I dug steph’s first outfit.

5 People costuming up in a 5x5 area.

Phillip...stay..in..your..square....we don’t have a square to spare.

What a wonderful human being.

seriously.

We made sure to hide our open alcohol containers in a clear plastic bag and trance areound the city liquored and silly.

I tracked this strange cheetah oer’ hill and valley.

Phillip’s pelt was my skirt last week. He has my skirt as his shirt. I wonder where my man stuff was previously on the skirt..maybe he wiped his face there.

Shamil-shamazel

hazenfeffer incorporated

I had to look that up...I wonder if anyone will get it. Not that I ever did.

Priscilla’s a doll.

We saw her earlier at the store. PriscillaBarbie.

naughty.

Smoking fetish area.

The spanking room sucked. It was just some old dude spanking some paid girl in the corner.

Next time we’ll bring equipment.

The guy on the bottom looks board. With a good view. Little room & board.

What’s with that chick?

We were obviously the hottest things there.

Oh, Dickole. You really are the perfect being.

Got an exam from the naughty nurse.

For about a quarter second I was thinking I was the sexiest thing there in a plaid skirt.

silliness

travelBlog Dec 26th

Christmas Eve was nice as Costa Rican nights go. The hostel I am at built a stairway and a back deck in the 3 days I've been staying here and when I came home a few people were sitting on a newly built picnic table and had tiki torches going. We went out drinking pretty hard that night.

Christmas day was like any other day but sweet as well. I went to the special secret rocky surfing beach with Masaki. He's the only sushi chef in town and is staying at my hostel with Lucy(the manager). He's a wonderful inspirational guy. Quiet, japanese, unassuming, genuinely kind, extremely caring to his girl, in amazing shape, surfs well and loves it, and makes sushi well and loves it. It's wonderful we spend time together even though he barely speaks any english. He made some hang-over rice soup thing in the morning. How awesome is that? Having a sushi chef cooking for you at your hostel for free? He kept telling everyone how amazing of a swimmer I am. That's magic to me. In case you don't know me at all....I feel sooo ashamed of my limited physical abilites so hearing compliments from someone like him made me GLOW. I wasn't thinking of it as swimming well...I was just trying to hang with him and the other surfers out in the rough ocean and I simply didn't have a surfboard. If I had one I wouldn't have been swimming so much. There were definitely some scary huge waves that smashed right on my bahoooda. I said hi to his friend Jesus.

Ran into the local weed dealer. He's quite popular. We ate dinner together at the Blue Angel.

I've said this already but...um...I think I may go to Montezuma tommorrow...I say that everyday though. I'm curious about the waterfalls. Maryland is in the plans still very soon. I may come back to atlanta first..I'm quite nervous about shipping my hard drives with everything I've ever done on them. I really have to start finding a source for money extremely soon and since I have so much debt(about 800 a month in minimum payments)...teaching english or waiting tables just can't be an option for me so I gotta get back to being the best designer on the planet. shoot....

I'm seeing metaphors in everything

I'm seeing metaphors in everything

I'm seeing metaphors in everything... and my plan to get away to the beach to think is going wonderfully. I really am seeing things more clearly. Who is my friend and who isn't my friend. Who truly loves me and who doesn't. Getting away has this strange echo effect. It's weird. I've gone weeks without seeing people and hanging out sick or whatever in my place in Atlanta. But going so far away to somewhere so different and sitting on the beach, floating in the ocean all day, or on the back deck staring at the monkeys, birds and sloths in the jungle...things echo.

things echo.

things echo.

thoughts echo.

love echos.

love echos.

love echos.

Especially the last few weeks before I left. They just keep playing back. Like I died and I'm reflecting back on how wonderful my life was and how wonderful my friends are. The single propeller plane ride in was a whole lot like dying for sure...and felt a whole lot like I was going to. Small, old, scary, scary, and the most beautiful view I've ever seen in my entire life. Thanks Sarah for that recommendation. Ever since I just keep playing back the last few weeks..I just keep playing back the nights before I left...I just keep playing back the love in Priscilla's eyes as she left me at the airport. The love in hugs from people I hadn't seen in a while because I was sick for most of the 2 months before I left. I'm feeling better now.

The love

The love

The love

bBac.

Well, I just spent 30 minutes writing...then computer seven turned off..lost what I wrote. Moved to computer 6...wrote for 20 minutes..then that froze...lost what I wrote. Then an hour and a half on computer cinco....got it all up on the screen in front of me....and ..uh..wanna guess what happened then? What the mother mother fuck? Can´t believe I lost that one.

Starting over on computer Dos.

Today my friends left and I went for a walk along a road that people are warned not to walk on....to a town that everyone said not to go to.

The road to Quepos Town goes over a steep mountain. It is 7 kilometers long..snakes around....is about one and a half cars wide..with nowhere to walk on the edges. To make it even more fun the edge drops off thousands of feet and cars and motorcycles fly around the corners. I hit a few with my water bottle and kicked one. The statement being...

RESPECT MY MOTHER FUCKING BODY!!!!!

Quepos Town is polluted and dangerous with nothing of interest.

self-verified.

Then I walked back.

Odd day.

When the sun is up...it´s been at least interesting and often fun.

I am lost beyond lost from sundown to sun up.

I am lonely beyond lonely from sundown to sun up.

I am absolutely done with this place and it´s cursed nights.

Not so sure about the 10 hour voyage standing up on a crowded unairconditioned bus, to ferry, to bus again, to Montezuma where I have no reservations. Sound like a fun christmas?

In case you haven´t guessed. I´m lonely...and doing all this stuff by myself scares the shit out me. This trip isn´t at all like what I thought it would be and I feel like I´ve burned the bridge behind me.

My emotions.......

fuck....

i can´t even write anymore.

I´m thinking about you all. I say...you all..because the people reading this are most very likely the people keeping me going. With the exception of Holly who felt the need to send me a horribly nasty hate-filled e-mail. Now? Bad timing. This trip isn´t fun. I don´t know what the fuck it is. Different?

Thanks so much for your support. This is not a trip to paradise yet. Maybe when I get to Montezuma?

Priscilla. ....    ...  ... .....    ... ... ... .  ........

................. .... ......... .......   .........  .............   ....... Priscilla.

My new friend Jes writes like a soul magician.....inspirational.

Porkchop ....  ...........   ............. . . . ....... ...... thank you. I don´t deserve what you give me.

These blog entries are embarassing...but...honest.

You should´ve seen the long ones that never made it out.

b.

So since my last blog.

The night after I wrote my last blog only got worse. I just did not plan well for the nights.

I thought they would be drastically different. First..I didn´t think the sun would go down by 6PM. Second, my room was depressing as prison. I had not been that unhappy in a while..although I didn´t cry. I was long since done with the few bars and no one talking to me.

Being so ignorant and being alone made me really scared to venture out from Manuel Antonio at night so...I sat in prison.

The next day was beautiful. I remembered why I was here as I flipped and swam in the beautiful ocean. Days have not been too much of a problem at all. It looks a whole lot like paradise.I swam from sun-up till about 3. It rained then I returned to my room. Sat there about one hour.

Then...Packed-up and got the fuck out of there.

Kinda made some bad karma checking out at 4 instead of 11 but whatever. I moved up to the hostel up the road towards Quepos¨...Backpackers..it is called...9 dollars a day. 20 for a seperate room which you can share with up to 5 close friends. Shared living room and kitchen and back deck with hammocks..much more like what I imagined a hostel would be.

That was a delight. The Australian girl running the place(Lucy) actually..technically..paid me 1 dollar to stay since she is worse with the money than me. She had only worked there a few weeks and is going to leave soon.

I met 4 local boys staying there..3 of which are gay...4 of which were absolutely wonderful..friendly..and welcoming. Went out to eat at Lucy´s boyfriends sushi place by myself whilst they napped. Then hung out in their room, drank, and smoked some weed. And then out to the gay bar we went. It was delightfully interesting and fun. We had a good time and stayed out till 3 or so. I went to bed content.

The next morning I woke up to construction (but was quite used to that). Then met back up with the Tico pack, went to breakfast then we went into the jungle (Manuel Antonio National Park) saw monkeys, and hiked to the top of the mountain. Then hung out on a few beaches, then a bar, then back to the hostel.  My emotional saviors..and I´ve told them. They leave tomorrow though. Montezuma came highly recommended (better than here..they say). So...hmm..maybe soon...I will leave...maybe I´ll boogie board tomorrow instead...we may go out again tonight. It´s a journey to get to Montezuma..several hours on a bus and several hours on a ferry..then several hours on a bus again...sounds scary to even write. I guess I need to start early.

checking mySpace is even tricky to my emotions.

I am as fragile as can be.

Maybe it´s something to do with having no weed to manage my emotions. Maybe it´s something to do with my friends not understanding my emotions. Maybe both and more. This is so far from being a vacation.

I don´t really know what the fuck this is anymore.

Getting a plane ticket to Maryland has moved up on the list of things I may do soon though. I just want someone who understands me to hold me. Only one person comes to mind and she´s not here.

It´s amazing how having just one cute girl who thinks I´m special gives me the strength to try and do anything...including this trip.

I just can´t stop thinking about not having a way to replace my money as it speeds off at the bar. I just can´t believe how fucking lost I am right now. I just can´t believe how little I have in the world.

I probably sound really depressed. maybe. I´m not gonna lie about it though. But the trip didn´t bring this on.

I think Ariannia said this..maybe someone else..probably many people but there is no phrase to describe what I´m going through better than....

How do you find what your looking for when you don´t know what you´re looking for?

man...that is true as true can be for me right now.

I´m nervous and feel like I should go hang out in Maryland at my cousins house and work on my website so I can get freelance work. Yuck. It even feels gross to write. Fear-filled I am.

Fear-filled.

I am such a little b.