I haven't been blogging lately because I'm looking for a more permanent home for the almost daily weird stories of a videogame shopkeeper's life. Meanwhile, the tales have been backing up. Thought I'd trickle out a few full stories into a quick summary for you before I forget them entirely. We'll call this a compendium of "It's Not Broken, You Just Need To Read The Manual. Or The Internet."

"My PS3 is broken. It works fine on my friend's TV but not on mine."
I'll admit that I was stumped the first time that I heard this, but it took three keywords in a Google search to solve the problem. PS3's set to run on a high def TV need to be reset in order to play on standard TV's. So now when someone comes to the store with a "broken" PS3 with this symptom, I hook it up, HOLD DOWN THE POWER FOR 10 SECONDS, and voila! It appears on our standard TV.

"MY PSP game doesn't work."
You're not supposed to actually crack the disc out of its shell. The shell is pretty important.

"My PS3 is broken. It won't shut off on its own, I have to physically unplug it."
I actually had a customer attempt to return a PS3 for this reason. I wasn't even sure if this could be categorized as "broken". Fortunately the user manual explains this, should the user attempt to consult it. It's that pesky power button again. When it's on, just hold it down for five seconds and it will beep and the power light will turn red.

"My 360 is broken. The controllers don't work at all."
Someday we will live in an age where controllers automatically synchronize to the nearest system. In the meantime, we are in the caveman age (and sub-human user age) af synchronizing. This happens more often with controllers than systems, apparently people forgot how they got their original controller to work in the first place. Or they lost their manuals. And their internet access.

"My SNES is broken. None of my games work in it."
I have heard a saying that in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Analogy to my world: In the land of gamers, a weakling who is just strong enough to push a SNES cart down hard enough to engage it with the pins is king.

I am fortunate enough to have FOUR "best friends". We've been buddies for years and years and before I opened the store in 2005 we spent many many Saturdays playing games together, even traveled to several E3 events back when it was a spectacle. But over the past 5 years we've been pretty separated - mainly by distance but also by priorities. So it was particularly awesome to have all five of us together for the first time since (I think) 2003. Celebrating this unexpected reunion, we headed to the quiet of the store's basement for a quick "beer and photo" shoot.

So as we're getting into position for the photo, Kelly - the lone female in this group - says to me... "oh, look at that cute little guy" and is clearly pointing at my genitals.

"Are you pointing at my penis?" I ask, not entirely shocked by the statement.

... Oh wait, I forgot. I had been given a little Fallout 3 promo keychain earlier that day and clipped it to my belt loop, and it was dangling down in about that area she was pointing. In fact, if you look really close, you can see this yellow thing which is certainly NOT my penis, dangling between Kelly and Don in the photo!

"Yes, you have a really little penis!" she says.

OK she didn't really say that, but that would make for a better story, no?

Beyond that, what an unexpectedly GREAT day this month's gaming event turned out to be. For starters, there was no "theme" to it, or anything special planned at all, really. Other than a Smash Bros Brawl tournament which is why I didn't hoopla up this month, knowing I'd be tied up a bit with the local kids. And yet...

Besides the aligning of planets that allowed my old gang to connect again, Panzer Dragoon Saga was traded in for the first time. Two-thirds of the old "NYC Contingent" also showed up. Greg ("geelw") Wilcox and Jessen ("tetsu") Jurado. I haven't seen Adrienne ("achika") Barr/Warmington in quite some time, but that would have been another crazy alignment of stars. Still, very cool to have these guys here together after not having seen them for so long. The exclamation point to the day - my buddy Scott (the guy on the far right of the photo above) had a custom TOILET SEAT designed and installed in the store's rest room. It's pretty hard to describe a videogame-related toilet seat like this, but it is beyond awesome and only pictures can describe it properly: Click HERE

I truly believe my friends are the best in the world. And when I get to see so many of them in one place on one day... well, that's beyond blog-worthy. That's just one of the best days of my life.

Pictures from the day: Click HERE

This guy. A regular customer. A really BIG guy and there's something not quite right about him. He doesn't talk, he doesn't make eye contact, he skulks about the store moving slowly through almost everything and yet touching almost nothing... comes back again today.

He does his usual routine. looks at everything, says nothing. Walks all over the place. He always buys something so I've never been suspicious. He's been "off the radar". Until today.

Today, he ducks behind a blind spot. I always notice when someone does that, but when he does that for a few minutes I walk near that area and go into watch mode.

He's just squatting there. Squatting for a long time, Maybe 3, 4 minutes.

Finally he makes "his move". He shoves something between the wall and a display case, which prompts me to ask him "What do you think you're doing?":

For the first time maybe ever, he makes eye contact with me.

"Ca.. i.. ge.. lady?"

He's mumbling, so I really missed that. "What?" I ask bluntly.

"Can I get later?"

My brain sucks but I actually processed this pretty quickly. He was trying to hide this box in the store because he didn't want anyone to grab it before he came back later when he had money.

I explained that we can hold things, all he needs to do is ask. I have a feeling this alone is a problem for him and I feel bad about that. Then I asked him about the game that he had in his hand a second ago (I have cat-like reflexes to thiefly activities) and was no longer visible.

He reaches behind that hiding spot again and produces the game, then skulks back where it belongs and puts it back. Thief or extremely shy guy? Well, he *did* come back later that night to pick up the item he had attempted to hide away.

You can't make this stuff up.

I'm pretty sure most people get their "15 minutes of fame", and they probably get more fame than this, but I'm happy with my fleeting moment with the people at MSN and the new "Collect This!" program crew.

Better look quick, because I have a feeling that this is long gone in a few days.
http://tech.msn.com/guides/collectthis_videogames.aspx

EDIT: You can now view this on YouTube as well:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXlXmZHyQY4

I was initially contacted via a reference from Shawn Paul Jones, the publisher of Videogame Collector Magazine (with whom I am the price guide editor). MSN was starting up a new online collecting show and thought videogames were an avenue that would not only be fun and relevant to the its PC-based audience but also unexplored. The camera guys came out to the store one day in early June where we recorded the first part of the segment. Very little of the store is seen here, but rather the difficult-to-navigate basement/overstock area. It took them quite awhile to get the camera lighting right for this dingy setting but they're pros - it looks pretty good! All of the commentary you hear prior to meeting the Keno's was recorded down there as well.

Later that day we drove out to my home where "this is where the real collection lies" begins. We spent some time recording me playing. My favorite shot is the synchronized victory on the Punch-Out arcade cabinet. All in all, the video stuff took about six hours, and it was all compressed into about a minute and a half!

A week or two later I drove out to NYC's Soho area to meet the MSN team at Primus Studio. The place was pretty cool, with various collectibles stacked up all over the place and all kinds of professional "stuff" including a full staff of camera and makeup people (that's right, I had makeup applied to my face). It was even catered. The day's agenda started at 10am but there was a Brownstone expert shooting before me and I didn't need to be there until 2pm. When I got there I discovered that they were way behind schedule. The Brownstone guy hadn't even started yet!

It was really exciting being behind the scenes. I had never seen any of the Keno's programs but knew they were involved with Antiques Roadshow and also have a program called Find! where they come out to people's homes and discover collectibles. What I didn't know is that these guys do a LOT of takes, and since this was the first shooting of a new show, there were plenty of tweaks done on the fly, and much conversation about the way various bits should be taped. It was a LONG day... I didn't actually get started with my segment until 7:30 that night, but no complaints. Everyone was friendly and accommodating.

The good news is that my segment didn't take nearly as many takes as the guy before me, though the Keno's had never played Guitar Hero and had to pretty much learn it before taping their intro. Now THERE'S something I'm used to... watching a couple of n00bs learn Guitar Hero! Anyway, once that was done, the rest went rather quickly. One thing that comes across kinda weird though. When they ask me my favorite things to collect on the table, they're three things no one is going to find. I don't remember it going like that but with several takes and plenty of editing I guess that's the way it turns out. What I really wanted to convey was to always be on the lookout for prototype cartridges, not go find a one-or-two-of-a-kind game!

I've had this video in hand for well over two weeks and have shown it to family and close friends. The most common question: "was that all off the top of your head?". and I explain that it was... but remember that this was two full days compressed into an edited five minutes of material.

I should also mention that in retrospect, quoting prices on some of the high end stuff isn't such a good idea. It's SO subjective. I stand by the values but I would have been happier if they kept all the stuff we talked about for getting people started in collecting, and focused less on the obscure shit.

So that's my five minutes of fame. Hopefully it lends a little insight into the collecting side of videogaming, something that I've been promoting for many many years.

Gone are the days when "good" and "bad" were part of the English language. In a world driven by higher learning and the never ending quest for superior vocabulary, it seems even the Clifton locals have jumped on-board to raise our native tongue to new heights.

Preface: I'm not a complete idiot. I *do* know what these words mean when used to describe videogames. I simply discourage their use, especially when that use is by someone who isn't a kid.

So, yesterday a customer in his late 20's, maybe older, holds up a copy of Kane & Lynch for the 360 and asks "Is this hot"?

"No, it was traded in. I try not to deal with stolen merchandise."

He looks at me quizzically. He holds it up again.

"I mean, is the GAMEPLAY hot?" It seems he just refuses to use a common adjective similar to "good".

"It GETS pretty hot", I explain. "There's all those guns blazing and all, but no one ever catches fire or anything like that".

At this point I think he's onto me. He looks at the back of the box and says out loud to himself "it looks hot, but I heard it was whack. I heard it was corny". He proceeds to leave the game at the counter and looks over the game systems in the case.

He asks "PS3... is that whack?"

"What do you mean... like really silly?"

"No, is it WHACK. Or is it HOT like 360?"

"Well, they're both pretty much room temperature. Unless you leave them on for awhile, of course."

He chuckles and has finally figured out that I'm just being a dick.

He bought Kane & Lynch by the way. So I expect to see him today or tomorrow asking about a different game's "whackness" when he returns it.

George Orwell shared his thoughts on a world overseen by a political force keen on monitoring its domain. 24 years later, the DP store has adopted Orwell's "Big Brother" philosophy in a way.

Right from the beginning, the security system I installed allowed me to watch what was going on in the store from any computer. I've used this liberally, often to help as an extra set of eyes when I'm not there or when the middle school gets out at 3pm. Other times, to check in when the alarm sounds, which most of the time is a fallen display piece setting off the motion detector (for a time that WASN'T the case, you need to see the "CSI: Clifton" entry). And infrequently I'll check in just to make sure my guys aren't slacking off. I'm lucky enough to say that they don't do that too often.

So if you've been reading my blogs you've seen images from the store cameras before. Take note of upper right.



As "Big Brother" as that may seem, I've kicked it up a notch. I'm always looking for additional security as well as improved technology in the store, so I've added the ability to see what's going on with the main computer, including the ability to hear what's going on in the store.



This is a shot of the STORE's monitor as captured by my home computer, at the time of the security camera snapshot above it. Up top, you're seeing two people at the register island, presumably trading in some stuff. On the bottom photo, we can see they're trading in something "undocumented" (when "Videogame Items" shows up on the register it means it's something not already logged into our database) for both $8 and $3. As an added bonus, I can literally take control of that computer from my home.

Am I paranoid? Maybe. But I'm also a little more secure. I totally trust MY guys. It's the BAD guys I'm working on. If anyone breaks in, they'd better not talk. And they'd better not try to use the computer for *anything* let alone to open the cash drawer. As of now, just about anything unexpected that happens triggers some kind of alarm.

Of course, to truly finalize such a project, remotely manned weapons will need to be installed. Prepare for a future entry here.

Some of you reading this now may have become acquainted with me through my writing over the years. The most mainstream of my work to date was during my time with Tips & Tricks magazine. In October 2001 I was hired as a monthly columnist to test the waters for a new concept. Collector's Closet would focus on the budding hobby of collecting videogames.



Producing those columns was a lot of fun. The Editor-in-Chief Chris Bieniek and I already had a great relationship going into the project and were usually on the same page with the column's direction. Each month I was given a clean palette to work with, and more latitude than most jobs would ever allow. Chris' motto was simply "we want to do and show things that haven't been seen anywhere else before". Those are boundaries I can always work within.



In 2005 my brain took a strange turn in a number of ways. I felt like I was running out of ideas and wanted to leave the column on a high note and was also pursuing other projects (later that same year I opened the store in Clifton, NJ). The column did go on without me right up to the magazine's unfortunate end.

It's taken me awhile to get to this but I've finally archived the entire collection of Collector's Closet. They're still pretty relevant, and the scans are in fairly high quality, easy to read and probably good enough to print out as well.

If you missed them the first time around, hope you like 'em now.
http://www.digitpress.com/archives/collectors

I graduated from high school in 1983. That year should be both pivotal AND memorable to all of us. That was the year of  "the crash". This means that my high school years built right up to a terrible end for videogaming. Fortunately, having a helmet of hair might protect a person from armageddon. Such was my story....


Onto the real issue here, my high school reunion. It's been 25 years and yet there has been no notice about a reunion. Sure, I missed my 10 and 20 year reunions, but what the fuck? 10 years and I was too good for everybody; 20 years and I still felt indifferent. It may very well have been that 40th birthday - OUR 40th birthday - that triggered a sense of "whatever happened to?" and I could not be alone on that thought.

As this year rolled along I realized there was no communication from the alumni. Granted, I had not kept in touch with anyone prior to this. I was pretty much one of those high school kids that was somewhat anonymous. I might be remembered as that kid who loved Devo and the B52's and Talking Heads. That WEIRD kid. That kid who was into videogames. None of this stuff was very important or was taken very seriously in 1983 to high schoolers. As such, I didn't expect to be tapped on the shoulder every time there was a class function, but on the other hand it's not like I slipped out of existence entirely.

So.let's fast-forward a mere 25 years. They can't seem to find me, so I'll find them. In fact, I'm on a bit of a crusade to find my classmates. For those of you younger than I am, know that I am envious of your generation's knowledge of the internet. It ain't easy for your parents' generation, as they're part of that fringe (learning about computers during the dawn of the computer age).I'm working with right now.

Gathering classmates from 25 years ago, in 2008, isn't simple. Explaining Myspace, Facebook, or even Classmates.com isn't so easy to a generation who was getting Apple IIe basics taught to them (at best) back in the day. And yet, there have been some great glimmers of hope.

I shall find you all, class of '83, despite the fact that today's technology may have been just out of our reach.

Almost three years, I'm actually a little surprised that yesterday was the first time the store was broken into. These pictures are priceless.

Note that I've spent a pretty good deal of time over the past three years thinking about this very moment. Where to place the cameras. How to position the sensors. And I'm still learning, because my most recent thoughts are "how to block off the skylights on the roof".

Alright, better to tell this in picture form. Let's start with the surveillance cameras.



See that triangle on the top, near the left side? That's not supposed to be there. At about 4:10am this "appeared" in the camera. It's the molding and a piece of wood used to block the skylight (built by my good friend Scott, who is the real hero here, read on).



That big piece of white is Scott's blockade, as the perp kicks through the molding and finally dislodges it. This took about 15 minutes. Clifton's CSI even came to the store that morning, and discovered a pair of binoculars on the roof and a hammer duct-taped to a long piece of wood. My guess is that this was going to smash the "cheap" plywood block beyond the skylight. Little did these amateurs know that Scott's handywork is NEVER cheap. After smashing the wood for awhile they realized they'd have to drop down and kick it loose. This is what ultimately set off the alarm.



This is as far as they ever got. By this time, the motiion detectors had picked up movement in the store. The siren had just started blaring, and phone calls were going off all over the place. It sucks getting called at 4:25am but it's worth it when this is what the call is about.



The perp scurries quickly back up the rope (though I think he was helped up by someone). Clifton police arrived on the scene less than five minutes later, so these boys bolted in a big hurry.

It's still surreal to look at these stills and the video that goes with it. CSI: Clifton has fingerprints, footprints, and a bit of physical evidence, and I truly hope they catch these fuckers, but as always I'm happy to learn. I've got all kinds of ideas for how to prevent (or better still, entrap) this type of criminal in the future.

Here's a few more photos I took that morning. Note the "Mission Impossible" entrance, the bent bar on the skylight as the entrance wasn't as open as it originally appeared, and best of all, the bajillion footprints left in the skylight alcove as the perps desperately tried to wiggle in and bust through.

If you've been reading these entries over the past few years, you'll find that among the usual good-natured posts there are sprinkled some tales where you might think Joe is actually the bad guy in these stories. This is about to be one of those times.

I see a lot of faces and hear a lot of voices in the course of a week, so many customers slip under the radar. I used to be real good with faces but not so much anymore. So these days when I recognize a customer, especially their voice, there's either something really good or really bad going on. This is about to be one of the bad times.

Even before opening the store today, the phone is ringing off the hook and the caller ID is a familiar one. And, because I'm not a complete bastard, let's call this caller "Dracula X". I don't answer calls from Dracula X anymore, because this young man hit my radar a few weeks ago as a scammer. He's the ultimate definition of buyer's remorse - he buys stuff and typically doesn't like it - and then comes up with some excuse to return it to the store.

Let me sidebar for a moment. I am extremely lenient with returns, as long as the customer understands they're exchanging things. Don't like it? Not a problem, you have store credit to put towards something you might like. Bought the wrong thing? Oh sure, we all do that! Exchange it. My customers appreciate this, I know, because they sometimes say "I appreciate that". So let's get back to the  Dracula X story.

The trouble with this customer is that he reports his products "broken" an awful lot. At first it wasn't that big a deal. He'd buy a game - sometimes brand new - and say it didn't work in his system. I'd let him exchange it for something that's of similar value to the used version of the game he bought. No harm done. He hit my radar after calling in one day saying he bought a brand new DS and it was broken and he wanted to trade it in for a PSP. The voice sounded familiar so I asked him to come in and we could discuss it. He came in... "it's THAT guy?" I thought... I worked something out with him in person but vowed that would be the last time.

In the weeks that followed, I would get phone calls from Dracula X but as usual didn't answer them and figured he had some beef, probably bought something on a day I wasn't there and of course it was broken and he needed to return it. Regardless of the phone call, he'd have to come to the store to exchange it so I let the calls go figuring he'd show up. So today after ringing and ringing with no answer, he turns up in person, very shortly after opening.

"My DS is broken. The left button doesn't work. I bought it here 30 days ago. I want to exchange it for another one.", he says.

"30 days ago? Did you bring your receipt?" I'm thinking he's working on our 30 day guarantee.

"Receipt? I didn't get one."

"We always give receipts. Was the left button broken when you got it?"

"No, but it's broken now."

Here's where the blood boils. Why does everything he touches BREAK?

"So you broke the left button and now you want a DS with a working left button? Let me ask you. Why did you buy another DS when you wanted a PSP the last time you bought a broken DS? Why do you never have a receipt? Why does everything you touch BREAK?"

And then I said it.

"GET OUT".

"What? You're not gonna give me another one?"

"Not only am I not gonna give you another one, but I'm not dealing with you anymore, period. GET OUT of my store".

Harsh? Probably seems like it. Maybe I'm still adjusting to the retail world but in the world I grew up in, it's called "taking advantage of the system", and I'm not having that.