A wonderful post on Polaris

I am important.  I am the Most Important Being in Existence.

This is so because of the oneness of All That Is.

Question: Could you describe the actual physical nature of what is going on inside me in a way doctors might speak of it? I have a fog in the brain, neck tension and headaches, and a vertigo that increases when I do any activity. What has changed recently with the shortness of breath?

Good evening. We are here. You may be surprised to find all of us speaking to you at this time [Note: This means it is Polaris, which includes Michael, but isn't only Michael] , but we are drawing on together a number of levels of expertise, if you will, so we can more adequately describe for you what is happening for you on a physical manifestation level.

In other words, we can describe for you on a number of levels what has been occurring for you within your body, and some of what has caused this to occur, both on a physical and on an energetic level.

As was expressed to you earlier, all of you come armed, if you will, with a great number of latent possibilities. These possibilities comprise various physical scenarios that may or may not be acted upon within the course of a single lifetime. In other words, you hold within you the capability to manifest a great number of "diseases" and conditions, only a few of which for most of you you actually see or feel. Certain things happen during the course of a lifetime that affect you. We have told you that you hold energy You hold experiences. You hold thoughts within your physical self. And at times these accumulation act as a catalyst for various physical possibilities that exist within you. This, then, is what has been occurring for you on a number of levels over a course of some time.

So with this particular condition that you have found yourselves thinking about, there is a certain latency quality that exists with it. Your scientists have told that a person is born with a condition and it either creates symptoms or it does not. If one does not manifest symptoms there is little need to check for them, and so many of these latencies go completely undetected.

On a purely physical level, therefore, we have already in part described for you the sense of the compression of neural pathways throughout your body, and that is a simplified approach to what is going on. There is, as you know, a certain type of pressure that is maintained within the body. There is the pressure of the blood, the pressure of all the fluids located within the body. Since they are in a more or less enclosed space, there is a tension placed on the outer membranes of everything that holds fluids within the body. Now as you know, the human body is mostly comprised of fluids of one sort or another. And the outermost tangible enclosure for these fluids is of course the skin. Now, the one area that is also relatively fluid is the brain. Now what is the brain exactly? Many suppose the brain is where the mind resides, and we would say there is an energetic location that the brain and the mind body share in one sense and on one level. The brain, however, is made up of specialized cells that are present in order to perform a specialized function. This is not unusual because every part of your body is made up of specialized cells designed to perform a specialized function. An interesting thing about the brain, however, is that it is designed to transmit a great deal in terms of what is known to you as electricity. In other words, it sends more or less electrical impulses through the neutral pathways to all parts of your body. It's a method of communication. There is, of course, a much simpler (and perhaps more effective) way of communication, because of course every cell of your body maintains an awareness of every other cell in your body. So if this is true, what then is the need for the neural pathways? If your brain shares an awareness with your big toe and through that awareness is able to make the big toe move, why then the neutral pathways that tell the big toe essentially the same thing? To simplify the reality of the awareness of all the cells in your body, the answer to that question is that sometimes cells forget things. They're busy doing cell things. And they do not always choose to maintain an awareness with every other part of the body. Therefore the brain can send a little electric jolt through the neutral pathways to travel down and wake up those cells down there in the big toe. So what is happening with you then?

Again we tell you that these pathways are compressed. There is swelling. There is pressure that is not within the norm compared to other people. We spoke to you that the body maintains pressures of the various fluids contained within it. And along the main neutral pathway, being the spinal cord, there is fluid around it. It floats in a warm bath of fluid that also is an electrical transmitter. So the pressure, then, of that fluid in your body is elevated. This then creates a constriction. Now what is causing this fluid pressure to be elevated? Again, there is an accumulation of sensations taken in and held over a long period of time. There was little outlet to display the great deal of anguish that was experienced and remained unexpressed. This then resulted in a constricting overall. Now you know through chemistry that if you increase pressure there will be a result. It could be that the temperature increases. It could be that the volume is affected. Would you think us too lighthearted if we were to tell you that your brain has sadness. It is a part of you, yes, but it also has its own consciousness and it is one of sadness. And it has caused it to want to encroached upon territory that does not necessarily belong to it. This sensation adds to the pressure .

Now what can be done to relieve this? How does one make the brain less sad? How do you allow to dissipate a lifetime of accumulated hurt? And even if you do so, the body has become used to operating in this fashion, and sometimes has little interest in making big changes.

We have spoken to you many times before on a mainly energetic level. In other words, talking to you about your experience emotionally and energetically. It is difficult to confine our discussion with you on a purely physical level, yet we see that it is possible that there is a body choice to simply allow this deterioration to continue regardless of the inner spiritual work you are doing to resist that deterioration. It sounds fatalistic, doesn't it? However, we tell you also that you are at all times creating this body and maintaining its creation. You could change your appearance at any moment if you believed you could. You are using this physical experience in order to gain access to levels of your Self that you felt you would not do so in any other way. You are having the experiences you wish to in this lifetime. You are attracting, through those experiences, additional experiences from which to learn from. But you could, if you chose to and believe you could, change it all in an instant.
Experiences as they are chosen in a lifetime are chosen largely because of the set of beliefs that you also choose to wear. If you believed, fully believed, in magic for instance, you would be capable of it. You would see many manifestations of it on a regular basis. It's there – you're simply choosing not to see it.

If you believed that you would be doing the "same work" without the external feeling impetuses to look at certain elements of yourself then you could do so. However, part of your set of perceptual lenses in this lifetime has been that you feel the world is acting upon you. It is not at present within your belief set that you can truly change the manifestation of your body, or that you could encounter these inner transformational elements without some dramatic external cause.

Question: I came up a hit of Arnold-Chiari Malformation on the internet. Do I have this?

You have asked us to tell you things "as it is", or as you are, without dancing around the topic.  We understand that you value expression.  You value Truth in expression. 

We will attempt to bring you that now.You have asked what you are doing wrong or not doing, or doing to sabotage yourself.  As much as you desire change, understand it is because you think you "should".  This desire for change, then, you have allowed to come to you from an external source rather that from inside yourself.  In other words, true change will not occur for you unless and until you are connected to your inner Self and the desire to change comes from there.

Now we can tell you reasons why you have allowed this external "should" to come in.  But understand that you do not have a desire to connect with that inner Self except with that desire that comes to you via this external "should".  In other words, until you drop the external "should", change will not occur at the rate at which you think you "should" have it.  Now, ironically, once you are able to drop this external "should" and become connected with your inner self, you will likely not feel the need for change, for you will likely already have what you want.  So we would suggest looking at your pattern of external influences and determining you are going to continue to accept them.  Once you drop them, if you should choose to, all that will be left will be that inner core of yourself.  If, however, you choose to remain immersed in these external influences you have allowed to accumulate outside of you, you will always feel there is an inner emptiness.  Now, are there any questions.

That is, as we said, "as we see it".  However, we understand it is not easy to get there.  It is one thing for us to say drop the external influences, but when you are mired within them, that is all you could see.  Now, you could manifest within yourself a very dramatic way to drop the external influences.  This could look like insanity to others.  It could be extremely painful.  It could be part of a "near death" experience.  Any other really dramatic shift is likely to have that effect.  So you must ask yourself: is that what you want?   And in the asking, ask yourself also what are the influences telling me what I "should" want?

Aside from a dramatic shift such as we described, you could also examine every one of these influences that you already know about, travel with each one back to the source and allow yourself to let it dissipate, for you know you don't need it.  You must however, believe this can happen.  If you believe you are nothing but what others think that you are, then you will be that.  You have the power to choose what you are and who you are, and who you are not.

This was enormously helpful to me, because knowing my own blocks is just as important as knowing my own light.  Like many people, my identity was largely constructed from others: how others looked at me, what part of me was loved, what was not accepted, what was painful, what was joyful, how I needed to act to gain acceptance.  And all of these things are externals.  Even my desires, such as for wholeness, can be things I think I should want.  That's the legacy of our advertising-based culture.

In this time of enforced inactivity called illness, I really can't give to others as much as I used to.  I can't earn a living, I can't help around the house much, I can't think that clearly much of the time, and I even can't do energy work without a reaction.  It's brought up a lot of self-hatred and confusion about my identity - because in some ways I perceived I needed to do all these things in order to be lovable.   But looking at all my self-hatred now, I see that without exception, every hatred I have is because I perceive something (in myself or others) that is different from how I think it should be.  And all of those "should"s came from somewhere outside myself.  Every last one.

Most people in this culture, I've gradually perceived, have little awareness when there is a connection to this deep inner presence called "Self".  It takes time and space to allow this connection.  There is no quick answer, no quick solution to becoming who you are.  Any attempt to make it a quick solution is always because of another "should".  But there is no way to find inner peace and balance without this connection, however long it takes.And so my journey (and yours) goes on...

True Rest is a temporary suspension of "normal" activity in which the typical processes of the mind, the body, and emotions, are allowed to revert to their actual, natural state.

All of you – and we say this without exception – spend the majority of your time in a state of constant contraction, in a state of constant tension. Without this conflict, both internal and external, there would be little growth. It is a function of the physical plane to provide you with a constant sense of imbalance so that you have something to move against. A state of rest, therefore, is a momentary setting aside of this perpetual process in order to touch again your actual natural state.

Getting to Rest

The key for me to this channeling is the word "allowing".  This should be no surprise to regular readers of my writings.  If I try to rest, if I exert focus to recharge, then I'm not resting - I'm putting myself again in that constant state of contraction.  This state of rest is a true letting go, a detachment from trying to get anything and entering an empty space without expectation or desires.  If you think on how many messages we get on a daily basis on what we should desire and do, you can see why most people rarely get there.

This state of rest is really about being in a completely receiving state.  As I wrote a year and a half ago, giving and receiving are essentially part of the same process.  It's all about energy flow: if you wish to give more, you need to allow more to come in.  Likewise, you cannot accept and receive gifts from others and have the wonder of them "stick" without giving in some way.  Most of us are focused on the giving, which is why so many of us are depleted, depressed, and aimless.  Receiving is as loving an act as giving, for it lets another touch our soul.  It is the touch that is loving - not the gift of giving.  There is nothing more to Love on this earth than one soul touching another with a bare vulnerability.

Gateways to rest

When one is in that state of rest, a sense of time is suspended momentarily as you move into a state of being without any other distractions, thoughts, feelings, or sensations. It can be terrifying to give up all the thoughts, feelings, and sensations that you feel define you, which is why many of you resist moving into an actual state of rest even momentarily.

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 I'm going to add to it, starting with the first comment as a basis question - on the subject of child abuse.  In other words, does compassion as channeled work for something that's violent and painful?  It's a very good question, and representative on most people's initial response to thinking of compassion in terms of awareness and acceptance, rather than having a duty to do something to solve a problem.  I realize this is a touchy subject, and that what is written here may be controversial because of the massive cultural pain that exists.  However, bringing compassion to such a painful area brings a huge amount of clarity to how it is applied in the world...more-->

Compassion applied to child abuse

Question: So in awareness of children being raped, tortured or mutilated I should be "simply accepting that state, however horrible it appears, as a state of perfection in that moment"? Through this accepting of the "moment" I have extended compassion?

The choice isn't black or white.  There's no saying that if you "simply accept" a situation, you must retire to a virtual monastery and live a life of doing nothing about it. Accepting or not accepting a state as part of the perfection of the whole dictates nothing about any future actions.  You can be completely allowing of What Is, yet still raise a voice that cries out for attention to pain that is being generated.  You can offer nothing but a presence filled with a full and loving acceptance.  So the real question is more : do you fully accept the person and the experience, which is to say "do you love them?", or do you have reservations?

I have mentioned sexual abuse in my own past.  It is very human to see such a traumatic event as child abuse and react with anger and a desire to punish. Yet such an action is rarely for the child, as much as justifications may say so.  It's for the performer of the action.  The child rarely knows what's happened. She knows is that an intense and painful experience has been etched upon her soul and that there is no way to undo this experience. There is no going back.  In many ways, her life and her abuser is now intertwined; there is a bond that comes from the trauma.

The key here is that this experience is now a part of the child, including the link with the abuser.  When there is no acceptance, the child feels there is no love for this part of her.  There once was love for her, but now there is none, in her eyes.  Therefore part of her is bad.   This is the how the perception of a child works.  When there is no love of the experience, resting in a complete allowing of What Is, then there is also no love of the people involved, which includes the child. It's a reaction of the family which perpetuates the legacy of the abuse.  In many ways, even unintentional denial of abuse is more painful in the long term than the actual abuse itself.  It is a lack of compassion where a child expects it most.

The unfortunate aspect of abuse is that such a reaction is very normal.  Parents may resist taking in the reality that a child has been abused.  Their children are so dear to them and their identity that such damage is inconceivable.   It may mean to them that they are "bad parents", or that they have "failed".  Or they could simply refuse to see someone they love be part of something so awful.     To their child, it simply feels like they're now unlovable because their parents cannot accept them anymore.  It is ironic that the family's reaction to the abuse often causes more pain than the abuse itself.  When love that was once counted on disappears, a child makes inevitable conclusions about being unlovable.

In the future of the child, then, the part of them that is "unlovable" grows in such an atmosphere.  If the abuse itself can't be looked at, then all emotions stemming from that experience are also excluded.  The child may be expected to "get over it" - the result is usually a conclusion that the pain is also unlovable, and therefore should be walled away.   Sadness, reflexive body reactions, and boundaries may have the same conclusion.  The part of the soul that is "unlovable" grows like a stain, because anything connected to the original experience of abuse cannot be given room without compassion.  More and more filters, restrictions, and blocks appear to protect the world and the family from the "bad" parts of the Self.  This is a natural outgrowth of not allowing the full nature of a child.

Compassion, based on a full allowing of all aspects of the abuse experience, communicates something much more simple : I see you completely, and I love you simply as you are.   There is nothing needed more in healing than this.

We hope this helps you understand compassion more from looking at what happens where there is no acceptance.

Question:  Why can't parents accept such trauma?  Why is so difficult to do so?

It is impossible to be accepting of trauma happening to others without accepting the possibility of it happening to you.  This is empathy.  Denying this possibility of pain and violence to yourself may temporarily create a sense of safety in your mind, but it also disconnects you from others who have this experience.  You cut yourself off from the ability to give and receive support and warmth.  This is why, for example, those who have been through sexual abuse and learned to love who they are, abuse included, offer the most empathy for others also with this experience.  It doesn't need to be this way; empathy comes from simply not resisting the experience and seeing its perfection.

Violence is part of humanity - it is part of the world we have collectively created.  There is no escaping this.  Denying the reality of suffering leads to an incredibly lack of resources to reacting appropriately to it.

A Tibetan Buddhist monk who lived in a monastery in India with no TV or news participated in an experiment.  His brain waves were measured as he was shown videotapes of genocide and wartime rape.  The scientists were amazed that his brain showed himself as deeply peaceful throughout.  His response was that he was already fully aware of the possibility of this happening to others and himself, and that he felt incredible compassion to others because of this.  Awareness creates compassion.

Once a master and a disciple were walking through a city and passed by a leper who was obviously close to starvation. The leper cried out loudly, in a voice full of tremendous suffering. They gave what they could and moved on.After a short time, the disciple was flustered and still thinking of the leper. He was suffering as he gave to the leper, and still suffered. Watching his master throughout the encounter, there was no sign of suffering, no pangs whatsoever.  Instead there was a deep peace and an enjoyment of the sun.  Finally he asked his master,  "Why are you not being affected by that tremendous suffering? Do you not care?"The response was:  "Of course I care. The only difference between me and you is that you hear them when they cry out, whereas I hear them always".

If you prefer a more personal, day to day story about compassion and a personal reaction, you may wish to see the previous article, "An allowing space" .

One of the most fundamental aspect of any growth or spiritual path is the trust in one's own perception.  There is no question it is an incomplete perception; so long as you have a body, you will not see even a minuscule fraction of the totality of the universe, or that of your Self.  But it is still your perception.  It is your link to your soul.  It is the basis for all growth, for if you rely on someone else's eyes and intuition, you are not living your own life, discovering your own Truth, but are being a guinea pig for other's experiments with Truth.  As J. Krishnamurti said,

"All authority of any kind, especially in the field of thought and understanding, is the most destructive, evil thing. Leaders destroy the followers and followers destroy the leaders. You have to be your own teacher and your own disciple. You have to question everything that man has accepted as valuable, as necessary."

Living and speaking from your own perception can be very challenging.  At the same time, it is also compassionate.  One of my teachers, the channeled entity Michael, described someone supporting by compassion as :  "This person can be counted on to tell you the truth about you in any situation.".   Being someone who speaks their perceptions fully can cause worldly problems if used indiscriminately, but within the context of close relationships generates trust and love.  When someone is being exactly who they are, Love exists.  Love is.  Living and speaking your perceptions is another way of being who you are.  Being who you are brings awareness to the Truth that you are nothing but Love.

Unfortunately, even in progressive groups, there can easily be an environment where only "positive perceptions" are shared.  This can be a definite improvement over a environment of venting and flaming at each other, but it still is not the full truth of who we are. Paradoxically, if everyone is restricted in what they can say, then over time people don't feel supported and safety issues can come up strongly.   When it's considered not compassionate to speak true perceptions then a very strange dynamic occurs and dysfunction starts.  Compassion will always start from truth.

However, simply announcing this intention this does not mean it will happen. If there is no openness to intimacy, then bare honesty may provoke strong defenses; awareness of this is compassionate in itself. It is good to ask what is necessary to create relationships, an environment, or even a deeper level of community (see previous post) where true perceptions can be displayed openly. I call this "Higher Communication". This is where the interrelationships are about sharing who you are, completely and in complete wholeness. I hope insight into these helps bring true communication in this holiday season. Each of these are needed by all parties involved in the interaction:

1. Self awareness: Being conscious enough to know feelings and dynamics as they are happening.
2. Expressive ability: Enough interconnection exists between the emotional and intellectual centers of the body that all of the issues involved can be communicated in words or via other forms of expression.
3. Translation ability. This is an added level of expressive ability. As we know from NLP and other systems, people interpret and communicate their world in different ways. The ability to bridge communication distances by flexibility of words or modalities helps greatly when connecting.
4. A dynamic of equality, where there are no power plays going on. Social positions and roles are dropped. Within a dynamic of power plays, there is a struggle to hold to a position of power, which I call a "magnetic center" and deep communication usually gets blocked in this struggle.
5. Trust. This is an extension of equality; the relationship has developed to the point that it is unquestionably known that everyone's wellbeing is linked. You are on the same side. Your happiness is quite literally their happiness. Any power dynamic immediately removes this.
6. Fears have been calmed. If someone is arrogant – which is the same thing as being influenced by a great fear of vulnerability – then the openness of intimacy tends to be blocked whenever the fear has not been calmed. Similarly, someone with a fear of change (e.g., stubbornness), will also tend to stonewall if they feel pressured rather than head towards true communication. Other fears act similarly. Note that all fears are nothing more than blocks in perception. And because communication is an extension of perception, fears block communication and communion. 
   

   Note that fears do not need to disappear. They simply need to be calmed. And more often than not, a gentle listening to is all that fears need in order to be calmed.

7. Love of Self. Without a connection to an unconditional acceptance of the larger Self, which connects us to All That Is, there will be limitations on the interplay between people. You cannot communicate intricacies about something you have contempt for – you can only denigrate it, which is to say offer reasons for not looking at it. With Love of Self, all communication is tinged with it, and the depth of interaction increases exponentially. It is said that Buddha's smile conveyed such detail about the nature of the universe that this was enough for some monks to reach higher understanding.

When any of these are not present – or when there is simply no listening - then of course it's wise to let it be and not push for deeper communication.  Respect for other's choices is in itself compassionate.   Love simply allows what is, and a true compassionate acceptance of blocks without resentment opens many doors in and of itself.

Rules in any group or community, such as "before judging, get it from the horses mouth" that do not incorporate an understanding of the processes above can easily be used as a subtle way of saying "do not trust your own perception".  When there is a denial of perception going on, such as those of any blocks listed above, this is a subtle form of mindfuck.  I do not use that term lightly.  "Mindfuck" I would define as actions taken to cause distrust of one's own perceptions, intuitive knowingness, and connection to Self.   This is our most valued treasure – our selves.  This is why trusting one's own perception is fundamental; without this, we disown our Self.

Any time you may hear a response like "don't trust your perception, ask me" then power plays and fears are in operation.  There are no exceptions to this, and it is applicable to everyone, no matter how "wise".  Everyone's perceptions are inclusive and build on each other's; we only know a small part of ourselves, and others' perceptions add greatly to our own.   This is not saying asking others for verification isn't a good thing; it is very important to get feedback to tune perceptions or reevaluate them.  This is the benefit of positive doubt; if there is a blind trust of one's own intuition, then this can be used to wall one's self in an ivory tower.  You can trust your own perceptions while having a vast space open to expand them through others'.  With Higher Communication, there is no conflict; we are always enriched by the sharing of our selves with each other.  Within higher communication, other's perception is literally your own.  True intimacy appears (see previous post).   Oneness is experienced. 

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If you look at life like a poet, seeing beauty in the simplest things, you do not need to go anywhere to find beauty.  You can see that within manure, a flower is waiting to be born.  It is not in the future as an abstract concept; it is there now, in its fullest potential.  Within an acorn lying on the forest floor is a magnificent flowering tree.  If you listen closely, you can feel the tree whisper to you from inside the acorn, with its majestic tranquility.  Within a storm inflicting damage on a community is also the breathtaking beauty of sun squirming its way through the clouds to a new dawn, bringing new energy and a re-creation of what we thought was perfect, but has new perfection to expand upon us.

This potential also works with emotions and relationships.  Within a storm of a relationship where there is deep division and conflict, there is also a great empathy waiting to unfold.  This is because there can be no compassion without understanding, and to find understanding we must experience.  You cannot have empathy for someone's violence without having experienced the urge to lash out yourself.  And it is through empathy, or love, that we transform the world.  Peace does not come from imposing rules of peace; it comes from living peace.  This applies within relationships and activism equally.

The interconnected nature of the universe applies to me in particular in my own journey.  This being is within me:

 Feeling the weight of someone's body on top of me, I shut off.  How could this happen?  How can I let this happen?   I shall never trust the world again.  I shall keep kicking until I no longer feel a weight on top of me.  I shall never trust myself again.  I shall never trust the world again.  I hate being a child, for helplessness is the worst of all evils.

This being is also within me:

The child breathes contentedly in utter trust, feeling the warmth and support surrounding me.  I am helpless, but within that helplessness comes the ability to invite help.  Everything I need is here now.  In utter vulnerability, I let the world touch me and the fullness of it brings utter joy.  My helplessness is a gateway to feeling the love around me.  I trust completely.

The two beings are of course one; they are me.  Within the vulnerability of a childlike state is also the ability to be traumatized, and within the ability to be traumatized is the ability to heal, learn empathy, transform the world, and live a life of Love.  Nothing needs to be done to "transform" one into the other; they are both inseparable.  They are me.

In thinking about healing, we usually focus on the loudest voice. The hurt child screams loudest and we rarely hear anything else, so we think that's all there is. We lose awareness of the joyful child that is present in the moment and has never left us. And it is awareness that transforms – not counseling, medication, or even diving into the pain – but simple awareness.  It is through awareness that allaspects of ourselves are reconnected and integrated.  It is how compassion is learned; seeing how interdependent we are. 

Whether within one's Self, in relationship, or in society, there is a great interdependency.  The pain cannot be without the joy and compassion.  A pauper cannot exist without the ultra rich.  There would be no destruction of the rainforest without all the world participating in its consumer patterns.  This is not simply the link of cause and effect; it is a deeper connection on the level of being.  You are the environment of the world, you are the disparity of wealth, and you are both the joys and pains that exist in you and without you.  Invite this in; it is the gateway to living a live filled with peace.

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For this post, I'll include more of my personal journey: that of dealing with emotions. I've always been someone who has had had very intense emotions to deal with, especially those related to my past sexual abuse.   Because of this, many emotions have come at any and all times, without apparent "reason": at work, in relationships, light social times, and with family. Without any visible reason or sense, at least in the immediate context, it's easy to hold judgment about strong emotions in our culture. It can appear to make others uncomfortable. 

This isn't particular to sexual abuse; it is quite common to anyone sensitive and emotionally open, dealing with pain in any way. Emotions are emotions. They don't make sense.   If they did, they would be thoughts, not emotions.  The heart has reasons the mind knows not of, and never will. Our need to make sense greatly depends on how allowing we are of the emotion.  A grand sense of joy flittering like butterflies across our hearts when we see, for example, kittens playing with string for the first time, won't require much sense. And yet, when it comes to "negative emotions", such as pain, fear, anger, self-hatred, or a mix of them that could be called inner conflict, we often simply don't allow them to come forward as naturally. We want reasons, explanations, labels, and hopefully a way to protect ourselves against them appearing again.  This is the illusion of control reasons give us.

To me, how this manifested was a desire to expunge all the emotions. They obviously caused problems, so it made sense to want to get rid of them. I thought of them as a water well containing nothing but poison stored there from all the past pains in my life. So I tried to "get it out" as much as possible, whether it be via counseling, venting, punching pillows, or even meditation and trying to transform myself in that manner. Eventually, things would be "clear" and I would be more "balanced". Of course, things didn't work that way, because implicit in all these actions was a fundamental lack of love for those emotions – which creates even more negative emotions to vent. The perception that there was something wrong with me created more problems.  The never-ending process continued.  Thinking there was something wrong with me because I had pain simply created more pain.

A different way of looking at them instead is what was channeled to me recently by Karen Murphy.

At this time, perhaps you would like to think of your emotions, instead of something you need to get out and express, think of them as art, as a creation that you are constantly perfecting. They're not finished yet, but you see their beauty in whatever state of creation they are in. You don't need to share it even, because they are so beautiful. Bring this creation, all the beautiful colors that you know, and all the love you have inside you, for you love this creation. It is the most beautiful creation you have ever made, and you derive great satisfaction from the process of creating it. Take your time. Use visuals if that helps. Look around you. Find elements of what you see that perhaps might be included in this creation of yours. You will know it when you see it - anything that needs to be included. Have fun with this process, for it is yours. It is the first thing that's truly belonged to you.

This brought up much tears in me, because it went to the heart of who I am: an expressive person with an intense of love of beauty and art. And if I do not see myself as a work of art, then of course there will be a lack of love for Self. Corresponding to this was indeed a visual image of moving and surreal color, much like the movie "What Dreams May Come." We see art and beauty in Van Gogh, Dali, or other artists who express darkness or "craziness". After all, it's on the page and there are skills involved. However, there is an implicit dismissal of the skill involved in simply allowing emotions to come to fruition and expressiveness in this society. There is tremendous skill in this.  We see this in movies, on the stage, of an actor being very true with emotions, but it is easy to discount this in ourselves.  This is not the same as being able to pick the right words and expression of them.  It lies simply in being those emotions, in allowing them fully.

As I reach new levels of allowing of my emotions, I'm encountering vastly new perceptions of my life and my past, and even hidden memories.   Finally remembering who crawled into my bed at night, the helplessness, shame, impotent kicking, and a split of consciousness that persisted into adulthood.  There are, of course, many emotions connected to this journey, much like any prisoner might feel after coming into sunlight after thinking a cell block was home for many years. There is frustration, there is helplessness, and yes, there is self-hatred. I'm finding this isn't a contradiction in any way to loving myself. It has its own beauty; a disconnected aspect of myself that's screaming from years of being walled away.   There is beauty in goth designs, and there is intense beauty in these emotions as well.  They are a valid journey home.

Love, especially for ourselves, isn't a thing or something to gain, or anything to ingrain into our minds through writing a million affirmations or reading thousands of blogs. It's a perception - an awareness. Shifting how we look at something, especially ourselves, creates transformations.  In fact, every transformation is precisely a change in perception.  There is nothing but this, because there is perfection in everything, including intense pain. In the case of emotions, my experiences have created a subtle yet powerful difference in my experience in them. There is wonder in these emotions, simply as an expression of what is. The simply perception of beauty in utter vividness is, in the present moment, more loving than a thousand affirmations.

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I had a question recently asked of me, which is what this article is based on:

How do you form new identities when there are expectations other people place, in terms of maintaining an identity? How do you find ways of letting go to holding on to that and allowing more of yourself to come through?

To answer this, let's first look at what identity is.  The etymology of the word comes from the Latin words for "sameness" and "over and over".  This in itself gives a good picture of it - a fixated pattern or image that can be repeated over and over.  It can be looked at as a temporary protection against the unknown.  Where there is the dark unknown and the feeling of helplessness come from it, then terror appears, and so there is a desire to control that comes from this.  Identity is the standard result.

Because of the nature of interconnection mentioned in previous articles, identities are not isolated towers etched in stone.  Your identity depends on the interactions you have with others, particularly intimate relationships.  The degree of "sameness" and repetition of behavior in relationships creates safety and protection more firmly than any amount of home security.  Conversely, when someone's behavior and identity fluctuates without agreement from everyone involved, a sense of betrayal and threat is often the results.  When you question your identity, ripples flow outward that invite everyone surrounding you to also question their own identity.  For some, this is incredibly fearful.  To real degree, this can feel if one's life is about to end - because in some ways, it is.

Identity, therefore, is central to the perception of isolation and separateness that human beings are subject to.  If you hardwire your perception of Self to be a fixed collection of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, then you will automatically disconnect from all beings that are not this collection.  You may see this in such actions as politics; the identity is so strong, so dependent on connections with others of like mind that the disconnect then it is quite likely that those on the "other side" are disconnected from to such a degree that their humanness is no longer seen. When taken to its natural extreme, this can cause violence and wars.

The problems do not come from any idea of what you are, but always from what you are not.  If you deny connections, whether to others or within yourself, you are in fact wielding a scalpel, surgically cutting yourself off from the universe.  This is violence.  This is an attack, both at the world and at the Self.  There is no outward form of violence that does not directly come from this core split.

To work with this, we suggest an exercise adapted from Thich Naht Hahn : 

When you meet something, instead of a label which implies separation such as "tree", "house", or "road", state instead that you are what you see.   "I am this" is a good phrase, or a statement of "I am a tree" when you meet one.  Rather than this be something enforced on your mind, expand outward to breath in the essence of what you are seeing. 

Another way to do this is via the practice of mindful eating.  Your absolute interconnection is not simply with what you see, but everything that is connected to what you see as well.  An example would be the eating of brown rice.  (preferably organic!).   As you are eating, feeling the soft fibers in your tongue, invite the perception that you are the rice, and that you are enjoying changing form to help preserve life.  You are the plants in the field that produced this output.  You are the workers that cultivated the food.  You are the sunlight that gave life to this plant.  You are the water that irrigated the field.  You are the rain and sky that brought the rivers.  You are the people that package and brought the rice to you.  You are even the animals that ate from the field before it was cultivated.  You are all that.

Imagine then, that with every bite you are taking, you are affirming your connection to the earth, the plants on it, the sun, the animals, and every human being interconnected on it.  This connection is in every bite of food, and indeed in every breath you take.  Living with this connection at a conscious level is an ever present source of joy.

In this exercise, the "who you are" is absolutely inclusive, and thus without violence.  There is nothing you are not, and thus nothing you have to use force to separate yourself from.   This is where true power comes from.  If you have difficulty feeling this connection in this exercise, then we suggest trying it again in a natural setting, where animals can be viewed.  Animals naturally feel this interconnection as part of their way of being, and can be great teachers in this.  Children can be as well.

"Letting go of identity" is therefore not a true letting go.  There is in fact no need to let go of who you are – only to let go of the perception of what you are not.  You may in fact be a professional, reliable person who doesn't want to impose on others, but you may also be a human being who has pain inside and deserves the chance to make mistakes, get angry, and be wrong.

If you decide to undergo on the path of expanding your identity, take caution, for the ripples this path creates can create much reaction in others.  In fact, we advocate asking those close to you for permission first, even if in your own mind or in a dream state.  Leaving behind past shelters of identity is usually a terrifying undertaking, and it is good to prepare and gain support beforehand.  But it is good to remember that it is always in the unknown that true experience of Love  And it is in the expansion of Self – not the destruction of it – that Love is experienced.  Your awareness of identity can expand to where your identity is your family, the community, the earth, and the universe.  This is in fact what is true at this very moment, and we invite you to rejoin with your birthright. resides, and this is why terror is often experienced before Love is.

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These connections with others are a foundational part of living.  Without them, we would quite literally go insane or feel tormented, as those in solitary confinement in prison sometimes do.  Exploring connections is hard wired into our bodies, and even when lives of relative isolation are lived, there will always be an element of this exploration. 

Exploring longer term connections, the depth of them, is termed "a relationship".  We all have different preconceptions of what a relationship is - as many preconceptions as the word "love".  It is in longer term relationships that we meet the dichotomy between these preconceptions and what is head on.  Conflict can be the natural result.  We also see how much the ideal of "relationship" we have works within ourselves, for we can try to fit ourselves in a mold very easily in an attempt for intimacy.   It is a dance with essentially the present moment, Now.

In this dance of intimacy, which can also be termed "knowing the Self", I've identified two fundamental forces and motivations based in Love:

    
• Knowing Love through interconnection.  This is the desire to know one's wholeness and completion through seeing how fundamentally interconnected we are with others.  We connect with others via sharing ideas, emotions, and space, and feel the joy that comes from this experience of oneness in whatever form it takes.  It is a desire to fully experience the knowledge that you are not separate from anything in the universe.
    
• Knowing Love through autonomy.   This is the desire to experience wholeness simply by being exactly who you are in this moment.  In other words, it is the sure knowledge there is nothing lacking in you, and that nothing can be found in another that cannot be found in the Self.   There is thus no empty need for connections with others.  There is nothing you can "get" you cannot find already there, and so there is no need for any pretense in order to gain anything externally.  All of the universe is within you.

These two forces sound diametrically in opposition.  Most people place more emphasis on one than the other; some are focused on new experiences and connections at all costs, and yet others are about maintaining and building identity.   Yet the paradox involved in all this is that they are not separate at all.  Wholeness is found both in the universe and in the Self, without conflict.  "As within, so without" was the maxim of the alchemists studying inner transformation.  This has parallels to the psychological concept in Bowen family systems theory of differentiation. A healthy balance is obtained by a core self that is maintained in the midst of stress and deep connection.  The oneness of the above concepts shows itself in the world through the fact that the depth of your connection with others is always equal to the depth of connection you have with your Self.   Again, this is not theory, and it is not simply in the long term.  It is a truism of every moment of your life.  When you lose connection with Self, you may indeed feel "highs" of connection with others, which can feel as intense as opiates.  But this connection always feels around the corner, not Now.  This law of connection is itself an expression of the oneness of the universe.

Relationships are the most visible manifestation of this oneness.  If a man feels inner lack, or emptiness inside from not being connected to Self, then it is common to seek someone in a relationship to fill this apparent void.  He might even obsessively seek more and more connections with others, seeking to know wholeness through the eyes of many others.  But because of the utter unity of inner relationship with the Self and outer relationships with others, this soon manifests as co-dependency, conflict or other "problems", even in short term relationships.  I also see this in nightclubs and dance events; when others are in close proximity and there is no firm knowledge of Self (autonomy), then there is a natural diving into others that is in essence a giving away of the birthright of knowing wholeness.  It often pleasurable, but it will always contain seeds of experiencing the separation the action comes out of.   This is not a punishment, but a continual invitation to know Self. 

The other side of it is common to those involved in spiritual quests, as I was:

When I was in my twenties, I was coming out of a very isolated and empty family.  Because of the framework and pains I had accumulated through childhood, connections with others were painful, and I thought that heavy meditation was the answer.  Eventually I would "get it" and find enlightenment.  I was determined to find the wholeness in myself, so I would retreat into long meditations and avoid connections with others until I obtained this.  Of course, the denial of the interconnection with others led to even more disconnections within.   Depression continued and I thought that I must not be meditating hard enough.  It took a lengthy trip to India to see that I was literally trying to cut off part of myself in order to find "wholeness".  This in itself was violence to myself, and it took me some time to recognize this.  On my return from India, I immediately dived into a tumultuous and emotionally heavy relationship, which was necessary on my path to balance and knowing Self.

The ultimate expression of Love in this world, is seeing another as Self.  This is not a theoretical statement, but a simple expression of the non-duality that is underlying all of life.  If you look at the two forces described above, in fact the only way of harmonizing them without conflict is through this perceptional transformation.  This is in fact what the root of the Hindi word "Namaste" is.  I see that we are truly one, and I honor this unity.

You could think of a third force in addition to the two above, a neutral force.  This is referred to as "the observer", "the ether",  etc.  It is a state of potential, of simply being and allowing.  It provides the framework that lets harmonization occur, where "the observer becomes the observed", as Krishnamurthi said.

So then, given this state of the universe, how do we experience this oneness?  How do we know Self, and truly experience the joys of the interconnection with all aspects of life?  According to Gandhi, "The ends are the means".  As superficial as it sounds, it is good to ask yourself how you would act if you knew the truths above in every aspect of your being.  Would you still look for the same distractions?  Would you not look in the eyes of those surrounding you in life?  Would you still have the same short, shallow breath through much of your day that keeps you from experiencing what is actually going on in the present moment? 

There is no substitute for experience, and the greatest lessons are always obtained by completely being present in life, without any escapes or attempts to be anywhere else but Here or Now.  When disconnections have been built, it is of course natural that the first experiences would be painful, but this is nothing more than an awakening of awareness.  And it is through awareness – being fully and utterly conscious of Self and others in their completeness – that Love is manifested on this Earth.  Is this not what we all wish to bring?

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You cannot love another more than you love yourself.

A man decides he is in love with a woman and wants to build a future together.   Wanting to demonstrate this, he showers her with gifts and wants to spend every waking moment outside of work with her.   He makes her wishes ultra-important and always makes sure to do whatever it is she wants, putting aside his own desires.   He has decided love is to be expressed through sacrifice.   To pay the extra bills, he keeps at a job he doesn't like much, and gives up dreams he has of alternate careers.  While this feels very flattering at first, after some time the woman feels this sacrifice like a weight on her shoulders.   He has given up large aspects of himself, which cannot help but create both a void in him that he hopes to fill via the woman and unspoken expectations that influence all interactions in the relationship.   After a time this accumulates into frustrations and arguments.   He has disconnected aspects of himself and assumed this is an action based in love.   In essence, he has tried to find Love through not loving himself, and then discovers the expression of this lack of unity from the voice of his partner.

Sit across from a partner and breathe calmly and deeply together as you look into each other's eyes.   Imagine yourself in a vast plain of grass and forests drenched in comforting sunlight, with all the space around you that you can possibly imagine.  Now bring every aspect of yourself to this place.      This includes all of your desires, your dreams, your frustrations, and even your defenses.   Let them take up all the room they could ever need without any expectation of change.  Your partner can do the same in their own mind.  Breathe deeply for a minute until this feels like a completely natural self-perpetuating state.

Now bring your partner into this place, which includes inviting all aspects of them into your space.  Invite their desires, their dreams, their frustrations, and yes, even their defenses.  Give them as much space as they could ever need.  Now allow both of you to interact in this space without trying to do anything.   Let your desires interact with theirs without conflict.  Even your defenses can interact.   Give it time and space.

With complete permission there is an encompassing transformation that occurs naturally, without effort.  There is no sacrifice, only expansion that comes from allowing a greater world you're your own.   Because their desires are as important as your own, the interaction helps you understand your own desires more clearly, and even grow towards grander dreams.   Oneness helps you move towards clarity with your own identity, rather than making you give it up.