I've sure missed my Myspace family!  I've been busy, busy trying to stay afloat as a full-time artist, in this difficult economic time.  But if i wait until i have time to post something it will be months before i blog.  So i decided a quickie was better than nothing ;).

First off . . . I wanted to invite you to flutter over to Twitter:
http://www.twitter.com/jaedadewalt
and join my new page there :).  So put on your prettiest set of wings, start flapping and i'll see you soon!  Follow me and i'll follow you ;)
 

Second, i will be finishing my Striped Emotions series by months end and finally get it posted!

I am currently working on Cafepress and Zazzle art products and then my website needs a major overhaul.  After that i need to get my next book finished as i am striving to get it published by September.  And then, i should finally have some time to get back into the studio and start creating new stuff!

On the creative horizon are also plans to take my art to You Tube by uploading interviews, poetry readings, multi-media creations and snippets of my quirky life.

I miss creating but i also want to make sure the rent gets paid! LOL

A reminder that i am also on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/jaedadewalt
and i would love to see you there too!

I now have art-tshirts available, including organic!  As well as some other new eco-friendly and organic art products.  They can be acquired through Cafepress or Zazzle:

http://www.cafepress.com/jaedas_artscape
http://www.zazzle.com/jaeda_dewalt_art





Wish i had new art to share but this is it for now.
Wishing my Myspace family a wondrous and blessed week!

LOVE and LIGHT
XOXO
j a e d a :)

The Red Stripe - Self Portrait - © Jaeda DeWalt





The Sadness - Self Portrait - Striped Emotions Series - © Jaeda DeWalt





I wanted to preview the first image in my Striped Emotions series. I am still working on the other images in this series. I like challenging myself in new ways, with my self-portraits. And i thought it would be interesting to see if i could make it look like i was interacting with myself . . . in some way.

I shot this series against a green screen.  The background was taken from a photo-shoot i did at an industrial site in Seattle. The watchman was kind of enough to let me onto the grounds and gave me a tour and all access pass with my camera.

With this image i was striving to convey the extreme sadness i feel with manic depression. Over the years i have discovered that sadness is often anger, spread really thin, masquerading as melancholy. Anger is an emotion i have a very difficult
time allowing myself to feel and express, i often repress it. As a child i was not allowed to express my feelings or my anger. There is a detachment that comes with sadness, a disconnect from the self, from the world . . .

BUT i am in a good place at the present moment and i am getting better at managing the emotional tidal waves that manic depression brings . . . my DBT workbook has offered me some valuable coping skills, tools and techniques.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am happy to finally be back in the studio, doing what i love best . . . creating new work and sharing it with everyone :).

I had to take a long leave of absence from the studio to work on the business side of my art.  I finally got enough done to allow me some studio time.  I will finish my "striped emotions" series out and then my "red zone" series, both of which, i photographed this past weekend and then i will be giving my website a much needed overhaul.

Exciting new things are on the horizon!
In the next month i will be adding videos of myself to include; surreal poetry recitations, cute little jaeda-mercials for my art products and diary style videos where i simply share my thoughts and feelings on various things.  I will also be including interviews.

I will also be adding apparel to my Cafepress shop over the next few months, that feature my artography. And my next artography book is set to be released in approximately 3 months. 

Thank you to everyone that has commented on my art over the years, supported it, and offered an encouraging word . . . you make my heart smile wide!

PEACE, LOVE and INFINITE BLESSINGS :)
j a e d a

For my b-day, Adair came to visit me and we spent the day photographing our beautiful Emerald City.  I have no pictures of the Seattle Skyline because none of my pictures turned out!  But Adair got some good ones so check out her photo albums to see those :)  Here comes the first part of our day . . .


Before we leave, Adair cuts my hair.  Here she is pictured putting the finishing touches on my haircut.  Say goodbye to my long tresses, it's time for a dramatic change!  I will be doing a pin-up series soon and this hairstyle will allow me to style my hair into hairstyles of the 1920's, 30's and 40's.  Then i'll grow it back out :).


We are off and running, onto our first destination . . . Lincoln Park.


Adair snaps a picture of me framing a nature shot.  I am holding a camera, I really, really am! It's just so tiny that you can't see it.  I think passersby thought i had an imaginary camera and a really vivid imagination!  LOL  However, it is not what you have, it is what you do with it ;).  And Ms. Jaeda can pimp a good picture!



Adair takes a picture of me pointing at something way out yonder.  It's an epic moment ;).


Down the steps i go . . . weeeeee-eeeeeeee-ee-ee-e


Adair suggested we pose for a picture with nature as our beautiful backdrop.  She set this shot up and made good use of her self-timer. 


I finally snuck a picture of Adair doing her nature picture-taking magic :).
She has an awesome camera and is quite the photographer!


Meanwhile, i stand at the end of the path, at the edge of my perception . . .
contemplating my existence, as fate lay at my feet.  I, asking myself, the big questions ;).


I am used to working in a studio or photographing the city, buildings, industrial sites for photo-construct purposes.  It was a challenge for me to photograph nature.  Nature is natural but ME in nature is very UN-natural! LOL  Here is one of my better shots of the day.  Mostly i took pictures of textures and anything i could use to construct surreal backgrounds for future photo projects.  Check out Adair's photo albums for some really beautiful nature pictures.  She has lots of good ones!


Another half-way decent shot :).


Another picture of Adair in her element.


I love this picture, i look so happy.  Adair took this while i was scanning my environment for good photo-ops.


The sun kept toying with us that day.  It came out for a brief moment . . . as I spotted this adorable dog happily fetching, sticks in the water, for his Papa.


I was happy it was an overcast day, as it gave more depth and dimension to these pictures of the Faunterloy Ferry dock.  I love the way the clouds scattered across the sky, that day.


We were at Faunterloy so of course i had to take a picture of the Ferry!


Welcome to my nostrils . . .
This picture of me is so awful! LOL But it was so cute of Adair, i had to post it.
I am hungry so we return to the car and went to grab a quick bite.  I get so mean when i go more than 3 hours without eating.  Once my blood-sugar drops, watch out . . . i turn into the Jaedaminator!  I started growling and Adair started driving!


You know what they say . . . Good, Good, Fresh, Fresh!
They were nice and let me customize my Veggie wrap which was really good.


Adair, focuses on her camera and i hang out in my own little universe ;)


We must have taken about 75 pictures of us at lunch.  2 cameras
snapping away all through our meal.  We attracted some strange stares but we didn't care, it was fun!


Adair and i glance into the future via the Admiral Way look-out telescope.  Bet  you didn't know it could do that . . . and all for only 50 cents!


I caught a glimpse of the ominous sky with my camera. It was stunning!


Adair trying to get away from the prying eyes of my camera.  LOL


Adair and i become tree monkeys! 




Poor Adair set up all the shots and had to set the self-timer and then run like hell to the tree and climb it at warp speed.  LOL  She missed a few times and it was pretty funny.


*giggle*


Well, i am like the absent-minded professor (minus the linear mind) and am forever leaving things behind.  That day, i left my hat at the park.  We had to drive back and get it.


Retreiving my hat.


Back on the road, we head back to reality after a day of fun.  Another horrid picture of me, but again, i posted it because Adair is making faces at the camera and i love this picture of her.



Adair gets a gazillion BFF points for getting me a VEGAN cupcake WITH icing and sprinkles.  It was so yummy.  Adair isn't into cake but she wanted to make sure i got my b-day cupcake because i LOVE cake!

Read my interview, learn more about my creative process & fun artist factoids ;)

Artist Feature: http://artists.art.officel..ive.com/JaedaDeWalt.aspx
V-day Article: http://artists.art.officel..ive.com/ArtistJaedaDeWaltP..artDeux.aspx
Book Feature: http://greatbooks.books.of..ficelive.com/JAEDAshadesof..thesoul.aspx

Articles crafted by Dawn Bonner - Editor in Chief - Living Life . . . Boomer Style Magazine:
http://www.myspace.com/dawnbonner

LOVE and LIGHT
j a e d a :)



P.S. I'm on Facebook - Join Me :) - My Personal Page:
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jaeda_DeWalt/1453007731

My Facebook Art Page:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jaeda-DeWalt/45791838945

01.    I’m kind of like the bionic woman . . . all of my senses are heightened and turbo-charged.  It’s hard for me to be in public environments because the noises, scents and energy are so loud to me - I can become quickly overwhelmed. I startle very easily. I also have night-blindness which makes my eyes extremely sensitive to light. I’ve tried to describe what it’s like to others and I guess it’s kind of like wearing a hearing aid when you don’t need one or experiencing life through a really bad-ass amplifier!  LOL  I’m always in, “high alert” mode.  One day, I finally sought a diagnosis and learned that the name for this phenomena is PTSD.  I like quiet, the sound of silence, is beautiful to me.

02.    I battle physical and mental demons everyday. I have Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease and am BiPolar/PTSD/ADHD.  It is my passion for creating art that gets me up and over those hurdles.

03.    I don't drink or smoke and i am a vegan :).

04.    I am never bored, there are too many things I want to experience, explore, learn and accomplish.  My mind and imagination are moving at warp speed 24/7. I am purpose and passion orientated, purpose + passion = BLISS :).  I am reluctant about spending time with others to just “hang out” or socialize . . . but give it a purpose and/or meaning and I’m there. I have a rich interior life and am internally motivated. Time is my love language, i value MY time ;)  If i were to paint a visual of that . . . it would be of me clutching a giant clock,  growling and snipping at anyone that dare try and steal a single solitary second away from me! LOL 

05.    I suffered a severe head concussion (with several more to follow) when I was two that won me a trip to the hospital.  My mother always brings that up as the reason that I am “weird and messed up” whereas my dad explains it away as it just being my “artistic temperament”. I do think the head injuries, or brain injuries rather, could be what caused my ADHD.

06.    ADHD was my enemy in school but it is my ally in art :).  I can hyper-focus on things that interest me and my eye for detail is crazy good!  I do struggle to learn new things but i am very innovative with what I do learn. But force me into something that fails to interest me and my attention will dart all over the place.  In person, my hyperactive-ness  is often mistaken for high-energy or enthusiasm.    When a topic of conversation interests me, i tend to dominate it and often interrupt . . .  I kind of have a pressured-speech thing going so it takes a really strong personality to override that and get a word in edgewise!!  And I talk really, really fast. And if it isn’t painfully obvious here . . . I also speak fluent Tangentese.

07.    I am not materialistic.  I don’t have much, but everything I have, I own. I am debt free and in today’s, “have now, pay later” society - that is saying a lot!  It’s not always easy, but I live within my means.  The words "comfortable and lavish" would NOT describe my lifestyle!  LOL What people have is of little importance to me, what they ARE is much more important to me.

08.    When I was in high school, I had this not-so-brilliant idea to sneak my boyfriend Alan, into my bedroom.  I was having a total love affair with Alan's MIND.  He was far from attractive or romantically charming but he was so intellectually brilliant, a bit odd and very eccentric. I eventually realized his beautiful mind couldn’t make up for a lack of chemistry or compatibility.  But I digress . . . The reason for sneaking him into my bedroom, was not for the reasons you may think ;).  He was going to bring over Pink Floyds, The Wall.  Which I had not seen yet and I was totally jazzed about it.  So I put my pathetic plan into action: I stayed up very late,  dressed all in black, snuck down to the local park on foot and met him there.  We walked up to my house and snuck in the back door that lead directly into my bedroom.  A few seconds later my Dad popped out from behind my bed and yelled, “Surprise!”.  Oh I was mortified! LOL But . . . in all the excitement, Alan dropped his video and left it behind, so I did get to watch “The Wall” afterall.  

09.    I  ran away from home as a teenager, living on Vashon Island, running away meant taking the ferry and going “overtown”.  People knew something was up pretty quickly because I didn’t show up for my shift at the local pharmacy (I worked for a couple of years as a Pharmacy Technician, pharmacology is fascinating.). I lived in my car for several days, I was having a complete mental meltdown.  I kept parking at various church parking lots around the city. But it's kind of hard to "hide" when you drive a 1978, white,  4-door, Ford Torino. And Unbeknownst to me, my father rented a helicopter and was searching the area for me.  And my BFF, Adair, went looking for me too.  She actually found me and our eyes met across the parking lot. I started up my car and bolted.  I felt so guilty about that, but I didn’t want to be found.  So finally the police were sent out to fetch me and make me come home.  It was all very dramatic. 

10.    In grade school, i had a strange and fascinating classmate named Greg.   He was thin, with pasty-pale skin.  He used to rev himself up the way one would try and start a push mower.  He'd pull an imaginary starter lever and would mimic a lawnmower starting up perfectly.  Once, "revved up" he'd keep that motor sound going and chase a few of the girls around, at recess.  He didn't run normal, he had this way of leaning to one side - it was unique.  He had a few girls singled out, i was one of them.  He had a thing for chasing me down, then kind of circling me, before  pinching me in the ribs.  He was a kick.  I wonder whatever happened to that boy . . .

11.    I grew up in a hyper-religious, very strict, Mormon household.  My Dad came from a mother, of whom, was Jewish and a father, of whom, was Christian.  My mother was raised Catholic but decided to convert to Mormonism when i was 4 years old.  When i was a senior in high school, my parents divorced and it was at that time my father asked to be ex-communicated from the Mormon church and said he was, "tired of faking it" and admitted he was agnostic.  My mother stayed in the church, i left and slowly started to navigate my own spiritual path.

I don't regret my Mormon upbringing.  It taught me discipline and gave me structure.  We had Family Home Evenings every Monday.  Church on Wednesday evenings and 3 hours of church on Sunday.  And then i had to go to seminary for an hour, before school - during my high school years. There was a whole lot of church going on back then!

12.     I am a private person and go to great lengths to preserve my little self-created universe. Few people know where i live, for a reason. I am chameleon-like with excellent interpersonal skills.  So when  people first meet me, they often mistake me for being social and/or extroverted. I am neither. I can quickly assess people and how best to connect to them.  And they often mistake this for feeling a connection to me, when all i am doing is reflecting back, whatever they project onto me. When i first meet people, i kind of pretend i am a talk-show host and they are the guest i am interviewing.  I am good at listening to others in a way that makes them feel understood, valued and validated.   When someone can tune into my frequency and reach back - that is gold.  I expose myself so much through my art (literally LOL), i have to have some part of me that is off limits.  So in, "real life" i only have a few close friends.  I desire to invest my time with people (in person) that i can co-create a spiritual, emotional and creative connection with . . .

13.    The boutique I was working for at my last, “real job” (as an administrative assistant and visual merchandiser) went bankrupt and I was unemployed.  The fact that they used to pay me cash out of the til and couldn't always pay me full-wages, was kind of a tip off, of things to come. I decided it was now or never and went full-time with my creative pursuits.  I started modeling for other photographers and studied their techniques. The money kept a roof over my head until my art started earning some income.  I started from nothing, no business loan or investors or anything like that.  I made myself a small home studio and office and was determined to make it work.  I adopted a “fake it until you make it” mentality and I’m still here, doing what I love full-time!

14.    I love dance.  Over the years i have taken ballroom, jazz, modern and belly-dancing  lessons.  My favorite . . . belly-dancing.  There is nothing cuter or sexier than a figure 8, hip-bump and shimmy. 

15.     I am hyper-analytical and rather methodical in my approach to life . . . YET I understand things by absorption rather than logic and have a keen intuition.  To say that I am non-linear would be an understatement!  I have an ephemeral, dreamy and impractical nature. And while these attributes serve me creatively . . . they make it challenging for me to handle life out in the “real world”.

16.    I graduated from the cheesy National School of Broadcasting, class 6700.  I don't know what good my certificate of completion would do me now, they went bankrupt, shortly after I graduated.  But it was a lot of fun!  I acquired an internship running the boards, overnight, at a local easy-listening radio station, i learned a lot and our student station had the, “hottest rock around the block”!  I was nick-named  “the fox of the airwaves”.  I was the only girl in the class as the other two girls dropped out, so male attention was in rich supply ;).  I didn’t pursue a career in radio because I couldn’t stand being confined to that little box and told what to say and play.  However, I loved doing voice-overs and hope to do some more of that in the future.

17.    I respond to the world through emotion, rather than physical action, practicality, or intellect.  I am  sensitive and compassionate toward the feelings of others.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and absorb other people’s feelings, pain and problems.  I have an amazing ability to reach out to others and intuitively know what they need.  I have had my compassionate nature taken advantage of more than a time or two, but I refuse to build walls around myself and have learned to be resilient.

18.    The one word people have used to describe me, from the time I was in kindergarten, is “sweet” :).  In person i am giddy, impish, quirky, dynamic and dare i say . . .  adorable.  I get excited about everything from going to grab a latte, to grocery shopping to seeing a local art exhibit.  I have a vibrant enthusiasm for life.

19.    In high school my sister set me up with a Mormon guy that was a member of a neighboring church "overtown".  A handsome, athletic, muscle-bound, steroid pumping  (of his own admission) kind of guy. What she failed to tell me, is . . . that he was fresh out of Juve for manslaughter. Aaron wrote me the most beautiful poetry, despite still being completely obsessed with his ex-girlfriend - I'll give him that. He used to chant this creepy psycho-babble to me (in that subtly unsettling kind of way, that only stalker-licious people can) about how he wouldn't be able to continue on if i left him.  Our last date ended with him looking for me in Vashon Island's Park-N-Ride as i hid, freaked out in the shadows, hearing him call for me "Jaeda, Ja-a-a-a-e-e-e-d-d-dah, where are you?".  And after i finally had the courage to end it with Aaron, he showed up with his crew  of guy friends at my place of work - acting all bad ass, demanding the return of his jacket.

20.    I am a fraternal twin.  My sister and I look nothing alike and are as different as night and day.  My mother says we had our own little language when we were wee little tikes. I think it’s neat that I had a wombmate and didn’t come into this world alone.

21.    I used to work in the kitchen of a nursing home, while in high school. The pay was great but  I didn’t last there very long.  It broke my heart to walk into work each day . . . it was like the damned of the living dead.  I used to have this elderly woman, named Polly, come to the kitchen, always dressed in her purple sweatsuit.  She had this, hunched over, creepy way of shuffling across the linoleum floors with her house slippers, it made a distinct sound.  And in her impish, child-like voice, she would crane her neck up at me and ask me the same question, “Can I please have a Popsicle?”  She was sweet and harmless but we weren’t allowed to give her Popsicles because of the salt content, so rather than keep telling her no . . . I would just dive behind the counter when I heard her shuffling down the hall toward me. I felt so guilty about that.  Props to everyone that works in the health-care industry. It takes both  compassion AND a strong spirit, to do that kind of work and service.

22.     I was a huge flirt in grade school. Every school year i developed a new crush and would pick out the boy i was going to marry someday. I was very physical and hyperactive playing basketball with the boys at recess or chasing them down and throwing them up against the wire that fenced in our playground. And the boys would frequently chase me all over the football field at recess because I was such a fast little sprinter and they couldn't catch me unless I let them. I didn't feel I was all that cute back then but I was a lot of fun to talk to and the boys enjoyed my flirtatious, spunky and hyperactive nature. My sister used to sit on the bench at recess, pointing at me and saying, "There goes my sister!" as I raced passed her with a herd of boys chasing after me, trailing behind in my dusty wake. She got such a kick out of that!

Then there was the cross-country track team thing. My 5th grade teacher and track coach, Mr. Sundin, recruited me for the team, after seeing me out-run the boys at recess. My sister joined the cross-country team too. My fraternal twin sister and i had matching black sweatsuits for P.E. We were nicknamed "the black shadows" for the way we raced across the track field in our black sweatsuits. My sisters popular friends always cheered her on and not me, ticked me off, so out of spite i would push myself to run even faster so i could place ahead of her in competition. She always came in right behind me though . . . My running career ended when i hit puberty, that slowed me way down and i didn't want to knock myself out or give myself black eyes or anything like that ;).

23.     I love animals.  They have so much love to share and they live honestly. What counts with them is what you are, not your status or station in life.  These qualities make them a joy to be around.  I only have one pet, a cat, she's all black, including her nose, whiskers and paws.  She has some Siamese in her so she is very expressive and talkative.  I love her heart-shaped face and pointy ears.  She knows she's pretty and has a lot of attitude.  But she is very lovie when she wants to be and has, softened some, over the years.  She makes me laugh, everyday, with her quirky behaviors. She is my first and only whiskered child.  She is 12 years old and i hope i get to have many more years with her.  I adore her.  I wish i lived on a couple acres of land with a pond with a cozy little house and studio.  Then i could adopt more, furry little creatures, to love.

24.    I am not a skilled driver and gladly sold my car many years ago and don’t miss it a bit!  My worst accident was while driving to Bellevue to work on a rainy morning, during rush-hour.  I accelerated to try and make my upcoming exit because no one would let me over.  I skidded and swerved in the rain, took the light pole up and out of the ground with the impact of my car as I crashed into it. The light pole, then fell over, onto a passing van.  Thankfully, no one but me, was seriously injured.  It took me months to recover and i kind of permanently messed up my back.  Unfortunately, I have had lots of car accidents over the years, sadly . . .most of them were my fault.

25.    My dad owned a 27-foot Bayliner.  When my sister and i were children, my Dad would take us out on the boat, as a family - to the San Juan Islands for two weeks.  I loved being out on the water and boating was an adventure!  But the rocking and horrible way the boat took the waves made me sick.  My Dad got rid of the boat and had the family take sail-boating lessons - a requirement to rent the sailboats.  From then on, my Dad was in love with sailing.  We worked together as a family to sail the boat to the San Juan Islands.  Sailing was much smoother, keels are great!  But my Dad still needed his space . . .so when we'd get close enough to shore my Dad would toss us  (my sister and i) in the dingy, on a rope and send us off to shore by ourselves.  I loved sleeping in the bow of the sailboat, the unique sound of the harbor and buoys.  It was surreal, to drift to sleep, with the sound of the waves, lapping up against my dreams. And i loved the salty, seaweed-ish scent of the air, it grew on me after awhile.

26.    As a young child, I lived for several years in Phoenix, Arizona.  My dad used to have this red Spitfire and would take us joy-riding around the neighborhood.  I remember having wonderful friends there and we had a beautiful home.  I was crushed when we moved to Seattle. My dad got rid of his red Spitfire and opted for a green Dodge Dart.  I missed my friends and the warm climate.  I used to have dreams I was flying back to my old neighborhood in Phoenix and would be so happy, until I woke-up. BUT eventually, I acclimated to Seattle and love the rainy days and overcast skies.

27.    In grade school i looked pretty "normal" and was very sweet but definitely marched to the unique beat of my own drum!  My 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Matthews, commented on my report card about my "unique interest in science".  You see, at that time i thought i was going to be a doctor and i was teaching myself everything i would need to know.  I was goal-orientated! While other kids were reading popular fiction, i was checking out books on the brain and the heart.  Books that had these disgusting pictures on the cover and my classmates would point at my books and say things like, "E-E-E-WWWGH GROSS!!"  lol During our library time, i would pester Mrs. Matthews, every few minutes, with medical tidbits of information - i had just acquired, "Mrs. Matthews did you know that your brain uses approximately 20% of the total oxygen pumping around your body!" And she would always reply patiently with something like, "Thank you for sharing that with me Jaeda, that's very interesting to know".  Eventually, I  realized i was too squeamish, absent-minded and non-linear to be a doctor.

28.    I'm an army brat, born in Fort-Gordon, Georgia.  My dad was in the air-force and used the money to pay for his education.  He loved aviation and software engineering.  He got his piloting license and taught flying lessons for a time.  Eventually he got his masters in software engineering and found a way to combine both of his passions.  He now has his own company certifying the software on airplanes and lecturing around the world, teaching others how to do what he does.  My dad is a brilliant, driven man.

29.    I changed my name (it used to be Jana). I learned from a young age that my father had wished to name me Jaeda.  As one of his army buddies had just had a beautiful little baby girl he named Jaeda.  My mother disapproved of the name Jaeda, feeling it was too exotic and weird.  They compromised on the name Jana.  BUT, after hearing that story, i always felt like a Jaeda on the inside, i loved that name!  So when i was 25, i decided to legally change my name.  The name change was symbolic for me, representing a new lease on life. It was a way to start anew :).

30.    I took piano lessons from about age 8 to 16.  HATED my lessons and reading music but LOVED playing the piano by ear.  The metronome was my nemesis! I used to spend all my practice time learning my favorite songs off of the radio by ear and then rearranging them to my liking.  My favorite things to play were ragtime and blues.  Not a performer, I hated recitals and realized piano playing would become more of a personal and private thing for me.  Maybe I will find a way to incorporate it into my art.

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About this post:
I originally wrote this after being tagged to do so on Facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jaeda_DeWalt/1453007731 
I took it as an opportunity to unravel and reveal more facets/aspects of myself :).

*enjoythejourneyinsidemyuniverse*
PEACE and LOVE
j a e d a

My new book, J A E D A shades of the soul is complete! HURRAY!
It is available in 3 different formats:


The book is standard portrait size, 40 pages and is printed on premium paper with 22, 8×10 full bleed images and 11 poems.

Detailed book information can be viewed here:
http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/625673

You can virtually preview the first 15 pages of the book here:
 http://www.blurb.com/books/625673

Please visit:
www.jaedasfineart.com/signed-copy-of-jaedas-book.htm
 to learn how to acquire an autographed/signed copy of my book.





























Detailed book information can be viewed here

You can virtually preview the first 15 pages of the book here

Thank you to everyone who encouraged and supported me with this book project.

I hope this book inspires and delights, makes you feel, connect and is able to transport you to soulful spaces. This was a labor of love and i worked very hard to make this book be the best reading experience it could possibly be!

PEACE, LOVE and LIGHT
j a e d a :)

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Blog Archives - Newest to Oldest

driving along the landscape of a nightmare

dark spaces, desperate places - imagery/poetry

soul gazing - elegant ecstasy - sacred love REvisited *pics/poetry*

bi-polarities and manic reflections . . . *new pics*

*the hours* new pics/series/poetry

love-evolution-revolution . . . *novella-length warning*

dreaming of dirty windows and broken elevators

whats in your tank? - a love-fueled existence - God?

imagination + sugar kisses AND sugared skin *new pics*

the gift of undistracted time - the dream kisses

the masquerading selves - creative gratitude

the melodies - surreal showers - life as luscious

jaeda as marionette - belted bodies - my life as a sink

desperately seeking sally - the dashboard confessionals

THE BLACKNESS . . .

I decided to create this image and share it because i know there are others out there struggling with bi-polarity, mental illness . . . depression.

How this image was created:
This photo construct was created using 3 self-portraits i shot in my studio. The background i photographed while visiting an industrial site that sits overlooking beautiful Alki in Seattle. My friend works at the site and he took me inside the building, we rode the service elevator, it was kind of old and worn looking but i liked the way the light bounced and reflected off of the stainless steel walls, so i snapped a couple shots of the elevator and the idea for the "The Blackness" was conceived.

What this image represents for me personally:
If you look at the 3 images of me in this image you will notice that:
The center version of me has my hands bound/restrained, representing the struggle to keep myself well and alive when i spiral into a sea of suicidal darkness.  The restraints also represent mental restraints and strongholds. In the center version of me you can also see my arm muscles straining to break free of the restraints.

The two versions of me holding the dagger represent the self-destructive tendencies i have when i spiral downward. They represent that side of me that is a danger to myself. And the dark eye-make-up is meant to emphasize just being in depressive state, death, doom - as do the black clothes. And the glamor aspects represent my need to present a pretty little version of myself to the outside world.  It represents my resistance to show the chaotic darkness that hides beneath a beautifully presented exterior.  In real life I always put pressure on myself to look and act like everything is just fine.

Why i created this image:
I wanted an image that could express the dark side of my bi-polar illness. First comes the depression, the fatigue, lack of motivation, feelings of hopelessness and being overwhelmed. At this stage, all i really want to do is sleep my life away and be left alone. Eventually, the depressive feelings progress into the darker feelings i wrestle with when i spiral down and sink into a suicidal sea of darkness.

Angst takes over and that sea of darkness often leads to suicidal ideation wherein i become completely irrational, my thoughts distorted and everything seems overwhelming and hopeless.  My entire being becomes consumed with angst to the point that it makes me physically ill.  I don't know how to describe it, other than to say it is a physical, emotional and psychological hell.  It is the loneliest place in the world to be.  And it is at this time,  i will often obsess over ways to end it, how i will do it, where my cat will go, what things need to be put into my will, how others will be notified of my death and on and on and on like that.

And i will often rationalize that my death will be a relief to those i love, i will no longer be a burden, they will no longer worry if i am okay, they will no longer have to put up with my mood swings or instability.  I rationalize that it will be easier for them to cope with my death than to cope with my existence. When i get like that, death seems the only plausible solution.

When i come out of the a suicidal state, i become rational again and all that stuff goes out the window and i go back to being solution orientated.  And then i am grateful i didn't act on my distorted thoughts and irrational feelings.

I have been slowly evolving with my coping methods.  My inclination, when i spiral downward, is to shut out the outside world, cut all ties and isolate.  I have to go against those feelings.  So when i spiral down, i reach for the phone and call my best friend.  Doing that makes me accountable to someone.  Then if she doesn't here from me, she knows to push, to keep calling, visit me if necessary.  She becomes my voice of reason and keeps me connected enough to maintain myself through the darkness.  The other thing i do is remind myself, this will pass, it always does, i have to be strong and wait it out, cry it out and just get through it one minute at a time.  Minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days, days turn to weeks and eventually i come out of it okay.  I have also learned making myself accomplish and complete little things will also help keep me going.

One day i remember expecting a delivery and dreading it.  I cried all the way up until the delivery guy showed up.  As soon as the doorbell rang I dried  my tears, offered him a smile and a polite thank you, a little small talk.  I kept it together until he left and then went back to my bedroom and let the tears flow all over again.  But having him show up was good, it gave me a brief reality check, a sense of normalcy.

Another thing i try to do is make myself go out with a friend, even though it's the last thing i want to do.  It's important for me to stay connected, it does help.  It's not that it lifts my spirits or makes me feel okay but it gives me enough reality to help keep my thoughts from becoming too distorted.

Thank you to everyone who has helped to maintain through the blackness so I could be there to embrace the light that is always patiently waiting for me at the end of the darkness.

PEACE and LIGHT
j a e d a
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QUOTES

"Whenever someone sorrows, I do not say, "forget it," or "it will pass," or "it could be worse" -- all of which deny the integrity of the painful experience. But I say, to the contrary, "It is worse than you may allow yourself to think. Delve into the depth. Stay with the feeling. Think of it as a precious source of knowledge and guidance. Then and only then will you be ready to face it and be transformed in the process."
--Peter Koestenbaum

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know that just to be alive is a grand thing."
--Agatha Christie

"In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."
-- Albert Camus

"Depression is to me as daffodils were to Wordsworth"
-- Philip Larkin

"It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." 
-- Helen Keller

"Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain."
-- Kahlil Gibran

"All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me . . . You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."
--Walt Disney

"One ceases to recognize the significance of mountain peaks if they are not viewed occasionally from the deepest valleys."
--- Dr. Al Lorin

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Blog Archives - Newest to Oldest

driving along the landscape of a nightmare

dark spaces, desperate places - imagery/poetry

soul gazing - elegant ecstasy - sacred love REvisited *pics/poetry*

bi-polarities and manic reflections . . . *new pics*

*the hours* new pics/series/poetry

love-evolution-revolution . . . *novella-length warning*

dreaming of dirty windows and broken elevators

whats in your tank? - a love-fueled existence - God?

imagination + sugar kisses AND sugared skin *new pics*

the gift of undistracted time - the dream kisses

the masquerading selves - creative gratitude

the melodies - surreal showers - life as luscious

jaeda as marionette - belted bodies - my life as a sink

desperately seeking sally - the dashboard confessionals

embarrassing moment - the transparent dream - haunting hands

THE OTHER JAEDA . . .

SIDENOTE:  I started this myspace account to promote my art for sale via my Cafepress stores, hence the id "cafepress_jaeda".  But my, myspace account grew and evolved into something way beyond that. Then i regretted not getting the account in my first and last name.  So i see my current situation as a blessing in disguise.

I have been having problems with many of the features on this myspace account.  For months i have been trying to get things fixed with no success.  So i have created a back-up account in my first and last name.  So if i have to, i can switch over to it, in the future.  It is a duplicate of this account and all features are working properly with my new account.  I will slowly be adding everyone here, onto that account.  Alternatively you can send me a friend request and speed up the process a little bit.  My new account:
www.myspace.com/jaeda_dewalt

BTW This account isn't going anywhere, i will keep it :).

You can also view the following images in my new recent works album!

JAEDA as THE BRIDES - PICS & POETRY & THE SPOKEN WORD


THE BRIDE OF INNOCENCE

Pretty in Pink
She softly mourns for the bride she never got to be
No pristine, white gown for this lovely lady
She will never be the Bride of INNOCENCE

She does not seek what she can not be given . . .
For innocence is the one gift,
That once stolen,
Can never be replaced yet the loss is forgiven

© Jaeda DeWalt

listen to Jaeda recite The Bride of Innocence

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The Bride of Pain

The Bride of PAIN is stuck inside
A blurry nightmare
As her subconscious rewinds her past
And plays it for her – over and over again . . .

It is the kind of nightmare where
Violated flesh bleeds red
And the sound of innocence being stolen gets lost
Inside a hazy maze of surreal blue hues

She falls to her knees in agony
She wants to find her way out of this repetitive dream
She knows to save herself
She must change the ending . . .

© Jaeda DeWalt

listen to Jaeda recite The Bride of Pain

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view the uncensored version here

The Bride of Change

The Bride of CHANGE
Peers through the isolating veil of pain and abuse – she is vulnerable
Her weakness is her strength because she OVERCOMES

For she will no longer succumb to a tainted existence
Nor the toxic relationships, that leave dark stains on her soul
She knows . . .these ghosts of perversion and possession must go

And the red of pain mixes with pink whispers of hope
She summoning the strength
To reach out, start anew and become WHOLE

© Jaeda DeWalt

listen to Jaeda recite The Bride of Change

CLOSE-UPS

RED . . .

I love accenting images with Red because red is the color of pain, the color of love, of stolen innocence, it is the color that flows during birth when a woman brings life into this world, it is often the color that flows out of us as we leave this earth.  Today i am sharing part one of,  "Jaeda as The Brides". The backgrounds you see are from the balcony pics i took during the daytime.

What the loss of innocence isn't . . .

My fellow creative Marny offered me some words that were powerful and rang true:

I refuse to believe that you don't hold a piece of that innocence still…somewhere in all that torture you were strong enough to keep some of that innocence safe and just for you.

AND I will tell you why I think that.

YOU STILL see beauty all around you,
You bleed beauty and innocence out of all your work,
You touch the beauty in the torture and the pain and it grows roses…and color….and ART. If you had no innocence, you would not see the world and other peoples art with such wonder.

I SEE INNOCENCE IN YOU.
YOUR HEART IS PURE AND BEAUTIFUL. YOUR ART IS BEAUTIFUL.
THE WORDS YOU LEAVE TO INSPIRE OTHERS
(ON YOUR OWN WORK…..AND THEIRS)

IS BEAUTIFUL

There is a mourning for the innocence i never got to have or experience as a child.
That is part of what makes incest and sexual abuse so painful. HOWEVER . . .
Marny brought to the light of my consciousness, something i failed to realize and address in my work . . .

That my sweetness, my love, did not die when i was abused. It is still at my core and at my essence. My love of sweet joys remain, my softness, light, grace and hope.

And these are aspects i will seek to express in my future survivor-orientated work.

And i thank you Marny so much for bringing that to the surface of my consciousness.

The Bride of Innocence

The Bride of Innocence (Jaeda as The Brides) was conceived toward the end of May.  That's when maintenance put up scaffolding and started tearing down the supports on my 3rd story balcony and tarped it off.

The maintenance guys worked a few days on my balcony, tearing stuff down, said something about needing to get permits - due to structural damage . . . and they haven't been back since.  So i can't see out because it's tarped off and it's been like that for almost 3 months now.  GR-R-RRRRR!

I thought to myself .  . . why aren't the tenants speaking up about being tarped off for the summer?  I did a walk around the outside of the complex and realized only six units were in need of repair and lucky me, i was one of them. ;)

Bit i digress . . . so i decided i would get some pictures, now that my balcony is double long (they tore down the wall that seperates my neighbor and me).  Everything was bathed in a surreal blue light, from the tarp.  The scaffolding was also double long and it looked like an endless hallway leading to the land of dreams, to heaven, anything your imagination can conjure up.  The balcony itself looked very sad, broken and i kind of liked it's decayed appeal and thought, at least i could use this to my advantage, creatively!

So i went out on my balcony, during the day and night, and took lots of pictures.  At night the tarped scaffolding resembled a boat marina or harbor at night.  It looked so very different from, the hallway to heaven, of daylight.

Previous to the balcony pictures, i had taken some studio picks of me in a makeshift bridal gown. I borrowed the bridal veil from my sister.  Ripped the satin bottom off of an old nightgown for the top and used a sheer window treatment panel for the gown part/bottom because i don't sew!  LOL

The bridal pictures i took of myself in the studio are what popped into my head as i was photographing the balcony and "Jaeda as the Brides" was conceived.

It is a slightly sad, disturbing series . . . but i haven't created any new work in awhile and i wanted the next series i created to be along the lines of my Red Jane series.  I felt like digging deep into all the little nooks and crannies of my soul and Spirit. All of those dark, repressed places that cry out to be acknowledged and expressed.

The Disappearance of Jaeda DeWalt . . .

Yep, if it is one thing i am good at . . . it is disappearing, avoiding, dodging, side-stepping, oh i know the dance well!  I'm the kind of person that feels like, they're right there beside you, completely plugged in and connected and then before you know it, i sinuously slip through your fingers, i vaporize, you turn around and it's like "What happened to Jaeda?  She was here just a minute ago . . ."  And the ringer on my phone is turned off, the door goes unanswered and emails are avoided. Striking a balance, that is the key i need to reach for . . .i know i need to keep myself connected, i struggle with that!

When i get out of balance, i want to go within, connecting to that still, small voice inside of me . . . but i also realize i OVER-internalize.  M O D E R A T I O N is key. But have you ever, in the course of a day, had those moments where you felt the need to just take yourself aside and have a sitdown with yourself?  A talk?  Or am i the only one here?  LOL

SO . . . plan A was to hide out, remain in my safe little coccoon until i had a solid foundation built on all fronts (spiritual, physical, financial, career, etc.)  But Adair helped me realize, the disappearing act, wasn't working out so good and had dragged on long enough.

Plan B was to do this massive blog post.  Attempting to catch you up on everything that has gone on in my life since my last post.  BUT there are too many pictures, thoughts, experiences and updates.  It would be overwhelming to do all that now AND to read all that now.  So i will go with plan C. I will divide everything up amongst several seperate blog postings over the next several weeks.

But i do want to share why i have been gone so long.  I allowed myself to become overwhelmed with challenges in my personal life, with my business, my finances and my health.  I decided i needed to disappear for awhile . . .take stock of my life.  I needed time to rest, to heal, gain strength and navigate a new path for myself.

But time flew by so quickly and my best friend Adair reminded me i can't just disconnect from everything and everyone - indefinitely.  I need to keep myself out there in some way.  She kept encouraging me to create a new series, to post something, write something. Give the universe a sign that i still have a pulse! Eventually i realized . . . she was right, I had been gone too long.

So i am going to attempt to share my journey.  It will help me stay connected and  mindful of everything i am doing along the way.  It will also put healthy pressure on me to live up to my commitments.  Because i will be placing my goals out there, into the universe and being accountable, it's a good thing :).

Also on the Horizon . . .

MY JOURNAL - I haven't been able to afford the time to invest in sharing my thoughts - blog style.  But i have been writing in my paper journal,  my thoughts on anything and everything, poetry, feelings, dream snippets, photo shoot ideas. Lots and lots of stuff.  Over the next few months i'll be converting my journal entries into blog postings :).

BUSINESS/ART -  I will be introducing new places to shop my art and will have some brand new products to offer you!

ART PROJECTS - All the fantastic things that are either on the horizon or in the works.

PERSONAL - I will be sharing some of the painful lessons i've learned over this past year-and-a-half, thoughts on love, Spirit, self and the evolution thereof.

FRIENDS/FAMILY - Some new additions to my family, including my adorable niece Hannah Nicole and i will be adding new albums of friends, family and fun candid stuff :).

HEALTH - I'll be sharing what i've been struggling with and everything i am learning through my struggles.

FINANCIAL - Lots of  lessons to be learned and shared here as i press forward on this bumpy, bumpy road.

PICTURES - I have still been snapping pictures, not art pictures but pictures of industrial sites, my beautiful niece Hannah, friends and family and i look forward to sharing them with you :).

CELEBRATING MY MUSES, FELLOW CREATIVES - I love to shine the spotlight on those artists, of whom, touch my heart, inspire me, enchant, stir my soul.  I look forward to featuring some of you in my future blogs :).
And last but NOT least . . .
The last few months have been a bittersweet experience. Seems the painful lessons are the most spiritually awakening.  I am learning, reaching, growing, striving, hoping, loving and evolving.

Thank you to everyone that sent me a note, a word of encouragement, offered up a prayer, expressed concern, love and just loved me as is, disappearing quirks and all.  And thank you to my earthbound angels. Like the one that left groceries outside my door and the one that took me to get new contacts/eyeglasses knowing i didn't have any medical insurance. And for my tea angels, dropping by with something deliciously aromatic to brew, savour and enjoy :). I am very blessed :).

And thank you to my best friend Adair, for all the chats, the advice, the listening, the encouragement, compassion, support, great stories and laughter.  You are precious!

I know i have a lot re-connecting and catching up to do.  Though i don't really think i can catch up.  Time lost, is time lost.  So perhaps i'll just stick to re-connecting.  Little-by-little i am finding my way back, baby steps . . .

*embracethecreativitythatexistsinthepresentmoment*

PEACE-LOVE-LIGHT
j a e d a :)

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Blog Archives - Newest to Oldest

driving along the landscape of a nightmare

dark spaces, desperate places - imagery/poetry

soul gazing - elegant ecstasy - sacred love REvisited *pics/poetry*

bi-polarities and manic reflections . . . *new pics*

*the hours* new pics/series/poetry

love-evolution-revolution . . . *novella-length warning*

dreaming of dirty windows and broken elevators

whats in your tank? - a love-fueled existence - God?

imagination + sugar kisses AND sugared skin *new pics*

the gift of undistracted time - the dream kisses

the masquerading selves - creative gratitude

the melodies - surreal showers - life as luscious

jaeda as marionette - belted bodies - my life as a sink

desperately seeking sally - the dashboard confessionals

embarrassing moment - the transparent dream - haunting hands

inbetween dreams - ladies in red - instrument of pain

living inside the dream . . . new photo series + poetry

Images and poetry first . . . thoughts to follow

The Red Realm - Part 1 - Self Portrait Series

listen to me recite the red facade


listen to me recite the red lie


listen to me recite the red fall

The Red Realm - Part 2 - Self Portrait Series

listen to me recite my red melancholy


listen to me recite the red stare


listen to me recite the red freeze


listen to me recite the red breeze
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Monochromatic Thoughts Drifting Through Red Realms

I think i am artistically color blind. I usually prefer shooting in black and white because for so long that is how i saw the world, colorless and gray scale. Loving the depth and mystery black and white brings, forcing ones imagination to dig a little deeper . . . reach a little farther.

When i was younger i remember attending exhibits/galleries and mentally converting anything color into black and white. When i started experimenting with color, i found i just didn't desire natural colors or flesh tones. I liked extremes, i liked restricted color, i liked everything to be surreal, ethereal, pristine and dream-like.

I like my images to strike from a distance, to pop from far away, i crave that "ooh-awwwh" factor so that when you see it from a distance you are compelled to come closer, look deeper, curiosity piqued, eyes enchanted . . .

I tend to shy away from intricate, ornate little details. I crave visual simplicity. I don't like eye-stops, i like everything to blend and melt seamlessly. I am not a perfectionist, but rather i want to offer a visually seamless experience, so the eyes just go deeper and deeper into the image, diving into the various layers without being interrupted by unnecessary details. This quest, drives me insane and creates the illusion that i am a perfectionist. As i am constantly revising images as more and more unnecessary details shout at me, begging to be removed, smoothed or blended.

I think this need for visual perfection can read as superficial initially, but i like to draw people into my images first, and then offer up layers of meaning through my words, through my voice and by visually going deeper into the image itself . . . I like to gently and beautifully whisper, "come follow me into my world" . . . my soul on display . . . my heart open for all to see, view, examine and experience. And if people pause, if they read, if they listen, much will be revealed to them, many layers will unravel . . .

PAIN and PTSD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a curious thing . . .
It amazes me the way it effects the mind and body. I kind of feel like the bionic woman or something *wink*. I've noticed all my senses are turbo-charged . . . with an extreme sensitivity to light and sound. When i experience a trigger my PTSD kicks into high gear - putting me into a kind of, "high alert" mode wherein i struggle for sleep and remain in a kind of hypervigilant state. Because my mind doesn't know the difference between the past and present, it actually relives these traumatic experiences and responds as if they pose a clear and present danger. Strange stuff . . . I haven't figured out how to shut this process down and usually end up waiting it out until the inevitable crash occurs, allowing me to finally sleep and relax. Which brings me to my Red Realm Series . . .

My Red Realm series, part 1 & 2 are survivor related. Initially they weren't intended to be, but i experienced a trigger about 3 weeks ago and that sent me into a downward spiral which changed the direction that i went, with this two part series.

The trigger caught me off guard. I've been living in a safe little universe that i created for myself, a trigger free environment for which to thrive. Over the last couple of years this safe harbor has served me well. I've done a lot of healing, and a lot of work on myself with issues like forgiveness, putting into practice Beauty for Ashes and learning to let myself out of the prison of pain - i locked myself in . . . for far too long.

This trigger taught me that it's never really over, the work is never done. I do the best i can not to stir up old hurts. But every now and then, they will demand i work through them in a new way. I had to face my anger all over again, my memories, the pain and i had to start over again - with the process of forgiveness.

I've been in a mini-hell for the last several weeks as flashbacks and nightmares made their return into my quiet little universe. It felt like i would never come out of the darkness. It's a lonely, isolating feeling, to be in that space, i did not want to surrender to it. But pain can have purpose, pain can be a teacher, pain can exercise our spiritual muscles, teaching us to be more resilient. The pain let me know that i need to pay attention to my emotional self, to sit with my feelings and be in them fully, to stimulate healing.

Often the pain that hurts the deepest is also the pain that leaves the most enduring mark upon the heart/mind/body/soul. The shock that becomes the ache of the heart eventually leads down the path of enlightenment, blessing the Spirit with a new depth and richness.

I'm coming out of that downward spiral and it feels good. Reminding me that my pain is a bittersweet experience because i also get to feel the bliss of relief, as the emotional dust settles.

It's a fulfilling healing and cathartic experience for me, to share my heart with all of you . . . through my art, thoughts and words.

T H A N K Y O U :)

***love and blessings to all of you***

peace and light
JAEDA

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Blog Archives - Newest to Oldest

driving along the landscape of a nightmare

dark spaces, desperate places - imagery/poetry

soul gazing - elegant ecstasy - sacred love REvisited *pics/poetry*

bi-polarities and manic reflections . . . *new pics*

*the hours* new pics/series/poetry

love-evolution-revolution . . . *novella-length warning*

dreaming of dirty windows and broken elevators

whats in your tank? - a love-fueled existence - God?

imagination + sugar kisses AND sugared skin *new pics*

the gift of undistracted time - the dream kisses

the masquerading selves - creative gratitude

the melodies - surreal showers - life as luscious

jaeda as marionette - belted bodies - my life as a sink

desperately seeking sally - the dashboard confessionals

embarrassing moment - the transparent dream - haunting hands

inbetween dreams - ladies in red - instrument of pain

living inside the dream . . . new photo series + poetry