Okay I don't even remember the last time I blogged... I've been so lazy/busy with all this other crap...

Holidays are here... I've realised, I barely have time to catch up with every..( Work takes 3 or 4 days out of my week already and I feel so drained from lack of sleep and just....sigh... I don't know anymore.

I seriously don't have enough time.

And to think, 4 months worth of holidays should be enough. I'm so screwed I reckon. How come I ain't as happy as I thought I ought to be...? hahaha yea ok steph's right...I sound pretty emo.

Reading back, I blame lack of food and sleep. Had a nap, feel slightly better, despite it being 2:20am Friday morning... bahahaha... yay, I'm looking forward to today, PANCAKES! RAWR! =D Good food + good people. yay. =]

Sigh, I just watched House. Why is this show disappointing me? Hmm.. still good, just the messages are more 'subtle'? I'm not sure, I barely paid attention to it and I didn't get all the hints... I'll rewatch it soon... =]

Heroes was good as always! YAY! You gotta watch it kiddies... =]

In other news......... timing sucks. that is all. Some aspects of my life are falling back into place... gradually.

Looking forward to meeting up with Michael next week - i haven't seen that kid in so many months!

Everything is a-okay again.... man so many things have been happening in the last few weeks...good/bad stuff...brought  people closer together. =]


Sigh, i really need to start getting into the habbit of writing again. I'm starting to lose track of what I've been doing!! Soon...maybe tmrw, I'll write. And i really really want a new camera... Fel is running out of money. Oh gosh I gotta watch what I spend!

$200 left... I have a feeling most of it will be gone by end of this week.... hahah awesome. =)

Sometimes I somewhat resent being too close to people... I mean it's all well and good - but it tends to get a tad messy when that person is also extremely close with someone else you're close with. And thus, a tripod is born. In this case I have two. Yay me. I love them to bits... but sometimes...gah.... I'm sure they feel the same way at times, so don't blame me if you're reading this. In the end, I still <333 you all. =]


Sigh. I'm finding myself confiding in ppl I know aren't too close with other ppl that I'm close with... =/

I need a venting system. I don't wanna rant to my friends anymore...... it's soooo... frick I dunno. I don't wanna keep complaining but gah. Talk about a bad fucking day.



T________T


See I burnt out.... again. Fuck. wonder how many more times this is gonna happen before end of semester?

Oh god, I know what ticked me off today. What jst...tipped me over. fkn customers at work. i swear to god - at the cafe, some things are self service - frigging hell... are they blind or something? dead set, today the cafe was PACKED, and i was pretty much the only one waitressing while the rest were preparing the food/drinks. I swear, some ppl ask for the dumbest things. one lady asked for tomato sauce (which you can get yourself at the front), i told her its 30c...she said ok. i come back, hand her the sauce, and she asked for another...so i got her another one...10 mins later she asks for one more...when she went up to pay, i told her is 90 cents worth of sauce and she frigging stars making a tantrum over it. its 90 cents ffs - BIG WOOP!? T__T meanwhile, there was a line waiting....and gah... I wanted to just slap that bitch. once she left, we all jst started bitching about her... =] it was soooo unnecessary. so many unnecessary things happened today. T_T

Bah. fkn assignments. fkn work. I want my own time and space and not have to feel guilty for having it sometimes... when i got out by myself, dad hates it. when im in my room alone jst chilling to music he hates it. WTF?! C'mon... I'm too god daym tired to help do the fkn dishes. it's always about the dishes, why is that? hot topic? =.=" it seems that lately, my dad ALWAYS has something to be fucking annoyed it. omg... it's like THE only way we talk now - wait, more like he just YELLS at me all the fkn time. if you're stressed stop taking it out on me, sif i don't have enough to juggle atm. =(

juggling 3 balls...watch me drop one anytime now...

ffs. ffs. ffs. ffs.

*cries*

is everyone over myspace or something?

facebook is pwning atm... hahaha...


in other news, Fel found a new job. =] Fresco cafe at QVB - it's near YD. Had my first shift today, 4.5 hours... was alright, very very busy. Good excercise I guess. Working tmrw again... next week is my last week at kuta..wow... x]

i keep missing.

every.

single.

time.




experience doesn't make it hurt any less either.

I find it strange how I tend to be so daym patient towards certain ppl, and I just snap to other's at the drop of a hat. I snap at my parents far too quickly. I act like a total know it all - and what's worse is that I know this yet I do nothing to change it. And yet on the contrary, I can be so patient to other ppl.... obviously not naming names 'cause I'm writing this more for my sake.

Good thing all around is that I don't hold grudges. I get over shit quite quickly compared to other ppl I know. My dad for one. I only ever bring old, shit, backstabbing moments back when need be, otherwise what's in the past is simply that - the past.

I find it weird how, no matter what some ppl do/say to me... I just can't hate them. I can get so annoyed at them, yet I don't despise them. I stick around under a false misconception that they'll "change" their ways somehow, even if I've known them for a few years. Ah yes... (false) hope is such a fantastic lil thing isn't it? I can get angry at them, but in due course I end up apologising and just... meh I'm always in the wrong these days.

I tend to be the one who apologises when it comes to the same, certain individuals. Notice the 's' - more than one friend involved here. If you happen to be reading it, and honestly know that it is in fact, about you... please don't feel hurt, insulted. I am not annoyed nor angry towards you. Just finally writing down the things which I have noticed. It makes you who you are, I don't expect you to change at all. =]

So in order to make some issues easier to be dealt with, I apologise. I mean it (most of the times.. heh). Why? 'cause after all of my times spent with them, I know how stubborn those idiots can be. Yet I cherish their friendship more than others. I know that they're not willing to let their guard down, to be placed in a somewhat vulnerable position. Even the slightest. Ergo, I tend to be more patient towards them. Doesn't make it hurt any less though when they say shit to me -  only to lie and dismiss it as a joke, or even to dismiss it all together! HAH!

Half the time I don't even know what has happened. And no I'm not just saying that to get out of having to deal with the consequences. At times, I really am clueless as to what it is that I've apparently done - to get the other party so worked up.

I just wish some ppl would open up a bit more, as oppose to beating around the bush - then just lashing out at me randomly. Yet I take it. Why? I don't know. What am I trying to achieve anyway? *Shrugs* Questions left to ponder about next time.

Mmm was nice to write this all down. Haven't had the time lately to just... reflect.