|
|
|
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
|
Once again, author/screenwriter Jonathan Bernstein and I rant about things we watched on flat panels! As always, this is mirrored at http://www.jonathanbernsteinbook.blogspot.com/
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!  
AMAs
CC: I watched this because I'm kind of obsessed with seeing if anybody's backup dancers are former SYTYCD contestants, and lo and behold, at the very end my eyes scoped out Courtney from season 4 dancing for Adam Lambert. Awesome. Was so delighted to see her that I almost didn't revel properly in the ridonkulousness of his performance, which included yanking on someone's vagina chain (who knew there was such a thing?) and then making out with the keyboard player, which all happened so fast I couldn't tell if the keyboard player was male or female, not that it mattered. Also, at one point during the show the camera showed someone who looked like if P. Diddy and Voldemort had a baby. If anybody knows who that was, hook a bitch up. By which I mean, please just tell me who that was, not actually hook me up, because see aforementioned note about Voldemort.
JB: Transgressive! Provocative! Electrifying! Adam Lambert was none of these things. What he was, was hellbent on being inaugurated as Lord Gaga. He flailed through that Big Cock Orgy like he'd just gobbled down two fistfuls of gay Ritalin ( to combat his GayDD!). JLo's living her career in reverse like Benjamin Button. Back when we were using dollar bills as Kleenex, she was all "Love Don't Cost A Thing'. Now we're eating day-old peanuts off the street and she's singing about expensive shoes. I'm going to nominate Kid Cudi as MVP solely based on him being the only one in a hallfull of whores with enough backbone to even slightly mock the stupid show.
Next Iron Chef
CC: Thank god Garces won. Mehta had a little too much of a maniacal "I might stab you in the eyeball if the ice cream machine doesn't work again" thing going on. Best quote of the night goes to Michael Symon for "If you're creative and you fail, are you creative or are you a failure?" Also, why does Jeffrey Steingarten have a piece of greenery hanging out of his mouth during EVERY shot of him? He looks like an old-timey cartoon brontosaurus.
JB: I am only dimly aware of this series but I am more brightly aware of the career of Mark Dacascos. I remember he had a shot as a capoiera Van Damme in a couple of big studio action movies. Then he was demoted into the world of low-budget cable kickboxing films. Things looked up when he took over the Brandon Lee role in the syndicated version of "The Crow". They looked down again for a while until his co-starring role in the French martial-arts werewolf art movie Brotherhood of the Wolf made him an actual box-office draw in Europe. And now he's the Chairman in Iron Chef. Which I don't really watch.
Friday Night Lights
CC: I can't even...I can't...this...aaaaagghhh! THIS WAS THE BEST EPISODE IN A LONG TIME. I wanna say EVER cuz I know it's close, but I can't guarantee that, and the only reason I can't is because this show is so fucking good like EVERY SINGLE TIME that it's practically impossible to separate anything out, but it's certainly the best ep so far this season. The gamut of emotions I ran in this ep went from :) to :)))) to :D to :O to *chills* to *more chills* to actual tears. I don't know how they do it. I don't know how these people do it, but I am so fucking glad they are doing it. This show owns me. THIS SHOW OWNS MY ASS. Basically it would be impossible for this show to rape me because I would willingly submit every single time.
JB: I think I'd have to be GHB'd because my attention was wandering during this ep. Except for the last five minutes. And the storyline with the little lesbian (was she in Landry's band at the end of last season? Seems like a different actress.) Oh, and Alicia Witt. The character's supposed to look all weathered and beat-up, right?
SNL
CC: Okay, I may be retroactively un-creaming myself slightly over Taylor Swift again, because THAT is how you host a show. I nearly died during Jack Johnson and the digital short and the triumphant return of What Up With That. I would want to become a celebrity just so I could be the random person sitting in that sketch and saying nothing. I would also like to go back in time and cast Joseph Gordon-Levitt in every single part that January Jones ever had, and that includes Random Skank in Love Actually, Random Bitch in Havana Nights, Willow’s sister in American Pie 3, and the thing Ashton Kutcher was banging ten years ago. Mad props, buddy. He must’ve been on crack when he did that monologue, and I mean that in the best of ways. He should really get together with Montell Jordan, go over to JJ’s house, and sing “This is How We Do It” in her face, but she probably wouldn’t get the reference.
JB: Anything musical worked this week (minus DMB, of course): Make Em Laugh, the Reba short, WUWT, Wilson Phillips breaking the tension at the end of Thanksgiving, Sussudio in Say Anything. I'd hold on to some of those stones you're throwing at the bloodied corpse of January Jones. Blake Lively is the next host. You'll need them...
X-Factor
JB: A nation mourned the end of an era as the Leprechauns O'Doom made their final appearance this week. But something smelled a little fishy about the final performance. Not the Wham! medley in the main show: that was well up to their usual standards. But when they found themselves in the bottom 2 and they had to sing for their lives in front of the judges, THIS happened:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsQBql7b-K8
Bear in mind: they're not singers. Singing is not what they do. Their rise to fame did not involve singing. Strong singing voices are not among their talents. I'm not in any danger of laboring the point here, am I? They're not singers and yet they willingly put themselves in that position? I call bullshit. But quietly. Not loud enough to bring them back...
CC: What the FUCK was that? I give myself 5 extra credit points for noticing that the piping color on their jackets was different. Other than that, I continue to be horrified...mystified...terrified... *cue What Up With That music*
VAMPIRE DIARIES
CC: Okay, my mind officially blown: they referenced both SYTYCD and Family Guy in like the first five minutes! HOW DELIGHTFUL! :D This show, by the way, is so much better than I thought it was gonna be (I'm a loyal Buffy fan so I was obligated to be skeptical at the beginning). But it has totally grown on me-- that thing last week where Stefan and Damon were being each other was hilarious.
JB: I will never be bored enough to watch this.
DWTS
CC: I didn't watch the intro segment so no idea if there's an explanatory backstory, but let me unleash my full dance show nerdery here and point out that parts of Dmitry & Mya's final freestyle routine were EXACT RETREADS of steps from Benji and Donyelle's routine to the same song on SYTYCD season 2. That is all. Wait. Mya won, right? No? Donny Osmond won? I never watched him so I forgot he was even on the show. God, remember when Marie Osmond was on the show? Yikes.
JB: Did you see Donyelle on America's Best Dance Crew acting like she was Joan of Arc? What up with that?
SYTYCD
CC: Well, it was better than last week, but still nothing along the lines of what I was feeling at this time during season 4 (loved seeing Katee assisting Tyce!). Legacy and Russell continue to make me smile. Kathryn and Ellenore are quite enjoyable. I really liked Sonya's first routine, I thought the can-can was stupid, and I hope that despite being of legal age, Mollee is not having sex, because she seriously has the look/attitude/behavior/personality/aura of an 8-year-old so whoever's banging her is a total perv. Cat Deeley continues to work wonders with self-styling. *shrug* That's about all I got. As a contrast, me writing this during season 4 would've gone something along the lines of "OMG JOSH KATEE MARK MARK MARK GEV CHELSIE MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH MARK!!!" *sigh*
JB: "This routine is about the invention of the telephone"? Sweet suffering Christ on the cross! Co-sign on the not feeling this season. They brought it back too soon and if they're going to do the same next year, I'd like to see an All-Stars Edition.
CC: Okay well now that you mentioned it, we MUST list our all-stars! That would be AWESOME! I would like to see me some: Travis, Danny, Hok, Mark, Gev, Josh, Chelsie, Katee, Pasha, Anya, Courtney and I would like to see them all doing a kick-ass Wade Robson routine that does not involve foxes. Maybe throw in Blake for some delicious bitchery. Maybe have Boomkack and Mia Michaels both show up and make people cry. This is already my favorite show ever. Somebody make this happen.
JB: I'll throw in Natalie the sexsational Greek from s2, Twitch, Kayla (or Payla as I would have referred to her if TV Club had existed last season), Heidi. In my mind, I've already cancelled the rest of this season. I'm watching this instead and it's awesome!
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Monday, November 23, 2009
|
So.
CSLA in Ontario, CA. It’s totally on the way to Vegas, so if you’re like
me, you’ve driven through but never stopped. I also hear they give the
bar exam at the very convention center I was in, which sounds like several
million nightmares piled into one and sprinkled with an extra dose of still
more nightmare. Anyway, we once again did LAYAPALOOZA for an audience of
some of the world’s most delightful people—LIBRARIANS!!! It was super
fun. Lots of people played games and won prizes and a good time was had
by all! Thank you to Mrs. Nelson’s bookstore (www.mrsnelsons.com) for handling our book
sales! Also, author Michael Reisman shot a bunch of ladies in the face
(and possibly one dude, I can’t quite remember). With an air bazooka,
people, what the hell did you think I meant? We YA authors like to have a
good time, but not THAT kind of good time. Except for Stephenie Meyer,
you KNOW that chick gets freaky. (Oh
shut up, I’m allowed to take random shots at her because she’s
laughing her way to the bank yet again with New Moon’s ridonk, record-shattering
box office. You should’ve seen the first
three versions of that sentence. Much naughtier.) *JAZZ HANDS*!
Anyway,
PLEASE NOTE that my next book signing will be in LOVELY ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN ON
DEC. 29th at 7pm at the downtown library! I will also be talking about
Family Guy and showing some clips from the show and raffling off PRIZES, so be
there or be lame! You won’t be lame
though, will you? Because EVERYBODY
LIKES FREE ITEMS!
Also,
here is another review of DUPLIKATE! Thanks Chelsea!
http://thepageflipper.blogspot.com/2009/11/duplikate-by-cherry-cheva.html
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Saturday, November 21, 2009
|
TV CLUB BARRELS ON! This despite total computer meltdowns and some mongo late nights at work. Because what's life without TV? And what's TV without complaining about it?
SNL
CC: Good lord, what a travesty. Taylor Swift, I hereby apologize for everything I said last week. And everything I may say in the future (might as well cover all bases).
JB: Jon Hamm is ruining January Jones' real and fictional life. His SNL debut last year was a triumph of almost Swiftian proportions. Remember Jon's Hamm's john ham? Remember his James Mason impression? Remember the Mad Men sketch where John Slattery and Elisabeth Moss appeared? That was the first time Elisabeth Moss met Fred Armisen and now they're married! So, not just a great appearance, a life-changing one. And what will we remember about JanJones? Most Desperately Unable To Salvage Monologue Ever and the Farting Grace Kelly Hall Of Famer.
Top Model
CC: Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!! HOW DID LAURA NOT WIN? HOW DID LAURA NOT WIN? *foot stomp* That's just wrong. WRONG! And what will her GRANDMA THINK? You suck, Tyra! Aaaaa! (I don't know why I'm so bummed since I watch every episode of this show on fast-forward except for the actual modeling segments, but still...come on. Laura. Should be the winner. On the other hand, last cycle's winner was Teyona, so that in and of itself pretty much explains where the judges' heads can sometimes be, which is crazyland.)
JB: Misdirection, thy name is Banks. The whole show was a prelude to a Laura win. She conquered dyslexia-- seriously, Lash Blast is the model Rural Juror-- she wept at the thought of Granny, she sailed down the runway, the judges swooned over her transformative abilities BUT NICOLE ATE LUNCH ALONE IN THE TOILET. And that touched something in Tyra who, lest we forget, was herself an awkward gangly insectoid teenage freak.What will fill the void in our lives until the next cycle? I have a suggestion. Go to your DVR, find BBC America, inch forward to Dec 1 and record the entire season--relax, it's only four episodes-- of Britain's Missing Top Model. That's right, disabled models. Disabled models declaring "I'm not here to make friends." The bitchy cripple ganging up on the deaf girl because `she's not really disabled'. A girl with a prosthetic arm getting drunk off her ass and hitting on one of the judges. I have seen this show and, once again, if I have to pay you actual American money to get you to watch it, I will. (Just to clarify: I won't)
Friday Night Lights
CC: Yes! The return of Buddy Garrity! I'm gonna have to get me an East Dillon T-shirt. I say this because I have a Dillon Football shirt and obviously that's an affiliation that's not gonna work for me anymore, just like it doesn't work for Buddy Garrity anymore, bless his sweaty, red-faced heart. LOVE HIM. Not so sure about this Saracen/ornery artist storyline, but I'll go with it. CANNOT STAND the chick who keeps asking Riggins for a ride to school, but again, I'll go with it, because the FNL people can do no wrong, and by do no wrong I mean they did a little bit wrong with that jacked-up season 2 murder storyline, but other than that, everything about this show is what's right and good in the world.
SYTYCD
CC: Bored now. *sigh* Thank you, Legacy's abs, for providing a bright spot in what otherwise is rapidly becoming an ongoing series of Tuesday night "meh"s. Except for Cat Deeley's super shiny dress! Loved that super-shiny dress. I have a theory that I might fit into her dresses because although she is way thinner, I am much shorter, so maybe it all works out, but obviously there will never be a way to test this theory. Look at this, I'm reduced to talking about the clothes on this show instead of the actual dancing, because that's how far we've fallen. Fuck! And I LOVE this show! I want to get excited about it! Do something, Nigel! I just checked his twitter and he said "It's a really good show tonight I think we're back on track?" No! You aren't! GET THERE!
JB: Let's look inside the mind of Shankman re Ryan and Ellenore: "She's a little odd and quirky. He's a roided-out behemoth. They shouldn't work, at first they didn't work but together they made magic. He grounds her, she makes him seem less of a lunkhead. It's Step Up 7! " Having said that...Team Legaryn!Vintage Lythgoe: telling MolNat they were suffering from Survivor's Guilt like they'd samba'd their way out of AuschwitzAlso, is reprobate becoming Cat's smize? (Oh, and nice Van Halen solo, Chloe from 24)
The Prisoner
JB: "Hey, we're remaking The Prisoner!"
"AWESOME! It's totally the right time to bring it back. That story was nowhere near done. So what happens this time? Are the two brothers in separate prisons and they have to escape and meet in the middle?" "That's Prison Break. Check this out: we've got Gandalf and The Christ! I mean, holy fuck, right? They're gonna have to rename the Emmys, the Prizzies!" "Hold up, wasn't The Prisoner that weirdo 60s show with that angry guy running around shouting at people? Wasn't it sort of camp and jokey?"
"No one's gonna laugh at our version. It's slow and meandering and really really boring. It's got Best Drama written all over it! See you at the Prizzies!"
Doctor Who: Waters Of Mars
JB: David Tennant may be about to hand over the keys to the Tardis and move on to become the next Hugh Laurie ( don't hold me to that in case it doesn't happen) but before he goes, he's going to act the shit out of every second of screen time he's got left. The story was some old tosh about water zombies taking over the crew of a Martian base but it was really an excuse for Tennant to go from Jovial and Boisterous toStoic to Compassionate to Action Guy to Arrogant Space Deity to Sniveling Fearful Death-Sensing Wreck to Feisty Smartass Ready To Go Out In A Blaze Of Glory. (You ever watch this, Cherry? You any sort of fan?If not, I recommend you get up to speed. There's only 47 years worth of episodes to plough through)
CC: The only thing I know about this show is that it is not Samantha Who? and also that it had a theme song and/or opening credits that as a child I found vaguely disturbing, and maybe Doctor Who *possibly* looks like David Bowie as Jareth in Labyrinth, or maybe I am totally making all of this up.
Misfits
JB: A motley crue of binge-drinking, drug-guzzling rampant UK shaggers get caught in a freak hailstorm and acquire budget-appropriate superpowers. One hears thoughts. One sees the future. One becomes invisible. One gets the ability to make guys squirt in their pants. Yup, it's Heroes-meets-Skins. The deal to do the watered-down, vice-free US remake was probably done by the time I finished the previous sentence. The good news about that: the CW will cast underwear models which will only be an improvement on the rough-looking Brits. The bad news about that: dialogue unlikely to include gems like "Ah'll kick yer so `ard in the coont yer moom'll feel it!"I might actually be imagining this show due to the amount of antibiotics I'm on since breaking my two front teeth earlier this week. No I'm not. It's real. Here's what it looks like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODl-kAhVsXY&feature=PlayList&p=3F67F57BE7F306D4&index=6&playnext=4&playnext_from=PL
X-Factor
JB: It was Queen week which meant one thing: an audience member yelled Fuck Off! at Dannii Minogue. It also meant that Cowell diverted attention from his status as Britain's Most Hated by declaring fatwa on Sting who had earlier accused the X of ruining music( go make another lute album, Sting, that'll turn things around)Oh, and this happened: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNYaLa3pHJMThis'll mean nothing to you but midway through,the stage is invaded by Scots-born electro-pop producer Calvin Harris who holds a pineapple on top of his head. The outraged UK media immediately forgot they hated Cowell and the Leprechauns O'Doom and instantly branded Harris Britain's Most Hated.
And in case you think this high-stakes competition is in any way pandering to the L.O'D and their particular skillset, next week's theme: The Music of Wham!
Tough Love
JB: "Hey, VH-1 here. Guess what, all you strippers, video vixens and shot girls we picked to share hot tubs and herpes sores with Bret Michaels these past few years: YOU'RE A BUNCH OF FUCKING WHORES!!!!! No man will ever want you. You're going to wind up barren alone and insane. Unless you sign up for our new matchmaking show Tough Love and get yelled at by some bug-eyed dude who only calls you a slut because he cares. Thanks. Bye"
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Sunday, November 15, 2009
|
Do you like YA authors who have their own theme song? Do you like free candy? Do you like games? Do you like PRIZES? Then come to the latest rendition of LAYAPALOOZA, this time throwing down at the California School Library Association Conference on Saturday, November 21st at noon! More info here:
http://blogs.myspace.com/loslayas
And here's another DupliKate review! Thank you Hope!
http://princess2293.blogspot.com/2009/11/duplikate-by-cherry-cheva.html
And here's my episode of Family Guy from last weekend!
http://www.hulu.com/watch/105845/Hannah+Banana
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Friday, November 13, 2009
|
And we're baaaaack! Anyone notice that me and Jonathan do this whenever we damn well please? Yeah. That's the schedule. The schedule is no schedule. Anyway, voila! As always, please note that this can also be found at
http://jonathanbernsteinbook.blogspot.com/
Project Runway
CC: So we're almost to the finale, and...zzzzzz oh my god, I'm so sorry to have fallen asleep when this is the most BORING SEASON OF THIS SHOW BY FAR. Christ. Do something. Do anything. If I had known earlier that getting a weird weak smile from Gordana when I saw her at the Emmys was going to be the most exciting moment of the whole season, I would've made more of it (like gone up to her instead of just staring) (just kidding, I never go up to celebrities, I'm far too shy...I was once at a bar with Alan Tudyk during the heyday of Firefly and I just stood there, right next to him, and said nothing like a dumbass). Tim Gunn still RULES, of course. LOVE YOU TIM!
JB: Carol Hannah: (photo of Carol Hannah)
Gizmo: (photo of Gizmo)
CC: HAHAHHAHAHA that rules. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to figure out how to get these pictures onto my blog, so if you're reading this on my blog not Jonathan's, just trust me that the above photo comparison of Carol Hannah to Gizmo from "Gremlins" is priceless.
Mad Men
CC: That was awesome.
JB: Wow. Don Draper a single man at the cusp of the sexual revolution. Betty stumbling blindly into the arms of another father figure she doesn't know, oblivious to the seething volcano of resentment and future dysfunction building up inside her daughter. Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. Roger and Joan working together again. Pete and Peggy sharing desks. Season 4, you have my account.
Saturday Night Live
JB: Least fast-forwardable show of the season courtesy of the delightful Taylor Swift. Funny how pop stars consistently turn out to be upper-echelon hosts: Timberlake, Britney, Christina Aguilera and now T-Swift. She's a multi-talent, a shining example to today's wayward youth and a good sport. (Please, Cherry, don't write a Family Guy episode poking cruel fun at an overachieving, somewhat self-satisfied, thin-voiced quasi-country singing beanpole called something like Whaler Spit. I forbid it. She's been through enough. Don't do it.)
CC: Okay, it is ridiculous how much the media is creaming themselves over her when she was, like, competent at best. She was no JT. She wasn't even ScarJo in "Fly High Duluth." I won't say that she can't sing because that is obvious. I won't say that she was completely unnecessary in that prison sketch that everybody just watches to see how soon Kenan will cause Hader to crack, because that is obvious. I will say that she is a weird giantess whose sheer height fucked up that roommate sketch because the sight of her wrapping her spindly arms around the much-smaller Nasim Pedrad made it so they didn't look like roommates, but more like a praying mantis trapping and eating an ant. You're two feet taller than Kanye, Taylor, next time just take him down right in the moment and we can all move on much faster.
JB: Sorry, couldn't read that last bit. Something in my eye. I think it's cream.
The Wanda Sykes Show
JB: Fox is notoriously the home of the two worst late night talk show hosts in the history of history, Chevy Chase and Magic Johnson but now they've hired Wanda Sykes who is unfailingly funny and smart and... THE STREAK CONTINUES!!! Endless, wooden monologue, nowhere near as memorable as Taylor's `La la la ha ha ha' (Don't mock her! I'm adamant!), a slow-motion joke-free Weekend Update xerox and then a 30 minute current affairs discussion with a liquored-up panel that included Phil Keoghan (sp) and Mary-Lynn Rajskub (sp) who interacted like they were sitting in the dentist's waiting room. Other than that, I LOVED IT!
The X-Factor
JB: The whole of the UK is up in arms about last week's show and by the whole of the UK, I mean the segment gorging itself senseless on an endless diet of celebrity trivia and brain-numbing trash, so...THE WHOLE OF THE UK IS UP IN ARMS OVER LAST WEEK'S SHOW! Here's why:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DJrGr9Pyrc
At the results show sing-off Simon Cowell had the power to vote these cheeky little leprechauns off the series. Instead, he caused their nearest competitor, a sweet but drippy Welsh girl to get the boot thus reducing her to floods of tears. The national outrage has been so demented that Cowell has been forced to schedule a presidential address on next week's show defending his reasons for keeping the evil twins around. And yet, last week had an even more surreal moment. An argument that I don't have the energy to explain-- it would make life so much easier if you would start Bit Torrenting the X (or do you have ethical objections?)--put Cowell in the position of having to defend Harmony Korine's movie Gummo.
CC: Jonathan, you have officially broken me. I kind of loved this. From the ridiculous headbopping at the beginning to the cheerful "Scary!" in the middle to the half-assed Thriller dance towards the end. I surrender. It's over. I'm in. I die. (TM Rachel Zoe)
Cats 101
CC: This show exists. It's on Animal Planet and basically it's just people talking about various different breeds of cats WHILE THEY SHOW CATS AND KITTENS OF THOSE BREEDS ROMPING AROUND. There is another show called Dogs 101. Same idea. If you like cute animals, you will go fucking nuts watching these shows. You're welcome.
Dancing with the Stars
CC: The only part of this show I watch is the actual dancing. And only if the couple contains a former contestant from SYTYCD. And only if it's a dance I like. I don't really watch this show.
SYTYCD
CC: Aw. My fave couple Legacy/Kathryn not that interesting this week. In fact, nobody that interesting this week. Hey, you know what was ESPECIALLY not interesting? Those clips where they tell us something America doesn't know about them and expect us to think it's some sort of big surprise. Wow, the really buff guy likes sports? REALLY? I NEVER WOULD'VE GUESSED. Actually you're right, I never would've guessed, because that guy is gay, even if he doesn't know it yet.
JB: I missed the majority of the this show because time stood still once Peter the soon-to-be-ex Last Tapper Standing revealed he coached a special needs dance troupe. I now have a new favorite dance competition that takes place in my head and I think you know what it is and i think you know who's in it. Let's just say the Hot Tamale Train has ramps...
Top Chef
CC: Wow. I never thought they would have anyone on the show as remotely annoying as Mr. Champion of the Belabored Metaphor himself, Toby Young. Congratulations, Nigella! What the FUCK with comparing flan to a 17th century courtesan thigh? Come on. This is food we're talking about. Don't force me to picture a jiggly white slab leading to an old-timey syphilis vag.
JB: Syphilis Vag was the name of my prize-winning show choir...no, wait, Syphilis Vag was the most loyal pet a man ever had...um...I still recall the summer vacations I spent in Syphilis Vag... feel free to chime in...
Top Model
JB: The Top 2wo are a
trifecta of firsts: first two tiny little people, first two redheads
(or gengies as we call them back in my home town of Glasgow, Scotland),
first two underdogs. I'm okay with whoever wins. What I'm not okay
with: Ann Shoket's face.
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
|
Do you want a free book and a free DVD? Do you want that book to be a signed copy of
DUPLIKATE and that DVD to be FAMILY GUY VOLUME 7? Then get thee to The Bookologist to enter to
win and also check out an interview with me!
http://the-bookologist.blogspot.com/
Are you salivating at the thought of the next installment of
me and Jonathan Bernstein’s TV Club?
Well, you should be, and if you’re not, you’re wrong, because take a
look at this review!
http://jamesgreerbooks.blogspot.com/2009/11/television.html
And here’s another DUPLIKATE review! Thanks Helen!
http://helenkiaya.blogspot.com/2009/11/duplikate.html
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Friday, November 06, 2009
|
Once again, author/screenwriter Jonathan Bernstein and I watch TV and email each other about it! This
recurring-when-we-happen-to-get-around-to-it absolute masterpiece of a column also appears at
his blog:
http://www.jonathanbernsteinbook.blogspot.com/
where
you can comment without signing in if you feel like commenting but have
no myspace. And now...TV Club part THREE! (side note: my latest
episode of FAMILY GUY airs this Sunday at 9pm and is called HANNAH
BANANA!)
So You Think You Can Dance
JB: Ryan and Ellenore, Legacy and Kathryn, Latin chick so hot she
makes Shankman re-assess his sexual orientation: I got love for all
y'all but you better move out the way or you're gonna get squashed
under the tween-fuelled Mollee and Nathan juggernaut. I also hail the
return of the deep-thinking artist that is Wade Robson. By an amazing
coincidence there used to be another choreographer named Wade Robson;
he even had own MTV show, `The Wade Robson Project', but that guy was
NOTHING like the one we now know. The goofy thing about Wade's Van Gogh
routine is, if he'd told the couple they'd be playing Space Invaders or
kernels of popcorn the routine would have been exactly the same.
Brilliant reverse psychology from Lythgoe. After last season's Katie
Holmes' fiasco, he's making it seem like procuring the services of
Paula Abdul is almost impossible. Dude, we could probably get Paula
Abdul to guest-blog here with the promise of a tap shoe filled with
Klonopin.
CC: Legacy/Kathryn is totally my stealth power couple. I
was all set to hate Legacy. Like, I'm totally obsessed with Russell,
who needs to be unshackled from Squeaky Voice McGee, stat, and I was
ambitiously trying to leap ahead of the masses and get in on the ground
floor with Victor Smalley, who I swear is this year's answer to Danny
from season 3, but then here come Legacy and Kathryn, killing it last
week and again this week. By the way, will someone please explain
Nathan's surprise stomach fat? He's such a pretty boy that I totally
thought he would have a sixpack and instead he's veering much closer to
Kasprzak territory.
Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew
JB: You know the biggest enemy of the
semen-stained wretches checking in at the camera-shy doc's Pasadena
hellohole? It's not the internet. It's not their neglectful parents.
It's HD! I have never seen such a brutal parade of adult acne. There
isn't an inmate whose skin doesn't look like the surface of Mars.
Except for lovely swimsuit model, Amber Smith, veteran of Celebrity
Rehab and Sober House. She's rotting on the inside.
V
JB: Meh, except for Morena Baccarin. And speaking of freakish, lizard-skinned alien women:
Tabatha's Salon Takeover:
JB:
The Real Housewives, Rachel Zoe, Jackie Warner, Kathy Griffin and now
this addition to Bravo's gallery of grotesques. John Waters can die
happy knowing someone's carrying on the proud tradition he started in
the 70s. Seriously, once Tabatha's done reducing stylists to tears and
IBS, she needs to start hunting down inept Australian plastic surgeons,
starting with the one who did THAT to her face.
Mad Men
JB: Remember that show American Dreams? Set in the 60s?
Suburban American family learning valuable lessons as significant
historical events unfold around them. Lots of montages set to `The
Times They Are A-Changing'. Desperately sappy. The JFK episode was the
first, and hopefully last, time Mad Men made me think of that series.
In more exciting news, one of the unemployed actors from my gym finally
got a job! He played the bandleader at Roger Sterling's bridezilla
daughter's wedding.
CC: Oh no, JFK died. Blah blah blah blah blah
MORE JOAN AND ROGER PLZKTHX. I didn't even get into this show until
this year and I basically want to put John Slattery in a box and just
watch him do mundane stuff, like order food off menus. AWESOME
TRIVIA: he and January Jones were both in Dirty Dancing 2: Havana
Nights, which I know because I may or may not have seen it in the
theater opening weekend, by which I mean I totally saw it in the
theater opening weekend.
JB: EVEN MORE AWESOME TRIVIA. I wrote the
first draft of Havana Nights when it was supposed to star Ricky Martin
and Natalie Portman. The script was, obviously, spectacular but there
were creative differences with the studio who failed to get behind my
artistic vision of filling every page with gay jokes about the leading
man.
X Factor
JB: In Britain, this show gets an
audience of upward of 15 million. At 8pm on a Saturday night. (The UK
version of Dancing With The Stars is opposite. It comes close to 11
million. That's actually more people than there are in the entire
country since swine flu). Let's watch the most popular act:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?..v=QsUdK4BuaYw
And next week, they do the Ghostbusters theme!
CC:
Why have I not learned my lesson yet about clicking on these links you
keep sending me with these two douches? My eyes, they must be gouged
out. Now. *runs off to gouge*
Top Model
CC: On the one hand, I enjoy when they get a legit
model to come in and give legit advice. On the other hand, it was
Marisa Miller, who is hot or whatever, but also incredibly boring and
has a bizarre boob-to-arm-fat ratio happening. Like, there should
really be more arm fat on a person with that much boob. The whole
effect is just disconcerting. You agree, don't you, all the boys who
keep buying her SI swimsuit issues? No? Just me? Backwoods Bundchen
(TM JB) FTW still!
JB: This boob/arm paradox intrigues me [rewatches
in slo-mo,forwards frame-by-frame,fast-forwards to the bit where the
mod-ettes jump in the water and then roll around in the sand,rewinds]
Can't be certain. More research required.
Friday Night Lights
CC: I can't even fucking deal with how much
I love this show. I seriously practically cried when Landry said the
first "can't lose" during the season premiere. Everyone who does not
love this show deserves to be shot in the face.
JB: I heart it too,
fellow DirecTV customer. The East Dillon storyline is awesome and makes
Saint Tami into a bit of a turd. Really wish they'd have found a way to
give Saracen a happy ending and write him out. Having him hanging
around makes my heart hurt. L'chaim to Riggins and Landry on the event
of their upcoming disastrous relationships.
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Sunday, November 01, 2009
|
Are you a librarian?
Are you in California? Are you a
librarian going to the California School Library Association conference on Nov.
21st? Then GET READY, because
we Los Angeles YA authors are gonna be there, and we are bringing our
LAYAPALOOZA game show with us! Once
again, we’ll SING! Once again, we’ll
have PRIZES! Once again, you want to
come see us because we are, every last one of us, ridiculously charming,
hilarious, good-looking and talented at writing books okay but mostly see that
previous thing about PRIZES! More info as
it surfaces. *mysterious* *but fun!*
And here are more DUPLIKATE reviews! Thanks to Zoe, Katie, Tirzah, and the Bookologist! And a review in which SHE'S SO MONEY gets an
A+! Thank you Justine for the grade that
makes the hearts of Asian parents sing!
And thank you Genevieve for the groovy VIDEO review!
http://booksaregolden.blogspot.com/2009/10/duplikate-by-cherry-cheva.html
http://katiesbookblog-katie.blogspot.com/2009/10/duplikate.html
http://www.thecompulsivereader.com/2009/10/duplikate-by-cherry-cheva.html
http://the-bookologist.blogspot.com/2009/10/duplikate-by-cherry-cheva.html
http://abookfulofthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/10/review-shes-so-money-by-cherry-cheva.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0eVkVzXFsg
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Thursday, October 22, 2009
|
Okay,
I’m not saying that Ben Esch and Brenda Woods and I kicked ass at the downtown
library during the LAYAs Teen Read Week extravaganza yesterday, except that we
totally kicked ass at the downtown library during the LAYAs Teen Read Week
extravaganza yesterday. This is due to the SHEER AWESOMENESS that was
our librarian-in-charge, Rachel, who is not only a ROCK STAR, a snazzy dresser,
and a GREAT librarian, but also baked brownies and chocolate spice cookies,
which totally enhanced the GRAND TIME BEING HAD BY ALL! Ben read from Sophomore Undercover, Brenda
read from Emako Blue, and I read from She’s So Money, and there were lots of cool
questions from the audience, and we watched some Family Guy, and it was
all-around fantabulousness (ESPECIALLY for the kids who won prizes—free Guitar
Hero, anyone?). By the way, the
Teenscape section of the downtown library is itself worthy of writeup...it has
tons of computers, books, manga, bean bag chairs, and a huge TV, and just
generally is a place where you could comfortably and happily spend large quantities of time. So HOORAY FOR TEEN
READ WEEK!!! Which is STILL GOING
ON! So read some YA, dammit, and if you
want some *free* YA, allow me to again pimp out the two DUPLIKATE contests going
on right now!
http://www.chicklitteens.com/2009/10/birthday-extravaganza-cherry-cheva.html
http://teens.freebookfriday.com/
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Saturday, October 17, 2009
|
On Tuesday afternoon, the LAYAs are celebrating
Teen Read Week by hitting up the LA libraries and hitting them HARD!
Proof here: http://blogs.myspace.com/loslayas
So pick a branch and come see us! I'll be downtown with Ben Esch, Brenda Woods, and brownies!
Also,
the internets are currently providing MANY (by which I mean SIX)
chances to win a signed copy of DUPLIKATE! Check them out at Free Book
Friday and Chick Lit Teens! Please note that both these contests are
run by women named Jessica. Coincidence? Or proof that Jessicas
RULE? Thanks guys!
http://teens.freebookfriday.com/ http://www.chicklitteens.com/2009/10/birthday-extravaganza-cherry-cheva.html
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|