More and more today I see many people walking around so tensed and annoyed with themselves and sometimes even with others.  Take for instance John, who is so deeply troubled with himself, and is in search of God’s direction.

John:  My boss is so demanding and constantly repeats herself.  She’s okay as a person and supervisor, but I’m just not used to that type of a personality.  But while in my bible study group, I came to realize we are not all created in the same light, we are all different, and some have a more faithfulness in God and some are still trying to learn faithfulness.  I just wish one day my boss could attend my study group and see and feel all the differentness in all the so called “Same Created” people.  But, I guess in reality, what I’m looking for is an open and peaceful ear to hear me.  I need this open and peaceful ear to listen to me, help me hear my foes, and to help me hear myself, to understand just what it is I’m really feeling and saying.

Talking to a wall is not the same, but in a sense is on the same principle.  God will you listen to me?  Will you hear my prayers for inner self peace, inner self wholeness?  Tell me; am I seeing peace of mind and heart the way one is asked, or am I on the wrong track?  If in deed I am riding on a south bound train to hell, please hear me, when I ask for you’re direction, and God, please listen to me!  When I am able to bring myself to the line and say, “Please, will you listen to me,” she as a supervisor will hear me.  But until I take that first step, no one will hear me when I speak of feel.

See if today we had more people that may have taken that second look at their self, faithfulness in God and inner self peace, and how they see god as part of their life, most of these people could find the ways needed to overcome our need to seek out the direction for taking that first step.  Having a more faithfulness and peaceful life within one’s self we need not see first steps, we have this already instilled within us.

If you see or know of someone who seems out of direction, ask them when they last asked God, “Listen to me.”

Let’s all say a prayer for the many Johns in today, and maybe they will also turn to others to hear themselves say, “Listen to me, Please!”  When this time comes, Please, Listen to them.  Don’t say anything, but just listen, its more enriching and a lot easier to have someone listen to you rather than interrupt you with their little tid bits.  Remember, listen to me, Please!


This is a reprint of a an earlier writing I did in 1987.  I was just messing around with the writing bug.

The Blue Sky we see every day brings us the feelings of freedom.

The Blue Sky we fly; look up to, has brought the Air Force its code today.

We fly the Blue Sky, we see this Blue Sky.

We wear the Blue Sky every day when we don our Blue Sky uniform.

Those of us who wear the sky all believe in the great blue yonder.

Feelings of prestige, freedom and dedication are nothing to anyone who cannot see the beauty of blue.

Look up and see, feel the weightless feelings, grasp the hue.  See the birds in flight.  If that bird feels secure enough to fly the open sky, people in the Air Force can too.

We climb above the clouds to see below as we soar higher.

The birds land on American soil, freed by our forces.  Without that glorious Blue Sky above we would never have the opportunity to view life as it is today.

Through the wars, disappointments, and heart breaks the Blue Sky still brings us the feelings of freedom.

We’ve bean granted peace, freedom of speech, life, and we’ve been plagued with racial conflicts, women’s right debates, and suspicious circumstances, good and not so good friends, but in the Blue Sky as we soar through its pillows of clouds you forget all this as you linger in good, nice, free thoughts of your everyday lover for all.

End this feeling of restlessness, ill feelings towards one another, bring the big Blue Sky to your level and carry it with you proudly.

Make those who don’t see and feel the “Glory of Flight” take another look at all those who fight to keep that glorious Blue Sky, so some day soon they too can open their eyes and hearts to feel our feelings of flight.

Take pride in those who fight the battles of life to keep the sky blue.  Who knows, one day you may be the one fighting the battles of life to keep our sky blue for those who follow you in the years to come.

The “Glory to Flight” through the big blue is the only thing we have today that’s not taught by life’s trials and tribulations.  I love to look at the sky and see all the nice, free things life has given us.  But if you don’t take pride in your fellow warriors, that Blue Sky will turn to gray and cloud all our precious insights to come for tomorrow.

So warriors, show everyone, you wear the Blue Sky with pride, and prestige.  Give all of them something to envy, don’t let the gray cloud turn you against one another.  Bring the Blue Sky down and feel the love of freedom in its rarest form.

This is a reprint of CJ Barrimond’s previous works while serving in the Air Force.  It was printed in the Castle AFB Newspaper while assigned to the 93^rd Bombardment Wing.

                                                                       FAREWELL

 My Dear Son:

The time has come for us to bid farewell for a short time.  We shall meet again in another place and another time.  This will not be for long but a short time.  We shall suffer thru emptiness, loss, the weeping we have wept, the longing for your care and conversation, the sight of your face and the longing for your voice.  Hearing you say the word “I love you” or “can I give you a hand” we be sadly missed. 

We have shared so much over the years and those memories will never fade.  You will miss my voice telling you things will work them selves out or just be patient and give life a chance.  I have urged you to let yourself believe and you have declined to allow yourself that love.  There will come a time while on your journey when those words will come back to you as if in a dream.  Though not a dream, but a flash back in time.  The heart to hearts we have shared and the most intimate details of your soul have been mine to hold.  With confidence and pride you entrusted those details to me.  I am taking that task as serious as raising you from birth.

I have cared for you from birth, thru all the belly aches, the bruises, cuts and broken bones.  I have sat up with you during the nights of high fevers, bad dreams and nightmares.  We have discussed music, litature, movies and life in general.  We have visited many places and experienced many great things considered pleasures in life.  We have meant so much to each other thru our lives.  The day will come when we will part this earth separately and not to worry, we shall again meet up to embrace each other once more.    

During it all, the things that most people take for granted, we did not.  We knew the true meaning of live, family, love and happiness.  Those little things in life that gives one pleasure were the things we shared more between us.  The larger things in life were just that, large things.  We maintained the simple things in life that gave so much pleasure and peace.  That peace is what lent credence to our soul.  I know the loss I will endure the minute you board that plane will leave a scar on my heart for many months to come.  The day will come when that phone rings and the voice I hear will be that of yours.  The peace again will flutter down on my heart again. 

You have grown in many ways and shown that you are a man.  A man of pride and measureable means.  Not in monetary value, but in love and a peaceful soul.  A man of true self meaning.  He learns that life can be changed by us when once we take a stand and stick to our beliefs and in ourselves.  As I sit here writing this note, I am feeling the agoning pain of loss already.  You have not yet packed a bag and the feelings are swelling up inside my heart.  It is as if my heart is telling me to prepare itself for the hit it will soon take.  We live for love and life and yet when that love leaves even for a short time, we are lost within our self.  We wonder if the pain will easy or fade and truthfully we know it will, but we hang on looking for a more substantial sign from above.  I know that one day you will learn to trust and have faith in God, but until then I will hold his word in my heart and pray for your safe return. 

The day will come when that faith and trust in him will provide you more comfort than I.  When that happens, you will see what I have always known and trusted.  Those midnight conversations I have and still have with him under the star lit skies and under the brightness of the sun.  He is always in to hear me and I need not make an appointment or pay for his ear.  He never sends a bill or say excuse me while I answer this other call or stands me up for a quick luncheon date. 

When you allow yourself to believe and trust in his words you may become more of a man of principles.  I know where you are headed they will teach you things like integrity, honor, loyalty and strength.  A lot of which you will use daily in business and love.  They have their respective place in life and then there are times when they will not apply.  Do not be distracted from their true meanings nor allow yourself to be distracted from the mission at hand.   When you return back to me, I will not judge you because of a missing limb or because of a disfigurement.  Those things will have no affect on the heart or the soul within you.  Those will remain intact and though slightly bruised by your ego they will remain the same.  Though we shall communicate while apart, never feel that you can’t confide in me because they have made you another kind of man.  I will always be here to listen or to lift your spirits. 

Just hearing your voice or seeing your face will be enough for me to know that you still love and cherish me as your mom.  Please remember that  that love can never be torn apart or disfigured or shattered.  It is true and pure and only god could damage that love.  But because that is not his business, it will remain sacred.

If for any reason upon your return, I shall have perished, remember this note, read it periodically, it will bring you comfort and soils.  Remember that a parent’s love is for eternity and can never be pulled away.

P.S.  Please remember that I am not there to remind you, but clean underwear and sock without holes are important.  Change then often and grab a needle and thread and sew up those holes.  If you are not attending church, then your toes have no business going without you.

I love you always,

MOM

Have you considered these two words while sitting in the doctor’s office or while waiting in the grocery store checkout line?  Well, this particular one has and not while waiting on someone to help me.  While stumbling around my living room today I found my mind wandering again and this time these two words kept creeping into my thoughts.

If you living in a small community you may have run into these two words on more than one occasion and if you live in the big city, you have definitely come across them, and not even given it a second thought.  When I walked outside last night around 1:30 a.m. I noticed the city sprinkler system was on along the main street watering the trees and shrubs lining the street.  There is only problem with that, the sprinkler heads were off.  Here in Fresno our city council preaches water conservation, energy conservation, watering rules in the housing areas and littering.  I have seen so many violations to these so called preach proof standards and I have to ask myself, “If I were in charge of this city and making the rules how would I handle these violations?”  Well, I am here to tell you that doubletalk and double standards seem to go hand in hand in every city or county government.  I have also noticed how it also plagues the State and Federal government.

Here is what I am speaking of:  The watering rules require residents to water on even and odd days depending on their address number.  Yet the city waters every night raining or shining.  The residents are not supposed to be watering in the winter months.  Another is all residents can be ticketed for malfunctioning sprinklers and wasting water.  Yet the city council and mayor has been notified of the problems plaguing their sprinklers lining certain streets and still no changes have been made.  Is this a double standard or are we all seeing things not there?

The city claims they are going to start monitoring water with meters so they can tell who is using excess water in the city.  They will charge extra to those using more then allotted per household.  Yet I have not once heard anyone state whether the city will be metered and how the city is conserving water.

We as a government give all these companies bailout money and this is supposed to help our economy and yet the only ones getting any relief are the stores.  When is the government going to bailout regular Joes and Janes in this country?  Are we not important to the economy or are we as expendable as some in other countries? 

We as parents talk a different talk when we raise children and we do the opposite.  Isn’t that a form of doubletalk and a double standard?  There is a saying that goes “Practice what you preach”.  When is the last time you saw someone live by that saying?  I bet they were not a public figure or a parent.  My son keeps telling me when he says something to punish his girls he finds the words his father and I said to him as a child when we punished him.  I had to laugh when he stated that, because I did the same thing when I punished him and his sister.  I guess my parents left such a great impact on me that I found it to be too good not to pass on.

Listen one day when your children are playing with their little friends and you hear some of the same things come out of their mouths.  They will also doubletalk and set double standards.  I guess it is everywhere you go in this world, but can we live just one week without either in anything we do?  Try living just one week without these two words and see if it makes a major difference in how you view things.  Has it made things easier or harder?  Was everyone willing to abide to not using them or did they someone creep up their ugly little heads?

I realize I think of some of the stupidest things, and pass on these things on for all of you out there to consider.  But it is the little things that trip us up on a daily basis and these little things will find a way to come up in a conversation either with kids or friends.  Why not give them a minute of recognition and just get it out of the way.  We as parents preach to our children about these two words and yet we never give them anymore thoughts in our daily life.  We tell our kids it is because we are the parents or it is because we pay the bills and yet our kids will be learning what from us?  We set rules and we do the opposite and again we state it is because we are the parents or because we are grown.  What are we teaching them now?

No I do not live by these words daily, but why tell someone else to do something or live by rules that we are not prepared to abide by ourselves?

Is your brain hurting yet?  I know mine is and I am only writing this.

Recently there has been so much coverage of missing women, children and yes, sometimes men and little boys.  I have to question some of the disappearances when I first hear about them.  I know that sounds heartless, but as a person looking in from the outside some of the stories sound disbelieving.

I also need to ask not just myself but others out there if we as a society are raising some of these evil people on purpose or is something else at play in this universe?  Now some of the more religious people out there will say it is the devil at work.  In some ways I can honestly say they may be right.  In other ways I have to say we have some people out there raising children or lack in the raising department and therefore letting loose on society some of the most dysfunctional individuals possible in this world to reap massive blood shed on us.  Maybe that is saying it a bit harsh, if so I am sorry for having to say it that way, but not sorry it was said.  Somebody in this world needs to stand up for these individuals who are taken out of fear their secrets will be out or because they have a weird sexual depravity in life or because they are religiously messed up in their minds and think that god is telling them to do this. 

First off, god would never tell anyone to murder or commit mayhem on any living person.  We have husbands killing their wives for some deranged ideal and parents involved in snatching their children to gain their weird fifteen minutes of fame in the media and when it is solved and the law enforcement community deems without a doubt they are responsible for their own child’s disappearance they claim set up to feed that need for fame.

There are so many things that creep into our minds when we hear of these disappearances that making sense of most of it is not as easy as it looks.  Take for instances the Anthony case!  There is a mother who is obviously suffering from an over protective and controlling mother that she was fighting for some real independence from her family and also for some attention that reached over her daughter.  Now I can not without a doubt say that right now she is guilty of all charges without hearing every piece of evidence, but the media is making very apparent that she is the only guilty party responsible for her child’s death.  Well, in my own opinion and yes I said the dirty word again, opinion.  The grandparents have a sense of culpability here in this death as well.  They knew their daughter had emotional problems and yet they did nothing to prevent this death.  They thought as most people; we will give it time and just see what happens.  We as a grandparent myself, if one of my children were going thru similar emotional problems as her.  I would have already stepped in and taken some sort of legal action.  I would have also conferred with the other grandparents for their take on things and asked for their support and assistance in taking that legal action.  If they refused to step up, then it would have been a solo step on my part.  But as a parent we look at our children and never once think they could be responsible for anything as deranged as killing a child.  There is however that one chance in a million and most often there are warning signs we just disregard. 

We are supposed to be the wiser ones in the parent child relationship.  Well if that is the case, why is it that we keep failing on our responsibility to be wise?  Why is it that our children are developing these out of this world emotional problems that we can’t explain and sometimes neither can the specialist in their field of minds?  You can be the best parent possible and follow all the best specialist in the country and yet and still have a child who thrives on killing.  We as parents teach our children to be responsible to themselves and others and to treat others with the utmost respect and be courteous to others and treat other’s property with respect and to be loving and caring individuals.  We teach them the Ten Commandments and yet we are presented with these unexplained individuals who have no respect for others let alone themselves.  Is it they just snap or was there something we missed in their development years?

In the Heiliegh Cummings case I am presented with so much doubt in the innocence of the step mom that it leaves me wondering about the family dynamics she was raised in.  You have a mother who is charged with fraud and forgery, a brother charged with stealing a gun and now I wonder what the father will be charged with next?  It appears to me that her lessons in life were to lie and steal your way thru life and for that reason she is looking guiltier to me everyday.  I understand the little girl’s father’s reasoning for keeping his marriage to her alive and working.  The old say of keeping your friends close and your enemies even closer works for me.  If he keeps her close enough she will slip somewhere in her story.  I don’t think he is blind enough to think she is telling the entire story.  He has to think that there is something amiss about her details of the evening his daughter went missing.  This young woman has not learned the most important lessons in life to be the ultimate responsible parent to someone else’s children.   She is still a child herself.  She has let out that she needed breaks and hung out with the wrong people on national news.  That tells me something right there.  This girl was looking for young interactive activity among her peers. 

We have these deranged mothers or want to be mother cutting out babies from pregnant mothers to be and stealing them.  Some are for out of country sale and others are for their own personal gain.  These women need major desperate help.  They also set into motion the warning signs and no one questioned those signs.  Not the father of the baby she thought she was carrying and not her parents or relatives.  No one is completely guilt free in any of these situations.  There is always something set into motion to give us a heads up on the emotional stability of each and everyone of these cases.  What trips me up is why we could possible think that we raised the perfect children when their attitude and emotional stability is changing in front of us.

Today in the newspaper there was another article of the young father who belonged to a gang and in the mist of a divorce and custody battle over his children submitted his younger 7 year old son to a gang tattoo by holding his down and another gang member tattooing his body.  All because his son said he wanted to be like his daddy.  You and I both know that this 7 year old boy has no true concept of what his daddy is really doing as a gang member.  He just thinks daddy hangs out with his friends a lot and has lots of fun drinking and partying.  In the paper this case is before a judge to determine is the father could be charged with a life sentence for the permanent tattoo of the body.  There were arguments that ear piercing is permanent and therefore also painful.  There was a case against circumcising a male after birth stating it was painful and permanent.  The circumcising I can by as painful and permanent.  Technically the child is not really in that much pain during the snip, because of the sensitivity of the area the child is given something for the pain.  Ear piercing is not really a good example of permanent because if you choose you can let the holes close up and there is not permanent marking is done early enough in the child’s life.  In my own personal OPINION, they should throw the book at him for what he did to his child.  He placed the mark of death on him at an age where the child could not fully understand the consequences of the action.  This is where I have to ask this man, WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?  His and the gang members actions to me were that equal to a raping by force or fear.  The same punishment should be handed down on him and his accomplice. 

I have spoken to many other people of this particular incident because it happened locally where I live.  Everyone is in total agreement on his actions of irresponsibility.  He has caused this child to undergo more painful remedies to remove that mark of death and the fact that this child will have to undergo therapy to understand what his father did to him and the request he made to be like his daddy. 

Now I ask you the public, is this act of a devil or is it the irresponsible actions on our part to have the courage to step forward and say wait a minute, you as my child need to know if you continue on this path of destruction and disfunctionality, I will be forced to take legal action to stop you on behalf of either my grandchild or as a parent of a loved one.

Or is this derangement a pattern of learned behavior we as parents are displaying to our children in their development years without intention?  I would love to hear what a specialist would have to say on this particular subject matter.  I am also curious to hear what my readers have to say on the matter.  I also ask that you not hold back because you may hurt my feelings, because as a woman I am tough enough to take

Recently, I filed for Social Security Disability and found out that because my husband made too much money, because I had not officially worked since my shoulder injury in 97, and that the powers to be in Social Security Administration didn’t feel I was in enough pain I was denied my benefits.

Now I find looking thru my financial records that I did work for about six months in 2003.  Mind you it was nothing that I wasn’t doing around my own house.   I also had an appointment with an attorney who specializes in these kinds of cases.  He is asking for all these documents and thank god I keep documentation.  Only because my father use to tell me, Document, document·  Well, I found those old military medical records; I found medical records from 1990 up thru my shoulder surgeries.  While looking thru my medical records I found a profile that states no lifting over 5 pounds.  Funny I should find this particular piece of paper, because since having two surgeries on my left shoulder picking up a gallon of milk with that one arm alone is not easy to do.  You have to know a gallon of milk weighs 8 pounds.  I need two hands to pick up a gallon of milk.  There are so many things that hit you the older you get and it makes you look at things in a different way.  Because of this dilemma, I am now asking myself who is looking out for us. 

We raise our children to be respectful of their elders and to use their manners and be kind to all and other basic courtesies, but then when their parents start getting the natural aches and pains that prevent them from taking on normal everyday chores you wonder if they are looking out for you or is the government looking out for you and if neither are, then WHO IN THE HELL IS LOOKING OUT FOR US?

We file for the programs we know and our doctors know we qualify for and yet those programs tell us we don’t qualify.  So if we go by their guidelines then how do they figure we don’t qualify?  As an employer, you write policy for your employees to follow, and they follow such policy and if a mistake happens, they are penalized for that mistake.  What is not stated is that the policy does not cover those unintentional mistakes.  We set up programs for the elderly and tell them when they reach a specified age to file for those programs they are qualified for.  Yet the one thing we don’t tell them is that when they do file not all those filing are actually qualified for those programs.  So why do we set these programs up for them and deny them every time?  If you go to the social security disability website, it gives you all the particulars of what diseases are pre-approved thru this organization and if you meet the criteria then you technically meet the standards for drawing social security disability.  Wrong!  There are more standards that are hidden within these criteria’s set forth in their pre-approved illnesses and diseases.  The only way you will find out what these extra standards are is when you re-file for reconsideration or an appeal with an attorney. 

Now you have to ask the other big questions that will come into play with all this mess.  Who is helping you around the house do daily chores, who is driving you to your appointments, how often do you do those daily household chores and what are the chores you actually do?  A few more here to be asked by social security is what things you do that intensifies the pains you are already experiencing, what do you do to ease the pains, what medications do you take on a regular basis for your disease or illness, and when you take these medications can you still perform your daily activities without help?  How about this one, if your doctor tells you that surgery is the only fix to your pain and you choose not to have it because the percentage rates of inability to be as you were is too low, why are you not having the surgery and if you choose not to have it, then you are bucking the system and therefore not eligible for our services.  Now I have to ask this stupid question again, “WHO THE HELL IS LOOKING OUT FOR US?”  If you are perhaps an elderly person with no living children to help you or no living relatives that can come over to help you out then what are you to do?  Well, there are organizations out there that can help, but just note that they require payment thru social security disability for their services.  This means you loose some of your income to that organization for their assistance.  I don’t know about you, but I am on a fixed income and I don’t have excess money to give away to someone else for helping me out.  That is what I have children and grandchildren for. 

So taking all these points into account, do you really want to go through all that added stress of filing for something that they will put extra stress on you and then turn you down and stress you out even more for wondering why?  There are advocates out there that are in place to help us, but they can only do so much and then what are you to do?  Before filing for social security disability, make sure your doctor is on the same page as you and make sure you document, document and keep all the documentation you can.  When you go to the doctor for specialized testing, ask that you be sent a copy of the test results or reports, ask your doctor for a copy of their notes on your recent visit.  If you need specialized equipment make sure that the doctor gives you a written prescription for it in case your insurance doesn’t cover it and you can manage to pay out of your own pocket for it and then you can claim it on your taxes at the end of the year.  Keep that prescription attached to the paperwork on that specific equipment papers.  Now say the doctor gives you a prescription for a particular medication and your insurances does not cover this medication, then go on the internet and look for help paying for prescriptions.  There are several companies out there who will lend assistance in paying for needed prescriptions.  Some will even send the medications for free.  There are church organizations that will assist you in getting needed eye glasses or screenings for eye glasses.  The Lions Club is a great organization willing to help those that they can.

If you have children living in the near vicinity, ask them to perform specified chores on a monthly basis, this makes it easy for you and they are more willing to come over and help more often.  Sometimes asking our grand children that are old enough can be helpful as well.  They could mow your lawn either weekly or bi-monthly basis.  Then give them a letter of recommendation if they choose to go around the neighborhood to make money mowing other people’s lawns.  This helps them and you at the same time.    When my grand children visit, they know they have specific chores that will help me greatly.  For instances, my oldest grand son waters all the plants in the front for me and my oldest grand daughter feeds the dog and makes sure she has water every morning before school.  My other grand children when they come over will ask if they can do something for me.  I will definitely find something small they can do for me.  I have one two who love to help do dishes for me.  Yes I take out all the knives and they can wash dishes for me.  I am very appreciative of them for helping out.  With my daughter not living in ....Fresno.... anymore, I rely on my daughter in-law, my son for the short time he is here and my son in-law when he has the time.  They all pitch in when it comes time for decorating my house and yard for Halloween and Christmas.  I let them know what I want and they hit the town.  If you have a great friend whose cooking you love, then buy the major ingredients for those dishes and ask them if they would make a couple of extra plates up for you to freeze.  This will help out in the cooking area.  At the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, I always make extra cookies, cakes, brownies and other sweets and then pack them in a basket and have them delivered to local group homes around here for the clients living there.  They deserve the kindness of others as we do.