at a press conference in canada today, it was announced that the province of prince edward island is changing its name to an unpronouncable symbol.

but you can refer to it simply as the island formerly known as prince edward island.









also, with this, i am reserving the right to the name "campaign for the children" for any creative ventures i see fit.

the poet that i am, i have collected two brilliant pieces of verse
(my definitive collection, i would say) for you to enjoy
without having to look all over the place; they're both right here!

sex with you
sex with you is like a plum
i mean, my penis is like a plum
in that
it always comes out of your pussy swollen and purple
i am afraid
that you have aids
please
don't shoot the messenger


the challenge
freeman makes totally awesome crafts from popsicle sticks
and rapes with kindness the innately pessimistic
freeman is slow to work and quick to the dinner table...

his penis is a tsunami housed in a fake can of peanut brittle
and you can play his clavicle like a violin, this i assure you
he doesn't own, he rents
but maintains proper renter's insurance (or does he?!)

the microwave radiates for him at the mere push of a button
butter melts in it
he takes the leftover waste before him
and employs it to grease the pan he is most certain to utilize

who will eat these muffins?
who will help me bake this bread?














let's do this more often
let's do this again
you're like an acquaintance
which is much like a friend

like a friend

ok! everyone! check this out! this is this month's edition of blog duels! my competitor is the ever nefarious minerva von peanut butter! my entry is here (as in here, you're already here), her entry is here, and the page on which you can vote is here! so read up and go vote! the topic is "i know kung fu". well, it's not exactly a topic. it is a point of ponderance.




"why is the subway stopping?" kate asked aloud. she took off her headphones. "this isn't a stop."

there was only one other person on the train with her. [chirp] it was inaudible. well, it was unintelligible. apparently the other man on the train understood it. he held the phone to his mouth, pushed a button and spoke. "ok, that sounds good--"

"this isn't a stop." the man looked up from his adult walkie-talkie conversation, and kate was right in front of him, looking at him. "hello."

he addressed the phone again, "hey, i'll get back in touch with you. something is going on here." he looked at her and sort of stared through her.

"hey." she put her hand on his shoulder and shook him, "hey!" he snapped back to it, "what is going on?" she asked again. [chirp] something garbled, again. the man presumably understood, but didn't answer this time. "doesn't that annoy you?"

"i'm sorry?"

"that stupid chirping noise, doesn't it bother you? it's so piercing and...what's the word...unnecessary." she laughed. he laughed too. his wits about him, he was very attracted to her.

"oh, that. you don't even notice it after awhile."

"you may not notice it," she paused. " i, on the other hand, notice it everywhere i go. to say i find it annoying would be," she looked up as if she was picking her words from the air, "an unsatisfactory expression of my infliction." they both laughed again, together. really, they giggled; i guess i'll be honest. the train jerked forward once, and they were suddenly both reminded that they had both forgotten they were captive in a stalled tram.

startled, kate had shrieked, "what will we do?" she pleaded.

"i know kung fu," the man said bluntly and stifled a smile.

kate looked at him and smiled. "i don't think we'll be needing that."

"well, i just meant if some guy comes running through here with a gun and a bag of money. like in a movie or something." they smiled at eachother. "you look like you feel safer."

"do i?" she laughed, "you're right, i do. i feel safe from the dennis hoppers of the world." [chirp] some muddled nonsense came through the man's phone again. "what did they say about the train?"

"i didn't hear anything about the train," the man said to her. he seemed agitated. into the phone he said, "hey, i can't understand you. i'm going to have to hit you back later."

"yes, he did. he said something about the train, 'hey bro, i have to get this train moving,' or something like that. i know i heard it."

[chirp] "later's no good. this thing's got to move now" the train began to move again.

the two stood there in silence for what seemed like minutes but was only seconds. "what was that about?" she insisted.

the man started to say something. well, he started to say a bunch of things. at once. and then he stopped and sighed. "my brother drives this train, and when i saw you i chirped him and had him stall the train out so we'd have something to talk about."

he stopped there and let it ring. that sounded reasonable, right? not too self-implicating. well, he had to break the silence, at least.

"i know kung fu," he said and smiled cautiously.

"fuck you," kate turned around to return to her seat and wait out the rest of the ride.

she put her headphones back on. had she not had her mpthree player, it could have made for quite an awkward ride, she thought. just then her batteries died, but she sat there and pretended to listen to music, anyway, and promptly got off at the next stop even though it was five stops away from her own. she hissed at the man as she exited, and then waited for the next train to come along. men are fucking assholes, seriously.

my opinion is right, yours is a lie. i don’t know if it’s supposed to be worded so awkwardly. my opinion is right, yours is wrong. mine is correct, yours is incorrect, maybe? i don’t know. it’s not really a topic, is it? anyway, i’m feeling overly pessimistic and stagnant today; so i’m going to find it hard to enjoy this. but this is allegedly for the blog duels competition this month. my opponent operates here, the group is located here. read this, then read dude’s, then vote. please.


sooooo....my opinion is right, yours is a lie. i don’t know where to start. but here is a question i have. why is it illegal for a girl under the age of eighteen to be naked in a movie, but it is not illegal for a girl over eighteen to portray a girl under eighteen in a movie, and be naked?

and that’s about all i’ve got. i know what you’re thinking, that wasn’t even funny. you’re right, it wasn’t. but it is peculiar, at least. and peculiar can be a synonym for funny.

there. i hope you’re as bored as i am.