 on a poker game or gambling.
12. Tell them they never keep their car clean enough, even if your vehicle is covered in dust, reeks of smoke, and has empty coffee cups and food crumbs covering the inside.
13. Force them to be nice to people they can’t stand, while you talk about those same people like they are dogs.
14. Have a fit when they use the word ’malaka’, but use it yourself as if it were going out of style.
15. Let their brothers get away with murder.
16. Embarass them by getting drunk at name days, Easter, festivals, etc, and then dancing the zembekeiko.
17. Assign a name to all their friends, and use them at inappropriate occasions (i.e. the mavra, the fat one, the ugly one, the dumb one, the slut, the chinese one)
18. Never let them leave the house after 10 O’clock.
19. Force them to go to church, join GOYA, dance in the festival.
20. Tell them "good greek girls don’t behave that way" as many times as possible within a lifetime.
21. Buy them gold jewelry even when you know they only wear silver.
22. Fathers - always leave your shirt unbuttoned at least 3 buttons, exposing chest hair and gold cross, when going anywhere with your daughters.
23. Expect them to know all of the Greek dances - except for the tsiftetelli.
24. Make them believe that Greek women never have sex.