Gender: Female
Age: 24
City: Hollywood do it but I'm not that kinda girl
State: California
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December 24, 2009 - Thursday
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Current mood:  happy
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
So I totally aced my flyin' lessons this week. Of course, it helped that I had a pretty good instructor.
I finished tops in my class, too!  oh yeah! Prancer and Vixen were there for my graduation.
Hey, Cupid - Why did the reindeer fly across the road? Because she was stapled to the chicken! Hee-HAW!
Prancer, this ain't no time you be tellin' no lousy jokes! This a big day fo' my li'l sister! Congratulations, honey!
Yeah, Cupid, con-GRAD-ulations. HAW!
Thanks, you guys! I'm really glad you could make it.
I ain't miss it fo' the world, girl.
Me neither! But we're gonna miss lunch if we don't hurry up. HAW!
He right, we runnin' late. The buffet line 'bout to close. You hungry, Cupid?
Oh, I dunno. All that flyin' made me a little queasy.
I think Cupid needs an Elka-Seltzer! Hee-HAW!
Next: reindeer games
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December 24, 2009 - Thursday
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Current mood: happy
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Cupid the Pink-Nosed Reindeer, has a very rosy nose
And when she gets the sniffles, you would even say it blows
All of the other reindeer, whistled at and called her names
They tried to play poor Cupid, with horny little reindeer games...
Uh, Cupid?
Yeah, Mike?
Could you skip with the song and just tell the story?
But I like to sing, fella. You know how much I love karaoke.
That's fine, but we're kinda crunched for time right now. I mean, there's only a couple more days 'til Christmas, and you still got a ways to go to finish this.
How much more is left?
Hang on a sec, lemme take a look at the schedule. Let's see - You still gotta do reindeer games, Vixen, Rudolph, flyin' lessons, practice run, and Santa.
Wow! I didn't realize I was gonna write that much!
Well, you need to pick up the pace a little if we're gonna make it on time. Maybe you could combine a couple stories into a single blog?
Now that's a good idea! How 'bout I tack Vixen and Rudolph onto the end of this one?
Sounds like a plan!
Then let's try this again...
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen and Vixen and Rudolph Current mood: happy
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
So Saturday night after work I went down to the liquor store where Donner and Blitzen were hangin' 'round smokin' cigarettes.
I think they're closed. Bummer.
Uh, Cupid?
What is it now, Mike?
I hate to interrupt you again, but you can't let them have cigarettes. This is a non-smoking blog.
Okay, sorry. I'll have 'em do somethin' else.
And you think maybe you could change the setting a little and lose the liquor store? We should try to keep this as family friendly as possible. You wanna make a good impression on the kids.
How 'bout a bowlin' alley?
That'll work.
Alrighty, then! Lemme start over -
So Saturday night after work I went down to the Bowl-O-Rama where Donner and Blitzen were hangin' 'round drinkin' 40s.
Lots of fun for the entire family!
Talk about a total rewrite! I figured this would be as good a time and place as any to introduce myself as their new fellow co-worker.
Hi, fellas! My name's Cupid! I'm your new fellow co-worker!
Well, hello, mamacita! ¿Como estas? Blitzen, check this girl out!
Whoa! Does my eyes deceive me? Donner, pinch me an' tell me I ain't dreamin'!
You ain't dreamin', ese! It's one fine doe jus' come our way.
Oh, you guys are too kind! Tee hee!
So uh, Cupid - Was hap'nin', li'l mama? My name Blitzen! You's gettin' me all fired up! Wanna ring my sleigh bell?
Um -
Yo, Blitzen! She ain't gonna fall for none o' that, fool! You gotta learn to smoove talk wit' the ladies. Check this out - ¡Oye, chica! What'cha doin' tonight? You wanna take a walk on the tundra wit' me, man? Get some food? I know where they got some fine moss. Then we could kick it at my crib, jus' you an' me. You could rub the fuzz off my antlers.
Yo, Donner! Get yo' antlers back in line! I need room ta work!
I'll work your face, cabron!
We gonna need ta take dis outside, homie?
Let's Dew it!
Talk about product placement!
Yikes! Fellas - You don't gotta fight over me!.
C'mon guys! Can't you see that Cupid's right? There's plenty of her to go around! We can all take turns.
Um, that's not exactly what I had in mind, fella. Who are you, anyways?
My name's Comet! And you're my new partner!
Oh! Pleased to meet you, I guess...
Great! Now look, I'm real sorry what you had to put up with back there. Donner and Blitzen are a couple of morons. They just don't understand how to treat a lady. But I do. I'm different than they are. I'm a different reindeer altogether.
Okay...
Look, Cupid - this job - pullin' Santa's sleigh is a big responsibility, you have no idea. You're going to need someone to show you the ropes.
That sounds kinky.
I just think that since we're going to be partners, we should really get to know each other better. You think maybe the two of us could hang out some time? I mean, in a strictly professional manner, of course. Business first, always.
Of course.
So, uh, I got a couple of tickets for the Elfis concert Wednesday night. You want to go with?
Bossa Nova, baby!
I dunno, fella. I still gotta study for my flyin' lessons next week.
Okay, great, no worries. I don't want to pressure you or anything. I mean, you hardly even know me yet, right? But look - if you change your mind later?
I'll let you know, fella.
Great! Now listen, Cupid - and I only say this because I feel this strange connection with you - if there's anything you need - anything at all - you just let me know, okay? I'll always be here for you, partner. I mean that.
Oh, please! Like she never heard that line before! Cupid, honey, we need to talk!
And you must be?
Vixen, girl. Now let me tell you a li'l story. Them three reindeers ain't no good. The End.
That's a pretty short story!
Jus' the skinny all you need to know.
So what's the fat?
Girl, them two reindeers back there - Donner and Blitzen - they ain't got but one thing on they mind. Why you think they pullin' sleigh all the way at the back? So's they can keep an eye out on yo' sweet li'l booty all night, that why. They what you call nasty. They don't dream 'bout no sugar plum fairies when they go to bed, honey.
What about Comet? He seems pretty clean.
Are you kiddin' me? You might think he clean 'cause the way he racked, but that buck worst of all! He could talk a fox out it fur coat in wintertime wit' that silver tongue o' his, honey. Don't trust 'im. He only lookin' to get his candy cane striped. You know what I sayin'?
Wham bam, thank you ma'am?
Mmmm hmmm.
Then what about the rest of the team?
Oh, don't you worry none 'bout Dasher. That deer what they call a autistic savant. We call 'im Rein Man. Prancer, he a fool. An' Dancer? He a li'l on the swishy side, if you know what I sayin'.
Um, yeah, I think I do. I heard a lotta things about Rudolph, too. He's like, super famous and stuff.
That fool think he too cool fo' school! But other than that, he mostly alright.
Wow, so we're like the only two girls on the team?
That right, honey. We got to stay close.
You don't gotta ride herd on me, girl! I'm only here as a temp.
A sleighin' we will go!
So after Vixen clued me in on the bucks and all their little reindeer games, I went back to the Bowl-O-Rama for a little nightcap. They got a quiet little cocktail lounge in there, right next to the coffee shop. I found a place at the bar and signalled for a drink.
Can I help you, ma'am?
No need to be so formal, fella. My name is Cupid! I'll have a Tequila Sunrise.
I had a little trouble with my drink, 'til the bartender brought me a straw. I still wasn't used to havin' hoofs. Even had to use my teeth to drop some coins into the jukebox. So help me, I'll never complain about a sore thumb again.
So anyways, I sucked down my booze and was just about to leave when Rudolph showed up.
I knew it was only a matter of time before I bumped into that shiny red nose of his, but I never expected it to happen so soon. You see, Rudolph didn't hang out with the other reindeer too often. He was way too cool for that. What'd Vixen say? Too cool for school. He hoofed his way up next to me and the bartender brought him a mirror. Are you kiddin' me? Talk about dancin' with yourself! Rudolph totally ignored me.
Hey, bartender, who's the chick?
Hello, I'm standin' right next to you!
Oh, that's Cupid.
Why not ask me yourself?
Is she here to help pull Santa's sleigh?
This guy is in a world all his own!
I think so.
Earth to Planet Rudolph! Come in, Planet Rudolph!
Ask her if she'll buy me a drink.
That's it! I'm outta here!
I couldn't believe it! I never saw a guy who was so full of himself! I mean, this was ridiculous! I gathered up my things and left.
It was a little late, but I still had time to catch the last bus home. Save a little taxi fare, if you know what I mean. So I walked over to the bus stop and guess what? Rudolph was right behind me. Great. Just what I need, a narcissistic ungulate stalkin' me.
Rudolph tried to act real casual and not notice me, but I already knew what he was thinkin'. Oh, what a coincidence to see you here, Cupid. Yeah, right. He tried to be all non-chalant when he finally walked over.
Hey.
Um, hi.
You must be Cupid. I'm Rudolph.
Yeah, I know.
So, what do you think?
Think about what?
My nose. Pretty cute, huh?
Sure, it's lovely. Look, Rudolph, my bus is gonna be here any minute now -
So, you wanna see it glow?
What?
I don't think I stuttered.
Are you kiddin' me, fella? Don't gimme no lines and keep your nose to yourself!
That is a cute nose, though.
He's lucky I can't hold onto a can of pepper spray.
Next: reindeer games
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December 22, 2009 - Tuesday
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Current mood: happy
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Cupid the Pink-Nosed Reindeer, has a very rosy nose
And when she gets the sniffles, you would even say it blows... Okay, so the song still needs a little work.
So after Jayna worked her animal magic, Mike took me to the Elf & Reindeer Club for lunch. The place was pretty busy, full of Christmas spirits imbibin' Christmas spirits, if you know what I mean. Turns out every day is Christmas at the North Pole! Yay!
We found ourselves a table since I couldn't fit into a booth.
You hungry, Cupid? How 'bout a club sandwich? They got pretty good burgers here, too.
What I'm really hungry for right now is a big moss salad. With a side order of bacon.
Ooh, that sounds good! I think I'll have that, too.
I didn't know elves ate moss.
We don't. I was talkin' 'bout the bacon.
That's a really lame joke, fella.
Well, it's nearly 3 AM, and the writer's gettin' tired.
But I thought I was writin' this?
You are.
What? Then how -
Don't try to think about it too hard, Cupid. Hey, look - It's Prancer! Hey, Prancer! Prancer, c'mere! I got someone I want you to meet!
Prancer pranced over - what else would he do? - and joined us at our table.
Hey, you guys - So this reindeer walks into a bar - OUCH!
Heh! That's a good one, Prancer!
I know! HAW! So how's it goin', Mike? Who's the doe?
Prancer, this is Cupid. She's the new reindeer on the team.
Hi Cupid! I'm Prancer! It's gonna be a real pleasure to work with you.
Well, thanks, Prancer! I'm really excited about this job, and I look forward to -
So, Cupid, you like riddles?
Um, sure, I -
Oh, this is a good one! What do get when you mix fifty pigs with fifty reindeer?
I have no idea.
A hundred sows and bucks! Hee-HAW!
Tee hee.
Well, I gotta get goin' now, Mike. Good to see you again. And you - I'll see you at work tomorrow, Cupid! Seasoned Greetings! I like mine with salt and pepper! HAW!
Hee hee! Isn't he hilarious, Cupid?
Yeah, he's a real bundle of joy.
Next: reindeer games
 | Currently watching:
Prancer
Release date: 2001-10-02 |
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December 21, 2009 - Monday
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Current mood: happy
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
So Saturday mornin' I took the bus down to the North Pole - or rather, I took the bus up to the North Pole - and there was this little elf guy waitin' to greet me.
Hi! I'm Mike!
Cupid?
That's me!
Oh, hi! Pleased to meet you! My name's Mike - I'll be your orientation manager.
Hi, Mike! I'm all ready for work!
Uh - You're not a reindeer, are you?
You see any antlers growin' outta my head?
No! Heh heh! No antlers! You're not a reindeer! Why do they always do this to me?
You want me to go home?.
Oh, no- NO! Don't do that! It's just you're not exactly what I expected - but I guess you'll have to do.
Do what? I'm still not sure what this job is all about, fella.
Oh, I'm sorry! Didn't they explain it to you on the phone?
Not exactly.
Well, you know the song that goes...
You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen... You mean Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? That song? Sure, I've heard it a couple times.
Well, that's you. You know - the Cupid part. Or at least it's gonna be you, just as soon as I can figure out how to make you grow a pair of antlers.
I'm not sure I can do that in time for Christmas, fella.
We'll work somethin' out. You got any ideas?
I'm thinkin' this might be a good time for another plot device.
That's a great idea, Cupid! And I know just the person to call! She works in Receiving.
Well isn't that convenient.
It's a good thing, too! Her name's Jayna. You remember her, right? She and her brother Zan used to be the Wonder Twins.
Wonder Twin powers, activate!
Lemme give her a call. Hello, Jayna? Hey, this is Mike, over in Personnel. How you doin'? Oh, thanks! Merry Christmas to you, too! Hey, look - I got the new hire here - the replacement for Cupid, right. You're never gonna believe this, but her name's Cupid, too! I know, what a coincidence, right? Yeah. Hey Look, I was wonderin' if maybe you could help me out? I need to get her ready. Yeah. We don't got much time left, right. Oh, you're such a lifesaver, Jayna! Thanks! We'll be right over!
So Mike took me over to the warehouse and introduced me to Jayna.
Hey, Jayna! This is Cupid.
Hi!
Cupid! It is so nice to meet you! So you're the new person they hired to pull Santa's sleigh, huh?
Yep.
Wow! This is just so awesome! So Mike, what can I do for you and Cupid today?
Well, as you can see, Cupid's not exactly what most people would call a reindeer. I mean, her teeth are pretty good and all, but there's nowhere near enough antler on her. Think you can you help her with that? I mean like, maybe show Cupid how to change shape the same way you do?
Well, the way I do it is by touching my brother's hand. I turn into an animal, and he turns into water. That reminds me, Cupid - You never want to take a bath when Zan's around.
How come?
It's just that he can be really sneaky sometimes. Like once, back when we were in the Super Friends, he was always waiting for Wonder Woman to take a bath. And when she finally did, guess who was in the tub? Perv.
That's gross!
You're telling me, Cupid! I've never seen Wonder Woman so angry! You should've seen the look on Zan's face when she pulled the plug on him!
I can only imagine! Tee hee!
After that, he had a curious relationship with Aquaman for awhile, but that went down the drain, too. So then Zan quit the Super Friends and moved to Oregon. He lives out there now, in a civil union with Mr. Bubble. I guess he finally found what he was looking for.
What happened to that pet monkey you guys had?
I sold Gleek to the circus.
Uh, Jayna? Could we skip with the gossip and just get down to business?
Oh! Sorry, Mike. Guess we got a little off-track there.
Just a bit.
Sorry. Okay, so Cupid, are you ready to do this?
Whenever you are, girl!
I reached out to touch Jayna's hand.
Should I say somethin' when I do this? How 'bout - Kinkyboot powers, activate! Tee hee!
I think you've been watching too many cartoons, Cupid! But now I want you to watch me, and I'll show you how it's done. Form of - a reindeer! You see? It's easy! Now you try.
Okay, here goes! Form of - a reindeer! Whoa! I feel a little dizzy!
Oh, don't worry, Cupid. That's normal. You'll get used to it. Just take a couple of aspirins.
So how'd I do?
Well, you got your antlers right, but we're still gonna need to work on the rest of that body. Try to think less like a giraffe, and try it again.
Maybe if I click my heels together three times?
Sure, knock yourself out.
Form of - a reindeer!
[Click Click Click]
You did it, Cupid! Way to go, girl!
Really? I did it? No way!
Mike brought me a mirror, and I couldn't believe what I saw. Cupid the Pink-Nosed Reindeer! Tee hee!
Funny thing is, now I've got this really weird cravin' for moss.
Next: reindeer games
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December 21, 2009 - Monday
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Current mood: happy
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Hi everybody! I got a new job for the holidays! Yay! I started Saturday. It's just a little temp thing 'til Christmas, but it's pretty cool. I found it on Craigslist last week.
seeking someone to help deliver toys (north pole)
Date: 2009-12-18, 6:40PM PST
Reply to: gigs-5rjbz-186942@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
seeking someone to help me deliver toys on christmas eve, it will take all night
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: negotiable
PostingID: 186942
So I'm thinkin' this has gotta be like Toys for Tots or some other kinda charity work. I can do that! Perfect. I sent an email and got an auto-reply with a phone number to call.
North Pole.
Hi, I'm callin' about the ad on Craigslist?
Oh, great! You can start right away. What's your name?
Cupid.
Cupid, huh? Well ain't that a coincidence!
What do you mean?
The guy who just quit this job was named Cupid, too. His contract expired, and he didn't renew. Said he wanted to retire. Moved down to Arizona - Just outside of Tucson, I think. He and the wife are workin' part time at a pettin' zoo down there.
Um, that's great. So like, the ad said you needed a delivery person?
Delivery person? Hardly! Who we're lookin' for is someone more like a delivery reindeer! Wait a minute - You are a reindeer, aren't you?
Well, I'm not exactly what you'd call reindeer material, but I'll still take the job!
I'm not sure that you're qualified then. This is a pretty specialized position. Do you have any experience?
I've never had a delivery job, but I'm experienced in plenty of positions ; )
What I meant was work experience.
Oh, it was a lotta work, alright.
I see.
But I'm a really fast learner!
I bet you are.
So do I get the job, or what?
Oh, let's see - we are in kind of a pinch right now. Hmm... Okay, I'll tell you what - Get yourself here at eight in the morning, and you got the job. You do have a way to get to the North Pole, right?
Don't worry, fella. I've got a bus pass.
 Next: Mike and Jayna
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December 19, 2009 - Saturday
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Current mood:STNG
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
So I got this really good idea for a STNG (pronounced STuh-NehG) episode and I decided to call Rick Berman about it. Hi, Rick! It's me, Cupid! Hey, I got this really good - What? What do you mean, Cupid who? Cupid Kinkyboots! Duh! Yeah, you know me. We - Yes, you know me! We met at the Tupperware party last weekend. Yeah, THAT Cupid. You remember me now? Great. Now look, I got - No, wait! Rick, I - Rick? Hello?
Guess I'll get back to him later.
So anyways, I got this great idea for a new STNG episode.
Duh! Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh! Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh!
 Oh, we're gonna boldy go, alright.
Hologram HijinksA Great New STNG EpisodebyCupid Kinkyboots
So like, one day Geordi's goofin' off on the Holodeck. He's busy pretendin' to be that trenchcoat detective guy in the Cameo video. WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN his duty shift begins. Man, I sure wish I didn't have to go back to work! If only I could be in two places at the same time! And Ding! that's when the little light bulb goes off in his head. I got it! I'll make a hologram replica of myself and send it to work for me! That way I can stay here on the Holodeck for the rest of my life! Heh heh! That'll work! Plenty of time to moonlight for Reading Rainbow now, baby!
So he does it and Holo-Geordi reports for duty. It goes off pretty well until eventually the other crewmembers start to notice somethin' a little bit different about their chief engineer. Data is the first one to voice their suspicions.
Funny, I don't feel an action figure.
Geordi, There seems to be something a little bit different about you.
Well, that's because there is something a little bit different about me, Data. I'm not really Geordi at all.
What do you mean?
Exactly what I just said. I'm not the real Geordi - I'm a hologram.
But if you are only a hologram, then what happened to the real Geordi?
Oh, he's probably still on the Holodeck. Last time I saw him, he was playing World of Warcraft. That game can be pretty addicting, you know.
Can you make a hologram replica of me, too? I would like to start a new elf-ranger character.
Sure, we can do that! But we'd better hurry it up! The real Geordi must be at least level 60 by now!
So Holo-Geordi helps Data create his own holo alter-ego and everythin' is cool. Until Holo-Data goes and spills the beans, that is. You see, it's that robot naiveté of his that always ends up gettin' him in trouble. He's just way too honest to lie about stuff. Holo-Data ends up confessin' the entire ploy to Commander Riker, who gets his own ideas on what to do with a hologram stand-in.
 Whoever said he lacks ambition?
Commander Riker introduces Counselor Troi to the Hologram Tasha Yar. Deanna, I thought we might try something a little different tonight.
Pretty soon, the whole crew is doin' it! And that's when things start gettin' really wild!
Duh! Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh! Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh!
 Fakes!
Dr. Crusher gives Holo-Picard his annual physical - three times every day. Is that comfortable enough for you, Jean-Luc? Good. Now, turn your head and cough...
Duh! Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh! Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh!
 To boldy go? Never mind.
Meanwhile, the real Captain Picard takes the Hologram Ensign Crusher on a long, deep-space shuttle trip. Wesley, do you like movies about gladiators?
Duh! Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh! Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh!
 See what you started, Holo-Geordi?
Back on the Enterprise, Lieutenant Worf is way too honor bound to shirk his duty with a Holo-Worf replica of himself. But that doesn't stop him from replicatin' his own harem of Earth women! SoHvaD pagh vIjatlh, tera'ngan! I have no idea what that even means.
Duh! Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh! Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh!
Then, like all of a sudden, the Holo-Borg attack, and nobody cares.
Duh! Duh-Duh-Duh
Duh?
The End.
And here you thought the Tribbles were trouble.
LeVar Burton is the man, and he don't need no red jockstrap to prove it, neither. You hearin' me, Larry Blackmon? Tell that to all the boys and girls, fella. And while you're at it, you should really do somethin' about that sinus infection. Hologram Hijinks has been a presentation of The Cupid Kinkyboots Fan Club.
I just know this could totally jump start the STNG franchise.
Rick Berman doesn't know what he's missin'.
© 2009 CKFC™Tee
hee!
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December 12, 2009 - Saturday
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Current mood:thrifty
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
Girls, how many times have you opened up your dresser and seen this?
A drawer full of your old nylons. You know how you got more than you really need, but when you're lookin' for somethin' to wear, it never seems like you got enough? Then someday you'll just cull through the whole mess and throw away all the ones you'll never wear again anyways. |  |
But don't do that!
There's only like a million things you can do with an old pair of pantyhose! That nifty nylon fabric is just way too useful to leave languishin' in your underwear drawer like that! So this holiday season, why not put it to good use? In these tough economic times, we all gotta save money whenever we can! That's why you should...
Recycle your pantyhose!
Here's a few money savin' ways
to get the most outta your old nylons : )
 | A little run does not a ruined pair of nylons make.
Got a run in one leg, but not the other? Got another pair just like it? Cut off the runny legs and wear 'em together! You just double up on the panty part. No problemo. Nobody will even know the difference, unless the colors don't match. And if the colors don't match, who cares anyways? Get out there and make a fashion statement of your very own! Can you imagine how Christmasy cute you'll look in your own custom-made elf tights? You go, girl! |
Make crafty little stuffed
dolls and animals.
Talk about a stockin' stuffer! Are you kiddin' me? Who wouldn't wanna get one of these things for Christmas?
|  |
 | Rob a liquor store.
Need
a little extra holiday cash? An old pair of pantyhose makes a great disguise.
Nobody will ever recognize you. I mean, we're talkin' total anonymity here.
Oh, and while you're at it, can you pick me up some scratchers? A roll or two should do it. Thanks!
|
Sell 'em on eBay.
There's plenty of fetishists out there who'll pay big bucks for your used
pantyhose. Just be sure to get 'em nice and sweaty before you list 'em. Maybe
wear 'em durin' your mornin' dancercise routine or somethin'. 1-2-3... |  |
This holiday season, save
yourself some money!
Recycle your pantyhose!
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December 7, 2009 - Monday
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Current mood:  hungry
Category: Food and Restaurants
So Saturday night me and Rick Springfield went out on our first date.
First date? Then what do you call your little Tuesday night tryst?
Oh, that doesn't count. That wasn't really a date date. More like a little get to know you session, if you know what I mean ; )
He got to know you pretty well, if you ask me.
Well, I didn't ask you, so mind your own business!
So like I was sayin' - Me and Rick Springfield went out on our first real date and we moseyed on down to City Walk for a little movin' picture passion.
 Big monkey, light up!
We got tickets for that new Armored movie but after the first ten minutes it kinda sucked so we bounced into Brothers instead. But Brothers blowed so we blindsided the ushers and snuck into The Blind Side. And guess what? Strike three! Don't pass GO, don't collect $200. Wow, Rick Springfield! These films are all so lame, and we haven't even made it to the 'C' titles yet! So what do you think? Is it gonna be Ninja Assassin or 2012? Let's try 2012, Cupid. I always like a good disaster movie.
And what a disaster it was!
I think maybe you were bein' a bit too picky.
Well, maybe I was. But it all worked out in the end, 'cause in 2012 I got to hold Rick Springfield's hand durin' the giant tidal wave : )
Um, it's called a tsunami.
I'm gonna tsunami you if you don't quit buttin' in!
Yikes!
So anyways, after our somewhat less than satisfyin' foray into this Fall's festival of falterin' flicks, we flopped into Ricky's hot rod and zoomed down the 101 for the short trip back to Hollyweird. What're we gonna do now, Rick Springfield? I dunno. Take you home, I guess. But it's barely even one o'clock! It's way too early to go home, fella. Let's go get somethin' to eat! Okay, Cupid! I know a little place we could go to.
We skipped over the S&M (otherwise known as Santa Monica for all you non-kinksters out there) Boulevard offramp we would've normally taken to get to my place and continued dutifully along the freeway in a downtownwardly direction. We took a detour near La Placita Olvera and ended up at Won Kok, a Chinese joint a couple blocks away.
 Pretend this is at night.
Won Kok's got all the hallmarks of a great Chinese restaurant. The big blue 'C' from the Health Department plastered in the window warns you right away what you're gettin' into. Sticky tables haphazardly wiped down. Oops! Somebody forgot to pick up this dirty spoon. Wet plates and tea cups straight from the dishwasher to your table with nary a towel dry in between. And what's that funny smell? It won't hurt you to sit down on a few grains of leftover rice. I love it.
We shopped around for a table and found a suitably romantic spot near the window. Outside, the cops had just pulled somebody over. Busted! Now Cupid, they could just be doin' a routine traffic stop. Routine? At this time of night? In this part of town? I don't think so. They don't make you get outta the car and sit on the curb when they're just doin' a routine traffic stop. Maybe you're right, Cupid. Oh, I know I'm right, fella. Tell you what - Let's move to another table. Just in case. Somewhere as far away from the window as possible. That one over there looks good. Next to all those Sheriff's Deputies.
We re-situated our overly-cautious selves and I scootched my chair up real close to my handsome hunk o' hunky handsomeness. Together we took a little look see at the menu.
 Mmmm, pork.
What do you wanna get, Cupid? Oh, just about anythin' you want, fella. 'Cept seafood, I don't like that. Or those really weird Chinese vegetables. I don't like those, either. And I'm not too keen on duck. Yuck. Or that really hot stuff. And never, ever, under any circumstances whatsoever, order the House Special. I don't care if they offer it to you for free, or even if you're starvin' to death. You just don't eat it. There's never any way of knowin' what they might put in there. Talk about mystery meat! You ever hear of a Chinese laundry? What do you think happens to all those missin' socks? Uh, Cupid? What? Sorry to interrupt you, but is there anything you do like? Why, yes. Yes, there is! I like you, Rick Springfield!
Awww...
The waiter brought our food and we had 69 right there on the table. You know what the square root of 69 is? Ate somethin'. And we did, too! Sweet and sour pork. Yum! It had to be like the bestest thing I ever put in my whole entire mouth! At least since Tuesday night, that is ; ) This kinkybooted girl never had it so good!
Sounds like you had a really good time!
I sure did! After our little wonton adventure in fine dinin', Rick Springfield took me back to my place and I had Won Kok for dessert. That's right, I brought my fortune cookie home with me. I can't wait to play my lucky lotto numbers!
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December 3, 2009 - Thursday
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Current mood: surprised
Category: Romance and Relationships
So Rick took me over to his place. A cute little single in Culver City. There was this gold record hangin' on the wall over the bed.
Whoa! This thing is just way too cool, fella! Where'd you get this?
My mom gave it to me. Look at the name.
What's it say? Rick Springfield? No, wait - Are you kiddin' me? Is your name Rick Springfield?
Yeah, that's my name. Rick Springfield.
No way! You're really Rick Springfield?
Well, not that Rick Springfield! Heh! I'm just named after him. My mom was like a huge fan, back in the day. She was a groupie, hung out with him all the time. She was totally into him. They did it a couple of times -
Sounds like he was totally into her too, if you know what I mean.
Heh! Yeah, I popped out about nine months after that.
No way again! You mean you're like Rick Springfield's bastard son?
Well, I prefer to call myself illegitimate. But yeah, he might be my dad. Maybe. Mom slept around a lot. She never got a paternity test either, so there's really no way to know who did the deed on me.
That's an awesome story, fella!
Yeah, my own little claim to fame. Heh! I might be the son of someone famous. Me, Rick Masters.
Wait a minute - I thought you said your name was Rick Springfield?
It is! Springfield is my middle name - Like in Rick Springfield Masters. Get it?
Got it, Big Rick! And I do mean BIG! Tee hee! You want me to leave my boots on, or take 'em off?
Leave 'em on. I think they're hot.
I'll do everythin' for you, Rick Springfield!
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December 2, 2009 - Wednesday
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Current mood: hungry
Category: Parties and Nightlife
So me and Darlene were at the meet market lookin' for some meat. Hey, Cupid! Look at that hot hunk over there. He's totally checkin' you out. Why not go say hi? Please, girl. I never go say hi to guys. They go say hi to me! A girl's gotta have her standards, you know. Tee hee! Yeah, but Cupid, I can tell that guy really likes you. You think so? Like, duh! He's practically droolin' all over himself! Okay, Darlene. Let's go say hi to him ; )
I took girlfriend by the hand and led her over to the Incredible Hunk. It wasn't too hard to get his attention as we passed by. Hi hi, wink wink. He caught me by the arm. Where are you going? Oh, me and my friend were just gonna go get a drink. You wanna go with us? OKAY! Didn't have to ask him twice!
We got to the bar and Hunk ordered us drinks.
So, uh, I'm Rick! What are your names?
I'm Cupid, and this is Luscious.
Pleased to meet you!
The bartender brought our drinks. While Rick was settlin' things, Darlene took me aside for a little girl-to-girl chit chat.
Luscious? What the hell, Cupid?
Sorry, Darlene. It was the first thing that came out.
Yeah, but Luscious? You make it sound like I'm some kinda pornstar or somethin'!
Well...
Oh, c'mon, Cupid! I only did that once!
Look, Darlene - I think me and Rick are gonna need some quality time together, if you know what I mean.
Got it, bitch. Good luck! Let me know what happens!
Rick picked up where Luscious left off...
By the way, Cupid, I really like your boots!
I do too : )
Heh! So, uh - So where'd your friend go?
She has to get up early in the mornin' for a test.
Oh, is she in school? Are you in school, too? Or do you have a job?
Yeah, I work.
Where?
I work at the straw factory.
Straw factory?
You know, where they make the drinkin' straws.
No way! What do you do there?
I'm in quality control.
Oh yeah?
Yeah. You know how sometimes you get a straw with a little hole in the side and it won't suck right? Well, it's my job to make sure that doesn't happen.
Really? You're kidding me!
Yeah, I am. I really work at the factory where they make the lids.
Heh! You're too funny, Cupid! I like you!
Let's get married, fella.
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