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www.twitter.com/chantarose

I just finsihed writing a paper for Sociology. I had to answer/address the following question:



"Do you think low-wage factory’s of multi-national corporations represent exploitation or opportunity? Why?"



Once upon a time I would have just answered the damned question, but
no, now due to my philosophy and communications classes I began my
paper with this:



"Either/or questions in argumentative rhetoric like the one above force
a reader to think in terms of black and white, right and wrong, and in
this case opportunity or exploitation as if there was not an entire
world of thought soaked in gray to be considered. The false dilemma is
that there are only two possible answers and life is not that simple,
not for the factory workers, or for the multi-national corporations
that hire them."



Honestly, I could have written an essay on the fallacies in the
question alone. False dilemma, appeal to emotional belief, loaded
question, guilt by association, etc, etc.



After my opening paragraph I then went on to define the terms and
discuss cultural relativism to come out with a surprising essay, even
for myself.



I once read that going to college makes a person move from cocksure
ignorance (primary certituide) to questionable uncertainty on issues. I
am certainly experiencing this but in so many classes where so much
time is spent "unpacking" the meaning of a question we never really
answer any. This forces me to ask myself; does college create a world
of thinkers when really we need a world of doers? Did you notice, I
just committed all of the same fallacies as the question above. Fuck.

I am a little bit pissed at myself right now. Anyone who knows me knows
I hold myself to impossible high standards in almost all of what I do.



I just got back my Sociology Exam and I got 3 questions wrong in the
multiple choice section. Still an A=93% but I am so, so pissed at
myself. I was expecting 1 wrong, thus 98% as there was one question
that I flat out did not know the answer but the other two were both
things I knew, both things where I did not read the wording of the
question properly and therefore both silly errors that I should not
have made.



Yes, yes, an A is an A. Well that's one way to look at it, but at the
end of semester when the totals for all of the exams are added up that
7% on this exam that I fucked up could make a difference between an A
and an A-....and I don't think I would cope well with that. I signed up
to do an extra assignment worth 2% extra credit to help take the edge
off my fuck up and put me back in the high A range.



One thing I was happy with though was that I received a perfect score on the essay section.



I always thought I would prefer multiple choice to essay question style
exams but I had the same thing happen last week in philosophy. We had a
really confusingly worded essay exam with 4 arguments that needed to be
analyzed...and not analyzed for their truth but for their structure
(basically it's math). I was sure I had tanked it but I got a perfect
score! Woohoo!



I suppose I am better at esssays than mutltiple choice. Essays make you
take the time to think and collect your thoughts before putting pen to
paper. Multiple choice seems to be more of "process of elimination"
where one must be careful not to fall prey to trick wording.



Fingers crossed for my Nutrition results which I'll have on Monday.
Have to say I am very worried about that one as I know of 2 fuckups I
made...so there could be more I don't know about yet.

I just want to cry. It's been a hard couple of days...lots of little
things that now have my head feeling like it wants to explode and my
heart feeling as if it is breaking. It's times like these I lose my
will to live...which may sound like a strong statement but life can be
so damned hard at times and while I enjoy a big challenge, small things
can really hurt me.



Yesterday I was in a small car accident. I really don't know who's
fault it was but I do know it will raise my insurance and I was
literally 1 week away from getting the CA good driver discount (3 years
on a CA DL).



Last night I had vivid dreams that I was pregnant and that my husband
wanted to make me have an abortion and I wasn't sure what I wanted so I
ended up leaving him and was living in a depressing bedsit in the
sunset with my dog, pregnant and alone.



Multiple texts from staff and models at TF today about male sub being
crap. Shoot was ended after only 1 position. Stuff like this costs the
company, and therefore me directly thousands in wasted staff time,
model kills fees, the loss of an update, etc.



Today I had a debate in class where one of the people I was debating
(who hates immigration) played dirty against me. Normally it would not
bother me but I was already rattled.



While in school, the house alarm got set off. Probably by my next door
neighbor, which means a $200+ fine from the city just because she can't
understand she has to hit "motion off" when the dogs are home and
arming the alarm. Not a big deal except for everything else.



I'm going to cook Marty dinner now, and then cry in the bathtub for a
bit, while reminding myself I have a lot to be happy for and many
people do not.



It probably does not help that I have not taken my thyroid meds for almost 2 weeks.

The last week has included 3 mid-term exams...actually it was 3 in 5 days so i was a wee-bit (okay, a lot) stressed out!



I did not "ace" any of them. I never do. I always get 1 wrong, always,
always, always...and usually it's something dumb that I realize as soon
as I have turned in my exam. It kills me because I like to be
perfect...but Marty keeps telling me, an A is an A...and an A=4 on the
GPA which is what matters.



The hardest exam was Nutrition. Really fucking hard. Frustrating too.
The teacher put a couple of questions on the exam that were supposed to
be easy of things we did not cover in lecture and were not in the
textbook, you know, stuff I suppose we're just "supposed to know". This
really annoyed me, after the exam I asked her about one which had to do
with the minimum recommendation of whole grain in the grain portion of
your diet. She laughed, and said "oh, you know, the ads when you were
growing up that said make half your grain whole"...I looked at her and
said, no, I did not grow up in America and had never seen that slogan.
Thanks for the loss of 2% on my exam score. This is the only exam where
I am hoping for an A- and am really unsure of my grade, it could be
less. I could list every organ, muscle type and hormone secretion in
the Gastrointestinal tract and then there was only 2 questions about it
on the exam...I could have cried! Oh well. Already got results for
Psychology 96% and Sociology 98% though.



Okay, back to Philosophy homework....

Marty remembered that I had mentioned a few weeks ago that I had never
received a heart shaped box of chocolates before so on V-day he got me
one as well as some "orange juice" roses. They're mainly yellow with
dark orange highlights. He usually gets me "sunset roses" which are
more yellow and red but I just love orange lately so these are awesome.
We didn't have any reomantic dinner plans so we went to target to run
errands (puck up house supplies) and then ate at Sizzler!!! How funny
is that on V-day! My friends thought I was joking but I actually LOVE
Sizzler...mmm, malibu chicken!



I've been studying a lot this weekend as I have a psychology midterm on
Tuesday (tomorrow). Fairly certain I have it all memorized and am ready
to go. I also have a quiz on "semantics in rhetoric and critical
thinking" so now I have to start on the reading for that. I find that
for any quizzes in that class I need to do the reading 3-4 times to
fully understand and remember it all. The teacher believes in recursion
and expects us to do 3 readings, her quiz questions reflect that too,
thankfully, so far I have always been prepared and have been doing well
(touch wood).



Okay, back to the books.



Ciao.

I have been really tired for the last week. I suppose it does not help
that I had the flu and that San Francisco is so fucking cold right now,
like bitterly, get into your bones cold. As a result I have been "binge
sleeping".. getting up early on the day I have to, and any ither day,
sleeping late, well past 10 or 11am.



Just finished up my philosophy homework for this week. You know, I
thought I would really love my humanities classes and hate my science
classes but it is exactly the opposite. There's one class inparticular
that I had to fight really hard to get into and now I am in it I am not
enjoying it at all. I want the credit so I won't drop it but I do wish
we could move on from talking in riddles to some real argument and
debate.



Lots of buzz up here the last couple of days about all the lay off's at
Kink. Obviously, some of those people contacted me instantly. When my
phone starts buzzing with dozens of textx I know something big has just
happenend. It's a real shame how timing can determine everything. A
year ago I would have been thrilled to snap up several kink employees
and was feeling like I would never have any help in my company because
all of the good people worked there...but I was wrong. In that time I
have found several talented directors to help reduce my workload, and
they don't come with the ego of a kink employee. Regardless of why Kink
let so many people go, along with all other small companies, TF may
have some rough times ahead. Again, with the timing. A year ago sales
were on not just a steady rise but a steep one. Since then things have
changed, and I could not, with clear conscience offer someone a full
time position. The earth needs to be a little less shaky for all
companies  right now, even porn ones.



Take care,

Chanta

I have been noticing more on more (on blog's, etc) that people keep
saying that the result of prop 8 is because of hate. There's a lot of
"Do you love or hate?" propoganda, and a lot of "I am hated" from the
gay community, etc.



I just disagree. While I will acknowledge that there are those who hate
gays and lesbians and chose to vote for prop 8 as a result of their
hatred, I would argue that the majority did not (base their decision on
hatred). Feeling that marriage should be between a man and a woman is
an opinion of some people. It does not mean they are against gay and
lesbian relationships, they just have a different definition of what
marriage means. This could be because of the "do you want your children
to learn about gay marriage in schools" advertisements or it could be
for religious reasons, or maybe even because of procreation, who knows.
My point is that people are entitled to their thoughts and opinions on
the subject and voted based on that, not hatred. I actually know many
people who voted for prop 8 that live in SF, have gay friends, etc but
for whatever reasons strongly believed marriage should be between man
and wife only.



The bigger question of course then is civil rights. In the deep south
the majority of people once believed in the KKK but that did not mean
they were right, and their beliefs were founded from hate. Their
actions were a violation of civil and human rights against african
americans. In this situation, no amount of public vote should determine
what is law.



So, is the same thing happening here with Prop 8? No, not on the human
rights level. I do not feel that gay people fear for their lives, or
are denied drinking water, etc. On the civil rights level, possibly but
it is difficult to take as seriously as other civil rights violations
in history like certain groups not being permitted to vote,
segregation, etc, and thank goodness we are now in a time where gay
couples can be together, live together, etc without that act being
illegal.



What's my point? That it is damaging to the credibility of the gay
marriage movement for them to keep claiming that a) they are hated, and
b) that when someone makes a decision regarding gay marriage, if they
vote against it they are choosing hate. It just sounds too much like
George Bush saying if other countries are not with us they are our
enemy, etc. Life is not so black and white, and using tactics like that
do nothing but enflame.



Nancy Pelosi said it best in her commercial in regards to prop 8. She
said, (paraphrased) "You may believe marriage should be between a man
and a woman, but this issue is not about that, it is about civil
rights, and whether you should be able to tell someone what they can
and cannot do". This is way to go about change. Achknowledge people's
uncertainties and fears and then talk about the bigger issue of rights,
which should be the same for all.

I have woken up really angry today. Lots of negativity around me.



This happens sometimes when I get stressed about how much work/study,
etc I have to do...and then I do what women do, I start thinking about
shit things from months ago that made me angry then that I can't seem
to let go of and I get really, really foul tempered.



I'm going to make a cup of tea and some oatmeal and try to improve my
mood. I have a lot to do today and if I am angry all day i doubt much
of it will get done.

Hahahahaha! I received this text today from one of my staff in regards to male talent.



It seems that, as they are all scared of me or something, that whenever
they're worried that have upset me they contact him LOL, I am betting
he wishes never having given his number out!!!



It really is bizarre how insecure and needy male talent can be. They
let you know they're going to be in town and that they'd like to shoot
and when they get a "no" they immediately assume that I'm mad at them.
Um, no, it's just that we're not shooting that week, or maybe I've shot
you a lot and am sick of you for now, or anything else, who knows. What
I do know is do not spend my time sitting around thinking about male
talent LOL.



So to any male talent out there that may be reading this: Grow Up!!!
Seriously, stop being so PATHETIC. If I want to book you, I'll contact
you or your agent. If no one in the industry wants to book you maybe
you should find a new line of work.



Oh, and if you do manage to somehow get ahold of me on the phone and I
am politely saying "IF" I book you, it means, no, I probably won;t be
booking you so don;t nag me with emails and follow up calls telling me
how you'd be the greatest Dom ever on F&B because you're into it in
your real life. Dude, every guy who ever said that either sucked at it,
or could not get/keep his dick hard...and you're forgetting 1 thing
about being a great Dominant, there is an IQ prerequisite and it's
doubtful you're in the 5% of male talent that make the grade.