Coaching in the Kitchen

One show I just love is Jamie's Kitchen. However, it is not the cooking that I get into ... although I do love a good recipe ... it is the fact that they are actually DOING something for the youth  'on the outer' in Australia, the so-called Lucky Country. Jamie Oliver should be given honorary Australian citizenship for this!

This is also a passion of mine, especially the ADHD & Dyslexic kids or those with another learning difference. For many of these young people they have struggled with the education  system, often their families, they often lack the social and emotional competencies that their peers have. For years they may have been put down, ostracised and be led to believe that they are worth nothing.

What most people see is a kid with a learning problem, or should I say difference, but they fail to try and find out what they are good at or passionate about. They put them in the too hard basket and move on to the kid that is an easy choice. Some of these kids need more attention and a different way of teaching. Often they are gifted in a particular area and just need someone to recognise this.

Having trained as an ADHD Life Coach some years ago, and also written on the topic for years, I felt there was still a need to be met that not too many people in Australia have experience in. Most of the ADHD kids, in particular, have no idea what the traits are, the strategies you can apply, the good side and the bad of having these traits.

That's where I come in. I teach life skills to these kids that have a neurological problem. So, tomorrow I venture over to Fifteen headquarters for a meeting with the Director, Lauren. Being ADHD myself, I have a better chance of gaining their confidence than a 'normie' (someone who is not ADHD, Aspergers, Tourettes, Dyslexic - quirky personalities in other works).

This is my life's work in the truist sense. Working with the kids and young adults, watching them finally 'get' something that has made no sense for years is a blast! A more loyal group of students you won't get. Once you have proven to them that you understand what they are about, the more they will bend over backwards to please you.

So next time you come across a struggling kid ... don't discount them as too hard, especially if considering employing them. Delve a bit deeper, find out how they learn best, put in a bit of extra time and you just may end up with the BEST worker you've ever had ... and a loyal one at that. I tell you, it is the best feeling when you see them a few years later, married with a child of their own, successful, happy & with life goals.

Anyhow, I hope that I can inspire whoever it is I may get to coach at Fifteen in Melbourne ... I just hope I can tone down my own quirkiness so that I am allowed to help!

Private School Wars

In today's Sunday Age newspaper, on the front page, accusations were flying about Haileybury College in Keysborough, Victoria, 'stealing' top female students from neighbouring girls' schools, by offering them scholarships.

Being a parent of one of the girls about to transfer to Haileybury in October, I thought I would give a perspective from where we sit.

The "aggressive campaign" that the Sunday Age refers to did not happen, except in the eyes of the schools that are losing the students. We were never pushed by Haileybury, chased or cajoled. They treated us with respect & were simply helpful.

The only aggressiveness we have heard of has come from other schools intent on blackening the reputation of Haileybury. The "escalating competitiveness between the private schools"  appears to be on the side of the schools trying to keep up with the Haileybury vision.

Some of the private schools are now going 'co-educational', with another school's representative being seen driving around Haileybury grounds, blatantly trying to promote that their school now takes boys, with banners across the vehicles!

I heard from another parent of a girl going to Haileybury, that the school that her daughter attends had threatened to fail their daughter in year 11, so that then she would not get the 'S' needed to pass the year and therefore attend Haileybury.

These schools seem more intent on retaining their numbers for the sake of their school, instead of making the transition to Haileybury as stress-free as possible for the students and their families. The dollars they are losing is a major factor in this 'war', the students' welfare is secondary and their average ENTER & school ranking everything.

As regards the "generous government funding", more students may mean more money for the school, whether the students are fee-paying or not, however, has it been forgotten that the two TOP secondary schools in Victoria, also happen to be academically elitist, and regularly 'pinch' the private schools' best students from year 9 onwards?

These are, namely, Melbourne High School & MacRobertson Girls' High. You canÃ?t tell me that these schools don't get as much money as Haileybury. Do we hear the Haileybury bleating about their losses in year 9, with potentially their future year 12 top students leaving?

It is a fact of private school life - these top government schools steal private & government school students at a crucial time in the child's academic life. These schools don't complain, they just accept it without question. A slight double standard in my book.

When schools talk of "the needs of the young people we serve", and how detrimental the shift to another school will be, they contradict themselves by not serving the children by having Haileybury banned from taking part in GSV (Girl Sport Victoria) activities, so that the students will not be able to play against other private girls' schools so easily. In effect, they are punishing the students for wanting the best schooling.

How can this be in the best interest of the students? To me, it smacks of bitchiness and bullying,  two of the behaviours they are trying to be rid of at schools. All I can see is these schools are setting a bad example to the students by enforcing this sports ban. It is ridiculous & vengeful.

So, some schools are finding "the loss of students disruptive & disconcerting"... for whom - the administration at the school or the students? Some students are disappointed at friends leaving, it's only natural, but if their social networks are strong enough, this won't be a problem.

One principal says it is "offensive if Haileybury took credit for the year 12 achievements of the girls next year". What about the full fee paying students who are going there, to enable them to have the best teaching and small class sizes ... the effort that Haileybury will need to put in to undo the damage caused by some schools' bad advice and teaching methods? They will have to accept the consequences of this too.

Also, how can scholarship offers be deemed "dirty tricks" if we are looking at giving girls a chance at the type of education their parents could only dream about? Haileybury has always been held on a pedestal in our house. We were lucky that the timing was right to apply for a scholarship, at our daughter's insistence, I might add.

Our daughter presented a very good argument for applying. She had been researching what the school was really like, through the eyes of current students, the boys she knew there. Haileybury's own students were advocates enough for the school, and what better way to find out what it is really like?

Not content with taking the school's word for it, we also spoke to a few students, and were very impressed with the enthusiasm these boys had for their school, especially when one said "the teachers are more like friends, they really care about us as individuals".

More intellectual' pursuits, like chess, moot courts & debating are pursued by 'popular' kids as well. Being intelligent is looked upon by other students as a positive quality, and not something to be ostracised about.

These kids enjoy thier intellect. Sure, there is the 'jock' mentality there, but there is equally the academic side as well, especially in the senior years. It is, after all, about kids discovering what they are good at, nurturing that side of themselves & exploring the possibilities that may await them in the future.

One boy told us that the Haileybury environment helps students to be the very best they can be, without fear of being picked on, unlike his previous private school that made his life hell, not only by the students, but also the teachers. If you did not conform, and were an individual, then consequences ensued.

At the orientation night, which we were invited to for the year 12 girls coming into Haileybury (even though at that stage an interview had not taken place), the one thing that impressed us was the way the teachers talked to the new students, they did not talk down to them, but to them, with respect and enthusiasm. They didn't need to sell the school, the attitude and culture were evident in everything they did & said.

We would have done an injustice to our daughter by NOT considering the possibility of her going there. Financially, we were so strapped it was hurting us, as we sent our girl to a private school this year as the public system had failed her dismally. The prospect of a scholarship seemed a long shot.

Here we had a very smart & talented daughter, yet she thought she was average, even after being accepted in an accelerated class at the local government  school. It destroyed her confidence in her abilities when she entered a regular class, she lost her momentum and she did not attain her all the skills needed to be very successful at school in her senior years, thus being given a good chance of gaining entry to university.

Haileybury, by having small class sizes and a wonderful culture, is already having a positive effect on her confidence, even before she starts. She is genuinely looking forward to the move, and basically canÃ?t wait for October 23! This is due mainly to the attitude of current students & the head of drama. The day she was offered the scholarship, boys who saw her there were contacting her that night, one even inviting her to take part in school activities in the future.

All the planning for the transition to the school has been aimed at the students. Attractive uniforms, a new cafe replacing the canteen there now, mixed and single sex common rooms plus a welfare system in place that will be second to none. Our girls are there to set the standard and act as role models for the 2^nd set of graduates in the girls' school. Haileybury also appreciates them for making the move & admires their fortitude.

So, before the media starts to admonish the efforts of Mr. Pargetter and his team at Haileybury, maybe they should look at who is doing the bullying tactics, the bitching and seeking revenge - these schools' actions do not dignify a response from Mr.Pargetter.

I feel fortunate that my daughter will be attending on scholarship, will be in the group of the first 'Old Girls' and we feel thankful that this opportunity arose.  

She's Graduated to High Heels

On Friday night, my 16-year-old daughter, She Who Would Be Obeyed (SWWBO), finally went to her formal. The first formal she went to was to Haileybury this year - she didn't want to go initially because she did not think she would fit in. Back then she was not a 'girly girl'.

After the first formal experience, she decided that she really did want to do her school formal. At first she did not want to 'conform' to the school culture, which basically meant doing a full production number - hair, dress, shoes etc.

She also decided that she wanted to lose weight, which had been slowly dropping off, but at the previous formal she was still restricted in what she could buy. She gave herself a goal, made a plan and stuck to it. I just wish I could lose weight the same way; insulin resistance and menopause are a bastard.

Her other BIG 'want' was to have her braces come off before the event ...The braces came off, the whitening kit came out and slowly the new woman emerged.

Even now, I just cannot equate to the physical person I am becoming, and although I do not agree with 'going under the knife' and abhore needles, I have to admit that a bit of 'maintenance' is gaining appeal. The only thing I have done is colour my rapidly greying hair.

Now, I am not into girls rapidly losing weight, as this normally means they crash diet. SWWBO also started working at Domino's Pizza, which you would think might make losing weight a problem .. Not my Girl! She lost weight more rapidly, and having more money in her pocket , gave her incentive to look at the nice clothes she could buy.

Slowly, her waist appeared, the childish tummy went, her face thinned and her eyes became bigger. Beautiful, bright, blue eyes like her DadÃ?s. Slowly my little girl was shrinking - even her feet lost weight!

How did she lose weight without starving? She did this by simply reading the dietary information and restricting her fat intake. She still was able to have take-away once a week, roast dinners & lollies. She said 'no' more often to cakes and fattenign things. She lost 10 kilos the last couple of months and 18 kilos the last 18 months.

So, in the 2 weeks prior to the formal we shopped for shoes and a dress, booked the hairdresser & spray tan. We did things every mother should do when they have a teenage daughter. Finding a dress that suited her proved difficult at first. I was a make-up artist for a number of years, so she had no problems in that department!

SWWBO has one feature that everyone remembers her for - her hair. A glorious red mane of curls that definitely had the WOW! Factor. This time, instead of going natural, she wanted her hair 'done'. We watched Date Movie and saw THE hair style.

That night, I watched my little girl transform into a beautiful, young woman. Not one for accepting comments, I knew she would have to get used to it after that night. SWWBO was finally getting into the femininity thing, frocking up and wearing 'heels'. 

The shoes were the catalyst for this change, I think. Sparkly, silver high heels that set off her newly found legs (thanks to a spray tan!). Being a redhead, my girl's only successful tanning attempts were her freckles. Now she saw how the other half (or 3/4 of the population) lived.

I have to admit, the makeup was a complete success! She has lovely features, so they are easy to work with. She has never considered herself one of the 'pretty girls', but I always knew that one day she would feel comfortable with her looks.  Her wonderful personality, the zany, witty (although often caustic humour) side of her persona attracted people.

The next morning, when I collected her from the sleep-over, the hair was still up and the same makeup was still looking okay. SWWBO was really dragging out the event! Intent on making the most of her new found look, she STILL has the hair up, even this morning and on her way to tennis practice! Talk about getting your moneyÃ?s worth out of a half up-do!

And isn't nature cruel to Mothers? As our daughters emerge as 'beautiful young things', we slowly sag in the wrong places, have hair growing in noticable places (usually invisible to OUR eyes), and slowly our features fill out until we start resembling another person. Still, if nature wants to do this 'transfer' I won't object ... but I will bitch a bit!

Yes, my girl is now a heel wearer. She loves the height it gives her and the way it makes her legs look. I never thought she would get out of her flats, but she has, and I don't think that little girl will make many more appearances from now on ...
 
 

SUCCUMBING TO THE ALMIGHTY GOD BLOG!

I'm in the mood for a whinge about bad English in blogs, new values, crap in food, ungrateful kids, the Education inequality, the GIMME generation & using the computer as a 'bargaining tool'!

At every opportunity, my kids attack the computer keyboard with passion. What I don't like is their attack on the English language, bastardising whole words into a form of shorthand.

I thought 'blogging' was a way of them increasing their writing skills - instead I find a form of internet text messaging that is fast becoming a type of illiteracy.

Yep, it gets stuck in my craw, or should I say TGMTS! I'll leave that one for you to work it out ... leave suggestions in the comments!

"Get with the program Mum! This is the new millennium!"

Doesn't mean I have to like it! I LIKE the old values. I LIKE food that is slow to prepare. I LOVE getting down the beach box on my own - no kids, nobody but the birds, ants, water & preferrably blue sky or I don't go there ...

I DON'T like all the crap they are putting in our foods. I like foods without additives, making my own bickies (with butter) & organic herb tea. There are enough known chemicals in our lives without having to add those that we can obliterate (like Aspartame .... stayed tuned to my war on Aspartame!)

And don't you find it strange that in this age of medical miracles, that the more medications being invented the more sick people are getting? Anti-biotics have been used to such an extent that Superbugs are taking over. Health has gone full circle back to when people became sick and either recovered or possibly died ... or worse, become a victim of disease. Or possibly build up a tolerance to that infection. There's a thought ...

What about mental illness ... let's just give them yet another tab! Forget that they are working that bloody hard trying to pay for the extra petrol needed to scoot the kids around to the sports and after-school activities. Or maybe the VCE student (students sitting for graduation from high school) is being pressured to do too may subjects in one year - let alone the threat that if they don't get a high ENTER (entrance score that predicts if they will get into the course they want), they won't get into a decent university.

And what is it with MARKING DOWN subjects, because they may seem a bit easier that others? Tell that to a kid with a reading disability or ADHD. Some kids can remember anything, and others take a bit longer but are none-the-less as intelligent.

And don't get me started on our education system that discriminates against intelligent kids who can't read adequately or do basic maths. All because they don't assess low enough. EVERY child should have teachers that are trained well; unfortunately this doesn't happen. Instead the system pushes them through when they are failing, further creating kids with self-esteem problems and feelings of inadequacy.

30 years ago, when I studied towards the equivalent of year 12, called the HSC, there was no pressure on us to go to university, just a comfortable job, maybe in an office - you only expected the very smart to go to uni. And to think I'm in 3rd year of a psychology degree!

What about the GIMME generation?  Gimme gimme gimme ... gimme take-way every night ... gimme the latest Play Station ... gimme Globes. Gimme a headache and panic attack while you're at it! Some parents don't realise that 'no' only has 2 letters ... and the consequences of saying yes all the time are far worse than incurring the wrath of their little blighter for a few hours

Now, I can't complain about my kids compared to some other families. I know of Mums who give their kids Maccas whenever they want it - and do tell me how do they do this when they complain about financial difficulties???

It never ceases to amaze me when I see unemployed people walking around with a ciggie at the end of their yellow stained fingers, then buying Charcoal Chicken, picking up a slab of beer and THEN they stop for a play on those stupid, mind-numbing, addictive games where you win a cheap, fluffy toy or a mini, chocolate bar? I swear, you see this at our local Bi-lo shopping centre. Often the kids have no shoes ... but Dad or Mum has a slab ...

Then I get my kids asking "How can Danny afford the latest X Box and we can't?"  We choose not to waste out money on high visual content gadgets - the most we have is a PS1 (occasionally used) and a DVD player. Our brains are not made for all the visual assault of video and computer games ... we are breeding a generation of lethargic, unfit & unmotivated kids in normal life.

The kids know my views on things, although it doesn't stop them from working on their Dad. Manipulative little buggers! They do have the 'essential' of the 2000's: a computer. But don't you think that this obsession with MySpace (I sound like such a hypocrit!) is getting a little out of hand? "I want to see if I have been commented ..." What the?? Shouldn't it be "I want to see if anyone has  left comments ..."

In my home, the use of the computer is a privilege and not a necessity. They have to earn the right to get on, unless it is for school. That means no MSN messaging, no MySpace ... just checking emails and research for school unless they have done something (eg. homework, something to help us) to earn time on. God help them if I catch them!

Actually, the computer is a useful tool for parents! Ever withdrawn the use of the computer so your teenager has to use BOOKS to research? Blackmail is a parent's tool, just as bribery is ... and anyone that says bribery doesn't work, doesn't have a teenager! And isn't bribery just another name for incentive or reward?

I want things simpler; food that tastes like it should, parents that can come home and eat with their kids & a veggie plot in the back yard. Once this was an idea .. now it is a dream.

...And I want 1999 petrol prices (John Howard ... 3 strikes and you are OUT!). Make that 2001 ... I'm not unreasonable