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Terri's Dave

David Gross


Last Updated: 11/3/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 46
Sign: Aries

City: In a galaxy far far away..
State: New Jersey
Country: US
Signup Date: 3/3/2007

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Blog Archive
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November 6, 2009 - Friday 5:24 AM

Category: Life
"BEER" BY SEVEN YEAR OLDS


A handful of 7 year old children were asked 'What they thought of beer'. Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially good.
'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.' --Tim, 7 years old 

'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice. ' --Mellanie, 7 years old 

'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.' --Grady, 7 years old 

''My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.' --Toby, 7 years old 

'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much. --Sarah, 7 years old 

'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.' --Lilly, 7 years old 

'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.' --Ethan, 7 years old 

'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.' --Shirley, 7 years old 

'My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again. But that doesn't make any sense.' --Jack, 7 years

Posted via email from dave6's posterous
 
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November 5, 2009 - Thursday 3:51 AM

Current mood:  overstimulated
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
We've seen some of these before but they're still hysterical!
Posted via email from dave6's posterous
Currently reading:
Mankind's Greatest Quotes: Mankind's Wisdom from Aristotle to Zimmerman
Release date: 2006-04-15
 
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November 1, 2009 - Sunday 7:33 PM

Current mood:  rejuvenated
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
Currently reading:
Cake Girl
By David Lucas
Release date: 2009-08-04
 
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October 28, 2009 - Wednesday 4:30 AM

Current mood:  exanimate
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
Funnies posted today on http://dave6.posterous.com :o)

Catholic Coffee 

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.


The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he 
walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."


The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks 
into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."


The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters 
a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."


The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he 
walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."


Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the 
four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"



She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 
24" stomach, and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people 
say, "Oh My God."

Posted via email from dave6's posterous



You're not a handyman until you can do this..




Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh


His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------------------------- U Gogh
His magician uncle -------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin ---------------------------------------- A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------------ Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach --------------- Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ------------------------------------- Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt -------------------------------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin -------------------------------------- Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------ Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ----------------------------------- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco -------------------------------------- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh
I saw you smiling . . . there ya Gogh!
Time to Gogh..............

Posted via email from dave6's posterous



FiremanCostume

Man goes to a fancy costume party wearing only a glass jar on his penis. 

A woman asks, 'What are you?' He says, 'I'm a fireman' 'But you're only wearing a glass jar?', says the woman. 'Exactly! In an emergency, break glass, pull knob and 
I'll come as fast as I can!'
Posted via email from dave6's posterous
Currently listening:
Spaced Out: The Best of Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner
By Leonard Nimoy
Release date: 1998-05-17
 
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October 25, 2009 - Sunday 9:58 PM

Current mood:  ditzy
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Currently reading:
Fuck, Yes!: A Guide to the Happy Acceptance of Everything
By Wing F. Fing
 
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October 23, 2009 - Friday 4:52 AM

Current mood:  tired
Category: Travel and Places
You're probably shopping
at the
Posted via email from dave6's posterous
Currently reading:
Stores and Retail Spaces 3
By Institute of Store Planners and Editors
 
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October 23, 2009 - Friday 4:41 AM

Current mood:  sleepy
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.


FASTER...

FASTER...


BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP....


He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.


clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP....

clappity-BUMP...


on his heels, as the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...


and,



The coffin stops

Posted via email from dave6's posterous
Currently reading:
Frightfully Fun Halloween Crafts & Cooking
 
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October 16, 2009 - Friday 9:24 PM

Current mood:  stoked

....

Pictures you don't see everyday Must have been McNaughty. Looks like UPS wins!!! Starting with spelling… ..I think it was the FedEx driver Made by the school that teaches Arithetic Sometimes a name change is the best idea... Take me to the cleaners, baby! Major dilemma in California: How do you get there from here? Everything you need for your 'shotgun' wedding! It's a good deal, but... oh, the college costs! McLogic gone wrong...

Pork the one you love? Still Dead, Huh??? Go Figure.... What? 'Mass suicides...Cows going over the edge....' Good Job!! Well, Make that "former job." Load 'em up with burritos, Mom!! I'm Confused... How am I going to write that if I'm ILLITERATE? I can't even comment on this one Must be Wyoming …Beautiful, lush lawns of dirt.. Make up your mind!!! Don't drink and make signs... And Last but not Least… It must have been the FedEx driver.

Posted via email from dave6's posterous

Currently reading:
Changing How the World Does Business: Fedex's Incredible Journey to Success - The Inside Story
By Roger Frock
 
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October 15, 2009 - Thursday 10:33 PM

Current mood:  electric
Category: Music
Currently reading:
Star Trek Kirk (Shatner) & Spock (Nimoy) 8" X 10" Publicity Photograph (Star Trek)
By Star Trek
 
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October 9, 2009 - Friday 2:19 AM

Current mood:  chipper
Category: Pets and Animals

cat
wut u meen iz nat fud? Iz in a bowl! mah bowl iz emptee. needz fud. picture: lisaroxy. lol caption: myprecious Its called Food
I need it to live. mebbeh ur fud eated awl ur fud. picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder. lol caption: Shadowcat117 

a fud is eatn mah fud
funny pictures 
were did teh goggie go? picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder. lol caption: klaz
MUSH!
mouseonkittyondog-miles.jpg


 Posted via email from dave6's posterous
 
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October 8, 2009 - Thursday 7:44 PM

Current mood:  exanimate
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping

Just shake your head,

and have a good laugh!

Posted via email from dave6's posterous

 
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October 8, 2009 - Thursday 4:32 AM

Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
 
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July 15, 2009 - Wednesday 9:16 PM

Current mood:Schmucky ;o)
Category: Life
Mel Brooks Starts Nonprofit Foundation To Save Word 'Schmuck'

NEW YORK- Saying he could no longer stand idly by while a vital part of American culture is lost forever, activist and Broadway producer Mel Brooks
has founded a private nonprofit organization dedicated to preserving the word "schmuck."
 
An emotional Brooks stopped short of kvetching at a schmuck fundraiser Monday.

"Schmuck is dying," a sober Brooks said during a 2,000-person rally held in his hometown of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, Monday.
 
 "For many of us, saying 'schmuck' is a way of life.
 Yet when I walk down the street and see people behaving in foolish, pathetic, or otherwise schmucky ways, I hear only the words 'prick' and 'douche bag.'
 
I just shake my head and think, 'I don't want to live in a world like this.'"
The nonprofit, Schmucks For Schmuck, has compiled schmuck-related data from the past 80 years and conducted its own independent research on contemporary "schmuck" usage.
According to Brooks, the statistics are frightening:
Utterances of the word "schmuck" have declined every year since its peak in
1951, and in 2006, the word was spoken a mere 28 times-17 of these times by Brooks himself.
The study indicates that today, when faced with a situation in which one can use a targeted or self-deprecating insult to convey a general feeling of disgust,
people are 50 times more likely to use the word "jerk" than "schmuck,"
               100 times more likely to use "dick,"
     and 15,000 times more likely to use "fucking asshole."


Perhaps more startling, only 23 percent of men know what schmuck means, and only 1.2 percent of these men are under the age of 78.
If such trends continue, Brooks estimates that by 2011, such lesser-used terms as "imbecile," "dummy," "schlub," and "contemptible ne'er-do-well" will all surpass schmuck, which is projected to completely disappear by the year 2020 or whenever Brooks dies.


"We must save this word!" Brooks said to thunderous applause as those in attendance began chanting "Schmuck! Schmuck! Schmuck!"
"How will we be able to charmingly describe someone who acts in an inappropriate manner?
Especially given the tragic loss of the word 'schmegeggie' in 2001.
So I urge you:
Tonight, when you get home, please, call up your family, your friends, your loved
ones, and tell them they're a bunch of schmucks."

Hundreds turned out at a Boca Raton,FL demonstration to show their support for the dying word.


"I've never told anyone this before," Brooks added, choking back tears, "but my father was a schmuck."


The foundation has already raised more than $20 million, thanks to donations from supporters such as Jackie Mason, Albert Brooks, the Schtupp Institute, Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI), and the Henny Youngman Endowment for the Preservation of Schmekel.
The money will go toward projects aimed at reintegrating "schmuck" into the English lexicon, including billboards and flyers plastered with the word "schmuck," the upcoming 5K Schlep for Schmuck Awareness, and a new Mel Brooks film.


"The world cannot afford to lose this valuable and versatile word," Brooks told reporters during a charity auction in Manhattan's Upper West Side Tuesday, where attendees bid for the chance to have a private lunch with Brooks and repeatedly call him a schmuck.
"You can be a poor schmuck, a lazy schmuck, a dumb schmuck, or just a plain old schmuck.
 A group of people can be collectively referred to as schmucks.
You can call someone a schmuck, and you can be called a schmuck.
You can even call yourself a schmuck."
Plus, it's just so fun to say, Brooks added. "Schmuck."


Many of the foundation's volunteers say they share Brooks' passion for the word "schmuck," as well as his outrage that it is slowly disappearing from everyday use.
They claim that if they do not act now, the trend could create a snowball effect.
"Today it's schmuck, tomorrow it might be toochis," said SFS volunteer Harry Steinbergmann, 82.
 "What's next, schlemiel?
Putz? Schlimazel?"
Steinbergmann went on to classify this scenario as farcockteh.




Currently reading:
Schmucks!: Our Favorite Fakes, Frauds, Lowlifes, Liars, the Armed and Dangerous, and Good Guys Gone Bad
By Jackie Mason
Release date: 2007-03-27
 
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July 9, 2009 - Thursday 10:24 PM

Current mood:one with the hive


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-frvAJYKIsQ

Join me on the Hive Mind Twitter Contest: http://www.HiveMindMovie.com 

Star in Hive Mind and Win a MacBook Pro!


follow them on http://twitter.com/hivemindmovie 

I am at http://twitter.com/car4dave

Currently reading:
Hive mind and groupthink: the curse of the perfect IPT.(TEAM DYNAMICS): An article from: Defense AT & L
By Harry J. "H-Man" Hewson
Release date: 2006-01-09
 
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June 23, 2009 - Tuesday 9:46 PM

Current mood:  gallant
Category: Life


Here's a funny magazine cover that I found :o)





Is She Your Next CEO?


I found it on a free magazine called Training (www.trainingmag.com)





Currently reading:
Piercing Proverbs: Wise Words for Today's Generation
By Melody Carlson
Release date: 2006-06-01
 
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