For set up sake.

We let the kids go to kid only pool time last night. We figured this is a good way for them to meet some friends for school. What nice parents we are. We even let them stay there until 9 pm. Of course they were the first to be picked. O well.

Everyone is home. Kids are changed into pj's when all the drama begins. I knew it would happen. It happens every time they pass the window of their normal bedtime (8:30). All of a sudden they are afraid of everything. They are going to throw-up. They start the ugly cry. When I say they I really mean her. Poor thing.

By this time we feel like complete crazies. We ourselves are tired. We do not want to deal with drama. We just want you to go to bed.

The night in this home gets ugly. There are strong words shared. I don't mean shared in a nice way either. Carly spouts off that "we are the meanest parents ever" and "we don't even love her" all because we are making her lay down in bed instead of sleeping next to the toilet all night (in case of throwing up).

This is where the exchange happens.

At the point of her ugly words (she is 10 and kind of hormonal so give her a break) I would usually spout of go to bed in frustration and leave the room for her to cry her heart out. She would be hurt. I would be hurt.

Tonight as I listened to this go down something different rose up within me. I thought about how I have been spouting those same HARSH statements to God. Because of this, this, and that, "You must not even love me…", or "You must love her more"… and so on. It is true that I have been battling some things out with God. He knows my heart.

As I thought of my own raging battle I also thought of the way He deals with me. The way I should deal with her.

Carly, I love you even if you do not want to hear that right now. I know that you know I love you. I know you don't believe that we are the worst parents ever. I know that you do not mean what you said about wishing you were never born (Yes, she said this too). I forgive your for saying these hurtful words. I am not mad at you. Not one bit. I only love you.

She calms and lays her head on the pillow.

Mom, will you pray with me? (in a soft tone and tears streaming)

Amen.

::

Are you battling right now? Bring your stuff to Him. He is big enough. His love is bigger and contains more grace than our little minds could begin to conceive.

(Your name), Know that I love you. Know I made you special. I gave you specific dreams. I cherish your laugh. I enjoy your words. I know you love me. I know your heart. I love you, not in spite of who you are but because of who you are. I am here. Always.

He is good. Actually, Better than good.

At our last camp I had the awesome privilege to have a girls only session. It was a lot of fun and lasted more hours than we could have imagined. I shared a story about my life and talked about how God chooses us each individually to be his one. He is so cool that way. After the quick "lesson" we went into a question and answer session. The girls had a whole day to turn in questions under their counselors pillows. It could be a question about anything. Let me just say that after doing youth ministry for 10 years the questions still blew me away. I am not sure why. I have heard them before. At one time they were even my own questions held in the deepest pocket of my heart.

That night proved to not have enough hours to answer our questions. Because of that I have decided to answer, or try to answer, some more on here. I will be missing my panel of counselors so if you would like to chime in please do so in a comment. I would love it.



Question.

(Written on a crumpled piece of notebook paper and folded many times)

How do you not be alone or lonely?

(Can you feel the emotion in her sweet words?)

::

Thoughts.

Loneliness is worldwide. I really do not think there is a person that does not feel the pangs of loneliness. It seems that as women, young and old"er", we are sent on a search to find the ultimate filling to our deep well. I think this search is the ultimate romantic gesture from a lover God to his bride. Stay with me.

The feeling that loneliness leaves on us shows that we have a desperate need for another. For one particular other. The need is so great. We would almost do anything to quench this feeling. If you are like me then you search your world high and low leaving no rock unturned. You find things that seem to ease the moments but in the end they are meaningless. We were never meant to be alone. never. Our soul was created with a longing for relationship. The best way I can describe loneliness to another is being lovesick. Hear the voice of God wooing you to himself. God does not make us lonely. It is just what we are away from him. He is the only true filling. We may find relief in friends, parents, boyfriends/husbands, although this is good relief it will not quench.

Read and really hear the words of the Psalmist.



Psalm 42.

1 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. 2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? 3 My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" 4 These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. 5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and

6 my God. 7 Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. 8 By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me– a prayer to the God of my life. 9 I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" 10 My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" 11 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.



His words are literally striking to me. You can hear his actual longing for his other. You can hear his loneliness and his fear of simply being left alone. He cannot turn away because he knows the love of his God. It is a love that leaves him panting and stirs the thirst of his soul.

I can vividly remember the long nights after a terrible high school break up. Just take a moment and humor me here. Envision the high school me (insert VERY big hair ) sitting on my daybed. I have one hand on my phone and the other hand is holding a wad of snotted up toilet paper. I have been crying on and off for hours all the while listening to sunny 99.1 call in requests. My young heart is thirsting even panting to hear the voice of my former other. The phone sits in hand just in case it would happen to ring. It doesn't. Alone and lonely I sit. I sit for hours on end.

These exact emotions are what sent me into a journey that I am still riding to this day. It all started with a teal bible and a random girls devotional book I picked up. There was no magic in the devotions I read. There was just an overwhelming desire to quench the thirst and know true love. In the weakest moments of my life my Lover God sat next to me wiped the tears from my cheeks and wooed me away with him. He still does this today. There is no greater romance.

I promise.



Answer.

I am pretty certain we will all experience the emotions of loneliness or the fear of being alone. I am also certain someone will be sitting next to you. He will be waiting for you to try Him. With love in his eyes he will dare your lonely heart to abandon all your fear and search him. Journey with him and you will not be alone. ever.


Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Ernest will be working with Adventures in Missions fulfilling his dream to mobilize students to see Jesus in Mission work. Our desire is to be the hands of feet of Jesus. We not only want that for ourselves but see the responsibility to share that with our younger generation.

We were having a little lunch chat with a friend when I realized the fun in the Adventure of all of this. We had been asking for adventure specifically (which I have questioned many times *smile*) and the job we land at is for ADVENTURES in missions. How ironic.

I have now seen the first results of the Photography Business. I have a website and a photo blog. The photo blog has no entries at this point. It will soon. The website is running a little slow so I need to lower the image quality. That too will be done soon. I have learned Photoshop CS3 and the ins and outs of my Canon Rebel XTi. I still enjoy this work, thankfully. I have made the decision to keep this as a part time gig. I think I will enjoy it more as such.

With all this being said...

I am longing to search out a ministry place to serve. I am excited about different opportunities that we have to serve with our church (ecclesia Houston) and AIM. Ministry is there. I am waiting with an eager anticipation to see what ministry God may have for me. Today I feel an almost gleefulness about this whole subject.

This adventure has been a crazy and bumpy ride. Some of the bumps have left bruises. The bruises have left memories where God himself stepped in. I sit in complete awe. Thank you Father for your faithfulness.

with much love,

Debra

I know that I haven't posted in a while...

Sorry.

So much is going on. It has been in motion for a long time but the actual turning is something crazy.

We are moving out of this ministry to something new. We have no clue what that is yet...which is quite weird. Sometime last year (around August) we felt that God was telling us that this school year would be our last in Abilene. We still had no clue where God was going to move us or how this was going to come into play but in silence we prayed and prayed.

It seemed like this was just our imagination and timing did not seem to be right due to other staff changes. On top of that we did not have a job to go to. Money is pretty important sometimes.

So we press on with prayers.

We joined the AYC. (abilene youth coalition) That was the best move we made while here in Abilene. Vision is an understatement. One day while leaving from a meeting one of the guys ran out to Ernest and shared a word that the Lord gave him. He said that God told him to tell us that what we had been praying for is on the horizon and will happen soon. He said a lot more that really spoke to where our heart is. Amazing. Strange. Different. Good.

When Ernest told me I was shocked. SHOCKED. I have never experienced something like that before.

Every year we have shared our vision with our Pastor. He has known from day one that one day our desire was to be youth communicators. He is in agreement with our desire and believes this is the gift and talent we have.

This year he came and talked to Ernest about timing. The timing is good for a transition. If there could be a good time this is it. He had no clue what we had been praying for or what had been spoken over us. God is awesome. He sets all things in motion and carries them out to completion.

Completion.

That is where we are wandering. We are waiting for conformation on what move to take next. Our house is for sale. The new (amazing) couple is here. Still there is no complete direction on our heart. I truly believe that he wants us to put our feet out in the water and then it will part.

We had been asking for a Great Adventure....

So all I can say is Here we go...

We are here on staff until the end of July...it has been a great 4 years.

Matthew 22:37-39

Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'


I have read this verse many times yet the other night something struck me afresh. To love God then Love people, that is what we teach. It is right. It is pure. I do believe that is the way to be Jesus to those around us. I know that the love has to come from God because let's just be honest do we really desire to love others. Especially others we don't know or even worse others that we don't like.

Here is where something jumped out as fresh. We are suppose to love our neighbor (others) the way that we love ourselves. Something occurred to me. What if we don't love ourselves? What if that is the biggest struggle in our daily life? It is more than true. If we have yet to love ourselves through the beauty of God's eyes then we cannot love another. We love ourselves when we are secure in the love from our heavenly father. When we learn him and see that what he made it good.

Here is what my brain has been throwing around. If I am secure in the Love of God...If I am secure in the Love of my Father God. Then I am free to love my friend. I can love her unconditionally because I am secure and I do not NEED her love back. I can stop searching for something to complete me. Guess what? It can stop being about me. It is all about My love for God and showing his love to her.

This may be nothing new to you. At this moment it is huge to me. I can dance in the love of my daddy God and be FREE to love. I know that to love others is hard. Do you see love for others evident in your life? I think it is a direct mark on us showing our love for our God.

I don't know about you, I want to love him much. More and more each day.

If you find yourself in the place of little love for yourself. Go to God. Ask him to reveal his love to you. Ask him to make himself huge in your life. Grab a bible, a Christian friend, and or your parent. Reach out. Run to HIM. He wants you to know him. I will go even farther to say, He wants you to see yourself the way that he does. Message me and I will pray for you.

How can we change the world? By giving out his LOVE.

Butterflies were racing in my stomach as I sat and waited for her turn. My daughter was going to do a cheer/dance in front of a large crowd and I knew that she was scared. As I was waiting I began to think about the love that I have for her. It is more than I can express. If you are a parent you know what I am talking about. My thoughts began to wonder on the the way that my heavenly father loves me. Loves us. I often tell my little one that she is my favorite girl in all the world, that if I could hand pick any to be mine, I would choose her. In essence that is what my father glazed over me tonight. Afresh. I love you sweet child. You are my favorite. If I could choose of any I would choose you.

I wanted to share this with you, he feels the same way about you. He loves you. You are his favorite.

I needed to hear his voice today...maybe you did too.


One last thought. When she finally reached the stage, I watched her with much determination. Nothing would take my focus off of this sweet one. As they were waiting for the music to start my husband yelled out her name to show his love for her and her above all. Our God loves us that big. He knows when we are scared and feeling overwhelmed. He is watching and some moments he even yells out our name with great pride. She's mine, and I want everyone to know.

Love him back today.

Thanks to all of you who commented on the ROMANCE blog. Here are a few of my thoughts on Romance!


I am known to be a hopeless romantic. I love it. I love the way it makes you feel, the starry eyed images of love, just everything about it. I believe that God is a romantic as well. He created me that way. Even if we do not want to admit it, there is a bit of a romantic in all of us.

Just like Jesus searched out the men that were to be his disciples, he searches us out. He desires you. He wants to have relationship with you. That is the very reason that you were created. He wants us to leave everything aside and follow him. The romantic part is that he creates us with the ability to choose him or deny him. He wants us to love him. It is more than believing in him. He wants us to choose him. If we could have our pick of any in the world, would we choose relationship with him? That is what he desires of you. After all, that is what kind of relationship that he is willing to give you. You are the apple of his eye. Can you even fathom that?

My guess is that you have heard this all before. If I am right then you are in the same place where I was. I heard people talk about their relationship with God and to be honest I thought…"whatever". I really did not believe that it was possible to know God on that level. More than that, I thought it couldn't happen when I was young. Like you, I have seen a lot of things, and I have been hurt by a lot of people. I can just tell you that my trust was hard to come by. I was almost scared to believe there could be more to my relationship with God. I was scared that I would be let down. I just did not think I could handle that. If you are like I was then I urge you to make a different decision. Try him out. Open your heart to him. I am living proof that relationship with him can be alive and vibrant.

He had been pursuing me all along. I did not see it. One day, I decided to search him out. I wanted to know if this was real. Over time I began to have this relationship that others talked about. My reason for telling you is so maybe you will believe that it is possible and search him out for yourself.


What is going on in your life? Do you feel hurt? Are you looking for something or someone to make you complete? Is it not working out so great?

**GOD**

He wants you to see that other "things" and "people" cannot make you happy. He wants you to search deeper. Nothing or no one else will complete you. This is a desire that can only be met by him. You are his beloved. He loves you. He is enthralled by your beauty...honor Him for He is your Lord.



I loved reading all your comments. Most of you are romantics. I thought that would be the case. We are all in search of a prince charming. May we be drawn away to the one who is Love.


**I will be posting some practical ways to "search" him out...Until then get creative and ask him to teach you.**I dare you.**