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PLAIGERISING THE BBC REVIVAL: VOL. 5. 
(Text directly quoted from news sources in bold type)

NORTH AMERICA NEWS

ACTRESS DEMI MOORE has confessed to indulging in an unusual alternative therapy - blood-sucking leeches.  Her husband Ashton Kutcher was slightly offended by this characterisation.

NORTH AMERICA NEWS

Justine Kenzer, a Los Angeles-based psychic for 16 years, is changing with the times by offering readings via instant message.  She does not use the predictive text feature on her phone because that would be cheating.

Italy’s Court of Appeal has issued a new hands-off landmark ruling - outlawing men from scratching their crotches in public.  There is a 200 Euro fine for this indecent act.  Notably however, it is not illegal to scratch other men’s crotches and all a man with an itchy crotch who wants to avoid persecution need do is ask a friend for a helping hand. 

After a one year haitus, the news jokes are back.  Welcome to:

PLAIGERISING THE BBC REVIVAL: VOL. 1.  (Text directly quoted from the BBC in bold type)

SOUTH AMERICA NEWS

Fidel Castro has retired and left the running of Cuba in his brother Raul's hands.  That's quite a gift - a country!  Raul's intended birthday gift for Fidel this year (A 'World's Greatest Brother' ceramic mug) is looking pretty shabby.

AFRICA NEWS

NORTH AMERICAN NEWS

More writings of Daliso Chaponda available at www.daliso.com

PLAGIARIZING THE BBC: VOL 6

(Special &:!@ Censorship Special)

(Text in bold is quoted directly from the BBC)

UK NEWS 

The government has announced plans to make the possession of violent porn punishable by three years in jail. The exact definitions of what is 'too violent' are yet to be agreed on.  "Some behaviour is clearly unacceptable," one official, whose eyes were not visible, has said.  "Fisting for example is a no-no.  Watching it encourages men to punch the private parts of women.  Strangulation is also problematic as it can cause neck difficulties, while research has shown that binding and gagging of romantic partners can lead to serious breakdowns in communication.  Other activities such as light spanking or spitting in a sexual partner's face may be allowed as long as they are done respectfully." 

Turner Broadcastings childrens' channel Boomerang is cutting all the smoking scenes from the Tom and Jerry series as they feel children may emulate the cartoon characters behavior.  Children should not be encouraged to think smoking is an acceptable thing to do after whacking someone with a hammer and blowing them up with dynamite.

ASIA NEWS

In a Pakistani village, a rampaging mob burned down several houses after hearing tenants had destroyed old magazines containing Koranic verses.  Environmental Conservation groups of Pakistan are now running around writing Koranic verses on every sheet of paper they can find.

NORTH AMERICA NEWS

An architect of Iraqi descent was forced to remove a T-shirt that bore the words "We will not be silent" after a number of passengers complained about his shirt before boarding a flight to New York.  Directly following this incident, several male passengers objected to a slogan printed on the T-shirt of a large breasted female passenger.

more writing by Daliso Chaponda available at www.daliso.com  

ASIA NEWS

The Jewish community in the Indian city of Mumbai (Bombay) is outraged by a new restaurant named 'Hitler's Cross'.  It opened last week in the city's outskirts,  displaying a giant poster of Hitler at the entrance.   The restaurant features a Hitler themed menu including the delicacy, Aryan rice served with Gassed Salmon.

Five people have been detained in China for running striptease send-offs at funerals, state media say.  The defendants claim they were just trying to put the 'fun' in funeral.

USA NEWS

The US space agency has given the name "Orion" to the manned exploration vehicle it intends to send to the Moon.  Is it just me, or aren't we all a little tired of names for space ships drawn from Greek Mythology?  Why not name the next one "Bob"?  

Toy and replica guns could be banned from sale in Dallas in a bid to halt the rising tide of violent crime in the city.   Youth inconvenienced by this law will have the option of filling the void in their cabinet by stopping by D-Rays Sporting Goods and buying two Benelli Nova 3.5 pump action shotguns for only $299.

PLAIGIARISING THE BBC: VOL. 4.  (Text directly quoted from the BBC in bold type) 

Denmark has topped the list of the happiest countries in the world in a study published Tuesday despite having Europe's second-highest suicide rate. This is not as surprising as one might initially think; the two are related.  Depressed people in Denmark have to endure the added turmoil of being surrounded by irritatingly jolly people 24 hours a day.  They are driven to kill themselves to escape the torture.