So originally my rant of the day was gonna be about Crocs, the 'shoe' rather than the reptile (with whom I have no issue). I was going to go into this big spiel about how they are rubbish and just expensive flip flops that make your feet extra dirty and I was going to say how I thought that men especially shouldn't be seen dead in them, but then, whilst talking to my friend about them, I made a cardinal mistake...

I said that anyone who wore them was gay.




Well.. Then I have to explain that I didn't mean that anyone who wears them is instantly gonna start having sex with blokes, only that men who wear crocs are effeminate pansies who prefer talking about sex in the city to fighting, drinking and shagging or whatever else us manliest of manly men do.
I don't for a second believe that buying a pair of shoes will convert your sexual orientation and leave a guy slobbering about after cock like Gollum looking for a ring, just that perhaps anyone who will wear these rubber plimsolls will also probably think that the Miami Vice look is still cool (It's not)

Now don't believe me to be a gay basher, or a hater of anyone, most of my friends are gay (even if the majority of them don't know it, but hell, if you start talking about buying each other jumpers, talk of sucking each other off isn't far behind) but I'm sick of having to explain myself every time I use the term 'gay'.

So like Randall and the Porch Monkey, I'm taking the term back. A homosexual is a homosexual, good for them, you love who you love, but gay is gay and if something is a bit shit, a bit effeminate, then I'll call it bloody gay and I'll no longer explain myself.

'nuff said



ps - It should be worth noting that, as usual, I'm drunk as I write this. In fact, I'm always drunk when I write these things, so if I offended you by accident, chances are, you're pretty gay too.

I went into an arcade today to play on the fruit machines for 10 mins during my break, and a woman came up to me and gave me a free cake!! (bakewell tart), which was very nice of her.
Later today I went and gave blood, and got 2 free drinks, a packet of crisps and a couple of cheesy biscuits!!

Now I'm not tight or anything, but I'm just saying that if Blockbusters were to offer me a sandwich or something when I'm there, I might be tmpted to spend even more money there. If the people at WH Smiths were to bring me a cup of tea whilst I was reading their mags, perhaps I would be more inclined to buy something.

It would be all like Las Vegas lol

Comps baby!!  That would be money haha

10 weeks 'til the 57 mile bike race and I still haven't sat on a bike

I wish I could learn to play the piano.

I know you're never to old to learn something, but you can be too idle I'm afraid

Generally now, friday nights seem to be spent at home and not out at the pub etc. This is mostly down to one of several things....

(a) To save money.
(b) Everyone is out on a Saturday, no ones usually about on Fridays
(c) I can't be bothered.

So, although there's a chance that I'll be called up to go out in an hour or so, most likely this evening is gonna be spent drinking wine and playing XBox 360 whilst listening to the "Best of Rocky" soundtrack (I find I play better with it on)

Is it sad that I'm quite looking forward to it??

Add another one to the usual 'Don't call up ex girlfriends' or 'don't mistake your cupboard for the toilet' things not to do when you're drunk list. It should now include:

Don't get drunk and agree to do the London Brighton bike race. Especially if you (a) haven't ridden a bike in 18 years since you had two serious accidents in the space of a month and (b) have in no way trained for this.

It could be good for me I guess, and it does seem a waste to pay monthly for a gym that I only use once or twice a week, but whenever I use the bike at the gym I get a sore arse, which isn't a good sign.

I also hear that this tging could take 6 hours and start at about 8am. I don't like the sound of that, seems like a waste of a perfectly good sunday to me. I guess at least I'll have the rest of the day in Brighton, maybe play a spot of mini golf.

There should be some kind of alarm system for drunken behaviour. I hear that you can buy a mobile phone that won't let you use it if you are over the limit. This would be excellent, as I drunkenly call people up at 3 or 4 am all the time, and it's only a matter of time until I say something to someone or other that I'll really regret in the morning.

Or I could just stop getting so drunk I guess.....


Nah.

What is it with Blockbuster that every time I go in there I end up standing around whilst the halfwit working there takes 10 mins to look for my dvd or game or whatever to then tell me they can't find it??

This seems to happen to me about 50% of the times that I go in. Either that or they can't find the right code to whatever deal they have on at that moment so they can't scan it through.

Why don't I just go to another rental place? Because all the others closed down!! They all went bust because of BB's "low low prices"

Also, why do the studios insist on these rental versions with no extras?? Why the hell should I pay for these stripped down vanilla versions? They wonder why people download pirate copies? Half the reason I choose a dvd is the extras and if there are none well I may as well just download it.

Ah well, another World Cup over another dismal showing from England. Time now to look forward to other things and seeing as how I can't get my act together to organise my holiday so far all I really have to look forward to at the moment is the Reading Festival.

4 days of loud music, excessive living and sleeping in a tent. This year may be the last time we go after the shambles that was getting a ticket this year so we want this festival to be the best ever. In an effort to accomplish this I've been trying to get the best of everything. A nice 5 man tent (just for me lol) a decent airbed, I'm taking the car etc but it's just not enough, comfort is good, but we need some fun! So today I found out about the Wildswing.

This thing is like a 3 man catapult that fires water balloons 300 feet. It may well be the best toy ever! I can see myself firing this thing over trees at people and into the crowd. Should be a top laugh.

I am such a child

I decide that it's time I get up off my arse and put up some pics of mysaelf and maybe friends etc, then I realise I don't really have any. The best I could really find was a photo of me trying to dry hum Olive Oyl at Universal last year, which as you can imagine, is not really a pretty sight.

What was the point of me paying out over £150 for a bloody camera when I never use it? I guess it can just sit there with all the other stuff I buy and never use (I think Ive used my dvd recorder twice in as many months).

There maybe some pictures of me at work, being mean to kids or something like that lol. They always make good pictures.

I am in a foul mood today. I couldn't sleep last night because of the heat and everyone who has been into work so far has pissed me off. I doubt they've done anything wrong, but their mere existance annoys me.

I'm having trouble breathing, which I've put down to the weather but someone has suggested to me I may have Asthema, which would be ironic seeing as how I gave up smoking 6 months ago. I should go see a doctor anyway considering that I blacked out a few weeks ago. Oh well lol.

So I come on here this morning and there are a bucket load of friends requests for me from people I don't know. It turns out that some of these are linked to porn sites, which I'm sure my boss liked, some to bands, none to people that actually know me, or seemingly want to. Why don't these people just sod off?

At least the weather has cooled down a tad. Although there have been times lately when I wished it was snowing. What is it with fat women wearing tops that show their guts??  I'm not talking about women with little bellies, I'm on about big old Jabbas with massive old guts. Why would they think we want to see that? I may have just eaten!! Now I don't mind if you're fat, that's up to you, but I don't want to see it thanks.

And whilst I'm being mean to people who can't help it, I was looking in a local paper last week and there was a competition to be the "Face of Breathe" or whatever it is they're calling that crap hole in Dartford that used to be Zens. Some of these people looked like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle. Now again, I'm not saying it's not alright to be unattractive, and if everyone were as pretty as me life would be very boring lol. BUT if you have the kind of face that curdles milk DONT enter a modelling contest!! It makes sense

Celebrity X-Factor? Hmm... So generally I'm the first person to slag these things off, and I'm sure this show will be no exeption, I mean, my hatred of Rebecca L:oos should keep this blog filled for weeks and if the past is anything to go by, I won't be watching more than a few mins.

But....

Watching Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee sing Robbie Williams was quite a laugh! I doubt I'll be able to sit throught the whole thing, but I'll keep flicking over to it to see what everybody sings.

Unlike the Amazing Race, which is just a top, top show.  I generally watch it to see people have rows and stuff, but the show is gripping stuff, and you get to see lots of places around the world, better than a travel show if you ask me. It's On Living 2

I'll not however, be watching any of the Big Brother thing. What a pile of shit. The thing that annoys me about it is that it encroaches on my life even though I haven't watched 1 second of it. I know for instance that there is a guy with Tourettes (the only reason to watch), some woman was booted out for doing some code or something and there is some bloke who keeps trying to screw Miss Wales or something. It's not enough that it's on E4 about 20 hours a day, it's in all the papers people in the pub keep going on about it, even people at work. I can't escape it. I worry for this country if these people are the most entertaining we could come up with.