Okay, the subject line is said with all sarcasm.

I seriously doubt if ANY of the ladies who email me are even REAL!

They spend all of this time and energy to come up with descriptions about themselves and yet their MySpace profile is still set at generic default and only SuperAnnoyingTom is their only friend?

And they want to just blindly give them my email address or yahoo chat username?  RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!

Tell you what Miss "I Am Single, Never Married, Have No Kids, 32 years of Age,6"0ft tall and about 128 Ibs, i am looking for someone loyal,Honest,Kind,caring,humble,God fearing,submissive,passionate,romantic,loving,love
s to show affection and loves to cuddle,looking for someone who will have more time for me while is at home.. and so on. i will like us to know more about each other" (and also can't spell or use proper grammar), I will give you my email address...

... but only if you come here IN PERSON!

That's right... no phone calls, no Yahoo IM, no email tag... IN PERSON!

PROVE TO ME that you are who you claim to be in the pictures.  PROVE TO ME that you are what you claim to be in your email message.

But of course that's not an option for them, which is why I'm willing to make that kind of challenge. 

First of all, in all likelihood, they're not in the state or town or even COUNTRY that they claim to be in the profile.  If they read my profile (which they didn't) then they would know that I REFUSE to even HEAR anyone wanting to set up a long-distance relationship. 

And second... they're probably NOT LADIES!  They're butt-ugly dudes working in some cyberspace boiler room running one scam after another trying to make money they have no business earning.

This is one of the chief reasons why I am about ready to chuck this whole "social networking" bit... because the only people I seem to get emails from ARE FRAUDS AND GRIFTERS!!!

---

Update: I've decided from now on that I will be posting ALL of the spam messages here.  I will not be giving names or spam addresses, but this should show you the level of junk that I have to deal with.

I'm not a fan of Twitter.  I get a little tired of watching people announce that they are on the service.  Of all of the so-called "social networking" services that are out there, this is the big one right now, so it's getting all of the attention.

So you have people who send quickie messages about their lives and what they are doing right at that moment.  It's designed to be short.. something like "I'm ordering pizza"... as if that is supposed to be a monumental event.  And you have all of these people putting out these notices about what they are doing.  Big celebs!

Okay, first of all, if you're a celebrity and you are an active Twitter user, then you don't get to complain about the Paparazzi!  Because what you are doing at that point is you have BECOME your own Paparazzi!  What you are doing to yourself is no different than what the hired stalkers are getting paid to do!

Second... WHY?  Look, I have my own list of people I would love to know more about, people I would LOVE to spend more time with, but having them send in quickie messages about what they are doing at the moment IS NOT spending time with them!  It's not the same as actual physical human interaction!

A couple of years ago I got a chance to spend a weekend with my friend Jenny.  (No, definitely not THAT kind of weekend.)  Long weekend, plenty of people there, some music, some beach, some time in the hot tub... but even though we had conversed via email and IM and the occasional phone call, I was able to enjoy my time with her in person more than YEARS of remote conversations and snippet messages.  Talking over coffee and tea at 7am face to face beats a MILLION Twitter notes!  No amount of remote communication can ever come close to substituting for actual human interaction.

And by the way, the same applies to all of the other forms of social networking that I have come across... whether it is MySpace or Facebook or LinkedIn or any of the spam-happy groups.  Despite the hype, I have yet to gain any kind of physical interaction because of these social groups.  In fact I would dare say that many of the people that I have come across have treated their social networking groups as SECOND-CLASS people!

Let's put it this way... would REAL friends annoy you like the pseudo-friends do?  Would your REAL friends send "pokes" and "sheep" at you in the real world?  Would your REAL friends encourage endless spam?  YES I encourage people to listen to my radio show on ShockNet Radio, but that show is a part of who I am and what I do.  And YES I encourage my REAL friends (how few I have) to listen in as well... even though most of them don't.  But I'm not sending messages every minute of every day telling people to sign up five new people just so each of them can tell you to sign up five new people and listen to all these different radio stations and, oh, yeah, I like pepperoni on my pizza...

That's not communication.  That's exhibitionism... not to mention borderline narcissism. 

So, no, I will probably NOT be getting a Twitter account anytime soon.  Maybe someday that will change, but not right now.  And PLEASE do not ask me to join any other social networking groups other than the ones I am already a member of.  ESPECIALLY GROUPLY!  (Those Spamholes need to be dumped down a salt mine.)  And if you don't know which groups I'm already a part of, then ASK ME!  I'm not that hard to get a hold of.

That's a little something you may have heard of called COMMUNICATION!

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog...

There are some brand new teaser posters for the new live-action "GI Joe" movie due to come out this year.

My problem, though, is with the colors and the overall scheme. All-black battle armor? For everyone? How will you tell everyone apart if they're all dressed like Batman without capes?

These guys need to be careful about how they do this, or else this will be a discount direct-to-DVD release.  Remember "Van Helsing"?  It wasn't the plot that killed that movie... it was the obsession with the night and blackness.

Think back to the cartoon series, guys!  Think back to the action figures!  Add some color to the characters!

"Mmmm... you smell nice.  What is that aftershave?"

Or so said a lovely young woman I met recently during a very close encounter.

Actually a few women have told me that they liked my aftershave, and then they ask me what it is, and they laugh when I tell them that I really don't know what it is.

Well actually that's not the complete truth.  There are times when I DO remember what the brand is.  But why should that matter?  If it smells great on me and they love being around me because of it, then it really shouldn't matter, should it?

Listen, I wear what I wear because it does what it is supposed to do, which is to make this tired old mug appealing to women.  And if it enough to make them want to come home with me (which is YET to happen), then more power to me!

I think that part of the reason why certain women want to know is because they want to then get the aftershave for their boyfriend or husband so THEY can smell great and THEY can end up exploring the big-bang theory with her.

What do you think?  Let me know!

Maybe it is because I'm burned out mentally and I'm trying to get a million things done at once, but I'm getting really bitter about this whole "social networking" junk... and part of it is because of all of the useless crap that is coming with it!

Okay, first of all, Tom, please SHUT UP AND GO AWAY!  You're not on my friend's list, you haven't been in my friend's list for quite some time, so why the hell are you still butting in with the "friend's updates"?  Stop butting in!

Second... apps.  I only used one app so far.  That was for the whole PG-rated political striptease trivia stuff.  And it was cute... for a while.  Then suddenly it didn't want to work and nobody wanted to fix it!

I'll make this really very simple... if you don't want to spend time on the app, then just end it!  Don't ignore the comments by the people who use it and who try to promote it and are getting burned out by your failure to give a care.  It's bad enough nobody in Washington really gives a care about us.  We don't need these stupid MySpace apps not giving a care as well!

Third... bad emails.  I've gotten three suspicious emails from women from different parts of the country who say they want to get to know me.  Two of them out-and-out claim to love me!  Riiiiiight!  They also claim to spend some time in Africa.  Oh please how many red flags can you give me?  And then of course they want me to email them at some third-party address, usually a Yahoo one.

"Hello NBC?  Can you connect me to either Chris Hansen or the producers behind your To Catch An Internet Thief series?  I think I have some new candidates for you to track."

Here's some free advice... when you're as mentally and emotionally burned out as I am over relationships, you're not going to walk into a long-distance relationship over the Internet to some blond girl who says that she "loves" you even though she  never met you in person, and is spending time in Africa.

I am not here for a long-distance relationship!  They are unfulfillable for me.  I want someone that I can know in person, and someone who is serious about it and is not just playing me for some money.  I got played by the best, and they did so with g-strings and garter belts.  That's a pretty high bar to beat.

Okay, maybe I'm off base on some of these things... and if I am, then please speak up!  And if you're nodding your head and agreeing with me, then go ahead and speak up even louder!  But I'm getting a little tired of looking at the stats and seeing 20 views and no comments and no kudos.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm sort of not really catching on with this social networking stuff. I've seen people use bulletin boards to mass-post tons of articles from people. I've seen blogs that don't really reflect what the poster is thinking but rather relaying what OTHER people are saying. There aren't too many people willing to send an EMAIL asking how I'm doing. They would much rather brag about their weddings, engagements, pregnancies.

Plug a website, that's fine. But do you really treat your REAL flesh-and-blood in-person friends the same way that you treat the people on your friends list?

Maybe MS and the others should just change their lists from "Friends" or "Buddies" to "Mild Acquaintances" and "Just People".

Well I've started what some people think is long overdue... I'm getting back into working out.

Yes, as you can tell from my picture, I obviously carry "a little" more weight than I should, and unfortunately part of the reason is because I haven't been able to work out like I needed to. 

A few years ago I really screwed up my left knee and ankle.  I got up one morning and suddenly I had no strength whatsoever on my right leg so I started going down.  My left leg wasn't ready, so it twisted and I sprained both my knee and my ankle going down.  It was very painful and uncomfortable for a few weeks and I had to get along on crutches and a cane for a while.  This has since made any kind of strenuous walking difficult for me.

Another problem I had was the lack of facilities and time.  When I was commuting 100 miles a day to and from work, I didn't have the time to work out.  I needed that time to drive.  Then when I had the time, I didn't have the means.  I have a bad experience with gyms.  The last gym membership I had didn't last, because I ended up moving to a place where I couldn't use the gym without having to drive long distances to get there.  And I'm finding it hard to come across a gym that DOESN'T want you to sign a long-term multi-year contract with them.

Fortunately my apartment complex HAS a gym, and it's just a flight of stairs and a quick sidewalk trip away whenever I want to work out.  There's no extra costs associated with this gym because I'm already paying for it through my monthly rent.  I figured out when would be the ideal time for me to work out on a regular basis, I got some new workout clothes and now I'm into the second week of my workout training schedule and it feels good!

Sure I'm physically sore right now, but that's good.  I've been down this road before a couple of times, and it's just a matter of me doing two things:

1. Be careful with the running.  Running is limited.  Twisting my knee and ankle wasn't the first time that I hobbled myself.  I also sprained my right ankle back in high school.  That also killed a lot of my running.  So I have to be careful with any kind of legwork.  The treadmill has been very helpful for me here.  I know some folks say I just need to work outside, but working out outside has never really helped me.  The treadmill has.  I have to go with what works.  I'm still trying to find some way to vary the legwork, but I can't do that at the expense of having my knee go out.

2. Variety.  I can't be doing the same exercises in the same pattern and the same emphasis every day.  I need to put some emphasis on one part, then less on another day.  For instance, Sunday was a heavy treadmill day.  Yesterday was mostly free weights.  Today was a lot of work on the cable machines.  Tomorrow is a rest day, and then on Thursday I'll switch things up again.  Give the muscles a chance to build and also a chance to heal.

I'm not planning on looking like a bodybuilder.  Right now I'm just trying to get active again and keep things going.  We'll see how it all plays out in time.

I'm going to go over a short list of themes that REALLY have used up their 15 minutes about two hours ago.  The word "overused" woud be an understatement here.

(1) ZOMBIES: ENOUGH ALREADY!  I am sick and tired about hearing about frigging ZOMBIES!  No more zombies!

(2) Vampires: They're getting way too close to being the next overkilled theme.  We get it, you want to have a brooding goth-looking Batman-like figure with Superman powers and a thirst for a certain red liquid.  Oh, and they all have to be hot.  Have you noticed they don't show UGLY vampires unless they're EVIL vampires?

(3) Global Pandemic: Yes, we get it... there are way too many killer bugs around that could some day kill us all.  How often do we need to be reminded of it, though?

(4) Global Pandemic AND ZOMBIES!  'Nuff said on this one.

(5) Omnibus parody movies: If there is anyone who is ever associated with the creation, producion, or distribution of "Scary Movie" who is STILL looking to pay their rent, can you PLEASE do us all a favor AND FIND ANOTHER GIMMICK?  I don't want to rag on the long career of Leslie Neilson, because he's really done some good stuff in his time, but if he's in your movie then you probably won't find me watching it.

Okay guys, those are my top five overused plot gimicks.  What are yours?

Here's something that has been bugging me... what's up with the empty teasing online?

For instance, MySpace has been hyping this "Roommates" video series, and they've really been playing to the libido with suggestive descriptions, but when you actually see the video, it's LAME!  I mean worse than broadcast TV LAME.  Worse than standard cable-TV lame!

They hype a threesome and then have the particiapants so drunk they don't partake.  They hype "naked vistors" and then they just insert a naked couple - with blur bubbles no less - and then spend time BITCHING about it!

I mean, come on guys!  There is a difference between ANGST and "Oh god will someone PLEASE call Dr. Kervorkian!"  I mean, what do you call it?  The actor's version of Mad Cow Disease?  My cat produces far better quality material when he visits the litter box.

And what the hell is up with the blur bubbles in the first place?  Folks like me didn't fight the good fight for free speech all the way to the US Supreme Court back in 1996 and 1997 just to see this empty pathetic Bowdlerization of online media!  What happened to the stark reality of JenniCam?  If you're going to have nudity, KILL THE BLUR BUBBLES!  If not, then STOP THE FALSE ADVERTISING!

And it's not just the bad pseudo-reality shows, but also the online videos.  I've come across many a video where you see pretty much a whole plethora of young women booty-shaking - BADLY, I might add - and call that "R-rated".  "R-rated" for whom?  Senile old Grandma Jones?  The Taliban? 

Listen, if you're going to put on a show for the camera, then the least you can do is pick up some videos from Carmen Electra first so you can know HOW to put on a show without looking like you're having an epileptic seizure.  Even Demi Moore put on a better act than some of the college-age ladies.  And she also didn't play "Hold The Goodies" when the camera was on.

Just got some great news about my show "Brutally Honest on ShockNet" that I posted over at the Brutally Honest blog site!

I also got the archive site up for the radio show, so for those of you who missed the first broadcast of my show, you can check it out.  Just look for the link on the right that says "Radio Archive".  I also posted one of my little audio creations there, so you can check that out as well.

For those of you who haven't been listening to ShockNetRadio.com of late, I finally gave out THE BIG NEWS.

But it's not here... it's at my Brutally Honest Blog.

Still, click on the link and go visit it.  You'll also hear my new teaser for the show.

Oh, and let me know what you think of the new pics I posted in the gallery!  There's a little bit of story behind it, but I can't thank Cynthia Kaye enough for coming through for me.  She's more than just a photographer... she's an artist.  That and she's VERY easy on the eyes.  I've got her up in my Friends section if you want to see for yourself. 

Well I won't give you the FULL list of what I got for Christmas, but I DID get some pretty good stuff!

Probably the most functional gift I got was a new blanket for my bed.  I've had the same light-blue blanket on my bed since I was a child... back when the bed was a whole lot smaller... and had footboard that twisted my feet when I got older.  But I digress.  Anyway, the new blanet actually matches the color scheme of the sheets and the rest of the bed.  And that's really neat!  I love it!  Now it's just a matter of trying to see if my cat will love it too.  He's part of the reason why I've had to keep that old blanket for so long.

Let's see... what else, what else...?

Gift cards!  One was from my best friend from when I lived in New Hampshire.  He's more or less an "adopted" member of the family, so we all give him gifts and cards and he does the same for us.  The other gift card came from my bill-paying job.  It's their way of giving a "bonus".  At least it's not a Jelly of the Month membership.  Plus I was able to pick the store.  It's not one that I visit often, but it's one that I would use more readily than the others on the list.

Let's see.. what else?

Bag of M&M's!  Hey, those are good too!  Well they're good for mindless munching and a quick chocolate rush.

But perhaps THE BEST gift... that HAS to be the complete set of the past three seasons of Doctor Who!  GREAT sci-fi series from the BBC, recently brought back to life thanks in no small part to the SciFi Channel.

Oh it's going to be FUN watching those again!