This weeks Funny Friday is just more random silliness..

for your Entertainment...

I hope you enjoy..

and

Have a great weekend..

So, Shall we begin???

Please Help yourself :

And now -for some

COMPLETE & UTTER NONSENSE

The best remote known to mankind!!

(or at least, to the men anyways)

ANYONE HUNGRY????????????

IT WAS:

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Ok-So Let's ck in with how the kiddies are doing in school-so far:

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If you need a good laugh, read through these children's science exam answers!

Kids Science Exam

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between th e Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)

A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)

A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'

A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

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ONLY IN TEXAS

Only a person in Texas could think of this....from the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.

Recently, a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin, Texas. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar apparently so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night), flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes, as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station, this breathalyzer equipment must be broken".

"I doubt it", said the truly proud Redneck with a smile. "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy".

Only in Texas .....

Restroom Walls HUMOR

Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.

Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE.

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Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"

Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia.

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No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.

Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

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Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married!

Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana

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A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.

Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas Express Lane:

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Five beers or less!

Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA

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No wonder you always go home alone.

Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA

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The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.

Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

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Beauty is only a light switch away.

Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.

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If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.

Armand's Pizza, Washington, DC

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God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?

The Irish Times, Washington, DC

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It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, Arizona.

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If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

Revolution Books, New York, New York

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Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.

Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

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What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.

---Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, KY

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Political Korner::

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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TIP OF THE DAY ~

Just so you know:::::for future Reference Guys

There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy

One is to take her shopping.

The rest is 69.

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Well, I started out with nothing & still have most of it left~

hope U Enjoyed!~

Toot a loo!!~

MUAH!~

love ya'll cg ;P

Hi Everyone!  

I know, This week's FF is late, I did one.

YAYAY!!

~I was in the middle of doing this last night,when along came bad weather, which in turn caused CP issues and errors, so it couldn't be helped.

So, Without further ado: LET US:

Shall We?

* * * * * * * 

 Only in America

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

look-a-likes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SMARTEST DUMBASS OF THE WEEK 

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

 DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

 HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

 

FUNNY ASS

PIC OF THE WEEK

 

Useless Joke of the Day:

(and NO, I don't mean the pic above)

A Girl Named Lorraine

 There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous. He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing,

"I can see Clearly Now,

Lorraine is gone!"

*******************

SOMEHOW

Holy Moses

 George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair.

The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "YES, I AM!"

George W. asked him why he was so uppity and had taken so long to answer him. The man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up stuck in a desert for forty years!

TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND

DIRTY IN GOLF BUT, AREN'T :

10. Nuts...my shaft is bent.

 9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

7. Look at the size of his putter.

6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

5. Mind if I join your threesome?

4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.

3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.

And the number 1 thing

that sounds dirty in golf but isn't:

1. Hold up...

I need to wash my balls first.

 

AND

With that, I bid u farewell.

Enjoy your weekend~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~  ~ ~ ~  

NOTE:

I'll be back in awhile to respond,

to any comments later this evening.

I just wanted to get this out there

b4 its too late......

 love ya'll!~

cg MUAH~

 

* * * * * * * * * *

SAY GOODNIGHT

Dreams partake my mind

Taken me Away,

Another place,

Another Time-

Envisioned,

~ beneath the control,

of

Deviance and Truth.

Concepted, is the Knowledge

of what may be, and what will not

Surely, takes away from the plot.

Insightful, is the key to your path

No need to do the math

Complete is the wrath

Of your soul.....

Felt, Scorched and burnt to a crisp.

Are the Reasons,

of

what you missed,

And the Hope,

Sometimes Fades,

Invades,

As It Parades~

~ thru your Mind-

Entwined-

In a chorus of Song

of everything

which went wrong-

that was Said-

goes ON

In your head-

So Dead-

Unsaid,

Are the Words ~

That took place.

Another Time,

Another Space-

Is your Dream.....

.... It Seems,

So Just Say Good Night! ~

~ ~ .. ~ ~

(don't worry, I"m fine) Thanks!

just sharing in a moment, that's all..

Hello Everybody!

WTF????



I hope the week has been good to you, all. I know I missed last week's FF but, I have it covered this week. We got alot to cover this Funny Friday so without further ado, let's do this thang!

~Enjoy!!~

*************
some office humor-







The Good News First

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat...

Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today"

Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."

Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?"

Says She: "Well, the air bag works..."

**********


***********

The Mistress

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

"Oh" replies the husband, "that was my mistress." "That's it," says the wife, "I want a divorce."

"Ok," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a divorce there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But, the decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who is that woman with Jim?" she asks.

"That's his mistress," replies her husband. "Ours is much better looking." says the wife.

***********

**************

Not The Husband

After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation."

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*******************

POLITICAL KORNER

******************

10 Reasons NOT to Jog

1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the heck she is.

2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

4. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

5. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

10. I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

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*******************

Marriage Quotes By Men

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
 
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend:

'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out..'



Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

LOOK A LIKES

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Female Laws To Live By

The female always make the rules.

The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

No male can possibly know all the rules.

If the female suspects the male knows the rules she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

The female is never wrong.

If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.

The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

The female may change her mind at any time.

*******************



The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.

The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry and/or upset.

The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.

The male is expected to mind read at all times.

The female is ready when she is ready.

The male must be ready at all times.

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how about you?

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Well, that's all my friends!

I hope you have a relaxing and enjoyable weekend....

Relax and kick back !~

love ya'll~cg

 

at The wrong house!

~Apparently, this Stork had the RIGHT idea,

~WRONG execution!..

As it seems, not everyone should have a baby.

I mean, take for instance, this morning. Bad enough that it is a Monday, grant it!  Sh*t Flies on Mondays. There I am sitting at my sons work waiting on him-minding my own bizness-and there She was in all her glory. 

Definitely NOT, Mother of the Year.

So, Anyways, there I am just hangin' out and too much of the dismay of my ears....There is a sudden screeching, screaming, annoying noise, coming from this SUV sitting kinda katy-korner of where I am parked.

I look up only to be alarmed by a busload full of kids and a woman, all shoved inside....She probably was around in her late 20's-early 30's and, from what I could tell, there was a baby crying non-stop inside, some kids in the very back and, a young boy, maybe around 7 or 8 years old, sitting in the back seat, with another child in the other seat next to him. It was All yelling and All crazy up in there..

Anyways, this little boy wasn't buckled in-(not sure if he ever was-who knows?) sticking his head out the window, waving and saying hi to ppl going by.

I guess, he either knew the people or he was just being friendly. Hopefully, he knew them cuz, now-a-days, Unfortunately, we have to teach our children, not to be so forward and friendly, to complete strangers. Its just not safe and it sux. Although, I don't think this woman taught him that, nor much else for that matter.

Ok, so I play it off and don't think much more about it. So be it! Whatever! AND THEN - this woman screams back at the boy, to "SIT THE FUCK DOWN, YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER" -"STOP BEING A LITTLE BITCH"-and THEN, SHE proceeds to reach to hit him on his head. 

She, however, couldn't reach him. So, He Laughs!

(I use her, exact words, so as to give you the full effect of what I heard-and this goes on several times in that time period-UGH!!!!~  and I'm getting psst myself.)  

The little baby is now, adding fuel to the fire, cuz now, she/he is crying even louder than before, and all the kids in the very back start to whine louder and start hitting each other as well.  He (the boy) starts jumping around in the back seat, hitting and kicking, the chair the lady (the moma) is in-and tells her to *SHUT-UP!!

 *MIND YOU NOW:

THIS goes ON for the entire time, that I'm sitting there for about at least, maybe, 15 0r 20 more minutes. 

I'm starting to get a case of the ass, now.....for reals!!~How I didn't become unglued from my own chair and jump that woman's ass, is beyond me.  I guess, it wouldn't of helped much me, unleashing, myself as a complete lunatic on her like I wanted to, and I wanted not to have to deal with such crap so early on a Monday Morning, After all, it really wasn't any of my bizness, how she treated her kids..but, I couldn't help but think there was something more I should have done. 

I wish I had had a cell phone, I would have called somebody-on her butt, but-I'm not that vindictive as that to do that, cuz, I know how it sux to have CPS on your behind. And really, how much did I really know of this family? Although, she yelled at the child non-stop for a half an hour, doesn't justify the fact that she hits him, or anything worse, behind closed doors...IDK that-SO-I did nothing? Besides, it would have been my word against hers, if the police were to come there.

Was I wrong in not doing so?

Was  I assuming too much into thinking that this was a form of abuse, and that this little boy didn't deserve to be talked to like this? I mean, obviously, he is a bad boy with bad behavior for a reason?

Could it be that all the reasons of why he is like that, is because of the way he is dealt with, probably on a daily basis, that effects him to the point of no return, and produces a future, "menace to society"?  Is he doomed to be a hardened criminal one day because, of how he is treated now? How does this kind of abuse effect a child? Is it even "abuse"?

Do bad kids really turn out to be "bad adults" and does it end up turning them out, only to repeat the cycle of "violence" again in the family, and/or make them become "repeat offenders" of society? 

ARE THEY FOREVER DOOMED? 

Is it too late to get them some help while their young? How late is too late? If he were to become a part of the "foster care system" by the hands of someone calling on the family one day; 

Would it help, hinder or confuse the child even more to become even worse?  What if the so called-"foster care", group home" etc....ends up turning them out to be worse than before?

If you don't know how to care for a child then, by all means-STOP having them. Why keep having 5, 6, 10 kids, when you can barely, handle and care for one? If you don't have the patience, the will-power and the consistent discipline it takes to raise a child with, common decency and respect, then-by all means-make your way to the CPS office, the police station yourself...Give them up for adoption, and maybe, they will have a decent chance at a good life. Hell, I was adopted. I didn't turn out half bad....

Its at least a better chance at a good upbringing and some basic learning skills to help them grow and be better ppl. Maybe, not!  IDK. But, MOST definitely, Don't keep terriozing and treating them like dogs. Its' one thing to lose your kool sometimes, and go ape sh*t on them...because, your 2 yr old spilled finger paint on the rug. Its quite another to be down right abusive.

 STOP THE ABUSE!!~

Wheter it be Physical, Emotional, Sexual, or Mental; It all is the cause of their Dim dimise into a life full of failure, and criminal activity, if they don't get some HELP!!!! be it the parents and/or the child or both.. 

BE AWARE of Who watches your kids...ALWAYS!!!!

Get to calling to some Agencies, Counseling, Parenting Classes-or Something, before it is too late for those who need it...

It is out there for those who need it,

and for those WHO ASK!!!!

*and that's all I got to say about that* -

(sry I'had to let that out) TY!~

********************************

I have listed a few agencies just for FYI!~

(maybe, they will help someone to help someone else)

STOP ABUSE 4 EVERYONE

TEEN & PARENT CRISIS HOTLINE

RAINN

CHILD ABUSE HOTLINE

ELDERLY ABUSE

 much love, Cg !~

So Hello Everyone!!~

How has your week been going? I Bet you're not anywhere's close to being as Thrilled that its Friday as I am? Ok, Maybe some of you are...AND if so, THEN, this week's FunnyFriday will be just what you need that will allow you to take it all in and blow that sh*t out!!!

It's all good in the hood!!~

This week-we lost a most awesome comedian-George Carlin!~( I have put together a playlist-to Share in some of his most wonderful humor. May he RIP!!~Now then, ~Release Your Stress and Have you some FUNNY FUN at CG'Z!!~ and.................. AS MY GYRL PAM WOULD SAY:

GET READY TO LYBFBO!!~

TRUST ME!~ It's all Just Complete and Utter Nonsense!!~Why? Because, I can and Its what I do. There will be no main adgenda. No Direction. No Game Plan. All Just pure and Unruly Reckless Fun.....So Live Life to the Fullest & Enjoy!!~and Oh, btw...Have a blast for the Upcoming 4th of July. I'm not sure I"m going to have a FF next week...but, I'll ck it out....love ya'll!

~Send me Sum Love! I crave it.

I"d love to hear from you all....

Later!!~MUAH~

OK now,

I Hope you all are ready for this?
Cuz, IT'S going to get CRAZZZZZY UP IN HERE!!~

**********************************************

JUST IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING WHEN YOU HIT:

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
..........................................................

FROM THIS POINT ON

NOTHING

WILL MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL:

EGG DONOR:
One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.

"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.

"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"

"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."

*****************************************

HAVE YOU BEEN FOOLING AROUND ON ME???

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."

Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time".

**************************

WHO IS HE ?

After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation."

***********************************************

MEN THINKING

-VS-

WOMEN THINKING

AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT, NEITHER?

************************************

In case you think you ARE :

20 YEARS IN PRISON:

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.

She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband,
crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked him. "Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."

Baffled, she said, "yes, I remember. So?"

"Well...I would have gotten out today!"

********************************************


BEST BABY PICS:

SOMEHOW, I DON'T THINK HE'S FEELING IT!!~

GET IT GYRLFRIEND!!!~do the do!!~

******************************

I just thought you should know:

*****************************

THERE'S ONE IN EVERY OFFICE!!~

SOME THINGS CANNOT BE UNSEEN

 

Go AHEAD~

HAVE A COOKIE!!!~

************************************************************

AND NEITHER, DID THIS BLOG!!~

THANKS FOR THE READ, YA'LL!~

I HOPE YOU HAVE HAD SOME GOOD CHUCKLES WITH ME and Carlin Today!~

AND ......

JUST REMEMBER THIS:

In the light of all things Good and Wonderful~

cuz sometimes, its all you get!!!~ lol

later-

Chortegyrl~

Hi Everyone!~

I had a few extra moments to visit so, I had been thinking of a little something I've been wanting to blog on real quick with you all.   Ok-so here's the deal.....




You know when your messaging ppl and after you click send..it goes to the page that has all these hot men and women you can do in ur area code?

well, I've been seeing this alot lately and I guess, I hadn't really noticed it before..but, I just wondered EXACTLY where in the hell are this folks in my town..   I mean, I've lived in the same area all my life..and have I never seen these hotties before....EVER!~

Trust Me-I may be an older woman.. but, I"m not dead yet..   I can still delight in looking and enjoying in some eye candy-let me assure you...   women and/or men alike it doesn't matter  ..(and no-I' don't roll that way. I just can appreciate a beautiful woman too!) don't fret!~   But with the flirt and fun-filled Chorte' that I am...I'm always revelling in the joys of ppl watching...that's about all I do though.   Besides...Its much safer!~   Quick Tip numero Uno~




So, my question to you is do you really think these ppl exist in your area?


Wheter or not, You may be interested, or not-doesn't matter.. I'm not asking anyone to have an affair or anything here.. but, if you WERE still single and-interested in having a online relationship..

Would this really be a route you would go by, just to meet hot singles??


I don't know about you.. but, I just don't think I could do it.    


My luck upon meeting anyone online for reals...
they would look nothing like these hotties.....



Unfortunately, I'd be meeting up with losers such as these: *SIGH*~


INTELLIGENT WHITE SELF-EMPLOYED MALE LOOKING TO SEX YOU UP!~


NOT MUCH MORE TO BE SAID!!~




TALL DARK AND STRONG MINDED MAN LOOKING FOR LOVE TO FIT IN MY BED OF EXPLOSIVE PLEASURES... LOVES SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL...COULD BE TAMED BY THE RIGHT WOMAN-ONLY AFTER TARGET PRACTICE THOUGH..



CHICK MAGNET: OMG!! Pleaaassseee NO Thank YOu! GOOD LAWD!!~
NOW, THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT~





JEEZ!!~I think I"d just Stick to:




Just playin!!~ (I have erotica I write for that) ;)) *(MUAH)
and plus, I don't do mullets well, either.. FOR I've just developed this new group..
I'm not just a participate -I'm the creator!~




AFTER ALL~ THIS JUST WOULDN'T BE FAIR TO DO TO ANYONE: 


LMAO!!~

Hey, I know I'm not no great hottie either but, -I would hope I'd beat these choices though...just sayin!~


I MEAN SOMETIMES, HAVING A HOT BODY ISN'T ALL THAT..U KNOW!~

OH WELL, I GUESS IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY:
EVERYONE SEES THINGS AND PPL DIFFERENTLY!~

BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER!~ (to each their own)





***********************************
HAVE A GREAT WEEK ya'll!~
hope u've enjoyed my moment of insanityl...
and hey, if nothing else- and u have no response to this..
just send more hot pics..the more the better....

Hey a gyrl gotta have her fun u know?  
I'm just a loca' chica' like that though!~LOL




MUAH~love ya'll!..
Chortegyrl!!~

Top Favorite Movies According to Chortegyrl~

These movies are in no particular order and they are a wide-variety of eclectic themes. I love them all, and I am sure there are many more, that I didn't get to mention, but I had to stop somewhere's.  I was getting carried away here. I started with only 20 as I was supposed to but, well-you see how many I posted.I was having way to much fun at it.

Links to the movies on Flixster.com are beneath the pics.

I am posting on both pages, just because-I have several friends on both that tagged me to do this..so, Enjoy!!~

*****************************

WEST SIDE STORY

One of my first Hispanic movies my mom let me watch.  I love alot of the old classic..

U can call me Old Skool, just don't call me Old!~

West Side Story

************************************

IMITATION OF LIFE

a brief look into how Chortegyrl grew up, being adopted into a white family and feeling misunderstood~this movie made me understand and realize what I was to be grateful for throughout my life-learning it at an early age.

Imitation of Life

*************************

BREAKFAST CLUB

of course, one of my all time favorite 80's movies ~back then, Judd Nelson was to die for.

The Breakfast Club

**********************************

ST. ELMO'S FIRE is another favorite~ I forgot to mentioned...with all the rat pack of that era....

.Judd Nelson, Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe

(be still my heart) and Demi Moore.

*******************************

ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA

An Awesome original classic not a whole lot of ppl know about with a all-star line up, to include Robert De' Niro, Robert Woods ~two part series~badd ass gangsta movie.

Once Upon a Time in America

****************************************

CRASH

An Academy Award Winner-kinda of slow at first but, with an explosive gripping plot that entertains the mind and intriques one's senses. Very Moving!~

Crash

*******************************

HANGING UP

this one really moves my heart as that Walter Mattheu being one of my favorite actors and this movie touched my heart of the storyline concering the father. I'm not one that much for tear-jerkers but, it got me-and reminded me alot of the slow demise of my father's death.

Hanging Up

*************************************

FRIED GREEN TOMATOES

of course, another fun favorite classic that is abit girly but, I still loved it and watch it every chance I get-

Fried Green Tomatoes

******************************

OLIVER & COMPANY

one of my most favorite cartoon movies of all times. I love the song in it " and I just can't help sharing it with my grand-daughters. We have the best time watching it. Uplifting and fun.

Oliver & Company

*****************************

AMERICAN BEAUTY

Oscar -winning classic that speaks of the American Dream gone rye. Dysfunctional, yet truth be told it is the eptimy of America's family. I even wrote a blog about it which u can find here.....

American Beauty

*****************************

THIEF OF HEARTS

my first big crush on the thief himself Richard B ~I thought he was the hottest thing since, slice bread at the time. Oh those sexy lips! ~of course,it is also one of CSI Miami's Horatio's first movies as well, which didn't do much for me then, but-still it was a good show.

Thief Of Hearts

********************************

SCARFACE

NEED I SAY ANYHING MORE!~

You already Know!~;)

Scarface

*******************************

CAPE FEAR

a re-make of the original with of one of my most favorite actors of all times, Robert De'Niro!~spell-binding and captivating, it speaks to one's physce like no other. Loved it!..

Cape Fear

*********************************

PRIMAL FEAR

starring Richard Gere and a cast of other awesome actors. This movie is a riveting suspense that gripps one by the boo boo and will blow your mind at the same time.

AWESOME movie!~

Primal Fear

********************************

GRUMPY OLD MEN

 I actually love one and two, of this movie. Anything with Walter Mattheu including the original "Odd Couple" with Jack Lemmons is aces in my book. LMAO everytime!

Grumpy Old Men

***************************

 

AMERICAN HISTORY X

this one spoke to the understanding of the criminal side of racism and how it all plays out in America's History. The other side of the coin to Malcom X in so many ways. Speaks volumes to ones misconceptions of how we percieve black & white cultures.

American History X

******************************

AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN

ah yes, another 80's favorite with the man "Richard Gere and my gyrl . Being raised around a military base-I so, can relate to the ideal of what once was, that a soldier man would come sweep a girl off her feet, and live happily ever after..

HEY it could happen! ~not likely, but it could.

An Officer and a Gentleman

****************************

URBAN COWBOY

John Travolta, cowboying up is my "first date" movie.  Bringing the "Texas Two-Step" into play that I just love to dance to -but, only with someone who can move it like him on the dance floor. Nothings' better than that. (well, some thing are-but, hey-we won't go there right now)

YEE-HAW!!~ ;)

Urban Cowboy

*******************************

MEN OF HONOR

Robert De'Niro and Cuba Gooding Jr. are both spectacular in this military Navy training movie. I love their chemistry on the screen as far as, the teacher and the student goes. Hardcore Excellence...at its finest.

Men of Honor

***************************************

FULL METAL JACKET

One of my most favorite military movies. I loved this movie and of course, Army Archer plays the perfect Villian Training Sgt. in this one that gets his coming to him..Yes, Indeed! Powerful and Explosive Movie, that will keep u on the edge of your seat.

Full Metal Jacket

*******************************

AT CLOSE RANGE

this one is an oldie, not many may have heard of before-but, its one of Sean Penn's first movies also starring, Christopher Walken. Reminded me alot of the back town families I lived around in Alabama and, it was just plain good.

At Close Range

******************************

DEAD PRESIDENTS

AWESOME MOVIE

with bank robbers, Vietnam and much much more. Loved it!~

Dead Presidents

******************************

9  1/2 WEEKS

My actual first SEXY movie, and what started all my naughtiness. It definitely, caused the curiosity in me to arouse my kitty. ha! (oops, did I just say that?) 

9 1/2 Weeks

PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES

John Candy & Steve Martin!~what else can I say but,A knock out of hilarious proportions..

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

***********************************

SLING BLADE

Billy BOB Thorton playing the physco for sure. He and the little boy have such the special connection..

I like the way they tawkkk!

Sling Blade

********************

AMERICAN ME

a personal Prision Favorite along with Blood In and Blood Out, another favorite I didn't mention. I'm a big sucker for crime and prison movies..

Good thing too! cuz, at least, this way-

I am on the right side of the bars..;)

American Me

********************************

FIELD OF DREAMS

ah, What more can I say about this movie except that it is a all-time favorite of mine.

I don't care how many times I watch it.

I love it more each time I see it.

Field of Dreams

****************************

LEGENDS OF THE FALL

loved this touching and moving tale with Brad Pitt, (and some other actors, which slip my mind at the moment)when he was at his finiest..LOVED the long hair look on him back then...Oh yes, those were the days...;)

Legends of the Fall

**************************

THE SHINING

Jack Nicholson is completely the Ultimate physco nut in this thriller. Classic and crazed, to say the least. Definitely one of my most horrific movies, I think I ever saw.

The Shining

***********************

WITNESS

loved it! watch it everytime it comes on.

Witness

**********************

CADDYSHACK

 funnier than all get out. All-star cast of Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield and Ted Knight..OMG!~LYFAO funny Indeed!~Everytime!!!

Caddyshack

*************************

ANY& ALL JERRY LEWIS & DEAN MARTIN MOVIES:

The Bellboy The Ladies Man The Errand Boy The Nutty Professor ....I love laughing to his zanieness....

I always have ever since I was a kid.

************************

Well, that's about it, FINALLY!!~I been needing to get that out there for some time now, ya'll. Hope u have at least, a few in common with me. I'm not so sure I will be posting a Funny Friday this week..however, I will more than likely, be re-posting a Memorial Day Blog, as I always do each year in honor of all the Veterans and those whom serve this great Nation!~I personally, want to say a HUGE Thank YOU & You know that you are all HEROS in my EYES!!~*MUAH!~love U!~

Now, I'm off to watch a few of these....

Thank God for DVD's yes?

I'll be back on in awhile to respond..and continue on my quest to read some more blogs, that I missed yesterday..Chk Ya'll Later!~*MUAH~cg

OK, EVERYONE!~

-I just knew the title would get you here...WOW!!~SEX does SELL!! Who knew??  LMAO!!~ Anyways, Just so you know, I am not one to write tips on dating and all that jazz. I figure , if you don't have it figured out-by now-You're pretty much doomed as it is. Nothing I could advise would really do you much good anyways....but, its fun trying...Since there has been so many new relationships evolving around here lately, and Summer is always a great time for dating and finding love and all, I'd like to try my hand at offering you any new and improved ways on: 

 "How to catch the next Big Fish"~if only in your dreams".

(ok, I just made that up  not that it makes any damn sense...I just write this stuff.) So, with that being said-I just thought that I would change up this week's Funny Friday'z to something a lil different.

Maybe it will help out. Maybe not!

Seeing how most of my friends here are either married, in a relationship or has some sort of life partner. I figured -why not have some fun with it for those who aren't as well. So, If you have something to add that might assist in A Love Connection ~Feel Free to share in the Comment section! ;)

PLEASE NOTE:

This is NOT a MAN BASHING BLOG.

I have tried to remain equal with the bashing...Thank You!

(oh, and btw....)

some of this is adult content humor

so, just grin and bear it-its all in good fun.

ts not to be taken seriously) just sayin!

So~Let's begin, YES??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five tips for a woman.....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to You.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other. 

Thks Connie!

*******************************

Love is .........

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE STATUE

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue.""What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room."Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk."Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

UH-OH!!!~PET NAMES:

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names."

Morris hung his head and whispered - "To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!"

Things to make you go "Oh, Boy!"

THE CURSE:

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BE AFRAID!  BE VERY AFRAID!!~

Ladiez,

sometimes you just have to help a homie out !~

 

Guys:

Just in case you're unsure about ~

 

WHAT ONCE WAS, IS NO MORE!!~

 

Especially these three Men:

*****************

Funny Marriage Names

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.

If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.

If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.

If Tuesday Weld married Hal March III, she'd be Tuesday March 3.

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.

If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.

If Jack Handy (SNL writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack Paar, then moved on to Stephen King, he'd be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.

If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

********************************************

 

just updated:

But wait! I just got these in from my sweet friend Beautiful Disaster that I have to share with you all! ENJOY!~and thanks gf!

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules:

'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************************

Marriage (Part II)


Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The h usband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

*****************************************

Marriage (Part III)


Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,
'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'

She says, 'I was in bed.'

'In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

*****************************************

Marriage (Part IV)


A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants
to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'


His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

*****************************************

 

 

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

*****************************************

God may have created man before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

 

Well, thats it folks...

I HOPE THIS MAKES UP FOR LAST WEEK.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND! drop me sum love-

*MUAH~

Chortegyrl!~

 

Well, its yet again another Funny Friday, my friends! I do so apologize for not doing one last week-I did mention in my last blog of why-and all that jazz...so, I hope you understand.

For the most part -all who missed me-dropped me a line or two-left a comment-or kudos-to let me know, I appreciate it and you.

Thanks So Much for that!

So, without further ado-

I give you this Week's Funny Friday!!

ENJOY!!~

******************

There's a little bit of everything here today!

**********************

 

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting that park every sunny day, for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each others' friendship.

One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, "Please don't be angry with me dear, but I am embarrassed. After all these years, what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can't."

The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for two full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says,

"How soon do you have to know?"

 

 

YOU DON'T SAY!!!~

Friendship is like peeing on yourself:

everyone can see it,

but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Hard work never killed anybody,

but why take a chance?

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

****************************

 

FISHING AND LOVE ???

When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.

Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither. And don't want to know how many other fish you caught.

In fishing you lie about the one that got away.

In loving you lie about the one you caught.

You can catch and release a fish. You don't have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum. Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

 

Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey.

I love you too!!"

Is it me or does this kid scare you too???!!~

(FUTURE CHRIS HANSEN GUEST)

NOW JUST WHY

would anyone do this?

just wondering???

*************************

******************************

 

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.

Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"

"Yup, shore am!"

"How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."

The bartender said,

"Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."

The proud Texas father said,

"Jest had him circumcised!"

*****************************

Monkey Organization

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys,all on different limbs at different levels. 

Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

 

AFTER THIS WEEKEND THIS WILL BE

MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY!!!~

THATS' ALL FOR THIS WEEK!~

JUST REMEMBER MY FRIENDS~

TAKE CARE!!

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND ALL!~

MUAH~

 

With Love ~

So to Combine the Two :

I give you This blog~

I hope You ENJOY in My JOY!






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK-SO HERE' GOES!!

First And Foremost!

TO SEE MY FAMILY AND CLOSEST FRIENDS SMILE W/LAUGHTER -
thus, why I do Funny Friday's around here_





THE GENUINE LOVE AND INNOCENCE OF MY KIDS & GRANDKIDS SMLING FACE!







THE SIMPLE JOYS OF LIFE
AS I REMEMBER IT






A SWEET *SMILE FROM THE HEART* ESPECIALLY WITH A ROSE!





(I love flowers) preferably Roses

SIR MONKEY





*Besos Amigo~



THE BEAUTY OF NATURE AND ALL ITS BLESSINGS!






I FIND JOY IN MY DREAMS!





A GOOD JOKE WITH CLARITY!






BEING ABLE TO EXERCISE MY RIGHT TO TELL SOMEONE ANNOYING TO ME





WITH A SMILE.....
(an old woman used to tell me-

And, When it calls for me to do so, I do! ;)



BEING ABLE TO SHOW LOVE IN EXPRESSING MYSELF TO MY FRIENDS BY MY INK:







FOR YOU!

The Day has been so Splendid!

Being My Friend and Giving me JOY!! ;)




love ya'll~ cg