Thursday, October 22
Learning, studying and writing are the themes for the day. You may be investigating taking up a new course involving some form of communications, media, or public relations. If you are a writer, stay at home and pound the keys. You could have a best-seller hiding in there!


Thursday, October 22
Don't worry. No matter far down your throat you jam your foot today, your words will still pop out smelling like roses. Just be careful when signing documents or sending out paperwork that calls for action. Chances are excellent that you will have to be doing some serious re-writing

I know guys got some strange things going on in their heads but this guy...he's got a few ads on craigslist...never asks for sex...this is what he wants...

"I have always had a fantasy....I come to your house and do some minor cleaning while "clothing challenged". I am an attractive, fit man 6'0" and 180 lbs and told I look like a model, but I'll leave that up to you. I do think you will enjoy the experience as much as me.

This is not a service for hire and there are no fees or charges. I am doing this as a way to simply fulfill my longtime fantasy."

My sons made a mess of the kitchen last night...I wonder if they came home to mom's new naked cleaning guy if they'd stop being pigs and clean up after themselves...oh this idea has a lot of merit! lol

Do they call photographs snapshots anymore? Or is it all pixs? I think I will start using the word, snapshot seems to say something while pix is generic. When spoken it could mean a couple of things. The meanings of not just words but the world is being shorten and lost by the use of shorthand. Laughing has become loling. This is a world where people who claim to be readers and love literature, can't be convinced to read a book longer then 350 pages...and if they do...even if they like the story...they still complain about its length. They want bullet points and skeleton outlines of what happened. Adjectives are in danger of extinction. The color and nature of language is eroding...worn away with OMG, thx, and plz.

I went to Mary's Place last night. Mary's Place is one of my favorite bars. Its the oldest bar in Rockford...that is their main marketing slogan. There is music there...that makes me fond of it. Its a place that touches on nostalgia for me...no matter how long the smoking ban has been in effect, when I walk into Mary's it still has that tavern smell I remember from childhood...a combination of cigarette smoke, wood and spilled beer. It reminds me of going out with my dad and uncle on summer friday nights back when I used the word tavern...and the word bar would have seemed foriegn.

That smell is strange...its only noticeable at that moment when the door first opens and is always replaced very quickly by whatever other smells are in the room. AT Mary's that tends to be a mixture of b.o. punctuated by the occasional sewer smell that woofs through the room. That smell is only in bars that have longevity...if you go put a bar in an abandoned taco bell...you have to wait decades before you get it. Its not the level of housekeeping that decides this...its years of booze and whatever else people that frequent the room bring with them, that seeps into the floor and walls...nothing takes it out. Its there.

Mary's is that kinda place...it has the authentic tavern smell that it should. It is authentic in all ways. The low ceilings. Half the bar stools wopple and the vinyl seats are torn and slashed. The restrooms are appalling...the door jam is so messed up you're never sure if its looked.The customers are varied...this bar has its own personality that is unaffected by its customers. Day customers are different from those that come at night. Even from night to night....its different people. Its usually good for randomness and people watching even if the bands aren't very good that particular night.

Bout 1 out of 4 trips to Mary's, I tend to comment that Mary's is weird tonight. I don't know why I make that comment because in general if you look around, weird is the norm at Mary's. Last night was like that.

When I first got there, Danielle and I went to the bar. There was no bartender. I couldn't see him in the room. He was absent. That was quite unusual and strange. I wasn't dying from thirst so I was fine waiting and checking out what was going on. It wasn't one of those "demons from hell" nights that I've occasionally experienced at Mary's...anybody who is empathic at all knows what I mean...if such a thing as portals to hell actually exist on earth...I do believe that Mary's is one. The door seems to only open at certain times but sometimes it feels as if there's strange energy there...its just passing through...completely uninterested in the people that are there...occasionally it stops and has abeer on its way out but mainly its focused elsewhere. Its not a good energy. It wasn't that sort of night...just random things that you barely notice in Mary's

I looked at the people in the room while standing next to a Harley guy who was drinking hard and I could feel he had the mean drunks. He'd been there awhile. He had the meanies but he didn't feel dangerous...he had staked out his space as his own...a stool and about a foot and a half of the oldest bar in Rockford. He wasn't noticing anyone there and as long as nobody intruded he would not be a problem. He was wearing the Harley rider uniform...jeans, white tee, boots and bandanna wrapped around his head. He stared at his area...his by virtue of his squatting there since before the sun went down. He had two shots on the bar...looked like teaquila...a beer and a cell phone sitting in front of him.

Danielle and I stood there commenting about the room. The strange older couple by the door...the older gentleman was playing a game of chess with a younger guy...she was a picture of feminine annoyance...her guy was so engrossed in his game he was oblivious to her displeasure. A few people playing pool. Someone we hadn't seen for a long time who has completely changed their apperance...gained a bunch of weight and changed their hair so much it seems intentional. All pretty mundane.

All of a sudden the phone on the bar in front of the mean drunk glowed. He reached down and pushed the button to read the message. It was the only movement I saw him make before he left...he read the message and then uttered a string of cuss words...two words on that screen infuriated him...prodded him out of an alcohol induced stupor. I saw the two words that enraged him. Just two words that moved that which seemed unmovable.

"Miss you"

Absolutely every parent bitches about how much their kids cost them. I do it but in general its the things I buy them and the money they need to go out with friends. I'm not a "lights mom" or a "bitch about the phone bill" mom. I bitch about the things they ask me to buy em...the walk around money and movies and whatever money. Food waste drives me nuts...so much of my grocery bill is just dumped out...milk left out...2 liters of soda with caps that weren't put back on so nobody will drink em. I know the bills could be lower...I have repeatedly walked into my kitchen to find one of my offspring has pulled a chair up to the refridgerator...standing there staring into the open fridge is too much effort....the poor child is hungry...he may collapse while deciding what looks good. I realize that may have an effect on my electric bill but I have no idea how much.

I was raised by a female version of Cold Miser, Bernita turns her heat down to 55 in the winter...55 is a speed limit not a temperature that I can survive in without developing hypothermia. My real dad...Darryl is one of those you better pack a sandwich dads...it don't matter where you are or what you are doing...he is not paying to eat out. Only exception to that rule would be an amusement park that doesn't allow coolers to be brought in...when faced with the choice of getting the most out of the money he spent on admissions for 6 people or leaving the park early to prevent children from going faint from hunger...he'd keep his eagle eyes open all day for the most affordable way to feed everyone and that's what you ate.

As a parent, I did not want to be a cold miser...freezing your ass off inside your home is no way to live as far as I'm concerned...and eating out??? Oh I love eating out...so do my babys...there's no buying a bag of Cheeseburgers and everybody get half a fry to share...they order what they want.

This morning I got the mail and my water bill. $49??? What??? Its usually 100-120/month....what the hell changed? I dd have a water leak that has been stopped and then fixed since May...maybe that's it but there's an even bigger drop in water use in my home after the last week of June.

What happened in the past month? My washer machine broke. For three weeks my two eldest sons have been unable to do the thing that I've been bitching about for years...the "doing a load of laundry for one pair of jeans" thing. Its not that there isn't other laundry that could be done...its sitting there in the laundry room looking at them saying "wash me!"...they do the wash just the item they want to wear the next day thing because I have a rule that if you start it...you finish it...that means nothing left in dryer getting wrinkles. Hang that shit up...fold it in a basket.

How often were my boys doing that? Almost daily...they have favorite clothes and want to only wear them. They didn't even combine their few items into one load...they did two a night. My relatively new washer machine was getting a lot of wear and tear...I do wonder it that did contribute to it breaking.

A $70 dollar drop in my water bill...assuming the leak had something to do with it...the water to the leaky pipe was turned off May 30 and I didn't see a huge difference in the bill in June....I'll make it $50 saved by not having a washer for three weeks. They like doing just their clothes...hmmm...I'm thinking of giving em a laundry allowance...let them carry their shit to the laundry room across the parking lot...they can still bring it back and dry for free...they are only here 4 days a week...four pairs of pants 4 shirts and some undies and socks??? I'm thinking that's one load per kid...that's a buck twenty-five a week...times three...3 dollars and seventy-five cents...a month??? $15. I'm so far ahead in this deal at this point, I can do my own laundry and even throw in some Tide and those laundry softener sheets they are so fond of and still bank.

Colt wasn't a part of this issue...he's 11 and wearing dirty clothes don't bother him one bit but this won't hurt him. I figure my men can haul their own laundry out to the paid per use machines and back again for a few weeks...maybe see what a pain it is...maybe putting 5 quarters into a machine for one wash will teach them to wash a full load...maybe.

I think I have the answer to solving that problem. The sitting in a chair, letting all the cold air outta the fridge problem??? I need ideas.

I wanna play kickball!!!

I did the dishes and feel somewhat entitled to be self indulgent.


1. What is your middle name? I'm gonna give myself a new one for my divorce...of my own...I'll let ya know when it official. 

2. What size is your bed? Queen...but its no longer the princess in the pea bed due to an unfortunate accident...its just mattresses on the floor...that saddens me.
 
3. What are you listening to right now? the music from my son's video game...that unnerves me.

4. What are the last 2 digits in your house phone number? I don't have one. That fine with me.

5. What was the last thing you ate? Mac-n-cheese. That bores me. 

6. Last person you hugged? Spidey. That's too long for a hug. Hug me fuckers.  

7. How is the weather right now? Great for mid May. 

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Lindsay. That makes me happy. 

9. The first thing you notice about the Opposite sex? no idea 

10. Are you irish? The Chapmans, Huggins and Avis were irish, so yes. Duh 

11. Do you want children? I have some. 

12. Do you drink? yes....many things 

13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night? I have and then part of the next day. 

14. Hair color? Real??? I'm a strawberry blond 

15. Eye color? hazel, green in bright light...brown in dark 

17. Favorite holiday? halloween

18. Favorite season? summer...when we have that sort of thing here in Illinois 

19. Ever cried for no reason? oh yeah...or for reasons I'm not aware of...at that point 

20. Last movie you watched? ????...no idea 

21. How many mirrors are in your room? my bedroom? 2...hmmm...been thinking about new ideas for my bedroom...seventies bachelor pad is on the list...more mirrors would be appropriate 

22. Do you know any fall out boy songs other than "sugar we're down & dance dance? uhhhhh...no!

24. Do you enjoy the sensational taste of starbucks? I like diner coffee...with lots a cream and a packet of pink. 

25. Does the word "horcrux' mean i don't know? yes I do...its a magically thing or person that holds a portion of a person soul so a part of them never dies.

26. Do you have any friends of the gay preference? not preference...I believe they are gay by birth 

27. Do you think jesus is great? jesus is an alright guy in himself...what people do in his name is not alright 

28. What do you want on your gravestone? Acta est fabula, plaudite! Its plagiarism but fuck if I care...I'm dead anyway.

29. What books are you reading? I need one 

30. Piercings? just my ears right now 

31. Top 5 favorite movies: no...don't want to.

32. Favorite college football team? Go Hawks 

33. What were you doing before filling this out? Dishes

34. Any pets? 3 fish and a rat 

35. Do u like anyone presently? yep

36. Favorite flower? gerber daisies, Dandelions, lilacs, lily of the valley 

37. Have you ever been caught doing something u shouldn't have? yep...I do things I should be doing from time to time

38. Have you ever loved someone? yes

39. Who would you like to see right now? I'm having a nice chill day 

40. Are you still friends with your ex's? some of them

41. Have you ever fired a gun? yes

42. Do you like to travel by plane? yep

43. Right or left-handed? right

44. What are your regrets? I have some but I'm not focusing on them 

45. How many pillows do you sleep with? there's a bunch of em...how many end up under my head is random

46. Are you missing someone.. yes

47. Do you have a tattoo? a few 

48. Do you still watch cartoons on saturday morning? naw...its wouldn't be the same anyway...cartoons on Saturday morning used to be special...now you have cartoons whenever you want em. BORING! 

49. Are you hiding something from someone? yes. soon. 

50. Do you play an instrument? naw

51. What instrument would you like to play? hmmm...not sure...never thought about it

A couple of these rugs stand out...




and these....




nothing screams sex kitten like a red dress...



So yeah...Culture Shock has a much bigger store with a whole bunch of new stuff...two doors down from their old location on Charles street...you should go and take a look!

Thank you middle man for the giggles! As written by my son, Jonah....

I spent today asleep, sick in bed. As I slept I had what may possibly be the most awesome dream anyone has ever had. It started out normal, you know, getting chased by the girls track team, but after an unknown number of hours it became awesome.

I was at the mall, I don't know how the hell i got there (maybe I ran there whilst getting chased by the track team). Anyway I was with my brothers looking at stuff when I decided they were fags and I was going to go look at stuff by myself. In a store, I noticed what appeared to be a retarded gentlemen telling his friends they all had to get out of the mall via the west entrance of the mall. All the retarded gentleman's friends agreed and headed west. When I asked why they were listening to a retard they told me he was psychic and knew bad shit was about to go down. If this had been real, I would have said "LOL these guys are listening to a tard." but since this is dreamland, I was incredibly concerned and went to find my brothers to tell them the news.

I ran as fast as I could to the last place I saw my bros. I heard Alex's voice and cried out to warn him, but not before scary dudes in black suits were pointing guns at the crowd. They told us to get on the ground, we all did. Out came the boss man. He was a tall, pale white, bald dude.

He explained, "Until we find the guy, we will kill one person an hour, and any motherfucker who talks or tries anything funny."

The dream had just become a nightmare. Surprisingly, person after person thought talking was a good idea, and they were shot. As I put my head down and thought "man, fuck the guy, he must be a prick" People all over got up and started running. The Blacksuits couldn't handle it. I elected to hide in the candle store up on the second floor till the police came and saved me. This was, in short a stupid fucking idea. awhile after I started hiding a Blacksuit lady came into the store. I kicked her gun out of her hand. She started screaming "help it's the guy, it's the guy!

To which I responded "What the fuck is a guy, no I'm not the guy, I'm not the guy.”

But she didn't feel like talking, no she punched me in the face, So I grabbed her by her hair and threw her over the ledge. I grabbed her gun and went to get the fuck out of the mall. I remembered the west entrance idea so I headed for it. The west entrance was unlocked, and full of people trying to escape. a Blacksuit with a sub machine gun was shooting up the escapees so I rolled behind a car and started shooting at him. Having never fired a pistol in my life, it was pretty amazing that I hit the Blacksuit from across a parking lot. I patted myself on the back and decided to leave.

However I could not leave because a ghost buffalo thing was blocking my path, it said "Jonah, your brothers are still in there, become the guy, save them!", I obliged the spirit guide American bison and went back into the mall. I headed up the the 2nd floor. I was near a little bank like the ones in supermarkets. Blacksuits started firing at me with automatic weapons so I jumped behind the bank desk to find 3 cops, themselves with assault rifles hiding behind the desk.

I said, "hey, what the fuck are you guys doing" to which the boss cop shrugged. I asked them to stand up and fuck up the Blacksuits with me on the count of three. 1..2...3.... The cops and I stood up and fired at the Blacksuits. Blacksuits fell like flies, I lined up the boss in my sights, and shot him in the chest. The firing stopped, The cops and I were unharmed. The cops went to go arrest the surrendering Blacksuits, and I went to take a look at the boss's corpse. The boss was still barely alive.

The Boss Said "we'll fucking get you guy"

I replied "get fucked, asshole" and shot him in his face.

After all that I decided the best way to get past all this stress was to get an ice cream bar, I opened the freezer in the store behind were the Blacksuits had been fighting and found my brothers hiding inside of it.

 

I said " hey guys I came to rescue you"

Colton said "sweet thanks"

As I stood there happy as a boy could be then FUCK! a member of the track team was on me and before I could run she caught me, and asked me if I really was the guy, To which I replied, "yeah baby, I am the guy."

Of course my dream didn't stop there, later I did some boring magic shit and went to dunkin doughnuts and samples of doughnuts were growing on shrubs, you know normal stuff. ,P.