I have not forgotten what it was like to be single, neither have I forgotten what it was like to be thirty-something and single… and I never will. It was a hilarious and sometimes tortuous time. Thinking of those times is a reminder to me that there are a lot of thoughtless comments and actions that some single people are forced to endure. But I have discovered a weapon that answers even the most callous and inconsiderate of comments. Comments such as: "Aren't you seeing anyone?" or "Aren't you married yet?" or "Don't you have any kids?" or "What's the matter: don't you like men/women?"

I recall all kinds of pressures from well-meaning (and some not so well-meaning) folks with regard to my state of affairs. Even after I was married, some of the same folks tried to apply a different kind of pressure with questions/comments like: "Are you still living in that little apartment? You should be looking for a house!" or "Are you pregnant? What are you waiting for?" And the list goes on.

It occurred to me that had I been able to answer in the affirmative to these kinds of questions and had things not gone well, these same people would be among the first to suggest that I perhaps rushed into relationship/marriage. If I had gotten pregnant soon after marriage, then I'd either have gotten the "hairy eyeball" (you know: that scrutinizing questioning look that suggests the possibility of foul play before marriage), or a raised eyebrow accompanied by "You didn't waste any time, did you?" Or if I had gotten pregnant more times than suited them, they would be telling me, "That's enough now. Haven't you ever heard of the pill?" Or had my husband and I succumbed to the pressure of moving into a big house right away and not been able to manage under the financial weight, these same people might be the very ones to say, "They should have stayed in that apartment until they knew they could afford a house!

My point is this: people may have a lot to say about whether or not you're in relationship/married; or whether or not you've reached (or surpassed) the 2.5 kids quota; or whether or not your living arrangements are suitable for the superficial "got to keep up with the Joneses" folks. But the fact is, you are the one who has to live out that relationship/marriage; you are the one who will be responsible for the children — however many or few there may be; you will be the one who has to meet the mortgage, utility and maintenance obligations every month… not them.

How then should you respond to these kinds of thoughtless questions? You can respond with one powerful word that is pregnant with expectancy: YET! When you are next asked if you're in a relationship or married or pregnant or in a house or any other such question that is designed only to satisfy the curiosity (and sometimes cruelty) of those who in the final analysis are really not significant to the equation, put a smile on your face, hold your head up, look them square in the eye and answer firmly, "Not yet!" (Then swiftly and purposefully head in the other direction.)

Aleathea Dupree is the author of Though The Vision Tarry: Waiting For My Promised Mate and the Founder and Administrator for the Deep Waters website and forum. Copyright © 2007. All Rights Reserved. For permission to reprint, please contact: administrator@deepwaters.info.

View this article online at: www.deepwaters.info/deeper_vol18.htm

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Throughout this year, the focus of this Walking On Water series has been on the power of our words: the ability to use our words to create; the power to bring life or death to our circumstances, health and relationships. As we approach the day where gift giving is at the forefront of many minds, perhaps you might consider giving another very important gift: life-giving words.

During this year, I've learned (and I am still learning) a lot about the power of words. One particular experiment I heard and read about captured my attention. A Japanese researcher by the name of Dr. Masaro Emoto set out to prove that thoughts, words, music and ideas affect the molecular structure of water. While I am not promoting the beliefs or philosophy of Dr. Emoto, I am acknowledging some interesting discoveries he made regarding the effect of words on water. He proved and provided factual evidence that as water was exposed to certain words, the molecular structure of the water changed to reflect the words it had been exposed to. Water was frozen and photographed before and after the exposure to various words and an interesting pattern developed: water exposed to good, loving, or "beautiful" words produced beautiful molecular patterns in the water; and water exposed to bad, hateful or "ugly" words produced hideous and distorted patterns in the water.

When I heard about this experiment, I began to consider the fact that most of the human body is made up of water. The human body is actually two-thirds water—approximately 70%. If we are made mostly of water, and words affect water, that means as we speak, our words are literally affecting our bodies. Think about that for a moment… Consider again the question I asked at the beginning of this series: what are you saying? How are your words affecting the molecular structure of your body and the bodies of those around you? Are you speaking life or death; health or sickness?

It's interesting to note how we have adopted so many negative phrases in our everyday conversation. "You get on my nerves!" "That burns me up!" "I'm just dying to…" "That drives me crazy!" The next time you say something like, "You make me sick!" you may literally be telling the truth!

Our words are seeds that produce fruit after their own kind. Positive words produce positive results; negative words produce negative results. The Bible tells us that our words affect our physical health. The book of Proverbs, for example, is replete with scriptures that talk about how our words affect our health. Science confirms it; and we are living the reality of it. Even some members of the medical community have started to employ techniques such as "positive affirmations" to encourage patients to use words to promote health and healing, and it works. The power of life and death is in your tongue.

Aleathea Dupree is the author of Though The Vision Tarry: Waiting For My Promised Mate and the Founder and Administrator for the Deep Waters website/forum. Copyright © 2006. All Rights Reserved. For permission to reprint, please contact: administrator@deepwaters.info.

Did you miss a past article? Visit our archives: http://www.deepwaters.info/deeper.htm

To view sample pictures of how words affect water go here: http://www.deepwaters.info/forum/index.php?topic=634.0

Each time he hears another Christmas jingle, he wants to cover his ears and try to escape the sickening feeling of guilt that grabs him in the pit of his stomach. Christmas fast approaches to serve as a cruel reminder that he just does not have enough to do all the things he would like to do. He works hard and does his best to take care of his family, but just once he would like to be able to do more than just get by. It would be nice to be able to give everyone the gifts they really wanted for a change. Deck the halls…

She didn't even bother to buy any gifts this year. What's the point? It doesn't even feel like Christmas and she certainly doesn't have anything to be joyful about. After all these years of marriage, he has decided to "give her back her freedom." But she doesn't feel free. Depression hovers near like a wrecking ball poised to crash into the condemned building that was once her life. She doesn't have the strength to fight anymore and despair begins to set in as she comes to grips with the prospect of a future… without him. Tis the season to be jolly…

Sometimes he forgets and reaches for the phone to call her. He still can't believe years have gone by since she passed on. It seemed like just yesterday he was sitting around her table with a big grin on his face, reaching for a third slice of her homemade brown sugar pound. He can still see her standing in the kitchen doorway, hands on hips and lips set to pronounce some statement or other that begins with, "Well…" That is one gift he would give just about anything in the world to have a reason to buy this year. Don we now our gay apparel…

If she sees one more couple, she'll just scream! She's so tired of being alone, especially during the holidays. She feels so lonely she can hardly stand it. Even though there is holiday hustle and bustle all around her, she feels isolated, alienated and scared. She's scared that there'll never be anyone to hold her tight and whisper, "Merry Christmas, Sweetheart." She doesn't even have anyone to lament her loneliness to. All of her friends are married now. No mistletoe for her, only prickly holly and she's sick of getting stuck. She wishes she could just disappear. Fa-la-la-la-la…

But… He came, didn't He? Didn't He come to meet our needs and to show us that life is more than material possessions? I think He came… didn't He? Didn't He come to give us strength to get through the hard times? He promised to always be there, didn't He? I believe He came… He came to bring us comfort and to give us hope even beyond this life, isn't that right? I'm sure He came. He came to give us the hope of a purposeful life: the kind of hope that surpasses our present circumstances. Yes! He came! And to each of us He gave the perfect gift: His life. We might not have everything we want, but because He came, we have everything we need. Oh, come let us adore Him…

Aleathea Dupree is the author of Though The Vision Tarry: Waiting For My Promised Mate and the Administrator of the Deep Waters website/forum. Copyright © 2004. All Rights Reserved. For permission to reprint, please contact: administrator@deepwaters.info.

I HAD A "THING" FOR OTHER MALES. "…When I realized my own intrigue with the anatomy of others of the same sex, I thought I was strange." More… View this newsletter online at: http://www.deepwaters.info/deeper_vol9.htm

Most women, I think, would be offended at the idea of being thought of as a man's trophy… and so we should be. But it is, however, one of the highest compliments for a wife to be considered the ornament, or more specifically, the crown of her husband. A woman who is the crown of her husband is a virtuous woman: a woman who does what is right and avoids what is wrong. The husband of such a woman is blessed beyond measure; she is his glory.

A man who has a virtuous wife is blessed to have a position of distinction and honor. Just by virtue of her presence, she identifies to the world that her husband is in a position of headship, leadership, and responsibility. She is a reminder to him of his rightful place. She makes him look good and honors him with the distinction of the extraordinary that in turn requires him to be honored and respected. She sets him apart as nobility: a person of regal descent. She proclaims his greatness just by being near him, by being who she is, and by being in her rightful place. She crowns him.

The wife who is the crown of her husband bears the most weight and honor not when she is won, but when she is gifted to her husband; passed down from The King to the son who gains His favor and His inheritance. Her husband does not determine her worth for she has intrinsic value based on her representation of the King from whom she is given. The wise husband treasures his crown and realizes that the more he makes her shine the more glory he brings to himself. He recognizes that if she does not sparkle as she did when she was first given, it is because of his own neglect, because she is designed to be glorious. Even if her brightness is diminished, the value of her position is not. The wise husband lifts up his crown and places her in her rightful place: the highest and most valuable position, second only to God. As long as he holds his head up, she remains secure. He learns, sometimes by way of error, not to make rash and thoughtless movements, being always mindful of the responsibility of action that her position in his life warrants. He guards and protects his crown with great care. She is his glory.

In the beginning, the husband must become accustomed not only to the glory of his position, but also to the weight of his crown. He may be tempted to take off his crown and take on a less demanding position among the commoners. But, only a foolish person, and one who is ignorant of the greatness of his position, would cast his crown aside or treat it in any way despitefully.

Husbands, understand your wife's place. She is worthy of honor and respect and should be greatly cherished. Wives, know your place. Bring honor and respect to your husband. Crown him.

Aleathea Dupree is the author of Though The Vision Tarry: Waiting For My Promised Mate and the Administrator of the Deep Waters website/forum. Copyright © 2005. All Rights Reserved. For permission to reprint, please contact: administrator@deepwaters.info.

View this newsletter online at: http://www.deepwaters.info/deeper_vol16.htm

I can't stand a know-it-all. Unfortunately, that sometimes means that I can't stand myself! There are times when I think I'm right, and I am right. But there are many times when I think I'm right, and I'm not. The same is true for all of us. Even though there are times when we are right, that does not mean that we will always be right. There is only one Person who is right all the time, and that Person is not me, and it's not you: it's God. The realization of this truth is what God is spending a great deal of time teaching us. It's a lesson in humility.

Humility is a vital key to harmony in relationships. Leaving room for the possibility that we may not be right and for the probability that there is something to be learned from every situation and encounter requires a posture of humility. If we humble ourselves, we might listen more and argue less; we might become more compassionate and less offended; we might even learn a thing or two in the process.

The thing about humility is that it does not have to prove itself because pride and arrogance are not factors. When we humble ourselves, we do not have to prove to anyone that we are right or how much we know; neither do we have to prove that the other person is wrong or how little we think he or she might know. Many marriages, friendships, and other relationships have ended because one or more of the persons involved spent too much time and energy trying to prove his/her "rightness." Seeking to understand is a much better goal in helping to preserve relationships.

If you find yourself struggling with humility, as I often do, it is because pride is an issue. Pride and arrogance lead to fear, shame, contention, foolishness, and ultimately, destruction. Humility—the willingness and readiness to be teachable—leads to understanding, wisdom, honor and blessings.

When I was newly married, an elderly lady offered my husband and I some wonderful advice. She simply said, "Everything does not require an answer." Being slow to speak, slow to anger and swift to listen requires an attitude of humility. Sometimes the opportunity to really hear what another person is saying is lost because the focus is so much on waiting for an opportunity to interject and prove the "rightness" of our own perspectives. We increase the likelihood of acting foolishly when we do not leave room for the possibility that we may not be right or understand all there is to understand.

We don't have all the answers and we're not always right. Being mindful of this will not only save us some potentially embarrassing moments, it will also afford us the privilege of deepening our understanding and consequently, our relationship with others. When it comes right down to it, the truth of the matter is that none of us know it all.

Aleathea Dupree is the author of Though The Vision Tarry: Waiting For My Promised Mate and the Administrator of the Deep Waters website/forum. Copyright © 2005. All Rights Reserved. For permission to reprint, please contact: administrator@deepwaters.info.

 View this newsletter online at: http://www.deepwaters.info/deeper_vol15.htm